Remember JULY 31ST.
163.
DEAR, GREAT MAN,
A thousand thanks for the autograph, which will give much joy. This Fraulein Soest is a good, excellent girl, who was sent by her parents to England, and was there taken with home-sickness for the "Weymar school," "the music of the future," and the "Wagnerian opera." She managed to escape, and is now settled at Erfurt, where she gives pianoforte lessons, and from where she comes to Weymar to hear your poems.
Ten and a hundred thousand thanks for many other things besides. Liszt was delighted to hear that his articles in the Weymar paper had pleased you. It is a fine thing of you to have understood them so well. They are to go on for some time, and the "Flying Dutchman" will conclude this series. It is truly a wreath of mourning which he binds there; your dark, noble hero lives, and will live. Sleep and solitude are not death; and his vital strength is such, that for a long time to come he will make the round of Europe at certain intervals. Beethoven's "Fidelio" is only just becoming acclimatised in London.
I am quite happy that the symphonic poems interest you. When he is ABLE to visit you, he will bring the scores with him. At the present moment they are, I believe, being partly copied out and partly revised for engraving, etc., etc. But you, dear, great genius, will be the first to read them. They have been for the greater part performed here. The music is most beautiful, very noble, very elevated.
Your letters give us the same joy which a poor man used only to kicks and coarse copper coin would feel at receiving an alms of gold. Give us that alms frequently, because you are none the poorer for it. Allow Liszt to manage Hulsen, and leave Berlin to him wholly and entirely. It may go slowly, but it will go WELL and, before all, DECENTLY. How good, how prudent, how delicate and patient, HE is—that I know. Another man would during these six years have sunk and been drowned eighteen times in the storms which have our poor little barque for a plaything. He alone keeps us still on the surface.
Liszt has written to Berlin to find some one who will copy your "Rhinegold," the beautiful "Rhinegold," for which our ears are sighing. He whom he thought would answer your purpose is not free for the present. What is needed to make you begin the "Valkyrie?" And oh! that wonderful scene between Wotan and Brynhild—the divine Brynhild, who saves Sieglinde! Write at great length; it will do good to our three hearts, which are united and inseparable. The whole atmosphere of the Altenburg is gently illumed when a letter from you has arrived.
Heaven grant that we may say, "Au revoir! soon," and that we soon may see your "Rhinegold," were it but a sketch. If you only knew how Liszt sings your poems! We adored "Lohengrin" long before Beck had studied it, and still listen and weep when he sings it. Do finish your "Valkyrie" as soon as possible. What a work!
Write to us soon. You say that H. does not know what the matter is. Who does when the matter is something beautiful and grand? When a sculptor wants to make a beautiful statue, he takes granite or marble and wearies his strength in cutting it, but granite and marble are less hard than the heart of man. The sculptor, unless he dies, finishes his statue; when a noble thing has to be done, men are less pliable than granite and marble.
Liszt is indefatigable. He is wholly devoted to your courage and hope. I cannot tell you sufficiently how your dear letter has rejoiced me.
C.
164.
X.'s strong box resists a siege even more obstinately than does Silistria; storming it will do no good, and I have consequently nothing satisfactory to tell you. Returning here, I find a letter from Hulsen, definitely declining the performance of "Tannhauser" at Berlin, and winding up with the following flourish: "It is obvious that, after two vain attempts to produce this work at the Royal Theatre, the management will not undertake a third as long as I have the honour of being at the head of it. I am sorry for this."
From another source I hear, however, that the matter is not to remain in this negative stage, and that in the very highest quarters there is a wish to call me to Berlin. The event must show; for the present I have only written a few lines in reply to Hulsen.
What is all this story about the Musical Festival? Why did you bolt? Let me know when you happen to be in the mood.
After the Rotterdam festival I stayed a few days at Brussels to meet my two daughters.
As soon as my large arrears of correspondence are disposed of, I shall settle down to my "Faust," which is to be ready by the new year. The other things (symphonic poems) will also be in print by that time.
I still feel very much fatigued after my hurried journey, and my personal regret at not being able to serve you makes me curtail these lines still further. Ah! good heavens! what can I say to you while
La vergogna dura
and while there is no means of removing that vergogna?
Your
F. L.
July 28th, 1854.
165.
DEAREST FRANZ,
Did you really think for a moment that I had conceived the idea of giving concerts in order to make propaganda for myself, or to make music, or what not? Did you not see at once that this plan was purely the result of despair at my miserable pecuniary situation, and that the only question that required an answer was whether or not I could make money by it, money in return for an unheard-of sacrifice, an act of self-abnegation, which probably I should not have been able to go through with after all? How badly I must have expressed myself! Excuse me for having given rise to such a misunderstanding, and be thanked all the more for the trouble you took nevertheless.
My dear, worthy friend, how proud and happy was I not three years ago, before I had done anything out of keeping with the full consciousness of my antagonistic position towards our artistic publicity. When at that time you, with your friendly anxiety, were intent upon getting "public recognition" for me and a wider field for my works, I used to smile and guard myself against every temptation. But the demon took hold of me; in my terribly bare life, my inclination began to grow again towards some of the amenities of existence; I yielded to temptation, surrendered my scores, was surprised at their success, and—hoped. I now curse this hope. I feel humiliated before myself, because I seek in vain release from this grief of self-reproach.
Hulsen has told X. that the whole thing in connection with me was DONE. Fortunately I was able to comfort X. with the thought that HE had not done it; but Hulsen is right: the thing is "done for." What finally could enlighten me better as to the truth and genuineness of my successes than the fact that in the very places where they had been gained, and with every conceivable trouble, the loan of—I must speak plainly—1,000 thalers could not be raised amongst my "admirers?" This very trivial matter speaks volumes to me.
Pray, dearest Franz, do not talk to me of my fame, my honours, my position, or whatever the name may be. I am positively certain that all my "successes" are based on BAD, very BAD, performances of my works, that they therefore rest on misunderstandings, and that my public reputation is not worth an empty nutshell. Let us give up all diplomatic contrivances, this dealing with means which we despise for ends which, closely considered, can never be achieved, least of all by those means. Let us leave alone this COTERIE, this connection with idiots who in a body have no notion of what we really aim at. I ask you, What satisfaction, what pleasure, can we derive from the assistance of all these silly people, whatever their names may be? I sometimes cannot understand your ironical enjoyment of life, which gets over your disgust at these people by making fun of them. Away with all this stuff, this "glory," this nonsense! We live at a time when glory can bring neither joy nor honour.
Listen to me: "Tannhauser" and "Lohengrin" I have thrown to the winds; I do not want to know any more of them. When I gave them over to theatrical jobbery, I cast them out, I condemned them to the task of begging for me, of getting me money, NOTHING BUT MONEY. Even for that purpose I should not like to employ them if I were not compelled to do so. After the insight which I have gained this summer, I should willingly submit to the penance of selling all my goods and chattels, and go, naked as I am, into the wide world, where—I swear it to you—no illusion should tempt me any more. But my wife could not bear such a violent step again; I know it would kill her. Well then, FOR HER SAKE I am resolved to go on. "Tannhauser" and "Lohengrin" must go to the Jews. But I am unable to wait and see how much more they might bring me in in certain patiently looked-for contingencies than now, when I am compelled to get rid of them at any price, and the sooner the better. Tell me, dearest friend, how do matters stand at Berlin? Did you merely rely upon making our condition plausible to Herr von Hulsen, or had you prepared other means of securing your honourable invitation to Berlin? I am almost inclined to believe the latter, and to hope in consequence that you will soon be able to announce our triumph. The want of Berlin for my operas involves the delay of the rest of the business, and I assure you that the spreading of my operas is entirely a matter of BUSINESS to me. This is the only real point; all the rest is, and remains, fictitious. Let us not attempt to look upon the matter in any serious light except as regards money. I should despise myself if I paid any attention to anything beyond this. For me the song of the "world" was sung to an end long ago.
And do you know what has confirmed me in this sentiment, inspiring me with new pride? It is YOUR WORK ABOUT THE "FLYING DUTCHMAN." In this series of articles I have once more clearly recognized myself, and have come to the conclusion that we have nothing in common with this world. WHO DID EVER UNDERSTAND ME? You, and no one else. Who understands YOU? I, and no one else. Be sure of it. You, for the first and only time, have disclosed to me the joy of being wholly understood. My being has passed into yours; not a fibre, not the gentlest tremor of my heart, remains that you have not felt with me. But I also see that THIS ALONE means being really understood, while all else is misunderstanding and barren error. What do I want more after having experienced this? What do you want of me after having experienced this with me? Let the tear of a beloved woman mingle with this joy, and what else can we desire? Do not let us desecrate our own selves. Let us look upon the world through the medium of contempt alone. It is worth nothing else; to found any hope on it would be deceiving our own hearts; it is BAD, BAD, THOROUGHLY BAD: only the heart of a FRIEND, the tears of a woman, can dispel its curse. We do not respect the world. Its honour, its glory, or by whatever name its shams may be called, are nothing to us. It belongs to Alberich, to no one else. Let it perish! I have said enough; you now know my sentiment, which is not a momentary emotion, but as firm and solid as adamant. That sentiment alone gives me strength to drag on the burden of life. But I must henceforth cling to it inexorably. I have a deadly hatred of all APPEARANCE, of all hope, for it is self-deception. But I will work; you shall have my scores; they will belong to us, to no one else. That is enough. You have the "Rhinegold," have you not? I have got to the second act of the "Valkyrie": Wotan and Fricka. I shall succeed, you will see.
Farewell.
Are you going to write to my wife?
My cordial remembrances!
(What the other people write I cannot bear to read any longer. I only read your "Dutchman" article; that is the reward, the pride, of my life.)
Farewell.
Your
R. W.
166.
Zurich, September 16th, 1854
Do you know how I can manage to arrange some concerts at Brussels and perhaps two Dutch towns, such as I gave last year at Zurich, and do you think that by such an undertaking I might make 10,000 francs in cash? Can you make arrangements so that my offer may be readily met, and that my programme may be translated into French and Dutch? If you can answer these questions satisfactorily, kindly take the matter in hand as soon as possible. I must earn money at once. No theatre has asked for my operas; nothing is stirring; I seem to be quite forgotten. If I could bring back money from Belgium and Holland, I might probably resume my work. For the present all music has been laid aside.
Your medallion is very beautiful. Many thanks. I care for nothing else, and for good reasons.
Always your faithful
Richard 167.
DEAREST FRANZ,
My wife is going to Germany, in the first instance on a visit to her parents. At present she is with Alwine Frommann, Berlin (10, Linden). In a week's time at the latest she will be in Leipzig (at A.'s, Windmuhlengasse). From there she will return via Frankfort. If she could hear one of my operas—"Lohengrin" of course in preference—at Weimar, she would like to stop a day there. If you can manage this, kindly write to her at Berlin or Leipzig, or, in case you can let me know BY RETURN, write to ME at Zurich, so that I can advise her in time.
From H. you will have in a few days the score of "Rhinegold", which I sent to him in separate pieces for the purpose of having a copy made at Dresden. But as I have recently finished a clean copy myself, I cannot bear the thought that the work should not yet be in YOUR HANDS. I did not want to let you have the fragments, for I consider it an important and significant event to place the WHOLE in your hands. Keep it for a month, to have a look at it occasionally; after that I shall ask you to return it for a time, so as to get the complete copy done.
My best love to Daniel, the foolish boy.
I write nothing else, either about myself or about your article. If I once began about these two things, I should not know where to stop. It is a great pity that I did not see you this year. Altogether I feel so boundlessly miserable that I begin to despise myself for bearing this misery. Enough. Farewell.
The worker in plaster-of-Paris has not yet returned your medallion; the margin was a little damaged. Why do you keep the "Indian fairy tale" to yourself? I have plenty of prosaic things around me, and could find a place for it.
My best remembrances to the Princess.
Your
RICHARD.
ZURICH, September 29th, 1854.
168.
DEAR FRANZ,
I begin to find out more and more that you are in reality a great philosopher, while I appear to myself a hare-brained fellow. Apart from slowly progressing with my music, I have of late occupied myself exclusively with a man who has come like a gift from heaven, although only a literary one, into my solitude. This is Arthur Schopenhauer, the greatest philosopher since Kant, whose thoughts, as he himself expresses it, he has thought out to the end. The German professors ignored him very prudently for forty years; but recently, to the disgrace of Germany, he has been discovered by an English critic. All the Hegels, etc., are charlatans by the side of him. His chief idea, the final negation of the desire of life, is terribly serious, but it shows the only salvation possible. To me of course that thought was not new, and it can indeed be conceived by no one in whom it did not pre- exist, but this philosopher was the first to place it clearly before me. If I think of the storm of my heart, the terrible tenacity with which, against my desire, it used to cling to the hope of life, and if even now I feel this hurricane within me, I have at least found a quietus which in wakeful nights helps me to sleep. This is the genuine, ardent longing for death, for absolute unconsciousness, total non-existence; freedom from all dreams is our only final salvation.
In this I have discovered a curious coincidence with your thoughts; and although you express them differently, being religious, I know that you mean exactly the same thing. How profound you are! In your article about the "Dutchman" you have struck me with the force of lightning. While I read Schopenhauer I was with you, only you did not know it. In this manner I ripen more and more. I only play with art to pass the time. In what manner I try to amuse myself you will see from the enclosed sheet.
For the sake of that most beautiful of my life-dreams "Young Siegfried," I shall have to finish the "Nibelungen" pieces after all; the "Valkyrie" has taken so much out of me that I must indulge in this pleasure; I have got as far as the second half of the last act. The whole will not be finished till 1856; and in 1858, the tenth year of my Hegira, the performance may take place, if at all. As I have never in life felt the real bliss of love, I must erect a monument to the most beautiful of all my dreams, in which, from beginning to end, that love shall be thoroughly satiated. I have in my head "Tristan and Isolde," the simplest but most full-blooded musical conception; with the "black flag" which floats at the end of it I shall cover myself to die.
When you have had enough of "Rhinegold," send it to Chorusmaster Fischer at Dresden, instructing him in my name to give it to the copyist Wolfel, so that he may finish the copy which he has begun. Your cheering words about the "Rhinegold" were splendid, and it has really turned out well. I hope there will be enough counterpoint in it to please Raff. My anxiety as to this troubles me very much.
Is M. ill? How can I do anything to help her? She should come in the summer to Seelisberg, on the lake of Lucerne. It is the dearest discovery I have made in Switzerland; up there all is so joyful, so beautiful, that I long to return—to die there.
There we must meet next summer; I mean to write "Young Siegfried" there, and you must assist me. Perhaps I shall assist you too. How full my heart is when I think of it! Many thanks to the Princess; at her desire, I send the enclosed autograph. Nothing about business! What do we care about such miserable things? When shall I see your symphonic poems, your "Faust?"
Farewell, my Franz.
169.
Brynhild sleeps; I am, alas! still awake.
Today I was asked, on the part of the Philharmonic Society of London, whether I should be inclined to conduct its concerts this year. I asked in return, (1) Have they got a second conductor for the commonplace things? and (2) Will the orchestra have as many rehearsals as I may consider necessary? If they satisfy me as to all this, shall I accept then? If I could make a little money without disgrace, I should be pleased enough. Write to me at once what you think of this.
How are you otherwise? 170
First of all, dearest friend, my best wishes for the new year 1855! May it turn out luckier for us than its predecessors have been.
I have permitted myself a little indiscretion in Brendel's paper, and have written for the specimen number of the journal (which is going to have a new publisher), as well as for the first number of the new year, a few columns about your "Rhinegold." I hope you will not be angry with me. My intention was good, and it will do no harm to draw a little public attention to the matter. The score I shall one of these days send to Fischer at Dresden, according to your instructions.
The offer of the Philharmonic Society is very acceptable, and your friends will be pleased with it. You do not say whether it is the Old Philharmonic Society or the New Philharmonic Society which has invited you. The latter Berlioz conducted for one or two seasons, in conjunction with Dr. Wylde, a protege of one of the chief shareholders of that Society, whose name I forget. In both Societies you will find a numerous orchestra and ample materials. You will know how to bring life into them and to do something extraordinary. If I can possibly get away from here, I shall perhaps visit you in London during the season. In the meantime let me know something more about this Philharmonic business, which will probably turn out to your satisfaction. I recommend you, by your leave, some caution, and the tedious but useful method of waiting.
I have heard nothing from Berlin, and shall write to Alwine Frommann before long. Our theatre will not be able to perform your works for several months to come. Frau von Milde is in interesting circumstances, and cannot appear before the middle of April, and our public would tolerate no other Elizabeth, Elsa, or Senta. Besides this, our first tenor has lost his voice, and will be replaced next month by C., who sang "Tannhauser" here in November on trial.
I expect Berlioz about the middle of February. Do you know the score of his "Damnation de Faust?"
My "Faust" symphony is finished. There are three movements: "Faust," "Gretchen," and "Mephistopheles." I shall bring it to you at Zurich next summer.
Remember me to your wife, and continue to love
Your
F. L.
January 1st, 1855.
The Princess sends her thanks and congratulations.
171.
DEAR FRANZ,
I am able today to send you particulars about London. Mr. Anderson, treasurer of the Philharmonic Society and conductor of the Queen's band, came specially to Zurich to arrange the matter with me. I did not like the idea much, for it is not my vocation to go to London and conduct Philharmonic concerts, not even for the purpose of producing some of my compositions, as is their wish. I have written nothing for concerts. On the other hand, I felt distinctly that it was necessary for me to turn my back once for all upon every hope and every desire of taking an active part in our own artistic life, and for that reason I accepted the hand held out to me.
London is the only place in the world where I can make it possible to produce "Lohengrin" myself while the kings and princes of Germany have something else to do than grant me my amnesty. It would please me very much if I could induce the English people next year to get up a splendid German opera with my works, patronised by the court. I admit that my best introduction for that purpose will be my appointment as conductor of the Philharmonic (THE OLD), and so I consented at last to the sale of myself, although I fetched a very low price: 200 pounds for four months. I shall be in London at the beginning of March to conduct eight concerts, the first of which takes place March 12th, and the last June 25th. At the beginning of July I shall be at Seelisberg. It would be splendid if you could visit me in London; in any case I must produce something of yours there. Consider this.
Do not forget Joachim; when I am once in London, I can easily arrange the matter.
It is splendid that you have finished "Faust," and you may imagine that I am most anxious to see it; on the other hand, it is a pity that you will not show it me sooner. At the same time, I shall be glad to go through it WITH YOU at the piano, and to make its acquaintance in that way, seeing that my attendance at a good performance under your direction is for the present out of the question. The vivid idea which you know how to convey cannot even approximately be replaced by anything else; and I am more than ever intent upon getting the right impression from the first, for I greatly distrust acquaintances made by means of the abstract notes.
It is an absurd coincidence that just at this time I have been taken with a desire to remodel my old "Faust" overture. I have made an entirely new score, have rewritten the instrumentation throughout, have made many changes, and have given more expansion and importance to the middle portion (second motive). I shall give it in a few days at a concert here, under the title of "A 'Faust' Overture." The motto will be—
"Der Gott, der mir im Busen wohnt, Kann tief mein Innerstes erregen; Der uber allen meinen Kraften thront, Er kann nach aussen nichts bewegen; Und so ist mir das Dasein eine Last, Der Tod erwunscht, das Leben mir verhasst!"
but I shall not publish it in any case.
I was at first startled at your new year's article, but soon perceived that here again I am indebted to your ever-increasing sympathy. If, however, you represent my work as something colossal, you mistake, in my opinion, the standard of measurement; to me our artistic publicity, the spirit of our means of representation, etc., appear to be very small and miserable, while my work is just in accordance with ordinary human proportions, and appears gigantic only when we try to confine it to those unworthy conditions. When therefore we call our plan chimaeric and eccentric, we in reality flatter the actual worthlessness of our artistic publicity, and in a manner mark it as the just and rational measure. We should not give that wrong impression to people. Every one of your letters is worth to me gold, and more, but ANSWERS in the proper sense I scarcely ever receive from you, and you treat many of my questions as if they had never been asked. Instead of that you always give me something new; that is splendid, but an answer also would sometimes be useful.
Well, let me hear something good of you soon, and in London let me SEE you. I shall take my work with me, and hope to finish the instrumentation of the "Valkyrie" there.
Adieu, dearest Franz.
How are you? Best remembrances from my wife and many greetings from me to you all.
Your
R. W.
ZURICH, January 19th, 1855.
172.
DEAREST RICHARD,
The London Philharmonic comes in very aptly, and I am delighted. As lately as six months ago people used to shake their heads, and some of them even hissed, at the performance of the "Tannhauser" overture, conducted by Costa. Klindworth and Remeny were almost the only ones who had the courage to applaud and to beard the Philistines who had made their nests of old in the Philharmonic. Well, it will now assume a different tone, and you will revivify old England and the Old Philharmonic. I commend to you Klindworth, a Wagnerian DE LA VEILLE. He is an excellent musician, who formerly acted as conductor at Hanover, and there gave a performance of the "Prophet" at the Tivoli Theatre, of which the newspapers were full some years ago. He is also a splendid pianist, who studied eighteen months with me at Weymar, and you must allow me to send Klindworth a few lines of introduction to you. As far as I know, there is in London no pianist like him; but, on account of his determined and open sympathy with the so-called "music of the future," he has placed himself in a somewhat awkward position towards the Philistines and handicraftsmen there.
I was present at the first performance of "Tannhauser" at Gotha. Capellmeister Lampert had taken much trouble, as had also Beer (Tannhauser), and the performance was, comparatively speaking, very satisfactory. The musical part is better with us, but it is different with the dresses and scenery, which are much more tasteful at Gotha than at Weymar. I have spoken very strongly on that point here; and as my prayers and admonitions in this respect have so far been of little avail, I am determined not to conduct "Tannhauser" and "Lohengrin" again until the necessary improvements in the scenery have been made. This negative measure, which I had kept in reserve, will probably be effective. In the meantime our opera remains in a stagnant condition. Since the last performance of "Tannhduser" (December 10th), I have not been at my desk, neither shall I conduct the festival performance of "Belisario" on February 16th. Nothing can be done till after the confinement of Frau Milde.
APROPOS, what do you think of Meffert, the tenor? Would he be any good to us, and how old is he? Write to me about this.
You accuse me in your last letter of rarely giving you an answer. This alludes, I presume, to two things: Berlin and Dresden. Alas! alas! I cannot report from either place what I should wish and, in spite of all, still hope to report. With wranglings and trifles I do not care to trouble you.
Stop; one thing I forgot to write to you: your "Tristan" is a splendid idea; it may become a glorious work. Do not abandon it.
You were quite right in arranging a new score of your "Faust" overture. If you have succeeded in making the middle part a little more pliable, this work, significant as it was before, must have gained considerably. Be kind enough to have a copy made, and send it me AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. There will probably be some orchestral concerts here, and I should like to give this overture at the end of February.
Hartel is having the scores of Nos. 3 and 4 of my symphonic poems ("Les Preludes" and "Orpheus") engraved. I am as yet uncertain whether I shall publish the nine pieces together or these two numbers (3 and 4) in advance. In any case I shall send you the proofs of "Les Preludes" and "Orpheus" before your departure to London, so that my scribbling may amuse you too. I am sincerely grateful for your friendly proposal of producing something of mine at the Philharmonic, but I think it will be more advisable to leave it till next season (1856). For the present you will have your hands full enough with your own things, and during the first year you ought to play a waiting game. The chief thing for you is to gain firm ground in London, and first of all to impress your conception of Beethoven, Gluck, etc., on the orchestra and the public. At the same time, the people should learn to listen to and understand the "Tannhauser" and "Faust" overtures, and finally to rejoice in and be elevated by the prelude to "Lohengrin." Your plan of conducting next year performances of "Tannhauser," "Lohengrin," and the "Flying Dutchman" with efficient artists is very good. We talked about this at Weymar in the year 1849; and, in my opinion, the enterprise can be made to succeed completely. This year must serve you as a preparation; and when you are once accustomed to London air, it may be expected that you will settle there comfortably. Beware of the theatrical speculators, who will be sure to try and make the best of you, and might be dangerous both to your purse and to your position. Once more, good luck!
Your
F. L.
WEYMAR, January 25th, 1855.
Best remembrances to your wife. For the first year she will, I suppose, remain at Zurich.
Do not keep me waiting too long for a letter, and send me your
"Faust." The Princess and the Child greet you cordially.
I shall send you in a few days an English translation of your three opera poems in manuscript; it may be of use to you in London.
173.
Herewith, dearest Franz, you receive my remodelled "Faust" overture, which will appear very insignificant to you by the side of your "Faust" symphony. To me the composition is interesting only on account of the time from which it dates; this reconstruction has again endeared it to me: and with regard to the latter, I am childish enough to ask you to compare it very carefully with the first version, because I should like you to take cognisance of the effect of my experience and of the more refined feeling I have gained. In my opinion, new versions of this kind show most distinctly the spirit in which one has learned to work and the coarsenesses which one has cast off. You will be better pleased with the middle part. I was of course unable to introduce a new motive, because that would have involved a remodelling of almost the whole work; all I was able to do was to develop the sentiment a little more broadly, in the form of a kind of enlarged cadence. Gretchen of course could not be introduced, only Faust himself:—
"ein unbegreiflich holder Drang, trieb mich durch Wald und Wiesen hin," etc
The copying has unfortunately been done very badly, and probably there are many mistakes in it.
If some one were to PAY ME WELL for it, I might still be inclined to publish it. Will you try the Hartels for me? A little money would be very welcome in London, so that I might the better be able to save something there. Please see to this. All this, however, is only the prelude to your "Faust" symphony, to which I look forward with infinite pleasure. I have nothing further to tell you, except that I have been fool enough to take more trouble about a performance of "Tannhauser" at the local theatre than had been my intention. It will take place tomorrow, and, considering the miserable conditions, will turn out fairly well. But I shall not conduct. Cordial thanks for your pieces of advice, which have my full approval. I intend to appear in London only as a conductor, and to be very tough about my compositions.
The score of the first act of the "Valkyrie" will soon be ready; it is wonderfully beautiful. I have done nothing like it or approaching it before. My complaint that you seldom ANSWER me in the proper sense of the word you have misunderstood. It did not refer to EXTERNAL matters, like Dresden and Berlin, but exclusively to INTERNAL ones, for which I thought I had given you plenty of material.
After having been in Paris together, should we not try to meet in
London also? How can we manage it? And how about the translation?
I am looking forward to it with immense pleasure, and shall use
it for learning English after all. Shall I receive it here?
I start on the 25th. If you find it necessary to write to me at once at London, address to Ferdinand Prager, 31, Milton Street, Dorset Square. I shall stay with him till I have found a convenient lodging. Could you give me an introduction to the London Erard and ask him to put a nice grand piano in my room? I shall be glad to see Klindworth. Farewell for today. Give me another pleasure soon, and remember me at home.
Your
R. W.
174.
Pardon me, dearest Franz, for writing a few lines to ask you a favour. I did not communicate with you before because I waited for the copy of my "Faust" overture to be ready. I expect it in a few days, and shall send it you at once, together with a proper letter. For today only the following:—
The French ambassador is going to give me his vise [i.e. the French term for "visa"] of my passport through France after repeated applications in Paris, but this is subject to all manner of chicanery, which is disgusting to me, and must be got out of the way, so that in future I may be able to pass without difficulty and at any time through and into France. I shall therefore pay a visit to the Minister of the Interior in Paris, and see whether I can succeed in putting a stop to these vexations. It would, no doubt, be very useful if some one of the court of Weimar (no one better than the Grand Duke himself, perhaps through his minister in Paris) could give me an introduction which would make me favourably known to the people there and teach them a little reason. I am prepared to make every necessary promise in return. Do see what you can achieve.
I start in a fortnight; therefore no delay, please.
You will hear in a few days from
Your
R. W.
February 9th, 1855.
175.
DEAREST RICHARD,
The Grand Duke has been in bed for several weeks, and I shall probably not be able to see him for a fortnight. Apart from this, it will not be quite so easy to settle offhand the matter you have entrusted to me, but I promise that I shall not fail to take the proper steps, and I hope to send you satisfactory news within twelve days or a fortnight. Berlioz has been here since Sunday, and is busily engaged conducting rehearsals for the performance of his "Trilogie Sacree" ("L'Enfance du Christ") and his "Symphonic Phantastique," including the second part thereof, which he calls a monodrame lyrique. I send you programme and libretto.
He tells me that he is not going to London till May, and will conduct only two concerts of the New Philharmonic. As a kind of prelude to the Paris "Exposition Universelle", he will perform his Te Deum on the 1st of May in the Church of St. Eustache.
During this week of the year we are generally in a state of great confusion. Six years ago, on the 16th of February, "Tannhauser" was performed for the first time, and on the same date two years ago the "Flying Dutchman;" for today "Belisario" is announced, which at any rate I prefer to the silly "Le Macon," which has been the delight of Dresden and Weymar during the winter. Even some of our friends were simple enough to call this rotten musique de portieres charming and a model of its kind.
The Cologne people have done better than this: they have bravely swallowed "Lohengrin" without choking over it. This has delighted me. From Hamburg also I hear that the public are gradually being educated up to it.
How far have you got with the "Valkyrie?"
Difficult as I find it to part with your "Rhinegold," I promise to send the score to Fischer in a few days. He can send me the pianoforte arrangement later on.
My best remembrances to your wife. I shall soon write again, and also hope to hear from you.
Most thine own, F. LISZT.
WEYMAR, February 16th, 1855.
176.
These lines, most incomparable friend, are intended to introduce to you Carl Klindworth, about whom I have spoken and written to you several times. You will find him an excellent musician and pianist, who is cordially devoted to you, and has not in vain lived several years with me at Weymar. Since last year he has been settled in London, where I cordially commend him to your protection.
Your
F. LISZT.
WEYMAR, February 16th, 1855.
177.
DEAREST, DEAREST LISZT,
Pray let me have the LETTER TO ERARD for which I asked you concerning the piano.
More after the concert.
178.
DEAREST RICHARD,
You have entirely forgotten to let me have your address; and although your fame has reached the point of immortality, it is just possible that the London postmen might have heard nothing of "Tannhauser" and "Lohengrin." Be kind enough therefore to tell me in your next letter the street and the number of the house.
These lines you receive through Klindworth. Enclosed is the letter to the maison Erard, which is represented in London by M. Bruzot. If Erard himself should be there, pay him a visit at once, but I doubt whether he is sufficiently recovered to occupy himself with pianoforte and harp matters. A few months ago my children wrote to me from Paris that Erard was very ill, and, after fruitless trials of baths and medicines, had been taken to a private hospital.
I have not neglected your passport affair, and have induced the Grand Duke and another important person to recommend you specially in Paris. I hope these transactions will not be without result.
The changes you have made in the "Faust" overture are excellent, and the work has decidedly gained by them. I have sent the score to the Hartels. If you are satisfied with an honorarium of twenty louis d'or, write to me simply, "Yes," and the full score and parts will soon be published. To a larger honorarium the Hartels would not agree, but they will make the edition better and handsomer than would any one else, and I should therefore advise you to answer me in the affirmative.
I shall have to work hard for several months to come. The Cardinal Primate of Hungary has set me the task of composing a grand mass for the inauguration of the cathedral of Gran. The ceremony will take place in August at the latest. The Emperor will be present, and I have undertaken to conduct the mass, etc., for which purpose I have to be in Gran (three hours' distance from Pesth) a month before.
This task gives me much pleasure, and I hope to produce an edifying work.
Farewell, dearest Richard, and write soon to
Your
FRANZ.
March 12th, 1855.
The letter to Bruzot is meant for the FIRM of Erard; if he should be absent, give it to the representative of that firm.
Your letter to B. has been forwarded.
179.
Good gracious! here comes your and M.'s dear, dear letter! In my terrible mood, it has quite upset me. You will have heard of my letter containing my disgraceful decision regarding "Tannhauser" in Berlin. In this matter I feel in turns trivial, sublime, and contemptible. The latter mood you have just revived in me, and I am inclined to repent that I have been trivial. But it is almost too late now. By giving up "Tannhauser," and at last even "Lohengrin," to the theatres without reserve, I made such humiliating concessions to the reality of our miserable artistic circumstances that I can scarcely sink much lower. ONCE AGAIN I say, How proud and free was I when I reserved these works to YOU for Weimar; now I am a slave and absolutely powerless. One inconsistency involves another, and I can dull my unpleasant feeling only by being still more proud and contemptuous, in the sense that I look upon "Tannhauser" and "Lohengrin" as altogether done with and no longer belonging to me, and that I keep my NEW CREATIONS all the more sacred for myself and my true friends. This is my only comfort. What I am creating at present shall never see the light except in perfectly congenial surroundings; on this I will in future concentrate all my strength, my pride, and my RESIGNATION. If I die before having produced these works, I shall leave them to you; and if you die without having been able to produce them in a dignified manner, you must burn them: let that be SETTLED.
Klindworth has probably not yet had time to write to you about my first appearance, but he is going to do so.
After the first rehearsal the directors of the "Philharmonic" were so delighted and full of hope that they insisted upon my performing some of my compositions at the very next concert. I had to yield, and chose the pieces from "Lohengrin." As for that purpose they granted me two rehearsals, I also fixed upon the "Ninth Symphony", at which I am pleased, for I should not have given it with one rehearsal. The orchestra, which has taken a great liking to me, is very efficient, and possesses great skill and fairly quick intelligence, but it is quite spoilt as regards expression; there is no PIANO, no NUANCE. It was astonished and delighted at my way of doing things. With two further rehearsals I hope to put it tolerably in order. But then this hope and my intercourse with the orchestra are all that attracts me here; beyond this all, all is indifferent and disgusting to me. The public, however, have distinguished me very much, both in receiving me and even more at the close. Curious to me was the confession of some Mendelssohnians that they had never heard and understood the overture to the "Hebrides" as well as under my direction.
Enough of this.
Many thanks for your introduction to Bruzot; I long for a piano and for my work. To the Grand Duke also I am much indebted.
Let the Hartels have my "Faust" overture by all means. If they could turn the twenty louis d'or into twenty pounds, I should be glad. In any case they ought to send the money here as soon as possible. I do not like to dun the "Philharmonic" for my fee, and therefore want money. The proofs of the score they must also send to me for correction.
The publication of this overture is, no doubt, a weakness on my part, of which you will soon make me thoroughly ashamed by your "FAUST" symphony. When shall I hear something of that? I am afraid my chances of seeing you here have declined, since you write about this "Hungarian" commission. I can imagine how the invitation has pleased you; and I too am pleased and most curious to see your work. But when shall I see something of all this, you reticent person? Do you not feel how I must long for such cordials amongst the trivial surroundings in which I always live? I must confess, however, that I always prefer becoming acquainted with your creations through yourself. In that manner everything is disclosed to me at once that otherwise I have to disclose to myself painfully. This happened to me in the case of your "KUNSTLER", while all that you gave me yourself at the piano at once penetrated me by dint of unconditional and perfect artistic enjoyment.
When shall we see each other, you most amiable and noblest of men?
Most stupidly I was unable at "Paris" to remember the address of your children, nor could I think of "Belloni's" address. By taxing my memory I went half mad. Now, stupid fool that I am, it occurs to me that I need only have gone to "Erard's." In this manner I deprived myself of the pleasure of seeing them once more, which grieves me very much. Please let me have the address for my return journey.
A thousand thanks to dear M. for her beautiful and kind lines. You all appear to me like a family of saints. Ah, we are all holy martyrs; perhaps I shall one day be a real one, but in that case all will be over for me with art—that beautiful delusion, the last and the most sublime, to hide from us the misery of the world.
Farewell, dear, glorious friend.
Remember me cordially at home, and continue to love me.
22, PORTLAND TERRACE, REGENT'S PARK, LONDON.
180
22, PORTLAND TERRACE, REGENT'S PARK, LONDON.
DEAREST FRANZ,
I am in the absurd position of having to demand of you a friendly service of a peculiar kind. I CANNOT delay the Berlin "Tannhauser" affair any longer; my pecuniary position is so unfortunate that I cannot afford to forego the hope of Berlin receipts. Hulsen has applied to me once more, through Alwine Frommann, and, as he says, for the last time. He promises all manner of things; the opera is to be given in the autumn, and the preparations are to begin as early as the spring. I must adopt the "trivial" view of this matter, the same view which unfortunately I am compelled to take of the entire fate of my operas. In spite of D. conducting, "Tannhauser" will probably have the same kind of effect in Berlin which it has had every where else; to connect higher hopes with it seems vain. Let the matter therefore take the only course which apparently is open to it, but I regret very much that you have wasted so much trouble and submitted to so many stupid things in endeavouring to accomplish the condition made by me. We are, as we now see, powerless.
The fate which we must expect is, after all, the COMMON LOT. Our best efforts always appear before the world in a truncated and distorted form. I am going to write to Alwine Frommann that she is to accept Hulsen's offer without further conditions and to tell him that this has been your advice. The truth is that in this manner you will avoid a struggle which, in my opinion, would be fruitless.
Klindworth, for whom I am grateful to you, will probably write to you about my doings in London; I can only say that I do not exactly see what I am here for. The only interesting thing to me is the orchestra, which has taken a great liking to me, and believes in me with enthusiasm. By that means I shall at least be able to have a few good performances, to which the people are quite unaccustomed. All other things, especially public, press, etc., are very indifferent to me. The directors insisted upon my performing some pieces from "Lohengrin" and the Ninth Symphony as early as the second concert, and granted me TWO rehearsals for the purpose.
I am still without a piano. I long to resume my work. WHERE and
WHEN shall I see you again?
Taken all in all, I am VERY, very depressed. I am disgusted with the world.
Adieu. Remember me to all at Altenburg; and if you can, continue to love me. 181
DEAREST RICHARD,
It would have been difficult to make Hartel consent to the change of louis d'or into pounds, and after considering the matter I simply wrote to him that you had left the "Faust" overture to me, and that in your name I accepted the honorarium of twenty louis d'or, asking him at the same time to send you that little sum to London.
We will not let our hair turn grey over the "Tannhauser" affair at Berlin. I anticipated this all along, although, for my part, I could not and did not wish to bring it about. I do not grudge your Berlin friends the satisfaction which this issue of the affair will give them, and hope that many other occasions will turn up on which I shall not be superfluous or inconvenient to you.
The day before yesterday I sent the score of the "Rhinegold" (beautifully bound) to W. Fischer at Dresden.
Has B. finished the pianoforte arrangement? In that case I would ask him to let me have it later on, and at my next visit you will sing and represent the whole to me.
I am hard at work at my Mass, of which the Kyrie and Gloria are already finished.
Apart from this, I have to conduct many rehearsals.
Schumann's "Genoveva" will be performed on April 9th, and will give me another opportunity of studying and conducting an opera, which I have not done for the last four months.
Next Sunday (April 1st) the oratorio "Die Verklarung des Herrn", by Kuhnsted, professor at Eisenach and organist of Wartburg in spe, will be given at the theatre; and on April 2Oth Raff is going to give a concert, at which half a dozen of his larger compositions—amongst others, an orchestral suite, the hundred and twenty-first Psalm, a violin concerto, etc.—will make up the entire programme.
This is the musical news of Weymar, which probably will be of less interest to you than to me. Of my life, my hope, my endurance, I have nothing to say that is cheerful….
Whether the great political event, the death of the Emperor, will have a softening influence on my personal fate, remains questionable. In a few weeks I shall have direct news. Whatever it may turn out to be, I cannot waver or hesitate. To you, dearest Richard, remains cordially and invariably attached
Your F.
I am constantly being asked for introductions to you. Generally I refuse them, but in a few cases I have to yield.
Tell Klindworth he is to write to me about your Philharmonic concerts. His cousin, a very amiable lady, will shortly bring you news of Weymar, where she has been staying several months.
182. DEAR, GREAT MAN,
For a long time I have been wishing to write to you, but had not the courage to do so. Alas! how can I speak to you from my heart? Today a sheet of paper with a red border comes under my hand; so many symbols are comprised in that colour! It is devoted to love, it is the purple of kings, and the image of human blood. It is therefore suited to both of us: to you as the emblem of your sovereign genius, to me as that of an ardent attachment, the flames of which are my happiness and my glory; to both of us as the sign of the wounds which destiny has inflicted on us without touching our souls. Need I tell you how much I should like to see you again, and how sincerely I desire that your sojourn in London will be agreeable to you in one way or another? I can do nothing, nothing, except the best thing of all: to love, to bless, to admire.
Your affection is very dear to us; continue in it; it is the sun of our starless sky.
May God be with you. Our hearts are always yours.
CAROLYNE.
March 27th, 1855.
183.
DEAR FRANZ,
You have punished me in your amiable manner. I reproached myself very much about this Berlin affair; in any case I was too rash, and settled the matter too quickly after my fashion. I ought to have asked you, as you were my plenipotentiary, to cede the opera finally to Hulsen; that would have been better, and you would, no doubt, have undertaken this last transaction to please me. But the whole matter had long ago become so disgusting to me that I lost all energy in connection with it, and felt inclined to finish it as abruptly as possible, so as to hear no more of it. Do not believe that I was brought to this resolution through my "Berlin friends," but exclusively through my pecuniary position, which is accurately known to you, and which has tied my hands as to this point. I was COMPELLED to think of raising money. I have therefore asked for an advance of a hundred louis d'or on account of royalties, and as to the rest have ceded the opera without any conditions. To tell you the truth, everything else in connection with my operas has become a matter of perfect indifference to me. Looking at it carefully, it seems to me that my wish that you should be called to Berlin for the performance of "Tannhauser" has by no means been frustrated thereby. The decision of this matter was never really within the power of the intendant of the theatre. The King alone can suspend the usual order, and HIS decision is quite independent of what the intendant can do on his own authority. It appears to me therefore that our condition was made to an authority which could not have granted it. My giving or not giving the opera to the management was a thing apart; and as regards the invitation to you, this remains a matter which we ought to work with the King direct. Unfortunately it seems that you have little hope of this. What could be done to get some thing out of the King after all? Should I have the impudence to write to him and to try in my own way what seems impossible in any other? The thought of accomplishing my wish after all is the only thing which suddenly places this Berlin affair once more in an interesting light. What do you think of it?
For your news and for the beautiful lines of the dear Princess I am cordially grateful.
Unfortunately I have nothing reasonable to tell you in return. My whole existence here is a perfect anomaly. I am in a strange element and in a thoroughly false position. If at Zurich I conduct symphonies now and then, it is done for the sake of amusement and to please a few friends; to make a vocation of it, in the sense that I am to be judged as an artist by a wholly unsympathetic public and press on these grounds, is simply an absurdity. I sincerely regret that I am here, and shall never in my life come again. Pecuniary success is out of the question; and even if they were to offer me a larger fee for next year, I should probably feel bound to decline it: the misery I have to undergo is too great. This is not MY BUSINESS, and if at my present age, and in the unsettled condition of my health, I cannot at least abide by my business, I would rather not abide at all; I have quite enough to bear without that.
Perfect performances, which in the long run could alone console me, I cannot achieve. The rehearsals are too few, and everything is done in too businesslike a manner. Although the pieces from "Lohengrin" were favourably received, I am sorry that I have given them. My annoyance at being compelled to produce such trifling specimens of my work and to have my whole being judged thereby is too great. I also hate like poison to have to take a single step in order to gain the favour of that wretched pack of journalists. They continue abusing me to their heart's delight, and the only thing that surprises me is that the public have not so far allowed themselves to be misled. In short, I would have nothing to do with these contemptible matters even if I happened to please the people.
Let me finish my "Nibelungen;" that is all I desire. If my noble contemporaries will not help me to that, they may go to the devil, with all their honour and glory. Through London I have got into awful arrears with my work; only yesterday was I able to finish the instrumentation of the first act of the "Valkyie." Body and soul are weighed down as by a load of lead. My chief wish for this year—to begin "Young Siegfried" at once after my return at Seelisberg—I shall have to give up, for it is very unlikely that I shall get beyond the second act of the "Valkyrie" here. Such as I am, I want a soft, clinging element around me, in order to feel gladly inclined for work. This eternal need of self-condensation for the purpose of self-defence supplies me with obstinacy and contempt, but not with the love of expansion and production.
Klindworth has probably written to you; at least he was startled when I recently conveyed your reminder to him. He was ill, and is not doing well here, but how am I to help him? Blackguardism, obstinacy, and religiously nursed stupidity are here protected with iron walls; only a blackguard and a Jew can succeed here.
Upon the whole, you were right in retiring to Weimar; as much solitude as possible, that alone can save us.
The Hartels sent me the bill of exchange yesterday; many thanks.
Cannot B. do the pianoforte arrangement?
He had only just begun the "Rhinegold," when I took the score away from him to send it to you. As soon as the copy at Dresden has been finished, he is to have it for the completion of the pianoforte arrangement; and after that, if you wish it, it is to be sent to you. Shall we see each other this year, perhaps on your return from Hungary? That would be something like it! Perhaps at that time I should have recovered my voice, which here has disappeared entirely.
Farewell, dearest friend. Patience—that is all that remains to us. Remember me to all at Altenburg. Much luck to your mass!
Farewell, dear, dear Franz.
184.
Klindworth has just played your great sonata to me.
We passed the day alone together; he dined with me, and after dinner I made him play. Dearest Franz, you were with me; the sonata is beautiful beyond anything, grand and sweet, deep and noble, sublime as you are yourself. It moved me most deeply, and the London misery was forgotten all at once. More I cannot say, not just after having heard it, but of what I say I am as full as man can be. Once more, you were with me! Ah, could you soon be with me wholly and bodily, then we might support life beautifully.
Klindworth astonished me by his playing; no lesser man could have ventured to play your work to me for the first time. He is worthy of you. Surely, surely, it was beautiful.
Good-night. Many thanks for this pleasure vouchsafed to me at last.
Your
R. W.
LONDON, April 5th, 8:30 evening.
185.
DEAREST RICHARD,
I had nothing to tell you that was pleasant or important, and therefore did not write to you for a long time. During these last weeks I have spun myself into my mass, and yesterday at last I got it done. I do not know how it will sound, but may say that I have PRAYED it rather than COMPOSED it. On my return from Hungary in September, I shall bring you the mass and my symphonic bubbles and troubles, half of which will by that time be in print. If my scores should bore you, that will not prevent me from deriving sweetest enjoyment from your creations, and you must not refuse me the favour of singing the whole "Rhinegold" and "Valkyrie" to me. In the meanwhile all other musical things appear to me "stupid stuff."
How do you feel in London?
Troublesome though it may be, one must try to bear the inevitable and immutable; to take pleasure in it would be a lie.
The English edition of Philistinism is not a whit pleasanter than the German, and the chasm between the public and ourselves is equally wide everywhere.
How, in our wretched conditions, could enthusiasm, love, and art have their true effect?
"Patience and resignation" is our device, and to it we sing
[Here, Liszt illustrates with a music score excerpt]
Pardon me for being your hollow echo, and let us endure what cannot be cured.
I am very grateful to you for being so kind to Klindworth. In a few days his cousin will come to London and bring you news of me, as she has spent the whole winter at Weymar. Your letter about the sonata has highly delighted me, and you must excuse me for not having thanked you at once. You are often so near to me that I almost forget writing to you, and I am seldom at the right temperature for correspondence. Well, in September I shall be with you; and (D.V.) we will have some bright, comforting days together.
Your
F. L.
WEYMAR, May 2nd, 1855.
186.
DEAR POET, DEAR FRIEND,
Our hearts are with you, and suffer with you; that you know, and cannot be ignorant of.
Let us hear from you soon, and forgive me if, in the midst of the preoccupations of your heart and of your grief, I ask you for a trifle; but it will cost you so little to grant it me, and you will give such great, such very great, pleasure by it. It is the fate of poets and women sometimes to give what they have not themselves—I mean happiness. Take a piece of paper and write on it the following verses, which, as you know, appear to me written with the purest blood of my veins:-
"Nicht Gut, nicht Gold, noch gottliche Pracht; nicht Haus, nicht Hof, nicht herrischer Prunk, nicht truber Vertrage trugender Bund, noch heuchelnder Sitte hartes Gesetz: selig in Lust und Leid lasst—die Liebe nur sein!—" Sign this with your name, your great name, enclose it in an envelope, address it to me, and put it in the post. Forgive me for asking you this small thing—small in its material aspect, but great as the world in its significance.
I press your two hands with mine, dear, dear, great man.
CAROLYNE.
May 7th, 1855.
187.
Cordial thanks, dearest Franz, for your kind note, which I had been expecting a long time. The hope which you open to me of seeing you in September is my only light in the night of this sad year. I live here like one of the lost souls in hell. I never thought that I could sink again so low. The misery I feel in having to live in these disgusting surroundings is beyond description, and I now realise that it was a sin, a crime, to accept this invitation to London, which in the luckiest case must have led me far away from my real path. I need not expatiate to you upon my actual situation. It is the consistent outgrowth of the greatest inconsistency I ever committed. I am compelled to conduct an English concert programme right down to the end; that says everything. I have got into the middle of a slough of conventionalities and customs, in which I stick up to the ears, without being able to lead into it the least drop of pure water for my recreation. "Sir, we are not accustomed to this"—that is the eternal echo I hear. Neither can the orchestra recompense me. It consists almost exclusively of Englishmen, that is clever machines which cannot be got into the right swing; handicraft and business kill everything. Then there is the public, which, I am assured, is very favourably inclined towards me, but can never be got out of itself, which accepts the most emotional and the most tedious things without ever showing that it has received a real impression. And, in addition to this, the ridiculous Mendelssohn worship!
And even if all this were better than it is, what business have I with such concerts? I am not fit for them. It is quite a different thing if I conduct one of Beethoven's symphonies before a few friends, but to be a regular concert conductor, before whom they place the scores of concert pieces, etc., so that he may beat the time to them—that, I feel, is the deepest disgrace. This thoroughly inappropriate character of my position led me to the resolution of sending in my resignation after the fourth concert. But of course I was talked out of it, and especially my regard for my wife, who would have heard of this sudden resignation and of all that would have been written about it with great grief, determined me to hold out till the last concert. The infernal torture this is to me I cannot express. All my pleasure in my work is disappearing more and more. I had made up my mind to finish the score of the "Valkyrie" during the four months here, but that is out of the question. I shall not even finish the second act, in so terribly dispiriting a manner does this false position act upon me. In July I wanted to begin "Young Siegfried" at Seelisberg, on the lake of Lucerne, but now I think of delaying that beginning till next spring. This dislike of work is the worst feature of all. I feel as if with it eternal night were closing around me, for what have I still to do in this world if I cannot do my work?
Through this hell my study of Dante, to which I could not settle down before, has accompanied me. I have passed through his Inferno, and am now at the gate of Purgatory. Really I am in need of this purgatory; for if I consider it rightly, I was brought to London by a really sinful degree of thoughtlessness, which now I have to repent with fervour. I must, I must be resigned; my experience long ago convinced me of the necessity of resignation in the widest sense of the word, and I must now subdue altogether this terrible, wild desire of life, which again and again dims my vision and throws me into a chaos of contradictions. I must hope that I may at some future time rise from purgatory to paradise; the fresh air of my Seelisberg will perhaps help me to this. I do not deny that I should like to meet Beatrice there.
In all other respects things are going badly and crookedly. Poor Klindworth has been ill all along, and the fact that I could undertake nothing with him has deprived me of a great pleasure. He is better now, but not yet allowed to take a walk with me. Besides him, my intercourse is limited to Sainton, the leader of the orchestra, who caused my ill-fated appointment here, and a certain Luders, who lives with him. Both are ardently devoted to me, and do all in their power to make my stay here pleasant. Apart from this, I frequently go to Prager. Quite recently a Mr. Ellerton, a rich amateur, approached me very cordially. He has heard my operas in Germany, and my portrait has been hanging in his room for two years. He is the first Englishman I have seen who does not care particularly for Mendelssohn. A fine, amiable mind.
Klindworth has made the pianoforte arrangement of the first act of the "Valkyrie," which he plays beautifully. Unfortunately I have lost my voice entirely, and can sing very little, so that I am afraid I shall not be able to be of much service to you in that way.
You will have to do all the work next September. You owe me a great debt, you reticent man. If I look forward to anything in the future as pure happiness, it is my becoming acquainted through your means with your new compositions. Do not forget to bring me every one of them. I congratulate you on your mass from the bottom of my heart. Let us hope that you will derive much pleasure from it at Gran.
And how is the Princess? Joyful and sorrowful? Does she still preserve her bright enthusiasm? And Beatrice—I mean the Child? Greet her for me a thousand times.
Farewell, dearest, most unique of friends. Believe me that the thought of you is an ever-new delight to my heart. Be thanked for your love!
Farewell.
Your
R. W.
LONDON, May 16th, 1855.
188.