1066 and all that

Williamanmary for some reason was known as The Orange in their own country of Holland, and were popular as King of England because the people naturally believed it was descended from Nell Glyn. It was on the whole a good King and one of their first Acts was the Toleration Act, which said they would tolerate anything, though afterwards it went back on this and decided that they could not tolerate the Scots.

A DARIEN SCHEME

The Scots were now in a skirling uproar because James II was the last of the Scottish Kings and England was under the rule of the Dutch Orange; it was therefore decided to put them in charge of a very fat man called Cortez and transport them to a Peak in Darien, where it was hoped they would be more silent.

MASSACRE OF GLASCOE

The Scots, however, continued to squirl and hoot at the Orange, and a rebellion was raised by the memorable Viscount Slaughterhouse (the Bonnie Dundee) and his Gallivanting Army. Finally Slaughterhouse was defeated at the Pass of Ghilliekrankie and the Scots were all massacred at Glascoe, near Edinburgh (in Scotland, where the Scots were living at that time); after which they were forbidden to curl or hoot or even to wear the Kilt. (This was a Good Thing, as the Kilt was one of the causes of their being so uproarious and Scotch.)

BLOOD-ORANGEMEN

Meanwhile the Orange increased its popularity and showed themselves to be a very strong King by its ingenious answer to the Irish Question; this consisted in the Battle of the Boyne and a very strong treaty which followed it, stating

(a) that all the Irish Roman Catholics who liked could be transported to France,

(b) that all the rest who liked could be put to the sword,

(c) that Northern Ireland should be planted with Blood-Orangemen.

These Blood-Orangemen are still there; they are, of course, all descendants of Nell Glyn and are extremely fierce and industrial and so loyal that they are always ready to start a loyal rebellion to the Glory of God and the Orange. All of which shows that the Orange was a Good Thing, as well as being a good King.

After the Treaty the Irish who remained were made to go and live in a bog and think of a New Question.

THE BANK OF ENGLAND

It was Williamanmary who first discovered the National Debt and had the memorable idea of building the Bank of England to put it in. The National Debt is a very Good Thing and it would be dangerous to pay it off, for fear of Political Economy.

Finally the Orange was killed by a mole while out riding and was succeeded by the memorable dead queen, Anne.

TEST PAPER IV

Up to the End of the Stuarts

1. Stigmatize cursorily (a) Queen Mary, (b) Judge Jeffreys’s asides. (Speak out.)

2. Outline joyfully (1) Henry VIII, (2) Stout Cortez.

3. Who had what written on whose what?

4A. What convinces you that Henry VIII had VIII wives? Was it worth it?

4B. Conjugate briefly Ritzio and Mary Queen of Scots.

5. In what ways was Queen Elizabeth a Bad Man but a Good Queen?

6. “To the exercise of Despotic Monarchy the Crown is more essential than the Throne.” (Refute with special reference to anything you know.)

7A. Which do you consider was the stronger swimmer, (a) The Spanish Armadillo, (b) The Great Seal?

7B. Who was in whose what, and how many miles awhat?

7C. Cap’n, art thou sleeping there below?⁠[9]

8. Deplore the failure of the Gunpowder Plot, stating the day and month (but not, of course, the year) usually assigned to it.

9. Examine the state of mind of

(1) Charles I, half an hour after his head was cut off.
(2) Charles II, half a moment after first sighting Nell Gwyn.

10. Why on earth was William of Orange? (Seriously, though.)

11. How can you be so numb and vague about Arabella Stuart?

12. Estimate the medical prowess of the period with clinical reference to (a) Pride’s Purge, (b) The Diet of Worms, (c) The Topic of Capricorns.