A FELICITOUS MEDICAL PRESCRIPTION
For human woes, for human ills,
My learned Muse an anodyne distills,—
A priceless panacea for the sad.
Some balm she has, some extracts of herbs she gathers among the hills,
(Take one small teaspoonful if you’re really feeling bad)
Some tinctures rare she stores, of sweet, medicinal water-flowers,—
(Warranted to “kill pain” in two hours!)
Some infusions of lotus leaves, fresh plucked from pools in fancy’s rills
(Oh, what a long-felt want, this “all-curative” fills!)
Just one minim will do you much good;—a gill will make you unusually glad.
(Only known sure specific for poor human wights gone mad.)
Truly there’s nothing better in Earth’s pharmacies!
Try one “free-trial package” every fortnight if you choose.
A “prize gift box” will flush pale cheeks and brighten saddened eyes;
And enough of the wonderful “stuff” just knocks the socks off of the blues.
Sad friend—have hope! have hope!
Don’t fret, don’t fuss, don’t mope;
Just take your dope! Just take your dope!
No good, no good to swear or pine,
(When, Great Scot’s! There’s heaps of virtue in our anti-trouble pills!)
And zounds—look at the price! That surely should suit fine:—
“Doc” pays the bills! “Doc” pays the bills!