4. Lastly, from the manner in which our names appear in public, we have reason to believe that some of the saints look upon us as exclusively the "ministers," and thus that some may have felt themselves neglected because not visited personally by us. The notion that two individuals should be able to exercise pastoral inspection over about five hundred and fifty believers, we consider to be very unsound; but for ourselves we feel that it is a responsibility which we dare not take. According to our gift and strength we desire to rule, teach, and feed the sheep of Christ; but we dare not undertake the personal inspection of all who are already gathered, or may be gathered, simply as believers in the Lord Jesus, in this city.
Thus we have endeavoured very briefly to state our reasons for declining any longer to receive your offerings through boxes publicly put up, and having our names appended to them. We desire grace to serve you more faithfully than ever, and cast ourselves, as we have done hitherto, upon Him who hath said, "If any man serve me him will my Father honour."
HENRY CRAIK, GEORGE MÜLLERMüller
Bristol, July 7, 1841. .
When this alteration was made, I had another proof of the many blessings which are connected with the life of faith. Under other circumstances the question would have naturally arisen in my mind, And what will you do for support, if the boxes are removed? How will the offerings come in? Will any come in? But none of these things troubled me even for a moment. I said to myself, somehow or other the Lord will provide for me. If not through the instrumentality of the saints in Bristol, He will send help by means of those who live elsewhere. All I have to do in this matter is, to serve the Lord and to trust in Him, and He will surely take care of my temporal necessities. And thus it has been since July 1841 also, even as before. The reader may desire to know, how the Lord has since that time provided for my temporal necessities, seeing that the boxes, which were put up in the two chapels for the reception of the free-will offerings, were removed. I therefore state it. 1, I have received, as at former times, some presents in provisions, clothes, etc., from the saints among whom I labour and from other saints. 2, Some of the brethren and sisters among whom I labour have either habitually or from time to time put up some money in paper, and directed it to brother Craik or to me, or to both of us, and have put these little money parcels into one of the boxes for the reception of the offerings of the poor saints, or into the boxes into which the free-will contributions for the rent and expenses of the chapels are put. These little packets have been handed over to us by the deacons, and as they were directed so they have been appropriated, Those which are directed to brother Craik only, are handed over to brother Craik; those which are directed to me only, I appropriate for myself; and those which are directed to both of us, the contents are divided between us. 3, In a few cases, brethren and sisters in communion with us have also given me presents in money. 4, The Lord has also continued to incline the hearts of some of His children, not living in Bristol, to send me presents in money, and again and again even those whom I have never seen, and whose names, sometimes, I do not even know.
The only thing that was a real difficulty in my mind in making this alteration was, not that I should be a loser, and much less that the Lord would not care for my temporal necessities; but lest some of the children of God should find, in the removal of the boxes for the reception of the offerings for brother Craik and me, an excuse for doing nothing at all for our temporal necessities; and lest especially the poor, because they might have only pence or halfpence to give, should be deterred from doing so, and thereby both classes should rob themselves of blessing. It was not, because I feared to lose the gifts of some; for, I can, by the grace of God, say in some measure at least with the apostle Paul, "Not because I desire a gift: but I desire fruit that may abound to your account." Philip iv. 17. My aim also is, by the help of God, to be brought into that state of heart in which the apostle Paul was when he said, "I will very gladly spend and be spent for you; though the more abundantly I love you the less I be loved." 2 Cor. xii. 15. But yet with this desire on my part, I knew that the dear children of God among whom I labour would rob themselves and not me of a blessing, if they did not contribute towards my temporal necessities and I feared, lest this alteration should be used by Satan as an instrument to their injury.
But the mind of God seemed to us, after all, on account of the reasons before stated, that the alteration ought to be made, notwithstanding any possible evils which might result from it.
We are thus in such a position, that there is free room for the Holy Ghost to commend all the various labourers among us, according to the measure of grace and gift given to them, to the consciences of the brethren, not only with reference to their spiritual position in the body, butt also with reference to their temporal need.
Aug. 7. Today we had one sixpence left for our own personal necessities. We needed some money to buy eggs and cocoa for a brother who is come to stay with us, when this brother gave me four shillings, which he had brought for me from the place whence he comes. Thus we are helped for the present.
Aug. 26. After a season of comparative poverty with reference to myself, though always having what was really needful in the way of nourishing food, etc., a brother sent me today 17l. 18s. from a considerable distance, of which half is for the Orphans, and half for my own temporal necessities.
Sept. 2. During the last four months we have had more in hand for the Orphans than we needed. Since July 1838, when for the first time the funds were exhausted, we have had at no period so much money in hand. There was as it were, during these four months, one continual even running of the river of Gods bounty, both by presents in money and articles. Of the donations which were received during this period, I mention only the following:—On May 12th I received from Florence, in Italy, the following donations:—3 silver pins and 4 dollars; 3 dollars and a sixpence; 2 Pauls (Italian coins); 5l.; 3 pincushions, 6 penwipers, and a little shawl How abundantly do these donations from Florence prove how easily the Lord is able to provide us with means for His work, even from the most unexpected quarters!—As we had now for several months abounded in a greater degree than at any previous time of the same length during the past three years and three months, so it pleased the Lord after this period to try our faith more severely than during any time since the work first commenced. Indeed, so sharp were the trials of our faith for more than six months after this;—so long the seasons when, day after day, only daily supplies were granted to us, and when even from meal to meal we had to look to the Lord;—so long had we to continue in prayer, and yet help seemed to fail;—that it can be only ascribed to the especial mercy of God, that the faith of those who were engaged in this work did not altogether fail, and that they did not entirely grow weary of this way of carrying on the Lords work, and go, in despair of help from God, back again to the habits and maxims of this evil world. How my fellow-labourers have felt during all this time, I am, of course, unable to state; but, if I may speak of myself, I joyfully state, to the praise of the Lord, that during all the following months my faith was sustained without wavering, but still so greatly was it tried, that often I had no other petition, but that the Lord would be pleased to continue it, and that He would pity me as a father pitieth his children. In the midst of the trial I was fully assured that the Lord would lighten His hand in His own good time, and that, whilst it lasted, it was only in order that in a small measure, for the benefit of the church of Christ generally, that word might be fulfilled in us—"Whether we be afflicted it is for your consolation." I now give an account of the commencement and progress of our trial of faith during the months which succeeded the time of abundance.
Sept. 3. The money in hand had come to 3l. 5s. I therefore asked the Lord this morning for fresh supplies, and very soon after came a post-office order from Glasgow for 3l.
Sept. 7. 5l. 9s. more had come in since September 3rd, but this morning the last money had been given out. After the great abundance during the last months, now not a farthing was left. I gave myself therefore to prayer, and in the afternoon I received a post-office order from a brother at Plymouth for 3l. In the evening was left at my house a bonnet box from G. T. I., which contained 5s., 4 shirts and 4 handkerchiefs.
Sept. 8. Today came in 4s. from the neighbourhood of Wolverhampton, 2s. 6d. from Bath, and 1l. was given by a brother, who had just arrived from Ceylon.
Sept. 9. This morning 5l. was sent by a brother, a student in the University of Cambridge, who had read my Narrative; also 13s. 6d. came in besides.
Sept. 18. From the 9th to this day we were comfortably supplied with what we needed. Today, when 3l. was needed, and there was only 1l. 9s. 2d. in hand, 12l. came in from the neighbourhood of Wolverhampton, and 3s. by knitting.
Sept. 25. Saturday. Since the 18th was received, by donations and sale of articles, 5l. 19s. 8d., which enabled us, together with the 12l. 3s. which came in on the 18th, to meet all the expenses. But when I had sent off yesterday what was needed to meet the days need, nothing at all was left in hand for this day, whilst I knew that above 3l. would be required. The Lord, therefore, in His faithful love sent in yesterday afternoon 11s. 0 1/2d.; this morning 5l. from Plymouth; and 1l. 1s. with several articles of clothing for the Orphans from Clapham. Thus we had about twice as much as was required for this day.
Sept. 26. 2l. 11s. came in today.
Sept. 28. As 2l. was needed for the supplies of this day, and only 1l. l3s. 0 1/2d. was in hand, the boxes in the Orphan-Houses were opened, in which was found 10s. 2d.
Sept. 29, When there was again only 3s. 2 1/2d. in hand towards the need of today, a brother, a commercial traveller, having returned last night to Bristol, brought me two sovereigns, which had been given him for the Orphans by a lady at Marlborough, who had read one of the Reports. There came in still further today 2l. 8s. 6d.
Oct. 1. When I had again not one penny in hand for the necessities of this day, there was brought to me this morning 10s. for the Orphans, which had been sent from Kensington. In the paper, which contained the money, was written: "Your Heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of these things." "Trust in the Lord." This word of our Lord is to me of more value than many bank notes. About five minutes later I received from an Irish sister 10l., through her banker in London. At the same time I received information from Tetbury that three boxes, containing articles to be disposed of for the benefit of the Orphans, were on the way, and two hours after, 14 small donations were given to me, amounting to 1l. 7s. 4d.—I mention here, as a point particularly to be noticed, that after the season of comparative abundance had come to an end in September, the Lord did not at once allow us to be so sharply tried as we were afterwards. He dealt in the same gentle way with us three years before, when the trials of faith in this part of the work first commenced.
Oct. 6. As only 4l. more had been received for the Orphans since Oct. 1; the last money had now again been given out to supply this days necessities, when 2l. 15s. came in, being the produce of some of the articles which had been sent from Tetbury. This evening I also received from a brother a sovereign, which his believing wife, on her dying bed, had requested him to give after her decease. There came in likewise this evening by a donation 10s., and by sale of articles 2l. 10s. 5d.
During the last five months we have had comparatively an abundance of means for the other objects of the Scriptural Knowledge Institution also; but now we are again very poor. Just now, in this our great need, a brother, who has learned to esteem the Holy Scriptures above every other book, sent me a box of books, the produce of which supplies our present need for the Day Schools.
Oct. 9. No more than 1l. 2s. 11d, having been received for the Orphans since the 6th, there was only 2l. 3s. 9d. in hand, whilst 4l. was needed, it being Saturday. In the course of the morning 2l. came in for stockings, from a sister who resides five or six miles from Bristol; and in the afternoon another sister sent 1s., and a third brought 5l. The latter had it particularly laid on her heart not to delay till tomorrow the giving of this money, as it might be needed today. Thus the Lord has not only given us enough for today, but also a little to begin the next week with.
Oct. 10. Today we received still further 5l. 9s. 11d. for the Orphans.
Oct. 11. When today again money was needed for the Day Schools, there arrived from Marlborough a box of books, containing 110 volumes and several pamphlets. The produce of the books, together with 1l. 9s. 4d., which came in at the same time, supplied again our present necessities.
Oct. 16. More than 10l. had come in since the 10th for the Orphans; but today there was again only 10s. 11 1/2d. in hand, whilst about 3l. was required. The boxes at the Orphan-Houses were therefore opened, which contained 1l. 1s. In the course of the day also 5s. 5d. was paid for stockings. About seven oclock this evening sister E. C. brought several small donations, amounting to 1l. 17s. 4d., for the Orphans, and 9s. 8d. for the other funds. Thus we had even for this day 3l. 14s. 4 1/4d.
Oct. 21. As only between 9l. and 10l. had come in since the 16th for the Orphans, we were this day again, as is often the case, without anything in hand, when 12s. 2d. was sent from Exmouth, and 8s. 8d. came in by sale of stockings. There arrived also a box and a basket from Ilfracombe, the contents of which are to be sold for the benefit of the Orphans. Moreover 15s. 6d. was taken out of the boxes in the Orphan-Houses.
Oct. 22. By the money which was yesterday taken out of the boxes, and by 1l. 3s. which came in by disposing of some of the articles sent from Ilfracombe, we were comfortably supplied today.
Oct. 23. We had only 5s. 6d., which I found in the box in my house, 8s. 9d. for stockings, and 9s. which came in morning, besides a few shillings in the hands of the matrons, to help us through the day.
Oct. 24. Today, when we had not enough to pay the salaries of the teachers in the Day Schools, I received 5l. from a sister at Topsham, which supplied our need.
Oct. 25. Yesterday and today was given 2l. 17s. for the Orphans.
Oct. 26. This afternoon I had only one penny left, when two Orphans arrived from Bath, with whom 5l. 15s. 6d. was brought. At the very moment, while I was receiving this money, I was called on for money from the Girls-Orphan-House, which I was thus able to send. It has often been so ordered by the Lord, that, whilst we require nothing at all to be paid at the admission of the children, nevertheless that which has been brought with them has been the means of supplying the need, in which we were at the time when they were sent. There came in still further today 1l.
Oct. 29. Today we were again very poor; for not only had I nothing at all in hand, but the provision stores were much reduced. About twelve oclock a sister gave me 3s. 2d., also from a distance was sent 9d. In the afternoon we were able to dispose of some articles for 3l., which had been sent a long time ago. Three shillings came in for needlework, and 2s. 6d. as a donation. Thus we had 3l. 9s. 5d.—The day before yesterday I had asked the Lord that He would be pleased to send us some potatoes, as we have no means to lay in a stock. This morning I was informed that the same brother who had sent 20 sacks last year, had again ordered 20 sacks to be sent, and 6 sacks have also been given by another individual.
Oct. 30. As this is Saturday, the money which came in yesterday was not quite enough for today. But this mornings post brought, in answer to prayer, from Clapham 10s. and anonymously from Plymouth 10s.
Nov. 1. Yesterday was received altogether 2l. 10s. 3d.
Nov. 2. At a time of the greatest poverty 1l. was sent by a lady from Birmingham. About half an hour afterwards I received 10l. from a brother who had saved up 150l. and put it into a savings bank, but who now sees that, to devote this money to the promotion of the work of God tends more to the glory of the name of Jesus, than to retain it in a savings bank upon interest for a time of sickness or old age; for he is assured that should such times come, the same Lord, who has hitherto cared for him whilst in health and strength, and able to work, will also care for him then. The same brother gave me 3l. a fortnight since. This 10l. came in very seasonably; for though we had been able to provide for the absolute necessities of today, yet there was want in many respects, especially as a boy is just going out as an apprentice, who needs tools and an outfit.
Nov. 3. This afternoon two little boys were received, with whom three little girls sent 13s. 6d.
Nov. 4 and 5. 2l. 5s. ld. more was given.
Nov. 7. When there was now again nothing at all in hand, there came in 2l., being the profit of the sale of ladies baskets; and also 3l. 1s. 10d.
Nov. 8-11. 4l. 9s. 4d. was received during these four days.
Nov. 12. This morning after the exposition of the Scriptures to the children, 10s. was given to me, at a time when there was not only nothing at all in hand, but when without some help we should not have had every thing that was really needed for today.
Nov. 13. Saturday. This morning I took 1s. out of the box in my house. This one shilling was all there was towards the need of today.—Pause, dear reader, for a few moments! Consider that there are more than a hundred persons to be provided with every thing they require; consider that there is no money in hand; and consider also that this is the case not once nor twice in the course of the year but very frequently. Is it not precious, under such circumstances, to have the living God as a father to go to, who is ever able and ever willing to help as it may be really needed? And to this privilege every one has a title who believes in the Lord Jesus, being as such a child of God. Galatians iii. 26. For though all believers in the Lord Jesus are not called upon to establish Orphan-Houses, Schools for poor children, etc., and trust in God for means; yet all believers, according to the will of God concerning them in Christ Jesus, may cast, and ought to cast, all their care upon Him who careth for them, and need not be anxiously concerned about any thing, as is plainly to be seen from 1 Peter v. 7, Philippians iv. 6, Matthew vi. 25-34. Under these circumstances of need, a silver watch, which only yesterday afternoon had become the property of the Orphan-Fund, was disposed of, whereby we were helped through the expenses of today. The coals are almost gone in each of the houses. Every article of provision, etc., is likewise much reduced. Truly, we are exceedingly poor; nevertheless there are the necessary provisions till Monday morning, and thus we were brought to the close of another week. This afternoon all the labourers met for prayer.
Nov. 14. When we met again this afternoon for prayer, we had reason to praise, for the Lord had sent in means. This morning was given to me 5l., and 6s. had come in by sale of articles. There came also by post a small parcel from Wales, containing a few little articles, which are not to be mentioned, and 2s. 6d.
Nov. 15. Last Friday brother Craik and I had a meeting for inquirers and candidates for fellowship. We saw eight and had to send away ten whom we could not see, our strength being quite gone after we had seen the eight, one after another. This evening we saw seven and had to send away three.
Nov. 16. The last four days we have daily met for prayer, there being no means to pay the teachers in the Day Schools. Besides this, we need a stove in one of the school rooms; also some Bibles and Tracts. Today I received 2l. from a brother at Exmouth.
As only 2s. had been given yesterday for the Orphans, there was this morning again only 4s. 6d., in hand, which between ten and eleven oclock I was on the point of sending to the Orphan-Houses, having been called on for money. While I was writing the note to that effect, I received a post-office order for 3l. from a brother at Barnstaple, which was again a most precious deliverance, as our stores had been in every way so much reduced. About two hours later I received 4l. more from a brother at Exmouth, the half of which was for the Orphans, and the other half for the other objects. Through the same brother also was sent with Luke xxii. 32. 1l. for the Orphans. There came in still further today 2l. for stockings, which were bought by two ladies who visited the Orphan-Houses. They also gave 3s. 9d. Also an individual who had removed at four different times the furniture of the Orphan-Houses to and from Westbury, where the children had been, in turn, from Aug. 10 to Nov. 12, while the houses were coloured down and painted inside, charged only 1l. 1s. 10 1/2d., instead of 4l. 2s. 10 1/2d., which would have been the regular charge, and stated that he had long wished to do something for the Orphans, and that he should not have charged even this 1l. 1s. 10 1/2d. had he not had to lay it out in money. Thus the Lord in various ways helps us, and all without our asking any human being, but only in simplicity telling Him day by day our need.
Nov. 18. To day we had again a meeting with inquirers, and saw seven.
Nov. 21. Only 1l. 11s. 4d. came in since the 16th for the Orphans, on account of which there was today again no money at all in hand, and the stores were very much exhausted. How kind, therefore, of the Lord to send in again at this time 2l. 10s.
Nov. 23. Yesterday came in 5s. for stockings, which provided today the means for the breakfast in the Boys-Orphan-House. A sister sent also a gammon and some peas. Now we are very poor indeed. One of the labourers was able to provide a dinner in the Girls-Orphan-House out of his own means. In this our great need came in 17s. 6d. by sale of Reports, which money had been expected for some months past, but which the Lord sent just now most seasonably. Besides this, 2s. 6d. was also received for the childrens needlework. Thus we were provided for this day also. In the afternoon the Lord gave us a still further proof of the continuance of His loving care over us, now that we are so poor; for a box arrived from Plymouth, containing clothes, trinkets, etc.
Nov. 24. We have been daily meeting for prayer the last twelve days. Today, just before I was going to the meeting, one of the articles, which came in the box from Plymouth yesterday afternoon, was sold for 2l. 2s., which sum supplies us with means for this day. The donors may not have thought, perhaps, that their bounty would so soon be needed.—When I came to the prayer-meeting, I heard of a little circumstance which is worthy of notice. The Infant Orphans took a walk this morning with their teacher. A poor woman came to her, whilst they were walking, and gave her two pence for the benefit of the Orphans, adding "It is but a trifle, but I must give it you." Now, one of these two pence had been needed, by the time I came, to make up the little sum which was required for the bread.—This afternoon was received still further 9d., and also 12s. by the sale of some of the articles which came from Plymouth.
Nov. 25. With 12s. ld. we began the day, which was not sufficient for all that was required. In the afternoon came in 11s. for knitting. Thus we had enough for this day also.
Nov. 26. One of the labourers gave 5s.; 11s. came in by sale of articles, and 6d. was taken out of the box in my house. Little as this was, yet we were able to procure with it all that was really needful; but now our provision stock is very much reduced.
Nov. 27. This is Saturday, and nothing at all was in hand when the day commenced. My especial prayer had been, that the Lord would, be pleased early in the morning to send us supplies, as otherwise there would not be sufficient for dinner. Accordingly, about 10 oclock, a parcel came from Clapham, containing 11s. and the following articles: 12 yards of calico, a frock, a chemise, 2 petticoats, a flannel ditto, 2 handkerchiefs, 2 pinafores, a furnished workbag, an old silver thimble, and half a franc. Thus the Lord kindly provided us with means for the dinner, and we took it as a token for good that He would send what else might be needed this day. There came in still further in the course of the afternoon, by sale of an article, given by one of the labourers, 5s.; by sale of some lithographic sketches, given by one of the labourers, 4s. 6d.; by sale of articles given some time since, 16s.; by sale of stockings, 2s. 9d.; and by a donation, 2s. Thus the Lord was pleased to give us in the course of this day 2l. 1s. 3d., while we were in the greatest need in the morning, and without any natural prospect of having the means which were required for the day.
Nov. 29. The Lord has kindly sent in supplies. Yesterday was given altogether 5l. 19s. 7d. These two weeks we have been likewise in the greatest poverty in reference to the Day Schools; but the Lord has almost daily sent in a little to supply the absolute necessities of the brethren and sisters, who are engaged in that part of the work.
Nov. 30. Though 5l. 19s. 7d. had been given, yet, as the stores had been previously so reduced, there was again some more money needed today. 5s. came in by sale of articles, and one of the labourers gave some money of his own. In this time of great need there arrived a parcel, sent anonymously, which contained the following articles: 3 combs, 6 shells, 5 pairs of gilt bracelets, 4 single bracelets, a pair of ditto, a gilt chain, a gilt necklace, a cornelian ditto, a bead ditto, a brooch, a buckle, 2 pairs of earrings, 3 rings, 3 pairs of drops, and a single ear-ring.
Dec. 1. Again there were many shillings needed for this day. At the Boys-Orphan-House matters stood so in the morning, that, with an addition of eight pence, the dinner could be provided; but there was only seven pence in hand. Brother B. having heard that something had been put last evening into the box at the Girls-Orphan-House, went, and it was found to be one penny, which an aged sister had put in, whereby the present need was supplied. Even the gift of this one penny was thus evidently under the ordering of our kind Father, who not in anger, but for the trial of our faith, keeps us so poor. About ten oclock this morning was sent by post, half a sovereign. In the letter was written: "From the wife of a clergyman, for the Orphan-Houses, Nov. 30 1841." This donation was truly sweet, as coming from our faithful Lord, though it was not nearly enough. But He had pity on us, and sent in still further today by the sale of stockings 5s., and by the sale of other articles 12s.
Dec. 2. In the course of this morning was sold a part of the trinkets which came on Nov. 30th, for 1l. 4s. 10d. Besides this came in by sale of articles 1s. 6d. Thus was our present need supplied in the afternoon 3l. was sent by a sister from Plymouth, and by a sister in Bristol was given to me 2s.
Dec. 3 and 4. 1l. 10s. 6d. has been received during these two days.
Dec. 6. Yesterday the Lord again, in His faithful love, sent in means for the need of today. A gentleman from Devonshire came to me after the meeting, introduced himself as a brother, and gave me 5l. for the work of the Lord, as it might be needed. I had pleasant brotherly communion with him, but he preferred not to give me his name. Besides this, came in 18s. 11 1/2d. by sale of articles. As this 18s. 11 1/2d. was not enough for the supply of the Orphans for this day, there being nothing at all in hand besides, and 1l. more needed, I took 1l. of the 5l. for the Orphans, and 4l. for the other objects. Through the same stranger I received also 2s. 6d. from a sister. There came in this evening 1l. 3s. besides.
By the 4l. which I took of the 5l. given by the gentleman from
Devonshire, the most pressing need with regard to the teachers in the
Day Schools is relieved. This stranger gave me also 1l. for
Missionary purposes.
Dec. 7. Three weeks and three days we have now been daily meeting for prayer, on account of the state of the funds, and to ask the Lords blessing upon the work. We have been daily asking Him to supply us with means for the School-Bible-Missionary-and Tract Fund. Now, today, in this our great poverty, was sent by a sister from one of the Northern counties, whom I have never seen, the sum of 50l. of which, according to her wish, 10l. is to be applied to each of these objects, and 10l. for the Orphans. Thus the Lord has been pleased to send us a little help, which is greatly needed for all the objects: for the teachers have had only as much as was absolutely needful, the Bible stock is almost entirely exhausted, the Tract stock is quite exhausted, and to some Missionary brethren we greatly desired to send help, but were unable to do so. Nevertheless, even now we are waiting upon the Lord for further supplies.
When this money came, there was none at all in hand for the Orphans, though for many reasons fresh supplies were much needed. By this 10l., then, the Lord has again helped us for the present. There was likewise sent anonymously by post, 1l.
Dec. 9. Today came in for the Orphans by the sale of stockings 10s. 10d.—We are now brought to the close of the sixth year of this part of the work, having only in hand the money which has been put by for the rent; but during the whole of this year we have been supplied with all that was needed.
During the last three years we had closed the accounts on this day, and had, a few days after, some public meetings at which for the benefit of the hearers, we stated how the Lord had dealt with us during the year, and the substance of what had been stated at these meetings was afterwards printed for the benefit of the church at large. This time, however, it appeared to us better to delay for awhile both the public meetings and the publishing of the Report Through grace we had learned to lean upon the Lord only, being assured, that, if we never were to speak or write one single word more about this work, yet should we be supplied with means, as long as He should enable us to depend on Himself alone. But whilst we neither had had those public meetings for the purpose of exposing our necessity, nor had had the account of the Lords dealings with us published for the sake of working thereby upon the feelings of the readers, and thus inducing them to give money, but only that we might by our experience benefit other saints; yet it might have appeared to some that in making known our circumstances we were actuated by some such motives. What better proof, therefore, could we give of our depending upon the living God alone, and not upon public meetings or printed Reports, than that, in the midst of our deep poverty, instead of being glad for the time to have come when we could make known our circumstances, we still went on quietly for some time longer, without saying any thing. We therefore determined, as we sought and still seek in this work to act for the profit of the saints generally, to delay both the public meetings and the Report for a few months. Naturally we should have been, of course, as glad as any one to have exposed our poverty at that time; but spiritually we were enabled to delight even then in the prospect of the increased benefit that might be derived by the church at large from our acting as we did.—I now proceed where I left off.
Dec. 11. Since the day before yesterday the following sums came in for the Orphans, whereby the need of yesterday and today has been supplied. A brother gave 2l. A little boy and girl brought the produce of their savings banks, amounting to 19s. 5d. By the sale of stockings came in 15s. 1d., and by six donations 10s. 6d.
Dec. 13. Yesterday came in 1l. 11s. 6d., and today 10s. By this 2l. 1s. 6d. this days need has been met. There was also, very seasonably, half a ton of coals sent to each of the three Orphan-Houses.
Dec. 14. Yesterday afternoon a lady sent a sovereign for the Orphans. There came in 15s. 6d. besides. Thus we had enough for this day likewise.
Dec. 15. Having now again nothing in hand for the Orphans, the boxes were opened, in which 4s. 4d. was found. This, with a little which one of the labourers was able to add of his own, helped us through the day.
From Nov. 12 up to this day, my fellow-labourers in the Church and I have seen thirty inquirers and candidates for fellowship, and some of them we have seen repeatedly. How can we sufficiently praise the Lord for still continuing to use us in His service.
Dec. 16. Nothing at all had come in for the Orphans; but as one of the labourers had last evening, most unexpectedly, received some money from a distance of about two hundred miles, and as the Lord inclined his heart to give of it for the present need, we were supplied for today also.
Dec. 17. In like manner we are helped today.
Dec. 18. Saturday morning. There is now the greatest need, and only 4d. in hand, which I found in the box at my house; yet I fully believe the Lord will supply us this day also with all that is required.—Pause a few moments, dear reader! Observe two things! We acted for God in delaying the public meetings and the publishing of the Report; but Gods way leads always into trial, so far as sight and sense are concerned. Nature always will be tried in Gods ways. The Lord was saying by this poverty, "I will now see whether you truly lean upon me, and whether you truly look to me." Of all the seasons that I had ever passed through since I had been living in this way, up to that time, I never knew any period in which my faith was tried so sharply, as during the four months from Dec. 12, 1841, to April 12, 1842. But observe further: We might even now have altered our minds with respect to the public meetings and publishing the Report; for no one knew our determination, at this time, concerning the point. Nay, on the contrary, we knew with what delight very many children of God were looking forward to receive further accounts. But the Lord kept us steadfast to the conclusion, at which we had arrived under His guidance.—Now to return to Saturday, Dec. 18th. Evening. The Lord has been very kind to us this day. In the course of the morning 6s. came in. We had thus, with what provisions there were in hand, all that was needed for the dinner, but no means to provide for the next meal in the afternoon. A few minutes after the labourers had met together for prayer this morning, there was given to one of them a sovereign for himself. By means of this, all that was needed for tea could be procured. Another labourer gave 3s. 6d. and two books, which were sold for 4s. There came in still further in the course of the afternoon and evening:—by sale of stockings, 8s. 8d.; by needlework, 8d.; and by sale of articles, 5s. Thus, when we again met in the evening for prayer, we found that the supplies had amounted to 2l. 8s. 2d., enough for all that was required today. But one thing more is to be noticed respecting this day. I was informed that three more of the Orphans have been recently brought to the knowledge of the truth. We have now been meeting daily for prayer during the last five weeks, and thus the Lord has not merely heard our prayers respecting the funds, but has also blessed these children.
Dec. 20. The Lord has again kindly sent fresh supplies. A sister gave 1l.; a servant sent 1l.; another servant, 2s 6d. by sale of articles l3s. 1d. This morning, just before was going to the prayer-meeting, a lady brought 3l.; and 5s. more I received this evening.
Dec. 21. Though 6s. 0s. 7d. had been received yesterday and the day before, there was only 5s. remaining towards the supply of the necessities of today. At one oclock three little boys gave me the produce of their Orphan-box, which was 4s. 7d. When I came home, I found that 18l. had come in, being a legacy left for the Orphans by a lady who died at the commencement of the year. This money comes in most seasonably, not merely for the supply of the wants of the children, but also as enabling me to give to some of the labourers in the Orphan-Houses supplies for themselves.
Dec. 23. This is now the sixth week that the labourers in the Day-Schools and Orphan-Houses have daily met for prayer. Several precious answers we have already received since we began to meet, as it regards pecuniary supplies, fresh instances of conversion among the children, etc. One of our petitions has been that the Lord would be pleased to furnish us with means for a stove at Callowhill Street School-room. But though we had often mentioned this matter before the Lord, he seemed not to regard our request. Yesterday afternoon, while walking in my little garden, and meditating and praying, I had an unusual assurance that the time was now come when the Lord would answer our request, which arose partly from my being able to believe that He would send the means, and partly from the fact that the answer could no longer be delayed, without prayer having failed in this matter, as we could not assemble the children again, after the Christmas vacation, without there being a stove put up. And now, dear reader, observe:—This morning I received from A. B. 20l., and we have thus much more than is required for a stove.
Dec. 24. On the 22nd and 23rd 2l. 0s. 5d. came in for the Orphans. The need of today was 3l. 10s., but only 3l. was in hand. This afternoon, however, 1l. was sent from Kensington and 1l. from Plymouth. This evening we received still further anonymously 4s., and by knitting 2l. 10s.
Dec. 25. By sale of articles was received 14s. 2d.
Dec. 26. This afternoon I was walking in my little garden, meditating on and turning into prayer Rom. viii. 28-32. When I came to verse 32, the necessity of the Orphans came to my mind, as tomorrow we shall again need more money than there is in hand, and I therefore asked the Lord that He would be pleased to give me a fresh proof that He will "freely give us all things," by supplying our present need. This evening I spoke on the above-mentioned passage, and after the meeting a sister gave to my wife 12l., of which 10l. was for the Orphans, and 2l. for my own necessities. There came in 5s. besides.
Dec. 31. As only 1l. l5s. had been received since the 26th, there was again nothing in hand towards the need of this day. About an hour before the money was sent for from the Orphan-Houses, an individual who lives in Redcliff Parish, Bristol, sent 5l. By sale of stockings came in likewise 3s. 6d.
REVIEW OF THE YEAR 1841.
I. In reading over my journal, I find that the Lord has given me during this year many precious answers to prayer, in addition to those which have been recorded in the previous part of the Narrative. I mention the following for the encouragement of the reader: 1, One of the Orphan-Boys needed to be apprenticed. I knew of no suitable believing master, who would take an in-door apprentice. I gave myself to prayer, and brought the matter daily before the Lord. I marked it down among the subjects for which I would daily ask the Lord; and at last, though from May 21 to September I had to pray about the matter, the Lord granted my request; for in September I found a suitable place for him. 2, On May 23rd I began to ask the Lord that He would be pleased to deliver a certain sister in the Lord from the great spiritual depression under which she was suffering, and after three days the Lord granted me my request. 3, On June 15th I began to ask the Lord to deliver a brother at a distance from the great spiritual nervousness in which he found himself shut up, which not only distressed him exceedingly, and in a great measure hindered him in his service towards the world and the church; but which, in consequence, was also a trial to the saints who knew and valued this dear brother. This petition I brought many times before the Lord. The year passed away, and it was not granted. But yet at last this request also has been granted to me and to the many dear saints who, I know, prayed for this dear brother; for though he was for some years in this state, it is now [in 1845] two years and more since he has been quite restored. 4, On June 15th I also began to ask the Lord daily, in His mercy to keep a sister in the Lord from insanity, who was then apparently on the very border of it; and I have now [in 1845] to record to His praise, after nearly four years have passed away, that the Lord has kept her from it. 5, During this year I was informed about the conversion of one of the very greatest sinners, that I ever heard of in all my service for the Lord. Repeatedly I fell on my knees with his wife, and asked the Lord for his conversion, when she came to me in the deepest distress of soul, on account of the most barbarous and cruel treatment that she received from him, in his bitter enmity against her for the Lords sake, and because he could not provoke her to be in a passion, and she would not strike him again, and the like. At the time when it was at its worst I pleaded especially on his behalf the promise in Matthew xviii. 19: "Again I say unto you, that if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven." And now this awful persecutor is converted. 6, On May 25th I began to ask the Lord for greater real spiritual prosperity among the saints, among whom I labour in Bristol, than there ever yet had been among them; and now I have to record to the praise of the Lord that truly He has answered this request; for, considering all things, at no period has there been more manifestation of grace and truth, and spiritual power among us, than there is now while I am writing this for the press (1845). Not that we have attained to what we might; we are far, very far from it; but the Lord has been very, very good to us, and we have most abundant cause for thanksgiving.
II. The state of the church with reference to numbers, etc.
68 brethren and sisters brother Craik and I found in communion, when we came to Bristol.
775 have been admitted into communion since we came to Bristol.
843 would be, therefore, the total number of those in communion with us, had there been no changes. But,
101 have left Bristol.
55 have left us, but are still in Bristol
48 are under church discipline.
67 have fallen asleep.
271 are therefore to be deducted from 843, so that there are only 572 at present in communion.
88 have been added during the past year, of whom 30 have been brought to the knowledge of the Lord among us.
III. The Lords goodness as to my temporal supplies during this year.
1. The Lord has been pleased to give me by means of the anonymous freewill offerings of the saints, put into the boxes at our meeting places £116 2s. 4 3/4d.
2. By presents in money from the brethren among whom I labour in Bristol £43 9s. 9d.
3. By presents in money from children of God not living in Bristol £53 19s. 0d.
4. By presents in provisions, clothes, furniture, etc., from the saints among whom I labour, worth to us at least £15 0s. 0d.
5. By presents in clothes, &c., from believers not living in Bristol, worth to us at least £10 0s. 0d.
Altogether £238 11s. 1 3/4d.
Thus during this year also, without asking any one but the Lord for help, with regard to ray temporal necessities, I have been richly supplied with all I needed; yea, I have had much more than I needed.
January 1, 1842. Last night we had our usual prayer-meeting at the close of the year, which this time lasted from seven in the evening till half-past twelve.
Jan. 3. This evening we had a most precious public prayer-meeting. When the usual time for closing the meeting came, it appeared to me that there was a desire to continue to wait upon the Lord. I therefore proposed to the brethren that those who had bodily strength, time, and a desire for waiting still longer upon the Lord, would do so. At least thirty remained, and we continued till after ten in prayer, whilst several brethren prayed. I never knew prayer more really in the Spirit. I experienced for myself unusual nearness to the Lord, and was enabled to ask in faith, nothing doubting.
On the 1st of January came in for the Orphans 1l.7s. 6d.; on the 2nd 10l. 13s. 7d.; and today came in from Plymouth 6l., from Exmouth 5l., from a sister in Bristol 5l., and from the East Indies 2l. I have by this 30l. 1s. 1d. been enabled, as it had been my prayer, to give some money to the other five sisters who labour in the Orphan Houses, for their own personal necessities.
Jan. 4. As we have often found it to be the case, so it is now. After a season of more than usual poverty, comes a time of more than usual abundance. Today the same brother, who has been spoken of under November 2nd, and who has drawn his money out of the Savings-bank to spend it for the Lord, sent 20l. more of it. There came in also from Guernsey 1l., and 1l. 7s. besides. I am now able to order oatmeal from Scotland, buy materials for the boys clothes, order shoes, etc. Thus the Lord has been pleased to answer all our requests with respect to the pecuniary necessities of the Orphans, which we have brought before Him in our prayer meetings during the last seven weeks. We have thus had of late an abundance, but the expenses have been great also; for within the last twenty-five days I have paid out above 100l.
Jan. 22. As only little above 32l. had been received since the 4th, there was today again only 1l. 8s. 0 1/2d. in hand, whilst 31, 8s. was needed, it being Saturday. However, as the Lord has helped us very many Saturdays, when we had still less at the commencement of the day, so it was today also. About an hour before the money was called for, I received from the neighbourhood of Crediton 4l., which came with the especial recommendation of a gentleman and lady to introduce the use of oatmeal in the Orphan-Houses, if we had not done so, and this money was sent towards the first supply. We have, however, used oatmeal now for many months, and have found it decidedly of great benefit to the children As about a fortnight since I had ordered 10l. worth from Glasgow, this money came in most seasonably to supply the other necessities of this day.
Jan. 24. Yesterday the Lord sent in 3l. 5s. 7d., to supply the need of this day.
Jan. 25. There was now again this morning nothing in hand for the Orphans. About ten oclock there was sent to me, as the produce of an Orphan box, a small necklace, an old sixpence, and 5s. 8d. There came in also by sale of stockings 3s. 9d. As this 9s. 5d. was not enough, the boxes in the Orphan-Houses were opened, which contained 17s. 2d., and thus we were again supplied.
Perhaps, dear reader, you have said in your heart before you have read thus far: "How would it be, suppose the funds for the Orphans were reduced to nothing, and those who are engaged in the work had nothing of their own to give, and a meal time were to come, and you had no food for the children." Thus indeed it may be, for our hearts are desperately wicked. If ever we should be so left to ourselves, as that either we depend no more upon the living God, or that "we regard iniquity in our hearts," then such a state of things, we have reason to believe, would occur. But so long as we shall be enabled to trust in the living God, and so long as, though falling short in every way of what we might be, and ought to be, we are at least kept from living in sin, such a state of things cannot occur. Therefore, dear reader, if you yourself walk with God, and if, on that account, His glory is dear to you, I affectionately and earnestly entreat you to beseech Him to uphold us; for how awful would be the disgrace brought upon His holy name, if we, who have so publicly made our boast in Him, and have spoken well of Him, should be left to disgrace Him, either by unbelief in the hour of trial, or by a life of sin in other respects.
Jan. 26. Again there was nothing in hand when the day commenced. In the course of the morning a gentleman from Yorkshire came to the Orphan-Houses. He bought two Reports, and one copy of the "Improved Renderings," put 2s. 6d. into the box at the Boys-Orphan-House, and 3s. into the box at the Infant-Orphan-House. There was also one penny found in the box at the Girls-Orphan-House. This 6s. 10d. would have provided the absolute necessities for today, but it was desirable to have more means. I therefore opened the box in my house, in which I found a sovereign and a shilling. We were thus comfortably provided.
Jan. 27. Last evening came in 4s. This morning a parcel arrived from E. P., containing 3s., and the following articles: 7 books, a Bible, 6 pairs of socks, 4 pairs of babies shoes, a purse, a ladys comb, a ladys bag, a pair of knitted over-shoes, and 2 pairs of muffetees. Yesterday afternoon a gentleman came to see the Orphan-Houses, and put a sovereign into the box at the Boys-Orphan-House, which our need has brought out. We have thus 1l. 7s. for this day.—Evening. This afternoon came in still further 2l. from a lady at Kensington, on whose heart the Lord seems to have particularly laid the work.
Jan. 29. The two sovereigns, which came in on the 27th, supplied our need yesterday. When I had again nothing in hand, to meet todays necessities, a sister came last evening, who brought me 1l. 6s., a sovereign from another sister, and 6s. from herself. She said: "I do not know whether the Orphans have a dinner for tomorrow or not, but I had no rest in delaying to bring this money." I had but just then come home from a meeting, and had on the way to my house been lifting up my heart to the Lord, that He would be pleased to remember our need.—This morning was sent from Clapham 1l. 2s. 6d., with 3 frocks, a petticoat, 4 handkerchiefs, and 2 pinafores.
My dear reader, do you indeed recognise the hand of God in all these instances I have given instance upon instance, I have brought before you not this particular case, nor another particular case; but I have purposely shown you how we have fared day after day in our poverty, in order that you may adore the Lord for His goodness to us, and that you yourself may be led to depend upon Him for every thing, should you not have done so before. I affectionately beseech you, not to take these instances as a matter of course. Say not in your heart, This is a charitable Institution; persons know that the maintenance of these many Orphans, and the support of these Day Schools, etc., costs much money; and therefore they will contribute. Nor suffer Satan to rob you of the blessing which the account of the Lords faithfulness to us, and His readiness to listen to our supplications is calculated with Gods blessing, to communicate to you, by allowing him to whisper into your ears, that, because the Report are read by many, donations will of course be coming in, and that not all at once, but gradually, and that this is the way in which we are supplied. Dear reader, it is not thus. Suppose, we have been for some time on the whole bountifully supplied. Suppose, now all is gone. Suppose, the expenses are great, but very little comparatively is coming in. What shall we do now? If we took goods on credit, or if we made known our necessities at such times to the liberal Christians who have means, and who are interested in the work in our hands, then, humanly speaking, there might be little difficulty; but we neither take goods on credit, nor do we speak to any one about our need, but we wait upon God. Now, suppose our expenses are week after week, 30l., 40l., 50l., or 60l.? How are the means to come? Persons might still give; yea, many persons might still give, but it might just happen so, that all the donations that are received at the time when our expenses are most heavy are very small donations; how shall we do then? Sometimes the outgoings have been so great, that if I had sold every thing I possessed, I could not thereby have met the expenses of two weeks. What then is to be done? We wait upon God, and he always helps us, and has done so now [i. e. in 1881] for more than forty-five years with reference to the Orphans, and for more than forty-seven with reference to the other parts of the work.
Feb. 5. Saturday. As only 10l. 10s. 6d. had been received since January 29th, i. e. only so much as day by day was needed to provide necessaries for the Orphans, there is again the greatest need. It is now twelve oclock, and there are no means as yet to meet the expenses of today. The words in the prayer of Jehoshaphat, "Neither know we what to do, but our eyes are upon Thee," are at this moment the language of my heart. I likewise know not what to do, but my eyes are upon the Lord, and I am sure that He will help this day also. Our kind Father still gives us proofs that He is mindful of our need; for last evening were anonymously sent to my house, 2 waistcoats, a shawl, a net collar, 3 3/4 yards of print, 2 decanters, and Clarendons History of England. And just now, a small silver book, a pepper box with silver top, and some muslin work have arrived from Birmingham.—Evening. In the course of the morning came in, by sale of articles, l2s. We were able likewise to dispose of one of the articles, which were sent last evening, for 5s. This afternoon one of the labourers gave me 10s., and 3s. came in for needle-work. By means of this 1l. 10s. we were able to supply all that was needed.
Feb. 7. Yesterday was received 1l. 13s. 5d., and today 5s. 6d.
Feb. 8. By what came in yesterday, and the day before, the need of yesterday was supplied, and there is enough in all the houses for the meals of today; but in none of the houses have we been able to take in any bread; and as yesterday also but little could be taken in, there will not remain any for tomorrow; nor is there money enough to take in milk tomorrow morning. There are likewise coals needed in two houses. Indeed, so far as I know, these three years and seven months, since first the funds were exhausted, we were never in greater poverty; and if the Lord were not to send means before nine oclock tomorrow morning, His name would be dishonoured. But I am fully assured that He will not leave us.—Evening. The Lord has not yet been pleased to send us what is needed for tomorrow, but He has given us a fresh proof that He is mindful of us. Between four and five oclock this afternoon were sent nine plum cakes, which a sister had ordered to be baked as a treat for the Orphans. These cakes were an encouragement to me to continue to look out for further supplies. There was also found in the boxes at the Orphan-Houses, 2s. l 1/2d., and 1s. 4d. came in for stockings. These little donations are most precious, but they are not enough to meet the need of tomorrow; yea, before nine oclock tomorrow morning we need more money to be able to take in the milk. Truly, we are poorer than ever; but, through grace, my eyes look not at the empty stores and the empty purse, but to the riches of the Lord only.
Feb. 9. This morning I went between seven and eight o clock to the Orphan-Houses, to see whether the Lord had sent in any thing. When I arrived there, He had just two or three minutes before sent help.—A brother, in going to his house of business this morning, had gone already about half a mile, when the Lord was pleased to lay the Orphans upon his heart. He said, however, to himself, I cannot well return now, but will take something this evening; and thus he walked on. Nevertheless he could not go any further, but felt himself constrained to go back, and to take to brother R. B., at the Boys-Orphan-House, three sovereigns. [The donor himself stated this to me afterwards.]—Thus the Lord in His faithfulness helped us. Help was never more truly needed, for our poverty was never greater; nor did the help of the Lord ever come more manifestly from Himself; for the brother was gone on a good distance, it was between seven and eight oclock in the morning, and it was so short a time before money was needed. Consider this, beloved reader, and with us praise the Lord. Praise Him particularly, that He enabled us to trust in Him in this trying hour. There came in besides, today, 7s. 6d.
Feb. 11. The 3l. 11s. 6d. supplied our need the last two days. Today again a few shillings more were needed, which one of the labourers was able to give of his own; but this was only enough to take in the usual quantity of milk, and some bread.
Feb. 12. Saturday. Never since the funds were for the first time exhausted, had there come in less during any week, than during this. We were only able to supply the absolute necessities; but this we were enabled to do. When the meal times came, the Lord always provided what was needful, and, considering the great distress there is now almost everywhere, our dear Orphans are very well provided for. Now this day began not only without there being any thing in hand, but our stores were greatly reduced, and we had to procure provisions for two days. One of the labourers gave 5s. in the morning, to provide the means to take in the milk. I collected together some pamphlets, which had been given for sale, to dispose of them, and they were sold about eleven oclock for 4s. There came in also by sale of stockings 3s., and 12s. was paid on behalf of one of the Orphans. Thus we were provided with means to procure a dinner, and had a little towards purchasing bread, but by no means enough. All the labourers were together in prayer from half-past eleven till one, and me separated comfortably, with the purpose of meeting again in the evening. When I came home, there was given to me an old broken silver pencil case, which, though worth very little, I took as a fresh proof that our Father was mindful of our need. When we met again this evening, we found that 3s. 6d. had come in by sale of stockings, and 6d. for two Reports. As all this was not enough, a few old and needless articles were disposed of for 4s., also the broken pencil ease for 6d. I say needless articles, for other articles it did not seem right to us to dispose of, in order that the Lords own deliverance might be manifest. A labourer was also still further able to give 7s. of his own. To one of the labourers 2s. had been owed by a certain individual for more than a twelvemonth, which being paid just now, and given by him for the Orphans, came in most seasonably. Thus we had 1l. 18s. 6d., as much as was needful to procure provisions till after breakfast on Monday morning. However, the Lord helped still further. Between eight and nine this evening, after we had been together for prayer, and had now separated, some money was given to one of the labourers for himself, by which means he was able to give 9s., so that altogether 2l. 7s. 6d. had come in this day. This has been of all the weeks, during the last three years and seven months, one of the most trying, so far as it regards the trial of faith. Thanks to the Lord, who has helped us this day also! Thanks to Him for enabling us already this morning, when we met for prayer, to praise Him for the deliverance, which we were sure He would work!
Feb. 14. Yesterday came in from Wolverhampton 1l. 2s. 6d. and a necklace. There was also given to me 1l. 0s. 6d., which had come in by sale of articles, and 6d. for Reports. In the course of this day came in still further 3l. 2s. 4d.
Feb. 15. By needlework came in 4s. 9d.
Feb. 16. This morning there was now again only sufficient money in hand to take in milk at two of the houses; but as a labourer was able to give 6s. 6d., we had sufficient for the milk, and had also enough, with the provisions that were in the houses, to provide for the dinner. Nothing more came in in the course of the morning, nor was I able to make inquiries how matters stood. In the afternoon between three and four oclock, having once more besought the Lord to send us help, I sat peacefully down to give myself to meditation over the Word, considering that that was now my service, though I knew not whether there was a morsel of bread for tea in any one of the houses, but being assured that the Lord would provide. For, through grace, my mind is so fully assured of the faithfulness of the Lord, that, in the midst of the greatest need, I am enabled in peace to go about my other work. Indeed, did not the Lord give me this, which is the result of trusting in Him, I should scarcely be able to work at all; for it is now comparatively a rare thing that a day comes, when I am not in need for one or the other part of the work. Scarcely had I sat down to meditate, when a note was sent to me from the Orphan-Houses, in which brother R. B., master of the Orphan Boys, had written thus: "On visiting the sisters in the Infant and Girls-Orphan-Houses, I found them in the greatest need. There was not bread in one of the houses for tea this evening, and the 6s. 6d. was scarcely enough to supply what was needed for the dinner. I therefore opened the box in the Boys-Orphan-House, and most unexpectedly found 1l. in it. Thus, through the kindness of the Lord, we were again abundantly supplied as it regards present necessities."—In the evening the Lord, in His love and faithfulness, stretched out His hand still farther. I had expounded at the meeting a part of John xi. The last words of which I spoke were: "Said I not unto thee, that, if thou wouldest believe, thou shouldest see the glory of God?" When the meeting was over, as a fresh proof of the truth of this word, a note was given to me, in which a sick sister sent me 5l. for the Orphans.
Feb. 17 and 18. These two days came in 8s. 2d.
Feb. 19. Saturday. Our means were now again completely spent. Our provision stores, were, perhaps, even more exhausted than on any previous Saturday. There was not the least human likelihood of obtaining menus for sufficient provisions for this one day, and much less for two days. When I went before breakfast to the Orphan-Houses, I found a letter from Nottingham, containing 1s., which had arrived last evening. This was not only a sweet proof that our Father remembered our need, but it was also like an earnest that He would supply us this day also with all we required. In the course of the morning came in by sale of stockings 4s. 11d. In the box at my house I found 1s. One of the labourers gave 4s. 10d. Thus we were provided with those things which were absolutely needed for this day. We met between eleven and twelve oclock for prayer. When we met again in the evening, a second letter had arrived from Nottingham, with another shilling. This was a further sweet proof of our Fathers loving remembrance of our need; but with all this we were still without any means to provide bread for tomorrow, the Lords day. At eight oclock I separated from my fellow-labourers, as I expected brother R. C. to arrive a little after eight at my house. I therefore requested one of the brethren to go with me, in order to take back to the Orphan-Houses what the Lord might send in by post or in any other way. It was now half-past eight in the evening, and there was no bread yet in any one of the three houses for tomorrow. A few moments after, brother C. arrived, and he had not been more than about five minutes in my house when he gave me half a sovereign, which he brought for the Orphans. I soon found an opportunity to leave the room for a little, gave the 10s. to the brother whom I had brought with me from the Orphan Houses, and who was waiting in another room; and thus, between nine and ten oclock, sufficient bread could be bought. Observe! For the trial of our faith the Lord had allowed us to be kept waiting so long. When, however, brother C. had arrived, having money for the Orphans, he could not delay giving it at once, a matter most worthy of notice. This has been a week full of trials of faith, but also full of deliverances.
Feb. 21. Since Saturday evening came in 1l. 8s. 11d. There was also sent from Plymouth, a piece of blond, a piece of quilling net, and eleven pairs of childrens stockings, for sale. Thus we were supplied with means for that which was requisite for the beginning of this day; but as our stores had been so reduced at the end of last week, there was not enough for tea this afternoon. Four oclock had now come, one hour before the usual tea time, when a brother from Somersetshire came to see the Orphan-Houses, and put a sovereign into each of the boxes. Our great need soon brought out the money, and thus we were supplied. [Observe! The brother (as he himself told me a few days after in the course of conversation), had but little time, and therefore rather hastily went over the houses. Had he stayed long and conversed much, as might have been the case, his donations would not have been in time for the tea.] There came in 1s. besides, by needlework done by the children.
Feb. 22. This morning a parcel arrived from the neighbourhood of Manchester, containing 4 old silver thimbles, 1 seal, 2 gold pins, 10 cent (an American coin), a buckle, a watch key, a broken seal, some pamphlets and 549 sheets of Hintwafers.
Feb. 23. We were again in want of means. A few of the articles which had come from Manchester were disposed of, and one of the labourers was able to give enough for what remained to be supplied.—The narrative of time events of these days is most imperfect. The way in which the Lord stretched out His hand day by day, and from meal to meal, cannot be accurately described. To enter fully into it, one need be a witness to His inspecting the stores, so to speak, from meal to meal, and giving us those things which we needed.
Feb. 24. Yesterday the following clothes were sent: 3 pairs of boys trousers, 2 boys dresses, 2 frocks, a spencer, 5 pairs of childrens stays, a pair of boots, and a few other little articles. The clothes were all much worn, and in other respects not fit for the Orphans; but the Lord used them to supply us with the means for the dinner, as they were disposed of this morning. In the afternoon we again met for prayer. On my way to the Orphan-Houses, between four and five, when I knew that there would not be any bread, at least in one of the houses, for tea, I felt quite peaceful, being fully assured that for this meal also the Lord would provide. On inquiry I found that there was bread enough in the Girls-Orphan-House, none at all in the Boys-Orphan-House, but enough in the Infant-Orphan-House both for the Infants and Boys. Therefore we were at this time supplied by the bread which was not needed at the Infant-Orphan-House. We have thus this day also what is absolutely needful. But now there is no bread in any of the houses, nor scarcely any thing else in the way of provisions.
Feb. 25. Greater than now our need had never been. Our trials of faith have never been so sharp as during this week. Indeed, so much so, that most of the labourers felt today considerably tried. Yet neither this day has the Lord suffered us to be confounded. Through a remarkable circumstance one of the labourers obtained some money this morning, so that all the need of today could be amply met. In the afternoon a physician of this city kindly sent 1l. for the Orphans, which was a sweet proof to us, when we met for prayer, that our kind Father had not forgotten us. Also on my way to the prayer-meeting at the Orphan-Houses I received 9s.
Feb. 26. My prayer this morning was in particular, that the Lord would be pleased now to look in pity upon us, and take off His hand. Indeed, for several days my prayer has been that He would enable us to continue to trust in Him, and not lay more upon us than He would enable us to bear. This is now again Saturday. There having been given yesterday a rich supply to the matrons, I knew that not so much as usual would be required this Saturday; still I thought that 1l. 10s. would be needed. Between ten and eleven oclock this morning a parcel came from Clapham, containing 2l. 2s., with 2 frocks, 2 petticoats, 2 chemises, 2 pinafores, and 6 handkerchiefs (all new.) Thus we were richly supplied for today, for only 1l. 10s. was needed. There was moreover half-a-sovereign put into the box at my house this day by a little boy, and 2s. 6d. came in by sale of articles. Thus we were brought to the close of a week in which more than at any previous time the Lord has been pleased to try our faith. To Him most manifestly we owe it that our faith has not failed completely.
Feb. 28. Yesterday Q. Q. gave me an order for 8l. As it was left to me to lay out the money as I thought well, I put 4l. of it to the School-Fund, and 4l. to the Orphan-Fund. Thus both parts of the work have been again most seasonably helped, as today the teachers in the Day-Schools greatly needed some money for themselves. Today 13s. was received for the Orphans.
March 2. Yesterday I found a sovereign in the Orphan-box at my house; received 9s. 2 3/4d. from three little boys, being the produce of their Orphan-box; 2s. 6d. for Reports; and 1l. 10s., being the profit of the sale of ladies baskets. Thus we were again supplied for yesterday and today. This evening were also sent, by order of an Irish sister, 33 1/2 lbs. of woollen yarn. Respecting this donation it is to be remarked, that last Saturday we had asked the Lord in our prayer-meeting, that He would be pleased to send us means to purchase worsted, in order that the boys might go on with their knitting.
March 3. Yesterday 5s. came in, and this evening a sovereign, when there was now again great need, there being no money in hand.
March 5. Saturday. It was not a small deliverance, that the Lord sent this morning, between ten and eleven oclock, 2l. 10s. from Edinburgh, when there were no means in hand to meet this days necessities, nay, not even the means to procure a dinner, as only 4s. had come in yesterday.—Evening. About eight oclock a gentleman called on me. He said "I come at a late hour, but I trust not the less acceptable on that account. I bring you a little money for the Orphans." He then gave me two sovereigns. When I requested him to give me his name, he told me, that if the giving of his name would be of any benefit he would do so, but as it would not, I might simply put down in the Report "Sent," for he was sure that the Lord had sent him.—I believe it, for the help came most seasonably and in answer to prayer. There was likewise taken out of the box in my house half-a-sovereign.
March 9. At a time of the greatest need, both with regard to the Day-Schools and the Orphans, so much so that we could not have gone on any longer without help, I received this day 10l. from a brother who lives near Dublin. The money was divided between the Day-Schools and the Orphan-Houses. The following little circumstance is to be noticed respecting this donation:—As our need was so great, and my soul was, through grace, truly waiting upon the Lord, I looked out for supplies in the course of this morning. The post, however, was out, and no supplies had come. This did not in the least discourage me. I said to myself, the Lord can send means without the post, or even now, though the post is out, by this very delivery of letters He may have sent means, though the money is not yet in my hands. It was not long after I had thus spoken to myself, when, according to my hope in God, we were helped; for the brother who sent us the 10l., had this time directed his letter to the Boys-Orphan-House, whence it was sent to me.
March 11. Yesterday a box arrived from one of the Northern Counties, respecting which the donor had requested that neither the articles which it contained, nor the name of the place whence it came, should be mentioned in the public account. I, therefore, only state here that thus the Lord has again most seasonably helped us, besides giving us a fresh proof, in raising up this new and anonymous donor, that He does not cease to care for us. It is intended to apply the produce of the articles contained in the box partly for the Orphans, and partly for the other objects. Though the box arrived only yesterday, we are even this day helped through means of it; for we disposed today of some of the articles to the amount of 9l. 6s. 6d. Of this sum 7l. 6s. 6d. was divided among the teachers, who much needed it; and 2l. was taken for the Orphan-Fund, without which the need of this day could not have been supplied in the Orphan-Houses.
March 17. From the 12th to the 16th had come in 4l. 5s. 1l 1/2d. for the Orphans. This morning our poverty, which now has lasted more or less for several months, had become exceedingly great. I left my house a few minutes after seven to go to the Orphan-Houses, to see whether there was money enough to take in the milk, which is brought about eight oclock. On my way it was especially my request, that the Lord would be pleased to pity us, even as a father pitieth his children, and that He would not lay more upon us than He would enable us to bear. I especially entreated him that He would now be pleased to refresh our hearts by sending us help. I likewise reminded Him of the consequences that would result, both in reference to believers and unbelievers, if we should have to give up the work because of want of means, and that He therefore would not permit its coming to nought. I moreover again confessed before the Lord that I deserved not that He should continue to use me in this work any longer. While I was thus in prayer, about two minutes walk from the Orphan-Houses, I met a brother who was going at this early hour to his business. After having exchanged a few words with him, I went on; but he presently ran after me, and gave me 1l. for the Orphans. Thus the Lord speedily answered my prayer. Truly, it is worth being poor and greatly tried in faith, for the sake of having day by day such precious proofs of the loving interest which our kind Father takes in every thing that concerns us. And how should our Father do otherwise? He that has given us the greatest possible proof of His love which He could have done, in giving us His own Son, surely He will with Him also freely give us all things. It is worth also being poor and greatly tried in faith, if but thereby the hearts of the children of God may be comforted and their faith strengthened; and if but those who do not know God, and who may read or hear of His dealings with us, should be led thereby to see, that faith in God is more than a mere notion, and that there is indeed reality in Christianity. In the course of this day there came in still further 13s.