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George Cruikshank's Omnibus

Chapter 4: OUR PREFACE.
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About This Book

A varied, illustrated miscellany that combines a personal preface and portrait with short essays, satirical sketches, poems, legends, and brief tales. Pieces alternate between humorous observation, social and theatrical commentary, and anecdotal reminiscence, often framed by recurring conversational interludes. Steel and wood engravings punctuate the text and amplify caricatured scenes and topical lampoons. Forms range from epigrams and sonnets to fables and travel vignettes, producing a brisk, fragmentary reading experience that shifts between light satire, domestic curiosity, and pointed remarks on institutions and everyday manners.

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Title: George Cruikshank's Omnibus

Author: George Cruikshank

Editor: Laman Blanchard

Release date: November 20, 2014 [eBook #47400]
Most recently updated: October 24, 2024

Language: English

Credits: Produced by Chris Curnow, Jane Robins and the Online
Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This
file was produced from images generously made available
by The Internet Archive)

*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK GEORGE CRUIKSHANK'S OMNIBUS ***

LONDON:
BRADBURY AND EVANS, PRINTERS, WHITEFRIARS.


CONTENTS.

 PAGE
"Our Preface" described.
My Portrait1
My last pair of Hessian Boots8
Epigram13
Love seeking a Lodging14
Frank Heartwell; or, Fifty Years Ago,15, 39, 76,
   112, 144, 177,
   210, 246, 282.
Monument to Napoleon26
Photographic Phenomena; or, the New School of Portrait Painting29
Commentary on the New Police Act—Punch v. Law33
Original Poetry, by the late Sir Fretful Plagiary, Knt. "Ode to the Human Heart," 
"On Life et cetera," &c.35
Love has Legs52
Bernard Cavanagh, the Irish Cameleon53
The Ass on the Ladder54
Omnibus Chat59
Scene near Hogsnorton61
Chancery Lane Enigmaib.
Sonnets to Macready63
Large Order to a Homœopathic Apothecary, &c.64
"My Vote and Interest." 
A Communication from Mr. Simpleton Schemer, of Doltford Lodge, Crooksley65
The Census72
Love's Masquerading75
The Livery—Out of London89
Omnibus Chat92
Legend of Van Diemen's Land92
The Girl and the Philosopher94
The Grave of the Suicide (who thought better of it).ib.
A Rigid Sense of Duty95
Frights97
A Peep into a Leg-of-Beef Shop100
A Few Notes on Unpaid Letters102
First Discovery of Van Demon's Land104
The Muffin Man120
A Tiger Hunt in England121
Omnibus Chat124
Ingenious Rogueries124
The Sister Sciences of Botany and Horticulture126
Photogenic Pictures, No. II.127
A Negro Boy in the West Indiesib.
Legend of the Kilkenny Cats128
Mademoiselle Rachel129
Frights!—No. II.130
A Short Cruise at Margate132
Epigrams134
Passionate People135
Our New Cooks141
A Song of Contradictions143
A Warm Reception151
Tea-Table Tattle152
Omnibus Chat155
The Fashionsib.
Playbills and Playgoingib.
A Romance of the Orchestra156
One of the Curiosities of Literature157
An Incident of Travel158
Here's a Bit of Fat for You159
Heiress Presumptiveib.
Letter from Mrs. Toddles160
Frights!—No. III. Haunted Houses, &c.161
Little Spitz; by Michael Angelo Titmarsh167
Last Night of Vauxhall; by Laman Blanchard172
A Tale of the Times of Old176
An Anacreontic Fableib.
How to Raise the Wind; by Captain Marryatt, R.N.182
Peep at Bartholomew Fair; by Alpha188
Omnibus Chat191
Association of Ideasib.
Boys at School194
The Laceman's Lamentib.
The Height of Impudence195
Mrs. T. again196
The Artificial Floor for Skating197
Duns Demonstrated; by Edward Howard, Author of "Rattlin the Reefer"199
The Second Sleeper Awakened. Translated by Ali202
Just Going Out; by Laman Blanchard204
A Theatrical Curiosity216
Sliding Scales217
Sketches Here, There, and Everywhere; by A. Bird. A Stage-coach Race218
Another Curiosity of Literature222
A Horrible Passage in My Early Life223
Two of a Trade225
Omnibus Chat226
The Two Naval Heroesib.
Tar and Feathers227
An Acatalectic Monody228
Third Meeting of the Bright-ish Association for the Advancement of Everythingib.
Rum Corks in Stout Bottles229
A Highway Adventure230
Bearded like the Pardib.
Some Account of the Life and Times of Mrs. Sarah Toddles; by Sam Sly231
The Fire at the Tower of London233
Miss Adelaide Kemble238
Jack Gay, Abroad and at Home; by Laman Blanchard240
The King of Brentford's Testament; by Michael Angelo Titmarsh244
The Fire King Flue254
A Passage in the Life of Mr. John Leakey255
Omnibus Chat260
The Clerk, a Parodyib.
The British Association261
Playing on the Piano262
November Weather263
Mrs. Toddlesib.
Jack-o'lantern265
Christmas. By Sam Sly266
A Snap-Dragon. By Charles Hookey Walker, Esq.267
Sonnet to "Some One"ib.
The Homœopathist's Serenade. By Dr. Bulgardoib.
What do you do that for?268
Lines by a Y—g L—y of F—sh—on271
The Frolics of Time. A Striking Adventure. By Laman Blanchard, Esq.272
A Peep (Poetic) at the Age. By A. Bird276
A Still-life Sketch277
A Tale of an Inn278
"Such a Duck!"281
The Postilion289
"The Horse by the Head"292
A Floating Recollection293
The Pauper's Chaunt294
Sketches Here, There, and Everywhere295
Mrs. Toddles299
Sonnet to Mrs. Toddles300
Postscript304

LIST OF ETCHINGS ON STEEL.


"DE OMNIBUS REBUS ET QUIBUSDAM ALIIS."


LIST OF WOOD-CUTS.

 PAGE
1. The peep-showPreface
2. Bust of Shakspeare with pipe2
3. G. C. in a drawing-room4
4. G. C. and a cabman5
5. A pair of bellows6
6. My last pair of Hessians8
7. A pair of shoes13
8. Love seeking a lodging14
9. Monument to Napoleon26
10. Photographic painting29
11. The sun painting all the world and his wife32
12. Love has legs52
13. The ass climbing the ladder54
14. The ass on the ladder54
15. The boy on the ladder54
16. Ditto56
17. A large order64
18. Love masquerading75
19. Foot-boy and bread90
20. Footman and pups91
21. Coachman and dumplings92
22. A rigid sense of duty95
23. Mrs. Toddles96
24. Leg-of-beef shop100
25. The Flying Dutchman106
26. Kangaroo dance109
27. Kangaroo and fiddler111
28. The muffin-man120
29. The strange cat131
30. The round hat and the cocked hat132
31. Sailor chasing Napoleon134
32. A passionate man138
33. T tree152
34. Emperor of China cutting off his own nose    153
35. Chinese cavalry153
36. Tea-pot154
37. The fashions155
38. The boy's revenge159
39. The living pincushion159
40. Mrs. Toddles160
41. Materials for making a ghost163
42. The ghost163
43. The bell-pull and the pigtail166
44. Little Spitz167
45. Last night of Vauxhall—the balloon172
46. Simpson à la Shakspeare175
47. Cupid with an umbrella176
48. Love breaking hearts176
49. Height of impudence195
50. Mrs. Toddles at Margate196
51. Ditto196
52. The Dun200
53. The Second Sleeper202
54. Sliding Scale217
55. Mile-stones—on the Rail-road222
56. Butcher's Boy225
57. Tar and Feathers227
58. Corks229
59. Turnpikeman and the Elephant230
60. Three Figures of Fashion230
61. Plan of the Tower of London233
62. Bowyer Tower235
63. Camperdown Anchor235
64. Lady Jane's Room236
65. The Fire-king Flue236
66. Grenadiers playing on the Piano262
67. Fireman playing on a Piano263
68. Colonel Walker (or Talker)264
69. Mrs. Toddles in a Fit264
70. Such a Duck281
71. The Horse by the Head292
72. Sheer Tyranny294
73. Sheer Kindness294
74. Pope's Guard296
75. Building an Angel297
76. Mrs. Toddles in the Dickey299
77. Mrs. T. and the Colonel dancing299
78. As Broad as it's Long300


OUR PREFACE.

We have been entreated by a great many juvenile friends to "tell 'em all about our Engraved Preface in No. I.;" and entreaties from tender juveniles we never could resist. So, for their sakes, we enter into a little explanation concerning the great matters crowded into "our Preface." All children of a larger growth are, therefore, warned to skip this page if they please—it is not for them, who are, of course, familiar with the ways of the world—but only for the little dears who require a Guide to the great Globe they are just beginning to inhabit.

Showman.—"Now then, my little masters and missis, run home to your mammas, and cry till they give you all a shilling apiece, and then bring it to me, and I'll show you all the pretty pictures."

So now, my little masters and misses, have you each got your No. 1 ready? Always take care of that. Now then, please to look at the top of the circular picture which represents the world, and there you behold Her Majesty Queen Victoria on her throne, holding a court, with Prince Albert, in his field-marshal's uniform, by her side, and surrounded by ladies, nobles, and officers of state. A little to the right are the heads of the Universities, about to present an address. Above the throne you behold the noble dome of St. Paul's, on each side of which may be seen the tall masts of the British navy. Cast your eyes, my pretty dears, below the throne, and there you behold Mr. and Mrs. John Bull, and three little Bulls, with their little bull-dog; one little master is riding his papa's walking-stick, while his elder brother is flying his kite—a pastime to which a great many Bulls are much attached. Miss Bull is content to be a little lady with a leetle parasol, like her mamma. To the right of the kite you behold an armed man on horseback, one of those curious figures which, composed of goldbeater's skin, used to be sent up some years ago to astonish the natives; only they frightened 'em into fits, and are not now sent up, in consequence of being put down. And now you see "the world goes round." Turn your eyes a little to the right to the baloon and parachute, and then look down under the smoke of a steamer, and you behold a little sweep flourishing his brush on the chimney-top, and wishing perhaps that he was down below there with Jack-in-the-green. Now then, a little more to the right—where you see a merry dancing-group of our light-heeled and light-hearted neighbours, the leader of the party playing the fiddle and dancing on stilts, while one of his countrymen is flying his favourite national kite—viz., the soldier. In the same vicinity, are groups of German gentlemen, some waltzing, and some smoking meerschaums; near these are foot-soldiers and lancers supporting the kite-flyer. Now, near the horse, my little dears, you will see the mule, together with the Spanish muleteers, who, if not too tired, would like to take part in that fandango performed to the music of the light guitar. Look a little to the left, and you behold a quadrille-party, where a gentleman in black is pastorale-ing all the chalk off the floor; and now turn your eyes just above these, and you behold a joyful party of convivialists, with bottles in the ice-pail and bumpers raised, most likely to the health of our gracious Queen, or in honour of the Great Captain of the Age. And now, my little dears, turn your eyes in a straight line to the right, and you will perceive St. Peter's at Rome, beneath which are two young cardinals playing at leap-frog, not at all frightened at the grand eruption of Mount Vesuvius which is going on in the distance. From this you must take a leap on to the camel's back, from which you will obtain a view of the party sitting just below, which consists of the grand Sultan smoking desperately against Ali Pacha. Now, look a little lower down, and you will see a famous crocodile-catcher of the Nile, said to bear a striking resemblance to Commodore Napier; and now, look upwards again to the farthest verge, and you behold the great Pyramid, and a wild horseman chasing an ostrich not so wild as himself. Now, the world goes round a little more, and you see some vast mountains, together with the temples of Hindostan; and upon the palm-tree you will find the monkeys pulling one another's tails, being very uneducated and having nothing else to do: here, also, you will discern the Indian jugglers, one throwing the balls, and another swallowing the sword, a very common thing in these parts. And now, my little dears, you can plainly see several very independent gentlemen and loyal subjects standing on their heads in presence of the Emperor of ever so many worlds, and the brother of the sun and moon; and behind these, hiding the wall of China, you will see a quantity of steam, (for they are in hot water there,) that issues from the tea-kettles. Leaving his Celestial Majesty smoking his opium, and passing the junks, temples, and pagodas, you see a Chinese joss upon his pedestal; and now you can descend and join that pretty little tea-party, where you will recognise some of your old acquaintances on tea-cups; only, if you are afraid of the lion which you see a long way off, you can turn to the left, and follow the tiger that is following the elephant like mad: and now, my little dears, you can jump for safety into that palanquin carried by the sable gentry, or perhaps you would join the party of Persians seated a little lower, only they have but one dish and no plates to eat out of. Just above this dinner-party you behold some live venison, or a little antelope eating his grass for dinner while a boa-constrictor is creeping up with the intention of dining upon him; so you had better make your way to that giraffe, who is feeding upon the tops of trees, which habit is supposed to have occasioned the peculiar shape of that remarkable quadruped; and now you fall again in the way of that ramping lion, from whose jaws a black is retreating only to encounter a black brother more savage than the wild beast. And now, if your eye follows that gang of slaves, chained neck to neck, who are being driven off to another part of the world, you will see what treatment they are doomed to experience there, in the flogging which is being administered to one of their colour—that is to say, black as the vapour issuing from that mountain in the distance; it is Chimborao, or Cotapaxi, I can't say exactly which, but it shall be whichever you please, my pretty little dears. In the smoke of it an eagle is carrying off a lamb—do you see?—Stop, let me wipe the glasses!—Ah, yes, and now you can clearly behold a gentleman of the United States smoking his cigar in his rocking-chair. A little behind is another gentleman driving his sleigh, and in front you won't fail to see an astonishing personage, who has just caught a cayman, or American crocodile, which he is balancing on his walking-stick, on purpose to amuse little boys and girls like you. At his side is the celebrated runaway nigger represented by Mr. Mathews, who says, "Me no likee confounded workee; me likee to sit in a sun, and play fiddle all day." Over his head is a steam-vessel, and at his feet an Indian canoe; towards it a volume of smoke is ascending from a fire, round which some savages are dancing with feeling too horrible to think of. So instead of stopping to dinner here, my little masters and misses, you would much rather, I dare say, take pot-luck with that group of gipsies above, who are going to regale upon a pair of boiled fowls, which I hope they came honestly by. Talking of honesty, we start upwards to the race-course; and now goes the world round again, until you get sight of a gentleman with a stick in his hand, who has evidently a great stake in the race, and who is so rejoiced at having won, that he is unconscious of what he is all the while losing in the abstraction of his pocket-book. And now we are in the midst of the fair, where we see the best booth, and merry doings in the shape of a boxing-match; but as "music has charms," turn your eyes and your ears too some little distance downwards in the direction of the organ player and the tambourine, where you will find some jovial drinkers, not far from the harp and violin of the quadrille-party. I hope their music won't be drowned by the noise of that Indian, to the left, beating the tom-tom, while the nautch-girls are dancing as if they couldn't help it, all to amuse the mighty Emperor of all the Smokers and Prince of Tobacco, who is seated, hookah in hand, in the centre of the globe—where we must leave him to his enjoyment, tracing our way back to the jovial drinking-party, where you will see Jack capering ashore, and getting on perhaps a little too fast, while the donkey-boy above him can't get on at all, and the fox-hunter, still higher up, seems to be in danger of getting off—especially if his horse should happen to be startled by his brother-sportsman's gun behind him. And now, my little dears, the gun has brought us round again to the royal guards, where the band is playing, in glorious style, God save the Queen! And thus ends, where it began, my History of the World!