HORRIBLE INCIDENT IN REAL LIFE.
AS THE SERVANTS ARE GONE TO BED, THE MASTER OF THE HOUSE ENDEAVOURS TO GET A LITTLE BIT OF SUPPER FOR HIMSELF. HE CAN'T CONCEIVE WHERE THE DEUCE THE THINGS ARE ALL KEPT; AND HE IS ALMOST TORN TO PIECES BY THE BLACK NATIVES OF THE KITCHEN.
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF SHOOTING.
No. VII.
FORTUNATELY FOR MR. BRIGGS (WHO WILL LOAD HIS OWN GUN BECAUSE THEN HE KNOWS WHAT HE IS ABOUT) THE KEEPER DISCOVERS THAT HE HAS PUT ABOUT THREE-QUARTERS OF A POUND OF SHOT INTO HIS RIGHT-HAND BARREL.
CONSOLATION.
"NOT KITCHED NONE! AH! SIR, YOU SHOULD HA' BIN HERE LAST TOOSDAY; THERE WAS TOO GENTS KILLED A UNCOMMON SIGHT A' FISH TO BE SURE, THEN."
BOTTOM FISHING.
Piscator No. 1. (miserably). "NOW, TOM, DO LEAVE OFF. IT ISN'T OF ANY USE; AND IT'S GETTING QUITE DARK."
Piscator No. 2. "LEAVE OFF!! WHAT A PRECIOUS DISAGREEABLE CHAP YOU ARE. YOU COME OUT FOR A DAY'S PLEASURE AND YOU'RE ALWAYS A-WANTING TO GO HOME!"
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF SHOOTING.
No. VIII.
FEW THINGS ARE MORE ANNOYING THAN TO BE SHORT OF POWDER WHEN THERE IS A CHANCE OF GOOD SPORT. MR. BRIGGS FEELING THIS, ORDERS A GOOD SUPPLY, TO BANG AWAY AT THE PHEASANTS TO-MORROW. HE SUGGESTS TO MRS. BRIGGS, THAT IT SHOULD BE KEPT UNDER THEIR BED, TO BE OUT OF THE WAY OF THE CHILDREN!!
A CAUTION TO LITTLE BOYS AT A FESTIVE SEASON.
Mamma. "WHY, MY DEAREST ALBERT, WHAT ARE YOU CRYING FOR?—SO GOOD, TOO, AS YOU HAVE BEEN ALL DAY!"
Spoiled Little Boy. "BOO-HOO! I'VE EATEN SO—MUCH BE-EF AND T-TURKEY, THAT I CANT EAT ANY P-PLUM P-P-PUDDING!"
PLEASANT.
Old Acquaintance. "AVE A DRAIN, BILL?"
Bus Driver. "WHY, YER SEE, JIM, THIS 'ERE YOUNG HOSS HAS ON'Y BIN IN 'ARNES ONCE AFORE, AND HE'S SUCH A BEGGAR TO BOLT, TEN TO ONE IF I LEAVE 'IM HE'LL BE A-RUNNIN' HOFF AND A-SMASHIN' INTO SUTHUN. HOWSEVER—HERE (handing reins to timid passenger), LAY HOLD, SIR, I'LL CHANCE IT!"
A REAL DIFFICULTY.
Coachman. "WHY—WHAT'S THE MATTER, JOHN THOMAS?"
Footman. "MATTER ENUFF! HERE'S THE MARCHIONESS BIN AN GIV ME NOTICE BECAUSE I DON'T MATCH JOSEPH,—AND I MUST GO, UNLESS I CAN GET MY FAT DOWN IN A WEEK!"
BIT FROM THE MINING DISTRICTS.
First. "WUT TAK THY QUOAT OFF, THEN! OI TELL THEE OI'M AS GOOD A MON AS THEE!"
Second. "THEE A MON! WHOY THEE BE'EST ONLY WALKING ABOUT TO SAVE THY FUNERAL EXPENSES!"
ANOTHER BIT FROM THE MINING DISTRICTS.
First Polite Native. "WHO'S 'IM, BILL?"
Second Ditto. "A STRANGER!"
First Ditto. "'EAVE 'ARF A BRICK AT 'IM."
UP TO WEIGHT.
Stout Party. "AHEM! I WANT TO HAVE A LOOK AT THE HOUNDS TO-MORROW! DO YOU THINK YOU HAVE GOT ANYTHING THAT WOULD CARRY ME?"
Stable Keeper. "WELL, SIR! I THINK I HAVE TWO BROWN 'OSSES—AND A OMNIBUS, AS PERHAPS MIGHT DO IT!"
WHY, INDEED?
Perceptive Child. "MAMMA, DEAR! WHY DO THOSE GENTLEMEN DRESS THEMSELVES LIKE THE FUNNY LITTLE MEN IN MY NOAH'S ARK?"
VERY CONSIDERATE.
Affable Little Gentleman. "DEAR, OH DEAR! HOW IT RAINS! I'M AFRAID YOU'LL GET VERY WET—CAN I OFFER YOU A GREAT COAT OR ANYTHING?"
CHANGING THE SUBJECT.
Old Gentleman. "WELL, WALTER, I SUPPOSE YOU HAVE GOT INTO LATIN AND GREEK AT SCHOOL BY THIS TIME, EH?"
Juvenile. "OH, YES, SIR. I HAVE JUST FINISHED XENOPHON AND THUCYDIDES, AND AM NOW IN EURIPIDES. BY THE WAY, SIR, HOW WOULD YOU RENDER THE PASSAGE BEGINNING κακως πεπρακται πανταχη?"
Old Gentleman. "AHEM! HEY?—WHAT?—AHEM! HERE, RUGGLES, BRING ANOTHER BOTTLE OF CLARET, AND—EH? WHAT? WALTER, I THINK YOU HAD BETTER JOIN THE LADIES."
MEETING HIM HALF WAY.
Young Hopeful. "WELL, IT'S OF NO USE, GOVERNOR; I CAN'T STICK TO BUSINESS. I WANT TO BE A SOLDIER, AND YOU MUST BUY ME A COMMISSION."
Governor. "NO, MY BOY, I CAN'T AFFORD TO BUY YOU A COMMISSION, BUT I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I WILL DO; IF YOU WILL GO DOWN TO CHATHAM AND ENLIST, I WILL GIVE YOU MY WORD OF HONOUR I WON'T BUY YOU OFF!"
MEN OF THE WORLD.
First Man of the World. "HEARD OF MISS F——'s MARRIAGE, CHARLEY?"
Second Do. "AH! I HEARD IT SPOKEN OF. I BELIEVE IT WAS A MARRIAGE OF INCLINATION ON BOTH SIDES?"
First Do. "YES! IT WAS A BAD JOB. THOSE MATCHES NEVER TURN OUT WELL!"
THE BRITON ABROAD.
DID YOU EVER SEE TWO STRANGE ENGLISHMEN BREAKFASTING AT A TABLE D'HOTE ABROAD? WELL! ISN'T IT A CHEERFUL THING?
THE GARRET AND THE CONSERVATORY.
Genteel Pluralist. "WHAT THE PEOPLE CAN WANT WITH A CRYSTAL PALACE ON SUNDAYS, I CAN'T THINK! SURELY THEY OUGHT TO BE CONTENTED WITH THEIR CHURCH AND THEIR HOME AFTERWARDS."
A THOROUGH GOOD COOK
Lady. "THEN, WHY DID YOU LEAVE YOUR LAST PLACE, PRAY?"
Cook. "WELL, MA'AM, AFTER I'M DONE WORK, I AM VERY FOND OF SINGING AND PLAYING ON THE ACCORDIUM, AND MISSUS HADN'T USED TO LIKE IT—AND SO I GIVE NOTICE!"
INFORMATION.
"JEMMY! WHAT'S A STALL AT THE HOPERA?"
"WELL, I CAN'T SAY, NOT FOR CERTAIN; BUT I SUPPOSE IT'S WHERE THEY SELLS THE HAPPLES, HORANGES, GINGER BEER AND BISKITS."
SELF-ESTEEM.
Gentleman. "SIXTY POUNDS A YEAR!! WHY, MAN, ARE YOU AWARE THAT SUCH A SUM IS MORE THAN IS FREQUENTLY GIVEN TO A CURATE?"
Flunkey. "OH, YES, SIR; BUT THEN YOU WOULD HARDLY, I HOPE, GO FOR TO COMPARE ME WITH THE HINFERIOR ORDER OF CLERGY."
GROSS INSULT.
University "Man" having spent a few days in Town, at the end of Term is about to go Home.
Waiter (condescendingly). "GOING HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS, SIR?"
University MAN (hurling himself into Hansom). "EUSTON SQUA-A-A-RE!"
CANDID.
Old Gent. "THOMAS, I HAVE ALWAYS PLACED THE GREATEST CONFIDENCE IN YOU. NOW TELL ME, THOMAS, HOW IS IT THAT MY BUTCHER'S BILLS ARE SO LARGE, AND THAT I ALWAYS HAVE SUCH BAD DINNERS?"
Thomas. "REALLY, SIR, I DON'T KNOW, FOR I'M SURE WE NEVER HAVE ANYTHING NICE IN THE KITCHEN THAT WE DON'T ALWAYS SEND SOME OF IT UP INTO THE PARLOUR!"
DE GUS-TIBUS.
Uncle. "SO, YOU'VE BEEN TO THE CRYSTAL PALACE—HAVE YOU, GUS?"
Gus. "YES, UNCLE."
Uncle. "WELL. NOW, I'LL GIVE YOU SIXPENCE IF YOU WILL TELL ME WHAT YOU ADMIRED MOST IN THAT TEMPLE OF INDUSTRY?"
Gus. (unhesitatingly). "VEAL AND 'AM PIES, AND THE GINGER BEER. GIVE US THE SIXPENCE."
AN ENTHUSIASTIC FISHERMAN.
"WHAT A BORE! JUST LIKE MY LUCK. NO SOONER HAVE I GOT MY TACKLE READY, AND SETTLED DOWN TO A BOOK, THAN THERE COMES A CONFOUNDED BITE!"
A COUNTRY BALL.
First Amiable Lady (very loud). "WHAT A REMARKABLY ODD SET OF PEOPLE ONE MEETS AT A PUBLIC BALL!"
Second Do. "OH, VERY DROLL!"
Poor Little Swell. "YETH; AND SO THWANGELY DRETHED!"
A FACT.
Flunkey (out of place). "THERE'S JUST ONE QUESTION I SHOULD LIKE TO ASK YOUR LADYSHIP—HAM I ENGAGED FOR WORK, OR HAM I ENGAGED FOR ORNAMENT?"
RATHER AWKWARD FOR TOMKINS.
Young Diana. "I THINK, SIR, IF YOU WOULD BE SO GOOD AS TO GO FIRST, AND BREAK THE TOP RAIL, MY PONY WOULD GET OVER."
AGRICULTURAL DISTRESS.
Whip. "HOLD HARD, GENTLEMEN! WARE WHEAT! WARE WHEAT!!"
Young Farmer. "COME ON, GENTLEMEN. NEVER MIND THE WHEAT—IT'S ONLY THIRTY SHILLINGS A QUARTER!!"
GOING "OUT" TO AN "AT HOME."
Lovely Woman (to brute of a Husband). "GOOD GRACIOUS, WILLIAM—FAST ASLEEP! AND NOT DRESSED, I DECLARE! WHY IT'S NEARLY TWELVE O'CLOCK, AND THE BROUGHAM HAS BEEN WAITING THIS HALF-HOUR. GO AND GET READY THIS MOMENT, SIR!"
TERRIBLE DOMESTIC INCIDENT.
"LAWK, JOHN! IF YOU HAVEN'T BIN AND LET MASTER'S LIBERY FIRE OUT AGAIN."
FILLING UP THE CENSUS PAPER.
Wife of his Bosom. "UPON MY WORD, MR PEEWITT! IS THIS THE WAY YOU FILL UP YOUR CENSUS? SO YOU CALL YOURSELF THE 'HEAD OF THE FAMILY'—DO YOU—AND ME A FEMALE!"
A SPORTING CHARACTER.
"ARE YOU GOING TO HASCOT, BILL?"
"WHY, YES; I'M GOING TO CHAPERONG THIS YOUNG FEMALE DOWN BY THE RAIL."
OUR FOREIGN VISITORS.
Conductor. "HOLD HARD, BILL! HERE'S A COUPLE MORE LEICESTER SQUARES A-COMIN'."
TRUE RESPECTABILITY.
First Costermonger. "I WONDER A RESPECTABLE COVE LIKE YOU, BILL, CARRIES YOUR OWN COLLYFLOWERS; WHY DON'T YER KEEP A CARRIDGE LIKE MINE?"
Second Costermonger. "WHY DON'T I KEEP A CARRIDGE? WHY, BECAUSE I DON'T CHOOSE TO WASTE MY HINCUM IN MERE SHOW AND FASHIONABLE DISPLAY!"
THE OPERA.
Box-Keeper. "STALLS 216 AND 17. THIS WAY, MA'AM; LAST ROW, MA'AM. WON'T YOU LIKE A BOOK, MA'AM?"
A BRITISH RUFFIAN.
Lady. "IF YOU ARE NOT SATISFIED WITH WHAT I HAVE GIVEN YOU, THERE'S A GENTLEMAN HERE WHO WILL SETTLE WITH YOU."
Cabman. "NO, THERE AIN'T! THERE AIN'T NO GENTLEMAN HERE!"
Lady. "I TELL YOU THERE IS. THERE IS A GENTLEMAN IN THIS HOUSE."
Cabman. "OH, NO, THERE AIN'T, NOT IF HE BELONGS TO YOU!"
TURFITES.
"I SAY, OLD FELLOW, HOW DO YOU GO TO THE DERBY THIS YEAR?"
"OH, THE OLD WAY—HAMPER AND FOUR."
UNSEASONABLE SPORT.
Wife (much startled). "GOOD GRACIOUS, REGINALD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT GUN?"
Reginald (who is very fond of shooting). "HUSH! HUSH! MY DEAR—I'VE KILLED TWO!"
Wife. "MY GOODNESS! TWO WHAT?—THIEVES?"
Reginald. "NO, DEAR. TWO OF THOSE CONFOUNDED RABBITS THAT ARE ALWAYS EATING THE VERBENA! THERE, GO TO SLEEP, DARLING—I'LL HAVE ANOTHER DIRECTLY."
A YOUNG GENTLEMAN AND SCHOLAR.
Fond Mother. "WHY, HE DOESN'T WRITE VERY WELL YET, BUT HE GETS ON NICELY WITH HIS SPELLING. COME, ALEXANDER, WHAT DOES D. O. G. SPELL?"
Infant Prodigy (with extraordinary quickness). "CAT!"
ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT.
Dealer. "THERE! HE AIN'T A 'ORSE MADE UP FOR SALE, HE'LL GO ON IMPROVIN' EVERY DAY YOU KEEP HIM—HE WILL."
ARITHMETIC IN THE UNIVERSITY.
"I SAY, FRANK, MY BOY—IF TROUNCER'S AT 5 TO 2, AND NUTSHELL AT 3 TO 1, WHAT'S THE BETTING AGAINST THE PAIR OF THEM!"
"I'M SURE I DON'T KNOW—TAKE YOU 6 TO 1."
STARTLING EFFECT OF THE "GOLD DIGGINS."
Reduced Goldsmith (loq.). "NOW THEN, HERE YOU ARE!—A HANDSOME GOLD SNUFFBOX AND A HA'PORTH OF SNUFF FOR A PENNY!"
A TEST OF STRENGTH.
First Languid Party. "DON'T YOU FIND SEA-AIR VERY STRENGTHENING, JACK?"
Second Ditto, Ditto. "AH, VEWY! I COULD THROW STONES IN THE WATER ALL DAY!"
A HEAVY BLOW.
Alderman Gobble. "WHAW-T; PULL DOWN TEMPLE BAR? OH DEAR! RING FOR THE SHERRY. THEY'LL BE FOR DESTROYING GOG AND MAGOG NEXT."
A PRODIGIOUS NUISANCE.
Learned (but otherwise highly objectionable) Child (loq.). "OH, MAMMA, DEAR! WHAT DO YOU THINK? I ASKED MR. —— AND MISS —— TO NAME SOME OF THE REMARKABLE EVENTS FROM THE YEAR 700 TO THE YEAR 600 B.C., AND THEY COULDN'T. BUT I CAN—AND—THE SECOND MESSINIAN WAR COMMENCED; AND—THE POET TYRTÆUS FLOURISHED; BYZANTIUM WAS FOUNDED BY THE INHABITANTS OF MEGARA; DRACO GAVE LAWS TO ATHENS; TERPANDER OF LESBOS, THE MUSICIAN AND POET; THALES OF MILETUS, THE PHILOSOPHER; ALCÆUS AND SAPPHO, THE POETS, FLOURISHED; AND NEBUCHADNEZ——"
SUBURBAN FELICITY. GRATIFYING DOMESTIC (POULTRY) INCIDENT.
Buttons. "OH! PLEASE'M! BE QUICK'M! HERE'S THE COACHING CHINA A CLUCKING LIKE ANYTHINK. HE'VE BEEN AND LAID A HEGG!!!"
MR. BRIGG'S PLEASURES OF SHOOTING.
COLD COMFORT.
Country Friend to Sporting Gent from Town. "WELL, JACK, I TOLD YOU WE SHOULD HAVE A CAPITAL DAY. YOU SEE THE FROST IS QUITE GONE."
THE BEARD AND MOUSTACHE MOVEMENT.
Railway Guard. "NOW, MA'AM, IS THIS YOUR LUGGAGE?"
Old Lady (who concludes she is attacked by Brigands). "OH, YES! GENTLEMEN, IT'S MINE. TAKE IT—TAKE ALL I HAVE—BUT SPARE, OH SPARE OUR LIVES!!"
MR. BRIGG'S PLEASURES OF SHOOTING.
No. X
A FRIEND HAS GIVEN MR. BRIGGS A DAY'S SHOOTING.
A COCK PHEASANT GETS UP, AND MR. BRIGGS'S IMPRESSION IS, THAT A VERY LARGE FIREWORK HAS BEEN LET OFF CLOSE TO TO HIM. HE IS ALMOST FRIGHTENED TO DEATH.
THE OLD GENTLEMAN IS IN A HURRY TO GET TO THE STATION—CAB-HORSE JIBS MOST RESOLUTELY.
Old Gent. "NOW, THEN, DRIVER. WHATS THE MATTER?"
Cabman. "OH, IT'S NOTHIN', SIR. HE'S ONLY A LEETLE TOO FRESH, SIR!"
AND
SPEAK AS YOU THINK.
"ARE YOU GOING?"
"WHY, YE-ES. THE FACT IS, THAT YOUR PARTY IS SO SLOW, AND I AM WEALLY SO INFERNALLY BORED, THAT I SHALL GO SOMEWHERE AND SMOKE A QUIET CIGAR."
"WELL, GOOD NIGHT. AS YOU ARE BY NO MEANS HANDSOME, A GREAT PUPPY, AND NOT IN THE LEAST AMUSING, I THINK IT'S THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO."
A HORRIBLE BUSINESS.
Master Butcher. "DID YOU TAKE OLD MAJOR DUMBLEDORE'S RIBS TO NO. 12?"
Boy. "YES, SIR."
Master Butcher. "THEN CUT MISS WIGGLES'S SHOULDER AND NECK, AND HANG MR. FOODLE'S LEGS TILL THEY'RE QUITE TENDER!"
MR. BRIGG'S PLEASURES OF RACING.
No. I.
MR. BRIGGS HAS BACKED HIMSELF TO RIDE A STEEPLE CHASE AGAINST HIS FRIEND MUFFINS, OF THE
ST—K EXCH—NGE. HE IS GOING ROUND THE COURSE JUST TO LOOK AT THE JUMPS.
Spectator (to MR. B.). "OH NO, SIR!—THIS AIN'T THE BIG ONE. THE BIG ONE IS AFTER YOU GET OUT OF THE LANE, AND AFORE YOU COME TO THE BROOK!"
MR. BRIGG'S PLEASURES OF RACING.
No. VI.
SOME TIME AFTER THE START, MR. BRIGGS GOES ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE FLAG, AND IS OBLIGED TO GO BACK, WHICH, AS THE GROUND IS RATHER HEAVY, "TAKES IT OUT OF OLD BLUNDERBUSS CONSIDERABLY."
MR. BRIGG'S PLEASURES OF RACING
No. IX.
MR. BRIGGS, AS HE APPEARED COMING TO THE BROOK. IN THE DISTANCE MAY BE OBSERVED HIS OPPONENT, WHO HAS A NASTY FALL, BUT FORTUNATELY TUMBLES ON HIS HEAD.
DISTRESSING RESULT OF EMIGRATION.
Lady. "YES, MY DEAR. JOHN LEFT US WITHOUT ANY WARNING, AND WE CAN'T MATCH THE OTHER FOOTMAN, BECAUSE ALL THE TALL MEN ARE GONE TO AUSTRALIA."
DOMESTIC BLISS.
Young Mother (joyously). "THE DEAR LITTLE CREATURE IS GETTING ON SO NICELY; ITS BEGINNING QUITE TO TAKE NOTICE."—First Mother of a Family (blandly). "OH! MY DEAR! THAT IS NOT TAKING NOTICE; ITS ONLY THE WIND."—Second Ditto. "YOU SHOULD GIVE IT A LITTLE DILL-WATER, DEAR, YOU WOULD FIND," &c. &c.—Third Ditto. "WELL, IF IT WAS MY CHILD, I SHOULD," &c. &c.—Fourth Ditto. "NOW, WHEN I WAS NURSING MY LITTLE GREGORY, I USED," &c. &c.—Fifth Ditto. "WELL, NOW, I WOULD NOT FOR THE WORLD THAT A BABY OF MINE," &c. &c.—Sixth Ditto. "INDEED, I HAVE KNOWN CHILDREN OBLIGED TO ENDURE THE MOST HORRIBLE AGONY," &c. &c.—Seventh Ditto. "DEPEND UPON IT, LOVE; AND YOU KNOW I HAVE HAD A LARGE FAMILY—AND IF YOU WILL BE ADVISED BY ME," &c. &c.
SEA-SIDE LITERATURE FOR YOUNG LADIES; OR, DELIGHTS OF CROCHET.
First Young Lady (reads). "10TH ROW—3 LONG WITH THREE CHAIN AFTER EACH INTO THIRD SMALL SPACE, 1 LONG INTO SAME SPACE, 5 LONG WITH THREE CHAIN AFTER EACH INTO MIDDLE SPACE, 1 LONG INTO SAME SPACE, 3 LONG WITH 3 CHAIN AFTER EACH INTO NEXT SPACE, 1 LONG IN SAME SPACE, 5 CHAIN, DITTO IN MIDDLE OF LARGE SPACE, 5 CHAIN; REPEAT."
Second and Third Young Ladies (in ecstacies). "OH, HOW SWEETLY PRETTY!!!"
INTERESTING.
"I HAVE CALLED, MR. SQUILLS, TO SAY THAT MY DARLING LITTLE DOG (!) HAS TAKEN ALL HIS MIXTURE, BUT HIS COUGH IS NO BETTER."
AND
A SAVAGE REPROOF.
Indignant Master of Hounds. "NOW, YOU SIR! MIND THE HOUND! HE'S WORTH FORTY TIMES AS MUCH AS YOUR HORSE!"
WHAT A DREADFUL STORY!
Stout Party. "STOP! HERE! CABMAN! WE WANT TO GO AS FAR TER-WARDS WHITECHAPEL AS WE CAN FOR SIXPENCE!"
Cabman. "VERY SORRY, MUM! BUT THE OSS HAS BIN OUT ALL DAY—DEAD BEAT, MUM—GOING HOME, MUM."
A SELL.
Enter Sporting Youth, who has lost the hounds.
Youth. "SEEN THE HOUNDS GO THROUGH HERE, PIKEY?"
Pikey. "E-AS, A HAVE—TUPPENSE!"
IS IT SO?
Old Lady (loq.). "BLESS MY HEART! HOW RIDICULOUSLY SMALL THEY DO MAKE THE EYES OF THE NEEDLES NOW-A-DAYS, TO BE SURE!"
Re-enter Sporting Youth.
Youth (in a high state of excitement). "WHY, CONFOUND YOU! I THOUGHT YOU TOLD ME YOU HAD SEEN THE HOUNDS GO THROUGH HERE?"
Pikey. "E-AS, SO A DID; SEED 'EM YESTERDAY!"
THE NEW PURCHASE.
Blanche (who dotes on horses). "THERE, FRANK. ISN'T SHE A PRETTY CREATURE? PAPA GAVE HER TO ME THIS MORNING—SHE IS SO GOOD-TEMPERED AND WHAT A NICE HEAD AND NECK SHE HAS! HASN'T SHE? SHE'S QUITE YOUNG, TOO—AND SUCH A BEAUTIFUL MOUTH!—NOW, WHAT DO YOU SAY, SIR, EH?"
Frank (who is so absurd). "H'M! LETS SEE, PRETTY CREATURE!—GOOD-TEMPERED!—NICE HEAD AND NECK!—YOUNG!—AND A BEAUTIFUL MOUTH!—WHY, I SAY, YOU MAKE A CAPITAL PAIR!"
DOING IT THOROUGHLY.
Old Gent. "I SAY, MY LITTLE MAN, YOU SHOULD ALWAYS HOLD YOUR PONY TOGETHER GOING UP HILL, AND OVER PLOUGHED LAND!"
Young Nimrod. "ALL RIGHT, OLD COCK! DON'T YOU TEACH YOUR GRANDMOTHER TO SUCK EGGS! THERE'S MY MAN BY THE HAY-STACK WITH MY SECOND HORSE!"
NOT WHAT HE WANTED.
MR. HAYCOCK, HAVING HEARD OF THE MERITS OF BRUISED OATS FOR HORSES, REQUESTS HIS FRIEND BRIGGS TO SEND HIM A COUPLE OF "BRUISERS."
MR. BRIGGS DESPATCHES THE "WHITECHAPEL CHICKEN" AND THE "BAYSWATER SLASHER."
WAITING FOR A DIP.
Proprietor of Machine (loq.). "SORRY TO KEEP YOU SUCH A LONG TIME A WAITIN', SIR; BUT REALLY THEY STOP IN SUCH A TIME THAT WE HAVEN'T A MACHINE TO BLESS OURSELVES WITH. THERE'S CRUMPTON'S COTTAGES HAS BEEN IN THE WATER THIS THREE-QUARTERS OF AN HOUR; AND ALBION HOUSE TAKES THE LONGEST TIME TO DRESS OF ANY GENT I EVER SEE. OH! HERE'S PROSPECT PLACE A COMING HOUT. NOW YOU CAN GO IN, SIR."
JUST LIKE HIM.
MR. BR—GGS (We suppress the Gentleman's name for obvious reasons) THINKS HE WILL GO TO HAMPTON RACES.
THE BROOK-GREEN VOLUNTEER.