Every Man in His Humour

   ACT III.  SCENE IV.

   ENTER GIULIANO, WITH BIANCHA.

   GIU.  Well, sister, I tell you true: and you'll find
   it so in the end.

   BIA.  Alas, brother, what would you have me to do?
   I cannot help it; you see, my brother Prospero he brings
   them in here, they are his friends.

   GIU.  His friends? his friends? 'sblood, they do nothing
   but haunt him up and down like a sort of unlucky sprites,
   and tempt him to all manner of villainy that can be thought
   of; well, by this light, a little thing would make me play
   the devil with some of them; an't were not more for your
   husband's sake than any thing else, I'd make the house too
   hot for them; they should say and swear, hell were broken
   loose, ere they went.  But by God's bread, 'tis nobody's
   fault but yours; for an you had done as you might have done,
   they should have been damn'd ere they should have come
   in, e'er a one of them.

   BIA.  God's my life; did you ever hear the like? what a
   strange man is this! could I keep out all them, think you?
   I should put myself against half a dozen men, should I?
   Good faith, you'd mad the patient'st body in the world,
   to hear you talk so, without any sense or reason.

   [ENTER MATHEO WITH HESPERIDA, BOBADILLA, STEPHANO,
   LORENZO JUNIOR, PROSPERO, MUSCO.]

   HESP.  Servant, (in troth) you are too prodigal of your
   wits' treasure, thus to pour it forth upon so mean a
   subject as my worth.

   MAT.  You say well, you say well.

   GIU.  Hoyday, here is stuff.

   LOR. JU.  Oh now stand close; pray God she can get
   him to read it.

   PROS.  Tut, fear not: I warrant thee he will do it of
   himself with much impudency.

   HES.  Servant, what is that same, I pray you?

   MAT.  Marry, an Elegy, an Elegy, an odd toy.

   GIU.  Ay, to mock an ape withal.  O Jesu.

   BIA.  Sister, I pray you let's hear it.

   MAT.  Mistress, I'll read it, if you please.

   HES.  I pray you do, servant.

   GIU.  Oh, here's no foppery.  'Sblood, it frets me to the
   gall to think on it.

   [EXIT.]

   PROS.  Oh ay, it is his condition, peace: we are fairly
   rid of him.

   MAT.  Faith, I did it in an humour: I know not how it is,
   but please you come near, signior: this gentleman hath
   judgment, he knows how to censure of a — I pray you, sir,
   you can judge.

   STEP.  Not I, sir: as I have a soul to be saved, as I am a
   gentleman.

   LOR. JU.  Nay, it's well; so long as he doth not forswear
   himself.

   BOB.  Signior, you abuse the excellency of your mistress and
   her fair sister.  Fie, while you live avoid this prolixity.

   MAT.  I shall, sir; well, incipere dulce.

   LOR. JU.  How, incipere dulce? a sweet thing to be a fool
   indeed.

   PROS.  What, do you take incipere in that sense?

   LOR. JU.  You do not, you?  'Sblood, this was your villainy
   to gull him with a motte.

   PROS.  Oh, the benchers' phrase: pauca verba, pauca verba.

   MAT.  "Rare creature, let me speak without offence,
   Would God my rude words had the influence
   To rule thy thoughts, as thy fair looks do mine,
   Then shouldst thou be his prisoner, who is thine."

   LOR. JU.  'Sheart, this is in Hero and Leander!

   PROS.  Oh ay: peace, we shall have more of this.

   MAT.  "Be not unkind and fair: misshapen stuff
   Is of behaviour boisterous and rough":
   How like you that, Signior? 'sblood, he shakes his head
   like a bottle, to feel an there be any brain in it.

   MAT.  But observe the catastrophe now,
   "And I in duty will exceed all other,
   As you in beauty do excel love's mother."

   LOR. JU.  Well, I'll have him free of the brokers, for
   he utters nothing but stolen remnants.

   PROS.  Nay, good critic, forbear.

   LOR. JU.  A pox on him, hang him, filching rogue, steal
   from the dead? it's worse than sacrilege.

   PROS.  Sister, what have you here? verses?  I pray you
   let's see.

   BIA.  Do you let them go so lightly, sister?

   HES.  Yes, faith, when they come lightly.

   BIA.  Ay, but if your servant should hear you, he would
   take it heavily.

   HES.  No matter, he is able to bear.

   BIA.  So are asses.

   HES.  So is he.

   PROS.  Signior Matheo, who made these verses? they are
   excellent good.

   MAT.  O God, sir, it's your pleasure to say so, sir.
   Faith, I made them extempore this morning.

   PROS.  How extempore?

   MAT.  Ay, would I might be damn'd else; ask Signior Bobadilla.
   He saw me write them, at the — (pox on it) the Mitre yonder.

   MUS.  Well, an the Pope knew he cursed the Mitre it were
   enough to have him excommunicated all the taverns in the town.

   STEP.  Cousin, how do you like this gentleman's verses?

   LOR. JU.  Oh, admirable, the best that ever I heard.

   STEP.  By this fair heavens, they are admirable,
   The best that ever I heard.

   [ENTER GIULIANO.]

   GIU.  I am vext I can hold never a bone of me still,
   'Sblood, I think they mean to build a Tabernacle here, well?

   PROS.  Sister, you have a simple servant here, that crowns
   your beauty with such encomiums and devices, you may see what
   it is to be the mistress of a wit that can make your
   perfections so transparent, that every blear eye may look
   through them, and see him drowned over head and ears in the
   deep well of desire.  Sister Biancha, I marvel you get you
   not a servant that can rhyme and do tricks too.

   GIU.  O monster! impudence itself! tricks!

   BIA.  Tricks, brother? what tricks?

   HES.  Nay, speak, I pray you, what tricks?

   BIA.  Ay, never spare any body here: but say, what tricks?

   HES.  Passion of my heart! do tricks?

   PROS.  'Sblood, here's a trick vied, and revied: why, you
   monkeys, you! what a cater-wauling do you keep! has he not
   given you rhymes, and verses, and tricks?

   GIU.  Oh, see the devil!

   PROS.  Nay, you lamp of virginity, that take it in snuff so:
   come and cherish this tame poetical fury in your servant,
   you'll be begg'd else shortly for a concealment: go to,
   reward his muse, you cannot give him less than a shilling in
   conscience, for the book he had it out of cost him a teston
   at the least.  How now gallants, Lorenzo, Signior Bobadilla!
   what, all sons of silence? no spirit.

   GIU.  Come, you might practise your ruffian tricks somewhere
   else, and not here, I wiss: this is no tavern, nor no place
   for such exploits.

   PROS.  'Sheart, how now!

   GIU.  Nay, boy, never look askance at me for the matter;
   I'll tell you of it, by God's bread, ay, and you and your
   companions mend yourselves when I have done.

   PROS.  My companions?

   GIU.  Ay, your companions, sir, so I say!  'Sblood, I am not
   afraid of you nor them neither, you must have your poets,
   and your cavaliers, and your fools follow you up and down
   the city, and here they must come to domineer and swagger?
   sirrah, you ballad-singer, and slops, your fellow there,
   get you out; get you out: or (by the will of God) I'll cut
   off your ears, go to.

   PROS.  'Sblood, stay, let's see what he dare do: cut off his
   ears; you are an ass, touch any man here, and by the Lord
   I'll run my rapier to the hilts in thee.

   GIU.  Yea, that would I fain see, boy.

   BIA.  O Jesu!  Piso!  Matheo! murder!

   HES.  Help, help, Piso!

   [THEY ALL DRAW, ENTER PISO AND SOME MORE OF THE HOUSE
   TO PART THEM, THE WOMEN MAKE A GREAT CRY.]

   LOR. JU.  Gentlemen, Prospero, forbear, I pray you.

   BOB.  Well, sirrah, you Holofernes: by my hand, I will pink
   thy flesh full of holes with my rapier for this, I will, by
   this good heaven: nay, let him come, let him come,
   gentlemen, by the body of St. George, I'll not kill him.

   [THEY OFFER TO FIGHT AGAIN, AND ARE PARTED.]

   PIS.  Hold, hold, forbear.

   GIU.  You whoreson, bragging coistril.

   [ENTER THORELLO.]

   THO.  Why, how now? what's the matter? what stir is here?
   Whence springs this quarrel?  Piso, where is he?
   Put up your weapons, and put off this rage.
   My wife and sister, they are cause of this.
   What, Piso? where is this knave?

   PIS.  Here, sir.

   PROS.  Come, let's go: this is one of my brother's ancient
   humours, this.

   STEP.  I am glad nobody was hurt by this ancient humour.

   [EXIT PROSPERO, LORENZO JU., MUSCO, STEPHANO, BOBADILLA,
   MATHEO.]

   THO.  Why, how now, brother, who enforced this brawl?

   GIU.  A sort of lewd rake-hells, that care neither for God
   nor the devil. And they must come here to read ballads and
   roguery, and trash.  I'll mar the knot of them ere I sleep,
   perhaps; especially Signior Pithagoras, he that's all
   manner of shapes: and songs and sonnets, his fellow there.

   HES.  Brother, indeed you are too violent,
   Too sudden in your courses, and you know
   My brother Prospero's temper will not bear
   Any reproof, chiefly in such a presence,
   Where every slight disgrace he should receive,
   Would wound him in opinion and respect.

   GIU.  Respect? what talk you of respect 'mongst such
   As had neither spark of manhood nor good manners?
   By God I am ashamed to hear you: respect?

   [EXIT.]

   HES.  Yes, there was one a civil gentleman,
   And very worthily demeaned himself.

   THO.  Oh, that was some love of yours, sister.

   HES.  A love of mine? i'faith, I would he were
   No other's love but mine.

   BIA.  Indeed, he seem'd to be a gentleman of an exceeding
   fair disposition, and of very excellent good parts.

   [EXIT HESPERIDA, BIANCHA.]

   THO.  Her love, by Jesu: my wife's minion,
   Fair disposition? excellent good parts?
   'Sheart, these phrases are intolerable,
   Good parts? how should she know his parts? well, well,
   It is too plain, too clear: Piso, come hither.
   What, are they gone?

   PIS.  Ay, sir, they went in.

   THO.  Are any of the gallants within?

   PIS.  No sir, they are all gone.

   THO.  Art thou sure of it?

   PIS.  Ay, sir, I can assure you.

   THO.  Piso, what gentleman was that they praised so?

   PISO.  One they call him Signior Lorenzo, a fair young
   gentleman, sir.

   THO.  Ay, I thought so: my mind gave me as much:
   'Sblood, I'll be hang'd if they have not hid him in the house,
   Some where, I'll go search, Piso, go with me,
   Be true to me and thou shalt find me bountiful.

   [EXEUNT.]

   ACT III.  SCENE V.

   ENTER COB, TO HIM TIB.

   COB.  What, Tib, Tib, I say.

   TIB.  How now, what cuckold is that knocks so hard?
   Oh, husband, is't you? What's the news?

   COB.  Nay, you have stunn'd me, i'faith; you have given me
   a knock on the forehead will stick by me: cuckold?
   'Swounds, cuckold?

   TIB.  Away, you fool, did I know it was you that knock'd?
   Come, come, you may call me as bad when you list.

   COB.  May I? 'swounds, Tib, you are a whore.

   TIB.  'Sheart, you lie in your throat.

   COB.  How, the lie? and in my throat too? do you long to
   be stabb'd, ha?

   TIB.  Why, you are no soldier?

   COB.  Mass, that's true, when was Bobadilla here? that
   rogue, that slave, that fencing Burgullion?  I'll tickle
   him, i'faith.

   TIB.  Why, what's the matter?

   COB.  Oh, he hath basted me rarely, sumptuously: but I have
   it here will sauce him, oh, the doctor, the honestest old
   Trojan in all Italy, I do honour the very flea of his dog:
   a plague on him, he put me once in a villainous filthy fear:
   marry, it vanish'd away like the smoke of tobacco: but I was
   smok'd soundly first, I thank the devil, and his good angel
   my guest: well, wife, or Tib, (which you will) get you in,
   and lock the door, I charge you; let nobody into you, not
   Bobadilla himself, nor the devil in his likeness; you are a
   woman; you have flesh and blood enough in you; therefore be
   not tempted; keep the door shut upon all comers.

   TIB.  I warrant you there shall nobody enter here without my
   consent.

   COB.  Nor with your consent, sweet Tib, and so I leave you.

   TIB.  It's more than you know, whether you leave me so.

   COB.  How?

   TIB.  Why, sweet.

   COB.  Tut, sweet or sour, thou art a flower.
   Keep close thy door, I ask no more.

   [EXEUNT.]

   ACT III.  SCENE VI.

   ENTER LORENZO JUN., PROSPERO, STEPHANO, MUSCO.

   LOR JU.  Well, Musco, perform this business happily,
   And thou makest a conquest of my love for ever.

   PROS.  I'faith, now let thy spirits put on their best habit,
   But at any hand remember thy message to my brother,
   For there's no other means to start him.

   MUS.  I warrant you, sir, fear nothing; I have a nimble soul
   that hath waked all my imaginative forces by this time, and
   put them in true motion: what you have possest me withal,
   I'll discharge it amply, sir.  Make no question.

   [EXIT MUSCO.]

   PROS.  That's well said, Musco: faith, sirrah, how dost thou
   approve my wit in this device?

   LOR JU.  Troth, well, howsoever; but excellent if it take.

   PROS.  Take, man: why, it cannot choose but take, if the
   circumstances miscarry not, but tell me zealously: dost thou
   affect my sister Hesperida, as thou pretendest?

   LOR JU.  Prospero, by Jesu.

   PROS.  Come, do not protest, I believe thee: i'faith, she is
   a virgin of good ornament, and much modesty, unless I
   conceived very worthily of her, thou shouldest not have her.

   LOR JU.  Nay, I think it a question whether I shall have her
   for all that.

   PROS.  'Sblood, thou shalt have her, by this light, thou shalt!

   LOR JU.  Nay, do not swear.

   PROS.  By St. Mark, thou shalt have her: I'll go fetch her
   presently, 'point but where to meet, and by this hand,
   I'll bring her!

   LOR JU.  Hold, hold, what, all policy dead? no prevention of
   mischiefs stirring.

   PROS.  Why, by — what shall I swear by? thou shalt have her,
   by my soul.

   LOR. JU.  I pray thee have patience, I am satisfied: Prospero,
   omit no offered occasion that may make my desires complete, I
   beseech thee.

   PROS.  I warrant thee.

   [EXEUNT.]

   SCENE I.

   ENTER LORENZO SEN., PETO, MEETING MUSCO.

   PETO.  Was your man a soldier, sir?

   LOR. SE.  Ay, a knave, I took him up begging upon the way,
   This morning as I was coming to the city.
   Oh! here he is; come on, you make fair speed:
   Why, where in God's name have you been so long?

   MUS.  Marry, (God's my comfort) where I thought I should
   have had little comfort of your worship's service.

   LOR. SE.  How so?

   MUS.  O God, sir! your coming to the city, and your
   entertainment of men, and your sending me to watch;
   indeed, all the circumstances are as open to your son as
   to yourself.

   LOR. SE.  How should that be?  Unless that villain Musco
   Have told him of the letter, and discovered
   All that I strictly charged him to conceal? 'tis so.

   MUS.  I'faith, you have hit it: 'tis so indeed.

   LOR. SE.  But how should he know thee to be my man?

   MUS.  Nay, sir, I cannot tell; unless it were by the
   black art? is not your son a scholar, sir?

   LOR. SE.  Yes; but I hope his soul is not allied
   To such a devilish practice: if it were,
   I had just cause to weep my part in him.
   And curse the time of his creation.
   But where didst thou find them, Portensio?

   MUS.  Nay, sir, rather you should ask where they found me?
   for I'll be sworn I was going along in the street,
   thinking nothing, when (of a sudden) one calls, "Signior
   Lorenzo's man": another, he cries "soldier": and thus half
   a dozen of them, till they had got me within doors, where
   I no sooner came, but out flies their rapiers and all bent
   against my breast, they swore some two or three hundred
   oaths, and all to tell me I was but a dead man, if I did
   not confess where you were, and how I was employed, and
   about what; which, when they could not get out of me, (as
   God's my judge, they should have kill'd me first,) they
   lock'd me up into a room in the top of a house, where, by
   great miracle, (having a light heart) I slid down by a
   bottom of packthread into the street, and so scaped: but,
   master, thus much I can assure you, for I heard it while I
   was lock'd up: there were a great many merchants and rich
   citizens' wives with them at a banquet, and your son,
   Signior Lorenzo, has 'pointed one of them to meet anon at
   one Cob's house, a water-bearer's, that dwells by the wall:
   now there you shall be sure to take him: for fail he will not.

   LOR. SE.  Nor will I fail to break this match, I doubt not;
   Well, go thou along with master Doctor's man,
   And stay there for me; at one Cob's house, say'st thou?

   [EXIT.]

   MUS.  Ay, sir, there you shall have him: when can you tell?
   Much wench, or much son: 'sblood, when he has stay'd there
   three or four hours, travelling with the expectation of
   somewhat; and at the length be delivered of nothing: oh,
   the sport that I should then take to look on him if I durst;
   but now I mean to appear no more afore him in this shape:
   I have another trick to act yet; oh, that I were so happy
   as to light upon an ounce now of this Doctor's clerk:
   God save you, sir.

   PETO.  I thank you, good sir.

   MUS.  I have made you stay somewhat long, sir.

   PETO.  Not a whit, sir, I pray you what, sir, do you mean?
   you have been lately in the wars, sir, it seems.

   MUS.  Ay, marry have I, sir.

   PETO.  Troth, sir, I would be glad to bestow a bottle of
   wine on you, if it please you to accept it.

   MUS.  O Lord, sir.

   PETO.  But to hear the manner of your services, and your
   devices in the wars, they say they be very strange, and
   not like those a man reads in the Roman histories.

   MUS.  O God, no, sir, why, at any time when it please you,
   I shall be ready to discourse to you what I know: and more
   too somewhat.

   PETO.  No better time than now, sir, we'll go to the
   Mermaid: there we shall have a cup of neat wine,
   I pray you, sir, let me request you.

   MUS.  I'll follow you, sir, he is mine own, i'faith.

   [EXEUNT.]

   ENTER BOBADILLA, LORENZO JUN., MATHEO, STEPHANO.

   MAT.  Signior, did you ever see the like clown of him where
   we were to-day: Signior Prospero's brother?
   I think the whole earth cannot shew his like, by Jesu.

   LOR. JU.  We were now speaking of him, Signior Bobadillo
   tells me he is fallen foul of you too.

   MAT.  Oh ay, sir, he threatened me with the bastinado.

   BOB.  Ay, but I think I taught you a trick this morning for
   that.  You shall kill him without all question, if you be
   so minded.

   MAT.  Indeed, it is a most excellent trick.

   BOB.  Oh, you do not give spirit enough to your motion; you
   are too dull, too tardy: oh, it must be done like lightning,
   hay!

   MAT.  Oh, rare.

   BOB.  Tut, 'tis nothing an't be not done in a —

   LOR. JU.  Signior, did you never play with any of our
   masters here?

   MAT.  Oh, good sir.

   BOB.  Nay, for a more instance of their preposterous humour,
   there came three or four of them to me, at a gentleman's house,
   where it was my chance to be resident at that time, to intreat
   my presence at their schools, and withal so much importuned me,
   that (I protest to you as I am a gentleman) I was ashamed of
   their rude demeanour out of all measure: well, I told them
   that to come to a public school they should pardon me, it was
   opposite to my humour, but if so they would attend me at my
   lodging, I protested to do them what right or favour I could,
   as I was a gentleman, etc.

   LOR. JU.  So sir, then you tried their skill.

   BOB.  Alas, soon tried: you shall hear, sir, within two
   or three days after they came, and by Jesu, good Signior,
   believe me, I graced them exceedingly, shewed them some
   two or three tricks of prevention hath got them since
   admirable credit, they cannot deny this; and yet now
   they hate me, and why? because I am excellent, and for
   no other reason on the earth.

   LOR. JU.  This is strange and vile as ever I heard.

   BOB.  I will tell you, sir, upon my first coming to the city,
   they assaulted me some three, four, five, six of them
   together, as I have walk'd alone in divers places of the
   city; as upon the Exchange, at my lodging, and at my
   ordinary, where I have driven them afore me the whole length
   of a street, in the open view of all our gallants, pitying
   to hurt them, believe me; yet all this lenity will not
   depress their spleen; they will be doing with the pismire,
   raising a hill a man may spurn abroad with his foot at
   pleasure: by my soul, I could have slain them all, but I
   delight not in murder: I am loth to bear any other but a
   bastinado for them, and yet I hold it good policy not to go
   disarm'd, for though I be skilful, I may be suppressed with
   multitudes.

   LOR. JU.  Ay, by Jesu, may you, sir, and (in my conceit) our
   whole nation should sustain the loss by it, if it were so.

   BOB.  Alas, no: what's a peculiar man to a nation? not seen.

   LOR. JU.  Ay, but your skill, sir.

   BOB.  Indeed, that might be some loss, but who respects it?
   I will tell you, Signior, (in private) I am a gentleman,
   and live here obscure, and to myself; but were I known to
   the Duke (observe me) I would undertake (upon my head and
   life) for the public benefit of the state, not only to
   spare the entire lives of his subjects in general, but to
   save the one half, nay, three parts of his yearly charges,
   in holding wars generally against all his enemies; and how
   will I do it, think you?

   LOR. JU.  Nay, I know not, nor can I conceive.

   BOB.  Marry, thus, I would select nineteen more to myself,
   throughout the land, gentlemen they should be of good spirit;
   strong and able constitution, I would choose them by an
   instinct, a trick that I have, and I would teach these
   nineteen the special tricks, as your punto, your reverso,
   your stoccato, your imbroccato, your passado, your montanto,
   till they could all play very near or altogether as well as
   myself.  This done, say the enemy were forty thousand strong:
   we twenty would come into the field the tenth of March, or
   thereabouts, and would challenge twenty of the enemy; they
   could not in their honour refuse the combat: well, we would
   kill them: challenge twenty more, kill them; twenty more,
   kill them; twenty more, kill them too; and thus would we kill
   every man his twenty a day, that's twenty score; twenty
   score, that's two hundred; two hundred a day, five days a
   thousand: forty thousand; forty times five, five times forty,
   two hundred days kills them all, by computation, and this
   will I venture my life to perform: provided there be no
   treason practised upon us.

   LOR. JU.  Why, are you so sure of your hand at all times?

   BOB.  Tut, never mistrust, upon my soul.

   LOR. JU.  Mass, I would not stand in Signior Giuliano's state,
   then, an you meet him, for the wealth of Florence.

   BOB.  Why Signior, by Jesu, if he were here now, I would not
   draw my weapon on him, let this gentleman do his mind, but I
   will bastinado him (by heaven) an ever I meet him.

   [ENTER GIULIANO AND GOES OUT AGAIN.]

   MAT.  Faith, and I'll have a fling at him.

   LOR. JU.  Look, yonder he goes, I think.

   GIU.  'Sblood, what luck have I, I cannot meet with these
   bragging rascals.

   BOB.  It's not he: is it?

   LOR. JU.  Yes, faith, it is he.

   MAT.  I'll be hang'd then if that were he.

   LOR. JU.  Before God, it was he: you make me swear.

   STEP.  Upon my salvation, it was he.

   BOB.  Well, had I thought it had been he, he could not have
   gone so, but I cannot be induced to believe it was he yet.

   [ENTER GIU.]

   GIU.  Oh, gallant, have I found you? draw to your tools;
   draw, or by God's will I'll thrash you.

   BOB.  Signior, hear me.

   GIU.  Draw your weapons then.

   BOB.  Signior, I never thought it till now: body of St.
   George, I have a warrant of the peace served on me even
   now, as I came along, by a water-bearer, this gentleman
   saw it, Signior Matheo.

   GIU.  The peace!  'Sblood, you will not draw?

   [MATHEO RUNS AWAY.  HE BEATS HIM AND DISARMS HIM.]

   LOR. JU.  Hold, Signior, hold, under thy favour forbear.

   GIU.  Prate again as you like this, you whoreson cowardly
   rascal, you'll control the point, you? your consort he is
   gone; had he staid he had shared with you, in faith.

   [EXIT GIULIANO.]

   BOB.  Well, gentlemen, bear witness, I was bound to the
   peace, by Jesu.

   LOR. JU.  Why, and though you were, sir, the law allows
   you to defend yourself; that's but a poor excuse.

   BOB.  I cannot tell; I never sustained the like disgrace
   (by heaven); sure I was struck with a planet then, for I
   had no power to touch my weapon.

   [EXIT.]

   LOR. JU.  Ay, like enough; I have heard of many that have
   been beaten under a planet; go, get you to the surgeon's,
   'sblood, an these be your tricks, your passados, and your
   montantos, I'll none of them: O God, that this age should
   bring forth such creatures! come, cousin.

   STEP.  Mass, I'll have this cloak.

   LOR. JU.  God's will: it's Giuliano's.

   STEP.  Nay, but 'tis mine now, another might have ta'en it
   up as well as I, I'll wear it, so I will.

   LOR. JU.  How an he see it? he'll challenge it, assure yourself.

   STEP.  Ay, but he shall not have it; I'll say I bought it.

   LOR. JU.  Advise you, cousin, take heed he give not you as much.

   [EXEUNT.]

   ENTER THORELLO, PROSPERO, BIANCHA, HESPERIDA.

   THO.  Now trust me, Prospero, you were much to blame,
   T' incense your brother and disturb the peace
   Of my poor house, for there be sentinels,
   That every minute watch to give alarms
   Of civil war, without adjection
   Of your assistance and occasion.

   PROS.  No harm done, brother, I warrant you: since there is no
   harm done, anger costs a man nothing: and a tall man is never his
   own man till he be angry, to keep his valour in obscurity, is to
   keep himself as it were in a cloak-bag: what's a musician unless
   he play? what's a tall man unless he fight? for indeed, all this
   my brother stands upon absolutely, and that made me fall in
   with him so resolutely.

   BIA.  Ay, but what harm might have come of it?

   PROS.  Might? so might the good warm clothes your husband
   wears be poison'd for any thing he knows, or the wholesome
   wine he drunk even now at the table.

   THO.  Now, God forbid: O me! now I remember,
   My wife drunk to me last; and changed the cup,
   And bade me wear this cursed suit to-day,
   See if God suffer murder undiscover'd!
   I feel me ill; give me some mithridate,
   Some mithridate and oil; good sister, fetch me,
   Oh, I am sick at heart: I burn, I burn;
   If you will save my life, go fetch it me.

   PROS.  Oh, strange humour, my very breath hath poison'd him.

   HES.  Good brother, be content, what do you mean?
   The strength of these extreme conceits will kill you.

   BIA.  Beshrew your heart-blood, brother Prospero,
   For putting such a toy into his head.

   PROS.  Is a fit simile a toy? will he be poison'd with a simile?
   Brother Thorello, what a strange and vain imagination is this?
   For shame be wiser, on my soul there's no such matter.

   THO.  Am I not sick? how am I then not poison'd?
   Am I not poison'd? how am I then so sick?

   BIA.  If you be sick, your own thoughts make you sick.

   PROS.  His jealousy is the poison he hath taken.

   [ENTER MUSCO LIKE THE DOCTOR'S MAN.]

   MUS.  Signior Thorello, my master, Doctor Clement, salutes you,
   and desires to speak with you, with all speed possible.

   THO.  No time but now?  Well, I'll wait upon his worship,
   Piso, Cob, I'll seek them out, and set them sentinels till
   I return.  Piso, Cob, Piso.

   [EXIT.]

   PROS.  Musco, this is rare, but how got'st thou this apparel of
   the Doctor's man?

   MUS.  Marry sir.  My youth would needs bestow the wine on me to
   hear some martial discourse; where I so marshall'd him, that I made
   him monstrous drunk, and because too much heat was the cause of his
   distemper, I stript him stark naked as he lay along asleep, and
   borrowed his suit to deliver this counterfeit message in, leaving a
   rusty armour and an old brown bill to watch him till my return:
   which shall be when I have pawn'd his apparel, and spent the money
   perhaps.

   PROS.  Well, thou art a mad knave, Musco, his absence will be a
   good subject for more mirth: I pray thee return to thy young
   master Lorenzo, and will him to meet me and Hesperida at the
   Friary presently: for here, tell him, the house is so stored with
   jealousy, that there is no room for love to stand upright in: but
   I'll use such means she shall come thither, and that I think will
   meet best with his desires: Hie thee, good Musco.

   MUS.  I go, sir.

   [EXIT.]

   [ENTER THORELLO, TO HIM PISO.]

   THO.  Ho, Piso, Cob, where are these villains, trow?
   Oh, art thou there?  Piso, hark thee here:
   Mark what I say to thee, I must go forth;
   Be careful of thy promise, keep good watch,
   Note every gallant and observe him well,
   That enters in my absence to thy mistress;
   If she would shew him rooms, the jest is stale,
   Follow them, Piso, or else hang on him,
   And let him not go after, mark their looks;
   Note if she offer but to see his band,
   Or any other amorous toy about him,
   But praise his leg, or foot, or if she say,
   The day is hot, and bid him feel her hand,
   How hot it is, oh, that's a monstrous thing:
   Note me all this, sweet Piso; mark their sighs,
   And if they do but whisper, break them off,
   I'll bear thee out in it: wilt thou do this?
   Wilt thou be true, sweet Piso?

   PIS.  Most true, sir.

   THO.  Thanks, gentle Piso: where is Cob? now: Cob?

   [EXIT THORELLO.]

   BIA.  He's ever calling for Cob, I wonder how he employs Cob so.

   PROS.  Indeed, sister, to ask how he employs Cob is a necessary
   question for you that are his wife, and a thing not very easy for
   you to be satisfied in: but this I'll assure you, Cob's wife is
   an excellent bawd indeed, and oftentimes your husband haunts her
   house, marry, to what end I cannot altogether accuse him, imagine
   you what you think convenient: but I have known fair hides have
   foul hearts ere now, I can tell you.

   BIA.  Never said you truer than that, brother!  Piso, fetch
   your cloke, and go with me, I'll after him presently: I would
   to Christ I could take him there, i'faith.

   [EXEUNT PISO AND BIANCHA.]

   PROS.  So let them go: this may make sport anon, now, my fair
   sister Hesperida: ah, that you knew how happy a thing it were
   to be fair and beautiful!

   HES.  That toucheth not me, brother.

   PROS.  That's true: that's even the fault of it, for indeed
   beauty stands a woman in no stead, unless it procure her
   touching: but, sister, whether it touch you or no, it touches
   your beauties, and I am sure they will abide the touch, as
   they do not, a plague of all ceruse, say I! and it touches me
   too in part, though not in thee.  Well, there's a dear and
   respected friend of mine, sister, stands very strongly
   affected towards you, and hath vowed to inflame whole bonfires
   of zeal in his heart, in honour of your perfections.  I have
   already engaged my promise to bring you where you shall hear
   him confirm much more than I am able to lay down for him:
   Signior Lorenzo is the man: what say you, sister; shall I
   intreat so much favour of you for my friend, as to direct and
   attend you to his meeting? upon my soul, he loves you
   extremely, approve it, sweet Hesperida, will you?

   HES.  Faith, I had very little confidence in mine own constancy,
   if I durst not meet a man: but, brother Prospero, this motion of
   yours savours of an old knight adventurer's servant, methinks.

   PROS.  What's that, sister?

   HES.  Marry, of the squire.

   PROS.  No matter, Hesperida, if it did, I would be such an one
   for my friend, but say, will you go?

   HES.  Brother, I will, and bless my happy stars.

   [ENTER CLEMENT AND THORELLO.]

   CLEM.  Why, what villainy is this? my man gone on a false
   message, and run away when he has done, why, what trick is
   there in it, trow!  1, 2, 3, 4, and 5.

   THO.  How! is my wife gone forth, where is she, sister!

   HES.  She's gone abroad with Piso.

   THO.  Abroad with Piso?  Oh, that villain dors me,
   He hath discovered all unto my wife,
   Beast that I was to trust him: whither went she?

   HES.  I know not, sir.

   PROS.  I'll tell you, brother, whither I suspect she's gone.

   THO.  Whither, for God's sake!

   PROS.  To Cob's house, I believe: but keep my counsel.

   THO.  I will, I will, to Cob's house! doth she haunt Cob's?
   She's gone a purpose now to cuckold me,
   With that lewd rascal, who to win her favour,
   Hath told her all.

   [EXIT.]

   CLEM.  But did your mistress see my man bring him a message?

   PROS.  That we did, master Doctor.

   CLEM.  And whither went the knave?

   PROS.  To the tavern, I think, sir.

   CLEM.  What, did Thorello give him any thing to spend for the
   message he brought him? if he did I should commend my man's wit
   exceedingly if he would make himself drunk with the joy of it,
   farewell, lady, keep good rule, you two, I beseech you now: by
   God's —; marry, my man makes me laugh.

   [EXIT.]

   PROS.  What a mad doctor is this! come, sister, let's away.

   [EXEUNT.]

   [ENTER MATHEO AND BOBADILLA.]

   MAT.  I wonder, Signior, what they will say of my going away, ha?

   BOB.  Why, what should they say? but as of a discreet gentleman.
   Quick, wary, respectful of natures,
   Fair lineaments, and that's all.

   MAT.  Why so, but what can they say of your beating?

   BOB.  A rude part, a touch with soft wood, a kind of gross
   battery used, laid on strongly: borne most patiently, and
   that's all.

   MAT.  Ay, but would any man have offered it in Venice?

   BOB.  Tut, I assure you no: you shall have there your Nobilis,
   your Gentilezza, come in bravely upon your reverse, stand you
   close, stand you firm, stand you fair, save your retricato with
   his left leg, come to the assaulto with the right, thrust with
   brave steel, defy your base wood.  But wherefore do I awake this
   remembrance?  I was bewitch'd, by Jesu: but I will be revenged.

   MAT.  Do you hear, is't not best to get a warrant and have him
   arrested, and brought before Doctor Clement?

   BOB.  It were not amiss, would we had it.

   [ENTER MUSCO.]

   MAT.  Why, here comes his man, let's speak to him.

   BOB.  Agreed, do you speak.

   MAT.  God save you, sir.

   MUS.  With all my heart, sir.

   MAT.  Sir, there is one Giuliano hath abused this gentleman and me,
   and we determine to make our amends by law, now if you would do us
   the favour to procure us a warrant, for his arrest, of your master,
   you shall be well considered, I assure i'faith, sir.

   MUS.  Sir, you know my service is my living, such favours as these
   gotten of my master is his only preferment, and therefore you must
   consider me as I may make benefit of my place.

   MAT.  How is that?

   MUS.  Faith, sir, the thing is extraordinary, and the gentleman
   may be of great account: yet be what he will, if you will lay me
   down five crowns in my hand, you shall have it, otherwise not.

   MAT.  How shall we do, Signior? you have no money.

   BOB.  Not a cross, by Jesu.

   MAT.  Nor I, before God, but two pence, left of my two shillings
   in the morning for wine and cakes, let's give him some pawn.

   BOB.  Pawn? we have none to the value of his demand.

   MAT.  O Lord, man, I'll pawn this jewel in my ear, and you may
   pawn your silk stockings, and pull up your boots, they will
   ne'er be mist.

   BOB.  Well, an there be no remedy, I'll step aside and put them
   off.

   MAT.  Do you hear, sir? we have no store of money at this time,
   but you shall have good pawns, look you, sir, this jewel and this
   gentleman's silk stockings, because we would have it dispatch'd
   ere we went to our chambers.

   MUS.  I am content, sir, I will get you the warrant presently.
   What's his name, say you, Giuliano?

   MAT.  Ay, ay, Giuliano.

   MUS.  What manner of man is he?

   MAT.  A tall, big man, sir; he goes in a cloak most commonly
   of silk russet, laid about with russet lace.

   MUS.  'Tis very good, sir.

   MAT.  Here, sir, here's my jewel.

   BOB.  And here are stockings.

   MUS.  Well, gentlemen, I'll procure this warrant presently, and
   appoint you a varlet of the city to serve it, if you'll be upon
   the Realto anon, the varlet shall meet you there.

   MAT.  Very good, sir, I wish no better.

   [EXEUNT BOBA. AND MAT.]

   MUS.  This is rare, now will I go pawn this cloak of the
   doctor's man's at the broker's for a varlet's suit, and be
   the varlet myself, and get either more pawns, or more money
   of Giuliano for my arrest.

   [EXIT.]

   SCENE I.

   ENTER LORENZO SENIOR.

   LOR. SE.  Oh, here it is, I am glad I have found it now.
   Ho! who is within here?

   [ENTER TIB.]

   TIB.  I am within, sir, what's your pleasure?

   LOR. SE.  To know who is within besides yourself.

   TIB.  Why, sir, you are no constable, I hope?

   LOR. SE.  Oh, fear you the constable? then I doubt not,
   You have some guests within deserve that fear;
   I'll fetch him straight.

   TIB.  O' God's name, sir.

   LOR. SE.  Go to, tell me is not the young Lorenzo here?

   TIB.  Young Lorenzo, I saw none such, sir, of mine honesty.

   LOR. SE.  Go to, your honesty flies too lightly from you:
   There's no way but fetch the constable.

   TIB.  The constable, the man is mad, I think.
   [CLAPS TO THE DOOR.]

   [ENTER PISO AND BIANCHA.]

   PISO.  Ho, who keeps house here?

   LOR. SE.  Oh, this is the female copes-mate of my son.
   Now shall I meet him straight.

   BIA.  Knock, Piso, pray thee.

   PIS.  Ho, good wife.

   [ENTER TIB.]

   TIB.  Why, what's the matter with you?

   BIA.  Why, woman, grieves it you to ope your door?
   Belike you get something to keep it shut.

   TIB.  What mean these questions, pray ye?

   BIA.  So strange you make it! is not Thorello, my tried
   husband, here?

   LOR. SE.  Her husband?

   TIB.  I hope he needs not be tried here.

   BIA.  No, dame: he doth it not for need but pleasure.

   TIB.  Neither for need nor pleasure is he here.

   LOR. SE.  This is but a device to balk me withal;
   Soft, who's this?

   [ENTER THORELLO.]

   BIA.  Oh, sir, have I forestall'd your honest market?
   Found your close walks? you stand amazed now, do you?
   I'faith (I am glad) I have smoked you yet at last;
   What's your jewel, trow?  In: come, let's see her;
   Fetch forth your housewife, dame; if she be fairer
   In any honest judgment than myself,
   I'll be content with it: but she is change,
   She feeds you fat; she soothes your appetite,
   And you are well: your wife, an honest woman,
   Is meat twice sod to you, sir; Oh, you treachour.

   LOR. SE.  She cannot counterfeit this palpably.

   THO.  Out on thee, more than strumpet's impudency,
   Steal'st thou thus to thy haunts? and have I taken
   Thy bawd and thee, and thy companion,
   This hoary-headed letcher, this old goat,
   Close at your villainy, and would'st thou 'scuse it,
   With this stale harlot's jest, accusing me?
   Oh, old incontinent, dost thou not shame,
   When all thy powers in chastity are spent,
   To have a mind so hot? and to entice
   And feed the enticements of a lustful woman?

   BIA.  Out, I defy thee, I, dissembling wretch?

   THO.  Defy me, strumpet? ask thy pander here,
   Can he deny it? or that wicked elder.

   LOR. SE.  Why, hear you, Signior?

   THO.  Tut, tut, never speak,
   Thy guilty conscience will discover thee.

   LOR. SE.  What lunacy is this that haunts this man?

   [ENTER GIU.]

   GIU.  Oh, sister, did you see my cloak?

   BIA.  Not I, I see none.

   GIU.  God's life, I have lost it then, saw you Hesperida?

   THO.  Hesperida?  Is she not at home?

   GIU.  No, she is gone abroad, and nobody can tell me of it
   at home.

   [EXIT.]

   THO.  O heaven! abroad? what light! a harlot too!
   Why? why? hark you, hath she, hath she not a brother?
   A brother's house to keep, to look unto?
   But she must fling abroad, my wife hath spoil'd her,
   She takes right after her, she does, she does,
   Well, you goody bawd and —
   [ENTER COB.]
   That make your husband such a hoddy-doddy;
   And you, young apple squire, and old cuckold-maker,
   I'll have you every one before the Doctor,
   Nay, you shall answer it, I charge you go.

   LOR. SE.  Marry, with all my heart, I'll go willingly:
   how have I wrong'd myself in coming here.

   BIA.  Go with thee?  I'll go with thee to thy shame,
   I warrant thee.

   COB.  Why, what's the matter? what's here to do?

   THO.  What, Cob, art thou here? oh, I am abused,
   And in thy house, was never man so wrong'd.

   COB.  'Slid, in my house? who wrong'd you in my house?

   THO.  Marry, young lust in old, and old in young here,
   Thy wife's their bawd, here have I taken them.

   COB.  Do you hear? did I not charge you keep your doors shut
   here, and do you let them lie open for all comers, do you
   scratch?

   [COB BEATS HIS WIFE.]

   LOR. SE.  Friend, have patience; if she have done wrong in
   this, let her answer it afore the Magistrate.

   COB.  Ay, come, you shall go afore the Doctor.

   TIB.  Nay, I will go, I'll see an you may be allowed to beat
   your poor wife thus at every cuckoldly knave's pleasure, the
   devil and the pox take you all for me: why do you not go now?

   THO.  A bitter quean, come, we'll have you tamed.

   [EXEUNT.]

   [ENTER MUSCO ALONE.]

   MUS.  Well, of all my disguises yet, now am I most like myself,
   being in this varlet's suit, a man of my present profession
   never counterfeits till he lay hold upon a debtor, and says he
   rests him, for then he brings him to all manner of unrest.
   A kind of little kings we are, bearing the diminutive of a
   mace, made like a young artichoke, that always carries pepper
   and salt in itself, well, I know not what danger I undergo by
   this exploit, pray God I come well off.

   [ENTER BOBADILLA AND MATHEO.]

   MAT.  See, I think yonder is the varlet.

   BOB.  Let's go in quest of him.

   MAT.  God save you, friend, are not you here by the appointment
   of Doctor Clement's man?

   MUS.  Yes, an't please you, sir; he told me two gentlemen had
   will'd him to procure an arrest upon one Signior Giuliano by a
   warrant from his master, which I have about me.

   MAT.  It is honestly done of you both; and see where he comes
   you must arrest; upon him, for God's sake, before he be 'ware.

   BOB.  Bear back, Matheo!

   [ENTER STEPHANO.]

   MUS.  Signior Giuliano, I arrest you, sir, in the Duke's name.

   STEP.  Signior Giuliano! am I Signior Giuliano?  I am one Signior
   Stephano, I tell you, and you do not well, by God's lid, to arrest
   me, I tell you truly; I am not in your master's books, I would you
   should well know; ay, and a plague of God on you for making me
   afraid thus.

   MUS.  Why, how are you deceived, gentlemen?

   BOB.  He wears such a cloak, and that deceived us,
   But see, here a comes, officer, this is he.

   [ENTER GIULIANO.]

   GIU.  Why, how now, signior gull: are you a turn'd filcher of
   late? come, deliver my cloak.

   STEP.  Your cloak, sir?  I bought it even now in the market.

   MUS.  Signior Giuliano, I must arrest you, sir.

   GIU.  Arrest me, sir, at whose suit?

   MUS.  At these two gentlemen's.

   GIU.  I obey thee, varlet; but for these villains —

   MUS.  Keep the peace, I charge you, sir, in the Duke's name,
   sir.

   GIU.  What's the matter, varlet?

   MUS.  You must go before master Doctor Clement, sir, to
   answer what these gentlemen will object against you, hark
   you, sir, I will use you kindly.

   MAT.  We'll be even with you, sir, come, Signior Bobadilla,
   we'll go before and prepare the Doctor: varlet, look to him.

   [EXEUNT BOBADILLA AND MATHEO.]

   BOB.  The varlet is a tall man, by Jesu.

   GIU.  Away, you rascals, Signior, I shall have my cloak.

   STEP.  Your cloak?  I say once again, I bought it, and I'll
   keep it.

   GIU.  You will keep it?

   STEP.  Ay, that I will.

   GIU.  Varlet, stay, here's thy fee, arrest him.

   MUS.  Signior Stephano, I arrest you.

   STEP.  Arrest me! there, take your cloak: I'll none of it.

   GIU.  Nay, that shall not serve your turn, varlet, bring him away,
   I'll go with thee now to the Doctor's, and carry him along.

   STEP.  Why, is not here your cloak? what would you have?

   GIU.  I care not for that.

   MUS.  I pray you, sir.

   GIU.  Never talk of it; I will have him answer it.

   MUS.  Well, sir, then I'll leave you, I'll take this gentleman's
   word for his appearance, as I have done yours.

   GIU.  Tut, I'll have no words taken, bring him along to answer it.

   MUS.  Good sir, I pity the gentleman's case, here's your money
   again.

   GIU.  God's bread, tell not me of my money, bring him away,
   I say.

   MUS.  I warrant you, he will go with you of himself.

   GIU.  Yet more ado?

   MUS.  I have made a fair mash of it.

   STEP.  Must I go?

   [EXEUNT.]

   ENTER DOCTOR CLEMENT, THORELLO, LORENZO SENIOR, BIANCHA,
   PISO, TIB, A SERVANT OR TWO OF THE DOCTOR'S.

   CLEM.  Nay, but stay, stay, give me leave; my chair, sirrah;
   you, Signior Lorenzo, say you went thither to meet your son.

   LOR. SE.  Ay, sir.

   CLEM.  But who directed you thither?

   LOR. SE.  That did my man, sir.

   CLEM.  Where is he?

   LOR. SE.  Nay, I know not now, I left him with your clerk,
   And appointed him to stay here for me.

   CLEM.  About what time was this?

   LOR. SE.  Marry, between one and two, as I take it.

   CLEM.  So, what time came my man with the message to you,
   Signior Thorello?

   THO.  After two, sir.

   CLEM.  Very good, but, lady, how that you were at Cob's, ha?

   BIA.  An't please you, sir, I'll tell you: my brother Prospero
   told me that Cob's house was a suspected place.

   CLEM.  So it appears, methinks; but on.

   BIA.  And that my husband used thither daily.

   CLEM.  No matter, so he use himself well.

   BIA.  True, sir, but you know what grows by such haunts
   oftentimes.

   CLEM.  Ay, rank fruits of a jealous brain, lady: but did you
   find your husband there in that case, as you suspected?

   THO.  I found her there, sir.

   CLEM.  Did you so? that alters the case; who gave you knowledge
   of your wife's being there?

   THO.  Marry, that did my brother Prospero.

   CLEM.  How, Prospero first tell her, then tell you after?
   Where is Prospero?

   THO.  Gone with my sister, sir, I know not whither.

   CLEM.  Why, this is a mere trick, a device; you are gulled
   in this most grossly: alas, poor wench, wert thou beaten
   for this? how now, sirrah, what's the matter?

   [ENTER ONE OF THE DOCTOR'S MEN.]

   SER.  Sir, there's a gentleman in the court without desires
   to speak with your worship.

   CLEM.  A gentleman? what's he?

   SER.  A soldier, sir, he sayeth.

   CLEM.  A soldier? fetch me my armour, my sword, quickly; a
   soldier speak with me, why, when, knaves? — come on, come on,
   hold my cap there, so; give me my gorget, my sword; stand by,
   I will end your matters anon; let the soldier enter, now, sir,
   what have you to say to me?

   [ENTER BOBADILLA AND MATHEO.]

   BOB.  By your worship's favour.

   CLEM.  Nay, keep out, sir, I know not your pretence, you
   send me word, sir, you are a soldier, why, sir, you shall
   be answered here, here be them have been amongst soldiers.
   Sir, your pleasure.

   BOB.  Faith, sir, so it is: this gentleman and myself have
   been most violently wronged by one Signior Giuliano: a gallant
   of the city here; and for my own part, I protest, being a man
   in no sort given to this filthy humour of quarrelling, he hath
   assaulted me in the way of my peace, despoiled me of mine
   honour, disarmed me of my weapons, and beaten me in the open
   streets: when I not so much as once offered to resist him.

   CLEM.  Oh, God's precious, is this the soldier? here, take my
   armour quickly, 'twill make him swoon, I fear; he is not fit
   to look on't that will put up a blow.

   [ENTER SERVANT.]

   MAT.  An't please your worship, he was bound to the peace.

   CLEM.  Why, an he were, sir, his hands were not bound,
   were they?

   SER.  There is one of the varlets of the city has brought two
   gentlemen here upon arrest, sir.

   CLEM.  Bid him come in, set by the picture.
   [ENTER MUSCO WITH GIULIANO AND STEPHANO.]
   Now, sir, what!  Signior Giuliano? is't you that are arrested
   at signior freshwater's suit here?

   GIU.  I'faith, master Doctor, and here's another brought at
   my suit.

   CLEM.  What are you, sir?

   STEP.  A gentleman, sir; oh, uncle?

   CLEM.  Uncle? who, Lorenzo?

   LOR. SE.  Ay, sir.

   STEP.  God's my witness, my uncle, I am wrong'd here monstrously;
   he chargeth me with stealing of his cloak, and would I might
   never stir, if I did not find it in the street by chance.

   GIU.  Oh, did you find it now? you said you bought it erewhile.

   STEP.  And you said I stole it, nay, now my uncle is here I care
   not.

   CLEM.  Well, let this breathe awhile; you that have cause to
   complain there, stand forth; had you a warrant for this arrest?

   BOB.  Ay, an't please your worship.

   CLEM.  Nay, do not speak in passion so, where had you it?

   BOB.  Of your clerk, sir.

   CLEM.  That's well, an my clerk can make warrants, and my hand
   not at them; where is the warrant? varlet, have you it?

   MUS.  No, sir, your worship's man bid me do it for these
   gentlemen, and he would be my discharge.

   CLEM.  Why, Signior Giuliano, are you such a novice to be
   arrested and never see the warrant?

   GIU.  Why, sir, he did not arrest me.

   CLEM.  No? how then?

   GIU.  Marry, sir, he came to me and said he must arrest me,
   and he would use me kindly, and so forth.

   CLEM.  Oh, God's pity, was it so, sir? he must arrest you.
   Give me my long sword there; help me off, so; come on, sir
   varlet, I must cut off your legs, sirrah; nay, stand up,
   I'll use you kindly; I must cut off your legs, I say.

   MUS.  Oh, good sir, I beseech you, nay, good master Doctor.
   Oh, good sir.

   CLEM.  I must do it; there is no remedy;
   I must cut off your legs, sirrah.
   I must cut off your ears, you rascal, I must do it;
   I must cut off your nose, I must cut off your head.

   MUS.  Oh, for God's sake, good master Doctor.

   CLEM.  Well, rise; how dost thou now? dost thou feel thyself
   well? hast thou no harm?

   MUS.  No, I thank God, sir, and your good worship.

   CLEM.  Why so?  I said I must cut off thy legs, and I must cut
   off thy arms, and I must cut off thy head; but I did not do it
   so: you said you must arrest this gentleman, but you did not
   arrest him, you knave, you slave, you rogue, do you say you must
   arrest, sirrah? away with him to the jail, I'll teach you a
   trick for your must.

   MUS.  Good master Doctor, I beseech you be good to me.

   CLEM.  Marry o'God: away with him, I say.

   MUS.  Nay, 'sblood, before I go to prison, I'll put on my
   old brazen face, and disclaim in my vocation: I'll discover,
   that's flat, an I be committed, it shall be for the
   committing of more villainies than this, hang me an I lose
   the least grain of my fame.

   CLEM.  Why? when, knave? by God's marry, I'll clap thee by
   the heels too.

   MUS.  Hold, hold, I pray you.

   CLEM.  What's the matter? stay there.

   MUS.  Faith, sir, afore I go to this house of bondage, I have
   a case to unfold to your worship: which (that it may appear
   more plain unto your worship's view) I do thus first of all
   uncase, and appear in mine own proper nature, servant to this
   gentleman: and known by the name of Musco.

   LOR. SE.  Ha, Musco!

   STEP.  Oh, uncle, Musco has been with my cousin and I all
   this day.

   CLEM.  Did not I tell you there was some device?

   MUS.  Nay, good master Doctor, since I have laid myself thus
   open to your worship, now stand strong for me, till the progress
   of my tale be ended, and then if my wit do not deserve your
   countenance, 'slight, throw it on a dog, and let me go hang
   myself.

   CLEM.  Body of me, a merry knave, give me a bowl of sack.
   Signior Lorenzo, I bespeak your patience in particular, marry,
   your ears in general, here, knave, Doctor Clement drinks to
   thee.

   MUS.  I pledge master Doctor an't were a sea to the bottom.

   CLEM.  Fill his bowl for that, fill his bowl: so, now speak
   freely.

   MUS.  Indeed, this is it will make a man speak freely.  But
   to the point, know then that I, Musco, (being somewhat more
   trusted of my master than reason required, and knowing his
   intent to Florence,) did assume the habit of a poor soldier in
   wants, and minding by some means to intercept his journey in
   the midway, 'twixt the grange and the city, I encountered him,
   where begging of him in the most accomplished and true garb,
   (as they term it) contrary to all expectation, he reclaimed me
   from that bad course of life; entertained me into his service,
   employed me in his business, possest me with his secrets, which
   I no sooner had received, but (seeking my young master, and
   finding him at this gentleman's house) I revealed all most
   amply: this done, by the device of Signior Prospero and him
   together, I returned (as the raven did to the ark) to mine old
   master again, told him he should find his son in what manner he
   knows, at one Cob's house, where indeed he never meant to come;
   now my master, he to maintain the jest, went thither, and left
   me with your worship's clerk, who, being of a most fine supple
   disposition, (as most of your clerks are) proffers me the wine,
   which I had the grace to accept very easily, and to the tavern
   we went: there after much ceremony, I made him drunk in
   kindness, stript him to his shirt, and leaving him in that cool
   vein, departed, frolick, courtier-like, having obtained a suit:
   which suit fitting me exceedingly well, I put on, and usurping
   your man's phrase and action, carried a message to Signior
   Thorello in your name; which message was merely devised but to
   procure his absence, while Signior Prospero might make a
   conveyance of Hesperida to my master.

   CLEM.  Stay, fill me the bowl again, here; 'twere pity of his
   life would not cherish such a spirit: I drink to thee, fill
   him wine, why, now do you perceive the trick of it?

   THO.  Ay, ay, perceive well we were all abused.

   LOR. SE.  Well, what remedy?

   CLEM.  Where is Lorenzo and Prospero, canst thou tell?

   MUS.  Ay, sir, they are at supper at the Mermaid, where I
   left your man.

   CLEM.  Sirrah, go warn them hither presently before me, and
   if the hour of your fellow's resurrection be come, bring him
   too.  But forward, forward, when thou has been at Thorello's.

   [EXIT SERVANT.]

   MUS.  Marry, sir, coming along the street, these two gentlemen
   meet me, and very strongly supposing me to be your worship's
   scribe, entreated me to procure them a warrant for the arrest
   of Signior Giuliano, I promised them, upon some pair of silk
   stockings or a jewel, or so, to do it, and to get a varlet of
   the city to serve it, which varlet I appointed should meet
   them upon the Realto at such an hour, they no sooner gone, but
   I, in a mere hope of more gain by Signior Giuliano, went to one
   of Satan's old ingles, a broker, and there pawned your man's
   livery for a varlet's suit, which here, with myself, I offer
   unto your worship's consideration.

   CLEM.  Well, give me thy hand;
   Proh. Superi ingenium magnum quis noscit Homerum.
   Illias aeternum si latuisset opus?
   I admire thee, I honour thee, and if thy master or any man here
   be angry with thee, I shall suspect his wit while I know him
   for it: do you hear, Signior Thorello, Signior Lorenzo, and the
   rest of my good friends, I pray you let me have peace when they
   come, I have sent for the two gallants and Hesperida, God's
   marry, I must have you, friends, how now? what noise is there?

   [ENTER SERVANT, THEN PETO.]

   SER.  Sir, it is Peto is come home.

   CLEM.  Peto, bring him hither, bring him hither, what, how now,
   signior drunkard, in arms against me, ha? your reason, your
   reason for this.

   PET.  I beseech your worship to pardon me.

   CLEM.  Well, sirrah, tell him I do pardon him.

   PET.  Truly, sir, I did happen into bad company by chance,
   and they cast me in a sleep and stript me of all my clothes.

   CLEM.  Tut, this is not to the purpose touching your armour,
   what might your armour signify?

   PET.  Marry, sir, it hung in the room where they stript me, and
   I borrowed it of one of the drawers, now in the evening, to
   come home in, because I was loth to come through the street
   in my shirt.

   [ENTER LORENZO JUNIOR, PROSPERO, HESPERIDA.]

   CLEM.  Well, disarm him, but it's no matter, let him stand by:
   who be these? oh, young gallants; welcome, welcome, and you,
   lady, nay, never scatter such amazed looks amongst us,
   Qui nil potest sperare desperet nihil.

   PROS.  Faith, master Doctor, that's even I, my hopes are small,
   and my despair shall be as little.  Brother, sister, brother,
   what, cloudy, cloudy? "and will no sunshine on these looks
   appear?" well, since there is such a tempest toward, I'll be
   the porpoise, I'll dance: wench, be of good cheer, thou hast a
   cloak for the rain yet, where is he?  'Sheart, how now, the
   picture of the prodigal, go to, I'll have the calf drest for
   you at my charges.

   LOR. SE.  Well, son Lorenzo, this day's work of yours hath much
   deceived my hopes, troubled my peace, and stretch'd my patience
   further than became the spirit of duty.

   CLEM.  Nay, God's pity, Signior Lorenzo, you shall urge it no
   more: come, since you are here, I'll have the disposing of all,
   but first, Signior Giuliano, at my request take your cloak again.

   GIU.  Well, sir, I am content.

   CLEM.  Stay, now let me see, oh signior snow-liver, I had almost
   forgotten him, and your Genius there, what, doth he suffer for a
   good conscience too? doth he bear his cross with patience?

   MUS.  Nay, they have scarce one cross between them both to bear.

   CLEM.  Why, dost thou know him? what is he? what is he?

   MUS.  Marry, search his pocket, sir, and he'll shew you he is an
   author, sir.

   CLEM.  Dic mihi musa virum: are you an author, sir? give me
   leave a little, come on, sir, I'll make verses with you now
   in honour of the gods and the goddesses for what you dare
   extempore; and now I begin.
   "Mount thee my Phlegon muse, and testify,
   How Saturn sitting in an ebon cloud,
   Disrobed his podex, white as ivory,
   And through the welkin thunder'd all aloud."
   There's for you, sir.

   PROS.  Oh, he writes not in that height of style.

   CLEM.  No: we'll come a step or two lower then.
   "From Catadupa and the banks of Nile,
   Where only breeds your monstrous crocodile,
   Now are we purposed for to fetch our style."

   PROS.  Oh, too far-fetch'd for him still, master Doctor.

   CLEM.  Ay, say you so? let's intreat a sight of his vein then.

   PROS.  Signior, master Doctor desires to see a sight of your
   vein, nay, you must not deny him.

   CLEM.  What, all this verse, body of me, he carries a whole
   realm; a commonwealth of paper in his hose, let's see some of
   his subjects.
   "Unto the boundless ocean of thy beauty,
   Runs this poor river, charg'd with streams of zeal,
   Returning thee the tribute of my duty:
   Which here my youth, my plaints, my love reveal."
   Good! is this your own invention?

   MAT.  No, sir, I translated that out of a book, called
   "Delia."

   CLEM.  Oh, but I would see some of your own, some of your own.

   MAT.  Sir, here's the beginning of a sonnet I made to my
   mistress.

   CLEM.  That, that: who? to Madonna Hesperida, is she your
   mistress?

   PROS.  It pleaseth him to call her so, sir.

   CLEM.  "In summer time, when Phoebus' golden rays."
   You translated this too, did you not?

   PROS.  No, this is invention; he found it in a ballad.

   MAT.  Faith sir, I had most of the conceit of it out of a
   ballad indeed.

   CLEM.  Conceit, fetch me a couple of torches, sirrah,
   I may see the conceit: quickly! it's very dark!

   GIU.  Call you this poetry?

   LOR. JU.  Poetry? nay, then call blasphemy, religion;
   Call devils, angels; and sin, piety:
   Let all things be preposterously transchanged.

   LOR. SE.  Why, how now, son! what are you startled now?
   Hath the brize prick'd you, ha? go to; you see
   How abjectly your poetry is rank'd in general opinion.

   LOR. JU.  Opinion, O God, let gross opinion sink and be damn'd
   As deep as Barathrum,
   If it may stand with your most wish'd content,
   I can refell opinion and approve
   The state of poesy, such as it is,
   Blessed, eternal, and most true divine:
   Indeed, if you will look on Poesy
   As she appears in many, poor and lame,
   Patch'd up in remnants and old worn rags,
   Half starved for want of her peculiar food:
   Sacred invention, then I must confirm
   Both your conceit and censure of her merit,
   But view her in her glorious ornaments,
   Attired in the majesty of art,
   Set high in spirit, with the precious taste
   Of sweet philosophy, and which is most,
   Crown'd with the rich traditions of a soul
   That hates to have her dignity profaned
   With any relish of an earthly thought:
   Oh, then how proud a presence doth she bear.
   Then is she like herself, fit to be seen
   Of none but grave and consecrated eyes:
   Nor is it any blemish to her fame,
   That such lean, ignorant, and blasted wits,
   Such brainless gulls, should utter their stol'n wares
   With such applauses in our vulgar ears:
   Or that their slubber'd lines have current pass
   From the fat judgments of the multitude,
   But that this barren and infected age
   Should set no difference 'twixt these empty spirits
   And a true poet: than which reverend name
   Nothing can more adorn humanity.

   [ENTER WITH TORCHES.]

   CLEM.  Ay, Lorenzo, but election is now governed altogether by
   the influence of humour, which, instead of those holy flames
   that should direct and light the soul to eternity, hurls forth
   nothing but smoke and congested vapours, that stifle her up, and
   bereave her of all sight and motion.  But she must have a store
   of hellebore given her to purge these gross obstructions: oh,
   that's well said, give me thy torch, come, lay this stuff
   together.  So, give fire! there, see, see, how our poet's glory
   shines brighter and brighter, still, still it increaseth, oh,
   now it's at the highest, and now it declines as fast: you may
   see, gallants, "sic transit gloria mundi."  Well now, my two
   signior outsides, stand forth, and lend me your large ears, to
   a sentence, to a sentence: first, you, Signior, shall this night
   to the cage, and so shall you, sir, from thence to-morrow morning,
   you, Signior, shall be carried to the market cross, and be there
   bound: and so shall you, sir, in a large motley coat, with a rod
   at your girdle; and you in an old suit of sackcloth, and the
   ashes of your papers (save the ashes, sirrah) shall mourn all day,
   and at night both together sing some ballad of repentance very
   piteously, which you shall make to the tune of "Who list to lead
   and a soldier's life."  Sirrah bill-man, embrace you this torch,
   and light the gentlemen to their lodgings, and because we tender
   their safety, you shall watch them to-night, you are provided for
   the purpose, away, and look to your charge with an open eye,
   sirrah.

   BOB.  Well, I am arm'd in soul against the worst of fortune.

   MAT.  Faith, so should I be, an I had slept on it.

   PET.  I am arm'd too, but I am not like to sleep on it.

   MUS.  Oh, how this pleaseth me.

   [EXEUNT.]

   CLEM.  Now, Signior Thorello, Giuliano, Prospero, Biancha.

   STEP.  And not me, sir.

   CLEM.  Yes, and you, sir: I had lost a sheep an he had not
   bleated, I must have you all friends: but first a word with
   you, young gallant, and you, lady.

   GIU.  Well, brother Prospero, by this good light that shines
   here, I am loth to kindle fresh coals, but an you had come in
   my walk within these two hours I had given you that you should
   not have clawed off again in haste, by Jesus, I had done it, I
   am the arrant'st rogue that ever breathed else, but now beshrew
   my heart if I bear you any malice in the earth.

   PROS.  Faith, I did it but to hold up a jest, and help my sister
   to a husband, but, brother Thorello, and sister, you have a spice
   of the jealous yet, both of you, (in your hose, I mean,) come, do
   not dwell upon your anger so much, let's all be smooth foreheaded
   once again.

   THOR.  He plays upon my forehead, brother Giuliano, I pray you
   tell me one thing I shall ask you: is my forehead any thing
   rougher than it was wont to be?

   GIU.  Rougher? your forehead is smooth enough, man.

   THO.  Why should he then say, be smooth foreheaded,
   Unless he jested at the smoothness of it?
   And that may be, for horn is very smooth;
   So are my brows, by Jesu, smooth as horn!

   BIA.  Brother, had he no haunt thither, in good faith?

   PROS.  No, upon my soul.

   BIA.  Nay, then, sweet-heart: nay, I pray thee, be not angry,
   good faith, I'll never suspect thee any more, nay, kiss me,
   sweet muss.

   THO.  Tell me, Biancha, do not you play the woman with me.

   BIA.  What's that, sweet-heart?

   THO.  Dissemble.

   BIA.  Dissemble?

   THO.  Nay, do not turn away: but say i'faith was it not a
   match appointed 'twixt this old gentleman and you?

   BIA.  A match?

   THO.  Nay, if it were not, I do not care: do not weep, I pray
   thee, sweet Biancha, nay, so now! by Jesus, I am not jealous,
   but resolved I have the faithful'st wife in Italy.
   "For this I find, where jealousy is fed,
   Horns in the mind are worse than on the head.
   See what a drove of horns fly in the air,
   Wing'd with my cleansed and my credulous breath:
   Watch them, suspicious eyes, watch where they fall,
   See, see, on heads that think they have none at all.
   Oh, what a plenteous world of this will come,
   When air rains horns, all men be sure of some:

   CLEM.  Why that's well, come then: what say you, are all
   agreed? doth none stand out?

   PROS.  None but this gentleman: to whom in my own person I owe
   all duty and affection; but most seriously intreat pardon, for
   whatsoever hath past in these occurrants that might be contrary
   to his most desired content.

   LOR. SE.  Faith sir, it is a virtue that pursues
   Any save rude and uncomposed spirits,
   To make a fair construction, and indeed
   Not to stand off, when such respective means
   Invite a general content in all.

   CLEM.  Well, then I conjure you all here to put off all
   discontentment, first, you, Signior Lorenzo, your cares; you,
   and you, your jealousy; you, your anger, and you, your wit,
   sir; and for a peace-offering, here's one willing to be
   sacrificed upon this altar: say, do you approve my motion?

   PROS.  We do, I'll be mouth for all.

   CLEM.  Why, then I wish them all joy, and now, to make our
   evening happiness more full: this night you shall be all my
   guests: where we'll enjoy the very spirit of mirth, and carouse
   to the health of this heroic spirit, whom to honour the more I
   do invest in my own robes, desiring you two, Giuliano and
   Prospero, to be his supporters, the train to follow, myself
   will lead, ushered by my page here with this honourable verse —

   "Claudite jam rivos pueri sat prata biberunt."