THE LAY OF THE CIVIL SERVANT
I am the very model of a modern Civil Servant,—
My ambition for the strenuous life’s particularly fervent.
I know a host of pleasant facts and many a pleasing fiction,
Among which last I may include, a member’s “firm conviction.”
I know the day and month of every statutory feast,—
But why these days are “Holy Days,” it matters not the least.
I know the Civil Service List and everybody’s pay
And why they came, why they’re here, and their likely length of stay;
I can see a hole in a ladder and know a Pull when I feel it,
And the modus operandi of getting a thing without having to steal it.
I know the Civil Service Act and how it’s circumvented
Who is who in Parliament, what’s real and what pretended.
I know about Elipse of Stress and why a bridge breaks down
And all about the vested rights and the powers of the Crown.
I know when to work moderato and when fortissimo,
What’s the diff. between in and out, in fact I’m in the know;
I know about contractors and their peculiar ways,
How honestly they always act, especially when it pays.
I’m very well acquainted, too, with social etiquette,
Have shook Gov.-General’s hands and Ministers have met.
And yet with all my knowing it grieves me much to say
That as yet I’ve not discovered how to get a raise in pay.
I have a ready flow of words, which passes for profundity,
But really a few scattered wits, are all that fills, my head’s rotundity.
The dead level is the devil.
You need great ballast in your mind to spread a vast canvas of vanity to the wind.
A brave man may run from danger, a coward fight, a fool do wisdom, and a wise man folly; so consider a reputation, but count it not too high.