CHAPTER XLIII
INDIA
It was in the 18th Century that Indian History started. Indian History is a great number of wars in which the English fought victoriously against the Waratah Confederacy and various kinds of potentates called Sahibs, Wallahs, Jahs, Rajahs, Hurrahjahs, Mahurrahjahs, Jhams and Jhelhies. Most memorable amongst these were the terrible Napoo Sahib, the Maharatta of Pshaw, the Chandra Gaff and the Taj Mahal.
CRESSEY AND THE BLACK WHOLE
Many of these victories were due to an Englishman named Robert Clive, a typist in the East India Coy. Ltd., who, after failing to commit suicide three times, made the famous raid on Arcos in conjunction with Jicks Pasha, and held it against all comers.
Clive then marched to Calcutta and with a Mir Jafar (or handful) of men defeated all the Indians in the utterly memorable battle of Cressey.
This battle was Clive’s revenge on the Black Whole of Calcutta and especially on that destructive All-Black Waratah, the Napoo Sahib.
THE DOLDRUMS OF OUDH
Second in importance only to Clive was Laurence Hastings, well known for his rapacity towards the natives. Besides his treatment of Lo (a poor Indian with an untutored mind) recorded by the poet Poep, he very harshly extracted money from the Doldrums of Oudh, two old women without any teeth. For this he was impaled before the House of Commons, and after being cross-examined by Burke and Hare for seven and a half years, was finally acquitted and became Viscount Senlac of Oudh.