NOTHING LIKE KNOWING THE COUNTRY.
Huntsman (to Officer going Abroad). "PLEASE BE SO GOOD, SIR, AS GIVE MY RESPECTS TO MASTER HARRY."
Officer. "OH! BUT MY BROTHER IS IN THE WEST INDIES, AND I AM GOING TO THE EAST."
Huntsman. "MAYHAP YOU'LL MEET AT T'COVER SIDE ALL THE SAME, SIR."
COOL ASSURANCE.
Undergraduate. "YOU DON'T OBJECT TO SMOKING, I HOPE?"
Old Party (probably a Director). "YES, SIR. I OBJECT VERY MUCH INDEED! IN FACT, I HAVE THE STRONGEST OBJECTION TO SMOKING!!!"
Undergraduate. "HM! HA! SOME PEOPLE HAVE."
FASHIONS FOR FAST MEN.
Tom. "WHICH DO YOU LIKE BEST FOR TROUSERS, BILL, CHECKS OR STRIPES?"
Bill. "WELL, I THINK CHECKS ARE UNCOMMON SUPERIOR, BUT STRIPES IS MOST NOBBY."
THOSE SHOCKING CLUBS.
Charley (who is rather addicted to betting). "—AND TALKING OF GOODWOOD RACES, WE'VE GOT SUCH A JOLLY SWEEP AT OUR CLUB!"
Constance. "A SWEEP, CHARLES!—WELL! I NEVER THOUGHT MUCH OF YOUR CLUB FRIENDS, BUT I DIDN'T THINK YOU ASSOCIATED WITH PEOPLE OF THAT SORT!"
IN A VERY BAD WAY.
"WHY, YOU SEEM QUITE WRETCHED, FRANK!"
"WRETCHED, MY BOY! AH, YOU MAY IMAGINE HOW WRETCHED I AM, WHEN I TELL YOU I DON'T EVEN CARE HOW MY TWOWSERS ARE MADE!"
THE PERILS OF A COURT PRESENTATION.
FRIGHTFUL.
Clara. "WELL, ROSE, DEAR, AND HOW DO YOU FEEL AFTER THE PARTY?"
Rose. "OH, PRETTY WELL; ONLY I HAVE HAD SUCH A HORRID DREAM! DO YOU KNOW, I DREAMT THAT THAT GREAT STUPID CAPTAIN DRAWLER UPSET A DISH OF TRIFLE OVER MY NEW LACE DRESS WITH THE BLUE SLIP?"
TRUTH IS GREAT.
Unsophisticated Little Girl. "NOW, YOU A'DONE, BILLY. IF YOU AIN'T QUIET DIRECTLY, I'LL GIVE YER TO THIS GREAT, BIG HUGLY MAN!"
A DELUSION.
Dean. "WELL, SIR?"
Small University Man (under the impression that he has irritated the Dean by his conspicuous moustachios). "I BELIEVE YOU WANTED TO SPEAK TO ME, SIR, ABOUT—ABOUT—MY MOUSTACHIOS!"
Dean. "SOME MISTAKE, SIR! I DIDN'T PERCEIVE THAT YOU HAD ANY!"
MISPLACED CONFIDENCE.
Exquisite (to the Mamma of Performer). "WHAT A PITY THAT GURL'S FRIENDS DON'T TAKE HER AWAY FROM THAT PIANO. SHE'S NOT BAD LOOKING, BUT SHE HAS GOT A VOICE LIKE A PEACOCK!!!"
A CAPITAL OFFER.
"I SAY, GRANNY! CHARLEY SUMMERS AND I ARE GOING TO TAKE LION OUT IN A BOAT FOR A SWIM—NOW IF YOU'LL GIVE ME A SHILLING WE WILL TAKE YOU AND THE GIRLS OUT FOR A ROW!"
THE TOO FAITHFUL PORTRAIT.
Georgina (in riding habit). "WELL, DEAR! I DECLARE IT'S THE VERY IMAGE OF YOU! I NEVER!"
Sarah Jane (who insists upon seeing the plate). "LIKE ME? FOR GOODNESS' SAKE DON'T BE RIDICULOUS, GEORGINA. I THINK IT'S PERFECTLY ABSURD! WHY, IT HAS GIVEN ME A STUPID LITTLE TURN-UP NOSE, AND A MOUTH THAT'S ABSOLUTELY ENORMOUS!"
DREADFUL DESTITUTION.
First. "MY DEAR FRANK—WHAT IS THE MATTER, OLD BOY?"
Second. "OH! I AM DISTRESSED TO DEATH ABOUT MONEY MATTERS—I DON'T KNOW WHAT I SHALL DO? WHY, HERE'S JENNY LIND COMING OUT ON THURSDAY, AND I POSITIVELY HAVEN'T THE MONEY TO PAY FOR A BOX!"
A PLEDGE OF AFFECTION.
Angelina. "WILL MY DARLING EDWIN GRANT HIS ANGELINA A BOON?"
Edwin. "IS THERE ANYTHING ON EARTH HER EDWIN WOULD NOT DO FOR HIS PET?—NAME THE BOON, OH, DEAREST—NAME IT!"
Angelina. "THEN, LOVE, AS WE DINE BY OURSELVES TO-MORROW, LET US, OH! LET US HAVE ROAST PORK, WITH PLENTY OF SAGE AND ONIONS!"
VERY PARTICULAR.
First Railway Porter. "WHAT DOES HE SAY, BILL?"
Second ditto. "WHY, HE SAYS HE MUST HAVE A COMPARTMENT TO HISSELF, BECAUSE HE CAN'T GET ON WITHOUT HIS SMOKE!"
MOUSTACHE MOVEMENT.—No. I.
Gent. "I SAY, MOSEY! WHY DON'T YER GO THE 'OLE 'OG, AND LET ALL YER BEARD GROW, LIKE ME?"
OUR BOYS.
Master Tom (to Old Lady who is very nervous about fire). "IT'S ALL RIGHT, GRANMA! MY CANDLE IS OUT. I'M ONLY SMOKING MY USUAL WEED!"
USEFUL, IF NOT ORNAMENTAL.
Master Alfred (an ingenious Boy). "LOOK HERE, WALTER! SEE WHAT A JOLLY TARGET OLD AUNT BETSY'S ROUND HAT MAKES."
A BACK VIEW.
"NOW, CHARLEY! HERE'S THAT PRETTY ROUND HAT AGAIN—WE WILL HAVE A LOOK AT HER THIS TIME."
SERVANTGALISM; OR, WHAT'S TO BECOME OF THE MISSUSES?—No. I.
Servant Gal. "OH! IF YOU PLEASE, MAM, THERE WAS ONE OTHER THINK I SHOULD LIKE TO 'AVE SETTLED."
Lady. "YES?"
Gal. "WHERE DO YOU GO TO THE SEA-SIDE IN THE SUMMER? BECAUSE I COULDN'T STOP AT A DULL PLACE AND WHERE THE HAIR WASN'T VERY BRACING!"
OH!
Lady. "YOU DON'T MEAN TO TELL ME, MARY, THAT MY NEW CRYSTAL MILK JUG IS BRO——!"
Mary. "YES, 'M, IT'S THE ORKERDEST JUG AS HEVER I SEE—IT JEST TOOK AND TUMBLED RIGHT OFF ITS 'ANDLE!! WHICH IT'S LEFT ITS 'ANDLE IN MY 'AND, 'M."
NOTHING LIKE SYSTEM.
"AW! PUMMELL, WHAT DO I OWE YOU?"
"OH! NOT MUCH, SIR. IT'S OF NO CONSEQUENCE."
"AW! NO. BUT I THINK OF TAKING THE BENEFIT OF THE ACT ABOUT CHRISTMAS; AND AS A MAN OF SYSTEM, I AM VERY PARTICULAR ABOUT EXACT AMOUNTS."
PUNCTUALITY IS THE SOUL OF BUSINESS.
"NO-O-O. GOOD-NIGHT, OLD CHAP! BUSINESS IS THE SOUL OF PUNCTUALITY. I MUST GO NOW. I'VE GOT SOME BUSI-BUSINESS TO ATTEND TO—(hic)—LET-TERS TO—WRITE!"
A LARGE BUMP OF CAUTION.
Flora. "OH, LET US SIT HERE, AUNT. THE BREEZE IS SO DELIGHTFUL."
Aunt. "YES, DOVE!—IT'S VERY NICE, I DARE SAY; BUT I WON'T COME ANY NEARER TO THE CLIFF, FOR I AM ALWAYS AFRAID OF SLIPPING THROUGH THOSE RAILINGS!"
HEART-BREAKING.
Philanthropist. "WHAT NOW, MY MAN?"
Street Boy. "THEY'VE BEEN AND GONE AND SPIKED MY PEA-SHOOTER!"
A VICTIM OF PLEASURE.
"WHAT A STUNNING MEERSCHAUM YOU'VE GOT THERE, CHARLEY!"
"YES, I THINK IT WILL BE HANDSOME BY THE TIME I'VE PROPERLY COLOURED IT."
A YOUNG PHILOSOPHER.
First Butcher-Boy. "SO THEY'VE DONE AWAY WITH SMITHFEL!"
Second Butcher-Boy. "AH! THEY'LL SOON BE BOWLING OUT HALL OUR OLD INSTITOOSHUNS."
AQUATICS.
Flora. "WELL, BUT, TOMMY! DO YOU THINK YOU CAN ROW BOTH OF US?"
Tommy (who fancies himself a perfect Athlete in high condition). "ROW YOU! WHY, JUST YOU LOOK HERE; HERE'S A BICEPS MUSCLE FOR YOU!"
SERVANTGALISM.—No. II.
Housemaid. "WELL, SOOSAN, I'VE MADE UP MY MIND NOT TO STOP 'ERE NO LONGER TO WORK LIKE NEGROES AS WE DO!"
Cook. "NOR I, NUTHER! BUT JUST TURN THE MEAT, WILL YOU, PLEASE, THE WHILST I FINISH MY CROCHET?"
IMPROVEMENT IN IRISH AFFAIRS.
"WHOO!—WILL ANY JINTLEMAN BE SO ENGAGIN' AS TO THREAD ON THE TAIL OF ME REGISTHERED PALLYTOE?"
SERVANTGALISM.—No. III.
Old Lady. "WHAT IS IT, BOY?"
Boy. "PLEASE'M—IT'S A PAIR OF WHITE SATING SHOES, AND THE LADY'S FAN WOT'S BIN MENDED—NAME OF MISS JULIER PEARLASH!"
Old Lady. "MISS!!!!!?????"
Voice from the Area. "OH, IT'S ALL RIGHT, MUM. IT'S ME!"
AN IRISH HOTEL.
Traveller. "HOLLO! WHAT THE DEUCE ARE YOU ABOUT WITH THAT GRIDIRON?"
Chambermaid. "TO BE SURE, IT'S YER HONOUR'S BED I'M WARMING; AND AIN'T OUR WARMING-PAN ENGAGED FRYING SAUSAGES?"
SERVANTGALISM.—No. IV.
Servant Gal. "WELL, MAM—HEVERYTHINK CONSIDERED—I'M AFRAID YOU WONT SUIT ME. I'VE ALWAYS BIN BROUGHT UP GENTEEL; AND I COULDN'T GO NOWHERES WHERE THERE AIN'T NO FOOTMAN KEP'."
SERVANTGALISM.—No. V.
Servant Gal (who has quarrelled with her bread-and-butter). "IF YOU PLEASE, MA'AM, I FIND THERE'S COLD MEAT FOR DINNER IN THE KITCHEN, DID YOU EXPECT ME TO EAT IT?"
Lady. "OF COURSE I EXPECT YOU TO EAT IT, AND AN EXCELLENT DINNER, TOO."
Servant. "OH, THEN, IF YOU PLEASE'M, I SHOULD LIKE TO LEAVE THIS DAY WEEK."
SMALL BY DEGREES, AND BEAUTIFULLY LESS.
Shopman. "OH, I BEG YOUR PARDON, SIR—BUT THE LADY LEFT HER PARASOL ON THE COUNTER!"
Swell. "HAW! YA—AS—NO! THAT IS, IT'S MY UMBRELLAW. THANKS! BY JOVE! HAW!"
THE MOUSTACHE MOVEMENT.—No. II.
"MY EYE, TOM, WHAT A 'ORRID BORE IT MUST BE FOR THE HORFICER SWELLS, NOW WE'VE TOOK TO WEARIN' OUR MOOSTARCHERS. THE GALS CAN'T TELL US FROM THEM, NOW!"
BATTLEDORE AND SHUTTLECOCK.
THE POPULAR AND AMUSING GAME AS AT PRESENT PLAYED IN THE PRINCIPAL THOROUGHFARES.
A PLEASING DELUSION.
Smith. "HOLLO! POSTER, AIN'T YOU PRECIOUS DRUNK, RATHER?"
Post Boy. "DRUNK! NOT A BIT OF IT."
SERVANTGALISM.—No. VI.
Lady. "WISH TO LEAVE? WHY, I THOUGHT, THOMPSON, YOU WERE VERY COMFORTABLE WITH ME!"
Thompson (who is extremely refined). "HOH YES, MAM! I DON'T FIND NO FAULT WITH YOU, MAM—NOR YET WITH MASTER—BUT THE TRUTH HIS, MAM—THE HOTHER SERVANTS IS SO 'ORRID VULGAR, AND HIGNORANT, AND SPEAKS SO HUNGRAMMATICAL, THAT I REELY CANNOT LIVE IN THE SAME 'OUSE WITH 'EM—AND I SHOULD LIKE TO GO THIS DAY MONTH, IF SO BE HAS IT WON'T ILLCONVENIENCE YOU!"
HOW TO ESCAPE FROM A SCOLDING WIFE.
Patient (inhaling Ether). "THIS IS REALLY QUITE DELIGHTFUL—A MOST BEAUTIFUL DREAM."
A BIT OF HIS MIND.
Edward (to his Military Cousin). "NO! I SHAN'T! I SHAN'T GO AND SHOOT BLACKBIRDS; AND I TELL YOU WHAT, MASTER CHARLEY, YOU DRAGOON SWELLS WON'T HAVE QUITE SUCH A PULL UPON US CIVILIANS NOW, FOR WE ARE ALL GOING TO GROW BEARDS AND MOUSTACHIOS."
HOW TO GET A CONNECTION.
Shopman (to Ancient Party). "YES, MISS—THANK YOU, MISS—IS THERE ANY OTHER ARTICLE, MISS?—CAN WE SEND IT FOR YOU, MISS?"
SERVANTGALISM.—No. VII.
'Ousemaid (from Town). "IS HANN JENKINS AT HOME?"
Suburban Cook. "NO, SHE HAS JUST GONE TO HER MILLINER'S!"
'Ousemaid. "THEN GIVE HER MY CARD, PLEASE, AND SAY, I 'OPE SHE GOT HOME SAFELY FROM THE BALL."
AN ALARMING MESSAGE.
"IF YOU PLEASE, SIR, MOTHER'S TOOK THE LOTION, AND RUBBED HER LEG WITH THE MIXTURE!"
A MISTAKEN IMPRESSION.
First Young Lady. "OH, DEAR. HOW DULL THE OLD TOWN IS, NOW ALL THE OFFICERS ARE GONE ABROAD!"
Second ditto (a trifle older). "H'M—FOR MY PART, I'M VERY GLAD THEY'RE GONE, FOR THEY WERE ALWAYS FOLLOWING ONE ABOUT!"
TOUCHING SIMPLICITY.
Little Wife (eagerly opening the door for dear Edwin). "OH, SEE, DEAR, WHAT I HAVE FOR YOU—I'M SURE UNCLE HAS GOT YOU AN APPOINTMENT UNDER GOVERNMENT AT LAST—FOR HERE'S A LETTER MARKED IMMEDIATE, AND 'ON HER MAJESTY'S SERVICE!'"
AN AGED JUVENILE.
Miss Flora Macfungus. "I DARESAY YOU THINK ME A VERY ODD GIRL; AND, INDEED, MAMMA SAYS I'M A GIDDY, THOUGHTLESS CREATURE, AND"—
Partner. "OH, HERE'S A VACANT SEAT, I THINK."
JUDICIOUS!
"STAND ON MY HEAD, MARM, FOR A PENNY."
"NO, LITTLE BOY—THERE IS A PENNY FOR KEEPING RIGHT END UPWARDS."
GOOD REASONS.
Railway Official. "YOU'D BETTER NOT SMOKE, SIR!"
Traveller. "THAT'S WHAT MY FRIENDS SAY."
Railway Official. "BUT YOU MUSN'T SMOKE, SIR!"
Traveller. "SO MY DOCTOR TELLS ME."
Railway Official (indignantly). "BUT YOU SHAN'T SMOKE, SIR!"
Traveller. "AH! JUST WHAT MY WIFE SAYS."
QUITE A NOVELTY.
Amiable Experimentalist. "MAKES A DELICIOUS SIDE-DISH, DOESN'T IT? BUT IT IS NOT THE COMMON MUSHROOM; IT'S A LARGE FUNGUS CALLED THE AGARICUS PROCERUS. IT GROWS SOLITARY IN HEDGE-ROWS, IS CALLED COLUBRINUS, FROM THE SNAKE-LIKE MARKINGS ON ITS STEM. THE PILEUS IS COVERED WITH SCALES, WHICH ARE FORMED BY THE BREAKING-UP OF THE MUD-COLOURED EPIDERMIS. AND——
A VICTIM OF CIRCUMSTANCES.
Old Gentleman. "WHY, FREDERICK, WHAT A DISGRACEFUL STATE YOU'RE IN, SIR!—WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?"
Frederick. "COULDN'T—GET A SEAT—SO—I'VE BEEN—TO—TH'—CLUB."
EFFECTS OF SALT WATER, AS OBSERVED AT THE REGATTA BALL.
— Weatherspoon, Esq. (of the Oriana, R.V.S.). "I SAY, TOM, WHAT'S THAT LITTLE CRAFT WITH THE BLACK VELVET FLYING AT THE FORE, CLOSE UNDER THE LEE-SCUPPERS OF THE MAN-OF-WAR?"
Honourable Binnacle (of the Matilda, R.V.Y.C.). "WHY, FROM HER FORE AND AFT RIG, AND THE CUT OF HER MAINSAIL, I SHOULD SAY SHE'S DOWN FROM THE PORT OF LONDON; BUT I'LL SIGNAL THE COMMODORE TO COME AND INTRODUCE US."
TERRIBLE ACCIDENT.
"WE KNEW HOW IT WOULD BE—GIRLS HOLDING THOSE GREAT ROUND HATS OVER THEIR EYES, SO THAT THEY CAN'T SEE WHERE THEY ARE GOING.—WHY HERE'S FLORA PLUMLEY RUN RIGHT INTO THE ARMS OF THAT YOUNG HORACE SPANKER, WHO HASN'T A PENNY."—Extract from our Aunt's Letter.
OFF THE FORELAND.
Old Lady (loquitur). "NOW, MY GOOD MAN, I HOPE YOU ARE SURE IT WOULD REALLY DO ME GOOD, BECAUSE I CANNOT TOUCH IT BUT AS MEDICINE!"
MEMORIALS OF THE GREAT EXHIBITION.—1851.
No. I.—CROWDED STATE OF LODGING-HOUSES.
Lodging-house Keeper. "ON'Y THIS ROOM TO LET, MEM. A FOUR POST—A TENT—AND A VERY COMFORTABLE DOUBLE-BEDDED CHEST OF DRAWERS FOR THE YOUNG GENTLEMEN."
No. III.—PUZZLED VISITORS.
"MON DIEU, ALPHONSE! REGARDEZ-DONC. COMMENT APPELLE-T-ON CETTE MACHINE LÀ?"
"TIENS, C'EST DRÔLE—MAIS JE NE SAIS PAS."
No. IV.—WONDERFUL OBJECTS.
A GENTLEMAN FROM THE COUNTRY MISTAKES THE CRYSTAL SENT BY THE DUKE OF DEVONSHIRE FOR THE KOH-I-NOOR DIAMOND.
MEMORIALS OF THE GREAT EXHIBITION.—1851
No. V.—THEATRICAL DEPRESSION.
Manager. "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN—A—I MEAN RESPECTED INDIVIDUAL,—IN CONSEQUENCE OF THE GREAT ATTRACTION OF THE EXHIBITION OF CRYSTAL PALACE, I BEG TO ANNOUNCE TO YOU THAT THIS RIDICULOUS FARCE OF OPENING MY THEATRE WILL NOT BE REPEATED; AND YOUR ORDER WILL BE RETURNED TO YOU ON APPLICATION AT THE BOX-OFFICE."
VI.—A STAGGERER FOR AN EXCURSIONIST.
Foreigner (with profuse gesticulation). "PARDON, M'SIEU! FAUT-IL ALLER A DROITE, A GAUCHE, OU EN FACE, POUR ME RENDRE À PEEK-A-PEEK-A-DELEE?" (Piccadilly.)
No. VIII.—AWFUL RESULT OF GIVING A SEASON TICKET TO YOUR WIFE.
Mary. "PLEASE, SIR, COOK'S GONE OUT FOR A HOLIDAY; AND MISSUS DIDN'T SAY NOTHING ABOUT NO DINNER, SIR. MISSUS WENT EARLY TO THE EXHIBITION WITH SOME LUNCH IN A BASKET, AND SAID SHE SHOULDN'T BE HOME UNTIL TEA TIME."
MEMORIALS OF THE GREAT EXHIBITION.—1851.
No. X.—A DELICATE ATTENTION.
AN OLD GENTLEMAN, ANXIOUS THAT HIS WIFE SHOULD POSSESS SOME TRIFLE FROM THE GREAT EXHIBITION, PURCHASES (AMONGST OTHER THINGS) THE STUFFED ELEPHANT, AND THE MODEL OF THE DODO.
MEMORIALS OF THE GREAT EXHIBITION.—1851.
No. XI.—NEW FASHIONS.
Hatter. "YOU COULDN'T HAVE A MORE BECOMING HAT, SIR—AND THEY'LL BE A GREAT DEAL WORN AT THE OPENING OF THE EXHIBITION."
No. XII.—SINCERE GRIEF AT THE DESTRUCTION OF THE CRYSTAL PALACE.
Omnibus Man. "OH, WHAT A HORRID SHAME TO PULL DOWN SUCH A B-B-B-BE-AUTIFUL B-B-B-UILDING!"
MEMORIALS OF THE GREAT EXHIBITION.—1851.
No. XIV.—AN INTERESTING COUPLE.
THEY CAN'T THINK WHERE MAMMA CAN HAVE GOT TO—THEY HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR HER EVERYWHERE.
No. XV.—REFRESHMENT ROOM.
Visitor. "PINT O' BEER, MISS, PLEASE."
Miss. "DON'T KEEP IT. YOU CAN HAVE A STRAWBERRY ICE AND A WAFER."
MEMORIALS OF THE GREAT EXHIBITION.—1851.
No. XVIII.—DINING-ROOMS.
Waiter (to Chinaman). "VERY NICE BIRD'S-NEST SOUP, SIR?—YES, SIR!—RAT PIE, SIR, JUST UP—YES, SIR!—AND A NICE LITTLE DOG TO FOLLER—YES, SIR!"
MEMORIALS OF THE GREAT EXHIBITION.—1851.
No. XIX.
HERE YOU HAVE A REPRESENTATION OF THAT NOBLE CHARACTER, THE BRITISH MERCHANT, TAKING LEAVE OF HIS SENSES—AND HIS BUSINESS—TO LOUNGE ABOUT THE CRYSTAL PALACE.
MEMORIALS OF THE GREAT EXHIBITION.—1851.
No. XXIV.
FANCY PORTRAIT OF THE GENTLEMAN WHO HAS BEEN
HONOURABLY MENTIONED BY PRINCE ALBERT!
"HONOURABLY MENTIONED, INDEED! IS THAT ALL? SCANDALOUS!"
MEMORIALS OF THE GREAT EXHIBITION.—1851.
MEMORIALS OF THE GREAT EXHIBITION—1851.
FROM THE MINING DISTRICTS.
Assiduous Young Curate. "WELL, THEN, I DO HOPE I SHALL HAVE THE PLEASURE OF SEEING BOTH OF YOU NEXT SUNDAY!"
Miner. "OI, THEE MAY'ST COAM IF 'E WULL. WE FOIGHT ON THE CROFT, AND OLD JOE TANNER BRINGS TH' BEER."
WHAT WILL HE DO WITH THEM?
Youthful Costermonger. "NOW THEN, GUV'NER, 'AVE THE LAST ROPE FOR A PENNY!"
RAILWAY MISERIES.
Porter. "IS THIS YOUR LUGGAGE, SIR?"
Piscator. "CONFOUND IT, NO! WE WANT SOME FISHING-RODS, A CAN OF LIVE-BAIT, AND A HAMPER."
Porter. "OH—DO YOU, SIR? WHY, THEY'RE GONE ON TO BRISTOL."
SERVANTGALISM; OR, WHAT'S TO BECOME OF THE MISSUSES?—No. VIII.
Cook. "WELL, TO BE SURE, MUM! LAST PLACE I WERE IN, MISSIS ALWAYS KNOCKED AT THE DOOR AFORE SHE COME INTO MY KITCHEN!!"
PRUDENCE AND IMPRUDENCE.
Old Gentleman. "A VERY NASTY JUMP, THAT! I SHALL GO ROUND BY SHUFFLER'S BOTTOM."
Juvenile. "COME ALONG, OLD MAN! FOLLOW ME, AND I'LL SHOW YOU ALL THE SPORT."
COUNTRY RACES.
GENTLEMEN RIDERS, WHO ARE SO LIKE PROFESSIONAL JOCKS, YOU CAN HARDLY TELL THE DIFFERENCE!
FRIENDLY, BUT VERY UNPLEASANT.
Lively Party (charging ELDERLY GENTLEMAN with his umbrella). "HULLO, JONES!"
AN EASY FORECAST.
Gipsy. "HAVE YOUR FORTUNE TOLD, MY PRETTY GENTLEMAN?"
Pretty Gent. "OH! LAWK! DON'T MENTION IT!"
GOING OUT ARRESTING.
"VELL, AARON, MY TEAR, 'AVE YER 'AD ANY SPORT?"
"PRETTY VELL. I'VE BAGGED FOUR ALLOTTEES AND TWO PROVISIONALS."
A GREAT MISFORTUNE.
First Juvenile (in Cab). "WELL, CHARLEY, HAVE YOU HAD IT OUT WITH THE OLD BOY?"
Second Juvenile. "YA—AS; AND—AW—WHAT DO YOU THINK THE UNDUTIFUL OLD GOVERNOR SA—AYS?"
First Juvenile. "HAVEN'T THE LEAST ID—EAW."
Second Juvenile. "WHY, HE SA—AYS I MUST DO SOMETHING TO GET MY OWN LIVING!"
First Juvenile. "OH LAW! WHAT A HORRID BAW!"
WHERE IGNORANCE IS NOT BLISS.
Engineer. "DON'T BE ALARMED, MA'AM, IT'S ONLY A DUMPY LEVELLER."
Old Lady. "LAW! DEAR NOW! WELL, I'M SURE I THOUGHT IT WAS A BLUNDERBUST. BUT DON'T FIRE IT OFF, YOUNG MAN, TILL I'M GOT BY, FOR I WAS ALWAYS TERRIBLE FEARED OF GUNS."
MARCH OF LUXURY.
Customer. "HI! JAMES."
Potboy. "NOW THEN, WHAT IS IT?"
Customer. "JUST POP MY ARF-AN-ARF IN THE HICE FOR A MINIT. THAT'S A GOOD LAD."
COMPLIMENTS.
First Cabby (who is run up against). "NOW, THEN! 'VHERE DID YOU PICK UP THAT OLD STRAWBERRY POTTLE YOU CALLS A CAB?"
Second Cabby (who retorts). "SAME PLACE WHERE YER FOUND THAT BIT OF OLD RAG YER CALLS A 'ORSE."
VISIT TO THE ANTEDILUVIAN REPTILES AT SYDENHAM—MASTER TOM STRONGLY OBJECTS TO HAVING HIS MIND IMPROVED.
A HORRIBLE IDEA.
First Languid Swell. "GOOD GWACIOUS, ALFRED! ARE YOU ILL?"
Second ditto, ditto (gasping). "ILL! AW! YES! NO! I SHALL BE ALL RIGHT DIRECTLY. BUT—I—CONFESS—THE—SIGHT OF THAT FEMALE'S UMBRELLAW—COMPLETELY—FLAWED ME—MY DEAR CHARLES—CONCEIVE BEING OBLIGED TO CARRY—BUT NO, THE THOUGHT IS—TOO HORRIBLE!"