IMITATION IS THE SINCEREST FLATTERY.
Jules (who affects English manners and customs). "GOOD—A—BY, OLE BOY! I GO TO MAKE A PROMENADE IN MY TO-CAR."
(Which being interpreted means that Jules is going for a drive in his Dog-Cart.)
VERY ODD!
Lecturer on Electro-Biology. "NOW, SIR! YOU CAN'T JUMP OVER THAT STICK! AHEM!"
Subject. "JUMP? EH! UGH! LOR BLESS ME, JUMP! NO, I KNOW I CAN'T—NEVER COULD JUMP—UGH!"
[Thunders of applause from the Gentlemen in the cane-bottom chairs—(i.e. believers).
A TENDER POINT.
Irish Jarvie (with much excitement). "NOT FAST ENOUGH! IS IT? OH THIN, YER 'ONOR, JIST JUMP UP, TILL I TIRRIFY YE THE WAY I'LL ROWL ALONG!"
STUMPED OUT.
Apothecary's Boy (to party rather proud of his Horsemanship). "I SAY, MISTER, MIND WHAT YOU'RE AT, OR YOU'LL BE OFF THE SHOPBOARD!"
A GENEROUS OFFER.
Small Sweeper (to Crimean Hero). "NOW, CAPTAIN, GIVE US A COPPER, AND I'LL SEE YER SAFE OVER THE CROSSING!"
A QUIET LOOK AT THE COUNTRY.
Frank. "THERE, CHARLEY! WE HAVE A GOOD MANY OF THOSE LITTLE DOUBLES HERE; BUT, BLESS YOU! OUR HORSES THINK NOTHING OF 'EM!"
Charley (who is not to be beaten). "HA, I SEE!—NICE CLEAN JUMPING! NOW, IN OUR COUNTRY THE FENCES ARE BIG AND CRAMPED!"
WHILST
PLEASING DELUSION. IN RE THE ROUND HATS.
Female. "WELL! THERE CAN BE NO QUESTION ABOUT ONE THING!—THEY CERTAINLY DO MAKE YOU LOOK YOUNGER!"
THE ROUND HAT AGAIN.
Mrs. Popps. "WELL, WHAT I SAY IS, THEY ARE VERY BECOMING—AND UNCOMMON COMFORTABLE?"
OH! WHAT A HUMBUG!
Amelia. "MAMMA, DEAR! HERE'S A NOTE FROM DEAR WILLIAM, WITH A BOX FOR THE OPERA, I SHOULDN'T WONDER." (Reads):—"My darling Amelia, Circumstances over which I have no control will take me as far as Greenwich. I have left my Latch-key—please to get it from the Waistcoat I took off, and send it by the Bearer to your ever affectionate Kidums."
A PEACE CONFERENCE.
Flora. "OH, I AM SO GLAD—DEAR HARRIET—THERE IS A CHANCE OF PEACE—I AM MAKING THESE SLIPPERS AGAINST DEAR ALFRED COMES BACK!"
Cousin Tom. "HAH, WELL!—I AIN'T QUITE SO ANXIOUS ABOUT PEACE—FOR, YOU SEE, SINCE THOSE SOLDIER CHAPS HAVE BEEN ABROAD, WE CIVILIANS HAVE HAD IT PRETTY MUCH OUR OWN WAY WITH THE GURLS!"
A POSER.
Darling. "OH, MAMMA, DEAR! WHAT SPLENDID FLOWERS!"
Mamma. "YES, DEAR, PUT IT DOWN. THAT IS MY WREATH. I'M GOING TO THE OPERA!"
Darling. "OH! AND WHEN I GROW A BIG LADY, MAY I WEAR A WREATH, AND GO TO THE OPERA?"
Mamma. "WELL, DEAR, I HOPE SO!"
Darling. "WHAT, AND TAKE MY BEAUTIFUL VELVET AND GOLD CHURCH SERVICE UNCLE CHARLES GAVE ME?"
AN OBJECT OF ATTRACTION.
BOWKER, WHO IS FOND OF NICE THINGS FOR BREAKFAST, AND SOMETIMES MARKETS FOR HIMSELF, BECOMES AN OBJECT OF INTEREST FROM HAVING LAID IN A FEW BLOATERS, AND HALF-A-POUND OF FRESH CAMBRIDGE SAUSAGES, FROM BOND STREET—AND WHICH SAUSAGES AND BLOATERS ARE IN HIS COAT-POCKET.
A STRONG-BACKED CAR. SCENE—IRELAND.
Tourist. "WELL, BUT MY GOOD FELLOW, YOU CAN'T CARRY US, AND ALL OUR LUGGAGE!"
Car Driver. "OGH, NIVER FEAR, YER 'ONOUR, SHURE I'D CARRY TWICED AS MUCH!"
THE NEW PURCHASE.
Mr. Muff. "BUT—THEY SAID HE WAS WELL KNOWN IN THIS HUNT!"
Farmer. "OH, YES—AND SO HE IS VERY WELL KNOWN. HE'S BROKE MORE COLLAR BONES THAN ALL THE 'OSSES IN ENGLAND."
AQUATIC MANOEUVRES.
BY MUCH THE PLEASANTEST WAY OF SEA-BATHING IS TO TAKE A BOAT, AND HAVE A GOOD SWIM IN THE CLEAR BLUE WATER—AND ISN'T IT NICE SCRAMBLING INTO THE BOAT AGAIN! EH?
A PAINFUL SUBJECT.
Lieutenant Fopson (of the 121st, to his Elder Brother, who is home for the Holidays).—"A-SAY, OLD FELLAH!—DON'T YOU WISH YOU HAD LEFT SCHOOL?—IT MUST BE SUCH A HORRID BAW TO BE FLOGGED FOR SMOKING!"
THE NEW REGULATION MESS.
Swell Soldier. "WHAT, DINE OFF WOAST AND BOILED, JUST LIKE SNOBS—NO!—BY JOVE!—I SHALL CUT THE ARMY, AND GO INTO THE CHURCH!"
THE GREAT TOBACCO CONTROVERSY.
Clara (emphatically). "I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY, FRANK—I SHALL ALWAYS THINK IT A NASTY, ODIOUS, DIRTY, FILTHY, DISGUSTING, AND MOST OBJECTIONABLE HABIT!"
Frank. "HAW!—NOW, I'M REALLY SURPRISED, CLARA, TO HEAR SUCH A CLEVER GIRL AS YOU ARE RUNNING DOWN SMOKING IN SUCH STRONG LANGUAGE—FOR IT'S ADMITTED, BY ALL SENSIBLE PEOPLE, YOU KNOW, THAT IT'S THE ABUSE OF TOBACCO THAT'S WRONG!"
[Which little bit of sophistry completely vanquishes CLARA.
A YOUTHFUL SAGE.
Studious Boy. "JOHNNY!—I ADVISE YOU NOT TO BE A GOOD BOY!"
Johnny. "WHY?"
Studious Boy. "BECAUSE IN BOOKS ALL GOOD BOYS DIE, YOU KNOW!"
ASTONISHING A YOUNG ONE.
Dick (to little Brother). "HAH! THIS IS ONE OF THE DISAGREEABLES IN BEING GROWN UP. WHY, BLESS YOU, IF I DIDN'T SHAVE TWICE A DAY THIS WARM WEATHER, I SHOULD NOT BE FIT TO BE SEEN!"
MONSTERS OF THE POOL.
MASTER GEORGE AND THE DRAGON-FLIES. AS THEY APPEARED TO HIS EXCITED IMAGINATION WHEN HE WAS OUT FISHING THE OTHER DAY.
THE HUMOURS OF THE STREET.
Delightful Boy. "OH! LOOK 'ERE, JIM! HERE'S A SWELL—LET'S FRIGHTEN 'IS 'ORSE!"
CAUTION TO TRAVELLERS.
NEVER GO TO SLEEP WHILE YOU ARE HAVING YOUR HAIR CUT IN PARIS, OR IT MAY BE CUT IN THE FIRST STYLE OF FASHION!
EXCURSION BOAT, AFTER A RATHER BOISTEROUS PASSAGE, ARRIVES AT 2.30 P.M.
Ticket Collector (without any feeling). "TICKETS, SIR! THANKYE, SIR! BOAT RETURNS AT 3!"
IMPERTINENT CURIOSITY.
Military Man. "WELL! WHAT ARE YER A STARIN' AT?—AIN'T YER NEVER SEED A SODGER BEFORE?"
IN CAMP.
Juvenile (à propos of Highlander in sentry-box). "OH! MY WIG, CHARLEY, WHAT A JOLLY JACK-IN-THE-GREEN HE'D MAKE!"
THE QUADRILLE IN HOT WEATHER.
Stout Party (who suffers much from heat, and has in vain attempted to conceal himself). "OH, I BELIEVE WE ARE ENGAGED FOR THIS DANCE. I'VE BEEN—THAT IS—I'VE—EH?—I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU—A—A—EVERYWHERE—PHEW!"
OH YES, OF COURSE.
Lizzie. "OH, MR. POFFLES, I FIND I HAVE MADE A MISTAKE—I SEE I WAS ENGAGED FOR THIS DANCE."
FEMININE AMENITIES.
Sensitive Party. "WHO IS THAT GIRL WITH THE NEZ RETROUSSÉ?"
Amiable Party (who has rather a prominent beak). "NEZ RETROUSSÉ! DO YOU MEAN THAT GIRL WITH THE PUG NOSE?"
A LITTLE SURPRISE FOR MUGGINS.
"LARK! I SAY! WHAT'LL MY OLD MAN THINK WHEN HE SEE ME IN THIS 'ERE 'AT?"
RESULT OF ALLOWING LADIES TO WITNESS RAREY'S HORSE-TAMING EXHIBITION.
Mrs. Blanch. "I ASSURE YOU, MY LOVE, HE IS COMPLETELY UNDER MY CONTROL. HE NEVER TALKS NOW OF SUCH A THING AS GOING TO HIS CLUB OR DINING AT GREENWICH WITH HIS BACHELOR FRIENDS, AND HE WILL READ TO ME WHILE I WORK FOR THE HOUR TOGETHER."
Mrs. Catherine. "OH, I MUST CERTAINLY LEARN THE ART. FOR MY AUGUSTUS IS REALLY DREADFUL!"
THE LOVERS' QUARREL.
Frederick. "BUT I ASSURE YOU, DEAREST——"
Emily. "OH, NONSENSE, FREDERICK!—DON'T TELL ME! I JUDGE BY DEEDS, NOT WORDS; AND I AM SURE YOU CANNOT REALLY LOVE ME, OR YOU NEVER WOULD HAVE GIVEN THAT HORRID MISS CLAPPERTON THE WING OF THE CHICKEN, AND ME THE LEG. BESIDES, YOU HANDED THE STRAWBERRIES FIRST TO FLORA GIGGLES, AND YOU KNOW HOW I HATE HER."
TERRIFIC ACCIDENT.
BURSTING OF OLD MRS. TWADDLE'S AQUA-VIVARIUM. THE OLD LADY MAY BE OBSERVED ENDEAVOURING TO PICK UP HER FAVOURITE EEL WITH THE TONGS, A WORK REQUIRING SOME ADDRESS.
THE MARRIAGE QUESTION.
Lady Flora. "FOUR-IN-HAND CLUB, INDEED! FOR MY PART, I THINK YOUNG MEN OF FORTUNE MIGHT EMPLOY THEIR TIME MUCH BETTER THAN DRIVING HORSES TO GREENWICH! DON'T YOU, ALICE?"
Alice (with a tremendous sigh). "OH, YES! DEAR!"
MR. PUNCH'S ADVICE TO HOUSEKEEPERS.
"IF YOU WANT A THING DONE, DO IT YOURSELF."—No. I.
FOR EXAMPLE:—BY GETTING UP AT DAY-BREAK, CLEANING OUT YOUR STABLE, AND TAKING THE HORSES OUT FOR EXERCISE, YOU WILL ACCOMPLISH YOUR OBJECT.
"IF YOU WANT A THING DONE, DO IT YOURSELF."—No. II.
AND——ENABLE THE GROOMS TO GET THEIR BREAKFAST COMFORTABLY, AND SO KEEP THEM IN GOOD HUMOUR FOR THE REST OF THE DAY.
"IF YOU WANT A THING DONE, DO IT YOURSELF."—No. III.
HAVING THOROUGHLY DRESSED AND FED THE HORSES, YOU HAD BETTER SET TO WORK UPON THE BOOTS OF THE ESTABLISHMENT. THE KNIVES, AS YOU HAVE A MACHINE, YOU MAY AS WELL DO. AND, WHILE YOUR HANDS ARE SOILED, YOU HAD BETTER HELP ALPHONSO TO CARRY UP SOME COALS.
"IF YOU WANT A THING DONE, DO IT YOURSELF."—No. IV.
THERE CAN BE NO REASON WHY THE GIRLS SHOULDN'T DRESS THEMSELVES, THAT PARKER THE MAID MAY GO TO HER DANCING.
"IF YOU WANT A THING DONE, DO IT YOURSELF."—No. V.
AS FOR JOHN THOMAS, THE BEST PLAN, OF COURSE, IS TO WAIT UPON HIM, AND THEN, PERHAPS (ALTHOUGH IT BY NO MEANS FOLLOWS), HE MAY BE SATISFIED!
[As most Domestics are fond of the Organ-grinders, you had better engage one of an evening for their amusement.
"IF YOU WANT A THING DONE, DO IT YOURSELF."—No. VI.
IT IS CERTAINLY BETTER TO MIND THE BROUGHAM YOURSELF, ESPECIALLY IN FOGGY WEATHER, AS, IN CONSEQUENCE OF ROBERT'S UNFORTUNATE PROPENSITY, YOUR FAMILY ARE ALWAYS MORE OR LESS IN DANGER WHEN RETURNING FROM THE THEATRE.
"IF YOU WANT A THING DONE, DO IT YOURSELF."—No. VII.
NEVER DISTURB THE MAIDS IN THE MORNING, BUT JUMP OUT OF BED THE MOMENT YOU HEAR THE SWEEP, AND LET HIM IN; IT ISN'T MUCH TROUBLE, AND SAVES A WORLD OF GRUMBLING.
DOMESTIC DOCTORING.
FOR A COLD IN THE HEAD THERE IS NOTHING LIKE A STEAM BATH, AND THIS CAN BE HAD IN YOUR OWN BEDROOM WITH THE GREATEST EASE—YOU HAVE ONLY TO——
"WHERE IGNORANCE IS BLISS, 'TIS FOLLY TO BE WISE!"
(New Version.)
"I SAY, JIM, VOT'S A PANIC?"
"BLOW'D IF I KNOW; BUT THERE'S VON TO BE SEEN IN THE CITY."
A PRETTY KETTLE OF FISH.
Puseyite Parson. "WHAT! WANT TO LEAVE YOUR SITUATION! WHY, I THOUGHT YOU WERE PERFECTLY SATISFIED!"
Cook. "WELL, SIR, THE FACT IS, I AIN'T EQUAL TO THEM FAST DAYS; FOR WHAT WITH A HEGG HERE, AND A HEGG THERE, AND LITTLE BITS O' FISH FOR BREAKFASTES, AND LITTLE BITS O' FISH FOR DINNERS, AND THE SWEET OMELICKS, AND THE FRIED AND THE STEWED HOYSTERS, AND THE BASHAWED LOBSTERSES, AND ONE THINK AND THE HOTHER, THERE'S SO MUCH COOKING, THAT I AIN'T EVEN TIME TO MAKE UP A CAP!"
CATCHING A TARTAR.
Irritable Old Gentleman (giving Conductor a tremendous poke in the ribs). "HOLLO, THERE! STOP! WHAT THE D * * * * CONFOUND YOU, DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO STOP AT ACACIA VILLA?"
Extremely Civil Conductor. "DEAR ME, SO YOU DID, SIR—BEG YOUR PARDON, I'M SURE, SIR, BUT I REALLY QUITE FORGOT IT."
Irritable Old Gentleman. "D-D-DON'T BEG MY PARDON, YOU IMPUDENT SCOUNDREL!—IF YOU GIVE ME ANY OF YOUR BAD LANGUAGE, I'LL HAVE YOU UP AS SURE AS YOU'RE BORN."
TOUCHING.
Groom (to Old Coachman). "WHY, GUV'NR, WHAT HEVER'S THE MATTER?"
Old Coachman (sobbing). "AH, WILLIAM! MOST AFFECTIN' SIGHT! I'VE JUST SEEN THE FOUR-IN-HAND CLUB GOING DOWN TO GREENWICH! TEN ON 'EM! BEAUTIFUL TEAMS! AND DRIVEN BY REG'LAR TIP-TOP SWELLS! IT'S BIN A'MOST TOO MUCH FOR ME!"
[Is relieved by tears.
FLUNKEIANA.
John Thomas. "YES, I MUST LEAVE. YOU SEE, MARY, MY DEAR—THERE'S TOO MUCH RED IN THE LIVERY, AND THAT DON'T SUIT MY COMPLEXION—NEVER DID!"
IMITATION IS THE SINCEREST FLATTERY.
Sarah Jane To Betsy Ann. "OH, YES! IF IT COMES TO THAT, YOU KNOW, PEOPLE CAN STICK OUT AS MUCH AS OTHER PEOPLE—I ALWAYS WEARS ONE O' MOTHER'S OLD CLOTHES-BASKETS."
MALAPROPOS.
Swell (loq.). "IN FACT, I'M QUITE USED UP—AND IF I DON'T VERY SOON GET TO SOME WATERING PLACE, I SHALL BE A—A—"
[Cartman pulls string—Grand display of the whole system of Fountains.
"AN ART THAT DOTH DISFIGURE NATURE."
MR. BELVILLE DE COURCY WALKS ON THE ESPLANADE, UNDER THE IDEA THAT HE IS CREATING NO END OF SENSATION IN A CERTAIN DRAWING-ROOM.
ALAS! HE LITTLE KNOWS, THAT OWING TO THE VERY INFERIOR QUALITY OF THE GLASS IN THAT DRAWING-ROOM WINDOW, HIS SPLENDID FIGURE IS DISTORTED AS ABOVE.
ON THE JETTY.
YES, MY DEARS; I KNOW THE SEA-BREEZE AFTER BATHING IS BENEFICIAL TO THE BACK HAIR;—BUT CONSIDER THE HEART OF YOUR TOO SUSCEPTIBLE PUNCH!
A WATER ABSTAINER.
Disgusting Boy. "I SAY, CLARA!—I'M SO JOLLY GLAD, I AM. DO YOU KNOW, ALL THE PIPES ARE FROZE, AND WE SHAN'T BE ABLE TO HAVE ANY OF THAT HORRID WASHING THESE COLD MORNINGS!—AIN'T IT PRIME!"
[Sensation.
A MORAL LESSON FROM THE NURSERY.
Arthur. "DO YOU KNOW, FREDDY, THAT WE ARE ONLY MADE OF DUST!"
Freddy. "ARE WE? THEN I'M SURE WE OUGHT TO BE VERY CAREFUL HOW WE PITCH INTO EACH OTHER SO, FOR FEAR WE MIGHT CRUMBLE EACH OTHER ALL TO PIECES!"
THE DISAPPOINTED ONE.
Lover. "WHAT A BORE, JUST AS I WAS GOING TO POP THE QUESTION TO JENNY JONES, HERE'S MY NURSE COME FOR ME!"
ADDING INSULT TO INJURY.
NOBBS HAVING COME WITH HIS FAMILY TO THE SEA-SIDE FOR A LITTLE CHANGE OF SCENE, COMPLAINS THAT THEY HAVE BEEN TERRIBLY BITTEN BY—(BUT NO, WE WILL NOT MENTION THE HORRID CREATURES)—AND IS ADDRESSED THUS BY THE LODGING-HOUSE KEEPER: "THEN HALL I CAN SAY, SIR, HIS—THAT IF YOU'VE BEEN HILL-CONWENIENCED BY 'EM, YOU MUST 'A BROUGHT 'EM DOWN WITH YOU IN YOUR PORTMANTEL!"
HORRIBLE QUESTION AFTER A GREENWICH DINNER.
Foot-Boy. "IF YOU PLEASE, SIR, COOK TOLD ME TO ASK YOU WHAT FISH YOU'D LIKE TO-DAY?"
AWKWARD PREDICAMENT.
Young Sparrow. "OH, I'M SORRY TO TROUBLE YOU, UNCLE—BUT COULD YOU LEND ME A RAZOR? MY CONFOUNDED FELLOW HASN'T PACKED UP MY DRESSING-CASE!"
ALARMING PROPOSITION.
Oyster-Man (to Hairy Gents). "OYSTERS, SIR! YES, SIR! SHALL I TAKE YER BEARDS OFF?"
[Gents have an uncomfortable idea that they are being chaffed.
EPIGRAMMATIC.
Gentleman. "LETS HAVE A BOILED MACKEREL."
Waiter. "BILED, SIR! BETTER HAVE 'EM BRILED, SIR. IF THEY'RE BILED, THEY'RE SPILED, SIR!"
A SKETCH AT A RAILWAY STATION.
Respectable Citizen (reads Placard). "'The Public are cautioned against Card-Sharpers, Gamblers, and Pickpockets.' * * * WHY, I THOUGHT SUCH PEOPLE WAS ALL DONE AWAY WITH. DIDN'T YOU, MO?"
HI ART.
Parent. "I SHOULD LIKE YOU TO BE VERY PARTICULAR ABOUT HIS HAIR."
Photographic Artist (!). "OH, MUM, THE 'AIR IS HEASY ENOUGH! IT'S THE HI'S WHERE WE FIND THE DIFFICULTY."
OUR LAZY CONTRIBUTOR.
"THE VERY IDEA OF WORK THIS BEAUTIFUL WEATHER IS REPUGNANT TO MY FEELINGS."
[Extract from our Young Friend * * *'s Letter.
GOING OUT OF TOWN.
Mary. "IF YOU PLEASE, SIR, MISSUS SAY YOU MUST FIND ROOM FOR THIS IN YOUR PORTMANTEL."
THE ROAD.
Gent (with much pride). "THERE'S ONE THING, 'ARRY, AS ALWAYS STRIKES ME A GOING DOWN TO THE DARBY, AND THAT IS HOW THE NUMBER OF SPLENDID EQUIPAGES MUST ASTONISH THE FOREIGNER!"
SERIOUS THING FOR BROWN,
WHO RATHER PRIDES HIMSELF UPON THE ELEGANT MANNER IN WHICH HE TAKES OFF HIS HAT. THIS TIME, HOWEVER, ALTHOUGH THE HAT IS REMOVED, THE LINING STICKS.
BEAUTY IN DISTRESS.
Gallant Swell (who of course comes to the rescue). "HAW! CAN I BE OF ANY SERVICE?"
Beauty. "OH, YES! IF YOU WOULD SIT UPON THE HORSE'S HEAD, I SHOULD BE SO MUCH OBLIGED."
THE ARTISTIC (!) STUDIO.
A Stereoscopic Scene from Fashionable Life.
"Love, Pride, Revenge."—THE GROUP REPRESENTS A YOUNG MINSTREL OF HUMBLE ORIGIN, DECLARING HIS PASSION TO A LADY OF NOBLE PARENTAGE. HER HAUGHTY BROTHER, AS MAY BE SEEN FROM HIS MENACING ATTITUDE, IS ABOUT TO AVENGE THE INSULT OFFERED TO HIS FAMILY!
A TRYING THING FOR TOOTLES,
WHO SEES THE OBJECT OF HIS ADMIRATION FLY OVER A HOG-BACKED STILE, HE HAVING THE GREATEST AVERSION TO TIMBER.
ALWAYS BE POLITE WHEN TRAVELLING.
Affable Young Gent (who is never distant to Strangers). "WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE Bell's Life, SIR? THERE'S AN OUT-AND-OUT STUNNING MILL BETWEEN CONKEY JIM AND THE PORKY ONE!"
A YOUNG SPORTSMAN.
Lucy. "WELL, REGINALD, AND WHEN DO YOU GO BACK TO SCHOOL?"
Reginald. "OH! THE DAY AFTER TO-MORROW!—AND AIN'T IT A BORE, JUST AS ONE'S HUNTERS ARE IN SUCH SPLENDID CONDITION?"
QUITE A CHEAP TRIP.
DURING SOME OF THE WINTER MONTHS, WITH A NICE BRACING NORTH-EAST WIND BLOWING, YOU MAY GO TO MANCHESTER AND BACK FOR 5s.—AN OPPORTUNITY NOT TO BE LOST—OH DEAR, NO!
MALICIOUS.
Flora. "CAN YOU STILL SEE THE STEAMER, LUCY, DEAR?"
Lucy. "OH, YES, QUITE PLAINLY!"
Flora. "AND DEAR, DEAR WILLIAM, TOO?"
Lucy. "OH, YES!"
Flora. "DOES HE SEEM UNHAPPY, NOW HE IS AWAY FROM ME?"
Lucy. "EVIDENTLY, I SHOULD SAY, DEAR; FOR HE IS SMOKING A CIGAR, AND DRINKING SOMETHING OUT OF A TUMBLER TO CHEER HIM, POOR FELLOW!"
DISGUSTING FOR AUGUSTUS.
Augustus (who was rapidly coming to the point). "THEN, EMILY! OH, MAY I CALL YOU EMILY?—SWEETEST!—BEST!—SAY THAT YOU WILL NOT GO—WITHOUT——"
Fish-woman (cuts in). "ANY FEESH TO-DAY, MARM?—ANY MACKEREEL, SOLES, OR WHITING?"
QUITE A SEDUCTIVE SON OF MARS.
Lady. "AND SO, CAPTAIN—THEY SAY YOU ARE GOING TO TURN BENEDICK?"
Adonis. "WHY, YA-AS—AW—I DIDN'T WISH TO—BUT—AW—IN FACT, LADY MARY'S ATTENTIONS BECAME SO MARKED—THAT—AW—THE THING AW—WAS INEVITABLE—AW."
A DAY VERY LATE IN THE SEASON.—SAY, THE FIRST OF APRIL.
THE O.P.Q. HOUNDS HAVE A RATTLING HOUR AND TEN MINUTES AFTER A GOOD STOUT BUTTERFLY, OVER A SPLENDID PRIMROSE AND VIOLET COUNTRY.——
Huntsman (loq.). "SHALL I GIVE THE WINGS TO THE LADY, SIR?"
IT MUST BE ALL RIGHT!
Mamma. "I WONDER WHERE THAT CHILD, ARTHUR, IS—HE IS VERY QUIET. I HOPE HE IS NOT IN MISCHIEF."
Child. "OH, NO, MAMMA, DEAR! HE'S NOT IN MISCHIEF, FOR HE IS IN THE LIBRARY, PLAYING WITH THE PENS AND INK."
AN ASTONISHING REQUEST.
Fast Young Lady (to Old Gent). "HAVE YOU SUCH A THING AS A LUCIFER ABOUT YOU, FOR I'VE LEFT MY CIGAR-LIGHTS AT HOME!"
THE UNEXPECTED ALWAYS HAPPENS.
DISMAY OF TOOTLES AT HEARING A STRANGER COMMENCE "THE STANDARD BEARER"—A SONG WHICH HE (TOOTLES) HAS BEEN PRACTISING FOR MONTHS, WITH THE VIEW OF CREATING A SENSATION AT MRS. BLOWER'S MUSICAL EVENING.—UNFORTUNATELY, TOO, FOR TOOTLES, "THE STANDARD BEARER" IS HIS ONLY SONG!