The faintness of my heart
When strife and evil rose,
The worse and lesser part
Which it for ever chose,
God knows.
The passions that have bound
My soul with chains of earth,
The sorrows that have found
Their home with me since birth,
The dearth
Of all these nobler things
That make existence fair,
The stain of sin that clings
Until we cease to care
For prayer,
All this must I atone:
And though eternal woes
My banished soul alone,
Must bear without repose,
Yet I am not afraid
To know God knows.
FOUND WANTING
I turn'd to you, the sky was amber gold,
Blue haze and flaming bracken stretched away
In undulating mystery to the day,
Reclining that the evening might behold
And hide her softly 'neath his starlit wings.
A trembling breeze caressed the nearer things
About us, pausing now and then to play
Within the tender shadows of your hair,
Across the sky, like darts flung high in air
A flight of swallows struck against the glow
An instant, ere they melted quite away,
Like thoughts consumed by passion, and the lay
Of home birds grew emotional and low.
My very soul came forth and sought your eyes,
But in their depth no raptured awe took birth,
You stood indifferent to the throb of earth,
You gazed unseeing at the burning skies,
And all it meant you could not realize!
* * * * *
A little shiver crept along my heart—
For you and I were strangers, far apart.
IN DARKNESS
Oh! that the night were passed, and morn,
Made lovely by the joy of spring,
Would flood these sombre clouds with dawn,
Oh! that some hopeful bird would sing,
And in his tiny feathered throat
Contain the answer vast, remote,
My spirit seeks in endless spheres
Of thought, and prayer, yet never hears!
BROTHER FILIPPO
Ring on! Oh endless vesper bell!
What can you know of that deep Hell
Upon this Earth, where men may dwell.
Ring on! Your calling is in vain,
What holy rite can lull the pain
Of mortal Sin's Immortal stain.
* * * * *
It was the heavy hour of noon,
When Nature still as in a swoon
Reclines beneath the spell of June.
I left the Monastery gate,
And sought the forest shade, to wait
For even hour, and meditate.
My missal in my hand I took,
And read within the Holy Book
How vain the joys a monk forsook.
I thought of Heaven, and all therein
I hoped by penitence to win;
My heart was free from mortal sin.
When lo! as of enchanted spheres
A languid music smote my ears,
With vast delight, and vaster fears.
It was as if all deadly wrong
Grown honied sweet in magic song
Caressed my senses, deep and long.
My eyes upon the missal bent
Sprang upward, and in ravishment
Beheld a gaze on me intent.
The figure of a tender maid,
Within the larches' trembling glade
Clothèd in sunlight and in shade—
Was bending o'er me, and her breast
Full worthy of a King's behest
She offered, that my head might rest.
She was most pale, and frail, and white,
Like moonlit mist on Summer's night,
Like memory of wan delight.
And thro' the tendrils of her hair
There blew a breath of scented air,
Of all sweet things from everywhere.
A limpid magic were her eyes,
Two mountain lakes, where sunlight lies
Enamoured, and of passion dies.
From out her lips proceeded words
More soft than distant pipe of herds,
More tender than the song of birds.
I know not what the tongue she spake,
But all my senses leapt to ache
With longing, for her asking's sake.
As in a dream I rose and pressed
Her bending slimness to my breast:
With eager kiss my mouth caressed
The flaming redness of her own,
All else on earth had nothing grown,
Save that we two were there alone.
Within my ears the rush of streams,
My vision shot with lurid gleams,
My spirit bathed in burning dreams!
A vital fragrance round her clung,
As if from earth's deep veins was wrung
The sap of springs for ever young.
It turned my blood to living fire,
The universe immense, entire,
Was bound in me, and my desire.
No mortal man was I, while still
I kissed and wreaked my ardent will
Upon that form of tender ill.
She cast her magic over me,
Her spell of Immortality,
That lost my soul Eternity.
The sunlight faded, and the day
As one affrighted fled away,
Suddenly tremulous and gray.
An icy wind sprang up, and blew
A shuddering breath along the dew,
It chilled my body thro' and thro'.
I sought the shelter of her hair,
But lo! my sinful breast was bare,
My arms outstretched to empty air.
I wept aloud, in anguish cried,
The echoes hastened to deride!
She came no longer to my side.
And in her stead, with agony
Of dumb regret, most bitterly
My soul came forth, and looked on me!
* * * * *
Within the forest's depth a bird
Began to twitter, and I heard
Trees stirring at its tender word.
I woke as from a searing dream,
Beside my feet a little stream
Grew rosy with a sunset beam.
The earth gave forth her fragrant store;
Obedient to Eternal law,
All things were even as before,
All things save I, who moaned, and stood
A stranger, in the tranquil wood.
My spirit shrank away, nor could
Refresh itself at Nature's breast,
Its lips were burnt, defiled, caressed
Of sin, unholy and unblessed!
I knew it then! fulfilled desires
Are in themselves Hell's deepest fires,
And man when highest he aspires
The more may fall beneath his lust.
And yet, ah! Heaven, the while I thrust
My sense in penitential dust
I knew that thro' my misery
A tremor stole persistently,
Of rapture at her memory.
Shall I confess with spirit bent
That hour of awful ravishment?
Dear God, but should I not repent?
'Twere better that we two should die
A thousand deaths, my soul and I,
Than live an everlasting lie!
Oh soul! What would you have me say,
To Him whose hand shall never stay
Its vengeance on this woeful day!
* * * * *
Ring on! oh endless vesper bell!
What can you know of that deep Hell
Upon this earth where men may dwell,
And God, does He know? Who can tell——
AN AUTUMN RIDE
Malvern
The world's a beautiful world to-day,
A flame of gold and a dusk of gray,
Where Autumn leaves toss their gaudy crests
O'er still deep lanes, where the twilight rests.
Just overhead as I ride along
A hopeful thrush charms his thought to song,
And all that's joyous within me springs
To meet the promise of which he sings.
Away to Heaven the melting view
Is soft with raptures of endless blue;
Submerge, entwine, till the eye can see
No shade that is not a harmony.
As part of nature's most perfect whole
Each humble object conceives a soul,
No tiny flower in the distance lost,
But gives its colour, nor counts the cost;
No drop of dew, but its feeble ray
An atom cast in the pearly gray
Is shining there, unperceived, content,
A dim star set in earth's firmament.
My horse treads gently, and makes scarce sound,
His hoofs sink deep in the marshy ground,
Yet 'neath the touch of my curbing rein
I feel the youth in his veins complain,
He lifts his head, and his eager eyes
Gaze far away where the moorland lies,
He too is filled with a happiness
His dumb soul treasures but can't express,
And in that gladness of wind and sun
I know my beast and myself are one.
The way is lonely, no passer by
Disturbs the stillness, my horse and I
Possess the earth, and the rippling air
Divine elixir to banish care
Has brought new strength to my heart and mind,
And swept all sorrowful things behind.
Oh! Joy of living when youth is ours!
Oh! Earth my Mother, thy fragrant bowers
Could they be fairer if Angels trod
Beneath their trees at the will of God?
Could fabled Heaven e'er compensate
For one such day, when the year is late,
When skies are pale with the tears that bless
The soil, in falling for happiness?
And winds are fragrant with scent that flows
From out the bosom of some lone rose?
And brooks are drowsy with dusty gleams,
And languid thoughts of their winter dreams?
The fields are vital, and nude, and gray
With future promise of fruitful clay?
Ah! no, my being could not believe,
My heart desire, nor my soul conceive,
A world more perfect, more dear, more true,
Than this fair Eden I'm riding through.
BEFORE DAWN
Malvern
I rose, ere yet the eager light
Had wrested from the grasp of night
The trembling spirit of the world.
The dusk of dawn with wistful eyes
Stole timidly across the skies,
A little cloud its edges curled
By passing winds sped soft and bright
Towards some Eastern Paradise.
No bird was yet awake to sing,
And silence kissing everything
Compelled my doubting soul to rest.
While yet I slept a fall of snow
Had whitened all the hills, and lo!
Above the nearest summit's crest,
A pendent star, as though to bring
God's blessing to His Earth below,
Shone like a thought benign, and kind,
Within the vast Eternal Mind.
MY CASTLE
Ah! why have I built my Castle
On the shifting golden sand?
On the shores of the hungry ocean
Instead of the safe highland?
I ask myself, and I answer
These sands are the sands of youth,
And these waves are the surfs of passion
Of life,—and of death forsooth!
And I know in my heart I'd rather
Exist for but one short day
Where the breakers of life wash highest,
Love, live, and be swept away.
MALVERN
July 23rd, 1906
Across the hills a tender shadow stole,
Like thought upon the face of one loved well,
And thro' the silence rang some distant bell,
A vague sweet music in its every toll.
Glimmers of sunlight flecked with purple shade
Upon the nearer summits, and the view
Grown dim, unearthly, 'neath the silver-blue
Of incense mist, that rose while nature prayed.
Two stars with tremulous emotion shone
Close side by side, in the encircling dome,
While drifting clouds, their edges soft as foam,
Made couches, which the moon might rest upon.
In thro' the open window came the scent
Of lime trees, in the garden underneath,
And from my cigarette a little wreath
Of memories, to meet their fragrance went.
It was an evening full of bygone things,
That mingled with emotions newly born
As night will ever clasp and kiss the dawn,
And leave those kisses on her ardent wings.