“Don’t Stop, Old Chap,
Keep It Up!”
“CHEER up, Willie, the worst is yet to come. Don’t view me with alarm and suspicion. Don’t avert your eyes from my smile. It may be sardonic, but I cannot control my facial expression. I must look as I think. I am not like you, Wilhelm, looking God and thinking devil. Oh, but you are a cute one, friend of mine! I love you for a thousand things you have done, but don’t fool yourself, friend of my heart,—I beg pardon, I forgot, I have no heart. In that and some other aspects, Willie, we are as alike as two peas in a pod. Willie, we are so close in our method of working that I am going to give you permission to call me ‘Du’ hereafter.
“How in the world could or can you, for all these years, make the German people believe that the firm name of their Empire is ‘Me and God.’ You and I know that God withdrew His Name, His Goodness, His Honor and His Capital from the firm when you signed up as Emperor. God is a one-price God. God never adulterates His goods; God never advertises one quality and sells another. Since you have been Kaiser, Wilhelm, a multitude of firm names could be exhibited on the sign board; none of them, I imagine would rate high with Bradstreet, but they would be truthful. ‘Me and Ambition,’ ‘Me and Power,’ ‘Me and Ruin’ are a few I would suggest. Of course, your people would have shunned you just as a mother shuns a house with a Board of Health sign on it, had you given the real name of the firm. You are the most worried looking potentate I have ever met, Wilhelm. Yes, Wilhelm, there will be Hell to pay when your people awake to the fact that you have no partnership with God, but are simply a vassal of mine. I’d be scared out of my wits if I were in your place. While you are thinking of the horrible mess you have made of your manifold opportunities be good enough to note a deadly parallel. Once I was a prince, a prince in a vast and beautiful Empire where all was tranquillity, peace, holiness and bliss. I was called Lucifer, Son of the Morning—I had an all-absorbing ambition to rule or ruin. I revolted and seduced some restless spirits to ally themselves with me, fellows like your von Tirpitz. I rebelled against the King and Kingdom of Heaven. The King of Heaven still reigns and the Kingdom of Heaven still retains all its tranquillity and beauty. After the row was over I found myself in Chaos. From there I was rushed to Pandemonium, and it is needless to tell you that I am now in Hell—and it lives up to its name. Note the deadly parallel, Wilhelm, and while you are getting it into your noddle, I will whistle the music of our national Hymn of Hate so you can memorize it. Try it on your piano. The words are—
“‘Strafe Hope. Strafe Manhood. Strafe Womanhood. Strafe Everything
But
ME.’”
JOHN PHILIP SOUSA.