A New Catalogue of Vulgar Errors

Since it must be no less than a Miracle which causes an Apparition, I shall proceed, without any Scruple, to prove that there is no such Thing in Nature really existing.

Of all the Errors with which the Brains of Mankind have been troubled, there is none of such ancient Standing as this. We have Ghosts and Hobgoblins even in Homer; not that there is Reason to suspect that Homer ever believed in them himself; he seemed too well versed in the real Phœnomena of Nature, to entertain any such chimerical Dreams as Truth; for Dreams they are, and no better: the true Somnia Vatum of the Ancients, handed down to Posterity, even to these enlightened Times. How many horrible Nights have been passed in cold Sweats, by otherwise very sensible People, owing to nothing else but the Apprehensions which they have had of these no-existing Gentry! How was even the Metropolis itself terrified the other Day, by the Scratching Ghost at Cock Lane! I think enough has been said, even in this little Book, to prove that no Noise can be made, unless by the Vibration of some elastic Body. If a Noise is made by a Voice, it must be from an Animal, which has Lungs and Breath to do it; if a Scratching is made, it must be done by something which has Hands, and Sinews to move those Hands; and it must have Nails, or some other bodily Substance, to scratch with, before it can cause a Sound to proceed from an elastic Body. So much for Scratching, and dismal Yellings, and Groanings of all Sorts, which have been fabled of Ghosts.

It will require a little Dissertation upon Optics, in order to explain the Cause of Light and Colours, before we can confute the Possibility of seeing an Apparition.

Light is found to be a real Substance; it is swift beyond Comprehension; if I mistake not, it is calculated by Sir Isaac Newton, to be only eight Minutes in passing from the Sun to the Earth; it is very subtle, passing through the hardest transparent Bodies; it is capable of Refraction and Reflection, that is, either of passing through a transparent Body, as a Window, or of being reflected from an even Surface, as a Looking-Glass, or a Piece of polished Steel; so that if we see any Object at my Time, the Cause of our seeing it, if there is no Window between, is by Reflection, or by the Rays of Light being reflected from the Object to the Eye of the Beholder, which is formed for the Reception of the Rays which come from the Object, in the same Manner as a Camera obscura.

When the Rays have found a Passage into the Pupil of the Eye, they fall upon a thin Membrane which is called the Retina, upon which Retina the exact Picture of the Object is represented, as may be seen by the Eye of an Ox, properly prepared and placed in the Hole of a Window-Shutter. This Retina is an Elongation from the Brain; and by this Means it is, that we receive those various agreeable or disagreeable Sensations with which we find ourselves affected, by the Sight of external Objects. So that we may observe, that it must be not only real Substance which must reflect Rays to the Eye, in order to cause Vision, but the Rays themselves, likewise, which come from that Object, are Substance.

If this is the Case, the Apparition of a Person must be a Substance, which is reflected from a Substance, which belongs to the Body of him who is dead, or is going to die. With regard to him who is dead and buried, one would think, that he and his Substance are so safe under Ground, that no Part of him can reflect any Rays; but a Person who is above Ground, either dead or dying, may reflect Rays to the Eye of a Beholder, and if it happens to be a Friend or Relation, such Rays will make so strong an Impression upon the Retina, that they shall in such a Manner imprint themselves upon that pliable Spot, as will cause the Brain and Nerves of the Beholder to have the Sensation of seeing the dead or dying Person some Time after the real Action of seeing him.

This will account for most of those positive Assertions, which we may hear in any Village, of the seeing the Apparitions of People after they are dead, or just before they die, 'tis all one. We very seldom hear of any such Thing in Town, which corresponds with what has been said; for in Town it is so common to have Deaths and Funerals, &c. that People are no more affected with the Sight of a dead Man than a living one. But the Case is quite different in Villages. A Village with fifty Houses in it, situated in a wholesome Country, shall not have above one Person die in a Year; this makes such a Stir, that all the old Women in the Town must have a Peep at the deceased, as he lies in his Coffin, with his Shroud on; which Alteration of Appearance in the dead Person, from what they remember him, a little while since, leaves such an Impression upon the Retinas of these old Women, that 'tis ten to one but some of them think they see him, as soon as the dark Hour comes on. And, very likely, a Person who thinks he sees an Apparition may not be altogether wrong; there may be some of the Picture of the dead Person still faintly remaining upon his Retina; and if so, it certainly will give the same Sensation as if he faintly saw the Person. If this is the Case, it is not the deceased come back again to bully us, as is generally imagined, if we do apprehend we see him; but the Remembrance of him strong in that Organ the Eye, by which we formed the Idea of him in our Minds, when we really did behold him.

Homer seems to allude to this, when he makes Patroclus's Ghost appear to Achilles. When Patroclus was slain by Hector before Troy, the Body, after a long Dispute for it, between the Greeks and Trojans, was brought to Achilles's Tent, where Achilles is described by the Poet, as making bitter Lamentations over the Body of his deceased Friend. At Night he lays himself down upon the Sea Shore, and falls asleep, when the Ghost of Patroclus comes to demand the funeral Obsequies.

Homer never introduces an Incredulus Odi into his Works; he has an Eye upon Probability in all his Fictions. It seems probable, that Achilles, after he had been hanging over the Body of Patroclus, either quite asleep, or between sleeping and waking, should imagine that he saw his Friend's Apparition. And though Homer might not have heard of such a Thing as the Retina in the Eye, (though it is not at all impossible he should, for he shews himself a great Anatomist) yet he very well knew the Impression which the Sight of a departed Friend is sure to make upon the Mind of the Beholder. By this Propriety of Introduction, he keeps up the Appearance of Probability, so necessary even in Poetry itself, which is generally Fiction.

By this it should seem, that Homer was tacitly of Opinion, that there is really no such Thing in Nature as an Apparition, and that it has no other Existence than in the Imaginations of Men. And we have the more Reason to believe that this was his Opinion, as we find that he did not choose to introduce the Ghost of Patroclus to Achilles, when he was broad awake; but, as he thought it might seem to want the Air of Probability, if he made Patroclus appear to Achilles when awake, he takes Care to compose Achilles into a Nap first, and by that means leaves the Reader to his own Opinion, whether the Ghost did really come, or whether Achilles only thought so. This is one of those Touches of Art with which Homer abounds.

But there is another Reason why we have so many of these Stories told us of Apparitions by our Grandmothers; and that is, the Tricks which the Priests of the Roman Catholic Times found it necessary to put upon their Flock, in order to keep up their Credit.

Chymistry was the Study of those Times, and Lectures were given in them at the Universities, as frequently as they are in Philosophy at present. It is for this Reason, I apprehend, that Shakespeare introduces Friar Lawrence, a Student in a Convent or Roman Catholic College, with several Kinds of Herbs in a Basket, the particular Virtues of which he seems perfectly to understand, and which he is going to extract from them, for physical Uses: Had Shakespeare lived in these Times, most likely he would have introduced him with a Quadrant, a Globe, or a Prism, or some other Philosophical Instrument. Now those who have not seen some little of Chymistry, have no Notion of the Wonders that are to be done by it; and these crafty Priests knew so well how to make Use of their Art to the best Advantage, that they could frighten a whole Village, whenever they had an Inclination to play their Pranks. Friar Bacon, who was perhaps the greatest Chymist in Europe, used to play so many Tricks, that he was thought by the whole Country, to deal with the Devil; and many Stories of him are now extant, to that Effect. One of the most common Pranks amongst these Gentry was this: They used to get one who could draw well, to take some Phosphorus (which is a Chymical Preparation from Urine) in his Pocket; having thus armed themselves, they perhaps would step into the first Alehouse where they saw a Light, and mix with the Company. He who was in Possession of the Phosphorus would get up and go to the Wall, under some Pretence or other, upon which he would draw what Picture came first into his Head, very likely the Picture of the Devil. Nothing is to be seen by Candle-Light, and it must be dark, before the Marks made by Phosphorus upon a Wall will appear like Fire. After sitting a little while, one of them would either introduce some Discourse about the Wickedness of the Times, or would tell some Story about Apparitions; in the middle of which another would run against the Candle, as if by Accident, and put it out. As soon as the Candle is out, another of them pretends to have found out this Figure upon the Wall, which will appear like Fire. You may guess the Surprize of the poor Country People, at seeing the Old Gentleman upon the Wall.—They all take to their Heels. In the mean Time, to improve their Ideas, another of the Confederates sets Fire to Brimstone, or some other stinking Combustible, and pops it against all their Noses, as they run out of Doors; and after these two powerful Sensations of seeing and smelling, it would be quite impossible, by any Arguments, to persuade any of the Company, that they had not actually seen the Prince of Darkness. By these and such like Arts, the Roman Catholic Priests so long kept this now well-delivered Country under their Subjection.

Though this Account appears ridiculous enough, the Effect which such Sort of Pranks have upon the weak Minds of Women and Children, are very serious; and the Ideas which are received at this Time of Life, make such an Impression upon some People, that they are unable to get the better of their Apprehensions, even when they grow up.

I know a Person of the first Sense, and a great Scholar, who retains these Stories so strong in his Memory, that he dare as well put his Fingers into the Old Lion's Mouth at the Tower, as go up to a Monument, which stands in a certain Chapel in this University, after it is dark; not that he really believes any Thing would hurt him there; nevertheless he declares he cannot get the better of it. And I make no Doubt, that not only this Gentleman, but Thousands more of his Majesty's good and bold Subjects, are in the same Way.

I look upon our Sailors, to care as little what becomes of themselves, as any Set of People under the Sun; and yet no People are so much terrified at the Thoughts of an Apparition. Their Sea Songs are full of them; they firmly believe their Existence; and honest Jack Tar shall be more frightened at a glimmering of the Moon upon the Tackling of the Ship, than he would be if a Frenchman was to clap a Blunderbuss to his Head.

I was told a Story by an Officer in the Navy, which may not be foreign to the Purpose.

About half a Dozen of the Sailors on board a Man of War, took it into their Heads, that there was a Ghost in the Ship; and being asked by the Captain, what Reason they had to apprehend any such Thing, they told him, that they were sure there was a Ghost, for they smelt him. The Captain at first laughed at them, and called them a Parcel of Lubbers, and advised them not to entertain any such silly Notions as these, but mind their Work. It passed on very well for a Day or two; but one Night, being in another Ghost-smelling Humour, they all came to the Captain, and told him, that they were quite certain, there was a Ghost, and he was somewhere behind the Small-beer Barrels: The Captain, quite enraged at their Folly, was determined, they should have something to be frightened at in earnest; and so ordered the Boatswain's Mate to give them all a Dozen of Lashes, with a Cat 'o nine Tails; by which means, the Ship was entirely cleared of Ghosts, during the remainder of the Voyage. However, when the Barrels were removed, some Time after, they found a dead Rat, or some such Thing, which was concluded, by the rest of the Crew, to be the Ghost, which had been smelt a little before. Thus we see, that the bravest Men of the Universe, may be terrified, if they give way to their own chimerical Ideas; and that it is only for want of searching into the Causes of the Phœnomena of Nature, that People disturb themselves in this Manner, with such groundless and unphilosophical Apprehensions. However, a great deal may be said in Favour of Men, troubled with the Scurvy, the Concomitants of which Disorder, are generally Faintings and the Hip, and Horrors without any Ground for them; which leads me to say something upon an Error, relative to that Sea Disorder, the Scurvy.

XIII.

That Bleeding is proper for a Patient, who is apt to be sick in a Morning.

The first Person I heard remark this Error, was an old Physician, who, though he had but little Practice, on Account of his travelling Disposition, was nevertheless a Man of great Speculation. He had been three Times over the Alps on Foot; and was in many Respects, a curious Man.

The Company did not seem to take much Notice of his Remark, because he certainly was an Oddity; however, if we may believe the Accounts of those Physicians who have lately wrote upon the Scurvy, the Old Gentleman was in the right.

It seems, that among all the dreadful Symtoms, which accompany the Scurvy, a fainting Sickness in a Morning, is the most certain Indication of it. Many, upon Application for Relief, in that Case, have been treated as Consumptive; when, upon a more strict Enquiry, they have been found to have a violent Scurvy, and have been restored to Health by Mineral Waters. If that is the Case, and fainting Sickness in a Morning, is a Sympton of the Scurvy, Bleeding cannot be proper, as nothing is more likely to encrease the Fainting, than Phlebotomy.

I met with an Author somewhere, who reasoned upon the Subject, in this Manner. He alledged, that the Cause of Fainting in the Scurvy, was owing to such a Relaxation in the Blood Vessels, that they had not Power to perform their Operations; and by that Means, were unable to give their Contents, that quick, spirited Motion, which is required, to keep them in the upper Parts of the Body; and that, by the Blood being suffered to fall down to the lower Parts of the Body, the Head, Heart, and other Vital Parts, were left destitute of that Fluid, which is so necessary for the Preservation of Life. This he proves, by the sudden Change which is caused in Patients, afflicted with the Scurvy, on altering their Position. If, says he, you cause a Patient to be raised up in his Hammock, though before he was in very good Spirits (a Thing peculiar to the Sea Scurvy, even in the last Stages of it, at Times) he will faint immediately; if you lay him in an inclined Posture, he will recover again. And he gives this Reason for it, viz. that the Blood settles downwards, in the same Manner, as Humours do in a Dropsy, when the Patient is erect; and that it returns again, when he is supine; and by that Means, it re-invigorates those Parts, which were distressed by its Absence. If this is the Case, and the learned Doctor's Position is true, to take away that little Blood, which is left behind, in the upper Parts of the Body, on a Scorbutic Patient's getting into an erect Posture, or rising in a Morning, is to deprive him of all the Nourishment which his Vital Parts contain for their Preservation, and seems to be a ready way to dispatch him.

It would be prudent therefore, in an Apothecary, before he lets his Patient blood, when he is taken sick in a Morning, to examine him well all over, in order to find out those Eruptions, which denote a Scorbutic Habit of Body. For if he is ignorant of the Patient's Disorder, and lets him blood, though he may survive this Operation, he will most likely have such a Fainting, as to amount to a Fit next Morning; upon which, in his Fright and Hurry, he will let him blood again, thinking it an Apoplexy.

I hope the Physical Gentlemen, will not take it amiss that I interfere thus with their Profession; only, as I have known some Accidents happen in this Case, by not regular-bred Practioners, I hope they will pardon the Liberty, which is here taken.

If any Person should here object, that I have confounded the Land Scurvy with the Sea Scurvy, without making any Distinction between the two Disorders; I answer, that though they may be different in some Respects, yet they are very near related; and moreover, that with Respect to the Faintings in a Morning, they are the same, and the Faintings proceed from the same Cause in both. Their Causes may be different, and yet their Effects be very similar; or, 'till all the Causes of the Sea Scurvy are clearly found out, it is not possible to say, that they do not both proceed from the same Cause. For I suppose it will be allowed, that the Land Scurvy generally proceeds from too high Living, from salt Diet, from too much animal Food, from too little Exercise, &c. Now let us examine into the Sea Scurvy. They are subject to these Inconveniences in a greater Degree at Sea than they are at Land: In the first Place, in long Voyages they have nothing but salt Provisions; then they have no Greens; all animal Diet, except a little dried Biscuit; and then though it must be allowed, that in a Gale of Wind they have Trouble enough to work the Ship, and by that Means receive proper Exercise, yet at other Times, when they have fallen in with the Trade Winds, they sometimes have no Employ for Months together; and (by the bye) any one, who takes Notice of Voyages, will find that it is at those Times, when the Scurvy does the most Mischief. It is then that the Ship becomes almost a Prison. For when they go up aloft, the Air, by it's Friction, braces their Nerves, clears away the bad Vapours, creates an Appetite, and strengthens their Joints; but when a Ship is going before a fine Gale of Wind, so steady as the Trade Winds are, the Men have no Employ, and having no Occasion to go aloft, either loll upon Deck in the Day-Time, or sleep in their Hammocks at Night.

We do not insist here, that there is no Difference between the Land and Sea Scurvy, or that there are no other Reasons for the Sea Scurvy than are here mentioned. We know that some other Causes are assigned, as the being so long absent from Land, and thereby receiving none of those Vapours, which, coming out of the Earth, may be necessary for the Preservation of a Land Animal, &c. and these Causes likewise may correspond with the former, here mentioned.

We shall now beg Leave to offer a little Scheme, for hindering the Progress of the Sea Scurvy, which however we do not insist upon, having no great Opinion of any Proposition, which we start new of our own.

What I would propose is, some Help or Relief to a Ship, when she is on a long Voyage, and sailing before a Trade Wind, and finds the Scurvy begin to attack her. In order to which, it will be necessary to say something concerning the Nature of that Element called the Air.

Air is an elastic Fluid, as has been observed before, and is subject to an easy Motion of it's Parts amongst themselves, as all Fluids are. It is subject to Currents and Eddies, in the same Manner as Water. A Current of Air is commonly known by the Name of Wind; and the greater Quantity of this Air or Wind, an Animal who has Organs for the Reception of it, and who cannot live without it a Moment; the more free Passage (I say) a Current of Air has, by such an Animal, in Health and Motion, the more wholesome it is for him. Now, I will endeavour to prove, that a Ship under Sail, before a Trade Wind, has but little Change of Situation in this Current, notwithstanding her Motion is so swift, with regard to her Change of Place upon the Surface of the Earth.

We will endeavour to explain our Meaning, by a Cork swimming down a current of Water.

If any one throws a Cork into a Stream of Water, he will find that the Cork will be attended, during its Progress down the Stream, by the same Particles of the Fluid, which it happened to fall upon, when it first set off; notwithstanding, it changes its Position, with regard to the Surface of the Earth. This is the Case with a Ship, sailing before the Wind; she receives nothing near the Quantity of Air, upon her Sides and between her Decks, in a full Wind, that she does when the Wind is upon her Beam, or on one Side of her; which may be demonstrated by a second Experiment upon the Cork in the Water.

If any one takes a Cork and ties a long Thread to it, and throws it into a Stream, he will find, that the Cork, when he draws it sideways along the Stream, changes its Place in the Water every Inch he draws it. This is so plain, that there is no Occasion to say any more about it; and we humbly apprehend, that the Case would be the same, with regard to a Ship which is sailing before the Wind, or going down a Current of Air. We do alledge, that the fresh Air running between the Decks of a Ship, would sweeten and clear away the bad Vapours and Filth from the Men in her, as much more in the Position of a Side-Wind, as a Stream of Water would wash more Dirt off a Cork, if it was drawn sideways along it by a Thread, than if it was suffered to swim down by itself. For the Motion of a good Ship, when she has all her Sails up in a moderate Gale before the Wind, is very near, if not quite as swift as the Wind itself.

Therefore, what I would advance here is, that as the Sea Scurvy in long Voyages proceeds as much from the Confinement of a Ship, as from any other Cause, may it not be deemed reasonable, that any Scheme, which serves to make a more free Current of Air through a Ship, may be a great Hindrance to the Progress of the Scurvy?

The Scheme is only this plain and easy one, viz. that when a Ship is upon a long Voyage, before a Trade Wind, the Captain once a Day should give Orders, to lay her upon a Side-Wind, or a Quarters Wind, if he thinks it more safe, for about a League or two, during which Tack, he may open the Port-holes of her Windward Side; and after going a League or two in that Manner, she might be tacked about and laid upon her other Side; and by doing this, he would sweeten every Corner of the Ship, and at the same Time exercise his Men. Now, though this Practice would retard him a little in his Voyage, would it not be better to lose a little Time, and bring a Ship's Crew Home in tolerable good Plight, than to have half of them dead, before they get to the End of their Voyage? I am far from insisting, that this Scheme would answer the End; all that I know is, that if I was Captain of a Ship, I would try; and if it answered no End, it would but be leaving it off afterwards. And I hope the Sea Gentlemen will not be angry at this little Essay, as it is wrote for the Sake of their Health and Constitutions.

They know very well, that Wind travels much slower than is imagined by the Generality of Landmen; which brings me to another Error, (viz.)

XIV.

That nothing which moves upon the Surface of the Earth, is so swift as the Wind.

Though, in a Storm, Wind moves with a great Velocity, yet in a moderate Gale, it is nothing near so swift as is generally apprehended.

The Ancients were so wrapped up in their Opinion of the Swiftness of Wind, that they were sure to introduce it as a Simile, when they intended to describe any Thing that was rapid in it's Motion.

Horace, for one, was so fond of it, that he has introduced it into his elegant Ode, Otium Divos, &c.

However, one would think, that if he was determined to compare Wind to an Idea or Sensation in the human Mind, he might have thought of one more swift in it's Motions. For though the East Wind is a heavy Wind, and lays very keen Hold of a Sail, as being cold, and therefore more condensed, and moving with greater Moment, on Account of it's Weight; yet I am very much mistaken if we have any East Winds, that travel near so fast as the South-West Winds which we have in March; nay, so far is it from being swift, that when it is set in, we may feel it blow against our Bodies, with a more steady, slow Motion than any other; and it is reasonable to suppose, that it ought to move slower according to the Rules of Philosophy: For the Barometer shews, that the colder the Air is, the more it weighs; and a heavy Body takes more Time in changing it's Place, by a Force or Cause, than a light one.

However, we will not tax Horace with Impropriety, in so fine an Ode; as we do not know, what the East Winds may be in Italy. They had not the German Ocean to pass over, before they came to Horace, and may be warm, light, and soft, in that Country.

But to return: There are many Things upon the Surface of the Earth, (without being obliged to have Recourse to the extraordinary Velocity of Light) which move faster than the Wind. We have no Occasion to go any further than the Flight of a Pigeon, or a Swallow, even for a Storm; which we may observe, by the Motion of light Bodies, such as Feathers and Straws, which have no Power to resist it's Force, and must be hurried away with the same Velocity as the Wind itself. We may easily try the Experiment, by throwing Feathers from off a Church Steeple, or any high Place; and we shall find, that though they will be hurried off at a great Rate, yet not so swift as a Pigeon upon her full Stretch. Those who are at Sea have a much better Opportunity of observing it's Motions than Landmen: Nothing is more common, than to see that the Wind has chopped about, by it's Action upon the Sails of a Ship at great Distance off; and it is a long Time before it reaches the Sails of the Ship from whence it is first discovered; and even when a Storm is seen coming at a Distance, they have Time enough to reeve the Sails, and lie in a Posture to receive it. It would be very easy at Land, to take an exact Measure of the Velocity of any Wind, by watching it when it first comes. It might be done in this Manner, viz. by taking the exact Distance of all the Churches in the Neighbourhood from each other, and setting Flags upon the Steeples of those which stand easy to be seen, and which are in different Directions; after which, a Person might go up to the Top of one which stood in the middle of them, with a Telescope, and as soon as he saw the Flags upon any of the Steeples at a Distance move from the Directions which they stood in when he first ascended the Steeple, he might be certain of a fresh Gale being come, and that it had just then reached that Steeple. Upon seeing this, all that he would have to do would be, to look at his Watch and by that Means he would know how fast the Gale of Wind had travelled, by observing how many Miles it had gone in such a Time. For by observing the Flag on the Steeple at a Distance, he might know when it had reached that Place, and by the Flag upon the Steeple where the Observer himself stood, he might see when it reached him, and by his Watch he might know how long it had been coming.

XV.

That there is now, or ever was, such a Science as Astrology.

Reader, when thou dost peruse this Book, I would have thee sensible of the intrinsic Value of Truth; one single Page of this inestimable Commodity, is worth a Thousand Volumes of Lies. I do not intend to impose upon thee, and lead thee astray, and laugh at thee afterwards; even as the Egyptian Priests of old did deceive their Flock, and at the same Time did laugh at them, for worshiping the monstrous Idols, which were the Compositions of their own Craft. Thou wouldest hardly believe that these Idolaters were so grossly imposed upon, as to be induced to worship Garlick and Onions; and yet, we have Accounts, that if the Priests of those Times did fix their Eyes upon a good Crop of those Vegetables, they could very easily rank them amongst the Number of their Gods; and, by that Means, render them unlawful to be handled by any one, except themselves. What might be their Intent, in such a Case, we will not presume to determine, but leave it to thy own superior Judgment.

Indeed, thou mayest think thyself happy, in being a Native of a Country, where the exact Boundary is fixed to every one's Property; and where, though when thou dost endeavour to defend thy Right, thou wilt find some who are ready to go Halves with thee, yet, thou mayest in Time hinder thy Adversary from enjoying what is thy Due.

And moreover, thou mayest think thyself very comfortable, that thou dost breathe in so free an Air, where thou hast the refreshing Liberty of hearkening to Reason, and of thinking as thou dost like best; for if thou didst live in some Countries, thou wouldest find, that thou must either think as others please to dictate to thee, or else keep thy Thoughts to thyself; otherwise, it had been better for thee, if thou hadst never been able to come at the Knowledge of Truth, and had been as ignorant as those Idolatrous Egyptians before mentioned; who, while their Priests were studying the real Science of Astronomy, kept the Laity in the dark, and amused them with the false Science of Astrology; making them believe that they could foretell all Things which should happen to them and their Families, by their Knowledge of the Stars; and persuading them, that the Stars had an Influence upon the Lives and Fortunes of Individuals; introducing the Jargon of being born under particular Planets, and the like. To all which their Impositions they gained the greater Credit, by being able to calculate, and therefore to foretell the Eclipses of the Sun and Moon; which Phenomena of Nature they used to explain so as to answer their own sinister Views; construing the common Motions and Appearances of the Heavenly Bodies, into Prodigies and Wonders; fortelling the Deaths of those they hated, and taking the Opportunity of that Time of Consternation, to dispatch them, in order to make their Words prove true. I tell thee, Reader, thou art happy in being a Native of a Country where thou art not deceived by the false Science of Astrology; and where any one who understands it, whether Priest or Layman, will shew thee as much of the real Science of Astronomy, as thou desirest to learn, for a Bottle or two of Wine, with all his Heart; well knowing, that it will be a Means to give thee a more sublime Notion of the Supreme Being: For the more thou dost contemplate the vast Machinery of the Heavenly Bodies, and the exact Time which they keep in their Revolutions, the more thou wilt be convinced of the immense Contrivance of Him who laid the Foundation of the Heavens.

XVI.

Most Londoners are mistaken when they think that they have Wit enough to impose upon Countrymen.

This Error chiefly proceeds from the outward Appearance of Countrymen, when they arrive at the Metropolis. They are struck with the Grandeur of the Place, and on that Account keep their Heads up in the Air, as if they were contemplating some Phœnomenon in the Heavens. Then their Cloaths, being calculated for Strength and Wear, are spun thick, which gives them a stiff, awkward Gait, and this is not a little augmented by the robust Labour which they daily undergo, and the great Burthens, of different Sorts, which they are continually obliged to bear, through the Course of their Farming Business. This Aukwardness, joined to an Absence, which the Contemplation of any Thing fine is sure to beget, makes high Diversion for the Londoners, and they are apt to put many Tricks upon them, as Clowns, which the Countrymen (being Strangers to the Place) easily fall into; upon which Account, those Urban Mobility, are apt to tax them with Want of Quickness of Apprehension.

But, O Cives! let us first examine into the real State of the Case, and make a little Allowance for Robin's Parallax, before we are too hard upon his Abilities. I tell thee, your right Clown is the sharpest Fellow in the World; and if thou hadst any Dealings with him in his own Way, thou wouldest soon find him so, to thy Cost. If he came from Yerkshire, thou wouldest have no Chance with him, And we humbly conceive, that it is upon this Account that Countrymen have the Name of Clowns given them: For we take the Original Meaning of a Clown to be, one who is a quick, bright, witty Fellow, who puts on the Appearance of Folly, while his Head is at Work to deceive you. Such as these were Shakespeare's Clowns, who knew the Meaning of the Word too well to make Fools of them. These were the Fellows that he has employed, when there was any Business to dispatch, which required more than ordinary Address and Secresy in the Management of it, and who were to make Diversion to crowned Heads by the Sprightliness of their Wit. So that we apprehend the Word Clown, in it's original Meaning, does not signify an aukward Lout, but a bright, quick Fellow, who does more by his natural Parts, than by the Help of Education. From hence it was that Countrymen came to be called Clowns. They were found, upon Examination, to be much brighter and sharper than they appeared to be at first Sight.

We have a true Specimen of one of these Kind of Geniuses, in The Journey to London, in the Character of John Moody; who, though he was bewildered in the Hurry and Bustle of London, and broke his Coach, and lost his Monkey, yet we find John has Sense enough to make just Observations upon his Master's Conduct, as well as his Mistress's; and, no Doubt, had John been a real Character, instead of a fictitious one, he would have wished in his Heart, that he had had the Offender, who broke his Coach, before his Master as a Justice of the Peace, at his own Quarter Sessions in the Borough of Guzzledown; for if he had once got him there, whether the Accident which befel the Carriage, was occasioned by his own aukward driving on the wrong Side of the Street, or whether the Fellow did it on Purpose, would have been all one in the Borough of Guzzledown. The Breaking his Worship's Coach, would have been sufficient to have had him sent to Limbo.

XVII.

That a Pointer, if he lifts up his Foot, when he comes upon Game, does it in order to shew his Master the Spot where the Birds lie.

This is so well known to be an Error, that no Person, who is a Sportsman, need be informed of the Mistake, with any other Design, than by Way of Ridicule. It truly deserves the Name of a Vulgar Error: However, we shall put in a Word or two concerning the Nature of Pointers, and explain by what Means they arrive at such Perfection, as to point at a Partridge for two Hours together; as it will be necessary, in order to confute the Error.

There are different Kinds of Pointers, some are of Spanish Extraction, some Portuguese, some French, and I have lately heard of a rough Breed from Germany; in the West of England, and in Wales, they make them of English Spaniels, but as that is done by meer Dint of Correction, we shall pass them over in Silence; though they are esteemed excellent when they are well broke.

What we shall endeavour to explain is, how it comes to pass, that a real true bred Pointer, shall point or stand at his Game, for a short Time, without having any Instructions given him at all by any Person.

I apprehend, that a Pointer, if he was in a State of Nature, wild in the Woods and Fields, would procure his Sustenance in this Manner: He would beat about, till he came upon the Scent of something which struck him considerably, and seemed worth his Attention; after which he would, by the Direction of the Scent, creep a little nearer, till he found himself quite certain that he was very near some Game; upon which, such is the vast Pleasure which this Animal receives from the Sensation of Smelling, his Limbs are seized with a Sort of Convulsion, which causes him to make a full Stop, for a short Time, not only in order to contemplate his agreeable Situation, but likewise to consider, how he may best make such a sure Leap as to seize on his Prey.

Reader, when thou art hungry, and art going about thy Business in Haste thro' the City, did the savoury Effluvia which arises from roast Beef never strike thy olfactory Nerves? Yes, no Doubt, thou hast been so agreeably accosted; thou hast made a full Stop; thou hast been so captivated with the Odour thereof, that thou hast begun to consider, even like a Pointer, how to seize upon this thy Game. If thou hast ever had such an Accident, thou mayest easily know the Situation of a Pointer, by consulting thy own Breast. It will be objected, that a Pointer wild in the Woods, could not support himself, at all Times of the Year, by catching Game. In answer to which, I say, that it is the Cold which hinders the Game from breeding continually. Now in Portugal, and those other warm Countries, of which these Dogs are Natives, the Objection of Cold is removed, and for that Reason there always will be, either young Partridges, or Young Pheasants, or Leverets, &c. upon which a Pointer might live all the Year round, though the old ones would prove too quick for him. It will be no Objection, neither, to say, that a true bred Pointer will not break or tear his Game; for that is owing to the Care which is taken, not to let him play with a Bird too long, after it is shot, when he is first entered; for if once a Dog has a Taste of the Blood, and gets a Habit of breaking his Game, it will be almost impossible to cure him of it again.

It is the Nature of most Animals of Prey, to play with their Game before they devour it. Every one must have observed how a Cat plays with a Mouse, before she dispatches it: It is a Kind of a Suspension of the Pleasure, which they promise themselves, in the devouring so delicious a Morsel. And though Human Nature is apt to reflect upon the other Parts of the Creation for Cruelty, he is not a bit better himself; for what Angler is not sensible of the high Pleasure of having a Trout at his Line? which he suffers to flounce and spring in the Water much longer than he has Occasion, to which violent Pain and Fright of the Fish he gives the Name of fine Sport. Not to mention hunting an Animal to Death by Inches, with Hounds, when he might take a Gun, and dispatch it in a Second. The Truth is, no Animal can be taxed with Cruelty, so long as he pursues the Dictates of his Nature.

Since then it is the Nature of most Animals to play with their Game before they dispatch it, we may conclude, that if a young Pointer does not devour his Game when it is shot to him, it is only because we do not give him Time enough, and that, like other Animals of Prey, it is not his Manner to do it immediately.

Having shewn that a Pointer is an Animal whose Prey is Game, we may conclude, that a young Dog makes that sudden Stop when he comes upon Game, for the same Reason that a Cat stops before she leaps upon a Sparrow; viz. that he may dart the surer upon them when he does leap.

As to the Article of holding up his Foot, it entirely depends upon what Position his Legs happen to be in, when his Nose first catches the full Scent of the Birds; he stands in a convulsed Situation; and whatever Posture a Leg is in, at the Time of his first being sure of the Scent, in that Attitude he remains, whether his Leg happens to be lifted up or on the Ground. So that if he does lift up his Leg, when he points at the Game, it is not in order to shew his Master the Spot where they lie, as some have imagined, but is entirely accidental.

XVIII.

That the Way to make Boys learn their Books, is to keep them in School all Day, and whip them.

Though the Examples which we have of the Behaviour of the Ancient Worthies and Heroes, shew, that neither Bonds nor Imprisonment can abate the Intrepidity of a Man of true Courage; Yet, to Mankind in general, and especially to those who are but of tender Years, Imprisonment and Scourging together, are most likely to blunt the Understanding, and take off the Edge of the Genius. And indeed, the Mistake of imprisoning Boys in a School, for whole Days together, is practised only in Country Schools, where the Masters of them know no better. At Eaton and Westminster, that foolish Custom has been abolished for some Time; at Eaton especially, they perfect themselves in their Lessons out of School, and only come into School to repeat them. And, not to mention, how greatly the fresh Air contributes towards clearing the Head, as all Students must have observed; the very Thoughts of Liberty, and the knowing that after they have done with their Lessons, they can follow their Amusements, is enough to make them apply with double Diligence to what they are about: It is a Kind of Fighting for Liberty in that Case. Whereas, when a Boy is confined to School for a whole Day together, he has no Encouragement to exert himself in the Cause of Liberty; for when he has fought his Battle bravely, and gone through all the Dangers of his Campaign, he is no nearer to his wished-for Mark, Liberty, than the dullest Boy at the lower End of School. But this leads me to another Error, (viz.)

XIX.

That clogging their Parts with long Grammar Rules, will make them bright Scholars.

This Practice too begins to be left off in the great Schools. I remember, when I was a Boy, though I was exceedingly well grounded, and had the whole Scheme of the Grammar quite clear in my Head; yet they thought proper to torment me a long Time, with Rules at the End of the Syntax.

There was licet, and there was decet, and tædet, and oportet, and nocet, and Abundance more, Verbs Impersonal, that ought to be tied upon a String, like the Roman-Catholic Beads, before they are given to Boys to get by Heart, without any Connection between them. I was in Phædrus's Fables, and should have known any of these independent Gentry, if I had met them singly in any Country in Europe, without being tormented with them alltogether.

Such Methods as these, are apt to make a Boy apprehend, that the Intention of Grammar is meerly to give Trouble, and perplex; without any View of Advantage, which may hereafter arise from such an intense Application.

And indeed, whatever the Intent of them may be, a Lad of such a Persuasion, would not be much mistaken, with regard to the Effect they have.

It must be a very different Kind of Genius, which can attain to the Repetition of dull Grammar Rules, from one, who has Fire enough to digest the Beauty of such Lines as these: