[Silence. The gentleman stands with a finger on his forehead, thinking.]
Gentleman
Find something—find something ... Eureka!
Polly
That means found. Come!
Gentleman
Eureka—— I shall be among you, he who gets slapped. [General laughter. Even Briquet smiles.]
Gentleman
[Looks at them smiling]: You see I made even you laugh—is that easy? [All grow serious. Polly sighs.]
Tilly
No, it's not easy. Did you laugh, Polly?
Polly
Tilly
I did. [Imitating an instrument, he plays with his lips a melody at once sad and gay.]
Jackson
"He Who Gets Slapped," that's not bad.
Gentleman
It's not, is it? I rather like it myself. It suits my talent. And comrades, I have even found a name—you'll call me "He." Is that all right?
Jackson
[Thinking]: "He"—Not bad.
Consuelo
[In a singing, melodic voice]: "He" is so funny—"He"—like a dog. Daddy, are there such dogs?
[Jackson suddenly gives a circus slap to the gentleman. HE steps back and grows pale.]
Gentleman
What!—[General laughter covers his exclamation.]
Jackson
He Who Gets Slapped. Or didn't you get it?
Polly
[Comically]: He says he wants more—— [The gentleman smiles, rubbing his cheek.]
Gentleman
So sudden.—Without waiting.—How funny—you didn't hurt me, and yet my cheek burns.
[Again there is loud laughter. The clowns cackle like ducks, hens, cocks; they bark. Zinida says something to Briquet, casts a glance toward Bezano, and goes out. Mancini assumes a bored air and looks at his watch. The two actresses go out.]
Jackson
Take him, Papa Briquet—he will push us.
Mancini
[Again looking at his watch]: But bear in mind, that Papa Briquet is as close as Harpagon. If you expect to get good money here you are mistaken. [HE laughs.] A slap? What's a slap? Worth only small change, a franc and a half a dozen. Better go back to society; you will make more money there. Why for one slap, just a light tap, you might say, my friend, Marquis Justi, was paid fifty thousand lire!
Briquet
Shut up, Mancini. Will you take care of him, Jackson.
Jackson
I can.
Polly
Do you like music? A Beethoven sonata played on a broom, for instance, or Mozart on a bottle?
He
Alas! No. But I will be exceedingly grateful if you will teach me. A clown! My childhood's dream. When all my school friends were thrilled by Plutarch's heroes, or the light of science—I dreamed of clowns. Beethoven on a broom, Mozart on bottles! Just what I have sought all my life! Friends, I must have a costume!
Jackson
I see you don't know much! A costume [putting his finger on his forehead] is a thing which calls for deep thought. Have you seen my Sun here? [Strikes his posterior.] I looked for it two years.
He
[Enthusiastically]: I shall think!
Mancini
It is time for me to go. Consuelo, my child, you must get dressed. [To HE.] We are lunching with Baron Regnard, a friend of mine, a banker.
Consuelo
But I don't want to go, Daddy. Alfred says I must rehearse to-day.
Mancini
[Horrified, holding up his hands]: Child, think of me, and what a situation you put me in! I promised the Baron, the Baron expects us. Why, it is impossible! Oh, I am in a cold sweat.
Consuelo
Alfred says——
Bezano
[Drily]: She has to work. Are you rested? Then come on.
Mancini
But—the devil take me if I know what to make of it. Hey, Bezano, bareback rider! Are you crazy? I gave you permission for Art's sake, to exercise my daughter's talent—and you——
Consuelo
Go along, Papa, and don't be so silly. We've got to work, haven't we? Have lunch along with your Baron. And Daddy, you forgot to take a clean handkerchief again, and I washed two for you yesterday. Where did you put them?
Mancini
[Ashamed, blushing]: Why, my linen is washed by the laundress, and you, Consuelo, are still playing with toys. It is stupid! You're a chatter-box. You don't think. These gentlemen might imagine Heaven knows what. How stupid. I'm off.
Consuelo
Do you want me to write him a little note?
Mancini
[Angrily]: A little note? Your little notes would make a horse laugh! Good-bye.
[He goes out toying angrily with his cane. The clowns follow him respectfully, playing a funeral march. HE and Jackson laugh. The actors disappear one by one.]
Consuelo
[Laughing]: Do I really write so badly? And I love so to write. Did you like my note, Alfred—or did you laugh, too?
Bezano
[Blushing]: No, I did not. Come on, Consuelo.
[They go, and meet Zinida, entering. Consuelo passes on.]
Zinida
Are you going back to work, Bezano?
Bezano
[Politely]: Yes. To-day is a very bad day. How are your lions, Zinida? I think the weather affects them.
Consuelo
Zinida
Yes. Some one is calling you. You'd better go. [Alfred goes out. To Briquet] Are you finished?
Briquet
Right away.
Jackson
Then good-bye till evening. Think about your costume, He, and I shall look for some idea, too. Be here at ten to-morrow. Don't be late, or you'll get another slap. And I'll work with you.
He
I shall not be late. [He looks after Jackson who goes out.] Must be a nice man. All the people about you are so nice, Papa Briquet. I suppose that good-looking bareback rider is in love with Consuelo, isn't he? [Laughs.]
Zinida
It's none of your business. For a newcomer you go poking your nose too far. How much does he want, Papa?
Briquet
Just a minute. See here He. I don't want to make a contract with you.
He
Just as you please. Do you know what? Don't let us talk about money. You are an honest fellow, Briquet; you will see what my work is worth to you, and then——
Briquet
[Pleased]: Now that's very nice of you. Zinida, the man really doesn't know anything.
Zinida
Well, do as he suggests. Now we must write it down. Where's the book?
Briquet
Here. [To HE.] I don't like to write [gives book to Zinida], but we have to put down the names of the actors, you know—it's police regulations. Then if anyone kills himself, or——
[Again comes the sound of the Tango, and calls from the ring.]
Zinida
What is your name?
He
[Smiling]: He. I chose it, you know. Or don't you like it?
Briquet
We like it all right—but we have to have your real name. Have you a passport?
He
[Confused]: A passport? No, I have none. Or, rather, yes. I have something of the kind, but I had no idea the rules were strictly enforced here. What do you need papers for?
[Zinida and Briquet look at each other. Zinida pushes the book aside.]
Zinida
Then we can't take you. We cannot quarrel with the police, just on your account.
Briquet
She is my wife. I hadn't told you. She's right. You might get hurt by a horse, or hurt yourself—or do something. We don't know you, you see. I personally don't care, but out there, it's different, you see. For me a corpse is just a corpse—and I don't ask anything about him. It's up to God or the Devil. But they—they're too curious. Well, I suppose it's necessary for order. I don't know—— Got a card?
He
[Rubs his head, thinking]: What shall I do? I have my card, but [smiles] you understand that I don't want my name to be known.
Briquet
Some story, hey?
He
Yes, something like that. Why can't you imagine that I have no name? Can't I lose it as I might lose my hat? Or let someone else take it by mistake? When a stray dog comes to you, you don't ask his name—you simply give him another. Let me be that dog. [Laughing] He—the Dog!
Zinida
Why don't you tell us your name, just the two of us. Nobody else need know it. Unless you should break your neck——
He
[Hesitates]: Honestly? [Zinida shrugs her shoulders.]
Briquet
Where people are honest, their word is good. One sees you come from out there.
He
All right. But please, don't be surprised. [Gives Zinida his card. She looks at it, then hands it to Briquet, then both look at HE.]
Briquet
If it is true, sir, that you are really what is written here——
He
For heaven's sake—for heaven's sake—this does not exist, but was lost long ago; it is just a check for an old hat. I pray you to forget it, as I have. I am He Who Gets Slapped—nothing else. [Silence.]
Briquet
I beg your pardon, sir, but I must ask you again, I must humbly ask you—are you not drunk, sir? There is something in your eye—something——
He
No, no. I am He, Who Gets Slapped. Since when do you speak to me like this, Papa Briquet? You offend me.
Zinida
After all, it's his business, Briquet. [She hides the card.] Truly you are a strange man. [Smiles.] And you have already noticed that Bezano is in love with the horse-girl? And that I love my Briquet, did you notice that, too?
He
[Also smiling]: Oh, yes. You adore him.
Zinida
I adore him. Now go with him, Briquet, show him the ring and the stables—I have something to write.
He
Yes, yes, please. I am so happy. At last you have taken me, haven't you? It is true—you're not joking. The circus, the tan-bark, the ring in which I shall run getting my slaps. Yes, yes, Briquet, let's go. Until I feel the sawdust under my feet, I shall not believe it.
Briquet
All right then. [Kisses Zinida.] Come on.
Zinida
Just a minute—He! Answer me a question. I have a man who takes care of the cages, a plain fellow whom nobody knows. He just cleans the cages you know; he walks in and out whenever he wants to, without even looking at the lions, as if he were perfectly at home. Why is that so? Nobody knows him, everybody knows me, everyone is afraid for me, while—— And he is such a silly man—you will see him. [Laughs.] But don't you think of entering the cage yourself! My red one would give you such a slap!
Briquet
[Displeased]: There you are again, Zinida—stop it.
Zinida
[Laughs]: All right—go. Oh yes, Louis, send me Bezano. I have to settle an account with him.
[He and the director go out. Zinida looks at the card once more, then hides it. She gets up and walks quickly up and down the room. She stops to listen to the Tango, which ends abruptly. Then she stands motionless, looking straight at the dark opening of the door through which Bezano comes.]
Bezano
[Entering]: You called me, Zinida? What do you want? Tell me quickly, I have no time——
[Zinida looks at him silently. Bezano flushes with anger, and knits his eyebrows. He turns to the door to go.]
Zinida
Bezano!
Bezano
[Stops, without looking up]: What do you want? I have no time.
Zinida
Bezano! I keep hearing people say that you are in love with Consuelo. Is it true?
Bezano
[Shrugging his shoulders]: We work well together.
Zinida
[Takes a step forward]: No—— Tell me, Alfred, do you love her?
Bezano
[Flushes like a boy, but looks straight into Zinida's eyes. Proudly]: I do not love anybody. No, I love nobody. How can I? Consuelo? She is here to-day, gone to-morrow, if her father should take her away. And I? Who am I? An acrobat, the son of a Milanese shoemaker—— She! I cannot even talk about it. Like my horses I have no words. Who am I to love?
Zinida
Do you love me? A little?
Bezano
No. I told you before.
Zinida
Still no? Not even a little?
Bezano
[After a silence]: I am afraid of you.
Zinida
[Wants to cry out, indignantly, but masters herself and lowers her eyes, as if in an effort to shut out their light; turns pale]: Am I ... so terrifying a woman——
Bezano
You are beautiful, like a queen. You are almost as beautiful as Consuelo. But I don't like your eyes. Your eyes command me to love you—and I don't like to be commanded. I am afraid of you.
Zinida
Do I command, Bezano? No—only implore.
Bezano
Then why not look at me straight? Now I have it. You know yourself that your eyes cannot implore. [Laughs.] Your lions have spoiled you.
Zinida
My red lion loves me——
Bezano
Never! If he loves you, why is he so sad?
Zinida
Yesterday he was licking my hands like a dog.
Bezano
And this morning he was looking for you to devour you. He thrusts out his muzzle and looks out, as if he sees only you. He is afraid of you, and he hates you. Or do you want me to lick your hands too, like a dog?
Zinida
No, Alfred, but I—I want to kiss your hand. [With passion]: Give it to me!
Bezano
[Severely]: I am ashamed to listen to you when you speak like that.
Zinida
[Controlling herself]: One should not torture another as you torture me. Alfred, I love you. No, I do not command. Look into my eyes—— I love you. [Silence.]
Bezano
Zinida
Alfred——
[He appears in the doorway, and stops.]
Bezano
Please never tell me any more that you love me. I don't want it. Otherwise I will quit. You pronounce the word love as if you were cracking me with your whip. You know it is disgusting——
[He turns brusquely and goes. Both notice HE; Bezano, frowning, passes out quickly. Zinida returns to her place at the desk, with a proudly indifferent expression.]
He
[Coming in]: I beg your pardon, but I——
Zinida
There you are again, poking your nose into everything, He. Do you really want a slap?
He
[Laughing]: No. I simply forgot my overcoat. I didn't hear anything.
Zinida
I don't care whether you did or not.
He
May I take my coat?
Zinida
Take it if it's yours. Sit down, He.
He
I am sitting down.
Zinida
Now tell me He, could you love me?
He
[Laughing]: I? I and Love! Look at me, Zinida. Did you ever see a lover with such a face?
Zinida
One can succeed with such a face——
He
That's because I am happy—because I lost my hat—because I am drunk—or perhaps I am not drunk. But I feel as dizzy as a young girl at her first ball. It is so nice here—slap me, I want to play my part. Perhaps it will awaken love in my heart, too. Love—[as if listening to his own heart with pretended terror] do you know—I feel it!
[In the circus the Tango is played again.]
Zinida
[Listening too]: For me?
He
No. I don't know. For everyone. [Listens to the music.] Yes, they are dancing—how beautiful Consuelo is—and how beautiful is the youth. He has the body of a Greek God; he looks as if he had been modeled by Praxiteles. Love! Love! [Silence, music..]
Zinida
Tell me, He——
He
At your service, Queen!
Zinida
He, what shall I do, to make my lions love me?
ACT II
The same room, during the evening performance. Occasional music, laughter, shrieks, and applause are audible. Through the small windows, back centre, the light is shining.
Consuelo and Baron Regnard occupy the stage; Consuelo wears her stage costume; she sits with her feet on the sofa, a small shawl covering her shoulders. Before her stands the Baron, a tall stout man in evening dress, a rose in his button-hole; grasping the ground with feet well apart, he gazes at her with convex spider-like eyes.
Baron
Is it true that your father, the Count, has introduced you to a certain Marquis Justi, a very rich man?
Consuelo
[Surprised]: No, he is only joking. I have often heard him speak of a Marquis Justi but I have never seen him——
Baron
And do you know that your father is just a charlatan?
Consuelo
Oh! Don't say that—Father is such a dear.
Baron
Did you like the jewels?
Consuelo
Yes, very much. I was very sorry when Father told me I must return them. He said it would not be nice for me to keep them. I even cried a little about it.
Baron
Your father is only a beggar and a charlatan.
Consuelo
Oh, no, don't scold him—he loves you so much.
Baron
Let me kiss your hand——
Consuelo
Oh, no, it isn't proper! One may kiss the hand only when one says how do you do or good-bye. But in the meantime you can't.
Baron
Everybody is in love with you, that is why you and your father make such a fuss about yourselves. Who is that new clown they call He? I don't like him, he's too shrewd a beast.... Is he in love with you, too? I noticed the way he looked at you....
Consuelo
[Laughing]: Nothing of the kind. He is so funny! He got fifty-two slaps yesterday. We counted them. Think of it, fifty-two slaps! Father said, "if they had only been gold pieces."
Baron
And Bezano, Consuelo.... Do you like him?
Consuelo
Yes, very much. He is so good-looking. He says that Bezano and I are the most beautiful couple in the world. He calls him Adam, and me Eve. But that's improper, isn't it? He is so improper.
Baron
And does He speak to you very often?
Consuelo
Yes, often.... But I don't understand him. It seems as if he were drunk.
Baron
"Consuelo"!... It means in Spanish ... Consolation. Your father is an ass.... Consuelo, I love you.
Consuelo
Talk it over with Father.
Baron
[Angry]: Your father is a swindler and a charlatan. He should be turned over to the police. Don't you understand that I cannot marry you?
Consuelo
But Father says you can....
Baron
No, I cannot. And what if I shoot myself? Consuelo, silly girl, I love you unbearably ... unbearably, do you understand? I am probably mad ... and must be taken to a doctor, yanked about, beaten with sticks. Why do I love you so much, Consuelo?
Consuelo
Then, you'd better marry.
Baron
I have had a hundred women, beauties, but I didn't see them. You are the first and I don't see any one else. Who strikes man with love, God or the Devil? The Devil struck me. Let me kiss your hand.
Consuelo
No. [She thinks a while and sighs.]
Baron
Do you think sometimes? What are you thinking about now Consuelo?
Consuelo
[With another sigh]: I don't know why, I just felt sorry for Bezano. [Sighs again.] He is so nice to me when he teaches me ... and he has such a tiny little room.
Baron
Consuelo
No. He told me about it. [Smiling] Do you hear the noise in there? That's He getting slapped. Poor thing ... although I know it doesn't hurt, it's only make-believe. The intermission is coming soon.
[The Baron throws away his cigar, takes two quick steps forward, and falls on his knees before the girl.]
Baron
Consuelo——
Consuelo
Please, don't. Get up. Please leave my hand alone.
Baron
Consuelo!
Consuelo
[Disgusted]: Get up please, it's disgusting—you're so fat.
[The Baron gets up. Voices are heard near the door and in the ring. It is the intermission. The clowns come first, talking cheerfully and excitedly. He leads them, in his clown's dress, with painted eyebrows and white nose; the others are applauding him. Voices of the actors calling: "Bravo! He." Then come the actors and actresses, riding-masters, and the rest, all in costume. Zinida is not among them. Papa Briquet comes a little later.]
Polly
A hundred slaps! Bravo, He!
Jackson
Not bad, not bad at all. You'll make a career.
Tilly
He was the Professor to-day, and we were the students. Here goes another! [Gives him a clown's slap. Laughter. All bid good evening to the Baron. He is politely rude to these vagabonds who bore him, and remains silent. They seem quite used to it. Enter Mancini. He is the same, and with the same cane.]
Mancini
[Shaking hands]: What a success, Baron—and think of it—how the crowd does love slaps. [Whispering] Your knees are dusty, Baron, brush them off. The floor is very dirty in here. [Aloud] Consuelo, dear child, how do you feel? [Goes over to his daughter. Sound of laughing, chattering. The waiters from the buffet in the lobby bring in soda and wine. Consuelo's voice it heard.]
Consuelo
And where is Bezano?
He
[Bows before the Baron, affecting intimacy]: You do not recognize me, Baron?
Baron
Yes I do. You are the clown, He.
He
Yes I am He Who Gets Slapped. May I presume to ask you, Baron, did you get your jewels back?
Baron
What!
He
I was asked to return some jewels to you, and I take the liberty of—— [The Baron turns his back on him—He laughs loudly.]
Jackson
Whiskey and soda! Believe me, ladies and gents, He will surely make a career. I am an old clown, and I know the crowd. Why to-day, he even eclipsed me—and clouds have covered my Sun. [Striking it.] They do not like puzzles, they want slaps! They are longing for them and dreaming about them in their homes. Your health, He! Another whiskey and soda! He got so many slaps to-day, there would be enough to go round the whole orchestra!
Tilly
I bet there wouldn't! [To Jackson] Shake!
Polly
I bet there wouldn't—I'll go and count the old mugs.
A Voice
The orchestra did not laugh——
Jackson
Because they were getting it, but the galleries did, because they were looking at the orchestra getting slapped. Your health, He!
He
Your's Jim! Tell me, why didn't you let me finish my speech—I was just getting a good start.
Jackson
[Seriously]: My friend, because your speech was a sacrilege. Politics—all right. Manners—as much as you want. But Providence—leave it in peace. And believe me, friend, I shut your mouth in time. Didn't I, Papa Briquet?
Briquet
[Coming nearer]: Yes. It was too much like literature. This is not an academy. You forget yourself, He.
Tilly
But to shut one's mouth—faugh....
Briquet
[In a didactic tone]: Whenever one shuts one's mouth, it is always high time to shut it, unless one is drinking. Hey, whiskey and soda!
Voices
Whiskey and soda for the Manager!
Mancini
But this is obscurantism. Philosophizing again, Briquet?
Briquet
I am not satisfied with you to-day, He. Why do you tease them? They don't like it. Your health! A good slap must be clean like a crystal—fft-fft! right side, left side, and done with it. They will like it; they will laugh, and love you. But in your slaps there is a certain bite, you understand, a certain smell——
He
But they laughed, nevertheless!
Briquet
But without pleasure, without pleasure, He. You pay, and immediately draw a draft on their bank; it's not the right game—they won't like you.
Jackson
That's what I tell him. He had already begun to make them angry.
Bezano
[Entering]: Consuelo, where are you? I have been looking for you—come on. [Both go out. The Baron, after hesitating a while, follows them. Mancini accompanies him respectfully to the door.]
He
[Sighs]: You don't understand, my dear friends; you are simply old, and have forgotten the smell of the stage.
Jackson
Aha! Who is old, my young man?
He
Don't be angry, Jim. It's a play, don't you understand? I become happy when I enter the ring and hear the music. I wear a mask and I feel humorous. There is a mask on my face, and I play. I may say anything like a drunkard. Do you understand? Yesterday when I, with this stupid face, was playing the great man, the philosopher [he assumes a proud monumental pose, and repeats the gesture of the play—general laughter] I was walking this way, and was telling how great, how wise, how incomparable I was—how God lived in me, how high I stood above the earth—how glory shone above my head [his voice changes and he is speaking faster] then you, Jim, you hit me for the first time. And I asked you, "What is it, they're applauding me?" Then, at the tenth slap, I said: "It seems to me that they sent for me from the Academy?" [Acts, looking around him with an air of unconquerable pride and splendour. Laughter. Jackson gives him a real slap.]
He
[Holding his face]: Why?
Jackson
Because you're a fool, and play for nothing. Waiter, the check. (Laughter. The bell calls them to the ring. The actors go out in haste, some running. The waiters collect their money.)
Briquet
[In a sing-song]: To the ring—to the ring—
Mancini
I want to tell you something, He. You are not going yet?
He
No. I'll take a rest.
Briquet
To the ring—to the ring—