Josh Billings' Farmer's Allminax, 1870-1879

THE RHINOSSEROSS AND THE VIOLET.

The rhinosseross iz strikly a forrin invenshun, and i am glad ov it. They are a one horned experiment, and that horn grows on the tip ov their nose. If they are haff az unhappy az they look, they are the most mizerable kritters ever invented. Their great value is in their skarsity, if they waz az plenty az organ grinders, they wouldn't be enny more of a luxury. If i waz offered mi choice between a rhinosseross, and an anakondy, i should figger on them cluss, for a fortnight, and then refuse to take either.

THE VIOLET.

Little blu eyed innocent, i saw yu one year ago, this very day, in this same cold, and sunless spot, (perhaps it mite hav been yure sister) far away from human eyes, or human footsteps. It waz winter then, so it iz now, but they call it spring. Yu are too gentle for this cheerless place, do the fairys visit yu, and whisper words ov luv and hope. Yu need'nt hang yure hed and tremble, i wont hurt yu, gladly would i swop places with yu, neglected az yu are, yu kant be lost, i may be. Stay right whare yu are little innosent, the fust luv sik maiden i kum akrost, i will send to keep yu company, she will hav a lot ov silly, and soft things, to tell yu.

UNDERGROWTH.

A "Stool Pigeon" iz one, who iz willing to be az wicked az he knows how, but who haz to be taught all the iniquity, ov enny consequence, that he possesses.

Men who hav the most real power, sho it the least, while thare aint a more terrible engine ov the law, than a fresh elekted constable.

THE BACHELOR.

The old bachelor iz born in the maskuline way, but often changes hiz base, to the nuter gender. He thinks he haz got a good lone hand, but in playing it, allmost allways gits ukered. Sumtimes, late in life, he makes up hiz mind to git marrid, and then, allmost invariably, thare are two partys, who are disapointed.

THE QUACK.

The quack knows he iz a ded beat, but he allso knows that mankind luv to be cheated. He allwuss haz sum speshiallity, and the more difikult iz the disseaze, the more brazen iz he, in hiz offers to kure it. He preys upon the unfortunate, and it would be az unprofitable to prove malpraktiss aginst him, az it would bigamy, aginst a wharf rat.

THE DEAKON.

The deakon iz the fust lutenant in a meeting house. He iz a good christian man, but hiz kreed iz too often az mutch bother to him, az a yoke iz to a goose. He iz az full ov bizzness, and proviso's az a wimmins rites convenshen. He often haz more pitty than branes, and generally, more fuss, than either. A good deakon, in a naborhood, iz a substanshall blessing, and bad deakons, thank Heaven, hav allwuss been skarse.

SOLLUM THINGS.

The world iz bankrupt in morals, and if kind heaven wont settle with us, for 10 cents on the dollar, the devil will git the whole thing bi foreclosure.

Yu may make a servant ov a friend, but yu kant make a friend ov a servant, it aint natral.

THE GRASSHOPPER IZ A BURDEN

The grasshopp iz a flippant bug. He iz likewise a kuss. He iz green for color, and haz several leggs, or more, i disremember whitch. They kan fli, hop, walk, sit still, or run, and are born ov eggs, a dozen from each egg, proberbly. They are an inch and a quarter in length, and are sumtimes a frackshun over. They are laid, hatchid out, git their manhood, and die off in 75 days, this iz aktual bizzness, and shows enterprize, in a lofty degree. What they are good for, haz been concealed from us, for wize reazons, but the evil they kan commit, iz sumtimes equal to a famine. I hav seen every green thing, on the flatt ov the earth, for 50 miles in diameter, et up bi them, and millyuns ov them besides starving to deth. I have seen the air filled with them like a shower ov sand, and nothing but stone fences, and McAdam roads, proof aginst their appetights. To be et up bi grasshopps, to be consumed bi muskeeters, or mangled bi a mule, hav allways been the three deaths that i hav voted aginst. But az mutch az i fear the dedly hopper, i had rather face a mile square ov them, all alone, in the month ov August, or i had rather cross the Newark marshes, bi moonlite, in Juli, when muskeeters are in their consumate glory, or even fondle the sportive mule, than to hav a nusepaper kritick, who writes for 8 dollars a week, git after me.

CAMBRIK NEEDLES.

The slowest time on reckord,—is skool time.

The man who forgivs, and dont forgit, compounds for 50 cents on the dollar.

I dont take enny phoolish chances, if i waz called upon to mourn over a ded mule, i should stand in front ov him, and do mi weeping.=

J. Billings Esq.

When a man gits to going down hill, it duz seem, az tho every thing had been greased for the ockashun.

Josh Billings

THE APPLE.

The apple iz the oldest fruit on reckord, and one ov the best. The fust ackount we hav ov it, was in the gardin ov Eden. Eve iz sed to hav et the fust one, and pronounced it good, and made Adam take a bight. The eating ov this apple never has been konsidered mutch ov a hit for the rest ov us. The apple will keep longer than enny other fruit, if it aint eaten, and kan be workt up into apple sass, and dumplings, with grate suckcess.

I kan tell a mans tru karakter, bi what he eats, or drinks, clusser than i kan to hear him deliver a tempranse lektur. Talk of all kinds iz artyfishall, but vittles, and drinks, iz natur. Whenever yu see a man cussing, and swareing at apple sass, and good light dumplings, yu can bet 10 dollars, on mi ackount, that he aint a good fireside man. Apples also, when they are well squeezed, produce cider, which iz next to milk, az a fertilizer. Egnogg owes most ov its glory unto cider. Champane wine would be dredphull skarse in market if it want for cider, and good sharp vinegar would be az unkommon az piety, or tru affeckshun, if it wazn't for cider. Jersey lightning also kums from cider, this iz the only wicked thing i ever knu cider to do. Jersey lightning haz scalded more people than hot water ever haz, and killed more than Minnie rifles.

FOAM.

Thare iz nothing which a chaste, and refined woman detekts so quick as the atmosphere ov an impure man.

Contentment has been praized more, and prakticed less, than enny other condishun ov life.

THE AVERAGE BOARDING HOUSE.

I hav lived in boarding houses long enuff to decide, that most ov them are the most cheerless, and unfriendly places on earth. The alms house, or the hospital, iz a more luvly spot to liv in, than the average boarding house. They are kept bi females, gennerally about 45, or 46, years old, and never gits enny older, who wears a blak allpacka dress, az slippery, and shiny, as a piece ov pattent leather, and who kan blo a butcher klean out ov hiz stall, or lift the false hair oph from the heds, ov one ov her Bridgets, when she gets to argueing the case hot.

Her house iz furnished from top to bottom with faded furniture, the spoils ov a thousand aukshun sales, which iz the only place she visits, except the meat, and vegetable markets Everything on the table, and about the house, inkluding attendance, iz meazzured out at the rate ov about nine ounces to the pound, and the whole thing runs dry, and squeaking like the axles ov a waggon, in want ov grease. Thare iz not one solitary, genuine cumfort, in theze concerns, and men, and wimmin, liv, year after year, in theze hash asylums, cursing them every day, and without the moral force to desert them.

I was once told ov one landlady who kept a party ov four young fellows in her house, two months longer than they wanted to stay, bi putting a ten cent stamp into the hash every morning. The landlady dealt out the hash, and managed to get the stamp every time.

DUST.

The way of the transgressor iz hard,—and there ain't no transgressor kan dodge it neither.

Experience iz about all that old age can boast ov, and how often iz even this ov the bitterest kind.

A LONG PARAGRAFF.

Guessing iz a dredphull poor trade, i had just about az soon hav a man tell me a lie az to guess at a thing, in case ov doubt ask yure wife, when the sun shines wimmin are butterflys, and luv to bask in its rays, but when the dark hours cum, and even hope begins to look over its shoulder, ask yure wife about it, and she will either puntch a hole thru the klowd, or lift up one corner ov it, and sho yu a star, I luv babys, i luv them bekauze they are aktually necessary, I luv them bekauze they wont lie, I luv them bekauze they may be the next president sum time, i luv them bekauze i waz a baby once miself, and perhaps sumboddy loved me, i hav sumtimes thought gamblers were az honest az they kan afford to be, they allwuss giv notiss before hand that they will cheat you if they kan, I beleave in one wife, one dog, and one friend, with a few cheerfull acquaintances thrown in to make up the assortment, doenutts and cheeze are lawful tenders in Nu England, nine doenutts, a quarter ov a pound ov old cheeze, and a pint ov sharp sider, iz a luncheon fit for a nuly elekted Justiss ov the Peace, or a trakt pedlar, dandys are things ov the past, I havn't seen a regular full blossomed, old fashioned dandy, going on now seven years, I* * * * * *

SEDIMENT.

When a coquet falls in luv, she falls in all over, prudes make a mental reservashun.

I would rather number amung mi intimates, an ideot, or even a pikpocket, than infidel.

AQUARIUS. THE WATER BEARER.
"Now is the winter ov our diskontent."

THE BOOK CANVASSER.

The book canvasser iz a red hot being, az untiring az a fox hound, and az free from diffidence az a fish pedlar. He works hiz way into every spot in kreashun, and will often sell a book to a man, for hiz own price, who swore at first that he wouldn't take it az a gift. He will travel more miles in a day, on less hash, than a stage horse, and kan stand more abuse than a chinaman. The book canvasser haz bekum the terror of the land, and mankind hide from him az they would from the taxgatherer, or a case ov the small pox. I rather like the book canvasser, when a man pitches into me, and offers to sell me 650 pages ov "Doktor John Hirsute's modified diagnosis ov the cappilliary attrakshun," and stiks to it untill he gits the book onto me, i am delighted with the man, and proud ov miself. It takes genius to do theze things, and i luv genius in all shapes, whether it appears az the author ov a dikshionary, or the pattentee of bar soap, warrented to take the letterings off from a mile stone in three washings. The book canvasser haz mi hottest prayers for hiz sukcess, and tho i never ov late subskribe for enny thing, not even to buy the new klergyman an independant seckond hand trotting kronometor, still i am allwus reddy to reckomend him to mi nabors.

SLUNG SHOT.

"Throw fisick to the dogs," is a very old proverb, but whare will yu find the dog that will tutch it?

Experience teaches us mutch, but learns us little.

PICES, THE FISHES.
Two Perch—possibly one Smelt.

THE CHIPMUNK.

The chipmunk iz the smallest of the squirrell tribe. They are striped goods, having three blak lines wove into them, running the same way the squirrell duz. Az a spekulator in corn the chipmunk stands at the hed ov all the small operators, beating the blujay, in hiz yearly operashuns about a quart. The chipmunk carrys hiz corn in hiz mouth, and when he cums out ov a cornfield loaded with the cereal, his cheeks stik out like a duch baby's. Sumtimes the chipmunk iz kaught and kept in a cage, and iz made to turn a wheel for a living, this iz the only usefull work they hav ever been known to do. I hav often lookt at them at work in their wheels, and dont kno which i pitty the most, the chipmunk, or the party who has to tend them, both of them mite be in better bizzness. They are the only insekt who dig their holes and sho no pile ov dirt at the entrance. I hav asked sevral smart men what bekums ov the dirt, but they all shook their heds and lookt awfull wize. When i waz a boy i used to ketch chipmunks bi running away from skool, and the day that I brought in two ov them waz a big day for me.

CRUMBS.

The devil iz a very cunning phellow, but the blunders he makes allwuss eats up the profitts in hiz bizzness.

A dandy iz an individul whoze usephullness in this world depends entirely upon the fit ov hiz clothes.

ARIES, THE RAM.
On the War Path.—The hit ov the seazon.

REMARKS.

Three kard monte iz a game ov chance, the chance iz, that yu will git badly beat, unless yu play it alone. When thare iz 2 plays the game, sumbody iz bound to git hurt. Girls are a more risky crop to raize than boys, if a boy makes a bad blunder, he kan wipe out the slate once, or even twice, and begin again, but a girl kant. I kant tell who old Probabilitiz iz, but he iz a smart kuss, aint he? Whiskee iz one ov the tonicks, i think, but i aint sure, i kno it iz one ov the tanglelegs, for I hav seen it tried often. Yu kan sell a fast horse in Nu York at yure own price, provided he iz fast enuff. But dont bring enny 3 minnitt kattle to Nu York, the ice kream, and the milk men, drive faster than that. Our old fellows, in Nu York, menny ov them who hav seen 70 years, when they go out onto the hard roads, dont take enny but 2.25 dust. Speaking ov kats mi opinyun remains unchanged, they are az full ov flaws, az a March wind iz. Yu kan make a lawyer, or a minister ov your son, either ov them are decent callings enuff, but neither ov them will make him respektabel, unless they are well filled Nuzepaper hacks are harder workt, and poorer fed, than livery stable horses. Authors, and skribblers, az a klass, are a self konsaited, and seedy set, and I believe a literary man, when he gits poor, and shiny, iz the poorest looking kritter on the footstool.

LINT.

No atheist, with all hiz boasted bravery, haz ever dared to advertize his beleaf, on hiz tomb stun

A baby iz a necessity, but twins allwuss did seem to me, to be ov a spekulative natur.

TAURUS, THE BULL.
Bound for Wall Street.—Bring on yure Bear.

THE MUSKEETER.

Muskeeters are a game bug, but they wont bite at a hook. Thare iz millyuns ov them kaught every year, but not with a hook, this makes the market for them unstiddy, the supply allways exceeding the demand. The muskeeto iz born on the sly, and cums to maturity quicker than enny other ov the domestik animiles. A muskeeter at 3 hours old iz just az reddy, and anxious, to go into bizzness for himself, az ever he iz, and bites the fust time az sharp, and natral, az red pepper duz. The muskeeter haz a good ear for musik, and sings without notes. The song ov the musketo iz monotonous to sum folks, but in me it stirs up the memorys ov other days. I hav lade awake, all nite long, menny a time and listened to the sweet anthems ov the muskeeter. I am satisfied that thare want nothing made in vain, but i kant help thinking how mighty kluss the musketoze kum to it. The muskeeter haz inhabited this world since its kreashun, and will probably hang around here until bizzness closes. Whare the muskeeter goes to in the winter iz a standing konumdrum, which all the naturalists hav giv up, but we kno he dont go far, for he iz on hand early each year with hiz probe fresh ground, and polished. Muskeeters must be one ov the luxurys ov life, they certainly aint one ov the necessarys, not if we kno ourselfs.

SNOW BALLS.

Thare iz a time for all things, and the best time to hold our tungs, iz when we feel az tho we had the most to say.

The man who gambles, or drinks whiskey, kant chooze hiz assoshiates.

If yu trade horses with a jockey yu kant git cheated but once.—but if yu trade with a deakon yu may git cheated twice.—once in the horse, and once in the deakon =

Perhaps. Josh Billings

Patience iz a good thing for a man to hav. but when he haz got so mutch ov it. that he kan fish all day long, without enny bate on hiz hook,—Lazyness, iz what's the matter ov him.=

Exackly so. Josh Billings

GEMINI, THE TWINS.
Dubletts—a lucky throw.

THE BEAN.

Next to rhy bread, beans hav been called by the poets, and philosphers the cumfort, and staff ov life. The bean iz all food, thare iz no more waste in them, than thare iz in a pint ov cold water, when a man iz auphull dry. Beans are all colors, and most shapes, flat, round, oblong, square, and 3 cornered, and a quart ov them put into a pot, and biled 2 hours, will meazzure a gallon, and a haff, when they cum out. This makes them a better dividend paying seed than enny thing we kno ov. Beans are az old az Esau, he sold out for bean porridge. Beans gro on the jump, and thare aint but phew things that kan beat a bean klimbing a pole. I luv beans, but dont hanker for them. But beans, and me wont quarrell. Baked beans are a grate necessity in Nu England, and not to hav a platter ov them for Sunday dinner, iz lookt upon thare az being stuck-up to the neighbors. One ov the old blue laws ov Massachusetts waz, "thou shalt eat baked beans on Sunday." I kan remember now ov eating baked beans, and rhy, and injun bread every Sunday, when i waz a boy, and luving it, bekauze i waz obliged to.

EXAMINE.

The happyest time in enny ones life, iz the fust 20 minnitts after they hav had an akeing tooth jerkt out.

Imaginashun never filled a man's stummak yet, yu kant git pork, and beans, by dreaming about them.

CANCER, THE KRAB.
A Shell-Fish—pretty mutch all shell.

QUESTIONS AND REPLIZE.

Q.—What iz the best religious kreed to hav?

A.—Charity. If a man will swop off all the religious kreed he haz got on hand, and invest the proceeds in charity, he will allwus be proud ov the job.

Q.—Will yu pleze define an Enthuziast?

A.—An Enthuziast iz a party who beleaves about 4 times az mutch az he kan prove, and who kan prove about 4 times az mutch az ennyboddy else beleaves.

Q.—What three things hav dun the most to civilize the world?

A.—The Bible, the looking-glass, and the muskett

Q.—Whitch iz the most reddy animile?

A.—The mule—they alwuss sleep standing, so to be on hand when the kiking begins to flow.

Q.—What iz the quikest food on reckord?

A.—The oyster on the haff shell—they kan be et sitting, standing, or on the run.

LEO, THE LION.
Strayed or Stolen.—Return to P. T. Barnum.

THE GORRILLA.

The gorrilla iz a free-born citizen ov Western Afrika, and in point ov intilekt, averages well with the rest ov the natives. They are about 5 foot 3 in hight, and hav got a sanguine temper, wuss than a fish womans. I never saw but one gorrilla, and he waz not filled with life, but waz filled with straw. I dont want to see another, it weakens mi respekt for mi ansesstors. They are four legged, and kan walk purpendikular, or horizontal, but when they do walk uprite, they are the wust looking relashuns we hav. They liv alone, and are more terrible in a ruff and tumble fite, than enny person that livs. I hav allwuss wondered whi sum one didn't import one into this country, and match him for 2 thousand dollars to fite in a ring. I am oppozed to ring battles, but when this skirmish takes place, i want to be there, and bet my patrimony on to the gorrilla. May the best man win. The gorrilla haz a good appetight, for one that haint been kultivated, and will eat enny thing he kan ketch, from a coloured brother to an anakondy The gorrilla iz no doubt good for sumthing, but what that iz i kant tell, nor dont want to know. Farewell yu auphull, ugly, mizerable kuss.

The end ov the gorrilla.

WEIGH.

The devil holds poor kards, but he allwuss plays them mighty well.

A man with a very small hed iz like a pin without enny, very apt to git into things beyond hiz depth.

VIRGO, THE VIRGIN,
Sweet 16 (sub rosa 38).

QUESTIONS, AND ANSWERS.

Q.—When iz the right time to marry?

A.—Enny whare between 21, and ninety-four years.

Q.—What iz a woman's chief joy in this world?

A.—Her own or sumboddy else's baby.

Q.—Which iz the most diffident, and humbel kritter amung the animals?

A.—A bobtailed kat, probberbly.

Q.—How menny yards ov 5 dollar silk duz it take to make a dress.

A.—I dont kno, but it allwuss takes 2 yards and a haff more than yu buy the fust time.

Q.—What do mankind gennerally take the most pride in?

A.—In sumthing their nabors haint got, nor kant git.

Q.—What two persons in the whole congregashun, need the clusset watching?

A.—A praying pollytisian, and an offishus deakon.

Q.—How iz the best way to git rid ov kokroaches?

A.—Sell out yure house, and lot, and jine the gipseys.

Q.—What cums the nearest to makeing a woman sware?

A.—To hav her clothes line brake when it iz full ov a Monday's washing.

Q.—Which iz the two most thankless jobs in this world?

A.—To keep skool, and be an undertaker.

Q.—How do yu define experience?

A.—Experience iz the science ov finding out how deep a mill pond iz, by wading into it, and drowning.

DOUBLETS.

I kant help but respekt the heathen, they hav made az good a showing on their kapital, az the christians hav.

Next to the mother in law, cums the Grandmother, to regulate the cook, the kat, and the baby.

LIBRA, THE SKALES.
For full particulars enquire ov E. & T. Fairbanks & Co.

THE APPLE DUMPLIN.

The dumplin are about the natral size ov yure phist, made out ov dough, and filled with apples. They are served up hot, with sum sweet-tasteing liniment on them, and are az eazy to struggle with az a sugar-plum. They aint so good kold az they ought to be. Kold dumplin, and raw potatoe, eat similar. I never et apple dumplin yet, without thanking the Lord for that one, and the Landlady for another one. Four apple dumplins, at one sitting, iz just about mi size. I wish i knu who invented theze kind-hearted balls, i would like to weep over hiz memory. Punkin pi, and apple dumplin, hav dun az mutch to civilize man az enny two missionarys that hav ever lived. Good vittles iz next to good morals enny how. Yu may talk about virtew az mutch az yu pleze, yu kant never inokulate a man with virtew fust rate on an empty stummuk. Giv a man four apple dumplin, with sum good kind ov ointment on them, and after he haz et them, and they hav settled down to hard pan, yu kan krawl up to him on either side, with a dose of morality, or even sum new kind of sope, for taking spots out ov clothes.

A STATEMENT.

Thare iz nothing about a man that will outlast a nikname, it will stik to him, az long az a bobtale will to a dog.

Most people repent ov their sins bi thanking God they aint so wicked az their nabors.

Thare iz one thing i notiss.—When a man falls down on the ice, whare the water iz an inch, and a haff deep, he never seems to feel proud ov the job =

Josh Billings

The goose, like sumother folks, haz more politeness than thare iz enny need ov.—i hav seen them lower their heds, in going into a barn door, 18 foot high.=

I hav. Josh Billings

SCORPIO, THE SKORPION.
When the pinch comes, he is thar.

PUNKIN PI.

Punkin pi iz the sass ov Nu England. They are vittles and drink, they are joy on the haff-shell, they are glory enuff for one day, and are good kold or warmed up. I would like to be a boy again, just for sixty minnitts, and eat miself phull ov the blessed old mixtur. Enny man who dont luv punkin pi, wants watching cluss, for he means to do sumthin mean the fust good chance he kan git. Giv me all the punkin pi i could eat, when i waz a boy, and i didn't kare whether sunday-skool kept that day or not. And now that i hav grown up to manhood, and hav run for the legislature once, and only got beat 856 votes, and am thoroly marrid, thare aint nothing i hanker for wuss, and kan bury quicker, than two-thirds ov a good old-fashioned punkin pi, an inch and a halff thik, and well smelt up, with ginger and nutmeg. Punkin pi iz the oldest Amerikan beverage i kno ov, and ought to go down to posterity with the trade mark ov our grandmothers on it; but i am afrade it wont, for it iz tuff even now to find one that tastes in the mouth at all az they did 40 years ago.

REMARKS.

Noboddy really luvs to be cheated, but it duz seem az tho every one waz anxious to see how near they could cum to it.

The wust tyrant in the world iz the wife ov a henpekt husband.

SAGITTARIUS, THE ARCHER.
Sarching for the Bulls Eye.

PERSONALS.

⁂ H. J. B.—If the lady with lavender poodle, would like tew swop dogs, Barney O'Toole iz her man.

B. O'Toole.

⁂ D.—Dont menshun it; mum iz the word. Star ov buty, the goose hangeth hi.

Lover.

⁂ Sweetness.—Virtew iz her own cashier; the violet iz blu; the racoon haz a bushy tail; man waz made tew mourn; meet me at the pea-nut stand.

Harrold.

⁂ Spongkake.—Dost luv me? The kold moon listened when yu breathed a vow in Bridget Costello's ear; dont go back on me Patrik, if thou dost, be jabbers i will hav satisfackshun.

Bridget.

⁂ Bill Mustach.—Dont put on airs; how about that box ov 5 cent cigars yu owe for? Yure wash-woman mourns yure abscence.

Sam Peel.

CAPRICORNUS, THE GOAT.
A strong Butter (I don't like strong butter).

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12mo, Cloth, Gilt Top. Illustrated from 36 drawings by Arthur Lumley. $1.50

EQUAL PARTNERS. By Howard Fielding.

By Howard Fielding. "This is a thoroughly enjoyable detective story, written in good, crisp style, and with a decided surprise in the last pages. It is adroitly contrived that almost every character in the book shall be suspected of the crime of attempted murder before the actual culprit is discovered. The characters are excellently differentiated, and the story is vastly diverting, nor are there any repulsive features about the book. It is a stirring tale and will enliven a dull evening successfully."—Chicago Tribune. Illustrated. Cloth bound.
$1.25

DORIS KINGSLEY, Child and Colonist.

By Emma Rayner, author of "Free to Serve," "In Castle and Colony," etc. This story of the South in the first half of the eighteenth century, opens with one of the strangest episodes in the early history of South Carolina—the pursuit and capture by the Governor of Carolina of a pirate vessel, full, not of treasure, but of English men and women; and the selling of those same unfortunate voyagers as bond servants in the colony. Doris Kingsley, a child stolen from the streets of London, is the youngest of the party, and is the heroine of the story. Doris Kingsley is a novel of absorbing interest, dramatic and historically true. Illustrated. Cloth bound.
$1.50

OLD JED PROUTY (A Narrative of the Penobscot).

Richard Golden and Mary C. Francis. In "Old Jed Prouty" the reading public is presented with a New England character story of unusual interest and merit. The plot, although not an involved one, hides enough mystery to lend the spice of the unknown to the reader's zest, and the simple and natural dénouement emphasizes the high moral ethics of the story, and throws into strong relief the deep human sentiments that dominate the tale. Standing out above all, infusing into the fiber of every chapter the rugged sincerity, the homely wit and the quaint philosophy of New England, is the central character about which the pivot of the story turns, "Old Jed Prouty," real in name and real in goodness, who at the time of his life, some thirty years since, was a landmark in the Valley of the Penobscot. Cloth bound.
$1.50

A MASTER OF FORTUNE, being Further Adventures of "Captain Kettle."

By Cutcliffe Hyne. "It has the dash and tinge of reality that makes you feel as if you were in the midst of it all."—Detroit Free Press.

"The many readers who followed with bated breath the wild adventures of Captain Kettle in the book named for him, will welcome Cutcliffe Hyne's new collection of tales dealing with that remarkable sea dog. The volume is well called 'A Master of Fortune.'"—Philadelphia Press.

"Nobody who has followed the gallant sailor—diminutive, but oh, my!—in his previous adventures around the earth, is going to miss this red-hot volume of marvelous exploits."—N. Y. World. Illustrated. Cloth bound.
$1.50

THE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN KETTLE.

By Cutcliffe Hyne. The best sea story since the days of Marryat. Captain Kettle is a devil-may-care sea dog, half pirate and half preacher. The author carries him through many hairbreadth escapes and makes him a character that will live long in the annals of fiction. The success of this book is marvelous. Over 80,000 copies have been sold. Illustrated. Cloth bound.
$1.50

THE MULLIGANS. A Novel.

By Edward Harrigan. The New York World says: "Mr. Harrigan gave to his Mulligan dramas the most distinctly typical character plays which have ever been seen on the native stage. They were studied and displayed straight from the life of New York and their popularity was unbounded.

His book is one of the most generally interesting of the new season's output."

It is a marvelously entertaining novel, possessing a keenness of wit and humor unsurpassed by any recent work. All the characters stand out, as true to life, as natural and as vivid as if portrayed by Dickens. 12mo. Cloth bound. Illustrated. Price,
$1.50

NORMAN HOLT, a Story of the Army of the Cumberland.

By General (Capt.) Charles King. "No more charming historic war story has ever been written. It is Captain King's best, and bearing, as it does, on the great battle of Mission Ridge, although the story is woven in fiction, it adds an invaluable record of that gigantic contest between the two great armies."

"The characters are real, their emotions natural, and the romance that is interwoven is delightful. It is wholesome and one of General King's best, if not his best book."—N. Y. Journal.

"From the first chapter to the last page the interest of the reader never fags. General King has written no more brilliant or stirring novel than 'Norman Holt.'"—N. Y. Press.

Illustrated, cloth bound.
$1.25

JOHN HENRY, (25th Thousand.)

By Hugh McHugh. "'John Henry' has just 'butted' its way in between the literary bars and capered over the book counters to the tune of twelve thousand copies before its publishers could recover their breath.

"Every page is as catchy as a bar from a popular song.

"The slang is as correct, original and smart as the newest handshake from London.

"In the lottery of humorous books 'John Henry' seems to approximate the capital prize."—N. Y. Journal.

"All who have laughed over 'Billy Baxter' will heartily enjoy this book."—The Bookseller, Newsdealer and Stationer.

Cloth bound.
$0.75

THE KING OF HONEY ISLAND, (45th Thousand.)

By Maurice Thompson, author of "Alice of Old Vincennes," etc. "'The King of Honey Island' bears quite as many marks of the genius of the author as does 'Alice of Old Vincennes,' with the additional charm, perhaps of more buoyancy and beauty of thought and expression. In 'Alice' Mr. Thompson plumed himself as a master word painter. In 'The King of Honey Island' he developed into a veritable American Ouida, for his descriptive powers are marvelous. Like the true artist that he was, he paints Nature as it looks, not as it is, so that the reader, in glimpsing the battle of New Orleans, hears, almost, the cannon's roar."—The Topeka Capital.

Illustrated, cloth bound.
$1.50

JOHN WINSLOW.

By Henry D. Northrop. "'John Winslow' is one of those inviting books of country life of which the best part of 'Eben Holden' has come to be the accepted type. Plenty of shrewd common sense in the chief character, a dash of love on the side, an incidental and inevitable bit of human wickedness—but everything in the picture and the framing attractive. This is a book for a wide reach among readers."—N. Y. World.

"Properly ranks with 'Eben Holden,' 'David Harum,' and 'Quincy Adams Sawyer.' The four may be put in a class by themselves as distinctive types of homespun Americans."—The North American.

"Worthy to live with 'David Harum' and 'Eben Holden.'"—Publishers' Weekly. 12mo, illustrated, cloth bound.
$1.50

UNDER A LUCKY STAR, a New Book on Astrology.

By Charlotte Abell Walker. Tells what occupation to adopt, and what line of life to follow, what associates and partners to choose, how to recognize the possibilities and limitations of our friends and ourselves, and of other important matters to human life, including suggestions on marriage, being mainly culled from the minds of ancient and modern philosophers. Illustrated, cloth bound.
$1.50

THE WAY OF A MAN WITH A MAID.

By Frances Gorden Fane. A clever, well-written story, full of love and pathos, and thrilling with dramatic crises. Each step of the domestic tragedy is skilfully portrayed, until the final climax is reached.

"Its author has made it a powerful, telling story to read."—N. Y. World.

Cloth bound.
$1.50

THE CROSSROADS OF DESTINY, a Story of Chivalry in the Fifteenth Century.

By John P. Ritter. Author of "The Man Who Dared." This is a wonderfully interesting story, and will find a welcome with all who love to read of deeds of chivalry.

"It is a clean, clear and clever story of chivalry at its best, and will find a great many well-pleased readers."—New York World. Cloth bound, illustrated.
$1.25