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Bottoms Up: An Application of the Slapstick to Satire

Chapter 4: OXO-CRYSALENE
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About This Book

A lively assortment of satirical pieces that deploy slapstick, parody and critical wit against theatrical clichés and social pretensions. The book combines short comic dramas, lampooning sketches, mock practical guides and playful glossaries with essays and vignette-style scenes, shifting between stagewise set-pieces and faux-instructional formats. Through exaggerated situations, ironic commentary and burlesque forms it skewers popular tastes and received manners while showcasing a brisk, conversational comic voice that favors deflation and farce over earnest moralizing.

“CONTINUED IN ADVERTISING SECTION, PAGE 290”

OR
MAGAZINE FICTION À LA MODE

[Page 290

Unable to contain himself longer, although he realized the vast futility of it all, Massington seized her in his arms and buried her lovely eyes and hair in the storm of a thousand kisses.

“You love me, Lolo—tell me you love me!” he choked.

“No! no!” she cried, struggling from his clasp with an adorable coquetry. “No, it must not be.”

Massington, for the moment, found himself unable to speak. Then, “Why?” he asked simply, softly.

“Because,” the girl replied, with a cunning moué—“because

[Page 291

In the finest homes and at the best-appointed tables CAMPBELL’S TOMATO SOUP is recognized as a dinner course of faultless quality and suited to the most important occasions.

[Page 292

I don’t yet know my own mind,” she finished.

Massington moved toward her. The amber glow of a small table lamp lighted up the bronze glory of Lolo’s tumbled tresses. And her eyes were as twin Chopin nocturnes dreaming out the melody of a far-off, unattainable love.

He paused before daring to lift his voice against the wonderful silence that, like midnight on southern Pacific seas, hung over her.

Presently, “When you do decide, what then?” he ventured.

“When I do decide,” she told him, “it will be forever. But ere I give you my answer, ere we take the step that must mean so much in our lives, we must both be strong enough to remember that

[Page 293

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[Page 294

Society demands certain conventions that dare not be intruded upon.” Lolo toyed with some roses on the table at her side—roses he had sent her that same afternoon.

“But, darling,” breathed Massington, “what are mere conventions for us two now?”

Lolo tore at one of the roses with her teeth. “Oh!” she exclaimed, flinging out her arm wildly toward the ugly green wall-paper of her room that symbolized everything she so hated—“Oh, I know—I know! I do not want to think of them, but I—but we—must, Jason sweetheart, we must! And life so all-wondrous, beating vainly against their iron bars and looking beyond them into paradise. We must think of them,”—a little sob crept from her throat,—“we must think of them!”

“Let us think, rather,” said Massington, “of that other world in which we might live, to which, Lolo dear, we might go, and, once there, be away from every one, all alone, we two—just you and I. Let us think of Spain, shimmering like some great topaz under the tropic sun; of the Pyrenees that, purpled against the evening heavens, watch over the peaceful valleys of Santo Dalmerigo; of the drowsy noons and silver moons of Italy; let us think, loved one, of the rippling Mediterranean and of

[Page 295

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[Page 296

France singing like a thousand violins under summer skies.”

Lolo did not answer.

Massington waited. “Well?” he asked.

(To be continued in the next number.)