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Beaver: An Alphabet of Typical Specimens / Together with Notes and a Terminal Essay on the Manners and Customs of Beavering Men cover

Beaver: An Alphabet of Typical Specimens / Together with Notes and a Terminal Essay on the Manners and Customs of Beavering Men

Chapter 13: L. IS A LICKED-BEAVER.
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About This Book

The work presents a comedic, alphabetized catalogue of facial-hair types, providing playful descriptions, idiosyncratic scoring rules for a fanciful sport of beard-spotting, and regional and stylistic variations; entries combine mock-naturalist observation, historical and literary allusion, and advice on claiming points. A closing essay discusses the manners, customs, and social rituals associated with bearding and the pastime's etiquette.

L.
IS A LICKED-BEAVER.

It is worthy of remark in passing that this distinguishing title is due to the genius of a child—“trailing clouds,” etc.—who, on observing the first specimen ever scored, cried, “Oh, look; he’s licked it.”

The species is very rare. Off-shoots of the old stock, in the form of Semi-Walruses, are occasionally observed, but the Licked-Beaver is generally regarded as almost extinct. Possibly the cause of this diminution, if not extinction, may be the increase in the cost of living.

The specimen mounted is a very fine one. Should a player have the good fortune to score a Licked-Beaver, let him remember that it is the density of the licking, the spear-form, the sharpness, that should be regarded rather than the length of the portion licked.