Shall show'r upon you,
Of all men breathing; [Exeunt Physitian, Chirur.
Wherefore do you arrive here? Are you mad?
My injury begins to bleed afresh
At sight of you; why this affront of yours
I receive more malitious than the other.
Your hurt was only danger to my son:
But your sight to me is death; Why come you hither?
Do you come to view the wounds, which you have made?
And glory in them?
Least part of a Courtier, and understand
By your smooth Oyl,
Your present flattery.
To be born a Gentleman, no slave; I ever
Held flatterers of that breed; do not misconstrue
In your distaste of me, the true intent
Of my coming hither, for I do protest
I do not come to tell you I am sorry
For your sons hurt.
But I must not lose my honesty; 'twas he
Gave heat unto the injury, which return'd
(Like a Petar, ill lighted, into 'th' bosome
Of him, gave fire to't) yet I hope his hurt,
Is not so dangerous, but he may recover;
When if it please him, call me to account,
For the loss of so much blood, I shall be ready
To do him noble reason.
For I bring penitence, and satisfaction.
You were not sorry for his wounds.
You are a Gentleman ne'er injur'd me;
One ever lov'd my Father, the right way,
And most approv'd of noble amity.
Yet I have run my sword quite through your heart,
And slightly hurt your son; for't may be [f]ear'd,
A grief ta'en at these years for your sons loss,
May hazard yours: And therefore I am sent
By him that has most interest in your sorrow;
Who having chid me almost to the ruin
Of a disheritance, for violating
So continued and so sacred a friendship
Of 50 Winters standing: such a friendship,
That ever did continue like the spring;
Ne'er saw the fall o'th' leaf; by him I am sent
To say the wrong I have done Sir, is to you:
And that I have quite lost him for a Father,
Until I find your pardon; nay there follows
A weightier deprivation; his Estate
I could with a less number of sighs part with.
Fortune might attend my youth, and my deservings
In any Climate: but a Fathers blessing,
To settle and confirm that fortune, no where;
But only here. Your pardon, give me that;
And when you have done, kill me; for 'tis that
Takes from me the effect of excommunication;
A Fathers heavy curse.
Light on himself, for sending thee in this minute:
When I am grown as deaf to all compassion,
As the cruellest Sea-fight, or most horrid tempest.
That I had drown'd i'th' Sea a thousand duckets,
Thou hadst not made this visit: rash young man,
Thou tak'st me in an ill Planet, and hast cause
To curse thy Father; for I do protest,
If I had met thee in any part o'th' World,
But under my own roofe, I would have kill'd thee.
Within there.—Enter Physitian, Chirurgion, and Servants.
Here's a triumph sent for the death of your young Master.
By my life, I vow to take assurance from you,
That right hand never more shall strike my son.
Bind him, and cut off's right hand presently:
Fair words shall never satisfie foul deeds.
Chop's hand off.
And recall your bloody purpose.
And I do curse thy Father heartily,
That's the cause of my dishonor; sending thee
In such an hour, when I am apt for mischief:
Apt, as a Dutchman after a Sea-fight,
When his enemy kneels afore him; come dispatch.
Whatsoever he dares do, that I dare suffer.
Enter Cæsario, and Chirurgion.
For if you do proceed thus cruelly,
There is no question in the wound you give him,
I shall bleed to death for't.
With all speed expects you. You must instantly
Ship all your followers, and to sea.
Take away his use of fighting; as thou hop'st
To be accounted for my son, perform't.— [Exit.
Only this ring, this best esteem'd Jewel:
I will not give't to'th' hangman chops it off;
It is too dear a relique. I'll remove it nearer my heart.
The Ring I injoyn'd her never part withal
Without my knowledge; come, Sir, we are friends
Pardon my fathers heat, and melancholy;
Two violent Fevers which he caught at Sea,
And cannot yet shake off: only one promise
I must injoyn you to, and seriously.
Hereafter you shall never draw a Sword
To the prejudice of my life.
On that condition.
Ever fight on your part.
But for performance of your vow, I intreat
Some gage from you.
If you knew the vertue of it, never more
To draw my sword against you.
I that by violence could take your hand,
Can inforce this from you; this is a token Sir,
That we may prove friends hereafter. Fare you well.
I have for the present ta'en away his
Use of fighting.
Than take that which your Father meant. [Exeunt Manet, Mentivole.
Dearer than life, Whither is honor fled?
Cesario. Thou art unmanly in each part,
To seize my sword first, and then split my heart. [Exit.
Enter Host, and Clown.
Is a rare man of art, they say he's a Witch.
Clow. A Witch? Nay, he's one step of the Ladder to preferment higher, he is a Conjurer.
Host. Is that his higher title?
Clow. Yes, I assure you, for a Conjurer is the Devils Master, and commands him; whereas a Witch is the Devils Prentice, and obeys him.
Host. Bound Prentice to the Devil!
Clow. Bound and inroll'd I assure you, he cannot start; and therefore I would never wish any Gentleman to turn Witch.
Host. Why Man?
Clow. Oh he loses his Gentility by it, the Devil in this case cannot help him, he must go to the Herald for new Armes believe it.
I'll ne'er turn Witch for that trick;
And thou hast been a great Traveller?
Clow. No indeed, not I Sir.
Host. Come, you are modest.
Clow. No, I am not modest, for I told you a lye, that you might the better understand I have been a Traveller.
Host. So Sir, they say your Master is a great Physitian too.
Clow. He was no fool told you that, I assure you.
Ladies in England take a great deal of Physick.
Clow. Both wayes on my reputation.
But they say, Ladies there take Physick for fashion.
Clow. Yes Sir, and many times dye to keep fashion.
Host. How? dye to keep fashion!
Clow. Yes, I have known a Lady sick of the small Pocks, onely to keep her face from Pitholes, take cold, strike them in again, kick up the heels, and vanish.
Host. There was kicking up the heels with a witness.
Clow. No Sir; I confess a good face has many times been the motive to the kicking up of the heels with a witn[e]ss: but this was not.
Enter Hostess, and Bianca.
Host. Here comes my wife and daughter.
Clow. You have a prety commodity of this night-worm?
Host. Why Man?
Clow. She is a pretty lure to draw custom to your ordinary.
Host. Do'st think I keep her to that purpose?
Clow. When a Dove-house is empty, there is cuminseed used to purloine from the rest of the neighbors; in England you have several Adamants, to draw in spurs and rapiers; one keeps silk-worms in a Gallery: A Milliner has choice of Monkies, and Paraketoes; another shewes bawdy East-Indian Pictures, worse than ever were Aretines: a Goldsmith keeps his Wife wedged into his shop like a Mermaid, nothing of her to be seen (thats Woman) but her upper part.
Host. Nothing but her upper part?
Clow. Nothing but her upper bodies, and he lives at the more hearts ease.
Host. What's the reason?
Clow. Because her nether part can give no temptation; by your leave, Sir, I'll tend my Master, and instantly be with you for a cup of Cherally this hot weather.
When was Cesario here?
He comes by Owl-light, both the time and manner
Is suspitious; I do not like it.
Is every way so noble, that you need not
Question his intent of coming, though you did;
Pray Sir preserve that good opinion of me,
That though the custome of the place I was born in,
Makes me familiar to every guest,
I shall in all things keep my self a stranger
To the vices they bring with them.
She has the right strain of her Mother.
And I would speak, I know from whence she took it;
When I was as young, I was as honest.
And study to be drunk; and abuse your guests over and over.
Enter Forobosco, and Clown.
And the rest o'th' complements o'th' house.
It waites only the tide of your stomach.
Ere you go to bed, fail not of that I pray. [—Exeunt all but Forobosco, and Clown.
Now we are all fellows.
Nine a Clock, and no Clyents come
Yet, sure thou do'st not set up bills enough.
Recovery of stoln goods,
And a thousand such impossibilities.
the Lawyers complain of it? Men have as much Malice as
ever they had to wrangle, but they have no Mony: Whither
should this Mony be travell'd?
Clow. 'Tis with his Cofferer I am certain, that's the Usurer.
Foro. Our cheating does not prosper so well as it was wont to do.
Clow. No sure, why in England we coo'd cozen 'em as familiarly, as if we had travell'd with a Brief, or a Lottery.
Foro. I'th' Low-countries we did pretty well.
Clow. So so: as long as we kept the Mop-headed butter-boxes sober; marry when they were drunk, then they grew buzards: You should have them reel their heads together, and deliberate; your Dutchman indeed, when he is foxt, is like a Fox; for when he's sunk in drink, quite earth to a Mans thinking, 'tis full Exchange time with him, then he's subtlest; but your Switzer, 'twas nothing to cheat him.
Foro. Nothing?
Clow. No, nor conscience to be made of it; for since nature afore-hand cozen'd him of his wit, 'twas the less sin for us to cozen him of his Mony.
Foro. But these Italians are more nimble-pated, we must have some new trick for them; I protest but that our Hostess's daughter is a sweet Lass, and draws great resort to'th' house, we were as good draw teeth a horseback.
Clow. I told 'em in the Market-place you could conjure, and no body would believe me: but ere long I will make 'em believe you can conjure with such a figuary.
Foro. What language shall's conjure in? high Dutch I think, that's full i'th' mouth.
Clow. No, no, Spanish, that roars best; and will appear more dreadful.
Foro. Prethee tell me thy conceit thou hast to gull them.
Clow. No, no, I will not stael it; but my dear Jews-trump, for thou art but my instrument, I am the plotter, and when we have cozen'd 'em most titely, thou shalt steal away the Inn-keepers daughter, I'll provide my self of another moveable: and we will most purely retire our selves to Geneva.
Foro. Thou art the compass I sail by.
Enter Baptista and Mentivole.
A requital answered with such contumely!
A wild Numidian that had suck'd a Tigress,
Would not have been so barbarous; Did he threat
To cut thy hand off?
I wish thou wert not of his blood; thy pitty
Gives me a hope thou art not.
The injury that followed from the son,
Was worse than the fathers; he did first disarme
And took from me a Jewel, which I prize
Above my hand or life.
He stole it like a Thief rather, he could not
I'th' Field deprive thee of it.
And sent me forth so thin, and so unmade up,
As if I had been a Foot-boy.
I must now ask thee forgiveness, that my rashness,
Bred out of too much friendship, did expose thee
To so eminent a danger; which I vow
I will revenge on the whole Family:
All the calamities of my whole life,
My banishment from Genoa, my wifes loss
Compar'd to this indignity, is nothing;
Their Family shall repair't; it shall be to them
Like a plague, when the Dog-star reigns most hot:
An Italian's revenge may pause, but's ne'er forgot. [Exit.
For my interest in Clarissa; my care now
Must be to untangle this division,
That our most equal flames may be united;
And from these various and perturbed streames,
Rise, like a sweet Morn, after terrible dreams.— [Exit.
Enter Clarissa and Cæsario.
But I miss a toy should be on your finger.
I put it off, 'tis in my Window.
I'll grave my name in't.
Would you not have your brother in your eye?
Look you, the Diamond cuts quaintly, you are cozen'd,
Your Chrystal is too britle.
I gave unto Mentivole, sure the same.
You put me to amazement Sir, and horror;
How came you by that Ring?
And take from me a trembling at the heart,
That else will kill me: for I too much fear
Nothing but Death could ravish it from his hand
That wore it.
And then I'll tell you any thing.
In better health than I am.
Hast thou a Faith to give unto a friend,
And break it to a brother? Did I not,
By all the tyes of blood importune thee
Never to part with it without my knowledge?
Thou might'st have given it to a Muliter,
And made a contrail with him in a stable,
At as cheap a price of my vengeance: never more
Shall a Womans trust beguile me; You are all
Like Relicks: you may well be look't upon,
But come a Man to'th' handling of you once,
You fall in pieces.
Look't either beneath reason, or my self,
In my election; there's parity in our blood,
And in our fortunes, antient amity
Betwixt our parents: to which wants nothing,
But the Fruit of blest Marriage between us,
To add to their posterities: nor does now
Any impeachment rise, except the sad
And unexpected quarrel, which divided
So noble, and so excellent a friendship,
Which as I ne'er had Magick to foresee,
So I could not prevent.
To have a hand in your disposing, I shall,
In the absence of my Father, be your Guardian;
His Suit must pass through my office. Mentivole,
He has too much of my blood already; he has,
And he get's no more of't—
Wherefore weep you Mother?
Enter Mariana, and a Sailor.
Wherein you have a Child's part, and the mainest,
Your Father's dead.
Most unfortunately drown'd.
Calm as this evening; the Gunner being drunk,
Forgot to fasten the Ordnance to their ports,
When came a sudden gust, which tumbled them
All to the Starboord side, o'erturn'd the Ship,
And sunk her in a moment, some six men
That were upon the deck were sav'd: the rest
Perish'd with your Father.
Are grown to faction, and upon distast
Of the injury late offer'd in my house,
Have vow'd a most severe, and fell revenge
'Gainst all our family, but especially
'Gainst you my dear Cæsario.
Of so easie an estimation? What comfort
Have I but in your life, and your late danger
Presents afore me what I am to suffer,
Should you miscarry; therefore I'll advise you
When the Funeral is over, you would travel,
Both to prevent their fury, and wear out th' injury.
So in my absence he may marry my Sister,
I will not travel certain.
Whom I respect and love 'bove my own life,
Indeed with a kind of dotage, he shall never
Go forth o' doors, but the contrary faction
Will indanger's life, and then am I most wretched.
I am thinking of a strange prevention,
Which I shall witness with a bleeding eye,
Fondness sometimes is worse than cruelty.— [Exeunt.
Actus Tertius. Scæna Prima.
Enter Host, Hostess, and Bianca.
Host.
Haunted, my house is haunted with goblins. I
shall be frighted out of my wits, and set up a
sign only to invite Carriers and Foot-posts; scar-crows to keep
off the Cavalry, and Gentry of the best rank. I will nail up
my doors, and wall up my Girle (wife) like an Anchoress; or
she will be ravisht before our faces, by rascalls and cacafugo's
(wife) cacafugo's.
Hostess. These are your In-comes, remember your own proverb, the savor of every gain smelt sweet; thank no body but your self for this trouble.
Host. No gauling (dear Spouse) no gauling, every days new vexation abates me two inches in the waste, terrible pennance for an Host, Girle, girle, girle, Which of all this gally-maufry of Mans flesh appears tolerable to thy choice; speak shortly, and speak truely: I must and will know, must and will; Hear ye that?
I am so far from entertaining thoughts
Of liberty, that much more excellent objects
Than any of such course contents as these are,
Could not betray mine eye to force my heart;
Conceive a wish of any dearer happiness
Than your direction warrant's. I am yours Sir.
Hostess. What thinks the Man now? Is not this strange at 13.
Host. Very good words, there's a tang in e'm, and a sweet one, 'tis musick (wife) and now I come t'ee. Let us a little examine the several conditions of our Paragraphistical suitors. The first, a travelling Tailor, who by the mystery of his Needle and Thimble, hath survey'd the fashions of the French, and English; this Signior Ginger-bread, stitcht up in the shreds of a g[a]udy outside, sows Linings with his cross-leg'd complement, like an Ape doing tricks over a staffe, cringes, and crouches, and kisses his forefinger.
Hostess. Out upon him.
Host. A second, a lavolteteere, a saltatory, a dancer with a Kit at his Bum, one that, by teaching great Madonnas to foot it, has miraculously purchast a ribanded Wastcote, and four clean pair of socks; a fellow that skips as he walkes, and instead of sensible discourse, vents the curious conceit of some new tune stolen from a Mask, or a bawdy dittie, elevated for the Pole Artick of a Ladies chamber, in that file stands another of your inamoratoes.
Hostess. Hang him and his Fiddle together, he never fidles any child of ours.
Host. The third, a Mongrel, got by a Switzer on an Italian; this puppy, being left well estated, comes to Florence, that the world may take notice, how impossible it is for experience to alter the course of nature; a fool (wife) and indeed, a Clown turn'd Gallant, seldom or never proves other than a gallant fool, this toy prates to little purpose other than What's a Clock? Shall's go drink? De'e forsooth? and thank ye heartily; I fear no art in him to catch thee, and yet we must be tormented with this buzard amongst the rest.
Hostess. 'Tis your own folly, forbid him the House.
Host. The fourth, a Mule-driver, a stubborn and a harsh knave: the fifth a School-Master, a very amorous Pedant, run almost mad with study of Sonnets, and Complements out of old Play-ends, the last an Advocates Clerk, that speaks pure Fustian in Law-terms: excellent Courtiers all, and all as neate as a Magnifio's post new painted, at his entrance to an office; thou shalt have none of 'em. Laugh at 'em, do. I say thou shalt have none of 'em.
Bian. Still your command to me shall stand a Law.
Host. Now they throng like so many horse-coursers at a fair, in clusters about the Man of Art, for Love-powders, ingredients, potions, counsels, postures, complements, philters: the Devil and the—How now? Tumults? Batteries, Noise? ha, get from my sight. [Clown cries within.
Enter Forobosco, and Clown, his head bloody.
Thou un[l]ickt Bear, dar'st thou yet stand my fury,
My generous rage? yet! by the sulpherous damps
That feed the hungry and incessant darkness,
Which curles around the grim Alastors back,
Mutter again, and with one powerful word,
I'll call an Host up from the Stygian Lakes,
Shall waft thee to the Acherontick fens;
Where choak't with Mists as black as thy impostures,
Thou shalt live still a dying.
Hell upon earth already, and you had any mercy, you would
not practice upon a kind heart thus.
offence unpardonable?
A drowsie grossness, in all Christian Kingdoms,
The mention of my art, my name, my practise,
Merit and Glory hath begot at once
Delight and wonder; I'll not be entreated;
Spare intercession for him,——O thou scorn
Of learning, shame of duty; must thy sloth
Draw my just fame in question? I discharge thee
From my service; see me no more henceforth.
I'll not be so answer'd.
Thou hast thy life, be gone.
Clow. Vengeance, sweet vengeance.
Foro. De'e mumble?
Clow. I'll be reveng'd, monstrously, suddenly, and insatiably; my bulk begins to swell.
Foro. Homotolenton, Pragmatophoros, Heliostycorax.
Clo. Call up your Spirits, I defie 'em; well, I'll have Law for my broken pate, twelve ounces of pure blood; Troy-weight. In despight of thee my Master, and thy Master the grand Devil himself, vindicta, vindicta.—[Exit.
Host. Signior, you are exceeding mov'd.
Hostess. Mercy upon us, What terrible words thou talk'st?
Young Virgin, 'twere an injury to sweetness:
Should any rough sound draw from your cheeks,
The pretious tincture which makes nature proud
Of her own workmanship.
Fair one, mine Host and Hostess, with your leaves
I have a motion joyntly to you all.
And half of suitors, that attend to usher
Their Loves sir-reverence to your daughter, wait
With one consent, which can best please her eye;
In offering at a Dance, I have provided
Musick. And, 'twill be something I dare promise
Worthy your laughter, Shall they have admittance?
Ridiculous, that it will confirm the assurance of their
Miserable fooleries, but no longer trouble with 'em here,
Than they are in these May-games.
How they prepar'd themselves? how they stroak up
Their foretops, how they justle for the Looking-glass,
To set their faces by it; [See they Muster.
You would look for some most impossible antick.
Enter Tailor, Dancer, Mule-driver, School-Master, Clark: (all with several papers, and present 'em to Forobosco.)
Host. So, so, so, so, here flutter the nest of Hornets, the hotch-potch of rascallity; now, now, now, now, the dung-hill of corruption hath yawn'd forth the burthen of abhomination. I am vext, vext to the soul, will rid my house of this unchristen'd fry, and never open my doors again.
But have preferred your suits, here shew your cunning.
First, every one in order do his honor
To the fair mark you shoot at; courtly, courtly,
Convey your several loves in lively measure:
Come, let us take our seates, some sprightly Musick.
Enter Cæsario, They all make ridiculous conges to Bianca: rank themselves, and dance in several postures: during the dance, Enter Cæsario, and stands off.
One lusty rouse of Wine, and take leave on all sides.
This Gold, and drink as freely as you danc'd.
Host. My noble Lord Cesario, clear the rooms Sirs.
Foro. Away. Attend your answers. [—Exeunt Foro, and those that danc'd.
Cesar. With your favor Rolando, I would change a word or two with your fair daughter.
Host. At your Lordships pleasure, come Wife, no muttering, have a care Girle, my love, service, and duty to your good Lordship. [—Exeunt and Wife.
But constantly inform thy judgment, wherein
Thy happiness consists, for to steal minutes
From great imployments, to converse with beauty,
Lodg'd in so mean a fortune, to lay by
Consideration of the unequal distance
Between my blood and thine, to shun occasions
Of courtship with the Ladies of the time:
Noble, and fair, only for love to thee,
Must of necessity invite a tenderness;
As low as nature could have stampt a Bondwomans.
To entertain quick motions of rare gratitude
For my uncommon favors.
I freely thank your curtesies.
How I may give them back again; in truth
I never yet receiv'd a pair of Gloves:
A trifling Ring from any that expected
An equall satisfaction, but as willingly
I parted with the guift unto the owner, as he bestow'd it.
Such plenties, as it lies not in the ability
Of thy whole kindred, to return proportionable
One for a thousand.
For my instruction, to ingage a debt
Beyond a possibility of paiment,
I ever thought a sin; and therefore justly
Without conceit of scorn, or curious rudeness,
I must refuse your bounty.
That carries honest sence?
In so sweet-shap't a building: love, Bianca,
Is that firm knot which ties two hearts in one:
Shall ours be tied so?
My Lord. In stead of tyes, say marries hearts,
Then I may understand.
Whose enterchange of pleasures, and embraces,
Soft kisses, and the privacies of sweets,
Keeps constant league together, when temptation
Of great mens oathes and gifts, shall urge contempt,
Rather than batter resolution, novelty
Of sights, or taste of new delights in wantonness,
Breeds surfeit more than appetite in any
Reserv'd to noble vowes; my excellent Maid,
Live thou but true to me, and my contents,
Mine only, that no partner may partake
The treasure of those sweets thy youth yet glories in,
And I will raise thy lowness to abundance
Of all varieties, and more triumph
In such a Mistris, than great Princes doating
On truth-betraying Wives.
The cottage of my virtue, to be swallow'd
By some hard-neighbouring Landlord, such as you are,
Is in effect to love, a Lord so vicious!
O where shall innocence find some poor dwelling,
Free from temptations tyranny.
Change of unseemly sights; with base discourse,
Draw curses on your Pallaces; for my part,
This I will be confirm'd in, I will eate
The bread of labour, know no other rest
Than what is earn'd from honest pains, ere once more
Lend ear to your vile toyles; Sir, would you were
As noble in desires, as I could be in knowing virtue.
Pray do not afflict a poor soul thus.
Enter a Gentleman.