ANGLERS HEAR STRANGE THINGS.
Piscator. "ARE THERE ANY BARBEL ABOUT HERE, GOV'NOR?"
Host. "ANY BARBEL ABOUT HERE!! I SHOULD RAYTHER THINK THERE WAS A FEW; HERE'S THE PICTUR O' WUN MY LITTLE BOY KETCHED JUST HOPPOSIT."
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HORSEKEEPING.
THE ALDERMAN'S ADVICE TO HIS SON.
Mr. Gobble. "YOU SEE, SAM, YOU ARE A WERRY YOUNG MAN: AND WHEN I AM TOOK AWAY (WHICH, IN THE COMMON COURSE OF EWENTS, CAN'T BE WERRY LONG FUST), YOU WILL HAVE A GREAT DEAL OF PROPERTY. NOW, I'VE ONLY ONE PIECE OF ADWICE TO GIVE YOU. IT'S THIS—AND BY ALL MEANS ACT UPON IT:—LAY DOWN PLENTY OF PORT IN YOUR YOUTH THAT YOU MAY HAVE A GOOD BOTTLE OF WINE IN YOUR OLD AGE."
MAY DIFFERENCE OF OPINION NEVER ALTER FRIENDSHIP.
Dumpy Young Lady. "WELL, FOR MY PART, MATILDA, I LIKE LONG WAISTS AND FLOUNCES."
THE PROGRESS OF SLANG.
"WHY, WHAT A PRETTY NEW FROCK ALFRED HAS!"
Prodigy (who picks up everything so readily). "AH, AIN'T IT A STUNNER?"
AWFUL OCCURRENCE AT AN EVENING PARTY.
"MY GOODNESS, EMILY! THEY'RE BEGINNING THE QUADRILLE, AND HERE'S ALL MY 'BACK HAIR' COMING DOWN!! WHATEVER SHALL I DO?"
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HORSEKEEPING.
No. III.
MR. BRIGGS HAVING PARTED WITH HIS LAD FOR MISCONDUCT, SOME YOUNG MEN WITHOUT ENCUMBRANCE APPLY TO "LOOK AFTER" HIS HORSE.
NEVER SATISFIED.
Old Gent. "GOOD GRACIOUS ME! WHAT WITH ORANGE-PEEL AND SLIDES, THERE'S NO PEACE IN THIS LIFE."
A VERY OLD SOLDIER.
"SPARE A COPPER FOR A POOR OLD SOLDIER, MY NOBLE CAPTAIN! SURE IT'S YER HONOURS FACE I RECOLLECT IN THE PENINSULAR?"
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HORSEKEEPING.
No. IV.
MR. BRIGGS, PERSUADED THAT "A GOOD HORSE CAN'T BE A BAD COLOUR," HAS PURCHASED A SPOTTED AND HIGHLY TRAINED STEED FROM A CIRCUS; BUT THE WORST OF HIM IS, THAT AMONGST OTHER THINGS, HE HAS BEEN TRAINED TO SIT DOWN ON HIS HAUNCHES WHEN HE HEARS A BAND PLAY, AND YOU MAY IMAGINE HOW DISCONCERTED POOR OLD BRIGGS WAS THE FIRST TIME HE DID SO.
A PLEASANT STATE OF THINGS.
Piscator (at the top of his voice). "HI—TOM! BRING THE LANDING-NET; HE'S PULLED ME IN, AND GOT ROUND A POST."
HORACE MAYHEW. PERCIVAL LEIGH. RICHD. DOYLE. GILBERT A. A'BECKETT. JOHN LEECH. RICHD. COBDEN. SIR R. PEEL. MARK LEMON. TOM TAYLOR. W. M. THACKERAY. DOUGLAS JERROLD.
PRINCE DE JOINVILLE. SIR JAMES GRAHAM. LORD GEORGE BENTINCK. DAN. O'CONNELL. GEORGE HUDSON. SHAW LEFEVRE. (Speaker.) JENNY LIND. GEN. TOM THUMB. LORD JOHN RUSSELL. PRINCE ALBERT. GEN. TOM DISRAELI. THE QUEEN MR. PUNCH. LOUIS PHILIPPE. COL. SIBTHORP. LORD NORMANBY. LORD BROUGHAM. MEHEMET ALI. EMPEROR OF RUSSIA. DUKE OF WELLINGTON.
MR. PUNCH'S FANCY BALL.
RAILWAY LITERATURE.
Book Stall Keeper. "BOOK, MA'AM? YES, MA'AM, HERE'S A POPULAR WORK BY AN EMINENT SURGEON, JUST PUBLISHED, 'BROKEN LEGS, AND HOW TO MEND THEM;' OR, WOULD YOU LIKE THE LAST NUMBER OF 'THE RAILWAY OPERATOR?'"
A LEFT-HANDED COMPLIMENT.
Bootmaker (with great feeling). "OH, NO, SIR! DON'T HAVE NAPOLEONS; HAVE TOPS, SIR!—YOURS IS A BEAUTIFUL LEG FOR A TOP BOOT, SIR!—(young Nimrod is immensely pleased)—BEAUTIFUL LEG, SIR! SAME SIZE ALL THE WAY DOWN, SIR!"—(young Nimrod is immensely disgusted.)
LITERAL.
Young Lady. "PRAY, CABMAN, ARE YOU ENGAGED?"
Cabman. "LOR BLESS YER, MISS, WHY, I'VE BEEN MARRIED THIS SEVEN YEARS."
HALL ALONG OF THEM BETTING OFFICES.
Betting Flunkey. "LOST? I BELIEVE YER! AND LOST A HATFULL OF MONEY ON THE HOAKS, TOO; AND HOW I'M TO SETTLE WITHOUT PARTING WITH MY JEWELLERY, I'M SURE I DON'T KNOW! AH, MR. BOTTLES, ITS HARD LINES TO WAIT AT TABLE WITH SUCH CARES AND HANXIETIES."
A BRUTAL FELLOW.
Policeman. "NOW, MUM! WHAT'S THE MATTER?"
Injured Female. "IF YOU PLEASE, MISTER—I WANT TO GIVE MY WRETCH OF A 'USBAND IN CHARGE. HE'S ALLVAYS A KNOCKING OF ME DOWN AND A STAMPIN' ON ME!"
OF COURSE.
"IF YOU PLEASE, SIR, MASTER'S SENT BACK THE FIRST VOLUME, AND HE SAYS, WILL YOU BE SO GOOD AS TO LET HIM 'AVE THE SECOND?"
ENTER MR. BOTTLES, THE BUTLER.
Master Fred. "THERE! THAT'S CAPITAL! STAND STILL, BOTTLES, AND I'LL SHOW YOU HOW THE CHINESE DO THE KNIFE TRICK AT THE PLAY."
THE NEW ACT.
Hansom Cabby. "H'M! SIXPENCE, YOU HAD BETTER KEEP IT. YOU MAY WANT IT FOR YOUR WASHING OR SOMETHINK!"
DISCERNMENT.
Clever Child. "OH! DO LOOK HERE, MAMMA DEAR, SUCH A FUNNY THING! MR. BOKER'S GOT ANOTHER FOREHEAD AT THE BACK OF HIS HEAD."
INNOCENT AND AMUSING LITTLE TRICK FOR LITTLE BOYS.
AN OLD LADY IS CROSSING THE STREET, WHEN A LITTLE BOY SHOUTS OUT—"HI!" AT THE TOP OF HIS VOICE. THE OLD LADY (ALTHOUGH INDEED THERE IS NO REAL CAUSE FOR ALARM) STARTS, AND BECOMES GREATLY AGITATED, AND IMAGINES THAT SHE IS RUN OVER BY AN OMNIBUS. THIS IS AN EXCEEDINGLY PLEASANT TRICK.
SOLICITUDE.
Child (screams and without any stops). "HANNER MARIA YER TIRESOME HAGGERWATIN' LITTLE USSY COME OUT OF THE ROAD DO WITH YER LITTLE BROTHER DID YER WANT TO BE RUNNED OVER BY OMNIBUSTES AND KILLED DEAD OH DEAR OH DEAR WHO'D BE A NUSS?"
ANOTHER.
THIS IS EQUALLY DIVERTING. A LITTLE BOY RUSHES BY AN OLD GENTLEMAN AND "YOWLS" LIKE A DOG. THE OLD GENTLEMAN IS TERRIFIED BEYOND MEASURE. IF AT THE SAME TIME THE LITTLE BOY SHOULD ALSO PINCH THE LEG OF THE OLD GENTLEMAN, THE FORCE OF THE JOKE IS MUCH HEIGHTENED; BUT THEN INDEED HE MUST HAVE COURAGE, AND BE VERY ADROIT, OR HE MAY CHANCE TO GET A GREAT BANG FROM AN UMBRELLA OR STICK.
THE BEARD MOVEMENT.—GAMMONING A GENT.
Little Gent. "'OW MUCH?"
Cabby. "WELL, I'D RATHER LEAVE IT TO YOU, SIR! AND WHAT WE POOR HANSOMS IS TO DO WHEN ALL YOU OFFICERS IS GONE ABROAD, GOODNESS KNOWS."
AWFUL SCENE ON THE CHAIN PIER, BRIGHTON.
Nursemaid. "LAWK! THERE GOES CHARLEY, AND HE'S TOOK HIS MAR'S PARASOL. WHAT WILL MISSUS SAY?"
A LUMPING PENN'ORTH.
"NOW, MY MAN, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY, IF I GAVE YOU A PENNY?"
"VY, THAT YOU VOS A JOLLY OLD BRICK!"
RATHER SUSPICIOUS!
Sentimental Young Lady. "WILL YOU BE SO OBLIGING, MR. TONGS, AS TO CUT OFF A LONG PIECE OF HAIR WHERE IT WILL NOT BE MISSED?"
ALARMING.
THE OLD LADY IS SUPPOSED (AFTER A GREAT EFFORT) TO HAVE MADE UP HER MIND TO TRAVEL, JUST FOR ONCE, BY ONE "OF THOSE NEW-FANGLED RAILWAYS," AND THE FIRST THING SHE BEHOLDS ON ARRIVING AT THE STATION, IS THE ABOVE MOST ALARMING PLACARD.
A SKETCH AT RAMSGATE.
Ellen (who loves a joke at AUNT FIDGET'S expense). "GOOD GRACIOUS, AUNT, THERE ARE TWO OFFICERS!"
Aunt Fidget (a short-sighted lady). "BLESS ME, SO THERE ARE! WELL; THEY MAY BE OFFICERS, BUT THEY ARE NOT GENTLEMEN, I'M SURE, OR THEY WOULDN'T STAND LOOKING AT US IN THAT IMPUDENT MANNER."
A PICTURE.
SHOWING WHAT MASTER TOM DID AF-TER SEE-ING A PAN-TO-MIME—BUT YOU WOULD NOT DO SO—OH DEAR NO!—BECAUSE YOU ARE A GOOD BOY.
EASILY SATISFIED.
Fond Parent. "I DON'T CARE, MR. MEDIUM, ABOUT ITS BEING HIGHLY FINISHED; BUT I SHOULD LIKE THE DEAR CHILD'S EXPRESSION PRESERVED."
A GREAT LOSS.
Rapid Undergraduate. "WELL, JACKSON! YOU SEE THEY'VE PLUCKED ME AGAIN."
Porter of St. Boniface. "YE-ES, SIR, I WAS VERY SORRY WHEN I 'EARD OF IT, SIR."
Undergraduate. "AH! I DID INTEND GOING INTO THE CHURCH, AND BEING AN ORNAMENT TO THE PROFESSION—BUT AS THEY WON'T LET ME THROUGH—I THINK—I SHALL CUT THE WHOLE CONCERN."
RATHER A BAD LOOK-OUT.
Young Sister. "I SHOULD SO LIKE TO GO TO A PARTY, MA."
Mamma. "MY DEAR, DON'T BE RIDICULOUS. AS I HAVE TOLD YOU BEFORE (I AM SURE A HUNDRED AND FIFTY TIMES), THAT UNTIL FLORA IS MARRIED, IT IS UTTERLY IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO GO OUT; SO DO NOT ALLUDE TO THE SUBJECT AGAIN, I BEG."
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HORSEKEEPING.
No. V.
MR. BRIGGS, DETERMINED TO HAVE NO MORE INFERIOR HORSES, GIVES A GOOD ROUND SUM FOR "A CLEVER COB—UP TO GREAT WEIGHT—AND THAT A CHILD MIGHT RIDE." HE HAS SOME FRIENDS (WHO REALLY KNOW WHAT A HORSE IS) TO DINE WITH HIM, WHOSE OPINIONS HE WISHES TO HAVE.
First Friend. "AH—VERY NICE—VERY NICE—BUT NOT MY SORT—BEEN KNOCKED ABOUT A GOOD DEAL, I SHOULD SAY—DRIVEN IN A BUTCHER'S CART, PERHAPS, AND SOLD BECAUSE HE WASN'T FAST ENOUGH."——Second Ditto. "HE HASN'T BEEN DOWN, BRIGGS, HAS HE? IS THAT A SCRATCH, OR IS IT ONLY THE LIGHT?"——Third Ditto. "DOES HE SHY AT ALL? HIS EYES DON'T LOOK QUITE THE THING."——Fourth Ditto. "I TELL YOU WHAT, BRIGGS, YOU MUST HAVE HIM LOOKED AFTER A LITTLE BETTER, OR HE'LL VERY SOON HAVE A CRACKED HEEL."——Fifth Ditto. "THAT HOCK SEEMS RATHER QUEER," &c., &c., &c.
CONFOUND THE SHOPS!
Mrs. ——. "OH! DO LOOK HERE, DEAR! HOW EXTREMELY PRETTY THE AUTUMN FASHIONS ARE, TO BE SURE. WHAT A PERFECTLY LOVELY LITTLE CLOAK!"
Mr. —— (rapidly changing the subject). "YES. YES! BEAUTIFUL! BEAUTIFUL! BUT SEE, LOVE, WHAT A MAGNIFICENT BROWN HORSE, AND HOW SPLENDIDLY THAT FELLOW SITS HIM!"
VERY LOW PEOPLE.
Purveyor of Poultry. "WHAT SORT O' PEOPLE ARE THEY AT NUMBER TWELVE, JACK?"
Purveyor of Meat. "OH! A RUBBISHIN' LOT. LEG O' MUTTON A' MONDAYS, AND 'ASH AN' COLD MEAT THE REST O' THE WEEK."
POOR TOMMY.
"WHY, WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH TOMMY?"
"BOO! HOO! I'VE CUT MY FINGER WITH AUNT'S SCISSORS."
"THAT'S A GOOD BOY! ALWAYS SPEAK THE TRUTH!"
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HORSEKEEPING.
No. VI.
MR. BRIGGS (at an alarming sacrifice) GETS RID OF HORSE NO. I., AND GOES OUT FOR A RIDE IN THE COUNTRY UPON NO. II.
Carman. "FELL DOWN, HAS HE, SIR? AH, HE LOOKS AS IF HE COULD BE WERRY CLEVER AT THAT.—WERRY ORKERD THING, SIR, FOR A OSS TO FALL DOWN, SIR. OSSES OOSTES A GOOD BIT O' MONEY—LEASTWAYS, GENTLEMEN'S OSSES DOES.—NOW, JIST LOOK AT MY LITTLE OSS, SIR, AND HE'S A POOR MAN'S OSS, HE IS. HE DON'T GO FALLIN' ABOUT." (Exit.)
AWFUL INSTANCE OF PERCEPTION OF CHARACTER IN AN INFANT PRODIGY.
Prodigy. "MAMMA, LOOK DERE! DERE PAPA!"
EASILY PLEASED.
Disciple of Old Isaac. "THIS WOULDN'T BE A BAD PLACE, IF THE FISH WOULD ONLY BITE, AND IF IT WASN'T FOR THIS CONFOUNDED WASPS' NEST."
DELICACY OF THE SEASON.
Testy Old Uncle (unable to control his passion). "REALLY, SIR, THIS IS QUITE INTOLERABLE! YOU MUST INTEND TO INSULT ME. FOR THE LAST FOURTEEN DAYS, WHEREVER I HAVE DINED, I HAVE HAD NOTHING BUT SADDLE OF MUTTON AND BOILED TURKEY—BOILED TURKEY AND SADDLE OF MUTTON. I'LL ENDURE IT NO LONGER."
THE BANDS OF HOPE; OR, THE CHILDISH TEETOTAL MOVEMENT.
Grandpapa. "BUT FOR SEVENTY YEARS, MY CHILD, I HAVE FOUND THAT THE MODERATE USE OF THE GOOD THINGS OF THIS LIFE HAS DONE ME GOOD."
Young Hopeful Teetotaller. "ALL A MISTAKE, GRANDPA', TOTAL ABSTINENCE IS THE THING. LOOK AT ME! I'VE NOT TASTED WINE OR BEER FOR YEARS!"
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES Of HORSEKEEPING.
No. VIII.
MR. BRIGGS'S PRESENT HORSE DOESN'T QUITE SUIT HIM, FOR, SOMEHOW, WHENEVER HE JUMPS, MR. B. IS SURE TO FALL OFF. HE TAKES HIM TO AN EMINENT DEALER, AND REMARKS CONFIDENTLY THAT HE IS FOR SALE, UPON WHICH THE DEALER SAYS: "HOW MUCH A POUND IF HE BUYS THE WHOLE OF HIM?"
A LITTLE BIT OF HUMBUG.
Shoemaker. "I THINK, MUM, WE HAD BETTER MAKE A PAIR. YOU SEE, MUM, YOURS IS SUCH A REMARKABLY LONG AND NARRER FOOT!"
NOT TO BE PLAYED WITH.
Groom. "THAT'S ANOTHER FAVOURITE OSS OF MASTER'S, SIR, AND A GOOD UN HE IS TOO, SIR, ONLY HE AIN'T VERY QUIET."
Mr. Green. "OH, HOW DO YOU MEAN—'NOT VERY QUIET?'"
Groom. "WHY, SIR, HE'D GET YOU UP IN A CORNER, AND KICK YER BRAINS OUT IN NO TIME. HE'S A'MOST KILLED TWO MEN ALREADY."
BARRACK LIFE.
First Heavy Swell (lately absent). "WELL, 'GUS, MY BOY—HOW DID YOU KEEP IT UP HERE ON CHRISTMAS DAY?"
Second Do. "OH! IT WAS TERRIBLY SLOW—FOR ALL THE WORLD LIKE A SUNDAY WITHOUT 'BELL'S LIFE!'"
NORTH-EAST WIND, THERMOMETER SEVERAL INCHES BELOW FREEZING.
Brighton Boatman. "DID YOU WANT A PLEASURE BOAT THIS MORNING, SIR? NICE DAY FOR A ROW!!"
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HORSEKEEPING.
No. IX.
THE FROST GOES, AND MR. BRIGGS'S HORSE IS DISAGREEABLY FRESH AFTER HIS LONG REST. HE SETS UP HIS BACK AND SQUEAKS AND PLUNGES AT EVERYTHING HE MEETS.
THE MORNING AFTER THE DERBY.
First Gent. "WELL, NED, HOW DID WE GET HOME LAST NIGHT?"
Second Gent. "OH, I DON'T KNOW! DIDN'T I GO HOME WITH YOU?"
A MAN ABOUT TOWN.
"WHERE SHALL I SAY YOU'RE GONE TO, JIM, IF ANYONE CALLS?"
"OH, THE OLD SHOP—KENSINGTON GARDENS, TO HEAR THE BAND PLAY!"
TASTE.
"THAT'S A STUNNING PIN, FRANK!"
"YA-AS.—I'VE GOT A SET OF WAISTCOAT BUTTONS TO MATCH—LOOK JOLLY AT NIGHT—I ASSURE YAH!"
MR. VERDANT'S FIRST ATTEMPT AT BOOK-MAKING.
Verdant's Friend. "WELL—AS NEAR AS I CAN MAKE IT OUT—YOU MUST LOSE £150, AND MAY LOSE £300."
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HUNTING.
No. I.
PREMONITORY SYMPTOMS OF MR. BRIGGS'S HUNTING FEVER.
Maid. "IF YOU PLEASE, MA'AM, THERE'S A YOUTH IN THE PASSAGE AS WANTS TO KNOW IF THESE TOP BOOTS IS ALL RIGHT."
PLAIN SPEAKING.
Amiable Young Lady No. 1. "PRETTY! OH, DEAR NO—DO YOU?"
Amiable Young Lady No. 2. "LAW! NOT AT ALL. BESIDES, HOW ABOMINABLY AFFECTED SHE IS!"
HOW TO DRESS A LOBSTER.
Rude Boy. "OH, LOOK 'ERE, JIM!—IF 'ERE AIN'T A LOBSTER BIN AND OUTGROWED HIS CLOAK!"
ADVICE GRATIS.
Ellen. "OH, DON'T TEASE ME TO-DAY, CHARLEY; I'M NOT AT ALL WELL!"
Charley (a Man of the World). "I TELL YOU WHAT IT IS, COUSIN—THE FACT IS, YOU ARE IN LOVE! NOW, YOU TAKE THE ADVICE OF A FELLOW WHO HAS SEEN A GOOD DEAL OF THAT SORT OF THING, AND DON'T GIVE WAY TO IT."
VERY PROPER DIET FOR HOT WEATHER.
Mrs. Turtledove. "DEAREST ALFRED! WILL YOU DECIDE NOW WHAT WE SHALL HAVE FOR DINNER?"
Mr. Turtledove. "LET ME SEE, POPPET. WE HAD A WAFER YESTERDAY—SUPPOSE WE HAVE A ROAST BUTTERFLY TO-DAY?"
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HUNTING.
No. II.
PREPARATIONS FOR HUNTING.
MR BRIGGS'S HUNTING CAP COMES HOME, BUT THAT IS REALLY A THING MRS. BRIGGS CAN NOT AND WILL NOT PUT UP WITH.
A FINE DISPOSITION.
Affectionate Husband. "COME, POLLY, IF I AM A LITTLE IRRITABLE, IT'S OVER IN A MINUTE!!"
THE PROBABLE EFFECT OF CHEAP FURNITURE HUMBUG.
"OH! IF YOU PLEASE, MISTER, ME AND THIS YOUNG AW-AW-INDIVIDUAL IS ABOUT TO MARRY; AND WE WANT TO LOOK OVER YOUR CHEAP FURNITURE MART."
A JOLLY DOG.
"LOOK HERE, JAMES!—OLD MISSUS IS GONE OUT OF TOWN, AND I'VE GOT HER BEAST OF A DOG WOT'S FED UPON CHICKINGS TO TAKE CARE OF.—WON'T I TEACH HIM TO SWIM, NEETHER!"
AN IMPUDENT MINX.
Lady of the House. "HOITY TOITY, INDEED! GO AND PUT UP THOSE CURLS DIRECTLY, IF YOU PLEASE. HOW DARE YOU IMITATE ME IN THAT MANNER? IMPERTINENCE!"
THE CHATELAINE; A REALLY USEFUL PRESENT.
Laura. "OH. LOOK, MA' DEAR; SEE WHAT A LOVE OF A CHATELAINE EDWARD HAS GIVEN ME."
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HUNTING.
No. III.
MR. BRIGGS, ON HIS WAY TO THE "METROPOLITAN STEEPLE CHASE," TRIES WHETHER HIS HORSE IS A GOOD ONE ACROSS COUNTRY. HE IS REPRESENTED RIDING AT A BROOK(!).
A SKETCH FROM NATURE, TAKEN NEAR THE FREEMASONS' TAVERN.
Old Gentleman. "GOOD GRACIOUS! IT'S STRIKING, AND THEY'LL HAVE BEGUN DINNER."
THE RISING GENERATION.
Juvenile Oxford Man (who does not think Vin Ordinaire of himself). "A—WERE YOU AT EITHER UNIVERSITY?"
Awful Swell. "YA-AS—WHEN I WAS A—BOY!" [OXFORD MAN departs in a Hansom.
DISTWESSING—VEWY.
X. 42. "DID YOU CALL THE POLICE, SIR?"
Swell (who would perish rather than disturb his shirt-collar). "YA-AS, A—I'VE HAD THE MISFORTUNE TO DWOP MY UMBRELLAW, AND THERE ISN'T A BOY WITHIN A MILE TO PICK IT UP—A—WILL YOU HAVE THE GOODNESS?"
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HUNTING.
NO DOUBT.
"NOW I DARE SAY, BILL, THAT AIR BEAST OF A DOG IS A GOOD DEAL MORE PETTED THAN YOU OR I SHOULD BE."
THE CONSCIENTIOUS STABLE-KEEPER.
Gent (who meditates a ride). "HALLO! WHY, CONFOUND IT, THAT'S MY SADDLE HORSE, ISN'T IT?"
Fly-Man. "YES, SIR! IT'S ALL RIGHT; MASTER SAYS YOU'RE WERRY PARTICULAR ABOUT 'AVIN OF 'IM EXERCISED REGULAR—SO WE PUTS 'IM INTO THE BROOM WHEN YOU AIN'T OUT A RIDIN'!"
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HUNTING.
DIFFERENT OPINIONS.
Housebreaker. "WOT A SHAME FOR PEOPLE TO GO LEAVING COAL-SCUTTLES ABOUT FOR PEOPLE TO GO STUMBLING OVER!"
SCENE—WESTMINSTER BRIDGE.—TIME, TWO ON A FOGGY MORNING.
Reduced Tradesman (to a little party returning home). "DID YOU WANT TO BUY A GOOD RAZOR?"
THE NEW HUNTER.
"WELL, CHARLEY! HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR NEW PONY?"
"OH! PRETTY WELL, THANK YOU, UNCLE; ONLY I'M AFRAID HE'S HARDLY UP TO MY WEIGHT, AND HE RUSHES SO AT HIS FENCES."
AFTER THE PANTOMIME.
Mary. "OH! HOW I SHOULD LIKE TO BE A BEAUTIFUL COLUMBINE, AND RIDE ABOUT IN A GOLD CAR DRAWN BY WHITE DOVES!"
Augustus. "AND HOW I SHOULD LIKE TO BE A HARLEQUIN, AND CHANGE WHOLE STREETS INTO REALMS OF DAZZLING DELIGHT!"
Tom (a rude Boy). "AND HOW I SHOULD LIKE TO BE THE OLD CLOWN, AND MAKE BUTTER SLIDES ON THE PAVEMENT TO UPSET OLD LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!"
TOO CIVIL BY HALF!
English Cook. "OH, DEAR! HERE, JAMES, COME, AND TAKE THIS ROAST BEEF AND PLUM-PUDDING OUT OF THE WINDOW. IT HURTS THE FEELINGS OF THE FOREIGN GENTS AS THEY WALK BY!"
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HUNTING.
No. VI.
ON HIS RETURN FROM THE RACES, HE ASSURES HIS MAN THAT HE'S A MOST "EKSHELLENT SERVANT"—THAT THE MARE NEVER CARRIED HIM BETTER. HE ALSO TELLS HIM TO MAKE THE MARE QUITE "COMF-ABLE," AND TO BE "VERY CAREF-L OF HISH CANDLE," BECAUSE THERE'S SO MUCH STRAW ABOUT!
THAMES FISHING.
Fisherman (to Old Gentleman). "THEY'RE A' BITIN' AWAY OVER 'ERE, SIR! JUST STEP ACROSS THAT THERE BIT O' WOOD, SIR, AND YOU'LL HAVE A CAPITAL PITCH, SIR!"
Old Gentleman. "ACROSS THAT BIT OF WOOD! DOES THE MAN THINK I'M A ROPE-DANCER?"
GOING TO COVER.
Voice in the distance. "NOW, THEN, SMITH—COME ALONG!"
Smith. "OH, IT'S ALL VERY WELL TO SAY, COME ALONG! WHEN HE WON'T MOVE A STEP; AND I'M AFRAID HE'S GOING TO LIE DOWN."
A SON AND HEIR.
Son and Heir. "HOW MANY OF US ARE THERE? WHY, IF YOU COUNT THE GIRLS, THERE ARE SIX—BUT SOME PEOPLE DON'T COUNT THE GIRLS.—I'M ONE!"
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HUNTING.
No. VII.
MR. BRIGGS, NOT BEING GOOD AT HIS "FENCES," GOES THROUGH THE PERFORMANCE OF OPENING A GATE.
LOVE ON THE OCEAN.
"'OH! IS THERE NOT SOMETHING, DEAR AUGUSTUS, TRULY SUBLIME IN THIS WARRING OF THE ELEMENTS?' BUT AUGUSTUS'S HEART WAS TOO FULL TO SPEAK."—MS. Novel by Lady * * *.
THE RISING GENERATION.
Juvenile. "UNCLE!"
Uncle. "NOW THEN, WHAT IS IT? THIS IS THE FOURTH TIME YOU'VE WOKE ME UP, SIR!"
Juvenile. "OH! JUST PUT A FEW COALS ON THE FIRE, AND PASS THE WINE, THAT'S A GOOD OLD CHAP."
RELIGION À LA MODE.
Housemaid. "I TELL YOU WHAT IT IS, PARKER, I SHALL BE VERY GLAD WHEN MISSUS HAS GOT TIRED OF THIS PUSEY-USM. IT MAY BE THE FASHION; BUT WHAT WITH HER COMIN' HOME LATE FROM PARTIES, AND GETTING UP FOR EARLY SERVICE, AND THEN GOIN' TO BED AGAIN, WE POOR SARVINTS HAS DOUBLE WORK A'MOST."
STRANGE, BUT TRUE.
Lady. "BY THE WAY, MR. TONGS, I HAVE USED THAT BOTTLE OF BALM OF CALIFORNIA, BUT I FIND MY HAIR STILL COMES OFF."
VERY ACUTE.
Mr. ——. "SO YOUR NAME IS CHARLEY, IS IT? NOW, CHARLEY DOESN'T KNOW WHO I AM?"
Sharp Little Boy. "OH, YES! BUT I DO, THOUGH."
Mr. ——. "WELL, WHO AM I?"
Sharp Little Boy. "WHY, YOU'RE THE GENTLEMAN THAT KISSED SISTER SOPHY IN THE LIBRARY, ON TWELFTH NIGHT, WHEN YOU THOUGHT NO ONE WAS THERE."
GLORIOUS NEWS.
"WELL, RUGGLES, IT'S ALL RIGHT!"
"WHAT'S ALL RIGHT?"
"WHY! WE ARE TO HAVE MARIO AGAIN."
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HUNTING.
No. VIII.
MR. BRIGGS HAS ANOTHER DAY WITH THE HOUNDS.
MR. BRIGGS CAN'T BEAR FLYING LEAPS, SO HE MAKES FOR A GAP—WHICH IS IMMEDIATELY FILLED BY A FRANTIC PROTECTIONIST, WHO IS VOWING THAT HE WILL PITCHFORK MR. B. IF HE COMES "GALLOPERRAVERING" OVER HIS FENCES—DANG'D IF HE DOAN'T.
HIGHLY INTERESTING.
"SEEN THAT PARTY LATELY?"
"WHAT? THE PARTY WITH THE WOODEN LEG, AS COME WITH—"
"NO, NO—NOT THAT PARTY. THE PARTY, YOU KNOW, AS—"
"OH! AH! I KNOW THE PARTY YOU MEAN NOW."
"WELL, A PARTY TOLD ME AS HE CAN'T AGREE WITH THAT OTHER PARTY, AND HE SAYS THAT IF ANOTHER PARTY CAN'T BE FOUND TO MAKE IT ALL SQUARE, HE SHALL LOOK FOR A PARTY AS WILL." (And so on for half an hour.)
SOUND ADVICE.
Master Tom. "HAVE A WEED, GRAN'PA?"
Gran'pa. "A WHAT! SIR?"
Master Tom. "A WEED!—A CIGAR, YOU KNOW."
Gran'pa. "CERTAINLY NOT, SIR. I NEVER SMOKED IN MY LIFE."
Master Tom. "AH! THEN I WOULDN'T ADVISE YOU TO BEGIN."