They stumble who run fast!”
A resort to extremes is always to be deprecated, and many sensible men hold the total abstainer in contempt, unless he abstain simply and solely because a moderate use of “beer and baccy” makes him ill; and this man is indeed a rarity. The teetotaller is either a creature with no will-power in his composition, a Pharisee, who thanks Providence that he is not as other men, or a lunatic. There can be no special virtue in “swearing off” good food and good liquor; whether for the sake of example, or for the sake of ascending a special pinnacle and posing to the world as the incarnation of perfection and holiness. In the parable, the Publican was “justified” rather than the Pharisee, because the former had the more common sense, and knew that if he set up as immaculate and without guile he was deceiving himself and nobody else. But here on earth, in the nineteenth century, the Publican stands a very poor chance with the Pharisee, whether the last-named assume the garb of “Social Purity,” or “Vigilance,” or the sombre raiment of the policeman. This is not right. This is altogether wrong. The total abstainer, the rabid jackass who denies himself—or claims that he does so—the juice of the grape, and drinks the horrible, flatulent, concoctions known as “temperance beverages,” is just as great a sinner against common sense as that rabid jackass the habitual glutton, or drunkard, who, in abusing the good things of life—the gifts which are given us to enjoy—is putting together a rod of rattlesnakes for his own back.
There is nothing picturesque about drunkenness; and there is still less of manliness therein. There is plenty of excuse for the careless, happy-go-lucky, casual over-estimater, who revels, on festive occasions, with his boon companions. ’Tis a poor heart that never rejoices; and wedding-feasts, celebrations of famous victories, birthday parties, and Christmas festivities have been, and will continue to be, held by high and low, from the earliest times. But there is no excuse, but only pity and disgust, for the sot who sits and soaks—or, worse still, stands and soaks—in the tavern day after day, and carries the brandy-bottle to bed with him. I have lived through two-thirds of the years allotted to man, and have never yet met the man who has done himself, or anybody else, any good by eating or drinking to excess. Nor is the man who has benefited himself, or society, through scorning and vilifying good cheer, a familiar sight in our midst. “Keep in the middle of the road,” is the rule to be observed; and there is no earthly reason why the man who may have applied “hot and rebellious liquors” to his blood, as a youth, should not enjoy that “lusty winter” of old age, “frosty but kindly,” provided those warm and warlike liquors have been applied in moderation.
I will conclude this sermon with part of a verse of the poet Dryden’s imitation of the twenty-ninth Ode of Horace, though its heathen carpe diem sentiments should be qualified by a special caution as to the possible ill effects of bidding too fierce a defiance to the “reaction day.”
He who can call to-day his own;
He who, secure within, can say;—
To-morrow, do thy worst, I’ve liv’d to-day!”
INDEX
“Ala,” the fairy, 68
“Albion,” the, 77
Alexander Dumas, 80
Allowable breakfast-dishes, 14
Almanach des Gourmands, 79, 184
Anchovy toast, 267
Angel’s pie, 55
Apium, the, 129
Apricot brandy, 229
Artichoke, the, 130
Jerusalem, 131
Ascot luncheon, 54
Asparagus, 124
with eggs, 17
Aspic, 176
Athole brose, 241
Baksheesh, 100
Ball suppers, 175
Banquet, a vegetarian, 132
“Beano,” a, 121
Beans, 119
“Borston,” 120
Beef, “can’t eat,” 96
Bernardin salmi, a, 92
Birch’s, 37
Bischoff, 211
Biscuit, a devilled, 269
Bishop, 212
Bisque, 89
Bitters, 229
Blackmore, R. D., 247
Blue blazer, 243
Bombay duck, a, 146
Bones, grilled, 189
Bosom caresser, a, 239
Bouillabaisse, 88
Bovril, 271
Braddon, Miss, 247
Brandy, apricot, 229
cherry, 227
ginger, 230
orange, 230
sour, 243
Brazil relish, 265
Breakfast, allowable dishes at, 14
French, 27
Indian, 31
Mediterranean, 26
with “my tutor,” 32
Brillat Savarin, 106
Brinjal, the, 131
Broth, Scotch, 52
Buckmaster, 77
Bull’s milk, 240
Burmah, food in, 203
Burns, John, 234
Cabbage, the, 115
Calcutta jumble, 16
“Cannie Carle,” 189
Canvass-back duck, a, 95
Carlton House Terrace, 91
Carlyle, Thomas, 246
Carrot, the, 121
Cassis, 244
Cauliflower, the, 115
Cedric the Saxon, 66
Celery, 129
sauce, 164
Champagne and stout, 225
Charles Dickens, 52, 248
Chateaûbriand, a, 70
Chef, Indian, 135
“Cheshire Cheese,” the, 39
pudding, 39
Chinaman’s meal, a, 91
Chops, 50
Chota Hazri, 29
Choufleur aû gratin, 116
Chowringhee Club, the, 135
Christmas dinner, a, 82
Chutnee, raw, 163
Chutnine, 163
Cinquevalli, Paul, 112
City dinners, 100
Clam chowder, 95
Cleopatra, 170
“Coal-hole,” the, 187
Cobbler, champagne, 226
sherry, 226
Cocktail, Bengal, 236
brandy, 235
champagne, 236
gin, 237
Manhattan, 236
Milford, 236
Newport, 237
Saratoga, 237
whisky, 237
Yum Yum, 236
Cod liver, 102
Coffee tree, the, 7
Cold mutton, 162
Collins, John, 218
Coloured help, 94
Corelli, Marie, 247
Cow, milking a, 205
Crécy soup, 122
Cremorne Gardens, 184
Cup, ale, 226
Ascot, 224
Balaclava, 223
Chablis, 222
champagne, 222
cider, 221
claret, 220
Crimean, 223
Moselle, 226
Curry, Benares, 134
dry Madras, 144
locust, 140
Malay, 140
Parsee, 136
powder, 139
Prawn, 143
rice for, 17, 145
what to, 142
when served, 141
Cyclone, a, 262
Dana, 263
Delmonico, 95
Devilled biscuit, a, 269
Dickens, Charles, 52, 248
Dingley Dell, 249
Dinner, afloat, 101
city, 100
Christmas, 82
an ideal, 101
Doctor, a, 264
Samuel Johnson, 71
Donald, 220
Duck, Bombay, 146
canvass-back, 95
jugged, with oysters, 46
Rouen, 87
-squeezer, 93
Dumas, Alexander, 80
Dumpling, kidney, 190
Early Christians, 63
Closing Act, 181
Eggs and bacon, 13
Elizabeth, Queen, 66
Englishman in China, the, 92
Evans’s, 181
Fairy “Ala,” the, 68
kiss, a, 240
Fergus MacIvor, 67
Fin’an haddie, 23
Fixed bayonet, a, 91
Flash of lightning, a, 240
Flip, ale-, 216
egg-, 217
-flap, 241
Fowls, Surrey, 88
Free trade, 8
French soup, 97
Fricandeau, a, 104
Garlic, 128
Gin, sloe, 227
Ginger brandy, 230
Glasgow, the late Lord, 191
Goats, sacrifice of, 198
Goose pie, 56
Gordon hotels, 71
Green, “Paddy,” 182
Greenland, across, 110
Grilled bones, 189
Grouse pie, 48
Gubbins sauce, 14
Haggis, 63
Halibut steak, a, 20
Happy Eliza, 242
Hawkins, Sir John, 113
Hawthornden, 84
Help, coloured, 94
Highland cordial, 229
Hollingshead, John, 181
Home Ruler, 227
Horatius Flaccus, 112
Horse-radish sauce, 164
steaks, 191
Hotch potch, 53
Hotel breakfasts, 17
“Parish,” 21
Hot-pot, Lancashire, 42
Hunting luncheons, 48
Indian breakfasts, 31
Irish stew, 50
James I., King, 64
Japan, 92
Jesuits, the, 93
Johnson, Doctor, 71
John Collins, 218
“Jolly Sandboys,” the, 51
“Joseph,” 83
Jugged duck with oysters, 46
Jumping powder, 230
Kent Road Cookery, the, 109
Kidney dumpling, 190
in fire-shovel, 188
King James I., 64
Kiss, a fairy, 240
Kitchener, Doctor, 139
Knickerbein, a, 239
Lamb, Charles, 146
Lamb’s head and mince, 186
Lampreys, 106
Lancashire hot-pot, 42
Large peach, a, 15
Larks, such, 46
Lightning, a flash of, 240
Li Hung Chang, 91
Liver, cod’s, 102
Lorna Doone, 247
Louis XII., 60
XIV., 60
Lucian, 119
Luncheon, Ascot, 54
race-course, 50
Simla, 58
Macaulay, Lord, 261
Madère, 94
Maiden’s blush, 241
Majesty, Her, 107
Mandragora, 231
Marrow, vegetable, 130
Marsala, 94
Mayfair, 85
Mayonnaise, 153
Mediterranean breakfast, a, 26
Mess-table, the, 105
Miladi’s boudoir, 190
Milk, bull’s, 240
Mint julep, 242
Mirepoix, a, 89
Mutton, cold, 162
Nansen’s banquet on the ice, 109
Napoleon the Great, 107
Nero, 62
New York City, 95
Nipping habit, the, 233
“No cheques accepted,” 18
Off to Gold-land, 25
“Old Coppertail,” 197
Onion, the, 128
Orange brandy, 230
sauce, 161
Orgeat, 224
Out West, 96
Oven, the, 76
Overtrained, 269
Oysters, Aden, 172
in their own juice, 173
Kurachi, 171
prairie, 265
sauce, 137
scalloped, 173
stewed, 174
Worcester, 265
“Paddy” Green, 182
Parsnip, the, 129
Parlour cookery, 187
Payne, George, 82
Peake and Allen, 263
Pea soup, 118
Pease, 117
“Peg,” a, 217
Pepper-pot, 195
Peter the Great, 106
Physician, an eminent, 108
Pick-me-up, “Number One,” 263
St. Mark’s, 268
Pickles, hot, 269
Pie, angel’s, 55
goose, 56
grouse, 48
pigeon, 55
pork, 49
Wardon, 5
woodcock, 47
Yorkshire, 49
Poor, how they live, 109
Pope, Doctor Joseph, 146
Possets, 242
Pork, roast, 45
Potato, the, 111
salad, 155
Port-flip, 266
Powder, jumping, 230
Pré salé, a, 90
Prison fare, 110
“Property” food, 258
Pudding, Cheshire cheese, 39
plover, 46
rabbit, 45
snipe, 41
Pulled turkey, 94
Punch, 206
ale, 214
Barbadoes, 214
Cambridge, 210
Curaçoa, 214
Grassot, 214
Glasgow, 213
Halo, 212
milk, 208
Oxford, 210
Regent, 215
Queen Elizabeth, 66
Rabbit pie, 45
Race-course luncheons, 50
sandwich, 53
Rajah’s hospitality, a, 196
Raleigh, Sir Walter, 113
Rat snakes, 204
Regimental dinner, a, 99
Rice for curry, 17, 145
Richardson, 81
Roasting, 76
Romans, the, 59
Royalty, 85
Rouen ducks, 87
Salad, anchovy, 160
a memorable, 157
boarding-house, 150
celery, 156
cheese in, 158
corn, 158
Francatelli’s, 150
French, 151
fruit, 161
herring, 155
Italian, 159
lobster, 151
maker, a gentleman-, 156
orange, 161
potato, 155
Roman, 159
Russian, 160
tomato, 156
Salads, 147
Sala, George Augustus, 71
Salmi Bernardin, 92
of wild-duck, 93
Salmon steak, 24
Sandhurst R.M.C., 67
Sandwich, a race-course, 53
Sambal, 168
St. Leger, the, 84
Sauce, carp, 165
celery, 164
Christopher North’s, 165
currant, 167
goose, 168
gooseberry, 166
Gubbins, 14
hare, 165
horse-radish, 164
orange, 161
oyster, 137
Tapp, 190
Tartare, 166
Savarin, Brillat, 90
Saxon dining-table, a, 65
Scorcher, a, 264
Scott, Sir Walter, 67
Scalloped oysters, 173
Scotch broth, 52
Shandy gaff, rich man’s, 225
Shepherd’s pie, 45
Ship and Turtle, the, 38
Sidney, Harry, 183
Simla, luncheon at, 58
to Cashmere, 200
Sligo slop, 244
Sloe gin, 227
Smith, Sydney, 147
Snipe pudding, 41
Soup, French, 97
“Spanky,” 182
Spinach, 127
Sprats, 179
Staff of life, the, 7
Steaks, 50
salmon, 24
thoroughbred horse, 191
Steam-chest, the, 76
Stew, Irish, 50
“Jolly Sandboys,” 51
oyster, 174
Stout and champagne, 225
Straight talks, 272
Suetonius, 61
Suffolk pride, 56
Such larks, 46
Supper, Hotel Cecil, 179
ball, 175
Surgeon-major, a, 264
Surrey fowls, 88
Swizzle, a, 271
Tapp sauce, 190
Tartar sauce, 166
Tea, 6
à la Française, 28
Thibet, 200
Thumb-piece, 53
Tiger’s milk, 241
Toddy, 215
whisky, 216
Tomato, the, 126
Tomnoddy, Lord, 180
Toole, John Lawrence, 258
Tournedos, a, 89
Tripe, 177
how to cook, 178
Tsar, the, 57
Tsaritza, the, 86
Turkey, the, 94
pulled, 94
Turmeric, 139
Turnip, 127
Turner, Godfrey, 103
Vegetarian banquet, a, 132
Vitellius, 61
Vol-au-Vent financière, 90
Waiter, the, 112
Wardon pie, a, 5
Wellington, Duke of, 107
West Indies, the, 240
West, out, 96
Whisky, sour, 243
Wild-duck, salmi of, 93
William the Conqueror, 261
Woodcock pie, 47
Working man, the, 270
Wyndham, 241
Yates, Edmund’s Reminiscences, 178
York, New, 95
Yorkshire pie, 49