In one of my articles for one of the leading women's magazines I spoke of mental self-abuse. This brought me so many inquiries regarding both mental and physical self-abuse that I feel impelled to explain them to you.
To abuse means to use wrongly, or to injure. We have talked about the uses of the female organs and also about the care of them. Sometimes, I have watched children rub their eyes until they were quite red and inflamed. I have seen children, thoughtlessly, stick pins and hairpins in their ears and I even have had to remove a bean which a thoughtless child had pushed up its nose. All these things did more or less harm to the parts. In the same way, some girls play with their external generative organs and even put things up in the vagina. Sometimes they injure these organs greatly, and sometimes there is a more general and serious effect. You know the nerves of the body all are very closely connected like telegraph wires so that an irritation to one part will sometimes be telegraphed to another entirely different part and cause the nerves of that part to be irritated. When you have a toothache your whole face and head and even your arms ache. That is because the nerves are irritated. In the same way if one irritates the nerves of the female organs, the whole body may be affected; only in this case it is more serious than with the toothache; for these female organs are more abundantly supplied with nerves.
One who is guilty of such an unnatural practice as to deliberately irritate any portion of her body, especially the very important generative organs, always secretly despises herself. If persisted in, the results of this vice are a ruined nervous system and a weakened character. The victim realizes she is doing a disgraceful thing and seldom acknowledges her habit even to her physician.
If one has become a victim of such a habit she should determine to stop it immediately and then take measures to restore her nervous system to its original state. It never is too late to commence treatment. It is the continued practice and the mental dwelling on the acts that does the harm, not the few acts thoughtlessly performed. Of course the longer the habit has continued, the more firmly it is fixed and the harder to break.
The treatment is first to absolutely stop the practice, then fill your mind with other thoughts. Take considerable physical exercise in the open air. Sleep on a hard bed in a well-ventilated room. Eat plain, nourishing food without spices and stimulants. Take up some work or play that will interest you and that will keep your mind occupied. Live in the open air as much as possible. If you find yourself desiring to do these harmful things, go immediately and busy your mind and hands with something else and the desire will pass soon. In young children this habit often has its origin in some irritation of the external organs, as a hooded clitoris. So before taking severe measures to break the habit, it is wise to have the child examined for such a condition.
Now as to mental self-abuse, perhaps I can make my meaning more clear by again quoting from some of my letters. A young woman from South Carolina wrote me, "A few years ago I taught school and one of my pupils, perfectly innocent of the grave results that would befall her, committed three outrages upon herself, what is known in the medical world as masturbation or self-abuse. The girl, as I know, was chaste and a sweeter, nicer, brighter pupil I never taught. But she had the misfortune to commit these abuses upon herself in all innocence and felt no discomfort or ill health in any way until about three months afterward. Then she began to lose interest in her work, to fall away in her grades, in fact to take very little interest in anything. In this condition she came to me and told me everything. Since then she has felt no physical pain whatever, but her mind, though not really gone, is visibly affected. In this way, she is constantly in dread lest something dreadful will happen, feels as if a cloud were hanging over her, is not capable of doing any mental work. At times, has a horror of being shut up in any place, memory is poor, places and positions change, that is, a place moves to some other position, for instance, the right side of the street very often is in the opposite direction. To sum it all up, she constantly is miserable. So far as being insane is concerned, she is not that. She is perfectly conscious of her condition. She feels well physically and appears to be so mentally, but says there is just a befogged sensation in her head which gets no better nor worse, yet it is there. The feeling came upon her very suddenly one morning in the spring after the abuses had taken place in January and then it all flashed over her the awful consequences of her innocent practices. Oh! what would she not have given to be her old self again! If she only had known the awful result, her mind sacrificed for a practice in which she indulged through ignorance and for experiment, never dreaming the baneful effect it would have on her mind. Now, this girl has gone on this way for the past eight years getting no worse nor any better. Seemingly, she is the same but she suffers untold miseries when alone, conscious that her mind is hazy and not capable of enjoying books, society of others or anything that interests young girls. Yet nobody ever would detect that she is not feeling well. She told me all this in confidence and as the case puzzles me, I write you feeling that perhaps you would advise me in some way the treatment necessary to cure her. She is and has been perfectly moral since the fateful abuses upon herself and I do not understand why her mind does not return to its normal condition."
I do! She will not give her mind a chance to get well. She constantly is abusing it by dwelling on things that should have been forgotten long ago. No one goes through life without making some mistakes. Everyone has burned his finger many times. And yet he does not keep worrying about it and wondering if it will have some dangerous after-effect. Of course, if he deliberately burned his finger time and time again, it might remain injured permanently. But if he, ignorantly or accidentally, has burned it once or several times, he stops his careless ways, allows Nature to restore the injured portion, and then forgets there ever was an injury. It is the same with self-abuse, many children do things like this thoughtlessly. But when a girl learns she is injuring herself, she should stop the practice and allow Nature to repair the wound. Then forget all about it. Do not worry, above all things. Go ahead and fill your mind with work.
There are many women in this world who are abusing themselves by worrying over something that has occurred in the past. Whatever is in the past cannot be undone. All we can do is to profit by our experience and turn the energies, that would be wasted by worrying, to some good use. Whenever thoughts of the past or desires for the wrong things disturb you, crowd these worry thoughts and desires out of your mind by putting in it good thoughts. Deliberately fill your mind and hands so full of other things that there will be no room for these unwholesome pests. Worry does more harm than smallpox ever did!
This dwelling on past mistakes is only one of several methods of mental self-abuse. Another way some abuse themselves is by continuing the association with those who excite or irritate them. If in your work or social life you find that a certain person has an effect upon you that is not wholesome, that when you are in the company of that individual you are incapable of doing your best, then it is time to make a change. Keep away from that individual until such a time as you are strong enough to resist his influence. Choose your friends from among those who stimulate you mentally. If you stop to think, you must admit that you accomplish more and better work when in the presence of certain people. Those are the ones whose companionship you should seek.
There are people living together or working together who are a continual source of irritation to each other. It is just as impossible for such people to work in harmony as it is for two incompatible chemicals, as nitrogen and iodine. We do not try to over-ride the laws of Nature by trying to force these chemicals to stay together. It is just as impossible to force certain incompatible people to be harmonious. If society or business throws two such people together it would be wise for one to make a change before there is an explosion. It is impossible for any person to do good work in an atmosphere of irritation.
Another element in mental self-abuse is longing for the unattainable. Sometimes a person sets her mind on a certain thing. If that goal is an honorable one, she should make every effort to attain it but if circumstances over which she has no control make that goal impossible of attainment she should turn her thoughts in another direction. But that is what many people do not do. If they cannot have just what they want they sit and bemoan their fate and give up trying for other goals. Such a person should choose a line of work or play that is especially interesting to her and bend her energies in that direction. She will be surprised how soon she will lose her intense interest in her former longed-for goal.
Lack of self-confidence is an evidence of mental self-abuse. A person who has no confidence in herself cannot expect others to have. One who keeps herself in the attitude of Uriah Heap, who continually asserts, "I am a poor worm, I am unworthy of the blessings of life, I cannot expect great reward," must expect to be taken at her word. In this age a man (or woman) is valued, in a large measure, by the estimate he sets upon himself. Honors are not thrust upon a man unless he shows the self-confidence which commands confidence. Bacon said, "Some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them." But those of the last class are very few. Our enemies are willing to thrust upon us scandal and humiliation whenever there is a possible chance, but our friends are very slow in thrusting honors upon us. If a person wants anything in this world he must first convince himself of his ability to attain that goal, then he may be able to convince others. It is the man with confidence in himself who wins the day.
After one has decided upon his goal he should keep that goal always before him as the pillar of fire before the seekers for the promised land. All our thoughts should be in that direction. Every wish or thought we send out reaches someone and in time may bring us what we wish. "By faith ye can accomplish all things."
There is an explanation of "Who answers prayer" which describes a mother kneeling by the bedside of her sick baby, and praying faithfully that her baby might be restored to health. In a vision the author sees these prayer thoughts radiating from the mother like invisible telegraph wires, along which the message is carried to various parts of the city. One wire reaches the home of a minister who, although willing, feels his inability to answer. Another wire reaches the home of a wealthy banker but he, too, is powerless to help. The next wire is connected with the home of a prominent lawyer famous for his ability to win cases for the needy, but in this case he cannot win, for Death is more powerful than he. But a fourth wire reaches a physician who has just retired from a hard day's fight with his enemy—disease. The physician awakens, grasps the message and immediately arises, dresses and hastens to the home of the poor woman. In a short time the little one's spasms are relieved and the doctor gives a sigh of relief, as he says to the anxious mother, "The crisis is past, your baby will live." The mother's prayer has been answered.
Every thought we entertain is being sent out along these invisible wires and eventually will reach someone who responds to it. If we send out worry thoughts or thoughts of self-depreciation we must expect others to receive the message as we send it. So if we want to make the most of our lives we continually must send out only thoughts that we wish others to receive. We must value ourselves if we expect others to value us!
Too much introspection and concern for self is often the cause of nervous conditions that produce worry and ill-health. The best cure is the cultivation of complete unselfishness. To be interested in the happiness of others is the surest road to happiness for one's self;—if you get feeling tired of yourself make a visit to some congenial friend, and there forget self and your troubles. "It is more blessed to give than receive" is a truth that all serene and great souls recognize and practice throughout their lives.
Some time ago, the general public was shocked by a newspaper story of the life led by many girl clerks in the department stores of a large city. It seems a young girl from the country applied for a position in one of the stores, but upon hearing of the small wages paid, said, "How can I live on that? It would not provide even the most meager of board and the smallest room." The employer asked in reply, "But have you not a gentleman friend?" That reply, repeated to a social worker, started an investigation which resulted in startling revelations. It was found that many of the stores paid such small salaries that to live on them at all was an impossibility for even the most economical. It was an understood fact that each girl was expected to receive help from some "gentleman friend."
There must be something wrong in our whole system of living when girls are compelled to work for salaries insufficient for even the necessities and are taught to have tastes and desires for the beautiful which it is impossible to gratify on their meager salaries. A young girl goes to work in an office or store with a definite, if not expressed, understanding of what should be the proper relations of the sexes. After she has been at work a short time she notices that her companions are much better dressed than it is possible for her to be with the resources at her command. She notices that her friends have numerous invitations to theatres and dinners. She wonders if she is less attractive than they. After awhile she receives hints, more or less broad, from her male associates. Gradually it dawns upon her why the other girls are more attractive than she.
One who has not been thrown in close contact with the girls of this age cannot realize the extent of the immorality among them. Formerly it was considered that only boys sowed their wild oats. Now we find that many girls do so also. We hear very little about it except for the occasional case of one who has to suffer for her sins. Usually this one is one of the most innocent. Many of the girls of this generation are "wise." They think they know how to "keep out of trouble," and yet reap the rewards in the shape of a few dollars.
Girls cannot afford to take the great risks incident to leading an immoral life, aside from all moral reasons for not doing so. In the first place there is the danger of becoming pregnant. Think what that means! The majority of girls are led to take the first step by promises of marriage. Real life has proved these promises seldom are kept. The man "changes" his mind after the mis-step has been taken. He goes away and forgets, the girl is left to bear the consequences of their mutual sin. The men of the world like to take these girls out and enjoy themselves but when it comes to marriage—the man wants a different kind of a wife. There are three courses from which such an unfortunate girl may choose. One course is an abortion with all its attendant dangers, its risks to her life and the thoughts of having taken a life. Another is to brave the world, bear her child and keep it. It takes a great deal of courage to do this with our present social system. Often it is impossible, as the girl is unable to care for the child and at the same time support it and herself. She seldom finds very much encouragement in this course. Those who should be her friends and aid her to make the most of her life are now the ones who keep her down. They refuse to make it possible for her to earn an honest living and lead a moral life. The third course is to place herself under the care of a responsible physician, live in seclusion for the last few months of her pregnancy, then, after the birth of her baby, have it adopted. Considering everything, this often is the best course. From the child's standpoint, it is given a better start in life. It is much better to live as the adopted, but honored, child in a home than it is to have to bear the stigma of illegitimacy. As soon as the child enters school the latter will become known among its playmates and will be the subject of many cruel taunts. It is not fair to the innocent child to give it such a heritage. But think how the mothers must feel to have to give up their babies! That is the saddest part of the case. It is not fair that the girl should be punished the remainder of her life for one mis-step when the man goes absolutely free and without the sign of a stigma attached to him.
These cases of unfortunate girls are all too common. The rescue homes in the large cities are full, and often a large percentage of their occupants are from the country. Within the last week, I have received letters from four girls, similar to the one I shall read you. This letter is from a girl in Indiana who gives a rural delivery address. "In one of your articles in —— you speak of homes where unfortunate girls are sheltered and taken care of and I should like to know if there is such a home in Indianapolis. If there is, will you kindly give me the street and number. I am in trouble and have nowhere to go, but knowing you to be a friend to unfortunate girls who met their misfortune through ignorance and with no desire to do wrong, I write you for advice." This, as well as numerous other letters, show that these things are just as prevalent in the country districts as in the cities.
So many girls do not realize how easy it is to "get into trouble." A short time ago I had a confinement case that was a little unusual; for the young woman, who was unmarried, had an unruptured hymen, which contained only one small opening barely large enough to insert a sound the size of a slate pencil. At the first consultation several months previous, when she had come to me on account of absence of menstruation for three months, the girl had insisted that there was no possibility of her being pregnant. Later she admitted that four months previously, just after she menstruated, she was out with a young man who was very insistent, that she did not consent, but in spite of her resistance there was a discharge thrown against the labia (external organs). At the time of this first examination she was about four months pregnant and had not supposed such a condition of affairs possible. Fortunately in this case there was an early marriage.
Another grave danger to the girl who indulges in immoral practices is the possibility of contracting one of the black plagues. You know what that would mean. If you recall the prevalence of these diseases you will see that the probabilities are that any girl indulging in immoral relations will sooner or later contract one of these diseases. Indeed she runs a big risk of contracting one at her first mis-step.
After one has taken the first mis-step it is very easy to take the next. One step often leads to another until the girl succumbs to a life of prostitution. A result of prostitution that is important is the unfitting for regular life. Whatever the effect of such a life may be upon a man, a girl cannot lead such a life with impunity. Many a girl tires of her immoral life and gladly would turn to something else but the difficulties in her way are numerous. One is her inability to obtain a position when it is known that she has led an immoral life. Another is that she finds the duties and regular hours incident to any position very irksome. The irregular life she has led has unfitted her for a regular life. There seems to have been a general disturbance of the whole nervous system, her will has become so weakened that it is very hard for her to have the will power necessary to keep from returning to the old life. This breaking of the will power also makes it difficult for her to keep her mind on her work. Then, too, she resents any supervision of her work. Of course, the longer the irregular life has continued the harder it is to break away from it.
Now, from another standpoint! No matter how dissipated a man may be he wants his bride to be pure. Nearly all girls expect to marry sometime, and so for the sake of the future—in order to keep the confidence of her husband as well as for the sake of not taking any risks that might prevent future motherhood, girls should not lead immoral lives.
The greater social freedom of the present generation without adequate preparation has resulted in an increasing tendency among young girls to make chance acquaintances and perhaps clandestine engagements. That these flirtations, entered into so innocently, may result in events that will be the cause of lifelong regret is seldom realized by a young girl. Yet very often such is the case!
One letter I received says, "I will give you a short outline of my life since last April when my troubles began, for which I blame my parents partly, because I was not allowed to have my friends at my home or go out with young men, as the other girls do, with my parents' knowledge of it and because I was kept ignorant of the things I think every girl should know. I was nineteen last March. The men say I am the kind that looks good to men, that they cannot resist. As to this I do not know, but I do know that I always attract their attentions and I am sorry that I do. And yet I crave them. I have for years and I am lonesome without them. I want their friendship and company. I do not know why it is but I am more satisfied with the boys than the girls. Last April a young man, somewhere in the thirties, I think, though he looked much younger, came to our little country town. He was handsome, well educated, finely dressed and always seemed to have plenty of money. I was very unhappy about this time over my troubles at home and because my boy friend, who always had been a friend through all, had for some cause unknown to me stopped writing to me. So I met the young man first in company with friends a couple of times, then he wished to make an appointment to meet me alone and, through the kindness of my friends, I met him out at night several times. On the third night before I half realized what I was doing I had let him ruin me. I had never been told that this was wrong and yet I seemed to know that it was. It worried me, but there was no one I could go to for advice and my friend said that since what was done already could never be undone I might as well keep it up, etc. Having no advice but his, I followed it and for several weeks met him out any and every where and time I could. I knew of the trouble that might come from these meetings and asked my friend about it but he said that everything was all right, that he would tend to that and that nothing would happen. But it did happen. He was going away in a few days and gave me some medicine to take, telling me I was only held back on account of it being the first time. But I didn't believe him and went to a married lady whom I had known but a short time but whom I thought I could trust and who would help me. She invited my friend and me there one evening and talked the matter over with us or rather with him. He stayed over and helped me out of my trouble. But my health has never been the same since. Now, what I want to ask you is this, do you think it would be right for me to marry any man, with him thinking that I am good or innocent? Do men expect that of the women they marry? But I do not wish to marry if I can help it, but I must do something. I will go crazy if I stay here at home from worrying over what I have done and for fear my parents will find it out. What I wish to do is to go away to work, but I have no one to go to and am afraid I cannot resist the temptations that they say come to every working girl. I have given in twice since my trouble, both times shortly afterwards. The first because I could not help it and the second because I was afraid of being told on, he having been told by the first man. But when I found out I could not resist the teasing I quit going out and it has been months since I have been out with a man and I am trying to lead a decent life but it is hard and at times it seems that I must give in. Now, please write and tell me just exactly what you think of my case. Has my whole life been ruined by this man?"
Unless this girl will "play soldier" and "right about face" she is in danger of landing in a house of ill-fame. How common is her story! Girls do not realize what are the possible results that may follow an innocent flirtation. Young girls are not posted and they do not know men. They do not realize the pressure that will be brought to bear upon them. Many young girls grow to womanhood without any idea of the relations of the sexes. To them, love is devoid of ideas of sex, practically the same as their love for a brother or sister. It is not until they are thrown alone in the company of some older man that they suddenly awaken to a realization of what it all means.
The girls who like to be petted, to be kissed and hugged can see no harm in that and do not realize what a sleeping force may be aroused. The man, when he finds a girl will allow these attentions, thinks that she knows what they may lead to and naturally assumes that she is willing, but only wishes to be coaxed. It is a clear case of misunderstanding on both sides. But that does not make the consequences any less harmful.
Girls do not realize what kind of an impression they make upon men by their clothes, actions, etc. An eminent lawyer said to me recently, "Why do you not tell girls what real men think of them when they appear on the streets with painted faces, peek-a-boo waists and thin, silk hose worn with shoes more appropriate for the ball-room? If girls imitate the demi-monde in their dress they must expect to be treated accordingly." There is in every girl's nature a desire to appear attractive in the eyes of those of the opposite sex and this desire leads them to extremes of dressing. These extremes of dressing naturally attract the attention of men, and the girls feel flattered and continue in their course, not realizing what impression the men really get. Then, when the man makes the advances that her manner of dressing has led him to believe he can make, she feels insulted and resentful.
The fault lies in the fact that the girl has not been properly educated and has received exaggerated and entirely wrong ideas of life.
During the past few years the public has been much interested in the prosecution of the white slave investigation. Every adult person had a more or less definite idea that there were in existence immoral houses. But the majority of women had no idea that their existence should be of any especial interest to them.
The Hon. Edwin Sims, U. S. District Attorney, Chicago, says: "There are some things so far removed from the lives of normal, decent people as to be simply unbelievable by them. The 'white slave' trade of to-day is one of these incredible things. The calmest, simplest statements of its facts are almost beyond the comprehension of belief of men and women who are mercifully spared from contact with the dark and hideous secrets of the 'under-world' of the big cities.
"Naturally, wisely, every parent who reads this statement will at once raise the question: 'What excuse is there for the open discussion of such a revolting condition of things? What good is there to be served by flaunting so dark and disgusting a subject before the family circle?' Only one—and that is a reason and not an excuse! The recent examination of more than two hundred 'white slaves' by the office of the U. S. District Attorney at Chicago has brought to light the fact that literally thousands of innocent girls from the country districts are every year entrapped into a life of hopeless slavery and degradation because parents in the country do not understand conditions as they exist and how to protect their daughters from the 'white slave' traders who have reduced the art of ruining young girls to a national and international system. I sincerely believe that nine-tenths of the parents of these thousands of girls who are every year snatched from lives of decency and comparative peace and dragged under the slime of an existence in the 'white slave world' have no idea that there is really a trade in the ruin of girls as much as there is a trade in cattle or sheep or other products of the farm.
"I have no disposition to add a single word to what will open the eyes of parents to the fact that white slavery is an existing condition—a system of girl hunting that is national and international in its scope, that it literally consumes thousands of girls—clean, innocent girls—every year; that it is operated with a cruelty, a barbarism that gives a new meaning to the word fiend; that it is an imminent peril to every girl in the country who has a desire to get into the city and taste its excitement and pleasures."
One of the worst obstacles to be overcome in the work of protecting innocent girls and restoring to useful lives those who have been betrayed, is the blind incredulity on the part of a large percentage of the public. There are thousands of women all over the country who know as little about what is going on in the world as do so many children. They are wonderfully ignorant of the terrible conditions that are in existence all around them. Of course their blindness to these awful conditions makes them more peaceful and contented for the time being than they possibly could be if they realized the temptations and perils that are lying in wait for their daughters and the daughters of their friends. But this peace is not permanent and every year thousands of mothers are rudely awakened from their sleep of peace to find that while they were asleep to the perils of the world their daughters have been drawn into the whirlpool. The awakening of such parents comes too late usually to do any good. The recent agitation along this line has caused many a mother to exclaim, "How terrible; I did not dream that such a condition of affairs could exist in this country."
If you possessed a rare jewel and knew you were surrounded by those who would try to obtain possession of that jewel you would not entrust it to a blind or a deaf watchman or one so ignorant of the wiles of the robbers that he would trustingly allow it to pass into their possession. There is nothing in the world so priceless to the father and mother as the virtue and happiness of their daughter. And yet there are thousands of parents who have been entrusted with the care of a daughter who are trying to discharge that trust with their eyes blinded and their ears closed. They insist upon keeping the childish belief that there is no real danger threatening their daughter. These parents do not live in the world. They fold their hands and raise their eyes towards heaven and cry, "Peace! Peace!" and are unable to see the enemy slipping upon their daughter to drag her down to a life of shame.
In this age no young girl is beyond temptation. She needs all the protection possible, and in order to protect her the parents must be awake to the dangers and provided with the best means of protection. One of the things hardest to make honest and trusting parents believe is that there can be people in the world who make it their business to lead girls into a life of shame. But such is the case whether we believe it or not. The men and women who ply this trade lay their plans more carefully and employ more artifices than can be conceived of by the ordinary parent. The wonder is that not more are caught in the net.
Another fact which the public finds it hard to believe is that the girls who are lured into the life of shame find it impossible to escape from such a life, that they are prisoners and slaves in every sense of the word.
The artifices employed by these slave-dealers to obtain their victims are many and frequently are so adroitly formulated as to blind not only the victim but her parents as well.
One common trick of these slave procurers is the promise of a good position. Many a girl has gone to the cities thinking she had obtained a definite and desirable position. Perhaps she was to be met at the station by the person who obtained the position for her. Too late she finds her position is in a house of ill-fame. So common has this trick become that in every large city there are organizations of social workers who offer through the churches to look up the desirability of any position which has been obtained by a girl so that should it prove to be a lure of the destroyer she could be warned before it was too late.
Another favorite device of the white slaver for landing victims is the runaway marriage trick. The alleged summer resorts and excursion centers which are so widely advertised as Gretna Greens and as places where the usual legal and official formalities preliminary to respectable marriage are reduced to the minimum are star recruiting stations for the white slave traffic. So common is this trick that a wise mother would refuse to allow her daughter to visit one of these places or to go on one of the pleasure excursions unless accompanied by some older member of the family. Also, every mother should teach her daughter that any man who proposed such a marriage was to be looked upon with suspicion, and should not be trusted for an instant.
Then there is the restaurant trick. The girl is induced to go to what she thinks is a restaurant and then perhaps is taken into a private room only to find that this room leads to her prison. Girls cannot be too suspicious of going to unknown places with comparative strangers—either men or women.
The moving picture shows furnish to these slavers another opportunity of misleading girls. These shows naturally attract children and very young girls. Evidence has been procured which proves that many girls owe their ruin to frequenting them. As an instance of this, three girls met as many young men at a moving picture show and at the end of the performance were induced to leave the theater by a side door which was found to open into an adjoining building and all passed the night together.
The massage parlors and manicure parlors upon investigation proved to have been used as a bait for these vile procurers. Many of these places were found to be not equipped for their legitimate work but to be nothing more than disorderly houses.
The investigations of the United States courts have resulted in the imprisonment of many of these panders but there are many more still unconvicted and the danger to young girls is ever present. The parents cannot be too watchful in their protection, and to be watchful they must be cognizant of the dangers and of the methods in use. The daughters must be so educated that they are prepared to cope with the enemy. Remember, as Browning says, "Ignorance is not innocence, but sin."
I have made so emphatic the necessity of early and proper instruction of girls and I have shown you that so much of the disease and unhappiness in the world is due to this lack of instruction that I do not believe any of your daughters ever will say, "Why was I not told these things before it was too late?" But you women will have sons as well as daughters and you are just as responsible for their future happiness as you are for that of your daughters. Besides the future happiness of another woman's daughter depends in a large measure upon the health of your son. The boys need instruction as much if not more than do the girls; at any rate they need it earlier than the girls do, because boys talk more freely than girls and boys acquire their first impressions of these subjects much earlier than girls.
No boy ever willfully contracted a disease that would produce so much future misery as that resulting from one of the venereal diseases. You remember I made the remark that the large percentage of men contracted these diseases before their twentieth year, before they had any adequate knowledge of the possible consequences. If boys were warned there would be no more of this innocent acquisition of disease. Many a man has had cause to regret all his life a few moments of thoughtless dissipation. Even though a boy has acquired one of these diseases that is no reason why he should suffer from it the remainder of his life any more than that he constantly should suffer from an attack of smallpox. One difference at the present time is that the smallpox patient receives the most scientific treatment procurable, but the victim of one of these plagues is neglected. Boys are told these diseases are no worse than a cold and so do not realize the necessity for prompt and adequate treatment. The ordinary boy treats himself, following the advice of some of his friends or some incompetent person. He has a feeling of shame which prevents him from going to the family physician, who would give him honest advice. If he goes to any physician he usually goes to some advertising physician who claims to be a "men specialist." The main speciality of these men is obtaining money from their ignorant dupes. Their advertisements would make nearly every man in the world think he were suffering from some grave disease. The young boy, at an impressionable age, is a ready victim to their lures. He is treated for a real or an imaginary disease until his money is all gone, then he is discharged.
Let me read you a letter I received from a young boy which will illustrate my meaning: "I read your article 'A Father's Duty to His Son,' in the —— and take the liberty of writing to you. My father died when I was but nine years old, so I was left to my own resources, the result being I am now a nervous wreck at the age of nineteen. I have doctored for nervous debility with four doctors for over a year and a half. The result, they got every cent out of me but did not help me a particle. If my mother ever found it out, it would worry her to death, as she has hopes in me, fool that I was. My condition, I am always nervous when in company, expecting somebody to accuse me any minute. My eyes always are blurred and my hands shake as if I were an old man. I have night losses, which bother me more than anything and if they stopped I know I could fight my way back to health. If you could possibly give me some recipe or advice it would be greatly appreciated. Nobody but one in this condition can imagine the strain on the mind and body. Although I feel well when alone, though awfully weak, I am a nervous wreck when in the presence of others. I have written to you because your article seems to tell facts which I know to be true."
Now, if you will pardon me I will quote a portion of my reply: "Evidently you have been the victim of unscrupulous doctors. Unfortunately there are a number. They usually advertise themselves as specialists in diseases of men. A reliable physician does not advertise. If you had gone to a trustworthy family physician in the first place you would have been saved much worry, and incidentally considerable money.
"The chief advice you need is to stop worrying. The night losses you mention are a natural condition. They occur with nearly every normal man who is living a continent life. Even if they occur two or three times a week they do not indicate any diseased condition. The more you worry and think about such things the more often they will occur. I do not know what your occupation is, but if it is indoor work you must plan to take a great deal of outdoor exercise every day. If you could go out in the country for awhile and do hard outdoor work it would be the best thing for you. Eat only plain, easily digested food, but eat plenty. Do not use any condiments nor stimulants. Sleep on a hard bed with plenty of fresh air in the room. Bathe the external genitals with cold water night and morning.... The fact that you have abused yourself in the past need not prevent you from being a perfectly healthy person now if you are not continuing the practice."
Every boy desires to be a man but does not quite understand the meaning of the word. He dislikes to be called a "greeny" or anything that suggests that he is young and inexperienced. Often he pretends to know things he does not. Nearly every boy, at an early age, is thrown in contact with low-minded persons who think it amusing to persuade the youth to prove he knows indecent things. He thinks it a test of manhood to be acquainted with various vices and so in order to prove his knowledge is led into various indiscretions, which result in the contraction of vile habits or of loathsome diseases.
If a boy at an early age were given the true idea of the meaning of being a man or of manhood we would have fewer physical wrecks and incompetent individuals.
"What can a boy do, and where can a boy stay,
If he is always told to get out of the way?
He cannot sit here, and he must not stand there,
The cushions that cover that fine rocking chair
Were put there, of course, to be seen and admired;
A boy has no business to ever be tired.
The beautiful roses and flowers that bloom
On the floor of the darkened and delicate room
Are made not to walk on—at least, not by boys;
The house is no place, anyway, for their noise,
Yet boys must walk somewhere, and what if their feet,
Sent out of their houses, sent into the street,
Should step round the corner and pause at the door
Where other boys' feet have paused often before;
Should pass the gateway of glittering light,
Where jokes that are merry and songs that are bright
Ring out a warm welcome with flattering voice,
And temptingly say, 'Here's a place for the boys.'
"Ah, what if they should? What if your boy or mine
Should cross o'er the threshold which marks out the line
'Twixt virtue and vice, 'twixt pureness and sin,
And leave all his innocent boyhood within?
Oh, what if they should, because you and I
While the days and the months and the years hurry by,
Are too busy with cares and with life's fleeting joys
To make round our hearthstone a place for the boys?
There's a place for the boys. They'll find it somewhere;
And if our own homes are too daintily fair
For the touch of their fingers, the tread of their feet,
They'll find it, and find it, alas, in the street,
'Mid the gilding of sin and the glitter of vice;
And with heartaches and longings we pay a dear price
For the getting of gain that our lifetime employs,
If we fail to provide a good place for the boys."
This little poem, published anonymously in a country newspaper, seems to me to tell the story of why boys go astray. They are not understood at home and so naturally go where someone seems to understand and want them.
In a great many homes the boy's room is a very unattractive place, merely a place in which to sleep. He is not allowed in the "parlor." He always seems to be in the way. No one seems to take any interest in the things that are closest to his heart. It is only natural that he should gradually drift to the saloon, the billiard room, the questionable houses, because he is made to feel that he is welcome there. Indeed his tastes and desires are consulted there.
A boy always is interested in sex problems. The vulgar delight in feeding his fancy, in giving him exaggerated ideas of these much abused subjects. He is lead on from one step to another. Often many of the things he does are performed in a spirit of bravado, simply because he does not wish to appear "green."
From one of the reliable magazines comes this information: "Forty-one families—'nice families,' as we call them—were last May thrown into consternation and humiliation by being privately notified by the head master of a boys' school that their boys would not be reëntered for another term at his school. 'A fearful condition of immorality,' wrote the head master, 'has been unearthed at the school, and in order to set an example to the rest of the boys, every boy concerned will be denied reëntrance to this school.'
"The 'fearful condition of immorality' discovered in the school was, as the head master privately explained, traceable, as it generally is, 'to one boy, the son of a family of unquestioned standing in its community,' and he has involved the other boys.
"The boy in question was not a vicious lad: on the contrary, he was a boy possessed of more than ordinary good characteristics. When he was brought up before the head master and the full result of his baneful influence was explained to him the boy was panic stricken.
"'Didn't you realize what you were doing?' asked the head master.
"'No,' replied the boy, who was nineteen and really a young man: 'I knew it was wrong, yes, but I didn't realize how wrong. As a matter of fact,' said the boy, 'I didn't know what I was doing, and how I was getting the boys into a thing that I now see is more serious than I had any idea of.'
"'Didn't your father and mother ever explain these things to you?' asked the head master.
"'Not a word,' answered the boy, and then as a grim look came on his face he said: 'God! I wish they had!'
"A pleasant realization must it be to the parents of this boy as they read this sentence in the head master's letter to the father of this boy:
"'I cannot but feel that your criminal negligence in the most vital duty that can come to a parent is the direct cause in this twofold calamity: first, of the downfall of your own son; and second, of the downfall of each of the other forty boys, and of the humiliation in which they and their parents find themselves. These are hard words to say to you, but they are true, and I say them not alone as the head master of this school, but also as one father to another, and as one man to another.'"
In the growing youth's mind there arise many questions that he would like to talk over with his father, but he feels diffident about asking him. Too often the boy grows up and goes away to college without ever talking with his father about manhood. In all matters concerning his business relations and success, the boy has received careful instruction. He has not been left to work out those problems by himself but is given the benefit of the experiences of those who have trodden the road before. But in this matter so vital to his whole life, he has been left to clear his own path through the woods. With no guide and bewildered with the new ideas and experiences that crowd upon him, is it any wonder he loses his way, wanders off the straight path, falls ofttimes into some bog that perhaps was hidden from his sight by surrounding flowers and to which he has been lured by siren music?
The father's duty to his son is plain—and must not be neglected. In some cases the mother must attend to this duty and for the future welfare of her son she must see that he receives adequate instruction.