“Among those present were Mrs. Riley Withersby, widow of the late Riley Withersby; Rev. Walpole and wife and children, Dr. Crosby Niebling and wife, Judge Horatio S. Warden, Mr. Smiley W. Greene, the popular undertaker, and wife and children; Captain Roscoe Fry and wife and children, Mine Host, ‘Mort’ Peters, of the Bird Center House, and wife; Attorney D. I. Black and wife and children, Messrs. Winthrop K. Biddle, of Philadelphia, Elmer Pratt, Homer Withersby, Orville Peters, Riley W. Peters, Wilbur Fry, and ‘ye editor,’ J. Oscar Fisher; Misses Flossye Niebling, —— Barnard, of Xenia, Ohio; Lucile Ramona Fry, Grace Niebling, Kate Warden, who is home for the Thanksgiving vacation; Mae Niebling, Myrtle Peters, Elizabeth Nicklefield, Anna Walpole, Clara Black, and Alys Fry. Chris C. Newbower was also among those present.”
SOCIAL HAPPENINGS AT BIRD CENTER, ILLINOIS
Mrs. Riley Withersby entertains the Bird Center Reading Circle
“A delightful affair was that given last evening at the pleasant residence of Mrs. Riley Withersby. It was the monthly meeting of the Bird Center Reading Circle and was an unusually successful and happy function. Among those present were Mrs. Riley Withersby, Rev. Walpole and wife and children, Mr. Smiley W. Greene, the popular undertaker, and wife and children, Mine Host, ‘Mort’ Peters, of the Bird Center House, and wife and children, Messrs. Elmer Pratt, Homer Withersby, Orville Peters, Riley W. Peters, Wilbur Fry, and ye editor, J. Oscar Fisher, Misses Lucile Ramona Fry, Grace Niebling, Kate Warden, Mae Niebling, Myrtle Peters, Anna Walpole, Clara Black, and others. Chris C. Newbower was also present for a while.”
SOCIAL HAPPENINGS AT BIRD CENTER, ILLINOIS
Mrs. Smiley W. Greene, Wife of the Popular Undertaker, celebrates Thanksgiving by entertaining the Dancing Club
The Dancing Club met at the home of Mrs. Smiley W. Greene on Thanksgiving evening. A full quota of our fellow townsmen attended and all agreed on parting that a most enjoyable time was had. Mrs. Greene was beautifully gowned in a blue and white creation trimmed with sprays of immortelles. Elegant refreshments were served and the occasion was rendered quite Bohemian in character by the presence of our talented local artist, E. Milton Brown of the Bird Center Tintype Studios. Rev. Walpole and family dropped in for a few moments during the early part of the festivities.
ADDITIONAL SOCIETY NOTES.
Chris C. Newbower was also among those present at Mrs. Smiley W. Greene’s dancing club entertainment. Chris says that he is not much of a shining light in the social whirl.
Miss —— Barnard, of Xenia, Ohio, who has been visiting the Misses Niebling, has decided to remain here a week longer. Ah, there, R——y P——s.
THE WAR MANŒUVRES, THE GALLANT GENERALS, AND THE ARMY MULES WHO DID NOT KNOW THAT IT WAS ALL IN FUN
Whereupon a terrific battle occurred which lasted two hours; and the fleet, being sunk, annihilated, and blown to atoms (constructively),
THE NAVAL MANŒUVRES AT NEWPORT
“The Duchess of Marlborough is alongside in her dinghy, sir.”
“Pass the word to cease firing, and have Her Grace come aboard.”
DECORATION DAY
THE INGLORIOUS FIFTH
JUST BEFORE THANKSGIVING DAY
JUST BEFORE CHRISTMAS
HAVE YOU EVER HAD THIS EXPERIENCE?
Mr. Manshopper—“I’ve discovered the great secret of Christmas present buying. First decide positively what you want to buy, then decide on the price you want to pay, and then go and buy it.”
Chorus of Admiring Feminine Voices—“Oh, isn’t that a perfectly lovely pitcher! Oh, isn’t it too lovely for anything!”
A PICTORIAL SERMONETTE
The Woman who tells her Husband all her Petty Troubles
“Oh, William, I’ve had such a dreadful day to-day! First it was one thing and then another. I just know the grocer overcharged me on that yeast I bought yesterday; and the baby cried nearly an hour this afternoon, and the bread burned, and the dog chewed up one of your slippers, and the roof leaks, and the hall carpet is wearing out.”
“And you must punish Willie. I can’t do a thing with him any more. He insists on being a pirate when he grows up, and he knows well enough that we want him to be a doctor. And we really must have a new hall carpet, and you must see about the roof, and be sure to see the grocer about the yeast.”
A PICTORIAL SERMONETTE
A PICTORIAL SERMONETTE
The Man who had no Right to Talk
At Eight O’Clock—“Why, take a night like this, with the thermometer below zero, the suffering among the poor is simply terrible. Somebody ought to take them coal barons out and string ’em up to the nearest lamp-post.”
At Eleven O’Clock—“I tell you, gentlemen, it’s an infamous outrage. Just think of the suffering among the helpless poor. It makes me mad to think of it. I wish I was President for about fifteen minutes—you’d see some of them villains in the coal trust pay for their confounded heartlessness.”
A PICTORIAL SERMONETTE
On the Imaginative Man who works himself into a Passion because he thinks Some one may insult him
“I wonder if he will remember me after all these years. Maybe his prosperity has changed him so that he will pretend to forget the old school-days.”
“Well, if he tries the haughty act with me there’ll be trouble. I won’t allow any man to insult me. It would be an outrageous way to treat an old friend.”
“And I’m too proud to stand for it a minute! I’ll mop up the floor with him! I’ll show him that I’m as good as he is, even if he is rich. Confound him, I’ll leave this beastly hole rather than be humiliated that way!”
As a matter of fact Mr. Scadsworth was delighted to see his old friend.
As a matter of fact Mr. Scadsworth was delighted to see his old friend.
A PICTORIAL SERMONETTE
One of the Perils of those Whose Positions in Society are not Secure
Mr. Snobbly (aside)—“Great Scott, there’s that man who spoke to me at the hotel. I wonder how he broke in here. I hope he doesn’t speak to me right here before Mrs. Topnotcher.”
As a matter of fact, old Mr. Bullion didn’t know Snobbly was on earth. He merely came over to speak to his old friend, Mrs. Topnotcher, with whom he spent a week at a house-party in Windsor Castle as the guest of King Edward.
MR. LUGUBRIOUS BLUE AND MR. SMILEY GLADD ON THE VENEZUELAN SITUATION
Mr. Gladd—“Well, I see there’s another little scrap down in Venezuela.”
Mr. Blue—“Little scrap, nothing. It’s the beginning of a terrible war between the United States and Europe.”
Mr. Gladd—“Oh, I think they’ll adjust the trouble before long.”
“Now, you mark my words. Inside of three months we’ll have to defend the Monroe Doctrine against England and Germany.”
Mr. Gladd—“Oh, dear me, you don’t think it’s so serious as all that, do you?”
“Listen. I’ll tell you just what will happen. England and Germany will fight Venezuela for a week or two, then demand eight hundred million dollars indemnity and refuse to leave till they get it. Uncle Sam’ll say, ‘clear out,’ and then look out for something doing in war circles.”
A CARIBBEAN SCHÜTZENFEST
Or, the Ship that was much the Worse for War
“Ach, Himmel, this monotony is deadly. Nichts komme raus; or, in other words, there’s nothing doing in war circles.”
“While we’re waiting, let’s heave a few twelve-pounders over in that Venezuelan fort. Let’s wake ’em up a little.”
SHERLOCK HOLMES ANALYZES A PERFECT STRANGER
“How do you do, sir. I observe that you are in the coal trust; also that you have just had a narrow escape; that you have no children; that you were in a great hurry this morning; that you have been writing, and that you shaved with your left hand this morning. Are you going away on the afternoon or the evening train?”
“Why, this is simply marvelous, Mr. Holmes. Everything you’ve said is true. How in the world did you find out all these things about a man you’ve never heard of before?”
“By a very simple process of deduction. I can tell by your hands that you are in a trust, and I know it was the coal trust by the hungry way you looked at my purse there on the table, and by the fact that you glanced apprehensively around you as if expecting some one to hit you with a club. I knew that you had just had a narrow escape, by the fact that three bricks grazed you, and the brick dust is still on your coat. You have no children, for if you had you would have some consideration for poor people who have children. I knew that you expected to take a journey, because I understand the grand jury is in session. I also knew that you had shaved with your left hand because your face is cut, and there is ink on your right forefinger, showing that you were writing out an order to whoop the price of coal while shaving with your left. You were in a hurry, because you had time to have only one shoe polished. It’s all very simple.”
THE SYMPATHETIC COAL DEALER AND THE MAN WHO HAD TO HAVE A TON OF COAL
Sympathetic Coal Dealer—“I’m terrible sorry your family is suffering, but I haven’t an ounce of coal that isn’t contracted for.”
“Oh, it breaks my heart to hear that your children are suffering and if I had any coal to spare I’d let you have it.”
DOES THE END JUSTIFY THE MEANNESS?
THE COAL INVESTIGATION
The Chairman of the Committee to the Coal Conspirator—“Now, answer me explicitly. What per cent of hydrogen does the average ton of coal contain?”
“Now, do not attempt to equivocate or evade this important question. If a ton of coal weighs a thousand pounds, how much does a ton of anthracite coal weigh compared to the weight of a ton of bituminous coal?”
“Do you or do you not know whether a ton of anthracite coal dating from the paleozoic age burns more readily than a ton of bituminous dating from the pre-glacial epoch? This has an important bearing upon our investigation.”
“ANARCHY ISLE”
THERE IS NO CLAUSE IN THE NEW NICARAGUAN CANAL TREATY AGAINST BILLBOARDS
“IN THE SPRING THE YOUNG MAN’S FANCIES LIGHTLY TURN TO THOUGHTS OF ST. JOE”
THE ARRIVAL OF THE INDIANA AUTHORS AND POETS
THE ANNUAL CRUISE OF THE DOROTHEA AND THE ILLINOIS NAVAL RESERVES
THE NATIONAL GOLF TOURNAMENT AT GLENVIEW
SOCIAL HAPPENINGS IN WASHINGTON, D. C.
ONE RESULT OF THE MODERN METHODS OF THE UP-TO-DATE CHURCH
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“John, I just know there’s somebody trying to get in our front door.” |
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“Now, do be careful when you open the door, John.” |
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“Oh, John, I just know something dreadful has happened to father!” |
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“Gee! if dere hain’t no answer, I guess I’ll mosey back. Gee! dis is a peach of a night.” |