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Title: All (Frightfully Unofficial) About an Old Friend of Mine
Author: Thomas C. Gash
Release date: November 18, 2011 [eBook #38050]
Language: English
Credits: Produced by Chris Curnow, Anna Whitehead, Diane Monico,
and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at
http://www.pgdp.net
*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ALL (FRIGHTFULLY UNOFFICIAL) ABOUT AN OLD FRIEND OF MINE ***
ALL
(Frightfully Unofficial)
about an OLD FRIEND of mine
What he most probably was
What he most certainly will be
AND WHO HAS DONE THIS?
WHY
THE CAT.
Dedicated to the Notice
OF ALL
The Firms of this Great City
whether
Bankers Brokers or others
WHO
In their Rise to Wealth and Affluence
have NOT yet
Recognised the "Generous Policy" That their
Success is always partly Due to the Honesty and
Energy of their
SERVANTS,
AND WHO
After taking to Themselves all the
HONEY in the HIVE
Leave to the
WORKERS
NOTHING
but the Lees.
"A good Master maketh a good Servant"
MARTIN TUPPER.
OF ALL
The Firms of this Great City
whether
Bankers Brokers or others
WHO
In their Rise to Wealth and Affluence
have NOT yet
Recognised the "Generous Policy" That their
Success is always partly Due to the Honesty and
Energy of their
SERVANTS,
AND WHO
After taking to Themselves all the
HONEY in the HIVE
Leave to the
WORKERS
NOTHING
but the Lees.
"A good Master maketh a good Servant"
MARTIN TUPPER.
ALL
(Frightfully Unofficial)
about an OLD FRIEND of mine
What he most probably was
What he most certainly will be
AND WHO HAS DONE THIS?
WHY
THE CAT.
(Frightfully Unofficial)
about an OLD FRIEND of mine
What he most probably was
What he most certainly will be
AND WHO HAS DONE THIS?
WHY
THE CAT.
What he most probably was,
before he became
before he became
A General-Private-Joint-Continental-Universal-Everlasting
Respectable-Responsible
BANKERS CLERK.
During his 1st year of Service
(Fancies he's got a "good thing")
BANKERS CLERK.
During his 1st year of Service
(Fancies he's got a "good thing")
At 10 years Service, he has his doubts.
This is the BC of 20 years Service—he—hasn't any doubts
now. Bless you! He knows all about it, and he's going home! To
his—Dinner!!!
HERE IT IS!
AND ought'nt he to be thankful
AND ought'nt he to be thankful
AT 40, 50, or 150 years Service, he wonders (ha! ha!) Why
his old heart may not be eased
BY A PENSION
that he and his can live upon, together with a handsome present of the remnant of his life
BY A PENSION
that he and his can live upon, together with a handsome present of the remnant of his life
But he is informed that if he will send in his
resignation first, It will be seen what can be done for him
Afterwards
"Is he quite worn out.? not another 6 months? dear me!
quite sure? Ah!"
Afterwards
"Is he quite worn out.? not another 6 months? dear me!
quite sure? Ah!"
This generous proposal does'nt satisfy our greedy old
friend, so he comes up to the scratch as usual
And he works all day, and he dreams all night
And he works all day, and he dreams all night
Once he dreamt (silly Old boy) he dreamt
He had an IDEA!!!
(of course it was only a dream.)
(of course it was only a dream.)
(His Dream)
Why not appeal to his Masters the DIRECTORS they can but say No. they are Gentlemen, and
they won't eat him
Why not appeal to his Masters the DIRECTORS they can but say No. they are Gentlemen, and
they won't eat him
(His Dream)
And of cours.—HOORAY!!!!
The DIRECTORS declare that their trusted servant SHOULD NOT be an exception to the Universal Rule, but that he had risen in value like everything else AND they further declare, they will not permit, the man whose labour increases with their success, to be left behind by the butcher, the Baker, or the Candlestick Maker.—NO not to put dividends into their own pockets,
OR ANY OTHER MANS
And of cours.—HOORAY!!!!
The DIRECTORS declare that their trusted servant SHOULD NOT be an exception to the Universal Rule, but that he had risen in value like everything else AND they further declare, they will not permit, the man whose labour increases with their success, to be left behind by the butcher, the Baker, or the Candlestick Maker.—NO not to put dividends into their own pockets,
OR ANY OTHER MANS
(still his dream.)
And Georgiana-Amelia looks more like the girl he took away from the old Rectory 20 years ago than he ever hoped to see again
Why she's getting FAT!, Sir FAT!
And Georgiana-Amelia looks more like the girl he took away from the old Rectory 20 years ago than he ever hoped to see again
Why she's getting FAT!, Sir FAT!
(but dreams)
And so is Tommy' Sir.
And so is Tommy' Sir.
(very happy dreams)
And Georgiana Amelia, Junior.
And Georgiana Amelia, Junior.
(Are very very seldom)
And so Goodbye, Sir Goodbye. No, we do not live at Poplar now—Why, yes, quite a change. Just so Good bye to you, Sir
Hem—WE ARE GOING TO CHURCH.
And so Goodbye, Sir Goodbye. No, we do not live at Poplar now—Why, yes, quite a change. Just so Good bye to you, Sir
Hem—WE ARE GOING TO CHURCH.
(REALIZED)
OH! Are you.—You're going to the City, Old Boy. WHAT!!! Give you more pay—Pooh. Think of the Honorable Confidence your Masters cannot help giving you—Think of that—Very Valuable, Eh.
Ah! I should think so, and you had better wake up those Shakey old legs of yours, or you'll be Under the Line
OH! Are you.—You're going to the City, Old Boy. WHAT!!! Give you more pay—Pooh. Think of the Honorable Confidence your Masters cannot help giving you—Think of that—Very Valuable, Eh.
Ah! I should think so, and you had better wake up those Shakey old legs of yours, or you'll be Under the Line
And one Morning
he is Under the Line
he is Under the Line
And THIS is the result of his lifes labour
EXTRAORDINARY COINCIDENCE
SOME BODY
ELSE
HAS BEEN DREAMING
OR
OUR MUTUAL FRIEND
BEING
The FINAL SCRATCHES of
THE CAT
WHO
After this will vanish
And like the baseless
fabrick of a dream
Leave not a wrack behind
SOME BODY
ELSE
HAS BEEN DREAMING
OR
OUR MUTUAL FRIEND
BEING
The FINAL SCRATCHES of
THE CAT
WHO
After this will vanish
And like the baseless
fabrick of a dream
Leave not a wrack behind
Having attended a Committee of the most exciting and
exhaustive nature "Somebody" indulges in the traditional "40 Winks".
But the Committee hasn't done with him yet—the "Winks"
are disturbed, and the Phantom of a defunct argument, that He settled
long ago, sits itself rudely on the table, in a Makeshifty sort of way
and insists upon having another "go in".
And so he thinks, He thinks! his income is too small; Why
it's Princely, said the "Shadowy party" whose own "pull" was about
£20,000 a year, He ought to make it do somehow, and if he don't like it
you can manage without him.
Now look here, let me show you an Article.
Now look here, let me show you an Article.
There!!!
Now I call this cheap.—There he is, Salary £40. and white choker not objected to. (for the matter of that he'll wear plush or—anything)——Come he's goodlooking. He'll work for you, respect you, as much as he does himself, be a credit to you, and finally, he's been in the Pawnbroking line, says he lives on Oatmeal Porridge—and comes from the North
(ED NOTE "Puss" who comes fra' the North hersel, is disgusted with the "Cad", and does'nt believe him.
Now I call this cheap.—There he is, Salary £40. and white choker not objected to. (for the matter of that he'll wear plush or—anything)——Come he's goodlooking. He'll work for you, respect you, as much as he does himself, be a credit to you, and finally, he's been in the Pawnbroking line, says he lives on Oatmeal Porridge—and comes from the North
(ED NOTE "Puss" who comes fra' the North hersel, is disgusted with the "Cad", and does'nt believe him.
His harmless Pursuits——
And his simple Tastes,——
Will render him at once the ornament and "Prop" of your
Establisment.—
And if in the ingenuous enthusiasm of his Generous
Nature, he should by chance "run short"; He's not the man to pester you
with Petitions. He has a soul above asking for Money.
Just so—,
Ha! Ha! laughed "Somebody", to "the" great danger of the
"Winks"; Of course, and we shouldn't dream of taking such a scamp. We,
Hem, have always drawn Our staff from a very different class, and why
shouldn't we always do so, We are quite satisfied with them, and our
Business, and our Profits are Increasing yearly.——Upon my word said
"Somebody" everything connected with "Our House" gives me unlimited
satisfaction.
And you are going to make the satisfaction just a leetle
Mutual; Sir, indeed we ought to thank you very much; Said a new and most
impertinent Essence, who appeared, somewhat prematurely, to have made up
his mind, and so settled the question out of hand.
What do you mean, Sir. We don't require your interference
said "Somebody" (who couldn't encourage that sort of thing). I see they
forgot the Doctor, and no doubt your Wife will go to church. Yes, that
sort of thing does cost something, and you couldn't very well stop her,
no, no. And I see you never spend any money for Conveyance, and you
never have any recreation, or change of air; nothing to help through the
dismal monotony of your 12 days holiday in November or February and you
can't even afford "8 hours at the Sea Side" for the Wife and little
ones. In fact you've no money. no comfort! no Pipe! no Glass! no music!
no Paper! no nothing.
Well!!! said "Somebody" you're an Extraordinary Man—but I don't believe you—Now I can understand this. You cannot afford any of these things, that is clear. But Human Nature is frail, and Alas! B.C.s are but Human. Come, Sir confess at least to some of these iniquities, and then—What is the consequence?
Well!!! said "Somebody" you're an Extraordinary Man—but I don't believe you—Now I can understand this. You cannot afford any of these things, that is clear. But Human Nature is frail, and Alas! B.C.s are but Human. Come, Sir confess at least to some of these iniquities, and then—What is the consequence?
Why 50 per cent of you get into debt, and you know it
Said "Somebody" do you think you can decieve me? Why its clear that if
you will really make out a list of The Butcher, The Baker, The Water
rate, The Poor Rate!! and the Income Tax (every penny—poor devil) and
all the other luxuries in which you indulge. Why both ends can't meet
Somebody Somebody, Esquire
Of course they wont. I've said so before. Give you my Vote and Interest? Do we wish to conduct our Business on the "Old Clo" principle, like a Firm of Jew Slopmakers? said "Somebody", getting Indignant, and dangerously red about the Face—NO! very well. Give you my Vote and Interest? I always have. Give them again?——(you know young man, this is all very unofficial—well then) Yes.—I Will
Of course they wont. I've said so before. Give you my Vote and Interest? Do we wish to conduct our Business on the "Old Clo" principle, like a Firm of Jew Slopmakers? said "Somebody", getting Indignant, and dangerously red about the Face—NO! very well. Give you my Vote and Interest? I always have. Give them again?——(you know young man, this is all very unofficial—well then) Yes.—I Will
And "Somebody" said "I will" so loudly that he woke
himself up.
And "Somebody" who was "Somebody" (may his shadow never
be less) did give his Vote and Interest.
And the result, some of it is in my Pocket (long may it stop there) the Result is, that Our House is up to any Amount of Work and will undertake to beat the Cheap Jacks into Fits
Let us hope the example of "our little Shop" will be catching
Now then ALLTOGETHER
AND SO SAY ALL OF US
AND SO SAY ALL OF US
FOR HE IS A JOLLY GOOD
SOMEBODY COMING
See him do it!
Puss in taking leave of his Friends Congratulates them on the Fact that they know who is OUR "MUTUAL FRIEND" (and it isn't everyone can say that). In conclusion it is to be hoped that "Nobody" will be the only person so unfeline as to dream of
"PUTTING A STOPPER ON THE CAT'S MEAT"
And the result, some of it is in my Pocket (long may it stop there) the Result is, that Our House is up to any Amount of Work and will undertake to beat the Cheap Jacks into Fits
Let us hope the example of "our little Shop" will be catching
Now then ALLTOGETHER
AND SO SAY ALL OF US
AND SO SAY ALL OF US
FOR HE IS A JOLLY GOOD
SOMEBODY COMING
See him do it!
Puss in taking leave of his Friends Congratulates them on the Fact that they know who is OUR "MUTUAL FRIEND" (and it isn't everyone can say that). In conclusion it is to be hoped that "Nobody" will be the only person so unfeline as to dream of
"PUTTING A STOPPER ON THE CAT'S MEAT"
Transcriber's Notes
Retained the spelling and punctuation anomalies of the original.
Retained the handwritten text in the illustrations for its artistic
and expressive qualities.