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Frontier Humor in Verse, Prose and Picture

Chapter 37: ROLLER SKATING.
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About This Book

A lively assortment of comic verses, short prose pieces, and illustrated vignettes that lampoon everyday life on the frontier and in small towns. Individual items portray bungled schemes, animal mishaps, social embarrassments, and civic or courtroom absurdities presented with ironic twists. Many pieces are brief rhymes or tall tales while others develop longer humorous narratives, and most are paired with spirited drawings that amplify physical gags and visual punch lines. The overall tone is playful and satirical, aiming to amuse by exposing human foibles through slapstick situations and witty observation.

ROLLER SKATING.

Oh! skating, roller skating now, of pastimes takes the lead;
No more we take the moonlight sail, or mount the prancing steed,
No more to fair, or carnival, no more to masquerade,
No more along the lengthy bridge, the thousands promenade,
No more we see Othello rave, and roll his jealous eyes,
Or Hamlet leaping in the grave, where loved Ophelia lies,
Or see the boasting Falstaff sheath his blade in Percy’s corse,
Or hear the baffled Richard shout, “My kingdom for a horse!”
In vain the minstrels shake the bones, and tell the funny tale,
Their blazoned bill, or blatant band, to draw the public fail;
For those, who still their millions hide, and those at ruin’s brink,
Alike throw business cares aside, and hasten to the Rink.
Talk of your bounding horseback rides, or of the grace indeed.
A maiden shows when she bestrides the frail velocipede;
I charge ye, if you’d see a maid when graceful she appears,
Go see her on the roller skates, as round the Rink she steers.