No. IX.
MR. BRIGGS HAS ANOTHER GLORIOUS DAY WITH THE HOUNDS, AND GETS THE BRUSH (FOR WHICH HE PAYS HALF-A-SOVEREIGN—ONLY DON'T TELL ANYBODY).
DOG-DAYS! PLEASANT FOR JOHN THOMAS.
Old Lady. "JOHN THOMAS!"
John Thomas. "YES, MY LADY!"
Old Lady. "CARRY ESMERALDA—SHE'S GETTING TIRED, POOR DARLING!"
ALARMING.
Hairdresser. "THEY SAY, SIR, THE CHOLERA'S IN THE HAIR, SIR!"
Gent. (very uneasy). "INDEED! AHEM! THEN I HOPE YOU ARE VERY PARTICULAR ABOUT THE BRUSHES YOU USE."
Hairdresser. "OH! I SEE YOU DON'T HUNDERSTAND ME, SIR. I DON'T MEAN THE 'AIR OF THE 'ED, BUT THE HAIR HOF THE HATMOSPHERE!"
TEMPUS EDAX RERUM.
"GOOD GRACIOUS! IS IT POSSIBLE?—NO! YES! NO!—YES! YES, BY JUPITER, IT'S A GREY HAIR IN MY FAVOURITE WHISKER!"
A ROMANCE OF ROAST DUCKS.
"MY DARLING, WILL YOU TAKE A LITTLE OF THE—A—THE STUFFING?"
"I WILL, DEAR, IF YOU DO; BUT IF YOU DON'T, I WON'T."
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HUNTING.
No. X.
IN ANSWER TO NUMEROUS INQUIRIES, WE ARE HAPPY TO SAY, THAT MR. BRIGGS IS QUITE WELL, AND AT BRIGHTON. HE IS TAKING THE OPPORTUNITY TO GIVE HIS FAMILY A FEW RIDING LESSONS. WE SHOULDN'T WONDER IF HE WENT OUT WITH THE HARRIERS IN A DAY OR TWO.
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HUNTING.
No. XI.
MR. BRIGGS GOES OUT WITH THE BRIGHTON HARRIERS.
HE HAS A CAPITAL DAY. THE ONLY DRAWBACK IS, THAT HE IS OBLIGED TO LEAD HIS HORSE UP HILL TO EASE HIM, AND DOWN HILL BECAUSE HE IS AFRAID OF GOING OVER HIS HEAD—SO THAT HE DOESN'T GET QUITE SO MUCH HORSE EXERCISE AS HE COULD WISH!
PRIVATE THEATRICALS.
DISMAY OF MR. JAMES JESSAMMY ON BEING TOLD THAT HE WILL SPOIL THE WHOLE THING IF HE DOESN'T SHAVE OFF HIS WHISKERS.
TOWN AND COUNTRY.
Country Footman meekly inquires of London Footman. "PRAY, SIR, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF OUR TOWN? A NICE PLACE, AIN'T IT?"
London Footman (condescendingly). "VELL, JOSEPH, I LIKES YOUR TOWN WELL ENOUGH. IT'S CLEAN; YOUR STREETS ARE HAIRY; AND YOU'VE LOTS OF REWINS. BUT I DON'T LIKE YOUR CHAMPAGNE; ITS ALL GEWSBERRY."
AN IMPENDING DISASTER.
Boy. "OH! IF YOU PLEASE'M—COOK'S VERY SORRY'M—BUT COULD SHE SPEAK TO YOU A MOMENT?"
MORE FREE THAN WELCOME.
Scene—The Kitchen.
Cook. "WHO WAS THAT AT THE DOOR, MARY?"
Mary. "OH! SUCH A NICE-SPOKEN GENTLEMAN WITH MOUSTARCHERS. HE'S A WRITIN' A LETTER IN THE DRAWING-ROOM. HE SAYS HE'S A OLD SCHOOL-FELLER OF MASTER'S, JUST COME FROM INGIA."
Scene—The Hall.
THE NICE-SPOKEN GENTLEMAN IS SEEN DEPARTING WITH WHAT GREAT-COATS AND OTHER TRIFLES HE MAY HAVE LAID HIS HANDS UPON.
WALTONIANS.
Scene.—Room in Country House.—Breakfast-Table.
Master Tom. "OH, ROBERT!"
Robert. "YES, SIR!"
Master Tom. "OH, I SAY, ROBERT! THE LADIES WANT ME TO TAKE 'EM OUT FISHING TO-DAY. SO JUST TELL YOUNG EVANS I SHALL WANT HIM TO GO WITH ME TO GET SOME WASP GRUBS; AND—LOOK HERE! TELL THE GARDENER HE MUST GET ME SOME LARGE LOBWORMS DIRECTLY, AND A FEW SMALL FROGS, AS PERHAPS WE SHALL TRY FOR A JACK. AND—HI! ROBERT, TELL HIM TO SEND 'EM IN HERE, THAT I MAY SEE WHETHER THEY'RE THE RIGHT SORT!"
A MAN OF FEELING.
Gentleman. "OH, CERTAINLY! YOU CAN GO, OF COURSE; BUT, AS YOU HAVE BEEN WITH ME FOR NINE YEARS, I SHOULD LIKE TO KNOW THE REASON."
Thomas. "WHY, SIR, ITS MY FEELINS. YOU USED ALWAYS TO READ PRAYERS, SIR, YOURSELF—AND SINCE MISS WILKINS HAS BEEN HERE, SHE'S BIN A-READING OF 'EM. NOW, I CAN'T BEMEAN MYSELF BY SAYIN' 'AMEN' TO A GUV'NESS."
THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS.
Serious Flunkey. "I SHOULD REQUIRE, MADAM, FORTY POUNDS A YEAR, TWO SUITS OF CLOTHES, TWO 'ATS, MEAT AND HALE THREE TIMES A DAY, AND PIETY HINDISPENSABLE."
A FRAGMENT.
"AND WILL YOU ALWAYS—ALWAYS, DEAREST ALBERIC, LOVE ME THUS?" SAID CONSTANCE.
"EVER, WHILE THIS HEART BEATS WITH LIFE!" PASSIONATELY EXCLAIMED ALBERIC.
"THEN COULD YOU LEND ME FIVE POUNDS?" MURMURED THE LADY; "FOR REALLY THINGS ARE SO BAD IN THE CITY, THAT I," &C., &C., &C.
A FALSE POSITION.
Individual (who is not over strong in his head, or firm on his legs). "D-D-D-D-ID WALTZING—EVER—MAKE—YOU—GIDDY? BECAUSE, I—SHALL—BE—HAPPY—TO—SIT—DOWN—WHENEVER—YOU'RE—TIRED!"
Girl (who is in high dancing condition). "OH, DEAR NO—I COULD WALTZ ALL NIGHT!"
THE NEW BONNET.
Frederick. "THERE NOW, HOW VERY PROVOKING! I'VE LEFT THE PRAYER-BOOKS AT HOME!"
Maria. "WELL, DEAR, NEVER MIND; BUT DO TELL ME, IS MY BONNET STRAIGHT?"
A GREAT MENTAL EFFORT.
First Cock Sparrow. "WHAT A MIWACKULOUS TYE, FWANK! HOW THE DOOSE DO YOU MANAGE IT?"
Second Cock Sparrow. "YAS. I FANCY IT IS RATHER GRAND; BUT THEN, YOU SEE, I GIVE THE WHOLE OF MY MIND TO IT."
COMING HOME.
Old Party (who is taking care of the house). "OH, YES, SIR. YOU'LL FIND THE ROOM NICE AN' CLEAN—AN' I'M SURE THE BED'S HAIRED—FOR I'VE BIN AN' SLEP IN IT MY OWN SELF HEVERY NIGHT."
OH! THE CURTAINS.
Objectionable Child. "LOR, PA! ARE YOU GOING TO SMOKE? MY EYE! WON'T YOU CATCH IT WHEN MA COMES HOME, FOR MAKING THE CURTAINS SMELL!"
DISTRACTION.
Wife of your Bussum. "OH, I DON'T WANT TO INTERRUPT YOU, DEAR. I ONLY WANT SOME MONEY FOR BABY'S SOCKS—AND TO KNOW WHETHER YOU WILL HAVE THE MUTTON COLD OR HASHED."
A VERY VULGAR SUBJECT.
William. "HERE'S WISHIN' YOU GOOD 'EALTH, JIM, AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!"
James. "THANK'YE, BILL, THANK'YE. I HAD OUGHT TO BE A HAPPY COVE—FOR I'VE GOT A WIFE AS CAN THRASH ANY MAN OF HER WEIGHT—AND I'VE GOT A CHILD OF TWO YEARS AND A ARF AS CAN EAT TWO POUNDS O' BEEFSTEAK AT A SITTING—LET ALONE OWNIN' THE SMALLEST BLACK AND TAN TERRIER IN THE WORLD!"
A DELICIOUS SAIL—OFF DOVER.
Old Lady. "GOODNESS GRACIOUS, MR. BOATMAN! WHAT'S THAT?"
Stolid Boatman. "THAT, MUM! NUTHUN, MUM. ONLY THE ARTILLERY A PRAC-TI-SIN', AND THAT'S ONE O' THE CANNON-BALLS WHAT'S JUST STRUCK THE WATER!!"
THE ROUND HAT, LADEN WITH NOVELS, IN A STORM.
Ancient Mariner. "HOLD ON A BIT, MISS—I'LL TOW YOU OFF—YOU SHOULD NEVER CARRY SO MUCH SAIL IN A SOU-WESTER!"
SNOW-FLAKES.—No. 1.
Street Boy (to his natural enemy, the Policeman). "SNOWBALLS, SIR! NO, SIR! I HAVEN'T SEEN NO ONE THROW NO SNOWBALLS, SIR!"
SNOW-FLAKES.—No. 2.
Street Boy. "HOH! SOOSANNER! DON'T YER CRY FOR ME! FOL DE ROL DE RIDDLE LOL! HERE'S A JOLLY SLIDE! CUT AWAY, YOUNG 'UN! IT'S ALL SERENE!"
SNOW-FLAKES.—No. 3.
Playful Youth. "PLEASE, SIR, I WASN'T A HEAVIN' AT YOU—I WAS HEAVIN' AT BILLY JONES."
THE BIRTHDAY.
Cousin Emily. "AND SO IT'S LITTLE ALFRED'S BIRTHDAY TO-MORROW. NOW, WHAT WOULD HE LIKE BEST FOR A PRESENT?"
Alfred (after much reflection). "WHY, I THINK I SHOULD LIKE A—I SHOULD LIKE A TESTAMENT—AND—A—A—AND—OH, I KNOW! I SHOULD LIKE A SQUIRT!!"
DIVISION OF LABOUR.
Sportsman (in Standing Beans). "WHERE TO NOW, JACK?"
Jack. "WELL! LET'S SEE! I SHOULD JUST GO UP THE BEANS AGAIN, AND ACROSS THE TOP END, BEAT DOWN THE OTHER SIDE AND ROUND BY THE BOTTOM; WHILE YOU'RE THERE, GET OVER AND TRY OLD HAYCOCK'S STANDING OATS—HE WON'T MIND—I'LL STOP HERE AND MARK!"
A HARD RIDER.
Man on the Grey (who comes Express pace over the Stile, and cannons against two quiet riders). "BEG PARDON, GENTLEMEN, BUT MY HORSE HAS GOT NO MOUTH!"
BON-BON FROM A JUVENILE PARTY.
Doctor. "AHEM! WELL! AND WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH MY YOUNG FRIEND ADOLPHUS?"
Fond Mother. "WHY, HE'S NOT AT ALL THE THING, DOCTOR. HE WAS AT A JUVENILE PARTY LAST NIGHT, WHERE THERE WAS A TWELFTH CAKE; AND IT PAINS ME TO SAY, THAT BESIDES EATING A GREAT DEAL TOO MUCH OF THE CAKE, HE WAS IMPRUDENT ENOUGH TO EAT A HARLEQUIN AND A MAN ON HORSEBACK, AND, I AM SORRY TO ADD, A CUPID AND A BIRDCAGE FROM THE TOP OF IT!"
KNOWLEDGE IS POWER.
Tom. "JACK! WHEREABOUTS IS AMSTID—AM?"
Jack. "WELL, I CAN'T SAY EXACKERLY, BUT I KNOW IT'S SOMEWHERE NEAR AMSTID-EATH!"
THE PIKE IS A VORACIOUS FISH, AND BITES VERY READILY IN THE WINTER MONTHS.
OLD GENTLEMAN IS VERY FOND OF FISHING!!
A NICE GAME AT BILLIARDS.
Pretty Cousin. "LET ME SEE, FREDERICK, I'M JUST EIGHTEEN TO YOUR LOVE?"
Frederick (who is always so ridiculous). "THAT IS PRECISELY THE STATE OF THE CASE, MY DEAREST GEORGINA."
Mamma (with severity). "COME, LUNCHEON IS QUITE READY."
VERY FINE GENTLEMEN.
Master of the House. "NOW, PRAY WHAT IS IT YOU COMPLAIN OF? IS NOT A ROAST LEG OF MUTTON, WITH PLENTY OF PUDDING, VEGETABLES, AND BEER, A SUBSTANTIAL DINNER ENOUGH FOR YOU?"
Flunkey. "OH! SUBSTANTIAL ENOUGH, NO DOUBT, SIR; BUT IT REALLY IS A QUIZZEEN THAT—AW—ME AND THE OTHER GENTLEMEN HAS NOT BIN ACCUSTOMED TO. ITS VERY CORSE—VERY CORSE, INDEED, SIR!!"
PLEASANT!
Nervous Gentleman. "DON'T YOU THINK, ROBERT, GOING SO FAST DOWN HILL IS VERY LIKELY TO MAKE THE HORSE FALL?"
Robert. "LOR BLESS YER—NO, SIR! I NEVER THROWED A OSS DOWN IN MY LIFE, 'XCEPT ONCE, AND THAT WAS ONE FROSTY MOONLIGHT NIGHT (JUST SUCH A NIGHT AS THIS IT WAS), AS I WAS A-DRIVIN' A GENT (AS MIGHT BE YOU) FROM THE STATION, WHEN I THROWED DOWN THIS WERRY OSS IN THIS WERRY IDENTICAL PLACE."
A TIGHT FIT.
"YOUR BATH IS QUITE READY, MA'AM."
"WELL BUT MY GOOD GIRL, I CAN'T GET INTO SUCH A BIT OF A THING AS THAT!"
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HUNTING.
No. XII.
MR. BRIGGS, STIMULATED BY THE ACCOUNTS IN THE NEWSPAPERS OF THE DARING FEAT OF HORSEMANSHIP AT AYLESBURY, AND EXCITED BY MR. HAYCOCK'S CLARET, TRIES WHETHER HE ALSO CAN RIDE OVER A DINING-ROOM TABLE.
NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS (?)
First Old Foozle. "WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE THE PAPER, SIR? THERE'S NOTHING IN IT."
Second Old Foozle. "THEN WHAT THE DEVIL DID YOU KEEP IT SO LONG FOR?"
A SUGGESTION.
Driver. "WHERE DID THE OLD GENT WANT TO GO TO, BILL?"
Conductor. "VY, HE WANTED TO GO TO BLACKWALL IN A QUARTER OF AN HOUR."
Driver. "OH! DID HE? THEN HE'D BETTER ORDER A BALLOON!!!"
VALUABLE HINT.
ALWAYS BOLT THE DOOR OF YOUR MACHINE AFTER BATHING, OR YOU MAY BE SERVED AS POOR MR. BRIGGS WAS ONE DAY. HIS DISASTER IS REPRESENTED ABOVE.
AN ARTFUL EXCUSE.
Servant Maid. "IF YOU PLEASE, MEM. COULD I GO OUT FOR HALF-AN-HOUR TO BUY A BIT OF RIBBIN, MEM?"
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF HUNTING
A SKETCH OF CHARACTER BY PROFESSOR MILKANSOP, THE CELEBRATED GRAPHIOLOGIST.
Gentleman (reads). "'INTELLIGENT; STRONG RELIGIOUS FEELINGS; FOND OF LITTLE CHILDREN; LOVES MUSIC, POETRY, AND THE FINE ARTS; IS RELUCTANT TO TAKE OFFENCE, GENEROUS AND FORGIVING.'—WELL, I'M BLOWED, IF THAT AIN'T WONDERFUL! WHY, ITS MY KARACTER TO A T!"
AN INGENIOUS FELLOW.
"LOOK HERE, MY BOY! THE BOX MAKES A CAPITAL TABLE, AND THE BOOT IS JUST THE THING FOR YOUR LEGS."
A WEIGHTY MATTER.
Cavalry Officer (who rides about five stone). "I'M DOOCED GLAD WE'RE IN THE HEAVIES; AIN'T YOU, CHARLEY? IT WOULD BE A HORRID BORE TO BE SENT OUT TO THE CAPE LIKE THOSE POOR LIGHT BOBS."
OUR YOUNG PEOPLE.
Juvenile. "I TELL YOU WHAT IT IS, GOVERNOR, THE SOONER WE COME TO SOME UNDERSTANDING THE BETTER. YOU CAN'T EXPECT A YOUNG FELLER TO BE ALWAYS AT HOME; AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE WAY I GO ON, WHY I MUST HAVE CHAMBERS, AND SO MUCH A-WEEK?"
A PERSONAL OPINION.
Elderly Spinster. "SO, YOU'RE GOING TO BE MARRIED, DEAR, ARE YOU? WELL, FOR MY PART, I THINK NINE-HUNDRED-AND-NINETY-NINE MARRIAGES OUT OF A THOUSAND TURN OUT MISERABLY; BUT OF COURSE EVERY ONE IS THE BEST JUDGE OF THEIR OWN FEELINGS."
LITTLE WOMEN.
First Matron. "HAS YOUR DOLL HAD THE MEASLES, AMELIA? MINE HAS—"
Second Matron. "NO, DEAR, BUT IT'S BEEN VERY FRACTIOUS ABOUT ITS TEETH, AND I'M GOING TO GIVE IT A LITTLE GREY POWDER."
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF FISHING.
CAUGHT.
Domestic (soliloquising). "WELL! I'M SURE MISSUS HAD BETTER GIVE THIS NEW BONNET TO ME, INSTEAD OF STICKING SUCH A YOUNG-LOOKING THING UPON HER OLD SHOULDERS."
STREET DIALOGUE.
First Boy. "I'LL PUNCH YER ED, IF YER SAY MUCH."
Second Boy. "WHO'LL PUNCH MY ED?"—First Boy. "I WILL."
Second Boy. "YOU WILL?"—First Boy. "YES, I WILL."
Second Boy. "WELL!—DO IT."—First Boy. "AH!"
Second Boy. "YES!"—First Boy. "OH!"
A PRUDENT RESOLVE.
'Ousemaid. "WELL, MR. ROBERT, I SUPPOSE YOU'LL BE OFF TO THE DIGGINGS ALONG WITH THE REST OF THE GENTLEMEN?"
Flunkey. "NOT IF I KNOWS IT, MARY, MY DEAR. I AIN'T BEEN ACCUSTOMED TO FIZZICAL EXERTION; AND I DON'T INTEND TO BEGIN HARD WORK AT MY TIME OF LIFE."
USED UP.
Grandmamma. "WHY, WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH MY PET?"
Child. "WHY, GRANDMA, AFTER GIVING THE SUBJECT EVERY CONSIDERATION, I HAVE COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT—THE WORLD IS HOLLOW, AND MY DOLL IS STUFFED WITH SAWDUST. SO—I—SHOULD—LIKE—IF YOU PLEASE, TO BE A NUN!"
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF FISHING.
No. III.
MR. B WON'T HAVE A MAN WITH HIM, AS HE THINKS HE CAN MANAGE A PUNT BY HIMSELF; AND THE CONSEQUENCE IS, HE IS OBLIGED TO GO TO BED WHILE HIS THINGS ARE DRIED, HAVING UPSET HIMSELF, AS A MATTER OF COURSE.
HUNTING MEMORANDUM—APPEARANCE OF THINGS IN GENERAL TO A GENTLEMAN WHO HAS JUST TURNED A COMPLETE SOMERSAULT!!
* &C. &C. REPRESENT SPARKS OF DIVERS BEAUTIFUL COLOURS
MANNERS MAKE THE MAN.
Omnibus Driver. "I BEG YOU A THOUSAND PARDONS, I AM SURE."
Cabman. "OH, PRAY DON'T MENTION IT. ITS OF NO CONSEQUENCE, BELIEVE ME!"
MUCH TOO CLEVER.
Sharp (but vulgar Little Boy). "HALLO, MISSUS, WOT ARE THOSE?"
Old Woman. "TWOPENCE."
Boy. "WHAT A LIE! THEY'RE APPLES."
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF FISHING.
No. IV.
MR. BRIGGS TRIES (FOR MANY HOURS) A LIKELY PLACE FOR A PERCH; BUT UPON THIS OCCASION THE WIND IS NOT IN A FAVOURABLE QUARTER.
RETURNING FROM THE SEA-SIDE.—A LITTLE COMMISSION.
"IF YOU PLEASE, SIR,—MRS. GENERAL SLOWCOACH'S COMPLIMENTS, AND SHE SAYS IF YOU'RE GOING BY THE TRAIN THIS MORNING, SHE WOULD FEEL PERTICKLER OBLIGED BY YOUR TAKING CHARGE OF THIS LITTLE CASK OF SEA-WATER AS FAR AS HER 'OUSE."
ANGLING IN THE SERPENTINE.—SATURDAY, P.M.
Piscator No. 1. "HAD EVER A BITE, JIM?" Piscator No. 2. "NOT YET—I ONLY COME HERE LAST WEDNESDAY!"
SPORTING INTELLIGENCE.—(FROM OUR OWN CORRESPONDENT.)
"THE COUNTRY IS AWFULLY DEEP, BUT THE FALLING IS DELIGHTFULLY SOFT AND SAFE."
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF FISHING.
No. VI.
MR. BRIGGS HAS ANOTHER DAY'S FISHING.
HE IS SO FORTUNATE AS TO CATCH A LARGE EEL.
AN UNDESIGNED INCIDENT.
"HOW COOL AND NICE THE FRENCH-POLISHED FLOORS ARE,—BUT—UGH!—OH DEAR!—HOW HARD!"
NO PLACE LIKE HOME.
PATERFAMILIAS PREFERS HIS OWN BEDROOM (WHICH THE WHITEWASHERS HAVE JUST LEFT) TO THE DISCOMFORT OF AN HOTEL.
THE GENTLE CRAFT.
Contemplative Man (in punt). "I DON'T SO MUCH CARE ABOUT THE SPORT. IT'S THE DELICIOUS REPOSE I ENJOY SO."
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF FISHING.
No. VII.
TRIUMPHANT SUCCESS OF MR. BRIGGS.
SOMEHOW OR OTHER (ASSISTED BY HIS LITTLE BOY WALTER), HE CATCHES A JACK, WHICH, TO USE MR. B.'S OWN WORDS, FLIES AT HIM, AND BARKS LIKE A DOG.
SPLENDID DAY WITH THE "QUEEN'S."
First Sporting Snob. "WELL, BILL, WHAT SORT OF A DAY HAVE YER HAD?"
Second Ditto. "OH, MAGNIFICENT, MY BOY! I SEE THE 'OUNDS SEVERAL TIMES; AND NONE OF YER NASTY 'EDGES AN' DITCHES, EITHER; BUT A PRIME TURNPIKE ROAD ALL THE WAY."
DREADFUL CRISIS.
Victim. "HOPE YOU WILL NOT BE OFFENDED, SIR; BUT I SHOULD BE VERY GLAD IF YOU COULD SETTLE MY LITTLE BILL UP TO CHRISTMAS."
Mr. Dunup. "OFFENDED, MY DEAR BOY! NOT IN THE LEAST. BUT THE FACT IS, I HAVE 'SUSPENDED CASH PAYMENTS' FOR SOME TIME."
FOX STEALS AWAY FROM THE COVER; BEARDED FOREIGNER OF DISTINCTION IMMEDIATELY GIVES CHASE.
Whipper-in (with excitement, loquitur). "'OLD 'ARD, THERE! 'OLD 'ARD! WHERE ARE YOU A-GALLOPING TO? DO YOU THINK YOU CAN CATCH A FOX?"
Foreigner of Distinction (with great glee). "I DO NOT KNOW, MON AMI; BUT I WILL TRAI—I WILL TRAI!"
THE PIC-NIC.
Contented Man (loq.). "WHAT A NICE DAMP PLACE WE HAVE SECURED; AND HOW VERY FORTUNATE WE ARE IN THE WEATHER; IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO PROVOKING FOR US ALL TO HAVE BROUGHT OUR UMBRELLAS AND THEN TO HAVE HAD A FINE DAY!! GLASS OF WINE, BRIGGS, EH?"
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF FISHING.
No. VIII.
MR. BRIGGS, ANXIOUS TO BECOME A "COMPLETE ANGLER," STUDIES THE "GENTLE ART" OF FLY-FISHING.
No. IX.
MR. B. GOES OUT. HIS CHIEF DIFFICULTY IS, THAT EVERY TIME HE THROWS HIS LINE—THE HOOKS (OF WHICH THERE ARE FIVE) WILL STICK BEHIND IN HIS JACKET AND TR-WS-RS.
MEN OF EXPERIENCE.
Tom. "AH, BILL! I'M QUITE TIRED OF THE DISSIPATION OF THE GAY AND FASHIONABLE WORLD. I THINK I SHALL MARRY AND SETTLE."
Bill. "WELL, I'M DEVILISH SICK OF A BACHELOR'S LIFE MYSELF, BUT I DON'T LIKE THE IDEA OF THROWING MYSELF AWAY IN A HURRY."
QUITE UNNECESSARY.
Juvenile. "OH, CHARLEY. IF YOU HEAR A REPORT THAT I'M GOING TO BE MARRIED TO THAT GIRL IN BLACK, YOU CAN CONTRADICT IT. THERE'S NOTHING IN IT."
NOT VERY LIKELY.
Mistress. "WELL, I'M SURE! AND PRAY WHO IS THAT?"
Cook. "OH, IF YOU PLEASE'M, IT'S ONLY MY COUSIN WHO HAS CALLED JUST TO SHOW ME HOW TO BOIL A POTATO."
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF SHOOTING.
No. I.
MR. BRIGGS THINKS OF RUNNING DOWN THE DAY AFTER TO-MORROW TO HIS FRIEND HAYCOCK FOR A DAY'S SHOOTING, AND HAS BORROWED A DOG TO GO WITH HIM. FOR THE NINTH TIME DURING THE NIGHT HE HAS BEEN DISTURBED BY THE HOWLING OF THE ANIMAL.
No. II.
MR. BRIGGS NO SOONER RETURNS TO HIS BED, THAN MRS. BRIGGS SAYS, "MY DEAR! THERE'S THAT NASTY, TIRESOME DOG AGAIN!!"
WHEN IT IS DELIGHTFUL TO LOSE A BET.
Grace. "TEDDINGTON FIRST?—THEN THAT WILL MAKE FOUR DOZEN AND A HALF. REMEMBER, SIXES! TWO DOZEN WHITE, AND THE REST PALE DRAB AND LAVENDER."
REWARD OF MERIT.
Ragged Urchin. "PLEASE, GIVE DAD A SHORT PIPE."
Barman. "CAN'T DO IT. DON'T KNOW HIM."
Ragged Urchin. "WHY, HE GETS DRUNK HERE EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT."
Barman. "OH! DOES HE, MY LITTLE DEAR? THEN 'ERES A NICE LONG 'UN, WITH A BIT OF WAX AT THE END."
MR. BRIGG'S PLEASURES Of SHOOTING.
No. III.
9 A.M., HIS ARRIVAL ON THE MOOR. MR. BRIGGS SAYS THAT THE FINE BRACING AIR MAKES HIM SO VIGOROUS THAT HE SHALL NEVER BE BEAT. HE ALSO FACETIOUSLY REMARKS THAT HE IS ON "HIS NATIVE HEATH," AND THAT HIS "NAME IS MACGREGOR!"
No. IV.
11 A.M. MR. BRIGGS BEGINS TO SHOW SYMPTOMS OF DISTRESS. HE FINDS HIS "NATIVE HEATH" A VERY DIFFERENT THING TO HIS "NATIVE FLAGSTONES."
AN EXCLUSIVE.
Enter Small Swell (who drawls as follows). "A—BROWN, A—WANT SOME MORE COATS!"
Snip. "YES, SIR. THANK YOU, SIR. HOW MANY WOULD YOU PLEASE TO WANT?"
Small Swell. "A—LET ME SEE; A'LL HAVE EIGHT. A—NO, A'LL HAVE NINE; LOOK HERE! A—SHALL WANT SOME TROWSERS."
Snip. "YES, SIR. THANK YOU, SIR. HOW MANY WOULD YOU LIKE?"
Small Swell. "A—I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY. S'POSE WE SAY TWENTY-FOUR PAIRS; AND LOOK HERE! SHOW ME SOME PATTERNS THAT WON'T BE WORN BY ANY SNOBS!"
ELEGANT HABIT.
Mamma. "MY DEAR FREDERICK, DO PRAY TAKE YOUR HANDS OUT OF YOUR POCKETS!"
Frederick. "COULDN'T DO IT, MAMMA, DEAR; ALL OUR MEN AT CAMBRIDGE WEAR THEIR HANDS IN THEIR POCKETS, AND I COULDN'T DISGRACE MY COLLEGE BY TAKING MINE OUT!!"
AN OMNIBUS INCIDENT.
Man (thrusting his hand into the window). "WILL YOU BUY A PENKNIFE WITH A HUNDRED BLADES, SIR?"
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF SHOOTING.
ANALOGY.
Sporting Man (loquitur). "I SAY, CHARLES—THAT'S A PROMISING LITTLE FILLY ALONG O' THAT BAY-HAIRED WOMAN WHO'S TALKING TO THE BLACK-COB-LOOKING MAN!"
JOHN THOMAS MISPLACED.
Lady. "YOU WISH TO LEAVE—REALLY IT'S VERY INCONVENIENT. PRAY—HAVE YOU ANY REASON TO BE DISSATISFIED WITH YOUR PLACE?"
Flunkey. "OH, DEAR NO, MA'AM—NOT DISSATISFIED EXACTLY: BUT—A—THE FACT IS, MA'AM, YOU DON'T KEEP NO VEHICLE, AND I FIND I MISS MY CARRIAGE EXERCISE."
NOTHING LIKE PRUDENCE.
Maria (loq.). "MY DEAR CHARLES, BEFORE WE THINK OF MARRYING, I MUST ASK YOU WHAT YOU HAVE?"
Charles. "MY DEAR MARIA, I WILL TELL YOU FRANKLY THAT ALL I HAVE IN THE WORLD IS A DRUM AND A CRICKET BAT; BUT PAPA HAS PROMISED ME A BOW AND ARROWS, AND A PONY, IF I'M A GOOD BOY."
Maria. "OH! MY DEAR CHARLES, WE COULD NEVER LIVE AND KEEP HOUSE UPON THAT!"
HOUSEMAIDS REFUSING SERVICE IN BELGRAVIA.
Lady Emily. "NOW DEAR, I WISH YOU WOULD BE QUICK, AND LIGHT THE FIRES, AND HELP ME TO MAKE THE BEDS."
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF SHOOTING.
GRANDMAMMA IS SUPPOSED TO HAVE GIVEN MASTER TOM SOME PLUMS.
Master Tom. "NOW, THEN, GRANNY, I'VE EATEN THE PLUMS, AND IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME SIXPENCE, I'LL SWALLOW THE STONES!"