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How to Get Married, Although a Woman; or, The Art of Pleasing Men

Chapter 40: WOMAN.
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About This Book

A prescriptive guide aimed at women who wish to marry, arguing that the desire for companionship is natural and challenging social double standards about female courtship. It analyzes personal qualities and social behaviors that tend to attract or repel suitors, identifies common mistakes, and offers practical methods to improve manners, conversation, appearance, and domestic readiness. Chapters move from youthful longing through widowhood, include warnings about ethics and authenticity in courting, and close with reflections on married life accompanied by selected poetic and prose passages.

“Oh, happy state! when souls each other draw;
When love is liberty and nature’s law;
All then is full, possessing and possessed,
No craving void left aching in the breast;
E’en thought meets thought, ere from the lips it part,
And each warm wish springs mutual from the heart.”

THE GIFT OF GIFTS—A Word to Husbands.

Husband, have you this gift of gifts? Has God in superabounding mercy given you a dear wife, lovely, virtuous, prudent, sensible, intelligent, and above all a God-fearing wife, meek, modest, humble, Christlike?—“an helpmeet” in very deed? Well, what do you think of it? Do you appreciate the blessing duly?—make suitable returns? Can you do it? Such a gift is unspeakable. How few, comparatively, appreciate the gift of a good wife?

A very godly man said to us recently, “I thank the Lord daily, hourly, for the jewel of a wife God hath given me.” A distinguished writer—speaking of the value of a good wife—remarks thus: “In the true wife the husband finds not affection only, but companionship—a companionship with which no other can compare. The family relation gives retirement without solitude, and society without the rough intrusion of the world. It plants in the husband’s dwelling a friend who can listen to the details of his interests with sympathy, who can appreciate his repetition of events, only important as they are embalmed in the heart. Common friends are linked to us by a slender thread. We must retain them by ministering, in some way, to their interest or their enjoyment. What a luxury it is for a man to feel that in his house there is a true and affectionate being, in whose presence he may throw off restraint without danger to his dignity; he may confide without the fear of treachery, and be sick or unfortunate without being abandoned. If in the outward world he grow weary of human selfishness, his heart can safely trust in one whose soul yearns for his happiness, and whose indulgence overlooks his defects.”

Give your wives to understand that you esteem them above all others; make them your confidants; confide in them and they will confide in you; confidence begets confidence, love begets love, sweetness begets sweetness.

Above all, sympathize with the wives of your bosoms in the hour of affliction. Rejoice with them when they rejoice, and weep with them when they weep. Who, if not a bosom companion, will wipe from the cheek the falling tear of sorrow? Finally, husbands, remember that death will soon sever the connubial cord! When you behold her, with whom you lived, and toiled, and wept, and rejoiced, cold and lifeless, laid in the coffin—

“Think of the happiness so deep and tender
That filled thy heart when wandering by her side,
Think how her faintest smile had power to render
The darkest moment one of love and pride.
“And now that this frail form in death grows colder,
A sweet, calm rapture fills the parting hour,
That thou art with her, though a sad beholder,
A witness of the dear Redeemer’s power!”

Will you then regret that you studied always to promote her happiness? that the law of kindness and love dwelt on your lips evermore? O think, and be now her ministering angel!

“A prudent wife is from the Lord,” directly; to God be all the praise.

THE GOOD WIFE.

Jeremy Taylor says, “If you are for pleasure, marry; if you prize rosy health, marry; and if money is your object, marry. A good wife is heaven’s best gift to man—his angel and minister of graces innumerable—his gem of many virtues—his casket of jewels—her voice, his sweetest music—her smiles, his brightest day—her kiss, the guardian of his innocence—her arms, the pale of his safety, the balm of his health, the balsam of his life—her industry, his surest wealth—her economy, his safest steward—her lips his faithful counselors—her bosom, the safest pillow of his cares—and her prayers the ablest advocates of heaven’s blessings on his head.”

WOMAN.

“She ne’er with treacherous kiss her Saviour stung,
Nor e’er denied Him with unholy tongue;
She, when apostles shrank, could danger brave;
Last at His cross and earliest at His grave.”

“To think of summers yet to come,
That I am not to see;
To think a weed is yet to bloom
From dust that I shall be!
“To think when heaven and earth are fled,
And times and seasons o’er,
When all that can die shall be dead,
That I must die no more!
“Ah! where will then my portion be?
How shall I spend eternity!”