KIND HEARTS
There are no bigger hearts for their bodies
And no kinder hearts on this earth
Than the big juicy red hearts of melons,
To mortals fair jewels of worth.
The "King Water Melon," the big heart,
Of all earthly melons the best,
He clings to the earth, his good mother,
And never once leaves her warm breast.
And so when he's grown he's a big heart,
Which helps both the great and the small,
When fevers are burning our parched throats
Or if we are thirsty at all.
These kind hearts are always so cooling
And taste, oh, so good and so sweet,
I'm sure that they once grew in Eden
For our Father Adam to eat.
HENS
What curious birds are common hens!
They make good broth and even pens.
They have no teeth, no hair, no nose,
But sport a comb red as a rose.
They have no arms or funny bones
That causes folks to let forth groans,
Their victuals they all swallow whole
And use a craw for a chopping bowl.
They have no hands, they have no wrists,
And without hands they can't make fists,
But for one thing they should rejoice
And cluck aloud with cheerful voice;
Not having hands, they have no nails,
Which are the cause of many wails,
For once a week we girls and boys
Must put aside our games and toys
And all our nice exciting tales,
While mother trims our finger nails.
NISSEN, THE SANTA CLAUS OF NORWAY
How glad I am that I was born in this land very dear,
Where children have a Santa Claus of whom they have no fear;
A Santa who is always kind, remembering one and all
When every year at Christmas time, he pays us all a call.
In far away chill Norway, there NISSEN is the name
Of the Christmas visitor who bears good Santa's fame;
But he's a naughty brownie so short and very small,
Not a bit like Santa who pays us all a call.
But, like our good gift giver, his beard is long and white,
And he wears a coat of furs and many colors bright.
But instead of bringing goodies to good girls and to boys,
Nice new clothes and books and games and lots of wondrous toys,
He expects that all big folks and also little ones
Should leave his favorite dishes, such as puddings, cakes and buns,
Outside of every doorway so that he may eat at will
Of these luscious dainties until he has had his fill.
Then after eating all the cakes his "tummy-tum" can hold,
He milks the cows and splits the wood (at least, so I've been told),
But never thinks to bring nice gifts to little girls and boys
Whose parents have to trim their trees and buy them all their toys.
Besides, this naughty NISSEN is cross at times and bad,
And does all sorts of horrid tricks which I think very sad
At Christmas when we all should be so kind to one another,
And treat each person whom we meet as if he were our brother.
But NISSEN steals away the cows and even horses fleet,
From all the people who forget to bake him puddings sweet;
And if above a whisper one should dare to speak or sing
About this cranky fellow, then this evil he will bring
As from that time the guilty one must sneeze and sneeze and sneeze.
Now in our land we sing loud praise of Santa all the time,
And tell about his goodness great, in prose and jingling rhyme;
And yet it seems the more we sing about the jolly elf,
The more he brings each year to us upon the mantel shelf.
But children in far Norway are better girls and boys
Than we who live in this fair land and think so much of toys
That we forget about the pets while feeding our own selves
Like thoughtless, greedy little pigs or naughty selfish elves.
A CHRISTMAS WISH FOR ALL MY FRIENDS
While Christmas bells are chiming, oh, may there come to you
A dear sweet little fairy, who's always good and true;
The little happy fairy, who drives away dull care,
And makes all things upon the earth seem ever bright and fair.
She'll whisper to good Santa to bring what you most wish;
So if you have been longing for a fine pudding dish,
She will not, as in by-gone years, forget and bring to you
Something that you do not want, though beautiful and new.
SANTA'S REINDEER IN THE SKY
Long, long ago before this earth had any girls and boys
To hang their stockings on the shelf expecting Christmas toys,
Good Santa was a big white cloud that floated in the sky;
If you had lived in those old days, you'd seen him floating by.
But when the children came to rule upon good Mother Earth,
She took kind Santa from the sky and made him God of Mirth;
To bring at every Christmas time good gifts to girls and boys
And make them all so happy with a lot of lovely toys.
Far, far among the icebergs, in the cold and freezing zone,
She built for him a palace, where he lives almost alone,
With only good old Mrs. Claus to keep him company,
Wise Mother Earth she knew this clime would suit good Santa well,
For here no foolish, idle folks would ever come to dwell;
Nor pay the good Saint visits which would waste his precious time,
While he could work much faster here than in a warmer clime.
But never did he suffer from the icebergs at the Pole,
As fairies kept his fireplace all full of red-hot coal;
Or heaped bright burning logs on it as full as it could hold,
So Santa never felt a tweak of Jack Frost's biting cold.
Likewise the fairies brought to him and his most faithful spouse,
Just everything that they could need to keep a cozy house.
And even cooked their victuals and brought them every day
Exactly at the proper time, upon a huge hot tray.
And after they had eaten all the dainties on the tray,
So Mrs. Claus had no excuse for being cross or sad,
Since no experience she had had with Bridgets getting mad.
When Santa finished all his toys, he put them in a sack,
Where he intended carrying them just like a pedler's pack,
But Mother Earth surprised the Saint and to his palace led
Eight lovely prancing reindeer and a large commodious sled.
These reindeer were the cousins of swift Pegasus, the steed
Who helped the hero Perseus when he was in great need;
And, like the flying hero horse, they lived up in the sky,
Till Mother Earth had need of them to help old Santa fly.
And so on every Christmas eve for full ten hundred years,
By bringing them most all the gifts their little hearts could wish,
And filling stockings, shoes and plates, and even puddin dish.
But when last Christmas came around, good Mother Earth, she said,
"Dear Santa, I have something fine for you to use instead
Of your good, faithful reindeer and your big old-fashioned sled,
For here's a lovely aeroplane, all painted shining red."
The wise old lady then declared that he could safely fly
With this machine most anywhere away up in the sky,
And travel far, far faster than the reindeer who were fleet
But stumbled sometimes on the roofs made slippery with sleet.
The aeroplane could carry well a larger load of toys,
So he could visit more good girls and also little boys,
Who live in far off heathen lands where everyone's a sinner,
With this machine he'd save some time to look out for each pet
Of all the little girls and boys, as they so oft forget
To treat their pets most kindly upon the Christmas morn
In memory of the Saviour who on this day was born.
And likewise all the horses, the cows and pigs and sheep,
For men so seldom think of them when Christmas time they keep;
And even wild, fierce animals, and fishes in the sea,
Should all be made quite happy at Christmas time to be.
"I do not like this plan at all of giving up my sled
And my good faithful reindeer," so good old Santa said.
But Mother Earth she laughed at him and said she would repay
The reindeer, whom she would send home straight to the Milky Way.
But Santa was old-fashioned and had great fears to fly
Without his sled and reindeer, he'd used in years gone by,
And begged that on his maiden trip these true old friends to take
The laughing Earth then granted him this very small request,
And early on glad Christmas eve (the eve of all most blest)
He started forth upon his trip, did good old Santa dear,
Guiding his Wright aeroplane with feelings of great fear.
But Mother Earth showed she was wise and knew just what was best
To help the good old tired saint while on his children quest;
And fast the good Wright aeroplane it flew both low and high,
So Santa took the Earth's advice, and though he heaved a sigh,
He dropped the poor old worn-out sled as he was passing by,
And people said, who saw it fall, "A meteor from the sky!"
Then, kissing each good reindeer, he bade them all farewell,
And you, my little playmates, who have heard the tiny hoofs
Of the wondrous flying steeds pattering on the roofs,
If you would like to catch a glimpse of Santa's good reindeer,
Then wait until it's dark some night, and when the sky is clear,
You'll see them very plainly in the broad light Milky Way,
And there, for all the time to come, these steeds will romp and play.
ALL DENTISTS GO TO HEAVEN
I don't like dentists, because they hurt me
With horrid bad pinchers as sharp as can be.
They pick at my teeth and scratch in my head
Until I begin to wish I were dead.
But I read in the paper (so I suppose it's so)
That all of the dentists to Heaven will go,
Because they are needed away up there
To make gold crowns for the angels fair.
MABEL AT THE BUTCHER SHOP
When Mabel went with Mother
To buy some chops for tea,
She gazed in awestruck horror
At sawdust she could see,
Sprinkled over all the floor,
To north, south, east and west,
And as wee Mabel saw it
Her heart was sore oppressed.
She hated all the butchers
And yearned to be at home,
Where she could guard her dolly
And teach her not to roam
Afar to shops of butchers,
As now wee Mabel knew
That butchers hurt poor dollies
And stab them through and through,
So all their nice warm stuffings
Would flow from every pore
And cover well with sawdust
The butcher's dirty floor.
THANKSGIVING IN 20,000 A. D.
"Oh, how the ways have changed with men
Since the good days of nineteen ten,
When I was living on the earth
And joining in Thanksgiving mirth!"
A nineteen hundred spirit cried
As many people he espied
While gazing on old Mother Earth
Years twenty thousand since her birth.
Long, long ago, as poets say,
For good Thanksgiving holiday
A feast was spread of nice mince pies.
Of turkeys of tremendous size,
Cranberry sauce, and giblet stew,
Potatoes, corn and ice cream, too,
With salads, raisins, nuts and cake,
And all the pastry "Ma" could bake.
These days, alas! they don't believe
A mixture of such tasty things,
And as folks float upon their wings
They take some predigested pills,
Which, so they say, keep off all ills.
And now on good Thanksgiving Day
There is no feasting, as folks say—
"We wish to live for many years,
And of all eating we have fears.
The doctors say corn's full of worms
Known as pellagra's awful germs,
That turkeys cause appendicitis,
Scarlet fever, stomachtitis;
That products of the frying pan
Cause great distress to every man;
That puddings bring us naught but woe,
And therefore we should let them go.
We ne'er will sit around a table
And eat as long as we are able,
Then put it in the daily paper
That Mrs. X. cut such a caper
As to invite fair Madame P.
'Tis vulgar, common, so we think,
To go about and eat and drink,
While people watch us taking food
Which we consider very rude;
So to dark closets we retire
When NATURE calls for more food-fire,
And there on this Thanksgiving Day
We all will go, though not to pray,
But predigested powders take
Instead of turkey, pie and cake."
ON THANKSGIVING
Before you eat good turkey, rich mince and pumpkin pies
On that great feast of feast days when "tum-tums" grow in size,
The good old day THANKSGIVING, the best day in the year,
When all should be so thankful around the board of cheer.
Then don't forget the poor ones, the hungry, cold and sad,
Go fill their empty tables and make the whole world glad
THE PETS' CHRISTMAS CAROL
"Tweet—tweet—tweet!" sang the canary,
Which meant that he was very merry,
Because his little mistress, Nell,
On Christmas eve had fed him well.
"Bow—wow—wow!" sang the gay young pup,
"My master's gone away to sup,
But though he won't be here for tea,
Just see the meal he left for me!"
"Mew—mew—mew!" sang the mama cat,
"Such milk as this will make me fat,
And, oh, I feel so very gay
This cold and frosty Christmas day."
Each mama cow sang "Moo—moo—moo!"
And gentle dove sang—"Coo—coo—coo."
And every horse and sheep and pig,
And duck and chicken, small and big,
A carol sang on Christmas eve,
Because a feast each did receive.
ONLY NAUGHTY CHILDREN SEE "SPOOKS" ON HALLOWE'EN
Witches and goblins, spooks and elves,
With sprites and gnomes from elf-land delves,
To-night are flying here and there,
Yes, up and down and everywhere.
For this one night in all the year
They rule the earth and bring great fear
To all the naughty little boys
Who tease good girls and break their toys.
These spooks they also make girls sad
When they are selfish, cross and bad;
So when it's dark, bad boys and maids.
They see these awful fearsome shades,
And that is why with covered heads,
They trembling lie in their warm beds.
But even there they goblins see,
Spooks and gnomes, and all that be
Abroad upon weird Hallowe'en
When all the wizards may be seen
By naughty kids and grown-up folks
But good young girls and gentle boys,
The kids who are their mothers' joys,
They like the dark just as the light,
For spooks ne'er come within their sight,
And in their dreams the lovely elves
Show them bright scenes from fairy delves.
So, if to-night you are afraid
Of any spook or any shade,
Well know you are a naughty child,
So cross and wilful, rude and wild.
MY EASTER WISH
May flowers of JOY
At EASTER bloom
Within your heart,
Where weeds of gloom
Will fail to find
A place to grow
While JOY remains
As gloom-weeds' foe.
A WHINGWANG SONNET OF AN EASTER BONNET
Once there was a little girl,
But she didn't have a curl,
Though she had an Easter bonnet
With ostrich plumes and flowers on it,
Since like her mother she aspired
À la mode to be attired.
But when she rose on Easter morn
With deepest grief her heart was torn,
For, oh, alas! the rain was falling
In torrents great; to her appalling,
As well she knew 'twould spoil her bonnet
With ostrich plumes and flowers on it.
Her hair in papers she had worn
The whole night through and tortures borne
In hopes to have a curl or two
To wear beneath her bonnet new.
But now, alas, the horrid rain
And so with fear of straightened hair,
Which might cause folks to laugh and stare,
And likewise to protect her bonnet
With ostrich plumes and flowers on it,
She thought it best to stay away
From Sabbath school on Easter day.
MIDSUMMER JOYS
Give me the joys of summer,
Of SUMMER QUEEN so fair,
With wealth of lovely flowers
And fruits and sun-kissed air!
Talk not to me of winter
With ice and frost and snow,
Nor changing spring and autumn
When howling winds will blow.
No, I will take the joys
Of SUMMER every time,
So to this Queen of Seasons
I dedicate my rhyme.
AFTER THE FOURTH WAS OVER
After the Fourth was over, after the play was done,
Poor little John and Willie forgot that they'd had some fun;
John, with his eyes all bandaged, Willie with one eye gone,
Had changed from joyous boys, who rose with the FOURTH'S bright dawn,
Determined to shoot great cannons and frighten some silly girls,
To tie big crackers to dogs' tails, and make the pin wheels whirl.
Tommy with one hand bound up and with a bepowdered face,
Alex with two burned fingers and bones nearly all out of place;
Edgar with one leg broken and poor little Peter with two,
But Mother, who heard them crying, while soothing her darlings to sleep,
Was thankful that some of the pieces she yet was able to keep,
And sad for the weeping mother of poor naughty, unlucky Jim,
As the booming JULY CELEBRATION blew the whole head off of him.
TO MY VALENTINE
I love you now, and come what may,
I'll always love you night and day.
E'en should you grow both poor and old
And so unhappy that you'd scold;
My love for you would ne'er grow cold,
Because I truly love you.
If evil spirits come your way
And tempt you from straight paths to stray,
And every so-called loving friend
No helping hand to you would lend,
To me, dear friend, for help then send,
Because I truly love you.
THE WONDERLAND OF MATEMATIKO
[Written for my teacher, Professor A. R. Hornbrook, of the San Jose Normal School.]
In MATEMATIKO, the wonderful land,
Ruled over by Giants, a most worthy band;
Where all live together in kindness and peace
While helping Earth's mortals whose works never cease.
And also I think that a strong helping hand
Is tendered Mars' children by this goodly band.
But if from these GIANTS their help we would seek
We should be very patient and humble and meek,
And go to their lands over roads smoothed in part
By labors of numerous foregoers' art.
Then back to the Daily-Life-Store-House to stay,
Bring all goodly treasures we found on our way.
The first province reached when we go to this land
Is ruled by ARITHMOS with firm kindly hand.
His regions are traveled by all little ones
Or when Baby's mother cuts apples in two
And gives him "one-half" and one-half to Sue,
His sister, who travels each day in the week
In realms of ARITHMOS for knowledge to seek.
The lands of ARITHMOS then being explored
And the wealth thereby gained being carefully stored,
Wise travelers go on following many a band
Of Pilgrims for Knowledge now seeking the land
Where if they search earnestly surely they'll find
TRUTHS known by QUEEN ALGEBRA, gracious and kind,
Whose roads are far shorter than Arithmos King owns
And freer from troublesome MAD-HASTY-STONES
That fall from MT. ERROR right down on our path
And so often cause us to court DEMON WRATH.
When first viewing GUIDE-BOOKS of ALGEBRA-LAND,
New travelers fear that they can't understand
The queer little figures and x, y's and z's
But after becoming acquainted with these
Good Algebra-Helpers who help and who please,
All seekers for knowledge most gladly resolve
To use these assistants their problems to solve.
Not far from Queen Algebra's realms may be found
King GEOMETRÍO'S rich lands, which abound
With REASON'S clear rivers that flow everywhere,
While watering the EARTH and while cooling the air.
There are many high mountains where travelers will fall
Who heed not the warning that's given to all
By GEOMETRÍO, the giant benign,
Who near to the rugged cliffs puts up this sign—
"To all who are traveling—BEHOLD! now, TAKE HEED!
If walking, go slowly, be fearful of speed.
Be sure to inquire at my palace door
For smooth winding pathways trod often before;
But if you would ride in haste to the top
Then take my good auto which never will stop.
There's none like INTENSE CONCENTRATION, my car
To travelers obeying this Giant's advice,
No "Haste-Wasting-Goblins" will ever entice
To climb ERROR'S MOUNTAIN from which they may fall
To SLOUGH of DESPOND that is dreaded by all;
Or maybe be led by VAIN CONFIDENCE ELVES
Through seeming short byways and flowery delves
To dread DOUBTING CASTLE where cruellest of fates
Through GIANT DESPAIR the traveler awaits.
In GEOMETRÍO'S most wondrous GUIDE-BOOKS
At first one is puzzled if he only looks
At Guides of this Giant who many forms wear,
Some angular figures and others quite square;
Some round like a bullet or like cubes or cones,
But each of these figures some great power owns.
And Geometrío will tell all who ask
How each may be used for a wonderful task—
As making dress patterns for ladies so fair;
Or likewise for ribbons to bind up their hair;
We meet them each day in the rugs at our feet,
Are subjects of GEOMETRÍO'S wise land,
For their useful service we mortals demand.
Near Geometrío's broad regions there lies
The spacious rich country of GOOD GIANT WISE,
Broad-minded, and powerful builder and king,
TRIGONOMETRIO'S loud praises we sing.
From his brother "GEO" materials he takes
From which with his help frail mortal man makes
Tall wonderful buildings which, reaching so high,
We call them "sky-scrapers" as touching the sky.
He also builds churches, cathedrals and schools,
And beautiful mansions are formed by his rules,
Through knowledge man found in this great Giant's home
He has built wondrous spires and many a dome,
And bridges o'er rivers, and tunnels through rocks,
And e'en chained the waters with wonderful locks.
And now with his help a marvelous feat
Of great engineering will soon be complete
In building at Panama as you all know,
A wondrous canal by which we may go
From Father Atlantic to Pacific's sands
Near ALGEBRA-LAND a great GIANT lives
And to earnest students much knowledge he gives,
'Tis good KALKULUSO, abstruse thinking King,
To him all astronomers loud praises sing,
For only through his aid they go to the fount
Of cause and effect that will teach them to count
The days that will pass before all men may see
A coming eclipse on the great STELLAR SEA,
Or comets, or new stars, or maybe new worlds,
To true knowledge seekers this Giant unfurls
Wide forecasting standards as things are to be
In days yet to come upon both land and sea,
And ever this Giant-Wise carries in hand
The banner of TRUTH which he floats o'er his land.
Now, some people say that the great GIANTS' lands
In MATEMATIKO are mere barren sands
Where all travelers find it so hard to advance,
But we who have had even this little glance
At these wondrous regions described by the pen
Of "INSTRUISTINO"[A] will go there again.
Through MATEMATIKO to bright realms beyond.
This wand helps us journey so that we may see
Each road and each crossing and always may be
On straightest of pathways, the PERFECT TRUTH'S WAY,
From which glorious highway we never must stray,
For TRUTH leads to GOD in His bright realms above,
Surrounded by light of the INFINITE LOVE.
[A] My teacher in mathematics, Mrs. A. R. Hornbrook.
EASTER GREETING
May EASTER RABBIT in your heart's nest
Lay the golden egg upon whose quest
All knights and ladies plain and fair,
Are seeking, seeking everywhere.
The longed-for GOLDEN EGG of PEACE,
Which makes all earthly woes to cease
By filling hearts with LOVE FOR OTHERS,
So self's forgot as we help our brothers.
A SKILLET IN SOCIETY (ALIAS A CHAFING DISH)
I heard my mother, just to-day, asking dear old dad
To buy her a nice chafing dish, and make her very glad;
Though he declared its cooking was a waste of alcohol.
Causing indigestion and perhaps a doctor's call.
I never saw a chafing dish and so I longed to know
How it looked and what 'twas for, and so and so and so;
But Mother would not answer and Daddy went away.
So I sought the kitchen, where Bridget holds her sway,
And asked her if she ever saw, since she began to cook,
A chafing dish on pantry shelf or pictured in a book?
Then Bridget turned her pug nose up with a "contemshus" air,
And gave a twist to her small knot of brick-dust colored hair,
And said, "A chafing dish, my dear, so says Miss B. Moriety,
Is but a common skillet pan that's got in High Society."
THE GIANT ARITHMOS
Great Jack the Giant Killer brave, he killed all giants bad,
But one good giant's life was saved by this bold warrior lad.
ARITHMOS was this giant great and all bright girls and boys
Should love the famous Giant-King far more than all their toys.
He's very old, and very great and also wondrous wise,
For he can count all things on earth and even tell their size.
He knows how many birds there are; how high each bird can fly,
But never does he boast or brag or stoop to tell a lie.
He is so tall that he can reach up to the starry sky
And count the stars and meteors bright as swiftly they go by.
'Tis he alone can tell you when a great eclipse will come
He's always so good-natured and obliging to us all
And makes our number work mere play when for his aid we call.
He tells us just the number of ripe apples on a plate,
How far away Chicago is, and if the train be late.
In fact, he always answers us whene'er we ask "How many?"
And for his work and trouble never thinks to ask a penny.
All teachers and professors couldn't teach without his aid,
And men in every business know through him they will be paid.
We cannot sing in perfect tune, nor even play a drum,
Divide an apple, buy a doll, nor do the smallest sum;
And even BRIDGE by ladies fair cannot at all be played
Unless this mighty Giant-King will kindly lend his aid.
So, as we cannot get along without ARITHMOS-LORE,
We all should learn his wondrous truths and love him more and more.