LESSON 22.
Purpose.—To show the necessity of good manners in the street.
Method.—An incident related. Pupils allowed to comment.
The Lesson.
The other day, as I was walking on the sidewalk, two or three boys came running down the hill, and nearly pushed me over. They never stopped to ask me to excuse them, but ran on, calling to everyone, “Out of the way!” Some little girls on the other side of the street were laughing very loudly and causing every one to look at them.
What do you say of these boys and girls?
“They were rude.”
“The boys were unkind.”
Ought not boys to run?
“Not against people.”
Ought not little girls to laugh?
“Not loudly in the street.”
Why not?
“Because it is not the custom of well-bred girls.”
How should people act on the street?
“They should give people their share of the walk.”
“They should not cause people to look at them.”
Yes, they should be little ladies and gentlemen on the street. 182.
LESSON 23.
Purpose.—To teach that undue curiosity shown on the street is impolite.
Method.—A story, followed by a conversation.
The Lesson.
Once there was a little boy who was deformed.
Who will tell me what that means?
“It means that he was a hunch-back.”
“Or that he had a queer foot.”
Yes, this poor boy had not feet like yours, and could walk very little without crutches. One day he was taking a walk with his nurse, and was trying to take a few steps without his crutches. Of course it was very hard work for him, and he went very slowly. Some boys were skipping down the hill towards him, and he looked as if he would give all he had in the world if he could skip too. But what do you suppose these boys did as they came near? They stopped still, and stared at the poor little fellow. It made him feel bad, for his cheeks grew red and tears filled his eyes as he hobbled away from them.
What would you have done, John, if you had been one of those boys?
“I would have walked right by without looking.”
“I would have looked at his face, but not at his feet.”
“I would have acted as if he were like other boys.”
Yes, that is the way to do. Think how you would like to be treated if you were in this boy’s place.
Is it the custom of well-bred people to stare at one on the street?
“No, Miss B.”
We will try to remember then——
“Never to stare at people on the street.”
Chapter IX.
MANNERS IN PUBLIC.
SECOND TWO YEARS.
Illustrative Lessons.
LESSON 24.
Purpose.—To show the necessity of good manners on the street.
Method.—A conversation.
The Lesson.
Suppose we play taking a walk to-day. Where shall we go, Belle?
“Around the square.”
Very well. You may start now, and Mary and Kate and Jennie may take hold of hands, and as they go along the street they may talk and laugh at the top of their voices. If they meet any one, they need not take any trouble to give up a part of the sidewalk. What do you say, Ned?
“That wouldn’t be right.”
Why not?
“Because it wouldn’t be nice for them to talk loud in the street.”
And you, Harry?
“They ought to let people pass on the sidewalk.”
Oh, I thought I saw some boys the other day who did not do it. Were they wrong?
“Yes’m, they were.”
How should we act in the street?
“We should be quiet.”
“And we should not be selfish and take all the walk.”
Why should our behavior on the street be good?
“Because many people see us there, and notice if it is not good.”
Subjects for Additional Lessons for Both Grades.
Polite attentions towards elderly people on the street.
Polite attention towards strangers who make inquiries.
Simple instruction in church manners.
Simple instruction in manners at places of entertainment.
Note.—Many suggestions for these lessons may be found in lessons for advanced grades.
Chapter X.
TABLE MANNERS.
FIRST TWO YEARS.
Illustrative Lessons.
LESSON 25.
Purpose.—To show the necessity of good table-manners.
Method.—A contrast drawn. Children allowed to comment.
The Lesson.
A little girl came to the table very hungry. There were a good many older people there, and as she had been taught to wait until the older ones were served, she sat very still and waited very patiently until every one else at the table was enjoying a nice dinner. She grew hungry every minute, and could hardly keep the tears back, but still did not ask for anything. When it was found that she had been forgotten, but was so patient and well-behaved, every one praised her, and you may be sure she had the best dinner they were able to give her.
Another little girl came to another table very hungry. She waited for no one, but immediately began to ask for this and that, and not in the nicest way, either. She made herself so disagreeable that every one at the table was glad to have her served first.
Did it pay the first little girl to wait?
“Yes’m. Everybody thought she was so nice.”
How about the other one?
“They thought she was a naughty girl.”
What is one way, then, by which you may make people like you?
“By behaving politely at the table.”
LESSON 26.
Purpose.—To show that punctuality at the table is desirable.
Method.—An incident related, followed by a conversation.
The Lesson.
Johnnie, like many little boys, was fond of sleeping in the morning. The bed always seemed the softest and his dreams the most interesting just as the rising bell rang. He would wake just enough to think there would be time enough before breakfast to go to sleep again and finish out that one dream. But nap followed nap until the sharp ting-a-ling-ling of the breakfast bell roused him. Then he would try to dress hurriedly, but every thing generally went wrong, and he would get out to breakfast too late for the delicious hot cakes the rest of the family had enjoyed. How do you think it made him feel to eat a cold breakfast?
“Cross.”
Tell me what you think of such a boy as Johnnie.
“He was lazy.”
“He didn’t do as his mother wished him to.”
Did he make his mother trouble?
“Yes’m. His breakfast had to be kept for him.”
“It would have been kinder if he had eaten with the rest.”
Think of Johnnie, and tell me what you mean not to do any more.
“To be late at the table.”
Why?
“Because it makes trouble and isn’t kind.”
And if not kind?
“Not polite.”
Does this mean the home-table only?
“No, Miss B. It means when we are at home or when we are visiting.”
LESSON 27.
Purpose.—To show that polite attention is specially due the lady of the house, at table.
Method.—A conversation.
The Lesson.
Who sits at the head of the table?
“Mother.”
Who, then, is the most honored one at the table?
“Mother.”
And mother is sometimes called “the lady of the house.” How can we tell when we ought to do certain things at the table?
“We can watch the lady of the house.”
Then how shall we know when to sit at the table?
“When the lady of the house sits.”
Yes, no one should sit until she does. And when the meal is over, how long should we stay at table?
“Until the lady of the house rises.”
Suppose it is necessary to leave the table before that?
“We must ask the one at the head of the table to excuse us.”
Unless we do these things what will be thought of us?
“People will think we have not been taught good manners.”
LESSON 28.
Purpose.—To show that selfishness at the table is not a sign of good manners.
Method.—A conversation.
The Lesson.
How many of you like oranges? I see that you all do. Suppose you were to have oranges for breakfast, and when they were brought on one should be much larger than the other, which would you want?
“The biggest one.”
Certainly, there is nothing wrong in that, but would you take the largest one?
“No, Miss B.”
Why not?
“I would leave that for mamma.”
“It isn’t polite to take the largest and best for yourself.”
Who should have the best?
“Mamma and papa.”
Suppose grandmamma or grandpapa should be at the table?
“Then they should have the best.”
Tell me who should have the best when there is any choice.
“The older people.”
How should the others feel about it?
“They should be glad to give the best to others.”
LESSON 29.
Purpose.—To specify some forms of polite expressions used at table.
Method.—An incident related. Criticisms elicited from pupils.
The Lesson.
I once sat down to dine at a table where there were three children. They seemed to be nearly starved, although I knew they had eaten a good breakfast. As soon as they had taken their seats they called out, “I want some bread,” “Give me some meat,” “Pass that jelly;” and when they were served they began to eat as if it were their first meal in a long time. I think some of you would have been surprised at those children’s manners. What have you to say about them, Jennie?
“They ought to have kept still until they were served.”
“They ought to have said, ‘I would like some bread, if you please.’”
“And ‘Will you please give me some meat?’”
“And? ‘Will you be so kind as to pass the jelly?’”
Yes, that would have been much better. What should you say when something is passed to you at table, and you do not wish it?
“Not any, I thank you.”
“I don’t care for any, thank you.”
If you remember to do these things, what will be said of you?
“That we know how to speak politely at the table.”
Chapter XI.
TABLE MANNERS.
SECOND TWO YEARS.
Illustrative Lessons.
LESSON 30.
Purpose.—To show the necessity of good table manners.
Method.—Questions.
The Lesson.
Suppose you should see at any table a young lady, very pretty and very nicely dressed, a perfect stranger to you, and she should say to the servant, in quite a loud tone of voice, “Hurry, and bring me my dinner.” What would you think of her, Henry?
“I should think she had not learned to be polite.”
Suppose she should eat very rapidly, putting the food to her mouth with a knife, what would you think of her, Kate?
“I should think she knew very little about good manners.”
And if she should take the choicest of everything on the table for herself?
“I should say she was very selfish.”
How have you formed these opinions of the young lady?
“From her table manners.”
Then good table manners are very important. Why?
“Because people judge us by them.”
LESSON 31.
Purpose.—To show the deference due the lady of the house at table.
Method.—A conversation.
The Lesson.
Who is the lady of the house, usually?
“The mother of the family.”
What seat at table does she usually occupy?
“She sits at the head of the table.”
Is there any way of knowing when we shall take our seats at table? Shall we take them just as it happens?
“We should take them when mother does, not before.”
Or if we are away from home?
“When the lady of the house does.”
Yes, or when the one who presides at the table sits.
How long should we sit at table, John?
“Until we have finished eating.”
It is not proper to leave as soon as we have finished.
Can any one tell when we should rise from the table?
“When the lady of the house rises.”
Yes. Suppose it is necessary to leave before that?
“We should ask to be excused.”
Can you think of any other politeness to be shown the mother, or the lady of the house, at table?
“We should be prompt at meals.”
Where?
“Both at home and away from home.”
Why?
“Because it is impolite to keep people waiting for us.”
LESSON 32.
Purpose.—To specify some polite usages at table.
Method.—A conversation.
The Lesson.
I would like you to tell me some things about table manners. You may think of polite ways of asking for things at table, and I will write them on the blackboard as you give them. But first you may tell me whom you should ask.
“A servant, if there is one.”
And if not?
“Any one who can easily reach what is wanted.”
You may tell me how to ask.
“Please pass the bread.”
“May I ask you for the bread?”
“Will you be so kind as to pass the bread?”
Yes, and if you are asked if you would like the bread, what should you say?
“If you please.”
“And ‘Thank you,’ if you take it.”
If you should not wish it?
“No, I thank you.”
“Or, ‘Not any, I thank you,’”
How do you know these expressions are polite?
“Polite people use them.”
Subjects for Additional Lessons.
Use of fork and spoon, with practical illustrations.
Impoliteness of rapid eating.
Chapter XII.
LESSON ON MANNERS.
FOR ADVANCED PUPILS.
LESSON 1.
Purpose.—To suggest the underlying principles of good manners.
Method.—Item to be read with or without comment, or questions to be asked.
The Lesson.
Some one says “True politeness consists in making every one happy about you.” It is true that forgetfulness of self and thoughtfulness of the comfort and happiness of others makes one’s behavior very acceptable to others. A kind heart is undoubtedly the foundation of good manners; but if this be so, there are other qualities of equal importance that form a superstructure on which good manners rest. We use the term gentleman and lady with reference to outward appearance, but they also imply that a person is honest and true and refined. Who would think of calling one a gentleman if his word could not be trusted? Charles I. said to the Commoners, “You have not only the word of a king but of a gentleman.” Could a lady be guilty of indelicate language? Would a real gentleman or lady ridicule the unfortunate? True courtesy implies much more than an outside show. Even what seems a mere form is usually founded in kindness and common sense. It is necessary that we become familiar with these forms. We do not like to be called odd or peculiar. We do not like to be considered ignorant of what good and wise people have decided it proper and right to do. We wish rather to copy the manners of the best people that we may gain their esteem and be classed with them. If we learn and practise good manners while we are young, when older we shall practise them unconsciously, as they will have become a habit.
(Questions to be used if preferred.)
What leads people to be polite?
How has some one defined true politeness?
What did Charles I. imply by his statement?
Why is it necessary to become familiar with the formalities of good manners? Give illustration of some practice of polite society that might be termed a formality. Enumerate the underlying principles of good manners.
Chapter XIII.
MANNERS IN SCHOOL.
LESSON 2.
Purpose.—To show the necessity of good manners in school.
Method.—Item to be read with or without comment, or questions to be asked.
The Lesson.
Young people sometimes seem to think good manners are to be put on as fine clothes are, not for every-day wear, but for company only. Those who put this theory into practice will find that good manners fit them in company no better than garments cut for some one else. If manners really spring from a kind heart, they will be practised everywhere. Good manners in school continually practised will soon become a habit. Courteous pupils rarely need reprimand or reproof. They treat their teacher as they would a friend, and in this way help greatly in making the school pleasant and profitable. Such pupils remember their school-days with pleasure.
Questions. What is the appearance of one who is only occasionally polite?
What is the real source of good manners?
Where should they be practised?
Are good manners as important in a school-room as in a parlor?
What is the effect of good manners in the school?
LESSON 3.
Purpose.—To show that regularity and punctuality of attendance at school are signs of good manners.
Method.—Item to be read with or without comment, or questions to be asked.
The Lesson.
In all well-regulated schools, teachers and school-officers place much stress upon regularity of attendance; consequently an avoidable or inexcusable absence shows disrespect to school authority.
When a pupil enters a school-room late it interrupts and disturbs all who are present. An avoidable interruption or disturbance is, of course, impolite. Any disregard of the rules of school shows a lack of respect for teachers and school-officers. Lack of respect and true politeness never go together.
Questions. What is the rule in this school relative to regularity of attendance?
What in reference to punctuality?
What absences or tardinesses show disrespect to school authority?
How does disrespectful conduct affect the manners?
To what kind of manners do regularity and punctuality tend?
LESSON 4.
Purpose.—To show that cleanliness is one sign of good manners in school.
Method.—Item to be read with or without comment, or questions to be asked.
The Lesson.
Cleanliness of person and tidiness of dress are unmistakable signs of good breeding. The minutest detail of the toilet should be attended to. Frequent bathing and proper attentions to the hair, the teeth, the nails, are of no slight importance. The clothing also should be clean. Pupils who fail to observe these directions not only show lack of respect for themselves, but for their teachers and school-mates. Disrespect is impoliteness.
Questions. What opinion do you form of a person who is untidy?
What details of the toilet may be neglected?
How does slovenliness of dress affect the reputation of one who indulges in it?
Of what does untidiness show a lack?
Is disrespectful treatment of another ever polite?
LESSON 5.
Purpose.—To show that care for school belongings is a sign of good breeding.
Method.—Item to be read and questions asked.
The Lesson.
Proper respect for the school will deter pupils from throwing on school-grounds, or on the steps of buildings, or on the floors of the corridors or of the school-room, whatever is unsightly.
The same may be said with reference to chalk or pencil marks, or anything that defaces school-buildings or school furniture.
In stormy weather pupils should not enter a school-building without first cleaning the shoes or removing rubbers. They should enter quietly and never be noisy or boisterous inside of a school-room. Running or jumping, or stepping on the seats or desks, is not allowable.
Pupils should take care of what they use but do not own. Books or any materials furnished by the school should be carefully and economically used. Moreover, if pupils are well-bred their own books will be devoid of finger-marks or cuts, or of marks and soil of any kind except that which comes from constant use.
Questions. If pupils have the proper feeling for their school, what care will they take of the grounds? Of the buildings? Of the furniture?
How show good breeding in economy?
What rule holds good in returning borrowed articles?
How should school-books be used even by their owners?
Show how all these things are indicative of good breeding.
Show how they are one step towards good citizenship.
LESSON 6.
Purpose.—To show how pupils should conduct themselves towards their teachers.
Method.—Item to be read with or without comment.
The Lesson.
1. When pupils are placed under the charge of a teacher it is supposed the teacher knows what is for their best good; consequently a teacher’s directions should be respected and obeyed. In matters pertaining to conduct, pupils should yield their opinions to that of a wise and faithful teacher, and should do it with quick and cheerful obedience. Sulking, contradiction, or delay in obeying are not only wrong, but inexcusably rude.
2. Oftentimes pupils seem to regard it as no impoliteness to interrupt a teacher either by inattention, disorder, or questions, when a lesson is in progress. There are times when certain questions relative to lessons are in order, but irrelevant questions, or unnecessary requests, or hand-raising or shaking before a teacher has finished speaking, are just as impolite in a school-room as elsewhere. There are, of course, certain usages peculiar to a school-room which would not be considered in order elsewhere, because unnecessary; but, generally speaking, good manners in a school-room and in a parlor are the same.
3. Pupils should be kind and thoughtful in assisting teachers whenever it is possible, by handing anything needed, or by waiting upon them in any way. Boys, especially, should be quick to offer help in erasing blackboards, in lifting heavy articles, or in picking up anything accidentally dropped. All pupils should help to put things in their proper places and to keep the school-room in order. This is kindness and politeness.
4. Boys should always take off their hats before entering a school-room, and should not put them on at dismissal, until they reach the outside door. If a teacher should stand at that door, hats should not be put on until the teacher is passed. When boys meet a teacher in the street they should always raise their hats, whether the teacher be a gentleman or a lady. Both in school and out, when pupils speak to or of their teacher, they should speak the real name, and not use the indefinite title, “Teacher.”
Subjects for Additional Lessons.
Kind treatment of school-mates: when they are under criticism; when they are peculiar in dress, speech, or manner; when they are unfortunate; when they are strangers.
Respectful treatment of the janitor.
Respectful treatment of visitors.
Respectful treatment of those who address the school.
Reminders.
1. Do not fail to say “Good-morning, Miss ——” to your teacher, and “Good-afternoon Miss ——” when you leave her.
2. When you pass directly in front of your teacher, say “Excuse me.”
3. Never fail to say “Thank you” (not “Thanks”) for the smallest favor.
4. Do not continually raise the hand, and never shake it in school, to attract attention.
5. Never stand at your desk, or step forward raising your hand, and shaking it at your teacher.
6. When a school-mate is reading or answering a question, do not raise hands until he has finished.
7. Do not “fuss” with pencils, strings, pins, or anything else when you ought to give your whole attention to your lesson.
8. When your hands are not occupied with books or other things, as directed by a teacher, they should be clasped in your lap.
9. If you have a desk-mate, give him his full share of seat, desk, and shelf.
10. When you pass directly in front of your school-mates, say “Excuse me.”
11. Do not stare at strangers who enter the school-room.
12. Do not slide down in your seat nor lounge in a school-room.
13. When you stand to recite, stand erect, without leaning against the desk. Stand on both feet.
14. Do not swing the feet, nor scrape them on the floor, nor keep them in constant motion.
15. Always be provided with sponge or slate-cloth.
16. Hand a book right side up.
17. In handing a pointer, pencil, or pen, hand the blunt end.
18. Never call from the outside to a pupil in a school-room.
19. Do not call from the school-room to some one outside.
20. Do not look in at windows of a school-room.
21. Always rap before entering any school-room but your own, or any teacher’s office.
22. Do not chew gum in school.
23. Do not eat in school.
Note.—When these “reminders” are given to young pupils they should be in the form of short lessons, and the thought should be brought out by relating incidents and by questioning as in illustrative lessons.
Chapter XIV.
PERSONAL HABITS.
Note.—These directions, although exceedingly important, are not, in many cases, agreeable topics of conversation. Therefore, in giving them, teachers must use their good taste and discretion in deciding whether to give arbitrarily or not. When they are given without comment they should be impressed on the memory of the child by calling for frequent repetitions of items, and by patient and continued enforcement of directions, whenever the occasion presents itself. The connection between the direction and the spirit of kindness should be traced whenever it is possible to do so. Lessons on manners in school may be taken as a guide when it is thought best to enlarge upon any item. Whether or not a lesson be given to the younger children on the importance of attending to personal habits may be left to the discretion of a teacher.
LESSON 7.
Purpose.—To show the necessity of attention to personal habits.
Method.—An item read with or without comment.
The Lesson.
Although personal habits are not pleasant topics of conversation, it seems necessary to give them some consideration. Many young people indulge in certain practices that are disagreeable and impolite, perhaps not so much from lack of knowledge of what is proper as from thoughtlessness and from not appreciating the importance of giving these matters due attention. Young people should realize that these matters, although seemingly trifling, are sufficient to show whether they have been accustomed to polite society or not. There is nothing which tells more quickly. Minute attention to personal habits gives one an air of refinement and attractiveness which can be gained in no other way.
Suggestions for Instruction Relating to Personal Habits.
1. Whatever has been said in reference to cleanliness in school applies out of school as well. Cleanliness is a pretty certain sign of good breeding. Every consideration of health and good taste and refinement urges to cleanliness. Never think to hide uncleanliness. If your habits are not neat, it will be known.
2. Never neglect the details of the toilet. Such toilet offices as cleaning the nails, the ears, the nose, are proper only in the privacy of one’s apartment. The nails should not be bitten. It destroys their beauty, and is an impolite and unhealthy habit.
3. Many people have a habit of continually feeling of the face or hair. This is not a mark of refinement of manners, and should not be indulged in. “Fussing” with anything, twirling things, drumming, should be avoided. When the hands are not necessarily employed, they should be kept quiet.
4. The feet should not be kept constantly and unnecessarily in motion, nor should they be brought into notice when possible to avoid it. Young ladies should not sit with the feet extended and crossed. No one should sit with the feet on the rounds of a chair. Tapping on the floor with the foot is not in good form.
5. Spitting is a disgusting habit. Avoid it whenever it is possible. Never give attention or refer to a sore on the face or hands when others are present. Yawning and stretching in company are considered rude. Hiccoughing and sneezing should be avoided, if possible.
6. The mouth should be kept closed, unless there is some good reason for opening it. One who has a habit of keeping the mouth open continually is considered weak mentally, if not physically.
7. Incessant smiling or laughing is silly and disagreeable. Smiling or laughing is allowable when there is something to laugh at. Giggling is unpardonable. Hearty laughter is allowable in some places, but boisterous laughter never. As a general thing the countenance should be kept in repose. This implies neither a silly nor a stern expression, but one indicative of kindness and common sense.
8. A loud or otherwise disagreeable voice is not a mark of the best manners. If such a voice is natural, it may be trained and toned down as in singing. A person of real refinement may have a peculiar voice, but not a disagreeably loud one. Humming is disagreeable and impolite.
9. Boys should not carry their hands in their pockets. Boys should not whistle when it will disturb or annoy any one.