Jack the Giant Killer

     XXIV.

      Above the distich hung the trump:-
      The hero got it with a jump,
      And shouting gallantly, "Ya—hips!"
      Applied the mouth-piece to his lips.

      A blast he blew,-
      Asunder flew
      The portals with a brazen clang:
               Windows were smashed,
      And chains were clashed,
      While a thousand gongs in discord rang.

      A voice within, that seemed the note
      Of some prodigious magpie's throat,
      In ranc'rous tone cried, "Hallo, now!
      I say, what means this tarnel row?"
      And out came Catawampus, cross;
      Behind him slunk Slockdollagos;
      The Great Sea Serpent, trailing slim
      His coils tremendous, after him.

     XXV.

      Six of the tallest men that e'er
      Raised in old Kentucky were,
      Each standing on the other's head,
      Had scarce o'ertopped the monster dread;
      The brim of his hat, so considerate,
      Was half as big round as the King's Round Table;
      His massive club was a maple's trunk:-
      He might have made great Arthur "funk."

     Arthur the First, or Arthur the Second,
     As Arthur oe Wellington may be reckoned.
     Slockdollagos was rather less,
     But he was n't very short, I guess:—
     He was fashionably drest,
     In the style of a Wizard of the West.

     XXVI.

     "Clear off, now," was the Giant's cry;
     "The oldest man in all Kentucky
     My father whopp'd—my father, I:—
     Absquotilate, and cut your lucky!"
     Catawampus looked on every side,
     But not a single soul espied;
     To the right and left he grimly grinned,
     Till the trunks of the very trees were skinned.

     "Come out!" he bawled, "or I swear I 'll dash
     Your brains into an immortal smash!
     Don't raise my dander; if you do,
     You won't much like me,—I tell you."

     XXVII.

     Jack laughed this bootless brag to hear,
     And thus he sang in the Giant's ear:-
     "Yankee doodle doodle doo,
        Yankee doodle dandy;
     Prepare your knavish deeds to rue,
     For know, your fate is handy!"

     XXVIII.

     Slockdollagos turned green and blue,
     But Catawampus in fury flew,
     And brandished at random his maple stick,
     Smashing the nose of the wizard "slick
     Who fetched him in return a kick,
     Crying, "Hallo! I wish you'd mind;
     I rather speculate you 're blind."

     XXIX.

     Catawampus bellowed "Oh!
     I say, tarnation sieze your toe!"
     Rubbing the part as he limped and hopped:
     Jack his legs in sunder chopped.

     He fell with an astounding sound,
     And his castle tottered to the ground.
     In faith, the most "tremendous fall
     In tea," to this, was nothing at all.

     No wallop'd nigger, to compare
         Small things, for the nonce, with great,
     Ever so dismally the air
         Rent with shrieks, I estimate.

     The monstrous Yankee thus laid low,
         Jack settled his hash with another blow;
     So he gave up the ghost, and his dying groan
     Had a "touch of the earthquake" in its tone.

     XXX.

     Biting his nails, and shaking with fear,
     The wizard vile was standing near;

     When he saw Catawampus fall and die,
     He knew that the end of his course was nigh.
     "My flint," he cried, "is fixed, I snore!"
     He rent his hair and his garments tore,
     Blasphemed and cursed, and vowed and swore.

     Jack felt half frightened and greatly shocked,
     When, behold! the mountain rocked:

     Sudden night overspread the sky;
     Pale blue lightnings glimmered by;
     Roared the thunder, yawned the earth;
     And with yells of hideous mirth,
     Mid serpents and skeletons ghastly and dire,
     The spirits of evil came in fire;-
     Beelzebub and Zatanai,
     Asdramelech and Asmodai,
     Zamiel and Ashtaroth, with legions
     Of frightful shapes from Pluto's regions;
     And, the sorceror shrieking with frantic dismay,
     On the wings of a whilwind they bore him away.

     When once again the daylight broke,
     The castle had vanished away like smoke.

     XXXI.

     "My eye!" said Jack, a little serious;
     "Upon my word, that was mysterious!"

     But cheers and joyous gratulations
     Cut short the hero's meditations;

     The "deformed transformed" round him press,
     Knights and ladies numberless;

            Who each, as Jack, you know, had heard,
            The warlock had changed to beast and bird;
            And who straight had recovered their pristine condition
            When Old Nick flew away with the wicked magician.

     XXXII.

            Hurrah! Jack's labours now are done,
            He hath slain the Giants all, save one;
            I mean his great uncle; and he's bound o'er
            To keep the peace for evermore.

     XXXIII.

               To ancient Yenta's city fair
               Forthwith the champion makes resort;
     For Arthur kept his castle there
     (Still, in the Nisi Prius Court,

               The Table Round of his famous hall
               Gaily flaunts upon the wall).

               Through the King's gate he took his way
               (He had come by sea to Hampton town,
               Where he called, just "How d' ye do?" to say,
               On Bevis, knight of high renown).

     As he passed through the Close, all the friars, to see him,
     Came out in canonicals, singing "Te Deum;"
     As he rode up the High Street, the little boys followed,
     And they flung up their caps, cheered, and shouted, and halloed.
     The windows were crowded with ladies so bright,
     All smiling and waving their kerchiefs of white.

                  Jack with dignity bowed
                  Right and left to the crowd,

     Gracefully mingling the humble and proud.

     XXXIV.

     He now before King Arthur's throne,
     Knelt with obeisance grave;
     A thousand bright eyes on him shone,
     As they shine upon the brave.

     "Rise up," the noble Arthur said,
     "Sir Jack, a Baron bold;"
     And he placed upon the champion's head
         A coronet of gold.

     "This Princess fair shall be thy bride,
     Our cousin, by my fay;
     And let the nuptial knot be tied
         This morn without delay."

     XXXV.

     The holy wedding mass was sung,
     And the cathedral's bells were rung;
     A banquet was made in the royal hall,
     And after that there was a ball.

     There waltzed Sir Lancelot du Lac,
     And eke Sir Tristram bold;
     Likewise the stout Sir Caradoc,
     "That won the cup of gold."

     But none among King Arthur's court,
     For style, and grace, and air,
     And noble mien, and knightly port,
     Could with Sir Jack compare.

     XXXVI.

     Together with a beauteous mate
     The King gave Jack a great estate:
     In bliss the hero, with his wife,
     Lived the remainder of his life.

     "In story shall he live for aye
         Such is the say of Merlin, sage;
     And by Saint George! fair England's stay,
     His name, till time shall pass away,
         Shall never fade from glory's page.
     For all your march of intellect,
     Your pumps so prim, and blues so clever,
     The useful-knowledge-mongering sect,—
     Jack, famous Jack, shall live for ever!