In 1845, soon after completing his twenty-third year, he received a call from a stranger, who wished to establish a new weekly paper in Boston, and who had heard Walter Aimwell and his brother mentioned as persons suitable to assist in the enterprise. Walter Aimwell was at once favorably impressed by the plans proposed by Mr. W.; but it was not until after repeated discussions, that the copartnership contract was signed and the business fairly commenced. In the forenoon of December 9th, 1845, he got the ‘Reflector’ ready for the press, for the last time; and at noon, he left Mr. Damrell’s employ, after having worked for him nearly nine years. One who was an apprentice in the same office, and who is now an editor, bears testimony that he was a good printer, remarkable for his “clean proofs and handsome jobs, and a great favorite with all the office-hands.” From the beginning of conversation upon the subject until the complete establishment of the paper, and, indeed, until it was finally sold, the principal portion of the labor in the editorial department, and of the general oversight of all departments, seems to have fallen upon Walter Aimwell. The first numbers of the new candidate for public favor were published about the beginning of the year 1846.
To show how well he maintains the regular habits with which he commenced his private journal, I copy the summary for 1845:—
“During the past year I have attended one hundred and thirty-six religious meetings, one temperance meeting, and one wedding. I have spent fifty-six evenings in writing, fifty-three in reading, forty in the study and practice of music, fifty in the study of French, eighteen in working or attending to business, and ten in company. I have also spent twenty-two mornings in the study of phonography, and thirty-six in the study of French. I have visited Charlestown fifty-six times, and spent one week in travelling, having visited Hallowell, Augusta, Waterville, Portland, Portsmouth, Newburyport, and Salem. I have been blessed with good health throughout the year, and have succeeded in getting into business with a good prospect ahead.”
In his records for the year 1846 it is very common to meet with entries signifying that he worked in the office until nine or ten o’clock in the evening, and at home until eleven, twelve, and one o’clock.
In the Bible there are several intimations that the descendants of sincerely pious persons inherit a peculiar blessing. I have already alluded to the character of his deceased father. Here I copy a passage in reference to another relative, now no longer an inhabitant of earth:—
“At two o’clock this afternoon, grandmother died. She has been very low ever since last summer, and her mind has wandered most of the time, with the exception of one day last week, when reason returned, and she spoke of her sickness, prayed earnestly for her children, and expressed a desire to depart and be with her Saviour.”
After some changes in the proprietorship of the new paper, made during the first six months of its existence, the following is found in the record for July 1st: “To-day I became sole editor of the ‘Saturday Rambler.’ I have edited the paper ever since its commencement, with the exception of a part of the first three numbers; but Mr. W. now gives it entirely up to me; and, as we are soon to have a clerk, I shall have more leisure to devote to it. This is quite an era in my life; for, during several years past, I have been looking forward to just such a situation as the one I am now to fill.”
In November, a new organ, that had been built for him at East Medway, was set up in his mother’s residence in Charlestown; and, from that time until the day of his death, it afforded him the means of a favorite recreation. His personal expenses this year, including his organ, books, and religious and benevolent contributions, were less than seven hundred dollars; and of this sum religion and charity took upwards of eighty dollars. His personal receipts were about thirteen hundred dollars; and the prospect in his business was highly promising.
Although he continued, as long as he lived, to keep an accurate account of all personal pecuniary affairs, no more will be copied, because his principles and practice in regard to them have been sufficiently shown by these summaries taken from his days of youthful privation, and from these later ones of sufficiency and promise.
At the beginning of the year 1847, he dissolves partnership with three members of the firm, and himself and his brother H. take the whole of the “Rambler.”
Early this year, also, he met for the first time the young lady with whom he afterwards became united in marriage.
Of the year 1847, he remarks that “it has been one of continual prosperity in my affairs. My health has been perfect, my plans prospered, and my spirits good; and, though it has been a year of severe toil, it has been one of almost unbroken happiness.”
In the early part of the year 1848, he is invited to join another gentleman in the conduct of a magazine; but he declines the offer. After considering some time the expediency of himself undertaking the publication of a new monthly, he matures his plans, and makes definite calculations. Finally, he commences work upon it; and soon after we read the following in his journal:—
“June 2, Friday. Pleasant and mild. It has been a day of trial and anxiety to me. After waiting all the week to have one form worked, I was obliged this afternoon to take them away from ——, and send them into H.’s. The paper is dried up and works badly.... Thus far I have been balked in almost every effort I have made for the magazine. In addition to our trouble with the hand I engaged for foreman last week, Mr. —— put us to a good deal of trouble by a mistake in counting out the paper, by which a thousand short of the number were printed, and nearly all the outside had to be reset.”
Soon after this we occasionally find the record of a day passed in mental pain and anxiety on account of some pecuniary disappointment.
The day that he was twenty-six years of age, he mentions a new source of trouble:—
“The boy named ——, whom I took as an apprentice a few weeks ago, was in the office yesterday (Sunday), with another boy, and amused himself by breaking the windows in an unoccupied house back of the office by throwing type at them. I sent for the owner of the building, and brought the boy before him; and he concluded to let the young scamp off on his paying damages.”
“Oct. 31. I am still overwhelmed with trouble in my business. The first sheet of the November number of the ‘Library’ is not yet printed.... Heard this morning that my clerk is sick with a fever,—another great inconvenience.... H—— is almost worn down with anxiety on my behalf. Everything seems to go wrong, and each succeeding week becomes worse than the last.”
This year was not an easy one for business men generally, and Walter Aimwell was not alone in suffering pecuniary difficulties. But all his troubles did not arise from the general condition of monetary affairs. No doubt a part must be attributed to a degree of dishonor in the character of some with whom he had dealings which a man of his purity and principle would not be likely to suspect.
“Saturday, Nov. 25. Another week of care and anxiety is over, and I find myself anxiously counting the remaining ones before I can hope for a decided relief!”
Very slowly, very conditionally, and with the continual deferring of hope which so unnerves the will and wearies the heart, came relief. He was not a man given to complaining, but here he makes a simple statement of his general experience for the year 1848:—
“The past year has opened a new chapter in my experience. I have felt more the realities of life than in any former year; and for the first time I have begun to learn what is meant by care and anxiety. The year 1848 has been a most trying one for business men, and perhaps I have had but my share of difficulty; but the trouble I have had in managing my business, and the unprecedented labor I have had to perform, have proved a burden from which I would gladly escape. The result has been that I have sold one-half the ‘Rambler’ at considerably less than its estimated value, for the purpose of securing assistance and relieving me of a part of my labor.”
On the first of January, 1849, he enters the marriage relation with Miss M. A. C. Bodge, of whose amiable qualities it is not becoming for me in this place to speak.
In the latter part of the year 1848, he received some assistance both in pecuniary matters, and in the labor of conducting the business, but only so much as took off the actually unsupportable part of the burden; still remained as much to bear and to do as he seemed able to endure or to accomplish. Day after day, week after week, month after month, the short, significant, daily entries make the reader’s heart ache for the genuine suffering of an earnest and honest man, thrown, by the requirements of business intercourse, into relations so formal and artificial in their nature as to be of themselves somewhat distasteful to his eager, loving spirit, and also into the unmanageable perplexities that come when, for any reason, the complicated system of formal relations that is called the business world, is in any degree deranged. To all this, add contact with honest misfortune, blundering carelessness, selfishness in the degree of unblushing dishonor, and wilful malice, and we can conjecture a little of the much that this pitying, earnest, generous, honorable man was called to endure.
At one time, in calmer days, Walter Aimwell seriously contemplated entering the ministry. He was dissuaded from it by a gentleman older than himself, and already in the profession, on account of the severe and injurious toil to which almost all the clergy are subject.
Walter Aimwell was not afraid of labor, intense or prolonged. From the years when he became responsible for his own behavior he scarcely lost in idleness a minute of his life; but he was persuaded that such duties would materially shorten a life which, being prolonged, might finally accomplish more good in the world by labor in other departments. Conscientiously he submitted to disappointment in one of the dearest wishes of his heart, and God knew how to turn his wish and abilities into the channel where they were most needed; but surely it is not possible that many pastors have more to try the heart or task the brain or exhaust the body than fell to the lot of Walter Aimwell, the editor and publisher.
To show his almost daily experience, a few passages in his own words are now quoted; and let it be remembered that this suffering was all in secret. Until the storm was almost over, even his wife knew nothing of all that he was combating and enduring. A few hours of utter physical prostration, now and then, were all the outward tokens, and one would not be led by such a sign alone to surmise the presence of mental anguish. The boy at the office might happen to see him in his private room with his face wet with tears, but he heard no complaint.
One day when a note was due, at twelve o’clock he had but a few dollars toward it. He says, “I suffered extremely in mind; but, by the blessing of God, I succeeded in raising the whole amount in season. I am truly passing through the furnace, but have blessings to be thankful for in the midst of my trials. I trust my present experience, though bitter now, will not be without its fruit.”
“April 30. Alas for my hopes! I have been most cruelly disappointed in my calculations. We have made arrangements with four different men to get the money, every one of whom disappointed us; and, to cap the climax, Mr. B. was not able to raise a cent at ——. I never knew such a series of unlucky failures before, and I hardly know what way to turn next. A week ago I did not suppose there was a doubt that I should be able to raise —— dollars this week, and I promised more than I otherwise should. But all is for the best, and I must trust to Providence instead of my own calculations.”
“May 4. It has been a truly wretched day with me,—the anxiety, disappointment, and shame exceed everything hitherto. And yet I got through this horrible day after a fashion. Hope still bears me up; for I recognize in this trial the hand of a kind Father, and I can but believe that he will soon bring me forth from it a wiser and a better man. How touching is the thought that—
These trials, though for the present not joyous but grievous, have, I trust, been already a blessing to me; and I hope that my daily record of them, as it hereafter reminds me of my mental suffering, will also keep green in memory the lessons they have taught me.”
“May 11. Another day of torture. The anguish of mind I have endured yesterday and to-day surpasses description. Except remorse of conscience, it seems to me there can be no worse suffering than I am now experiencing. My hope and confidence are still strong, though H. told me to-day he believed I should be obliged to fail within a month.”
Speaking of an unfortunate action of some who were his friends, he says, “I am almost discouraged, for no surer way to break me down could have been adopted.”
Again, he says, “No one knows the bitterness of my life; but, after all, I feel that I have much to be thankful for, even in these trials.”
“It has been a day of almost perfect misery. Astonished as I was at such treatment from such a source, I succeeded in keeping calm; but God only knows what I have suffered to-day. I have almost lost all hope; my plans are frustrated at every step, and all my struggles and efforts seem to avail nothing.”
I have copied several of these extracts relating to his pecuniary difficulties, simply to show the delicacy and depth of his feelings. As far as his experience was merely pecuniary, I do not suppose it was at all exceptional. These difficulties occurred at a time when almost every man in active business was more or less disappointed in his calculations, and perplexed in the attempt to adjust his affairs in a manner satisfactory to himself and his business connections. But while numbers failed, and thus divided, or rather multiplied their perplexities among their creditors and dependents, Walter Aimwell, with the hopeful nerve of a hero, and the pious patience of a martyr, persevered in his exhausting labors, and endured his continual vexations. If it be true that angels, holier and wiser than we, look on earth with interest in the affairs of men, some must have loitered with solemn sympathy as they passed near the solitude in which Walter Aimwell silently grappled with the earth-life.
He conquered. He came out of the conflict with unsoiled brow, and eyes still calmly looking heavenward.
Of this eventful year he says, “I commenced it by ‘taking to myself a wife,’—a step I have not yet for one moment regretted. In my domestic relations I have been as happily situated as I could desire. I have also during this year exchanged a city for a country home, where I expect to permanently locate myself. In this, too, I consider myself peculiarly fortunate, having secured a home in all respects to my mind, and not expensive either. But the most prominent feature in the past year has been in my business affairs. I have experienced an amount of suffering which I can hardly look back upon without shuddering. I have, for months at a time, been sadly pressed for pecuniary means, and brought so near to bankruptcy that I had little hope of escape. I have been driven to the necessity of discontinuing the ‘Library’” (that was the name of the monthly magazine that he started a year or two before), “and raising the price of the ‘Rambler.’ But, in the midst of these trials, I have experienced the deliverance of a kind Providence; and, though often cast down, I have never been utterly forsaken. The last month of the year has been preëminently a bright one, and the prospect is as fair as I could desire. I am, indeed, relieved for the present from all pecuniary anxiety; and, though I do not expect a plethora of money for a year or two, I think I shall hereafter have less trouble in my business than I have heretofore experienced.”
During this period of mingled gloom and brightness, he was obliged to part with a youth whom for some time he had employed in the office, and of whom, in his journals, he speaks in the highest terms. Since then, by a pleasant coincidence, he became a neighbor to his former employer, in consequence of having been settled as a pastor in the same town. He became religious while engaged in the “Rambler” office, and the fact gave great satisfaction to Walter Aimwell. Let him now testify, with the eloquence of genuine gratitude, what he knew of Walter Aimwell:—
“I remember no man with whom I was ever connected in business relations with stronger feelings of gratitude and love. He was the kindest friend of my early years. He always took a great interest in my then present welfare, and my future happiness. As an evidence of this, I can cite the following: While in the office I was taken sick, and was confined at home for six weeks. During that time he frequently called upon me, and every week my mother received my wages. After I recovered, he ascertained the amount of the doctor’s bill and paid it himself. This, if I remember rightly, was at the time of his own pecuniary losses and embarrassments. It is not necessary for me to say that I loved him. I not only loved, but I pitied him. For at that time he was suffering greatly from the dishonest dealings of his agents. I have seen again and again the tears in his eyes, as he has said to me and others, ‘I cannot pay you this week.’ He felt a hundred times worse than we did at such times. I have known him, after he had thus stated his inability to pay his employees, close the door of his editor’s room, and there, alone, give way to his grief. He always had a word of counsel and advice for me. He seemed to understand and to feel the peculiarities of my condition. He furnished me with books, gave me the privilege of his library, and was always happy to answer any question that I asked him; so that I looked upon him more as a friend, a brother, or father, than an employer. Through his advice and assistance I was thus enabled to make that progress in study of which I had been deprived by my removal from school at an early age; so that I can safely say that to his encouragement and advice, given when I had just left school, I owe much of my success, and much of the literary tastes I have since had. His advice when I left him to go into another business, which was occasioned by a change on his part as well, I have never forgotten. Of all the men I have ever known, my recollections of him are the best.”