Write "village inn," "next room," &c., for these absurd
circumlocutions. See (3).
64. "When Burgoyne was born, in 1782, Napoleon and Wellington were both boys (11)."
Napoleon studied at Brienne, Wellington at Eton. Mention this, and, in order to imply the boyhood, call Wellington "Arthur Wellesley."
65. "An honourable friend of mine, who is now, I believe, near me—(38) to whom I never can on any occasion refer without feelings of respect, and, on this subject, (36) feelings of the most grateful homage; (38) whose abilities upon this occasion, as upon some former ones, are not entrusted merely to the perishable eloquence of the (a) day, but will live to be the admiration of that (a) hour when all of us are mute and most of us forgotten: (b) (38) has told you that prudence is (52) the first of virtues, and (52) can never be used in the cause of vice."
(a) Though "of the day" is a recognized expression for "ephemeral" or "transitory," yet to use "day" for a short time, and "hour" for a longer, is objectionable. Write moment for day. Else write future for hour. (b) "—this gentleman has told &c."
66. "To see the British artisan and his wife on the Sabbath, neat and clean and cheerful, with their children by their sides, (a) (19) disporting themselves under the open canopy of heaven, is (15) pleasant."
(a) There is no reasonable ground for mistaking the sense here, as the context makes it clear; but since Lord Shaftesbury was questioned whether he meant disporting to qualify "artisan and his wife" or "children," write "and, by their sides, their children disporting &c."
67. "Even if (a) it were attended with extenuating circumstances, such conduct would deserve severe reprobation, (b) and it is the more called for because it would seem that (c) it was the intention of the author of the crime, in perpetrating (e) it, to inflict all the misery that was possible, upon his victim." See (5).
(a) Omit "it were." (b) "which." (c) "to have been." (d) Express "author of the crime" in one word. (e) Use the noun.
68. "The (a) (1) observance of the heavenly bodies must have been attended with great difficulties, (b) (30) before the telescope was (a) (1) discovered, and it is not to be wondered at if the investigations of astronomers were often unsatisfactory, and failed to produce complete (a) (1) persuasion, (30) (15, a) under these disadvantages."
(a) What is the difference between "observance" and "observation," "discover" and "invent," "persuasion" and "conviction"? (b) Begin "Before &c."
69. "He plunged into the sea once more, (30) not content with his previous exertions. After a long and dangerous struggle, he succeeded in reaching a poor woman that was crying piteously for help, and (a) (35) was at last hauled safely to shore."
(a) Point put and remedy the ambiguity by inserting "he" or by writing "who," according to the meaning.
70. "Sir John Burgoyne himself, face to face with Todleben, became (a) (1) conscious of the difference between the fortifications of San Sebastian and of Sebastopol, (b) which (10 e) was (c) (12) very weak compared with Metz or Paris."
(a) What is the exact meaning of conscious? (b) Avoid the relative, by repeating the name, with a conjunction, (c) "weakness itself."
71. "Upon Richard's leaving the (c) stage, the Commonwealth was again set up; and the Parliament which Cromwell had (a) broken was brought together; but the army and they fell into new disputes: so they were again (a) broken by the army: and upon that the nation was like to fall into (b) (11) great convulsions."
(a) Modern Eng., "broken up." (b) "violently convulsed." (c) It is a question whether this metaphor is in good taste. The meaning is that Richard "retired from public life." It might be asserted that Richard, the Commonwealth, the Parliament are regarded as so many puppets on a "stage." But this is extremely doubtful. Make Parliament the principal subject: "When Richard retired … and when the Commonwealth &c…. the Parliament was … but, falling into a dispute with &c., it was…." See (18) and (43).
72. "What a revolution in the military profession! He began with (a) (11) unnecessary formality, and (b) (11) inefficient weapons, and ended with (c) (b) (11) greatly improved fire-arms."
(a) "pig-tail and pipe-clay." (b) "Six-pounders and flint-locks" are now inefficient compared with "twenty-four-pounders and breech-loaders." (c) Something is wanted antithetical to (a), perhaps "loose drill" or "open order."
73. "Children fear to go in the dark. Men fear death in the same way. The fear of children is increased by tales. So is the fear of death. The contemplation of death, as the 'wages of sin,' and passage to another world, is holy and religious. The fear of it, as a tribute due unto nature, is weak. In religious meditations on death there is sometimes mixture of vanity and of superstition."
Insert connecting adverbs or conjunctions. See (44).
74. "I have often heard him reiterate (54) repeatedly that he would never again, if a safe (54) and secure path was open to him, prefer the perilous (54) road of danger, however alluring (54) and attractive the latter might be."
75. "I thought in my dream that when my friend asked me whether I did not observe anything curious in the conduct of the pigeons, I (a) (4 a) remarked that if any one of the birds was so bold as to take an atom from a heap of grain in the midst of them, (31) (which (b) a detachment guarded, and which, being continually increased and never eaten, seemed useless), all the rest turned against him and pecked him to death for the (c) (50) action."
(a) Point out the ambiguity. (b) This should come earlier in the sentence, and not as a parenthesis. "I noticed a heap of grain in the midst of them, guarded by … Being continually …, to all appearance, useless: yet." (c) "theft."
76. "If this low view of the royal office becomes generally adopted, then sovereigns who (8) have always hitherto commanded the respect of Englishmen will by degrees fall into disrespect."
Point out the ambiguity. Show how it might be removed (a) by punctuation, (b) by altering "who."
77. "I struck the man in self-defence. I explained this to the magistrate. He would not believe me. Witnesses were called to support my statements. He committed me to prison. He had the right to do this. It is a right that is rarely exercised in such circumstances. I remonstrated."
See (44). Insert conjunctions or connecting adverbs.
78. "He attained a very distinguished position by mere (15) perseverance and common sense, which (52) (10 a) qualities are perhaps mostly underrated, (30) though he was deficient in tact and not remarkable for general ability."
79. "Vindictiveness, which (a) (50) is a fault, (b) and which may be defined as anger (10 a) which is caused not by sin nor by crime but by personal injury, ought to be carefully distinguished from resentment, which (a) (50) is a virtue, (b) and which is anger (49) which is natural and (c) right caused by an act (d) which is unjust, because it is unjust, (30 a) not because it is inconvenient."
(a) "The fault of vindictiveness;" "the virtue of resentment." (b) Omit (c) "Right" cannot be used as an adjective, but "righteous" can. (d) "an act of injustice."
80. "(a) He told his friend that (a) his brother was surprised that (a) he had given so small a contribution, for (a) he was (b) (12) a very rich man, in spite of (a) his recent losses and the bad state of trade, (19) (30) compared with himself."
(a) Use (6). (b) What Asian king was proverbial for wealth?
81. "(a) (15 b) It must be indeed wrong to (a) crucify a Roman citizen if to (b) (32) slay one is almost parricide, to (b) scourge him is a monstrous crime, and to (b) bind him is an outrage."
(a) "What must it be…?" (b) See (40).
82. "The universal (54) opinion of all the citizens was that the citadel had been (15) betrayed, (30) having been captured in broad daylight by a very small number of the enemy, and those unprovided with scaling ladders, and admitted by a postern gate, (15 a) and much wearied by a long march."
In any case "betrayed" must come at the end of a sentence. The sentence may be converted into two sentences: "The citadel had been captured…. Naturally therefore …;" or, "The opinion … for it had been captured…." Else, if one sentence be used, write "As the citadel had been captured &c."
83. "This author surpassed all those who were living (a) at the same time with him in the forcible (b) manner in which he could address (c) an appeal to the popular sympathy, and in the ease with which he could draw towards (a) himself the hearts of his readers."
(a) Express in one word. (b) "force with." (c) Omit.
84. "This great statesman was indeed a pillar of commerce, and a star in the financial world. He guided or impelled the people from the quicksands of Protection and false political economy to the safe harbour of Free Trade; and (a) (14 a) saved the country several millions."
(a) It would be well to literalize the preceding metaphors. Else the literal statement must be changed into a metaphor.
85. "The ministers were most unwilling to meet the Houses, (a) (43) (51) because even the boldest of them (though their counsels were lawless (15) and desperate) had too much value for his (b) (11) personal safety to think of resorting to the (c) (12) unlawful modes of extortion that had been familiar to the preceding age."
(a) Begin a new sentence with "Lawless and desperate though their counsels had been &c." (b) "neck." (c) Insert some of these unlawful modes, "benevolences, ship-money, and the other &c."
86. "We will not (a) (15) pretend to guess what our grandchildren may think of the character of Lord Byron, as exhibited in (15 a) his poetry." No writer ever had the whole eloquence of scorn, misanthropy, and (a) (15) despair (15 a) so completely at his command. That fountain (b) (12) of bitterness was never dry."
(a) "We will not pretend to guess" and "despair" are intended by the author to be emphatic. (b) "Marah."
87. "The captain asked to be allowed fifty men, a supply of food, and one hundred and fifty breech-loaders. (44) The general replied coldly that he could not let his subordinate have (a) (4) anything that he wanted. (44) The captain was forced to set out (34) with an insufficient force, spite of the superabundance of soldiers doing nothing in the camp (34), and with every obstacle put in his way by a general who from the first had resolved not even to give him ordinary assistance, (b) (10 a') which the captain had for some time anticipated."
(a) Point out and remove the ambiguity. (b) Write, according to the meaning, " … assistance that" or " … a resolution that."
88. "I am a practical man, and disbelieve in everything (8) which is not practical; theories (a) which amuse philosophers and pedants have no attractions for me, (30) for this reason."
(a) What difference in the meaning would be caused by the use of "that" for the second "which"?
89. "Yet, when that discovery drew no other severity but the (11 a) turning (a) him out of office, and the (11 a) passing a sentence (b) condemning him to die for it (31) (which was presently pardoned, and he was after a short confinement restored to his liberty), all men believed that the king knew of the letter, (c) (43) and that (6 b) the pretended confession of the secretary was only collusion to lay the jealousies of the king's (d) (11 a) favouring popery, (e) (43) which still hung upon him, (30) notwithstanding his (e) writing on the Revelation, and his (e) affecting to enter on all occasions into controversy, (e) asserting in particular that the Pope was Antichrist."
(a) "expulsion from." (b) "a pretended sentence to death—a pretence that was soon manifested by his pardon and liberation." (c) Begin a new sentence: "'The secretary's pretended confession,' it was said, 'was &c.'" (d) "the suspicion that the king favoured Popery." (e) The juxtaposition of the two verbal nouns, "writing" and "affecting," with the participle "asserting," is harsh. Write, "For, notwithstanding that he affected controversy, and attacked the Pope as Antichrist in his treatise on the Book of Revelation, the king was still suspected."
90. "The opinion that the sun is fixed was once too (a) (1) universal to be easily shaken, and a similar prejudice has often (b) rendered the progress of new inventions (15 a) very slow, (19) arising from the numbers of the believers, and not (36) the reasonableness of the belief."
(a) Write "general." Show the absurdity of appending "too" to "universal." (b) What single word can be substituted for "rendered slow"?
91. "The rest of the generals were willing to surrender unconditionally, (30) depressed by this unforeseen calamity; (4) only the young colonel, who retained his presence of mind, represented to them that they were increasing the difficulties of a position in itself very difficult (19) (15, a) by their conduct."
92. "To (a) (31) an author who is, in his expression of any sentiment, wavering between the (b) demands of perspicuity and energy (of which the (c) (40 a) former of course requires the first care, lest (40 a) he should fail of both), and (37) doubting whether the (d) phrase which (8) has (e) the most force and brevity will be (f) readily taken (g) in, it may (h) (3) be recommended to use both (d) expressions; first, (h) to expound the sense sufficiently to be clearly understood, and then (i) to contract it into the most compendious and striking form."
(a) Write "When an author &c." (b) Can be omitted. (c) Assimilate the constructions: "Of which the former must, of course, be aimed at first, lest both be missed." (d) Use "expression" or else "phrase" in both places. (e) Assimilate the construction to what follows; write "that is most forcible and brief." (f) Insert "also." (g) "understood." (h) "let him use …; first let him expound." (i) Omit.
93. "When I say 'a great man,' I not (22) only mean a man intellectually great but also morally, (38) who (8) has no preference for diplomacy (a) (23) at all events which (10 a) is mean, petty, and underhanded to secure ends which (8) can be secured by an honest policy equally (20) well, (38) who (8) does not resemble Polonius, (b) who prefers to get at truth by untruthful tricks, and (b) who considers truth a carp which (10 g) is to be caught by the bait falsehood. We cannot call a petty intriguer great (c), (30) though we may be forced to call an unscrupulous man by that (15 a) name."
(a) "at all events no preference." (b) Why is who right here? If you like, you can write, "does not, like Polonius, prefer … and consider." (c) End with "we cannot give the name to a petty intriguer."
94. "I regret that I have some (a) (3) intelligence which (10 a) is of a most (3) painful nature, and which I must tell you at once, though (b) I should like to defer it on (c) (40 a) account of your ill-health, and because (c) (40 a) you have already had many troubles, and (40 a) owing to the natural dislike which (8) a friend must always feel to say that (10 f) which is unpleasant. Many old friends in this district have turned against you: I scarcely like to write the words: only (21) I remain faithful to you, and I am sure you will believe that I am doing that (10 f) which is best for your interests."
(a) "news." (b) In a letter these words should remain is they are; but if a period is desired, they must (30) come last, after "unpleasant." (c) Write "because of your ill-health … and the troubles … and because of…."
95. "The general at once sent back word that the enemy had suddenly appeared on the other side of the river, and [(35) or (37)] then (a) retreated. (b) It was thought that (b) it would have shown more (c) (1) fortitude on his (3) part if he had attacked the fortifications, (d) which were not tenable for more than a week at all events. Such was the (54) universal opinion, at (23) least, of (54) all the soldiers."
(a) Point out the ambiguity. (b) "It was thought he would have shown &c." (c) Distinguish between "fortitude" and "bravery." (d) What would be the meaning if "that" were substituted for "which"? It will be perhaps better to substitute for "which," "since they."
96. "A notion has sprung up that the Premier, though he can legislate, cannot govern, and has attained an influence which renders it imperative, if this Ministry is to go on, that (a) it should be dispersed."
(a) Who or what "has attained"? Write "and this notion has become so powerful that, unless it is dispersed…."
97. "Those who are habitually silent (a) (3) by disposition and morose are less liable to the fault of exaggerating than those who are habitually (a) (3) fond of talking, and (40 a) of (a) (3) a pleasant disposition."
(a) Each of these periphrases must be condensed into a single adjective.
98. "This author, (a) (31) though he is not (b) altogether (c) guiltless of (b) occasional (c) faults of exaggeration, which are to be found as plentifully in his latest works as in those which he (d) published when he was beginning his career as an author, yet, notwithstanding these (e) defects, surpassed all those who were living at the (f) same time with him in the clear (g) manner in which he could, as it were, see into the feelings of the people at large, and in the power—a power that indeed could not be (f) resisted—with which he drew (f) toward himself the sympathy of those who (f) perused his works." See (54).
(a) Convert the parenthesis into a separate sentence. (b) One of these words is unnecessary. (c) One of these is unnecessary. (d) Condense: "his earliest." (e) Omit these words as unnecessary. (f) Express all this in one word. (g) "clearness with."
99. "Among the North (a) (23) American Indians I had indeed heard of the perpetration of similar atrocities; but it seemed intolerable that such things should occur in a civilized land: and I rushed from the room at once, leaving the wretch where he stood, with his tale half told, (30) horror-stricken at his crime."
(a) Make it evident whether the speaker once lived among the North American Indians, or not, and show who is "horror-stricken."
100. "His (1) bravery under this painful operation and the (1) fortitude he had shown in heading the last charge in the recent action, (30) though he was wounded at the time and had been unable to use his right arm, and was the only officer left in his regiment, out of twenty who were alive the day before, (19) inspired every one with admiration."
Begin, "Out of twenty officers &c…. Though wounded &c…. he had headed." "The bravery he had then shown and…."
101. "Moral as well as (41) other considerations must have weight when we are selecting an officer (a) that (10 b) will be placed in a position that will task his intelligence (b) (18) and his fidelity."
(a) The repetition of "that" is objectionable. Use "to fill." (b) "and" can be replaced by some other conjunction to suit what precedes.
102. "It happened that at this time there were a few Radicals in the House who (8) could not forgive the Prime Minister for being a Christian."
Point out the difference of meaning, according as we read "who" or "that."
103. "It cannot be doubted (15 b) that the minds of a vast number of men would be left poor shrunken things, full of melancholy and indisposition, and unpleasing to themselves, if (32) there were taken out of men's minds vain opinions, false valuations, imaginations as one (a) would, and the (15 a) like."
(a) The meaning (which cannot easily be more tersely expressed than in the original) is "castles in the air," "pleasant fancies."
104. "God never wrought a miracle to refute atheism, because His ordinary works refute it. (a) A little philosophy inclines man's mind to atheism: depth in philosophy brings men's minds back to religion. (44) While the mind of man looks upon second causes scattered, it may sometimes rest in them; (44) when it beholds the chain of them confederate and linked together, it must needs acknowledge a Providence. (44) That school which is most accused of atheism most clearly demonstrates the truth of religion."
(a) Insert a suspensive conjunction. See (34).
105. "The spirit of Liberty and the spirit of Nationality were once for all dead; (a) (5) it might be for a time a pious duty, but it could not continue always expedient or (c) (15) (18) profitable to (b) (13) mourn (c) (15 a) for their loss. Yet this is the (b) (13) feeling of the age of Trajan."
(a) Omit. (b) "To sit weeping by their grave;" "attitude." (c) Notice that "expedient or profitable" are emphatic, as is shown by "yet" in the next sentence. Make it evident therefore, by their position, that these words are more emphatic than "to mourn &c."
106. "(a) If we ask (15 b) what was the nature of the force by which this change was effected, (a) we find it to have been (b) the force that had seemed almost dead for many generations—(38) of theology."
(a) Omit these words. (b) Begin a new sentence: "It was a force &c."
107. "I remember Longinus highly recommends a description of a storm by Homer, because (a) (5) (c) he has not amused himself with little fancies upon the occasion, as authors of an inferior genius, whom he mentions, (b) (15 a) have done, (30) but (c) because he has gathered together those (d) (1) events which are the most apt to terrify the imagination, and (35) really happen in the raging of a tempest."
(a) "The poet." (b) Omit "have done" and write "like some authors." (c) Suspend the sentence by writing "the poet … instead of … has." (d) What is the word for "that which happens around one, or in connection with some central object?"
108. "To have passed (a) (3) in a self-satisfied manner through twenty years of office, letting things take their own course; to have (b) sailed with consummate sagacity, never against the tide of popular (c) judgement; to have left on record as the sole title to distinction among English ministers a peculiar art of (d) sporting with the heavy, the awful responsibility of a nation's destiny with the jaunty grace of a juggler (11) (e) playing with his golden ball; to have joked and intrigued, and bribed and (f) deceived, with the result of having done nothing (g), (h) either for the poor, (h) or for religion (for (i) which indeed he did worse than nothing), (h) or for art and science, (h) or for the honour or concord or even the financial prosperity of the nation, (38) is surely a miserable basis on which the reputation of a great (15) statesman can be (k) (15 a) founded."
(a) "complacently." (b) "Sail" implies will and effort: use a word peculiar to a helpless ship, so as to contrast paradoxically with "sagacity." (c) Use a word implying less thought and deliberation. (d) With is too often repeated; write "bearing" so as to introduce the illustration abruptly. (e) "tossing." (f) Use a word implying a particular kind of "deceit," not "lying," but the next thing to "lying." (g) Insert the word with a preceding and intensifying adverb, "absolutely nothing." (h) Instead of "either," "or," repeat "nothing." (i) The parenthesis breaks the rhythm. Write "nothing, or worse than nothing." (k) "to found."
109. "A glance at the clock will make you (1) conscious that it is nearly three in the morning, and I therefore ask you, gentlemen, instead of wasting more time, to put this question to yourselves, 'Are we, or are we not, here, for the purpose of (1) eliminating the truth?'"
110. "The speech of the Right Honourable member, so far from unravelling (14) the obscurities of this knotty question, is eminently calculated to mislead his supporters (a) (8 a) who have not made a special study of it. It may be (b) (23) almost asserted of every statement (8) which he has made that the very (1) converse is the fact."
(a) The meaning appears to be, not "all his supporters," but "those of his supporters who:" the convenience of writing "his supporters that" is so great that I should be disposed to use "that." (b) "Every," not "asserted," requires the juxtaposition of "almost."
111. "The provisions of the treaty which (8) require the consent of the Parliament of Canada await its assembling."
Point out the meaning conveyed by which, and by that.
112. "Mrs. Smith demonstrated (26), in opposition to the general dictum of the press, that (a) there had been a reaction against woman's suffrage, that there had really been a gain of one vote in the House of Commons."
(a) Substitute "instead of," and erase the second "that."
113. "The practice of smoking hangs like a gigantic (14 a) cloud of evil over the country."
FOOTNOTES:
[18] That which treats of the thirteenth century.
CONTINUOUS EXERCISES.
CLEARNESS.
The following exercises consist of extracts from Burnet, Butler, and Clarendon, modernized and altered with a view to remove obscurity and ambiguity. The modernized version will necessarily be inferior to the original in unity of style, and in some other respects. The charm of the author's individuality, and the pleasant ring of the old-fashioned English, are lost. It is highly necessary that the student should recognize this, and should bear in mind that the sole object is to show how the meaning in each case might have been more clearly expressed.
Occasionally expressions have been altered, not as being in themselves obscure or objectionable, but as indicating a habit of which beginners should beware. For example, in the extract from Burnet, he is often altered, not because, in the particular context, the pronoun presents any obscurity, but because Burnet's habit of repeating he is faulty.
These exercises can be used in two ways. The pupil may either have his book open and be questioned on the reasons for each alteration, or, after studying the two versions, he may have the original version dictated to him, and then he may reproduce the parallel version, or something like it, on paper.
LORD CLARENDON.
The principal faults in this style are, long heterogeneous sentences (43), use of phrases for words (47 a), ambiguous use of pronouns (5), excessive separation of words grammatically connected together (19).
ORIGINAL VERSION. PARALLEL VERSION.
(44) It will not be impertinent And now, in order to explain, as nor unnatural to this (50) far as possible, how so prodigious present discourse, to set down an alteration could take place in in this place the present temper so short a time, and how the[19] and constitution of both Houses royal power could fall so low as of Parliament, and (34) of the to be unable to support itself, court itself, (30) that (5) it its dignity, or its faithful may be the less wondered at, that servants, it will be of use to set so prodigious an alteration should down here, where it comes most be made in so short a time, and naturally, some account of the[20] (37) the crown fallen so low, that present temper and composition, it could neither support itself not only of both Houses of nor its own majesty, nor those Parliament, but also of the court who would (47 a) appear itself. faithful to it.
* * * * * * * * * *
(Here follows a description of the House of Lords.)
In the House of Commons were many In the House of Commons persons of wisdom and gravity, who there were many men of wisdom (7) being possessed of great and and judgment whose high plentiful fortunes, though they position and great wealth disposed were undevoted enough to the them, in spite of their indifference court, (19) had all imaginable to the court, to feel duty for the king, and affection a most loyal respect for the to the government established(47 king, and a great affection for a) by law or ancient custom; the ancient constitutional (43) and without doubt, the major government of the country. Indeed, part of that (54) body it cannot be doubted that consisted of men who had no mind the majority had no intention to to break the peace of the kingdom, break the peace of the kingdom or to make any considerable or to make any considerable alteration in the government of alteration in Church or State. Church or State: (43) and Consequently, from the very therefore (18) all inventions outset, it was necessary to resort were set on foot from the (15) to every conceivable device beginning to work upon (5) for the purpose of perverting them, and (11) corrupt (5) this honest majority into rebellion. them, (43) (45) by suggestions "of the dangers (8) which With some, the appeal was threatened all that was precious addressed to their patriotism. to the subject (19) in their They were warned "of the liberty and their property, by dangers that threatened [all overthrowing (47 a) or that was precious in] the liberty overmastering the law, and (47 and property of the subject, a) subjecting it to an if the laws were to be made arbitrary (47_a_) power, and by subservient to despotism, and countenancing Popery to the if Popery was to be encouraged subversion of the Protestant to the subversion of the Protestant religion," and then, by religion." infusing terrible apprehensions into some, and so working upon The fears of others were appealed their fears, (6 b) "of (11 a) to. "There was danger," so[21] it being called in question for was said, "that they might be somewhat they had done," by which called to account for something (5) they would stand in need of they had done, and they would then (5) their protection; and (43) stand in need of the help of those (45) raising the hopes of others, who were now giving them this "that, by concurring (47 a) timely warning." In others, hopes with (5) them (5) they were excited, and offices, should be sure to obtain offices honours, and preferments were held and honours and any kind of out as the reward of adhesion. preferment." Though there were too Too many were led away by one or many corrupted and misled by these other of these temptations, and several temptations, and (19) indeed some needed no other others (40 a) who needed no temptation than their innate other temptations than from the fierceness and barbarity and the fierceness and barbarity of malice they had contracted against their (47 a) own natures, and the Church and the court. But the the malice they had contracted leaders of the conspiracy were not against the Church and against the many. The flock was large and court; (43) yet the number was not submissive, but the shepherds were great of those in whom the very few. government of the rest (47 a) was vested, nor were there many who had the absolute authority (13) to lead, though there were a multitude (13) that was disposed to follow.
(44) (30) Mr. Pym was looked upon Of these, Mr. Pym was thought as the man of greatest experience superior to all the rest in in parliaments, where he had parliamentary experience. To this (50) served very long, and was advantage he added habits of always (50) a man of business, business acquired from his (7) being an officer in the continuous service in the Exchequer, (43) and of a good Exchequer. He had also a good reputation generally, (30) though reputation generally; for, though known to be inclined to the known to be inclined to the Puritan party; yet not of those Puritan party, yet he was not so furious resolutions against the fanatically set against the Church Church as the other leading men as the other leaders. In this were, and (44) wholly devoted to respect he resembled the Earl of the Earl of Bedford, who had Bedford, to whom he was nothing of that spirit. thoroughly devoted.
(Here follow descriptions of Hampden and Saint John.)
It was generally believed that These three persons, with the these three persons, with the three peers mentioned before, were other three lords mentioned united in the closest confidence, before, were of the most intimate and formed the mainspring of the and entire trust with each other, party. Such at least was the and made the engine which (47 general belief. But it was clear a) moved all the rest; (30) that they also admitted to their yet it was visible, that (15) unreserved confidence two others, Nathaniel Fiennes, the second son (45) whom I will now of the Lord Say, and Sir Harry describe,—Nathaniel Fiennes, Vane, eldest son to the Secretary, second son of Lord Say, and Sir and Treasurer of the House, were Harry Vane, eldest son of the received by them with full Secretary, and Treasurer of the confidence and without reserve. House.
The former, being a man of good Nathaniel Fiennes, a man of good
parts of learning, and after some parts, was educated at New
years spent in New College in College, Oxford, where[22] his
Oxford, (43) of which his father family claimed and enjoyed some
had been formerly fellow, (43) privileges in virtue of their
that family pretending[23] and kindred to the founder, and
enjoying many privileges there, as where[22] his father had formerly
of kin to the founder, (43) (19) been a fellow. He afterwards spent
had spent his time abroad in some time in Geneva and in the
Geneva and amongst the cantons of cantons of Switzerland, where[22]
Switzerland, (30) where he he increased that natural
improved his disinclination to the antipathy to the Church which he
Church, with which milk he had had imbibed almost with his
been nursed. From his travels he mother's milk.[24] By a singular
returned through Scotland (52) coincidence, he came home through
(which[24] few travellers took in Scotland (not a very common route
their way home) at the time when for returning travellers) just
(5) that rebellion was in bud: when the Scotch rebellion was in
(30) (43) (44) and was very little bud. For some time he was scarcely
known, except amongst (5) that known beyond the narrow and
people, which conversed (47 a) exclusive circle of his sect,
wholly amongst themselves, until until at last he appeared in
he was now (15) found in Parliament. Then, indeed, it was
Parliament, (30) (43) (44) when quickly discovered that he was
it was quickly discovered that, likely to fulfil even the fond
as he was the darling of his hopes of his father and the high
father, so (5) he was like to promise of many years.
make good whatsoever he had
for many years promised.
(5) The other, Sir H. Vane, was Fiennes' coadjutor, Sir H. Vane, a man of great natural parts[25] was a man of great natural (45) and of very profound ability.[25] Quick in understanding dissimulation, of a quick and impenetrable in dissembling, conception, and of very ready, he could also speak with sharp, and weighty expression. He promptness, point, and weight. His had an (50) unusual aspect, which, singular appearance, though it though it might naturally proceed might naturally proceed from his from his father and mother, parents, who were not noted for neither of which were beautiful their beauty, yet impressed men persons, yet (19) made men think with the belief that he had in him there was somewhat in him of something extraordinary, an extraordinary: and (52) his whole impression that was confirmed by life made good that imagination. the whole of his life. His Within a very short time after he behaviour at Oxford, where he returned from his studies in studied at Magdalen College, was Magdalen College in Oxford, where, not characterized, in spite of the (43) though he was under the care supervision of a very worthy of a very worthy tutor, he lived tutor, by a severe morality. Soon not with great exactness, (43) he after leaving Oxford he spent some spent some little time in France, little time in France, and more in and more in Geneva, and, (43) Geneva. After returning to after his return into England, England, he conceived an intense (38) contracted a full prejudice hatred not only against the and bitterness against the Church, government of the Church, which both against the form of the was disliked by many, but also government and the Liturgy, (43) against the Liturgy, which was which was generally in great held in great and general reverence, (15 a) even with reverence. many of those who were not friends to (5) the other. In Incurring or seeming to incur, by his giddiness, which then much his giddiness, the displeasure of displeased, or seemed to his father, who at that time, displease, (30) (43) his father, beside strictly conforming to the who still appeared highly Church himself, was very bitter conformable, and exceedingly sharp against Nonconformists, the young against those who were not, Vane left his home for New (5) he transported himself into England. New England, (43) a colony within few years before planted by a This colony had been planted a few mixture of all religions,[26] which years before by men of all sorts of disposed the professors to dislike religions, and their the government of the Church; who differences[26] disposed them to (30) (43) (44) were qualified by dislike the government of the the king's charter to choose their Church. Now, it happened that their own government and governors, privilege (accorded by the king's under the obligation, "that every charter) of choosing their own man should take the oaths of government and governors was allegiance and supremacy;" (30) subject to this obligation, "that (43) (5) which all the first every man should take the oaths of planters did, when they received allegiance and supremacy." These their charter, before they oaths had been taken, not only by transported themselves from hence, all the original planters, on nor was there in many years after receiving their charter, before the least scruple amongst them of leaving England, but also for many complying with those obligations: years afterwards, without exciting so far men were, in the infancy the slightest scruple. Indeed, (15) of their schism, from scruples against lawful oaths were refusing to take lawful oaths. unknown[27] in the infancy of the (45) He was no sooner landed English schism. But with the there, but his parts made him arrival of Vane all this was quickly taken notice of, (26) and changed. No sooner had he landed very probably his quality, being than his ability, and perhaps to the eldest son of a some extent his position, as eldest Privy-councillor, might give him son of a Privy-councillor, some advantage; insomuch (51) recommended him to notice: and at that, when the next season came the next election he was chosen for the election of their Governor. magistrates, he was chosen their governor: (30) (45) (43) in which In his new post, his restless and place he had so ill fortune (26) unquiet imagination found (his working and unquiet fancy opportunity for creating and raising and infusing a thousand diffusing a thousand conscientious scruples of conscience, which (5) scruples that had not been brought they had not brought over with over, or ever even heard of, by the them, nor heard of before) (19) colonists. His government proved a that he unsatisfied with failure: and, mutually them and they with him, dissatisfied, (45) governed and he retransported himself governor parted. Vane returned into England; (30) (43) (44) to England, but not till he had having sowed such seed of accomplished his mischievous task, dissension there, as grew up too not till he had sown the seeds of prosperously, and miserably those miserable dissensions which divided the poor colony into afterwards grew only too several factions, and divisions prosperously, till they split the and persecutions of each (15 a) wretched colony into distinct, other, (30) (43) which still hostile, and mutually persecuting continue to the great (54) factions. His handiwork still prejudice of that plantation: remains, and it is owing to (15) insomuch as some of (5) them, him that some of the colonists, upon the ground of their first on the pretext of liberty of expedition, liberty of conscience, conscience, the original cause of have withdrawn themselves from (5) their emigration, have withdrawn their jurisdiction, and obtained themselves from the old colonial other charters from the king, by jurisdiction and have obtained which, (30) (43) in other forms of fresh charters from the king. government, they have enlarged These men have established new their plantations, within new forms of government, unduly limits adjacent to (5) (15 a) enlarged their boundaries, and set the other.their plantations, up rival settlements on the within new limits adjacent to (5) borders of the original colony. (15 a) the other.
FOOTNOTES:
[19] The original metaphor uses the crown as a prop, which seems a confusion. Though the metaphor is so common as scarcely to be regarded as a metaphor, it is better to avoid the appearance of confusion.
[20] We sometimes say, briefly but not perhaps idiomatically, "the then sovereign," "the then temper," &c.
[21] The personality of the tempters and organizers of the conspiracy is purposely kept in the background.
[22] The relative is retained in the first two cases, because it conveys the reason why Fiennes was educated at New College; and in the third case, because the increased "antipathy" is regarded as the natural consequence of the residence in Calvinistic Geneva.
[23] Claiming.
[24] An insinuation of sedition seems intended.
[25] This sentence is a preliminary summary of what follows.
[26] If "which" is used here according to Rule (8), the meaning is, (a) "and their differences;" if it is used for "that," the meaning will be, (b) "all religions that were of a nature to dispose &c." I believe (a) is the meaning; but I have found difference of opinion on the question.
[27] The following words appear to be emphatic, bringing out the difference between the infancy and the development of schism.
BURNET.
The principal faults in Burnet's style are (a) the use of heterogeneous sentences (see 43); (b) the want of suspense (see 30); (c) the ambiguous use of pronouns (see 5); (d) the omission of connecting adverbs and conjunctions, and an excessive use of and (see 44); and (e) an abruptness in passing from one topic to another (see 45). The correction of these faults necessarily lengthens the altered version.
ORIGINAL VERSION. PARALLEL VERSION.
And his maintaining the honour of He also gratified the English
the nation in all foreign feeling of self-respect by
countries gratified the (1) maintaining the honour of the
vanity which is very natural nation in all foreign countries.
(50) to Englishmen; (30) (43) of So jealous was he on this point
which he was so (15) (17 a) that, though he was not a crowned
careful that, though he was not head, he yet secured for his
a crowned head, yet his (40 a) ambassadors all the respect that
ambassadors had all the respects had been paid to the ambassadors
paid them which our (15) kings' of our kings. The king, he said,
ambassadors ever had: he said (6 received respect simply as the
b) the dignity of the crown nation's representative head,
was upon the account of the and, since the nation was the
nation, of which the king was same, the same respect should
(50) only the representative be paid to the[28] nation's
head; so, the nation being the ministers.
same, he would have the same
regards paid to (41) his
ministers.
Another[29] instance of (5) this The following instance of jealousy pleased him much. Blake with the for the national honour pleased fleet happened (50) to be at him much. When Blake was at Malaga Malaga before he made war upon with his fleet, before his war Spain: (44) and some of his with Spain, it happened that some seamen went ashore, and met the of his sailors going ashore and Host carried about; (44) and not meeting the procession of the only paid no respect to it, but Host, not only paid no respect to laughed at those who did; (43) it, but even laughed at those who (30) (51) so one of the priests did. Incited by one of the priests put the people upon resenting this to resent the indignity, the indignity; and they fell upon people fell on the scoffers and (5) them and beat them severely. beat them severely. On their When they returned to their ship return to the ship the seamen (5) they complained of (5) complained of this ill-usage, this usage; and upon that Blake whereupon Blake sent a messenger sent a trumpet to the viceroy to to the viceroy to demand the demand the priest who was the priest who was the instigator of chief (1) instrument in that the outrage. The viceroy answered ill-usage. The viceroy answered that he could not touch him, as he he had no authority over the had no authority over the priests. (15) priests, and so could not To this Blake replied, that he did dispose of him. Blake upon that not intend to inquire to whom the sent him word that he would not authority belonged, but, if the inquire who had the (1) power to priest were not sent within three send the priest to him, but if hours, he would burn the town. The he were not sent within three townspeople being in no condition hours, he would burn their town; to resist, the priest was at once (43) and (5) they, being in no sent. On his arrival, he defended condition to resist him, sent himself, alleging the insolence of the priest to him, (43) (44) who the sailors. But the English (50) justified himself upon the Admiral replied that a complaint petulant behaviour of the seamen. should have been forwarded to him, and then he would have punished (44) Blake answered that, if (5) them severely, for none of his he had sent a complaint to (5) sailors should be allowed to him of(5) it, (5) he would affront the established religion have punished them severely, since of any place where they touched. (5) he would not suffer his "But," he added, "I take it ill men to affront the established that you should set on your religion of any place at which (5) countrymen to do my work; for I he touched; but (5) (6) he will have all the world know that took it ill, that he set on the an Englishman is only to be Spaniards to do (5) it; for he punished, by an Englishman." Then, would have all the world to know satisfied with having had the (50) that an Englishman was only to be offender at his mercy, Blake punished by an Englishman; (43) entertained him civilly and sent (44) and so he treated the priest him back. civilly, and sent him back (30), being satisfied that he had him at his mercy.
Cromwell was much delighted with Cromwell was much delighted with (5) this, (43) and read the Blake's conduct. Reading the letters in council with great letters in council with great satisfaction; and said he (6) satisfaction, he said, "I hope I hoped he should make the name of shall make the name of an an Englishman as great as ever Englishman as much respected as that of a Roman (15 a) had ever was the name of Roman." been. (44) The States of Holland Among other countries the States were in such dread of (5) him that of Holland were in such dread of they took care to give him no sort Cromwell that they took care to of umbrage; (43) (44) and when give him no sort of umbrage. at any time the king or his Accordingly, whenever the king or brothers came to see their sister his brothers came to see the the Princess Royal, (23) within a Princess Royal their sister, they day or two after, (5) they used were always warned in a day or two to send a deputation to let them by a deputation that Cromwell had know that Cromwell had required of required of the States to give the States that (5) they should them no harbourage. give them no harbour.
* * * * * * * * * *
Cromwell's favourite alliance was The free kingdom of Sweden was Sweden.[30] (44) Carolus Gustavus Cromwell's favourite ally; not and he lived in great conjunction only under Charles Gustavus, with of counsels. (44) Even Algernon whom he was on most confidential Sydney, (10 a) who was not terms, but also under Christina. inclined to think or speak well of Both these sovereigns had just kings, commended him (5) to me; notions of public liberty; at and said he (5) had just least, Algernon Sydney, a man notions of public liberty; (44) certainly not prejudiced in favour (43) and added, that Queen of royalty, assured me this was Christina seemed to have them true of Gustavus. He also held the likewise. But (44) she was same opinion of Queen Christina; much changed from that, when but, if so, she was much changed I waited on her at Rome; for when I waited on her at Rome; for she complained of us as a factious she then complained of the factious nation, that did not readily and unruly spirit of our nation. comply with the commands (47 a) of our princes. (44) All Italy All Italy, no less than trembled at the name of Cromwell, Holland,[31] trembled at the name and seemed under a (1) panic as of Cromwell, and dreaded him till long as he lived; (43) his fleet he died. Nor durst the Turks scoured the Mediterranean; and the offend the great (50) Protector Turks durst not offend him; but whose fleet scoured the delivered up Hyde, who kept up the Mediterranean; and they even gave character of an ambassador from up Hyde, who, for keeping up in the king there (23) (43), and was Turkey the character of ambassador brought over and executed for (5) from the king, was brought to it. England and executed.
(44) (11 a) The putting the In another instance of severity
brother of the king of Portugal's towards foreigners—the execution
ambassador to death for murder, of the brother of the Portuguese
was (11 a) carrying justice ambassador for murder—Cromwell
very far; (43) since, though in carried justice very far. For,
the strictness of the law of though in strictness the law of
nations, it is only the nations exempts from foreign
ambassador's own person that is jurisdiction the ambassador alone,
exempted from (4) any authority yet in practice the exemption has
(47 a) but his master's that extended to the whole of the
sends him, yet the practice has ambassador's suite.
gone in favour of all that the
ambassador owned (47 a) to Successful abroad, Cromwell was no
belong to him. (41) (44) Cromwell less successful at home in
showed his good (11) selecting able and worthy men for
understanding in nothing more public duties, especially for the
than in seeking[32] out capable courts of law. In nothing did he
and worthy men for all employments, show more clearly his great
but most particularly for the natural insight, and nothing
courts of law, (43) (30 a) contributed more to his popularity.
(10 a) which gave a general
satisfaction.
FOOTNOTES:
[28] The meaning is "his, and therefore the nation's, ministers." There is a kind of antithesis between "the nation" and "the nation's ministers."
[29] No instance has yet been mentioned.
[30] The thought that is implied, and should be expressed, by the words, is this: "Cromwell's favourite ally was a free country."
[31] The remarks about Christina are a digression, and Burnet is now returning to the respect in which Cromwell was held by foreign nations.
[32] He not only sought, but sought successfully. That "find" is not necessarily implied by "seek out" seems proved by the use of the word in the Authorized Version, 2 Tim. ii. 17: "He sought me out very diligently, and found me."
BISHOP BUTLER.
The principal faults in this style are (a) a vague use of pronouns (5), and sometimes (b) the use of a phrase, where a word would be enough (47 a).
ORIGINAL VERSION. PARALLEL VERSION.
Some persons, (15) upon Some persons avowedly reject all pretence[33] of the sufficiency of revelation as[34]essentially the light of Nature, avowedly incredible and necessarily reject all revelation as, in its fictitious, on the ground that the (47 a) very notion, light of Nature is in itself incredible, and what (47 a) sufficient. And assuredly, had the must be fictitious. And indeed light of Nature been sufficient in (32) it is certain that no such a sense as to render revelation would have been given, revelation needless or useless, no (32) had the light of Nature been revelation would ever have been sufficient in such a sense as to given. But let any man consider render (5) one not[35] wanting, the spiritual darkness that once or useless. But no (15 b) man in (41) prevailed in the heathen seriousness and simplicity can world before revelation, and that possibly think it (5) so, who (41) still prevails in those considers the state of religion in regions that have not yet received the heathen world before the light of revealed truth; above revelation, and its (5) present all, let him mark not merely the state in those (11) places (8) natural inattention and ignorance which have borrowed no light of the masses, but also the from (5) it; particularly (19) the doubtful language held even by a doubtfulness of some of the (12) Socrates on even so vital a greatest men concerning things of subject as[36] the immortality of the utmost (11) importance, as the soul; and then can he in well as the (15 a) natural seriousness and sincerity maintain inattention and ignorance of that the light of Nature is mankind in general. It is (34) sufficient? impossible to say (12) who would have been able to have reasoned It is of course impossible to deny out that whole system which we that some second[36] Aristotle call natural religion, (30) in its might have reasoned out, in its genuine simplicity, clear of genuine simplicity and without superstition; but there is a touch of superstition, the certainly no ground to affirm whole of that system which we that the generality could. call natural religion. But there (44) If they could, there is is certainly no ground for no sort of probability that affirming that this complicated they would. (44) Admitting there process would have been possible were, they would highly want a for ordinary men. Even if they had standing admonition to remind them had the power, there is no of (5) it, and inculcate it upon probability that they would have them. And further still, were (5) had the inclination; and, even if they as much disposed (47 a) we admit the probable inclination, to attend to religion as the they would still need some better sort of men (15 a) are; standing admonition, whereby yet, even upon this supposition, natural religion might be there would be various occasions suggested and inculcated. Still for supernatural instruction and further, even if we suppose these assistance, and the greatest ordinary men to be as attentive to advantages (50) might be religion as men of a better sort, afforded (15 a) by (5) yet even then there would be them. So that, to say revelation various occasions when is a thing superfluous, what supernatural instruction and there (47 a) was no need of, assistance might be most and what can be of (47 a) no beneficially bestowed. service, is, I think, to talk wildly and at random. Nor would it Therefore, to call revelation be more extravagant to affirm that superfluous, needless, and (40 a) mankind is so entirely useless, is, in my opinion, to (40 a) at ease in the present talk wildly and at random. A man state, and (40 a) life so might as reasonably assert that we completely (40 a) happy, that are so entirely at ease and so (5) it is a contradiction to completely happy in this present suppose (40 a) our condition life that our condition cannot capable of being in any respect without contradiction be supposed (47 a) better.—(Analogy of capable of being in any way Religion, part ii. chap. 1.) improved.
FOOTNOTES:
[33] "To pretend" once meant "to put forward," "maintain."
[34] It has been suggested, however, that by "in its very notion incredible," is meant "inconceivable."
[35] "Wanting" is used for modern "wanted."
[36] This use of the particular for the general would be out of place in Butler's style, but it adds clearness.
BREVITY.
SIR ARCHIBALD ALISON.
The following extract exhibits examples of tautology and lengthiness. The "implied statement" (50) can often be used as a remedy, but, more often, the best remedy is omission.
ORIGINAL VERSION. PARALLEL VERSION.
The Russian empire is (50) a Russia, with her vast strength and
state of (54) such vast boundless resources, is obviously
strength and boundless destined to exercise on the course
resources, that it is of history a great and lasting
obviously destined to make a influence. The slowness of her
great and lasting impression on progress only renders her
human affairs. Its (50) progress durability more probable. The
has been slow, but (5) it[37] is Russian Empire has not, like the
only on that account the more empires of Alexander the Great and
likely to be durable. (5) It has Napoleon, been raised to sudden
not suddenly risen to greatness, greatness by the genius of
like the empire of Alexander in individuals or the accidents of
ancient (19) (31), or that of fortune, but has been slowly
Napoleon in modern, times, from enlarged and firmly consolidated
the force of individual genius, or by well-guided ambition and
the accidents of (54) casual persevering energy,[38] during a
fortune, but has slowly advanced, long succession of ages.
and (40 a) been firmly
consolidated (15) during a
succession of ages, from the
combined influence of ambition
skilfully directed and energy (15
a) perseveringly applied.
* * * * * * * * * *
The extent and fertility of the The extent and fertility of her Russian territory are such (54) territory furnish unparalleled as to furnish facilities of facilities for the increase of her increase and elements of strength population and power. European which no nation (47 a) in the Russia, that is, Russia to the world enjoys. European west of the Ural Mountains, Russia—that is, Russia to the contains one million two hundred westward of the Ural thousand square geographical Mountains—contains a hundred and miles, or ten times the surface of fifty thousand four hundred square Great Britain and Ireland. marine leagues, or about one million two hundred thousand square geographical miles, being ten times the surface of the British Islands, which contain, including Ireland, one hundred and twenty-two thousand. Great part, This vast territory is intersected no doubt, of this immense (54, by no mountain ranges, no arid see below) territory is covered deserts; and though much of it is with forests, or (40 a) lies rendered almost unproductive of so far to the north as to be food either by the denseness of almost unproductive of food; but forests, or by the severity of the no ranges of mountains or arid northern winter, yet almost all, deserts intersect the vast (54, except that part which touches see above) extent, and almost the Arctic snows, is capable of the whole, excepting that which yielding something for the use touches the Arctic snows, is of man. capable of yielding something for the use of man. The (3) (54) The steppes of the south present boundless steppes of the south an inexhaustible pasturage to present (54) inexhaustible those nomad tribes whose numerous fields of pasturage, and give and incomparable horsemen form the birth to those nomad tribes, in chief defence of the empire. whose numerous and incomparable horsemen the chief defence of the empire,[39] as of all Oriental states, (15 a) is to be found. The rich arable lands in the heart The rich arable lands in the of the (54) empire produce an interior produce grain enough to (2) incalculable quantity of support four times the present grain, capable not only of population of the empire, and yet maintaining four times (5) its leave a vast surplus to be present inhabitants, but affording transported by the Dnieper, the a vast surplus for exportation by Volga, and their tributaries, into the Dnieper, the Volga, and their the Euxine or other seas. tributary streams, (30) which form so many (54) natural outlets into the Euxine or other seas; (44) while the cold and Lastly, the cold bleak plains shivering plains which stretch stretching towards Archangel and towards Archangel and the shores towards the shores of the White of the White Sea are (48) covered Sea, and covered with immense with immense forests of fir and forests of oak and fir, furnish oak, furnishing at once (54)[40] materials for shipbuilding and inexhaustible materials for supplies of fuel that will for shipbuilding and supplies of fuel. many generations supersede the (54) These ample stores for many necessity of searching for coal. generations will supersede the necessity of searching in the (14 a) bowels of the earth for the purposes of (54) warmth or manufacture.