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Civil service jingles and other things

Chapter 29: AN OPERA IN ONE ACT
By Harry McDonald Walters
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About This Book

A series of witty poems, parables, and light verses lampooning bureaucratic life and public service. Short jingles and longer allegorical sketches caricature clerical drudgery, patronage, political opportunism, and office rivalries, often using mock‑biblical cadence, puns, and comic exaggeration. Narratives follow minor officials navigating promotions, investigations, and changing regimes, while satirical vignettes highlight hypocrisy and the survival tactics of lower‑rank employees. The collection alternates playful rhyme and humorous prose to entertain readers acquainted with administrative routines.

AN OPERA IN ONE ACT

ENTITLED “THE TIME SERVERS”

As the curtain rises a large and motley crew of nondescript humanity is discovered, of all shapes, sizes, and complexions, no two being alike, except in the special feature that all wear a halter about the neck. All howl to Calliope obligato:

At us please take a look,
You’ll find us on the List
In the Auditor’s Blue Book,
Where none of us are missed;
We scribble and figure and write
From morning until night;
We’re in a sorry plight,
And oh—oh—oh—oh—oh!!!

Cages are arranged R. and L. and up stage. The chorus disappears into these as Deputy enters. Deputy comes well down stage throws out his chest and sings:

I now declare
There’s nothing to compare
With my style and air,
When I’m in my chair:
And I further declare, without fear of opposition,
That no man alive can fill my position.

Chiefs, 1st, 2nd and 3rd class clerks. Class A and B, with sub-divisions, messengers, and packers crowd out of the cages and come down and sing similarly:

Deputy in high falsetto:

You see, you see,
They all agree
With the opinion I express
Regarding me.

Chorus replies, forte:

You’re all at sea,
You’re all at sea,
The fellows we sing about
Is we.

Enter the Minister, gazing heavenward. Deputy dives into a hole, and pulls hole in after him. Chorus proceeds to look like thirty cents. Minister sings:

It’s curious to contemplate
The ways of different men
Who by the force of Character
Do climb on top, or when
By scheme or lucky circumstance
Their little selves they find
Perched on high public prominence,
Far above common kind.
One does a funny dance,
Or some weird trick fantastic,
Oblivious to the smiles and tears
He causes by his antic.
Another swells his chest
And apes a thoughtful front,
And fondly hopes the world looks on
To see him do his stunt.
A third would lead society,
And in cultured circles shine,
And thinks the fact accomplished when
Instead of “eating” he must “dine.”

Enter the Civil Service Commissioners. The Minister takes a back seat. Commissioners sing duo (Chorus stand at attention):

Did it ever strike you
That if you knew
The reason for the other fellow’s
Point of view,
You’d have some information
Fresh and new?
So when you disagree
With any he,
Just take a look about and try and see
If what he thinks
Can really be.

Chorus sings doxology in parts. Curtain.

The whole universe is a contest between what we call Life and Death, that is, motion and rest. Every THING will eventually come to rest and other things be evolved. Given eternity and it is easily conceivable that a world will die and be resolved into its elements, what then is so objectionable in the thought of a FINAL death to the individual whose life is but a flash as compared with all time? You cannot logically think the persistence of personality.