A THOUGHTLESS SAMARITAN
Professor Johnson, the antiquary, returning meditatively from a learned discourse, came upon the recumbent body of a man in front of a house. Being a Samaritan he proffered his services, and discovered that the man lived on the first floor. Thither he piloted him and opening a door pushed him gently in. Reaching again the ground floor another human being confronted him and he also needed help to the first floor. But when our Professor found yet another fellow-creature in distress his curiosity was aroused and he said:
"It is strange that there should be three men needing help to the first floor of the same house."
"Not so strange, mister," replied the prone figure, "seeing as 'ow you've dropped me down the lift 'ole twice."
CHAPS
A pretty girl was complaining to a young Quaker that she was dreadfully troubled by chaps on her lips. "Friend Mary!" replied the Quaker, "thou shouldst not permit the chaps to come so near the lips."