Jessie

The “Home Wreath” continued to make its appearance promptly every Saturday afternoon, and had of late acquired new popularity, by an attractive feature it had adopted. It was now illustrated, almost every week, by original drawings, usually executed by Miss Lee or Jessie. These sketchings were small, and not very elaborate, but they served to give a new interest to the sheet. They were entitled “Family Portraits,” and at first were confined to likenesses of creatures kept on the farm or in the house. Rover, the faithful spaniel, was sketched to the life, and so was Goldy, the cat. The two horses, Charley and Kittie, Cora, the calf, and a hen with a brood of chickens, were also honored with places in the gallery. No one thought of extending this collection of portraits beyond the domain of the brute portion of the family, until, one Saturday afternoon, the whole house was startled by an editorial announcement in the “Wreath,” to the effect that “the portrait of one of its contributors would be given next week.” The editor positively refused to let any one into the secret, and no one else appeared to know anything about the matter. Curiosity was excited almost to a painful degree, among the young folks, and all put on and wore for a week their most amiable looks, each one anxious to appear as pretty as possible on paper, if he or she were the favored individual. After a week of suspense, Saturday came, and with it came the “Wreath.” Kate got first possession of the sheet, and as she opened it, and the annexed “portrait” disclosed itself, labelled “Our Sociable Contributor,” there was a peal of laughter from the other members of the family who were peeping over her shoulders, that woke the echoes under the old roof. Marcus was of course the hero of the picture. He was an attentive reader of the news of the day, and had a habit of getting so absorbed in the paper as sometimes to become oblivious to remarks addressed to him, so that the boys used to say the newspaper made him deaf. The likeness was unanimously voted a capital one, inasmuch as there was no mistaking who it was intended for.

A week or two after this, the portrait of another contributor was promised, and a lively sensation was again awakened. Expectation was on tip-toe until the next number of the “Wreath” appeared, when a pair of boy’s legs on stilts, labelled “Our High-minded Contributor,” sent another merry shout through the house. A mania for stilts just then prevailed among the boys, and Ronald, for several days, had scarcely deigned to walk upon the earth, but “intent on high designs,” went awkwardly hobbling round on two long poles, to the amazement of the cows and chickens, and somewhat to the risk of his limbs and trousers. Of course, nobody could mistake this portrait; but Ronald seemed much disappointed because the artist (whether Aunt Fanny or Jessie, he could not find out,) did not finish it up, to his full length. And, really, it was provoking to come so near being immortalized, and yet miss it.

But Ronald’s mind was not altogether taken up with stilts, April-fool hoaxes, or maple sugar speculations. He had been for several weeks, and was at this very time, at odd moments, engaged on a literary enterprise of considerable magnitude, for a boy but half way into his thirteenth year. He let Jessie, alone, into the secret, and received from her some useful suggestions and assistance; and a paragraph from her pen in the “Wreath,” was the first announcement of the matter to the rest of the family. The paragraph was as follows:

“A New Pleasure.—We learn that a young member of our family will in a few days issue, in manuscript, a new and very amusing game of transformations, upon which he has been engaged for some time. We predict that it will prove quite popular with the young folks. Besides the amusement it will afford, it has a peculiar feature which will transform it at pleasure into a puzzling and useful exercise for the intellect. Our readers will probably know more about it, before the next number of the ‘Wreath’ appears.

Immediately on this announcement, there was great inquiry about the “new pleasure,” and Ronald was compelled to produce his game, the moment it had received the finishing touches. As this game will perhaps amuse my young readers, I shall copy it here, though it is rather long. At the end of Peter’s “story,” will be found a list of phrases, which, before playing the game, should be copied off, each upon a separate slip of card or paper.^[10] One person should be selected to read the story aloud, and the cards should be distributed among the rest of the company. Whenever the reader comes to a blank in the narrative, he should look to some one of the company, who must immediately read aloud the uppermost card in his pile; and so the game proceeds to the end. Of course the story will read differently every time the game is tried, for the transformations it is capable of are infinite. No, not exactly infinite, which means without limits; but it would take many lines of figures to express the precise number, as any reader who has studied arithmetic as far as permutation can easily satisfy himself. This game is called the “Game of Transformations.”

There is another game which Ronald called the “Game of Literary Patchwork,” that may be played with the same cards. One person reads the story, as in the other game, and the company, instead of taking the cards hap-hazard, select at each pause one that they suppose will fit the sentence. If the match proves in any case incongruous or absurd, the reader may be empowered to exact a forfeit from the offender.

It should also be noticed that this is not merely a game to amuse an idle hour. It is also a “Literary Puzzle,” designed to exercise and sharpen the wits; for it is so arranged that it can be put together so as to make sense, from beginning to end. There is a particular place for each phrase, but it will call into exercise some ingenuity, judgment and carefulness, to give to each “Jack” its own appropriate “Gill.” It will, however, be a profitable exercise, and, I think, will repay the young reader for the attempt, even if he should not be perfectly successful.

Now for the game:

PETER CODDLE’S TRIP TO NEW YORK.

Mr. Peter Coddle, of Hogginsville, on reaching the mature age of eighteen, was profoundly impressed with the idea that he needed a larger field in which to develop his powers, and make his fortune. So, one fine morning, having dressed himself in his new Sunday suit, and tied up his old clothes in a cotton handkerchief, he bade adieu to the old folks, and with high hopes in his heart, and about twenty-five dollars tucked away in his pocket, he set out for the city of New York.

A few days after, to the great surprise of all Hogginsville, Peter suddenly re-appeared, in a very dirty and shabby suit, and with an anxious and wo-begone countenance. He was evidently in a very excited state of mind, and gave a most extraordinary account of his adventures. Meeting-houses and saw-mills, thunder-claps and three-legged stools, salt fish and bull-frogs, were so strangely jumbled together in his mind, that he apparently could not distinguish one from the other. The ‘squire said he had undoubtedly been drugged with stupefying poisons, by some villain in that great and wicked city of New York. The doctor shook his head, and said he exhibited symptoms of a certain disease with a learned name, sufferers from which were accustomed to transpose their words and sentences in laughable ways; and he recommended “a good honest dose of calomel,” as the best thing for him. Others thought the unfortunate young man had gone crazy; but all finally agreed that it was possible he had been drinking something stronger than country well-water. Which of these theories was the true one, I shall not undertake to decide, but will hasten to tell you his story, just as he related it to the wondering Hogginsvillians:

PETER’S STORY.

Well, boys, you know I streaked it off a-foot bright and early Monday morning, for the Cranktown railroad depot. I had all my baggage tied up in ... It wasn’t very heavy, you know, for there wasn’t anything in it but ..., and ..., and ..., and.... But by-and-by I began to grow sort of tired, and just then there came along ... riding in something that looked like.... So I sung out, “Give us a ride, will ye?” says I; and says he, “Yes, jump in,” says he, as civil as.... So in I jumps, and then we travelled, I tell you. Why, we went like.... Says I, “She’s running away, aint she?” says I. Says he, “No, she’s as steady as ... if you know how steady that is,” says he.

Well, just then ... started up suddenly from ... near the road, and frightened the mare like all possessed. She took the bits in her mouth, and ran like ... down a tremendous long hill. We met ..., and ..., and ... driving ...; but we got by them all without rubbing a hair. But just then, ... come jumping out of ..., and sprung right at the mare’s head. Well, you see that made her shy one side, and plump we went right against ..., that knocked us all into.... And such a sight as there was, you never did see. The man had in his cart ..., and ..., and ..., and ..., besides.... The cart was smashed into flinters and everything was scattered round in ...; and the horse with the shafts was streaking it off like ..., towards Cranktown depot.

Well, after I found out I wasn’t killed, I jumps up, and says I, “Why, you, this is a bad fix, isn’t it, now? I declare, I never saw ... before, did you?” says I. Says he, “Oh dear,” says he, “I’ve sprained ..., and broke ..., and tore a hole in ... big enough to drive ... through,” says he. Says I, “That’s easily mended,” says I; “come, let’s pick up the pieces, and make the best of....” But the old fellow wouldn’t stir a peg, but lay as still as ..., and all he said was, that it wasn’t of any use to cry for ..., or anything else that couldn’t be helped. So after awhile I told him I must be on my taps, or I should miss the cars, and I’d rather give ... than do that.

So I picks up my bundle, and takes ... for a walking stick, and streaks it off for Cranktown depot as fast as ... could carry me. I got there half an hour before the cars did, and as I was as hungry as ..., thinks I I’ll treat myself; so I went into ..., and bought ..., and ..., and washed ’em down with.... Pretty soon the cars came scooting along, and I got aboard and settled myself down on ...; and the way we rattled off towards New York wasn’t particularly slow, I tell you.

We flew like ..., and I got a squint at lots of wonderful things, but couldn’t stop to examine them. There was ... with ... perched right on one corner of it; and a great stone house, that had a roof that looked something like ... upside down; and another monstrous big house, with hundreds of windows, that had ... standing all alone out-doors. And I saw ... cutting grass with ...; and ... sawing wood with ...; and a big redheaded woman licking ... right out in the yard; and some youngsters driving ... that was tackled into ...; and a dog with ... tied to his tail; and lots of other curious sights, too numerous to mention.

By-and-by I happened to look up, and there was a dandified little fellow in the car, about as big round as ..., and with ... on his lip, who had a quizzing glass up to his eye, and was staring right at me, just as though I was.... Thinks I to myself, what’s sauce for ..., is sauce for.... So I out with an old rusty key that I found one day in the stomach of ..., and putting the round part up to my eye, I began to quiz the little dandy through it. He looked as cross as ..., but I didn’t care, so I puckered up my face as solemn as ..., and stared as hard as I could.

Well, pretty soon the folks around begun to get wind of the fun, and looked as smiling as.... One fat man, who sat opposite, holding in one hand ..., and in the other ..., snickered right out, and quieted himself by taking ...; and a young woman who had ... in her arms, which she was trying to get to sleep, laughed so that she had to stuff ... into her mouth. The little dandy now looked as savage as ..., and pretty soon he got up and strutted off like ... into another car; and then I put my quizzing glass away, laid back in my seat, and took a good snooze, with ... for a pillow.

I don’t remember how long I slept, but I expect I had a pretty considerable nap, for I didn’t wake up for ever so long, and I shouldn’t then, only ... came along, with ... on his back, which he poked in my face. I jumped up, and was going to give him ..., but he said it was ..., and he didn’t mean to, and he asked my pardon as polite as.... So I told him there was no harm done, and we’d let it pass for....

Well, we kept on travelling like ..., and towards night we got to New York. I knew we were there, because the houses got to be as thick as ..., and the folks were thicker still. Pretty soon the cars stopped, and all hands rushed out helter skelter, like ... after the enemy; and such a scrabbling, and yelling, and grabbing and punching as there was, I guess you never did see. One great two-fisted fellow, with ... on his back, ran into me like ..., and almost knocked me into.... An old woman who wore ..., and who had for baggage ... and ..., besides ... in her hand, threatened to call the police, because I offered to help carry her traps. A little dirty-faced boy, with ... in the leg of his trousers, had ... that he wanted to sell, but I told him I couldn’t trade. Then he wanted to know how I’d swap, and said he’d trade for ..., or ..., or.... I thought he was poking fun at me, and so I walked off; but as I turned to go, I thought I heard him say something about....

Just then some music struck up in a corner of the depot, that sounded for all the world like ... giving a concert, and I went to see what it was. There was a man whose face was all covered with hair, singing, and playing on.... There was a boy, too, who was playing on something that sounded like.... They gave us ..., and then they struck up ..., and then the boy passed round his cap for a contribution. One man put in ...; another dropped in ...; and a rogue of a boy threw in something that looked like....

Well, about that time I looked up, and caught the eye of a well-dressed gentleman with ..., who was standing close by. His head was as smooth and slick as ..., and he looked as nice as though he were just out of.... He was in mourning, for he had ... on his hat, and appeared dreadful solemn. Says he, “My friend,” says he, taking me aside, “I suppose you wish to find ... of the right sort. I suppose you’ve heard,” says he, “about the rascally tricks that are played off here upon strangers; but you’ve no idea how many sharpers always stand ready to fleece.... Why,” says he, “there are three or four of the rascals watching you, in that crowd, like so many cats lying in wait for ..., and that’s the reason I took you aside. If you want a good cosy home,” says he, “where you will be out of the reach of these sharks, and where you can have anything you call for, from ... to ... or ..., just come along with me to my boarding-house. You see,” says he, “I aint exactly ..., but I go about trying to do what little good I can in my own humble way,” says he; and then he spouted off some poetry, but I can’t remember but one verse. It was something like this:

Says I, as soon as I could get a word in edgewise, “You’re just the man I want to see,” says I; “but I hope they don’t charge too much down to your boarding-house, for you see I haven’t got but just ... in my pocket, and I sha’n’t have anything more till I earn it,” says I. Says he, “Oh don’t say anything more about that,” says he; “such sordid thoughts are enough to curdle.... Come along, and you’ll be provided for till you can do better,” says he.

So we walked along together, and he talked like a book about.... He spoke about ... crushing his heart, and said the world had lost all its charms to him, and ... had extinguished the light of his life. He didn’t say exactly what the matter was, but I thought he’d lost some of his relations, or.... I asked him where he preached, for I concluded he must be a minister; but he said he enjoyed such poor health, that he had to give up his parish. He said he was troubled with ..., and his stomach was so weak that he often had to dine on ... and.... He said he was also afflicted with ... in his head, and had great trouble from ... that had settled on his lungs.

Well, we chatted together just like ..., until we came to his boarding-house. It was a pretty stylish place, I tell you, and I began to think a fellow ought to have ..., to afford to live there. He took me into a nice little room, all cool and shady. There was a picture of ... on the wall, and an image of ... sitting on the mantel-piece, just as natural as life. I sat down on ..., and the man went to the closet, and I heard him pouring something from a bottle. Pretty soon he brought out on ... two glasses of something that looked real good. Says he, “A man ought to wet his mouth,” says he, “after riding all day on ..., especially when the weather’s as hot as ’tis to-day. But as a friend to you,” says he, “I can’t advise you to drink much of our water, at first—you know it might not agree with you—it sometimes acts as ... in the stomach of.... It’s splendid water,” says he; “we Yorkers wouldn’t take ... for it, and I prefer it to anything the art of man ever concocted; but then you’ve got to get used to it gradually, you know. Now,” says he, “just taste of this—it’s some of our temperance cordial, made out of the pure nectar of.... We’re all temperance folks here,” says he,—“never have anything in the house stronger than....”

So he took one glass, and drank it down, and I emptied the other pretty quick, I tell you, for I was as dry as.... Then he went down stairs, to order supper, and I took up a book that was full of splendid pictures, and began to look at them. There was a view of ... fighting with ..., and a picture of ... holding ..., and a likeness of ..., and a portrait of ..., and a picture of ..., and another of ... perched on the top of ..., whistling Hail Columbia to all the world.

But pretty soon I begun to feel sort of queer. First I felt ... creeping over my head, like.... Then it seemed as though there were ... squirming about in my brain. Then I began to feel queer down in my stomach. I thought I’d swallowed ..., and ..., which rattled so every time I stirred, that I couldn’t go to sleep. My legs, too, didn’t seem right—I thought I’d been changed into.... I did get to sleep, though, after awhile, and then such a dream as I had! I dreamt that the table was spread for supper, and covered with everything you could think of. There was ..., smoking hot ...; and ..., big enough for a whole board of aldermen; and ..., with all the fixin’s; and ..., that made my mouth water; and ..., raw; and ..., of the tallest kind; and ..., such as we used to have at grand-ma’am’s; and ..., fried brown and crispy. But I can’t remember now half the good things there were on the table.

Well, as true as I’m a live man, I didn’t wake up again till the clock struck ... the next morning. I was sort of confused, you know, for I couldn’t find my hat and coat, nor my bundle of clean clothes, and instead of my new boots, I had on the remnants of ..., all split out at the sides. Pretty soon a fellow, who was dressed something like ..., stuck his head in the door. “Hullo, friend,” says I, “can you tell me where the minister is?” “The what?” says he, looking as puzzled as though ... had got half way into his head, and then stuck fast. Says I, “The minister—that city missionary that boards here, and has got ...; I come along from the cars with him last night,” says I. That made the fellow laugh right out, and his eyes shined like ... in a dark night. But pretty soon he cooled off a little, and put ... into his mouth; and then he sat down on ..., and said he was ..., and asked me to tell him all about my adventures in New York. So I told him the whole story, but I tell you I trembled all over, and my muscles felt as flabby as ..., for you know I began to think I’d got into ..., of some sort or other; and ... began to come over me, I tell you.

Well, the man sat just as cool as ..., and heard it all, and then says he, looking me right in the eye, says he, “Coddle, you’re green—dreadful green. You’ve fallen among thieves, like ..., and got thoroughly cleaned out,” says he. I began to shake like.... Says he, “Your ‘city missionary’ was one of those very sharpers that he cautioned you against—the smooth-tongued villain! He decoyed you into his den, and got you as drunk as ...,” says he; but that wasn’t true, I’d have you to know, for I didn’t drink a drop of anything but the temperance cordial. “Well,” says the man, “after you was drunk enough, he robbed you of your money and clothes, and then chucked you into ..., for the police to take care of; and here you are in the police station, arrested for drunkenness,” says he.

When I heard that, I declare it was just as if ... had hit me right over the head. “O, dear me,” says I, “what shall I do?” and I burst right out into ..., for you know the poison stuff made me as weak as ...; and besides, I had ... in my head, that almost drove me crazy. Well, the policeman said in the first place I must have something to eat; so he went out and got me ... and.... Then, as my coat and hat were gone, he hunted up for me ... and ..., to take their place. My trousers were badly torn, too, and he got me ... to mend ’em. So, after I’d got fixed up a little, I went out with him to see if I could find the house where I stopped. But I had ..., and was weak in the joints, and couldn’t walk very well. So, after trotting round half an hour, with ... beating on our heads, he said I’d better go to the depot, and take the first train for home. I told him I hadn’t got anything in my pocket but ... and ..., to pay the fare. He said he’d fix that. So he went with me to the depot, and got a free ticket, which he gave me, with ...; and the way I left that city wasn’t slow, I tell you. And as soon as ever I came in sight of father’s piggery and cow-sheds, and saw ... bobbing round among the cows, and Asa coming down the road with ... for the pigs, and heard Touser barking ... up a tree, and thought of the hour when ma’am gave me ..., I declare I burst right out into “Home, sweet home,” my heart was so full.

And now I tell you, boys, I’m going to settle down on ..., and raise ..., and try and cultivate ..., and establish for myself ..., and see if I can’t be ..., as well as other folks. But if anybody here wants to know what ... is, or is anxious to see ... with his own eyes, and to pay well for the sight, too, out of his own pocket, I’d just advise him to go to New York as soon as possible. And I guess my advice is worth something, if you do get it for nothing; for you see I’ve lost all my money and new clothes, and got nothing in exchange but.... [read all the cards that remain.]