Sometimes through an accident or on account of disease, the womb expels the fœtus before it is fully developed. If this occurs before the end of the third month we call it an abortion; if it occurs between the third and seventh months we call it a miscarriage; while if it occurs after the seventh month but before the normal time of labor we call it a premature labor.
Formerly it was considered that there was no possibility of the child living if it were born before the seventh month. Now, by the aid of incubators, even those born at five months have a chance to live. By that time the body is fully formed, so the chief requirements are a steady temperature and proper care and food. Great care must be exercised, as a slight cooling of the air may result in the death of the babe.
Abortions are either accidental, criminal, or justifiable, that is, brought on to preserve the life of the mother. Accidental abortions may follow a sudden fall or a sudden shock, either mental or physical, to the mother. They may be due to some disease either of the mother or of the fœtus. Of the diseases responsible for abortions the one with the largest percentage is syphilis. It is estimated that this disease is responsible for forty per cent. of accidental abortions and miscarriages. Whenever a physician has for a patient a woman who gives a history of having had several abortions without any apparent cause and all at about the same age of the fœtus, he immediately becomes suspicious of syphilis either of the father or the mother. It is a peculiar fact with this disease that it may be transmitted to the offspring without the mother ever actually having the disease. This is an instance of "visiting the sins of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation." Many a weak frame owes its condition to a dissipated father, grandfather or even great-grandfather. It is possible, though, for a man or woman who has had this disease to have a healthy child if the disease has been properly treated.
Under some circumstances, especially with a deformed pelvis, if pregnancy were allowed to proceed normally it probably would result in the death of the mother. Then, it is considered justifiable for the physician in charge of the case to produce an abortion in order to save the life of the mother. Those cases are rare and such a procedure never is undertaken except in extreme cases.
Criminal abortions are those brought on simply because the woman does not desire to have a child. These often are produced by the woman herself by means of drugs that set up uterine contractions (labor pains) or by means of something introduced into the uterus. In either case it is a dangerous procedure. Infections may be carried into the uterus by means of whatever is introduced into it. This may set up an inflammation that may result in the death of the woman. It is a dangerous procedure to introduce anything into the womb. Some women are extremely foolish or reckless and use anything that may be handy. Sometimes grave harm results. Instances are on record of women who have punctured the walls of the womb by the use of hatpins or other sharp instruments. If an abortion is produced by either drugs or instruments there is danger that all the products of conception may not come away. If even a small portion remains in the uterus it may cause a hemorrhage or, becoming decomposed, produce a poison that may result in the death of the woman.
It would be impossible to estimate the number of abortions performed on unmarried girls, as well as married women, during one year by midwives, unscrupulous physicians and by many respected family physicians. We never hear of one of these except through the occasional one who is so unfortunate as to meet death. We cannot entirely blame the one who performs the abortion. Sometimes it is performed because of the sympathy of the physician. It is very hard to refuse some cases. Let me read you a letter to illustrate my meaning.
"I have just finished reading your article on 'Woman's Inhumanity to Woman' and wish to say that every word impresses the truth as read. My reason for writing you is because I am one of those who have sinned through love, with one I have known all my life only to find too late that he did not love me; and the sin is killing me. I do not want to bring into this world a little child to have no father. I am not bad at heart. My only hope is to get something that will bring me all right. If you are a doctor you can give me medicine that will help me miscarry this, as I have only missed two months. Nothing would please me more than to be the mother of a little one, but, oh, not one born without a name. Dear madam, if you can help me, or show me some way that my people cannot suspect me of this sin, for the love you bear all girls, help me. I am the only one at home to care for an aged father and one of the dearest brothers that ever lived. If he knew I had sinned as I have, it would break his heart. My God in heaven, help me! is my prayer, and through his love you can help me. I am almost desperate and before I will live and bear this sin I will take my own life, which will bar me from heaven and my angel mother's face. Be gracious, kind doctor, and help me. I will repay you if it takes the remainder of my life and give my solemn promise that I will sin no more. Erring through the love of a man is my only excuse and, oh, I am the one to bear the blame. He would be forgiven. I am so nervous and ruined in mind that I hardly can go about my duties and I cannot stand the strain much longer. Let me hear from you at once and please help me, for I know it can be done, but I am ignorant; I do not know what to get or what to do. It will be no sin to try to get all right and not bear a child, but in my thoughts it is something awful to have to have it. For the love of heaven help a heartbroken girl at once and before it is too late for me to regain my chance of heaven."
Now suppose you were a physician and that girl, instead of being a stranger, was a very dear friend who had come to you in your office, would you not be tempted to grant her wishes? That is the position in which every physician is placed a great many times. Some allow their sympathies to rule and so break the laws of the land. They allow their sympathies to overcome the moral truths that previously had been their guide. They commit a crime by taking a life, even though that life were not fully developed.
Many women have the false idea that there is no life before the fifth month and so think they are not destroying life if they have an abortion at the end of the first, the second or even the third month. This idea is entirely erroneous, for there is life from the very beginning and it is just as wrong to destroy life the first few months as it would be to do so later.
Aside from this moral reason there is a very important reason for not having abortions. You may regret it afterwards! Let me give you an instance. One of my friends, a charming young woman, was married several years ago. After her marriage she moved to a distant city and I did not see her for about four years. Then she returned and called to see me. During the course of our conversation I asked her if she had any children. Her reply in a very sad tone was, "No, I guess I did too much interfering at first, so now I cannot have any." Then she told me she had the idea she did not wish to have children for several years after she was married. So during the first year she had an abortion performed. Now for two years she had been wanting a baby but none came. That is the history of so many women. The regrets!
All women naturally desire to have children. If they do not, they are the victims of false ideas or of fear. Anything which is natural is the best, so usually a woman who bears children is much healthier than one who does not. Think of the women of your acquaintance and see if the mothers are not happier and healthier than the women who are childless.
Every child has a right to be born well. An undesired child never should be brought into the world. An undesired child or a child of parents who are not in good bodily or mental condition comes into the world with an inheritance that perhaps never is overcome. How can we expect children of parents with criminal tendencies to become good citizens?
Children born in circumstances under which the expectant mother has been subjected to fright or to cruel treatment are handicapped in the very beginning of life's race. Maternal impressions from fright or physical violence undoubtedly are followed by the birth of individuals malformed and in many respects with altered minds. Although some biologists try to deny this, the coincidence is too widely observed to admit of doubt, although the precise manner in which the effect is produced has not been clearly demonstrated. Sufficient is known to make it of the utmost importance that, in the interest of her offspring, the expectant mother be not subjected to sudden or violent mechanical force or to any great nervous shock. Equally important is it that she should be surrounded by a harmonious environment in order to give the unborn child all possible benefit of such surroundings.
By many it is claimed that the mother's mental condition during this period will be reflected in the child both mentally and physically. For instance if the mother be calm, free from worry and happy in anticipation of the coming event, her offspring will have a sound nervous system, shown by a perfect digestion and an excellent disposition: while if the mother be irritable and unhappy her child is inclined to have various digestive ills, as well as to be cross and restless.
Great disturbances in the expectant mother's health also have their effect upon the child. The erroneous idea that there is no life before the third or fifth month allows many conscientious women to attempt measures that will cause the discharge of the products of conception. These measures not only are dangerous to the health or the life of the woman but, in the event of their proving unsuccessful, may result in the birth of a deformed or a mentally defective child.
Parents who have become degenerate from the immoderate use of alcohol or other stimulants or those who are afflicted with one of the black plagues furnish further examples of the birth of deficient offspring.
The question of heredity has received considerable attention during recent years. As a result, many of our pet theories have undergone a decided change. Many of the diseases which formerly were thought to be acquired through inheritance we now know to be contracted through lack of care or through association. The only inheritance is possibly a tendency to the disease or a decrease in the power of resistance. It is a law of pathology that the diseases of parents who suffer from certain serious chronic maladies create in the offspring a condition of defective life shown in malformations or in altered nutrition. The hereditary influence of most diseases is shown in the transmission to the child of a defective body shown by feebleness or a diminished power of resisting disease.
In tuberculosis and other diseases that once were considered hereditary, this influence is shown probably only in a predisposition to the disease which under favorable circumstances finds an easy condition of growth. The child does not actually inherit the disease and if placed in favorable surroundings will outgrow the tendency, will overcome the feeble vitality. But such a child if allowed to remain with its parent, to breathe the germs of disease cast off by the parent, readily contracts the disease. For the sake of the child it must be separated from its tubercular parent. It must be given fresh air and nourishing food.
There is one disease, though, that seems to be truly inherited: the worst of the black plagues, syphilis. This may be inherited from either parent, it frequently is inherited from the father even though the mother does not contract the disease. This inheritance seems to manifest itself chiefly in a disordered nutrition. Even during the first few months of development, this may be so effective as to destroy life. You remember, I mentioned this when I talked about abortions. If life is not destroyed, the nutritional processes may be so affected that the pregnancy will result in the birth of a defective child. These children, perhaps fortunately, usually die during the first few months of their lives. Seldom do they live to maturity. Many children who seem to have escaped this inherited trait really have not done so, but their inheritance is not recognized. Some people with defective generative organs owe this to a diseased parent. Others suffering from a chronic skin disorder, and many afflicted with epilepsy or some brain malformation could trace their inheritance to the same source. This disease seems truly to be an instance of "visiting the sins of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation."
There is no doubt that the general health of the child is affected by the health of the mother especially during the period when the child is nourished from the mother's blood. Attention to such matters as diet, sleep and exercise certainly has a great influence upon the constitution of the unborn child. The best heritage a mother can give her child is a strong constitution, and in order to do this she must make motherhood a science.
Whatever may be the motive that causes men and women to enter into matrimony, the social reason is the perpetuation of the human race. Herbert Spencer says, "The welfare of the family underlies the welfare of society." Therefore those who marry for convenience or with the avowed intention of not assuming the obligations of parenthood have not the welfare of the human race at heart and are a menace to society in its highest form.
Childless homes are not the happy homes, anyhow! Their occupants usually are dissatisfied; the women are nervous, irritable and unhappy; the men are seeking happiness elsewhere. The homes childless from choice should receive our condemnation, but the homes childless from necessity should receive our commiseration. The latter are much more prevalent than many of our race suicide agitators would admit. These are too prone to blame the woman for what is not her choice. We hear so much about the higher education of women promoting race suicide. A recent investigation carried on by a well-known magazine has proven that such is not the case. The college girls and the professional women desire children much more than do the factory girls. But these college girls realize that quality is as necessary as quantity. They do not desire to bring into the world weak, puny offspring. These college girls are beginning to make motherhood a science. What the results will be we can only anticipate.
A normal woman, who has not become imbued with false ideas and fear, desires children. She realizes that motherhood, if rightly carried out, is a privilege and not a curse; it is the woman who has been falsely educated who dreads motherhood. This morning I received a letter which shows the prevailing attitude of many girls. The writer says:
"I am twenty-two years of age but strange to say I am ignorant as far as knowledge about the origin of life, etc., is concerned. I am a business girl, drawing a good salary, and have many gentleman and lady friends. I am the oldest child of a large family of moderate means and have been brought up under Christian principles and possess a goodly amount of common sense. I long have been anxious in regard to this important subject but never have asked anyone for advice, shuddering to do so, feeling that if I had a chance to ask a lady with knowledge, as a nurse or some such person, I would do so. But to tell the truth, I did not care to find out such things, but I realize the fact that I must know in order to guard myself; for that is something no one can do for me at a critical moment. I have no less than three gentleman admirers, but I have no desire to be a married woman for a long time to come, but I feel that I must be armed with the knowledge of right and wrong. I shudder on account of fear to think of becoming a mother. I hear so much of woman's pains and aches and the such, that I often think I would prefer to remain single all my life, although I am perfectly healthy and a happy, cheerful girl. My mother is, and always will be, too busy to tell me about such matters, although I had a right to know long ago. As you say, an ignorant, innocent girl would be guilty before the world if something wrong should happen to her and in most cases it is not her fault. Can you give me the desired information or can you recommend some good book? If so, I assure you that your efforts will be greatly appreciated."
This letter certainly indicates that the writer has a good amount of common sense. The trouble is she has become over-impressed with the possibilities of pain, and never has been told the wonderful truths that would overcome this fear. If love is the greatest thing in the world, fear and its companion, worry, certainly are the greatest curses of humanity. And the most pitiful part is that this fear and worry usually result from ignorance which a little instruction at the right time could dispel so easily. It is the unknown things that we fear. When any trouble actually comes we find strength enough to meet it, and, anyway, it usually is not half as bad in the reality as in the prospect. Young girls hear so much about the pains of childbirth that this fear overshadows the natural longings for motherhood. It is not until motherhood is an actual fact that they realize the happiness is worth all the cost.
But this fear is not what actually makes many childless homes. They often are unpremeditated. A large percentage of the sterility in the world is due to the results of indiscretions that are the outcome of ignorance. One great factor in childless homes is the prevalence of the black plagues. It is estimated that forty-five per cent. of sterile marriages are due to that seemingly mild disease which is regarded as no worse than a cold and which has been contracted either by the man or the woman. This disease does not disqualify the woman alone, as was formerly thought, for recent investigations have proven that twenty-five per cent. of the sterile marriages are due to sterility of the male. Oh, the innumerable women who have submitted to unpleasant treatments and even operations in the hope of overcoming sterility when all the time the fault was elsewhere! The microscope has proven that even though a man may seemingly be healthy and capable of sustaining the marriage relation, yet his efforts are valueless; for the spermatozoa, the life-giving element, are dead, due usually to an inflammation which accompanied an attack of this seemingly mild disease,—gonorrhœa.
This disease is responsible for many of the one child marriages. How often we see a family with only one child, this child born during the first year of married life, then there are no more pregnancies. The woman probably has contracted a disease from her husband and, during the period immediately following the birth of her baby when the entire generative system is in a condition to easily become inflamed, the tubes have become closed. Another pregnancy is very unlikely.
Another factor in sterility is abortions. So many times we hear a young married woman say, "I do not want a child the first year, but after that I would like one." In order to carry out her desires it is not uncommon for an abortion to be performed during the first few months. In many cases an inflammation follows this interference and the tubes become closed permanently. Then when the woman is ready to have a child it is impossible. Girls about to enter marriage should be cognizant of this possibility and not take any risks, for few women would do anything voluntarily that would condemn them to childless lives.
This morning I received a letter which says in part, "I am a young school teacher and do not know lots I should, but will come to you for advice. Now I am engaged to the dearest boy in the world. I will do my best to be a good wife and do my duty. But my health is not so very good and I want to put off motherhood for awhile. Will you kindly tell me some remedy that will keep me from becoming pregnant? I have long wanted to ask someone but always was afraid. Mother never tells me anything."
This is the type of question that is asked every physician many times. Those who do not ask, wish to—and blame physicians for not telling the things they want to know. What is my answer to such a question? Just this:
There is in effect a federal statute making it a felony punishable by $5,000 fine and five years at hard labor to impart any information whatever relating to the preventing of conception. The information may concern a thing, an instrument, or it need not be any material substance at all—only a "method." I obey that law as I am not foolhardy enough to walk into absolute danger.
Every day we see examples of heart-breaking misery caused by lack of knowledge of the proper means of prevention. The limitation of the number of offspring has become an important problem to be considered. There are thousands of families that would be perfectly happy if the number of offspring could be limited. There are thousands of young men who would be glad to get married but are afraid to do so for fear of having a family larger than they could supply with the necessities of life. These same young men, because they are not married, frequent questionable houses and often contract one or more of the venereal diseases.
There are thousands of women who have become semi-invalids because of a too prolific offspring. The babies came so fast the mother had no opportunity to regain her health and strength. There are other thousands of women who are made invalids because of attempts at abortion, or have been driven into early graves by these attempts, while some have actually killed themselves.
There are thousands of children half starved because their parents are unable to supply them the necessities of life. There are other thousands of children below par mentally and physically because of the fact that the mother was weak from too frequent child-bearing. There are other thousands of children born of syphilitic, tubercular or epileptic parents who never should have been born at all because they came into life so handicapped and had to fight against such severe odds that they, after a brief struggle, met an early death. There are children brought into this world amidst cursing who never hear much else.
We find it necessary to regulate the parentage of our domestic animals in order to insure a good race. But children can come by chance. The most degraded of men is allowed to beget children of his kind. There is small chance for race improvement under such conditions. The same laws hold true as to the future generation of humans as are true of animals or plants.
Human beings are not mere animals and they should be allowed to decide how many children they should have. Furthermore, the present laws do not attain their object. We all pretend to obey the laws but everyone knows that in every city there are many women, and men also, who make an excellent income from performing abortions. I would venture to say that in Chicago alone there is at least one abortion performed every hour—and Chicago is not so very different from other parts of the country in this respect. The ways and means to prevent pregnancy are sold and are bringing a rich reward to their manufacturers. But the advertisements are so carefully worded that the law is not violated. But the interested understand. If the manufacturer or his agent were accused of selling anything to prevent pregnancy, he would simulate great surprise and possible indignation. He doing such a thing! Impossible! Why, he is selling a simple hygienic device or drug used in the treatment of certain diseases.
If we have laws, let us obey them; but if we do not intend to obey them, let us stop being hypocrites and remove them from the statutes. If the law remains let us make it far-reaching enough to include those who now are so flagrantly violating it. But if means for the prevention of pregnancy are necessary to the health and happiness of the human race, let us change the laws so we can have the best of these preventives and allow reputable physicians to give whatever information they can to prevent this wholesale misuse of a law by the unscrupulous,—the law-breakers.
A recent investigation carried on by one magazine proved that the knowledge of how to prevent conception would not mean race suicide, as some fear. As reported in this magazine, the college girls and professional women who no doubt had given these subjects careful consideration, desired children more than did those whose experience had been a poor home and a large family. The average number of children desired by the well-informed woman was four. That would not mean race-suicide! It would mean that children were given a fair start in life by being desired and planned for before their conception. Every true woman desires a home and children but she does not wish to be driven into motherhood. Every true man desires a family but he does not feel justified in bringing children into the world to be half starved and with no advantages of education.
What is the solution of the problem?
Until our marriage laws are so adjusted that there are no unequal marriages, the question of divorce always will be eminent. The ever present agitation about uniform divorce laws and the divorce problem cannot be settled until there are more stringent marriage laws. Trying to settle the divorce question without first settling the marriage question is like trying to keep chickens in a small yard surrounded by enticing fields without first constructing an adequate fence.
Divorce is the concession of society to its inability to solve the marriage problem. Anyone can get married! Mere children can meet on a pleasure excursion and in a moment of fun or infatuation walk over to a justice of the peace and be married. In some states not even a license is necessary. A large proportion of the marriages in the world are consummated without a proper consideration on the part of either bride or groom as to the responsibilities of the marriage state. Many of the marriages are made simply as a matter of convenience—in order to inherit property, for social position or in a spirit of pique. Such marriages are not natural marriages and are in violation of the right spirit of the law of marriage. The much quoted saying, "What God hath joined together, let no man put asunder," surely does not apply to these marriages; for that very admission would be a condemnation of the wisdom of God. He surely never would give his sanction to many of the marriages contracted in a spirit of lust or of greed.
It is as impossible to keep mismated people together as it is to keep chemical incompatibles together. No chemist would try to keep chlorate of potash and sulphur together even if they did, by some accident, happen to be in the same locality. It is just as impossible to keep two incompatible people together and not expect an explosion. The law may keep such people legally bound, but it cannot keep them so mentally or physically. A prominent reformer is reported to have said that fully one-third of the married population of New York City is unfaithful to the physical obligation. And New York is not so very different from other parts of the country. Many who are not physically disloyal are mentally so. The no-divorce law will not prevent this condition of affairs. Whites and blacks cannot marry legally in the South and yet in some of the Southern states which have a no-divorce system a large proportion of the colored population is mulatto.
Nature's laws tend to provide an indissoluble union, but divorce represents the protest of the individual against the inharmonious relations he ignorantly or thoughtlessly has assumed.
Even those who are the loudest in their condemnation of divorce could not sanction marriage under certain conditions. I wonder if these people know that many of the divorces that are granted under the head of cruelty really are granted because one of the parties has contracted one of the loathsome black plagues. No humane person could condemn a woman for refusing to live with a man and take the almost certain risk of contracting a disease that would mean her death or mutilation, or for refusing to bear children that would come into the world an object of disgust and horror or which would die before being born. Some of these reformers say, "Let her live separately from him but not marry again." That would be condemning an innocent woman to a childless life because she had been so unfortunate as to become bound to a dissipated man.
Another underlying but often unknown factor in many of the divorce cases is sterility. In some states the law says this is a just cause for divorce, because the future of the nation depends on the production of children. Because a woman, in her ignorance, has married a man who is incapable of producing healthy offspring, due to his having "sown his wild oats," should not be a reason why she should be condemned to forego the pleasures of motherhood. Because a man has married a woman who is sterile or who selfishly refuses to bear children should not be a reason why he should be denied an heir.
Again, it is unfair to the future generation to compel mismated couples to live together. Children brought into the world under such conditions are bequeathed a heritage that will have a demoralizing effect upon their whole after life. Children, who every day hear quarrels and strife between those they should honor, lose something of the beauty of life; they become hardened and quarrelsome. Of course these divorces must not be granted promiscuously; for in bringing children into the world, parents assume an obligation that cannot be neglected. In considering a separation, the parents' first thought should be, "What is best for my children?" The duty to the children should be settled first. Then the question comes, "What is my duty to my wife or my husband?" for the act of making any contract imposes certain obligations. The individual circumstances must settle what these obligations are. Last comes the question, "What is my duty to myself? I was placed in this world to make the best use of my life. Am I doing it or is it impossible to do so unless I change my environment and associates?" The conscience of the individual should be the guide now.
Were there more frankness and sincerity in discussing the problems and conditions of married life before marriage much unhappiness would be avoided and there would be fewer divorces; for many engaged people would thus discover they were mismated before the marriage ceremony. To reach a complete understanding is the main purpose of the engagement period. Marriage is not a lottery nor a game of chance to the man and woman entering it with a knowledge of sex relations and with absolute mutual honesty.
Dr. Charles W. Eliot, former president of Harvard University, recently said:
"The subject of reproduction and sexual hygiene should be more generally presented to young people by parents and teachers. I am convinced that the policy of silence has failed disastrously."
That you may understand how widely spread is this desire on the part of women for a better knowledge of themselves and of those things so vitally important to the welfare of the future generation, I shall quote a few extracts from letters I have received from women in various parts of the country. These letters, too, will serve to show the woeful ignorance along these lines among even the well educated women, and also the need for some systematic instruction.
A very intelligent girl from South Dakota writes this heart story: "My mother died when I was a babe. After her death I was sent out among strangers. While away from home and before I was six years old a young fellow about fifteen years old possessed me and threatened to do something terrible to me if I told. I did not dare tell. Luckily I was taken home at that time, as I now had a step-mother. But still more horrible, it also happened that I had immoral relations with my brother. When I found out that this was the way people got babies, I wished I could get one. I was not very old before I understood that this was a wrong and a shame and acted accordingly. My parents never mentioned things of this nature to me. How much better it would have been if they had done so when we were real young. How many things were spoken of by schoolmates and told in the dirtiest possible way and things also were said that I now know were entirely wrong."
I cannot impress upon you too strongly the need of early talks with young children on these matters. As soon as they enter school at the age of six and even before this, in some cases, they are bound to hear these things from their playmates. Usually the information is thrust upon the child in a very vulgar manner, or entirely wrong impressions are given. The very secrecy that always has surrounded these subjects makes them an object of interest to children. The functions of the generative organs are just as natural a process as the process of digestion. We make no secret of the process of digestion, and children do not manifest any morbid curiosity regarding it. If we would discuss the functions of the generative organs in just as natural a way, many of our great problems would right themselves.
A woman in one of the western states writes, "Once I had a heated argument upon that subject with another woman. She always had lived in a small community. In her opinion all city girls were morally depraved. She had two daughters of her own. Both girls gave birth to babies at the age of fourteen and sixteen years. It transpired later that these girls first began the evil practice at school. And I will state here, regardless of contradiction, that the village school is often the breeder of immoral characters among both boys and girls.
"In a small farming community of California containing about forty children of school age, it was discovered that immoral practices had been carried on for years among the older children. One little girl, being new to the school and also being in the habit of telling her mother everything, repeated some of the sights she had seen during the recess and noon hours, and also some of the conversation she had heard among the children. The mother, being horrified at the child's revelations and knowing the child must have some foundation for her stories, told a friend about it. This woman told some of her friends who were the mothers of the children the little girl had named to her mother. Of course, the children were questioned and denied all knowledge of things the child had mentioned. The mothers were indignant that their children should be accused of anything like that. They unquestionably believed the denial, making no effort to find out if there might be any truth in the report. That mother and her little one were 'sent to Coventry' with a vengeance. Later some of these mothers had cause to repent of their carelessness in having neglected or disregarded the warning. They found to their sorrow that the little girl was not telling an untruth, after all.
"The trouble with the mother in the small community is that she judges her children by her own past. She, perhaps, had an entirely different environment from that of her children and because she came out all right, naturally sees no use in bothering about talking to her girls. 'They will learn these things soon enough,' she says when the subject is mentioned. That they either already have learned them or may be learning them in a manner of which she would be the last to approve, she does not take into consideration. An attempt to warn such a mother often is misunderstood."
That young women realize their need and are anxious for any help is shown by these letters. From New York a girl writes, "I am twenty-two years of age and as yet know nothing about the mysteries of life, and I am beginning to worry about it as I am keeping company with a young man and expect to become engaged to him. I know nothing of what is expected of me when I get married and I know there are a number of girls just like me and that they are worried, too."
From a girl in Seattle came this letter, "No one ever told me about this wonderful body of ours and that God made it in his likeness for his glorification. When I asked where the babies came from, I was told the doctor brought them in his case. One day I saw a boy and girl about eight years of age doing wrong, and thought nothing of it when my brother, who was fourteen while I was six, proposed that we do likewise. This was kept up until I was somewhere between eleven and thirteen, when I was converted and it occurred to me that this was not the right thing to do, but I never dreamed that I would suffer so these ten years, as I am twenty-three now. Only in the last few years I have learned how God made these organs for the marriage relation only and how life was formed. I would go to my mother for this information but I know it would break her heart and I am afraid she could not tell me what I want to know. I would not write this but I am deeply in love with a Christian man, and I could not marry anyone until I know about this matter. I often have made a vow I never would marry anyone, but this love came to me before I could help myself, and as he told me of his love I would not allow myself to let him know I care as much as I do. Kindly tell me if anyone who has abused her organs while so young could make a good wife or become a mother, and can these marks of sin be removed?"
Another young girl writes, "It is just as you say, ignorance is the root of evil in many cases such as mine. I have come to you for help, information and advice. I have taken that fatal mis-step you write about, but no one knows it besides myself and this man. He dare not speak of this. He is very wealthy and influential. After reading your article I found that you were the one to go to and make a confession. I never have been warned or told of these dangers and now it is too late. I am a young girl, eighteen years old, and have a lot of men friends because I am considered attractive, but none of them have ever said one word out of the way to me except this one and I yielded to the tempter. I know I have done wrong, and now am trying to atone for it by being awfully good. Now, what I want to know and want you to tell me is this, 'Can I ever marry a decent, respectable man without him knowing of this affair?' There is a young man very much devoted to me (and I can assure you it is mutual) who several times has asked me to marry him. I am afraid to give him an answer. I cannot ask anyone else this question for the simple reason that I am not sure whether they will tell me the truth or whether they really know."
Both these girls were fortunate that they did not have any serious consequences from their mis-step. Too many girls make only one mis-step and as a result become pregnant or else contract one of the black plagues. This week I have received several such letters. Laying aside all moral points, it is too much risk for any girl to run.
Unfortunately a great many girls in their ignorance do make a mis-step. That is no reason why they should not marry. We must take into consideration the fact that the young man in question probably has made several of these mis-steps. He should not expect his prospective wife to be any stronger to resist temptation than he has been. If this were an ideal world, all men, as well as all women, would be pure, but until the millennium comes we must take things as they are, and proceed from that standpoint. But because a girl has erred through ignorance is no reason why she should be doomed to everlasting punishment in the shape of social ostracism or being denied the happiness of having a home and children.
These are only a few of the many letters I have received, but they serve to show the great need of early instruction of girls on these much neglected subjects. Every girl, soon after she enters school if not before, learns where babies come from. She too often is led by older children, both boys and girls, to do things she may regret later. It has been said that "sin is but ignorance." This is true in the great majority of cases of immoral practices among girls as well as among boys. The remedy for these sins, then, is to do away with the ignorance by proper instruction of children. Children are reasonable beings and if they understood the why would not do wrong.
If girls go wrong through ignorance the parents are to blame; for at the present time there is no excuse for a parent not giving the necessary instruction. If, on account of her own lack of knowledge, the mother feels incapable of instructing her daughter, there are others ready and willing to aid her; also, there are books especially prepared for her help, which will definitely point the way.
Not long ago an estimable young woman in speaking of the unfortunate girls in the world said, "I cannot see how any refined girl could get into trouble. I cannot conceive of any circumstances which would permit any self-respecting girl to allow the familiarities necessary for such a condition." That is the attitude assumed by many intelligent women. Because they grew up in an environment without temptations, because they had no unsatisfied longings to be loved or to be popular, they are incapable of understanding these feelings in any other person.
In every girl there is an inborn longing to be loved and to have a home of her own. It is a misunderstanding of this sense that is responsible for the wrecked lives of many girls. In too many homes there is no expression of the love sense. Frequently I have heard girls remark, "Why, I never think of kissing my parents except, perhaps, when they or I go away." In too many homes the only mention that is made of love is that made in a bantering manner. A child has the right idea of love. She loves everyone and is free in the expression of this love. As she grows older she obtains wrong ideas of love and she too often obtains these wrong ideas in her own home and from her own parents who instill false ideas of love when indulging their habit of "teasing." Frequently we hear parents talking about the small daughter's "beau." The child feels pent-up emotions of love and, as there is no outlet at home in a natural way, she acquires the idea that these emotions should be spent in a childish love affair.
In a recent address Professor Marx Lubine of the University of Berlin said, "Motherhood, in all stages of civilization, has been strangely ignorant of the fact that girls have as powerful a battery of emotions as boys. It is my experience that a major portion of mothers understand their sons better than their daughters. Why? The daughters are not given credit for a power of emotion the sons are capable of. Yet, naturally, in my long experience with both sexes, I have no hesitation in saying that the emotions of a pure girl are usually deeper, more lasting, than those of a boy, and that if we are to have a great improvement in womanhood it must come through a recognition of this fact."
It is strange but mothers seem to be blind to, or ignorant of the emotions that are seething back of the clear eyes of their daughters. The emotions of the girl have not been studied sufficiently. We expect a boy to do things which serve as an outlet to his pent-up emotions but we expect a girl to go on in a calm, uneventful manner with no outlet for the overflow of emotions. Blessed are the "Tomboys." I would there were more of them. It is a fact that the girl who runs, plays, climbs trees and is given to outdoor sports generally during the early part of her life develops into the truest woman. She has an outlet for her energies. Her time is fully occupied with those things that promote health. She has no time nor desires for those things that show a perverted taste. Such a girl seldom becomes a victim of self-abuse. She is not inclined to romantic love affairs. It is her sister who sits and sews who has time and inclination for indulging in morbid longings and who becomes the victim of pernicious habits.
Curiosity is one of the prominent characteristics of both sexes. With the boy this is satisfied without much pretence at secrecy. False modesty prevents the girl from openly obtaining the desired information. She obtains it secretly from her companions. Mothers do not give their daughters credit for the instinct that compels the satisfaction of their curiosity. Sometime during her life, nearly every mother is surprised and shocked at the knowledge displayed by her daughter. She finds that owing to her silence and neglect of opportunities her daughter has obtained definite if entirely wrong ideas of sexual matters.
In other matters, too, the policy of silence or of arbitrarily forbidding the daughter to indulge in certain pleasures, coupled with the natural curiosity of the girl, tends to develop in her the habit of deceitfulness. If she is forbidden some harmless amusements she very frequently learns these diversions at the homes of her friends. The mother was brought up in one generation, the daughter in another; what was considered wrong in the first generation is looked upon in an entirely different manner now. Many mothers seem to be unable to realize this. They were brought up in a puritanical environment. The puritan fathers forbade all indulgence in mirth and happiness. Their ideas of the perfect life were to wear a stern, unsmiling countenance and do those things that were unpleasant. If anything was uncongenial, then it was their duty to overcome their inclinations. These puritans expected to develop by repression. We have changed our ideas radically since then, but some of the puritanical ideas still cling to us in our treatment of children. To develop the child's character she must be made to do the things she does not want to do and to refrain from the things she most desires. Is it right?
We are most interested in those things that belong to us individually or in which we have some share. If we wish a girl to remain at home then we must see that she is interested in that home. The way to do this is to make her feel that the home belongs to her in part and that some portions of it are entirely hers. The majority of girls feel no real interest in their homes. They are made to feel that it is their parents' home and that they are only assistants. A girl to be interested in her home must have some definite room that is hers alone and in which she is allowed to exercise her individual tastes. She must have a place in which she can entertain her friends without the feeling that whatever she does and says is to be criticised afterwards. She should be assigned to certain tasks and held responsible for them. She must have a certain definite allowance out of which she is to buy certain things, otherwise her desire for independence will arise and cause her to leave home. The majority of girls have no income of their own. Perhaps their desires are all fulfilled by an indulgent parent and yet the girls resent the feeling of dependence.
Girls are naturally just as ambitious as boys, and they need good, honest work to keep them healthy and their minds occupied. If a girl displays an interest in a certain line of work this interest must be encouraged. Usually it is not. The girl is taught, either consciously or unconsciously, that whatever occupation she takes up will be only temporary, that to become engrossed in her work would mean no marriage. Girls cannot do good work under such conditions.