LESSON 8.
Purpose.—To specify some particulars of street manners.
Method.—Item read with or without comment.
The Lesson.
No polite person will indulge in loud or boisterous conduct on the street. Loud talk or laughter is very ill-mannered. Only a quiet demeanor is allowable, and one who indulges in any other is guilty of rudeness. A complaint often made against pupils is that they are inclined to be rude and selfish in not giving those whom they meet their due share of the walk in passing. Oftentimes boys in their play are so heedless as to jostle against those passing on the sidewalk. This is selfish and rude. If it happens accidentally, suitable apologies should be made.
Questions.—In what tone of voice should one speak in the street? What does loud laughter in the street indicate? What demeanor is allowable? What fault is found with the manners of pupils on the street? What are your own observations in the matter? What are your criticisms?
Suggestions for Further Instruction.
In going to a place of amusement or entertainment it is not polite to performers or audience to arrive late. Arrive in season, take your seat quietly, and remain quiet and attentive throughout the whole entertainment. If there is any delay before the entertainment begins, the time should not be spent in loud laughing or talking. Nothing should be done to attract attention. Eating candy, nuts, or anything else at a place of entertainment is not in good form.
Too much cannot be said against talking or whispering or moving about when an entertainment is in progress. It shows either a lack of knowledge as to what is proper, or a disregard of propriety. It is also a rudeness to the performers, and a great source of annoyance to those who wish to listen. If the entertainment does not prove interesting, it is still the part of a lady or gentleman to remain through it all and to give respectful attention. It is very impolite to leave the place before the entertainment is concluded, in order to avoid passing out with the crowd.
Loud and long continued applause is impolite. It is proper to show pleasure if the entertainment pleases, but it must be done without boisterousness.
Rapping on the floor with canes, stamping of feet, whistling, etc., are insults, and if continued should receive the attention of a policeman.
It is a sign of good breeding to be in church before the service begins. If unavoidably late, enter very quietly, between parts of the service. Never whisper or laugh in church. It is irreverent and ill-bred. Never look around when people enter. Never be guilty of rudeness or boisterousness in a church, whether on Sunday or other days. Always show a proper respect for the place.
In your own church be polite to strangers. If it seems to be your place to do so, show them to a seat. Let no peculiarity of dress or manner on the part of strangers keep you from showing them any civility in church. In attending a church not your own be respectful in your conduct. Do not show curiosity nor ridicule observances that may seem peculiar.
Reminders.
In giving these to the pupils seek to arouse discussion.
1. When walking on the sidewalk, if you meet a person, keep to the right of the walk.
“’Tis a rule of the land that when travelers meet
In high-way or by-way, in alley or street,
On foot or in wagon, by day or by night,
Each favor the other and turn to the right.”
2. It is polite to recognize friends and acquaintances on the street. It is a custom of gentlemen to take off their hats when friends are met. They should take off their hats to gentlemen as well as to ladies. Both boys and girls should show special respect to any old person they may meet. The salutation should always be in a pleasant and friendly tone of voice. The face should show respect to acquaintances, and cordiality to friends. The name should be added to the salutation, as “Good-morning, Mr. A.” Never give the salutation as if it were a question. Never greet any one by “Halloa.”
3. If a gentleman is walking or driving with a lady acquaintance, he should take off his hat to any lady whom she recognizes.
4. When a lady accidentally drops anything in the street, any gentleman near, whether an acquaintance or not, should pick it up and hand it to her. The lady should not fail to acknowledge the courtesy. As the gentleman passes on, he should touch his hat to the lady. This civility of picking up things or assisting in any way should be shown to elderly and infirm people by girls as well as by boys.
5. It is impolite to turn and look at people after they have passed. It is rude to stare at them if peculiar in dress or manner. Special care should be taken not to stare at the deformed or unfortunate. Put yourself in their places and think how you would like to be treated.
6. It is considered impolite for people to gather in groups or crowds on the sidewalk and to obstruct the way. If two people meet who wish to converse with each other, one should turn and walk in the direction in which the other is going. It is not considered proper to stop for conversation on the street.
7. It is not the custom of well-bred people to chew gum, nor to eat fruit, nuts, or anything else, on the street.
8. One of the rudest things a boy or girl can do is to call out to a teacher or other person on the street. It is only the most ill-bred who will do it. The law can punish for it.
9. If a stranger inquires the way, take great pains to direct him, even if it requires some effort.
10. When in street cars or steam cars, if seats are lacking, it is the rule that gentlemen give up their seats to ladies. Ladies should not fail to thank gentlemen for this kindness.
Whenever any attention is shown a lady, such as opening or closing a window, taking bundles from the racks, etc., the lady should politely acknowledge it, and the gentleman should touch his hat as he turns away.
No one should occupy more room than is necessary, if by so doing others are deprived of a seat.
Chapter XVI.
TABLE MANNERS.
LESSON 9.
Purpose.—To show the importance of good table manners.
Method.—An item read with or without comment or questions asked.
The Lesson.
Perhaps the question of how to eat is not of quite the importance as what to eat, but in some particulars pertaining to the laws of health the two are of equal rank. How to eat is of much more importance than many young people think, inasmuch as it is a certain test of delicacy and refinement. If a person eats immoderately fast, no one truly refined will set him down as a gentleman. If one defies the regulations which society has made relative to table manners, he is classed as decidedly ill-bred or ignorant. It is well to study the etiquette of the table, and to put in use those practices that have been decided by the best society as being proper.
Questions.—Should the rules of society as to table manners be disregarded? What does a lack of good table manners indicate? Are table manners indicative of character?
Subjects for Additional Lessons.
Deference to the Lady of the House at Table.
Suggestions.—Do not be late at the home table. Never be late when a guest. Do not take your seat at the table until the lady of the house takes hers, nor rise from the table until she gives the signal. If necessary to leave the table before the meal is over, ask to be excused of the one presiding.
Polite Phraseology of the Table.
Suggestions.—When it is desired that any article on the table be passed, a servant should be asked, if there is one near. If not, the request should be made of some one at the table, as follows: “Please pass the bread,” “I would thank you for the bread,” “Will you be kind enough to pass the bread?” etc.
When offered anything at the table, the acceptance should be accompanied by “Thank you.” If anything is declined, it should be with “No, I thank you,” or “Not any, I thank you.”
Selfishness at Table.
Suggestions.—To take the best when there is any choice in the food is to show a very selfish disposition. This does not apply when urged to do so, but to seem to wish the best is inexcusable.
Reminders.
1. Sit reasonably near the table, neither too near nor too far away. Never place the elbows on the table. Do not sit so far away as to be obliged to lean forward. Do not bend over the plate. Do not spread the elbows when cutting meat, etc.
2. Young people should wait patiently and quietly until the older ones at table have been served. While waiting to be served, the knife or fork or napkin ring, or any other table article, should be left untouched. The hands should be quietly folded in the lap until one is served. The napkin may be spread over the lap when one first sits down at the table. Gentlemen do not now tuck the napkin under the chin.
3. It is proper to begin eating as soon as served, although there should be no indecorous haste. An exception to this rule is that no one should begin to eat the dessert until all are served.
4. Do not help yourself first to anything on the table. Never put your own knife, fork, or spoon into the food except as it has been served to you. It is rude to reach across the table or to rise and reach in order to help yourself. If servants are not near, ask politely of some one at the table that the dish be passed.
5. Rapid eating is impolite and unhealthy. The mouth should not be filled too full, and the food should be thoroughly chewed. Do not chew the food so as to be heard. Do not smack the lips in eating. Do not draw in the breath when eating soup, drinking milk, tea, etc. Be careful not to show the food in your mouth. Do not attempt to eat the last drop of soup nor the last morsel of food on the plate.
6. The knife is used in cutting up the food, but it should not convey the food to the mouth. The fork should be used for this purpose. There is a proper way of holding knife and fork which can best be learned by observing some one who does it properly. Soup should be eaten from the side of the spoon.
7. When drinking tea or coffee, drink from the cup and not from the saucer. When drinking from a goblet or tumbler, be careful not to tip them too much. It is not in good form to throw the head back and invert the tumbler. It is not well to drink much water while eating.
8. If necessary to eject anything from the mouth while eating, use the fork in conveying it from the mouth to the plate. Fruit stones may be removed with the fingers and placed upon the plate.
9. When salt is taken from the salt-cellar, it should be put on the plate and not on the table-cloth. Vegetables should be eaten with a fork, if possible, rather than with a spoon. When small dishes are used in serving vegetables, fruit, etc., they should not be taken in the hand, but left on the table.
10. It is a disputed question what to do with the knife and fork when the plate is passed for a second supply. It seems the better plan not to leave them on the plate, as they are liable to fall off or to be in the way, but to hold them in the right hand, or to place them on the table in such a manner as not to soil the cloth.
11. Do not use a tooth-pick in public. It is a common practice, but not with the best-bred people. Never indulge in the disgusting practice of removing bits of food from the teeth with the tongue or fingers. The teeth should receive attention in private.
Chapter XVII.
MANNERS IN SOCIETY.
SUGGESTIONS FOR LESSONS.
1. When a request is to be made, no matter how slight, it should be given in the form of a request and not of a command. Such expressions as “Please” and “Will you be so kind?” should be very frequently used. When a request has been complied with, “Thank you” should never be forgotten.
2. Gentlemen should not remain seated when there are ladies or older people standing in the room. No young people should remain seated when by so doing they oblige older people to stand. Young people should not occupy the easiest chairs nor the most comfortable places in a room when older people are present.
3. Whispering in company is ill-mannered. Laughing at something not understood by the whole company, or at least by all who would notice the laughing, is very impolite. Exchanging glances or meaning smiles is rude. Boisterous laughter is always rude.
4. If asked to sing or play or to contribute in any legitimate way to the entertainment of company, one should, if possible, comply with the request without waiting to be urged. When one is trying to entertain a company, the company should give respectful attention, never annoying the performer by whispering or talking or moving about. When games are proposed, unless there is some reason for not doing so, every one who is invited to join in them should do so with right good will. Good manners are based on kindness, and a kind heart will lead any one to contribute as much as possible to the enjoyment of all.
5. One should give respectful and kindly attention to another who is talking to him. No matter if the conversation is not of great interest, it should be listened to without interruption. This is especially true when elderly people talk to those younger. When it is necessary to discontinue the conversation, one should ask to be excused. When two people begin to talk at the same time, each should be ready with an “Excuse me,” or “I beg pardon,” to yield the privilege of speaking first to the other.
6. It is a mark of good manners to show courtesy to servants or to any in humble stations in life. A polite request is always better than a stern command. Whoever shows disregard of the feelings of a servant or one in humble station, gives unmistakable proof of ill-breeding.
7. It is courteous to commend what is commendable. One should take pains to express commendation in words to the one who deserves it. This is really no more than common politeness. Many find it easy to speak words of blame, but do not seem to think what gratification a word of deserved praise affords.
Reminders.
1. When asked a question to be answered by Yes or No it is considered more polite to say “Yes, Mrs. A.” than “Yes, ma’am.” “Yes, sir” and “No, sir” are allowable, but “Yes, Mr. A.” is better. When something is said, and the one to whom it is said does not hear or understand, the following questions are proper: “Sir?” “I beg pardon,” “What did you say, Mrs. A.?” When a person’s name is spoken before a question is asked, the response should be “Sir?” or “Yes, Mrs. A.?”
2. When entering a private house gentlemen should remove their hats. Any one should remove rubbers. Umbrella, hat, overcoat, or waterproof should be left in the hall.
3. In entering a parlor, host and hostess should be first sought out and spoken to. If the family only be present, the one entering may properly shake hands with all. This is partly a matter of choice, but if it is either a formal or an informal call (not a business call) it is highly proper. When the company is large, it is unnecessary. The same direction applies in leaving.
4. When in company or when making a call, lounging or rocking should not be indulged in. Sitting with the chair tipped in any way, or with the feet on the rounds of the chair, is not allowable. Ladies should not sit with the feet or knees crossed. Gentlemen should not sit with the feet elevated. The feet should remain on the floor, and should be as inconspicuous as possible. No one should sit with the feet far apart.
5. Fumbling or fussing with the watch-chain or with a ribbon or anything else should be avoided; also drumming with the fingers or twirling things. When the hands are not necessarily occupied they should be kept quiet. The same may be said of the feet. Swinging the feet or keeping them in motion or prominently in sight is not proper. Constant and unnecessary motion of hands or feet gives one an appearance of restlessness which is not at all conducive to elegance of manner. Repose of manner should be cultivated.
6. Avoid passing directly in front of people when possible. It is better, however, to pass in front of others with a “Pardon me,” or “Excuse me,” than to crowd behind them. A gentleman should allow a lady to pass through a door before him, holding it open for her, if necessary. Gentlemen should go up-stairs before a lady, and behind her in coming down.
7. It is rude to stare at people in company, especially if they are peculiar in any way. Seem not to notice any deformity or any peculiarity of dress or manner. Remember the Golden Rule.
8. Demonstrations of affection are out of place in company or anywhere else in public. Girls should not sit or walk with their arms about each other, or clasp hands, or lean against each other. A gushing manner is silly and impolite.
9. Reading to one’s self in company is not excusable. Reading aloud is still worse, unless by special request.
10. When strangers are to be presented to each other, the directions are as follows: Gentlemen should be presented to ladies (as, Miss B., allow me to present Mr. C.), young men to elderly men, young women to elderly women. People who have been introduced should make some conversation with each other, and not turn rudely away without a word.
11. When people make calls they should inquire at the door for those whom they wish to see. They should also send in their names if unknown to the one who comes to the door. When callers enter a room, persons in the room not inquired for should soon leave. No member of the family should enter the room when one is receiving calls unless it is very necessary, and then an apology should be offered.
Chapter XVIII.
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
1. Never enter a private room without rapping. Never look over a person’s shoulder when he is reading or writing. Never read what is designed for another person only. Be courteous in thought as well as in act.
2. Take good care of borrowed articles, and return them in reasonable time. Never lend borrowed articles. It is proper for the one who borrows to return the article in person or to send by a servant. To compel the owner to send for his property is a gross violation of good manners.
3. When necessary to make an inquiry of a stranger it should be prefaced with “Excuse me,” “Pardon me,” or “Will you kindly tell me?”
4. In extending invitations for visits or parties it is proper to state the time definitely. Punctuality in keeping all engagements is a mark of good breeding in society as well as in business.
5. When gentlemen are walking with ladies it is a proper courtesy to offer to relieve them of their parcels, parasols, shawls, etc.
6. When gifts or favors have been received, prompt acknowledgment should be made. The slightest favor deserves acknowledgment.