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Civil service jingles and other things

Chapter 21: THE MIKADO’S SONG
By Harry McDonald Walters
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About This Book

A series of witty poems, parables, and light verses lampooning bureaucratic life and public service. Short jingles and longer allegorical sketches caricature clerical drudgery, patronage, political opportunism, and office rivalries, often using mock‑biblical cadence, puns, and comic exaggeration. Narratives follow minor officials navigating promotions, investigations, and changing regimes, while satirical vignettes highlight hypocrisy and the survival tactics of lower‑rank employees. The collection alternates playful rhyme and humorous prose to entertain readers acquainted with administrative routines.

THE MIKADO’S SONG

BROUGHT DOWN TO 1909

Mikado sings as formerly:

“My object all sublime,
“I shall achieve in time,
“To make the punishment fit the crime,
“The punishment fit the crime,
“And make each prisoner pent unwillingly represent,
“A source of innocent merriment, of innocent merriment.”
All ranting hypocritical saints,
And Lord’s Day Alliance mugs,
Baseball shall play the whole lord’s day
To an audience of thugs.
The Suffragette who wants to vote
Whether we will or not,
Will be spanked by a preacher in order to teach her,
Her proper place and lot.
The Temperance crank whom any one catches,
His fate’s extremely rough,
He’s put up to his chin in a barrel of gin,
Till he drinks up all the stuff.
All Grafters with the itching palm,
And paw out for a bribe,
Will get down on their shins and confess all their sins,
To a Holy Methodist tribe.
The Banker who takes public money,
And gambles it in stocks,
Shall wear a hair shirt in squalor and dirt,
And walk with peas in his socks.

Beware of ruts, they are easy to get into but difficult to get out of. All habits are ruts, a good one is only a little better than a bad one, therefore do not become a creature of habit.