Hanky Panky

CATCHES AND QUIBBLES.

For a wager, two men ate nuts: the one ate ninety-nine, the other a hundred and won [one], how many did the winner eat more than the loser?—One.

A specimen of that noble animal, the horse, having been paraded before a company enthusiastic upon its faultlessness, modestly but firmly insist upon it, that—without pretending to any great veterinary knowledge—you can see with a quarter of an eye that the gorgeous steed has “the lifts.” The name of this mysterious complaint being somewhat analogous to that of the “heaves,” a torrent of indignation will doubtlessly burst upon you. On being forced to give an explanation, you can, with the fearlessness of truth, explain that if the creature did not have “the lifts,” could it move its feet off the ground.

How to Push a Lady’s Head through a Wedding Ring.—Run your finger through the ring and touch the lady’s head with the tip.

How many Bank of England notes will weigh down a sovereign? Only seven will more than equal the coin in weight.

How to Make a Lady Stick out Her Little Finger.—The best way of securing this effect is to put on the finger a diamond ring. The mere desire to display the diamond to the best advantage is sure to make the lady stick out her little finger in the most charming manner possible. When the effect begins to fail, substitute another ring of greater brilliancy.

Addendum.—A ring at the door-bell has been known to make a lady stick her head out of the window.—Hanky Panky.

One of the company having related a story which lauds his moral excellence, observe that, spite of his pretentions, you know what will hang him! At the end of his indignation—answer, a rope!

Squaring Accounts.—A day or two since an inveterate joker met his friend, Hanky Panky, Esq., in the street, whom he knows to be a great dog fancier. With a twinkle in his eye and an inquiring look in his countenance he anxiously asked him if he had seen the new breed of imported dogs, the “Sooner.” Professor Panky replied that he had not, and wished to know the peculiarity of the breed.

“They’d sooner stay in the house than go out of doors,” was the reply, as the joker cautiously moved away, shaking his sides and winking.

The prestidigitateur determined to be even, and the next time he met the joker he seriously remarked:

“You’ve been to Smith de Brown’s, haven’t you?”

“No, why?”

“I thought you knew he had got back his tray of diamonds.”

“No, is that so? How did he get it?”

“He took it with the four ‘spot.’”

The playful youth suddenly remembered a very pressing engagement and hurried away, remarking, “I—I—I’ll see you again, Doctor Hanky, I—I—I don’t quite understand.”

A lady occupying a room, letter B, at an hotel, wrote on the slate as follows: “Wake letter B at seven; and if letter B says ‘let her be,’ don’t let her be, nor let letter B be, because if you let letter B be letter B will be unable to let her house to Mr. B., who is to call at half-past ten.” The porter—a much better bootblack than orthographist—after studying the above all night, did not know whether to wake letter B or let her be.

A young man asked a young lady how old she was, and replied “6 times 7 and 7 times 3 added to my age will exceed 6 times 9 and 4, as double my age exceeds 20.” The young man thought she looked much older.

What is the difference between twice twenty-eight and twice eight and twenty?—Twenty; because twice twenty-eight are fifty-six, and twice eight and twenty are thirty-six.

One of 10 loves what 1028.

ADDRESS ON A LETTER.

Answer.—John Underwood, Andover, Hants.

ALGEBRAIC SQUARING OF THE CIRCLE.

A BUNCH OF ANAGRAMS.

A good anagram was once made from the translation in the Vulgate of Pontius Pilate’s last question to our Saviour, “What is truth”—“Quid est veritas?” The anagram answers, “Est vir qui adest”—“It is the man who is before you.” This example complies with the conditions of a perfect anagram. It employs all the letters—does not depend on pronunciation—and makes the anagramatised sentence an answer to the direct form.

Wilkie Collins.—We coil in skill.

Guiseppe Garibaldi.—Gape Pig! as I re-build.

Eugénie Imperatrice.—Mere Peace! I intrigue.

There is a word of 14 letters of which the 3rd and 14th form an article; 6, 10, 5, and 1 a noun; 12, a pronoun; 6, 10, and 2, a verb; 4, 13, and 11, an adverb; 8, 9, 7, and 6, an adjective; 14, 13, 9, a conjunction; 3, 11, a preposition; and the 13th an interjection: thus the word contains in itself the whole 8 parts of speech, and its meaning is in accordance with its anagrammatic changes. The word is

3, 14 = an; 6, 10, 5, 1 = mast; 12=I; 6, 10, 2 = mar; 4, 13, 11 = not; 8, 9, 7, 6 = grim; 14, 13, 9 = nor; 3, 11 = at; 13 = O.

HANKY PANKY TO HIS NIECES, WITH A SET OF CHESSMEN.

THE ALPHABETICAL FORTUNE TELLER.

The Moslems have recourse, to determine them when they are in doubt as to any action, to a table called Zairgeh, divided into a hundred squares, in each of which is written some Arabic letter. The person who consults it, repeats three times the opening chapter of the Koran, and 58th verse of the sixth chapter. “With Him are the keys of the secret things: none knoweth them but him. He knoweth whatever is on the dry ground or in the sea; there falleth no leaf but He knoweth it; neither is there a single grain in the dark parts of the earth, nor a green thing, nor a dry thing, but it is written in a perspicuous book.” He places his finger at random upon the table; he then looks to see upon what letter his finger is placed, writes that letter, the fifth following it, and the fifth following this, until he comes to the first which he wrote, and these letters together compose the answer. The construction of the table is thus:—

For example, suppose the finger to be placed on the letter s, second in the fourth line, we take from the table the letters:—

s—i—t—w—i—l—l—d—o—w—r—o—n—g—w—a—i—t—a—n, which forms the answer:—“Wait an(d) sit will do wrong,” an incentive to action quite clear.

The sentence always commences with the first of the letters taken from the uppermost line. It will be seen that the table gives only five answers, one of these with whatever letter of the alphabet we commence. The framer of the table, knowing that men very frequently wish to do wrong, and seldom to do what is right, and that it is generally safer for them to abstain when in doubt, has given but one affirmative answer, and four negative.

It was by this means that the dishonest Arab found out that Livingstone was dead and did not want the goods he was taking to him, which shows how reliable a forecast can be thus made. (See The Finding of Livingstone.)

A Chinese Puzzle.—A Chinaman died, leaving his property by will to his three sons, as follows: “To Fum-Hum, the eldest, one half thereof; to Nu-Pin, his second son, one-third thereof; and to Ding-Bat, his youngest, one-ninth thereof.” When the property was inventoried, it was found to consist of nothing more nor less than seventeen elephants, and it puzzled these three heirs how to divide the property according to the terms of the will without chopping up the seventeen elephants, and thus perhaps injuring their lives. Finally, they applied to a wise Neighbour, Y-sa-cur, for advice. Y-sa-cur had an elephant of his own. He drove it into the yard with the seventeen, and said, “Now, we will suppose that your father left these eighteen elephants. Fum-Hum, take your half, and depart.” So Fum-Hum took nine elephants and went his way. “Now, Nu-Pin,” said the wise man, “take your third, and remove!” So Nu-Pin took six elephants and travelled. “Now Ding-Bat,” said the wise man, “take your ninth, and begone.” So Ding-Bat took two elephants and absquatulated. Then Y-sa-cur took his own elephant and drove home again.

Query: Was the property divided according to the terms of the will?

TO GUESS THE POINTS THROWN WITH DICE.

While I turn away my head, let some one throw a pair of dice and count the pips, and add to this sum the amount on the bottom face of either one of them. Now, throw again and add these new points.

I now turn and look, and tell the whole number thrown.

Explanation.—When you look, you count the faces seen, and add seven. This is a pretty little trick.

Arithmetically speaking, would not the world be happier if all were 2 B 1 0 0 1 5 1 5 0.
C  I   V   I  L 2 1 another.

Dates of important events in the lives of eminent men are supposed to have a mysterious meaning of a prophetical tendency.

The process of forecasting is to take the number of years between a man’s birthday and that of his marriage or first notable occurrence, which number added to the second date should give the year of his next distinguished action. For instance, by comparing the dates of special significance in the life of Pius IX. we discover that the figures of each sum up to 19. Thus Mastai Ferretti was born in 1792, ordained in 1819, chosen pope in 1846. The next year distinguished by the same peculiarity is 1873, when consequently some great event will again happen to him. What this is to be, time will show.