Thursday, 6th.
The morning was beautifully bright and warm, like a May morning in England. After breakfast, practised for two hours: while doing so, was interrupted by Mr. ——, who came to bid us good-by. He was going on to New York, and thence to England.
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He sat some time. When he was gone, and I had finished my practising, came up to my own room. Was summoned thence to see my kinsman, who sat some time with me, and whom I like of all things. He makes it out (for he seems a great meddler in these matters) that we are originally Italian people, pirates by name, Campo Bello; the same family as the Scottish Campbells; the same family as the Norman Beauchamps: how I only wish it were true! I have, and always have had, the greatest love and veneration for old blood; I would rather by far have some barbarous Saxon giant to my ancestor, than all the wealth of the earth to my dower. I parted from my friend with much regret; he has won my heart fairly. When he was gone, came up to my own room. The day was brilliant and unclouded; and, as I looked into the serene blue sky, my spirit longed for wings.
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Dr. —— called this morning, and interested me by a long account of Webster; in the course of which, however, he gave me, if possible, a stronger distaste than I had before to the form of government in this country, from various results which he enumerated as inevitably belonging to it. Read a canto in Dante: it consoles me to read my Italian, and forget for a time all that is.
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I sat watching the glorious sunset, as it came redly streaming into my room, touching every thing with glory, and shining through my hair upon my book. It suggested to me a picture; and I wrote one for Mrs. ——, who had been consulting me about a costume in which to sit for her portrait. Dined at five: my father dined out. After dinner, sat writing journal till ten, when he returned. The moon was shining soft and full, and he asked me if I would take a walk. I bonneted and booted, and we sallied forth to the Schuylkill. The moon withdrew herself behind a veil of thin white clouds, but left a grey clear light over the earth, and through the sky. We reached the Fair Mount bridge at about eleven. The turnpike was fast, and every body asleep, so we climbed over the gate, and very deliberately pursued our way through the strange dark-looking covered bridge, where the glimmering lamps, at distant intervals, threw the crossing beams and rafters into momentary brightness, that had a strange effect contrasted with the surrounding gloom.[75] We reached the other side, and, turning off from the road, began climbing the hill opposite the breakwater. The road was muddy in the valley with heavy rains; and unwilling to wade through the dirt, we clambered along a paling for several yards, and so escaped the mire. My father steered for the grassy knoll just opposite Fair Mount; and there, screened by a thicket of young cedar bushes, with the river breaking over the broad dam far below us, and the shadowy banks on the other side melting away in the soft grey light, we sat down on a tree trunk. Here we remained for upwards of a quarter of an hour without uttering a syllable; indeed, we had not spoken three words since we set out. My father was thinking, I presume, of —— something; I, of the day of judgment—when these thick forests, and wide strong waters, like a shrivelled scroll, are to burn to ashes before the coming of God's justice. We were disturbed by a large white spaniel dog, who, coming down from among the cedar bushes, reminded me of the old witch stories, and Faust. We arose to depart, and took our way towards the Market Street bridge, along the banks of the river. The broken notes of a bugle-horn came at intervals across the sleeping waters from the opposite shore, where shone reflected the few lingering lights from the houses that had not yet shut up for the night. The moon, faintly struggling through the clouds, now touched the dark pyramids of the cedar trees that rose up into the grey sky, and threw our shadows on the lonely path we were pursuing, now cast a pale gleam through the rapid clouds that chased one another like dreams across the sky. The air was soft and balmy as the night air of mid August. The world was still; and, except our footfalls, as we trudged along, no sound disturbed the universal repose. We did not reach home till half-past twelve. As we walked down Market Street, through the long ranges of casks, the only creatures stirring, except some melancholy night-loving cat, my father said very calmly, "How I do wish I had a gimlet."—"What for?"—"What fun it would be to pierce every one of these barrels." For a gentleman of his years, this appeared to me rather a juvenile prompting of Satan; and as I laughingly expostulated on the wickedness of such a proceeding, he replied with much innocence, "I don't think they'd ever suspect me of having done it;" and truly I don't think they would. Came home, and to bed. That was a curious fancy of my father's.
Friday, 7th.
A break. Found —— in the breakfast-room. The morning was very unpropitious; but I settled to ride at one, if it was tolerably fine then. He remained pottering a long time: when he was gone, practised, habited, went in, for a few minutes, to Mrs. ——. At one the horses came; but mine was brought without a stirrup, so we had to wait, Lord knows how long, till the blundering groom had ridden back for it. At length we mounted. "Handsome is that handsome does," is verity; and, therefore, pretty as was my steed, I wished its good looks and itself at the devil, before I was halfway down Chestnut Street. It pranced, and danced, and backed me once right upon the pavement. We took the Laurel Hill road. The day was the perfection of gloom—the road six inches deep in heavy mud. We walked the whole way out! my father got the cramp, and lost his temper. At Laurel Hill we dismounted, and walked down to the river side. How melancholy it all looked! the turbid rhubarby water, the skeleton woods, the grey sky, and far winding away of the dark rocky shores; yet it was fine even in this gloom, and wonderfully still. The clouds did not move,—the water had not the faintest ripple,—the trees did not stir a branch; the most perfect and profound trance seemed to have fallen upon every thing. —— and I scrambled down the rocks towards the water, expatiating on the capabilities of this place, which was once a country-seat, and with very little expense might be made a very enchanting as well as a very comfortable residence; always excepting, of course, the chance of fever and ague during the summer months, when the whole of the banks of the Schuylkill, high and rocky as they are, are considered so unhealthy, that the inhabitants are obliged to leave their houses until the winter season, when the country naturally loses half its attractions. At half-past three, we mounted, and, crossing the river, returned home by a much better road. My horse, however, was decidedly a brute,—pulled my arms to pieces, cantered with the wrong leg foremost, trotted in a sort of scuttling fashion, that rendered it utterly impossible to rise in the stirrup, and, instead of walking, jogged the breath out of my body. I was fairly done up when we reached home. Dressed, and dined; —— dined with us. After dinner, went and sat with Mrs. ——. So it seems Carolina is in a state of convulsion. Reports have arrived that the Nullifiers and Unionists have had a fight in Charleston, and that lives have been lost. "Bide a wee," as the Scotchman says; we talk a good deal on the other side the water of matters that are far enough off; but as for America, the problem is not yet solved—and this very crisis (a more important one than has yet occurred in the political existence of this country) is threatening to slacken the bonds of brotherhood between the states, and shake the Union to its centre. The interests of the northern states are totally different from, and in some respects opposite to, those of the southern ones.
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The tariff question is the point in debate; and the Carolinians have, it seems, threatened to secede from the Union in consequence of the policy pursued with regard to that. I was horrified at Dr. ——'s account of the state of the negroes in the south. To teach a slave to read or write is to incur a penalty either of fine or imprisonment. They form the larger proportion of the population, by far; and so great is the dread of insurrection on the part of the white inhabitants, that they are kept in the most brutish ignorance, and too often treated with the most brutal barbarity, in order to insure their subjection. Oh! what a breaking asunder of old manacles there will be, some of these fine days; what a fearful rising of the black flood; what a sweeping away, as by a torrent, of oppressions and tyrannies; what a fierce and horrible retaliation and revenge for wrong so long endured—so wickedly inflicted. When I came in to tea, at half-past eight, found Dr. —— there.
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When he was gone, sang a song or two, like a crow in the quinsy.
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Wednesday, 12th.
After breakfast, went to rehearsal; after rehearsal, went to ——'s. It poured with rain. Came home; put out things for the theatre; practised for an hour; finished letter to ——; wrote journal; dined at three. After dinner, went and sat with Mrs. ——. Sang to her all my old Scotch ballads; read the first act of the Hunchback to her. At half-past five, went to the theatre. Play, King John; house good: I played horribly. My voice, too, was tired with my exertions, and cracked most awfully in the midst of "thunder," which was rather bad.
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I had finished early, and came home in my dress in order to show it to Mrs. ——. She was just gone to bed, but admitted me.
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Sat talking to her until my father came home. So "Old Hickory" means to lick the refractory southerns: why they are coming to a civil war! However, the grumblers haven't the means of fighting without emancipating and arming their slaves. That they will not and dare not do; the consequence will be, I suppose, that they will swallow the affront, and submit.
Thursday, 13th.
While dressing, had the pleasure of witnessing from my window a satisfactory sample of the innate benevolence, gentleness, and humanity of our nature: a child of about five years old, dragging a cat by a string tied to its throat round and round a yard, till the poor beast ceased to use its paws, and suffered itself to be trailed along the ground, after which the little fiend set his feet upon it, and stamped and kicked it most brutally. The blood came into my face; and, though almost too far for hearing, I threw up the sash, and at the top of my voice apostrophised the little wretch with "Hollo there! wicked, naughty boy!" He seemed much puzzled to discover whence this appeal proceeded, but not at all at a loss to apply it; for, after looking about with a very conscience-stricken visage, he rushed into the house, dragging his victim with him. I came down, fairly sick, to breakfast. After despatching it, I put on my bonnet and walked round to the house where this scene had taken place. I enquired for the child, describing his appearance, and he was presently brought to me; when I sat down at the foot of the stairs in the hall, and spent some time in expatiating on the enormity of such proceedings to the little ruffian, who, it seems, has frequently been corrected for similar ferocities before. I fear my preachment will not avail much. Came home, put room to rights, practised for an hour; got ready, and dawdled about most dreadfully, waiting for D——, who had gone out with my father. At half-past twelve, set off with her to the riding-school. It was full of women in long calico skirts, and gay bonnets with flaunting feathers, riding like wretches; some cantering, some trotting, some walking—crossing one another, passing one another in a way that would have filled the soul of Fossard with grief and amazement. I put on a skirt and my riding-cap, and mounted a rough, rugged, besweated white-brown beast, that looked like an old trunk more than any thing else, its coat standing literally on end, like "quills upon the fretful porcupine," with heat and ill condition. 'Tis vain attempting to ride like a Christian on these heathen horses, which are neither broken, bitted, nor bridled properly; and poor dumb creturs have no more idea of what a horse ought to be, or how a horse ought to behave, than so many cows. My hair, presently, with the damp and the shaking, became perfectly straight. As I raised my head, after putting it up under my cap, I beheld —— earnestly discoursing to D——. I asked for Tuesday's charger; and the school having by degrees got empty, I managed to become a little better acquainted with its ways and means. 'Tis a pretty little creature, but 'tis not half broken, is horribly ill ridden, and will never be good for any thing—what a pity! At two o'clock I dismounted: —— walked home with us. Went in to see Mrs. ——: she seemed a good deal better, I thought; sat some time with her. Mr. —— has sent me back my book of manuscript music: played and sang half through it. Came to my room; tried on dresses for Lady Macbeth, and the Wonder, and dressed for dinner. My father dined out. After dinner, went in to see Mrs. ——. Sat some time with her mother, her chicks, and her young doctor of a cousin, who is quite a civilised mortal. Poor Mrs. —— was too ill to see me. Came to the drawing-room, wrote journal, played and sang till tea-time. After tea, read the history of Knickerbocker, whereat I was like to have died, through the greate merrimente its rare and excellente pleasantries did cause in me, insomuche that I lay on the sofa screaming, very much like one lunaticke.
Friday, 14th.
After breakfast, put out things for the theatre. Practised for an hour; read and marked the Comedy of Errors, which is really great fun: perhaps not funnier than Amphytrion, but the subject is more agreeable a good deal. Read a canto in Dante; got ready for the riding-school; found —— and Mr. —— in the drawing-room. As we were going out, the gentlemen did not remain long. When they were gone, D—— and I set off for the riding-school. We were hardly there before —— made his appearance: I wonder what he'll do for an interest, by the by, when we are gone.
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The school was quite empty, so we had it all to ourselves. D—— mounted up upon a detestable shambling brute, that wouldn't go no how. I had a fancy for making my little fiery charger leap over the bar, and made Mr. —— put it down for me. The beast had no idea of such saltatory proceedings, and jerked himself over it three times most abominably. The fourth time I pushed him at it, he jumped, and I jumped too, out of the saddle on to my feet, having lighted down very comfortably at the horse's head with the reins in my hand, neither hurt nor frightened. This is the first time a horse ever had me off. I got on again, but declined leaping any more. At a quarter to three we returned home. —— walked with us. At the corner of Sansom Street, met young ——. Heaven bless —— from a challenge! Came home; dined: after dinner, went in and sat with Mrs. —— till coffee-time. Showed her my dresses, and read her a scene or two of the Hunchback. Went to the theatre at half-past five. Play, the Hunchback—the house was literally crammed. I played very well, except being out in my town scene—an unwonted occurrence with me. After the play, came home, supped, and read the Wonder, which I thought wondrous dull.
Saturday, 15th.
If I were to write a history of Philadelphia, according to the profound spirit of investigation for which modern tourists are remarkable, I should say that it was a peculiarity belonging to its climate, that Saturday is invariably a wet day. At twelve, went to rehearsal, after putting out things for the theatre. Had a long talk with Mr. —— about Pasta, the divine,—the only reality that ever I beheld that was as fair, as grand, as glorious as an imaginary being. Shall I ever forget that woman in Medea? I am thankful I have seen her. After rehearsal, called at Mr. ——'s. Saw and carried off his head of me in Juliet. Certainly the resemblance between myself and Mrs. Siddons must be very strong; for this painting might almost have been taken for a copy of Harlowe's sketch of my aunt in Lady Macbeth: 'tis very strange and unaccountable. Came home; wrote journal: went and sat with Mrs. —— till dinner-time. After dinner, went and sat with her again till coffee-time. Was introduced to Dr. ——, whom I liked very much.
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Showed her my dress and my bracelets. Had a long discussion about the precedence of one lady before another among the nobility of European courts, whereat her republican pride seemed highly offended. If Clay did, as Dr. —— describes, pass before titled men, at a dinner in England, with his hands in his breeches' pockets, it only follows thence that he was really ill bred, and would be thought vulgar if he did it unwittingly, and absurd if he did it intentionally. Went to the theatre at half-past five. The house was wonderful, considering the weather: the play was Fazio. I played pretty well: my dress was splendid.
Sunday, 16th.
Had only time to swallow a mouthful of breakfast, and off to church; where I heard about as thorough a cock and bull sermon as ever I hope to be edified withal. What shameful nonsense the man talked! and all the time pretending to tell us what God had done, what he was doing, and what he intended to do next, as if he went up into heaven and saw what was going on there, every five minutes. Came home; sat with Mrs. —— for a long time: I am very fond of her.
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Came to my own room, and studied Violante till dinner-time. How tiresome this pointless prose is to batter into one's head. After dinner, went and sat with Mrs. —— till near tea-time, when I came to the drawing-room. Presently, Mr. —— and Mr. —— called, also Dr. ——. I went to my father's room to apprise him of this invasion of the Goths, and found him very unwell, and labouring under a severe cold. He would not come down; so D—— and I had to entertain these interesting youths what fashion we best might. She gave them tea, and I gave them music, till half-past ten, when they departed.
Monday, 17th.
It poured with rain like the very mischief: a sort of continual gushing down from the clouds, combining all the vehemence of a thunder shower with all the pertinacity of one of our own November drizzles—delightful! Went to rehearse Macbeth. Had a delightful palaver with Mr. ——, who knows all the music that ever was writ, and all the singers that ever sang, and worships Pasta as I do. Came home; put out things for the theatre: dined at three. After dinner, went and sat with Mrs. —— till coffee-time. At half-past five, went to the theatre. In spite of the rain, the house was very full; and in all my life I never saw so large an assembly of people so perfectly and breathlessly still as they were during several of our scenes. I played like a very clever girl as I am; but it was about as much like Lady Macbeth as the Great Mogul. My father laboured his part too much.
Tuesday, 18th.
Received letters; one from dear ——, and one from ——. They did as letters from England always do by me,—threw me into a perfect nervous fever.
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After breakfast, went to rehearse the Wonder. Called in on my way on Mr. ——, who is painting a portrait of my father. Saw one or two lovely women's pictures. I wish he would go to England: I think it would answer his purpose very well. At two, went to the riding-school: rode till half-past three. The day was bitter cold, with a piercing wicked wind riding through the grey sky. D—— and I walked to pay sundry calls. Met ——, whom we had not seen for two or three days—a most unusual circumstance. He walked home with us. D—— and I dined tête-à-tête. On returning home, I found a most lovely nosegay of real, delicious, fragrant flowers. Sweet crimson buds of the faint-breathing monthly rose; bright vivid dark green myrtle; the honey Daphne Odora, with its clusters of pinky-white blossoms; and the delicate bells of the tall white jasmine,—all sweet, and living, and fresh, as at midsummer: I was blissful! After dinner, I went in to Mrs. ——. Came back to the drawing-room. ——, who had taken the hint about our being alone in the evening, came in. I began making him sing, and taught him the Leaf and the Fountain: his voice sounded like when we were nearer home.
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Presently Mr. —— was announced. He was the author of the flowers.
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Wednesday, 19th.
After breakfast, —— called.
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Went to rehearsal,—afterwards, to the riding-school. The school was quite empty, and I alone. The boy brought me my horse, and I mounted by means of a chair. As I was cantering along, amusing myself with cogitations various, —— came in. He stayed the whole time I rode. I settled with him about riding to-morrow, and came home to dinner. After dinner, went in to see Mrs. ——: Dr. —— was there, who is a remarkably nice man. She is a very delightful person, with a great deal of intellect, and a wonderful quantity of fortitude and piety, and a total absence of knowledge of the world, except through books.
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Her children enchant me, and her care of them enchants me too. She is an excellent person, with a heart overflowing with the very best affections our nature is capable of, fulfilled, I think, to the uttermost.
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Stayed with her till time to go to the theatre. The house was very full: the play was the Wonder—my first time of acting Violante. My dress was not finished till the very last moment,—and then, oh, horror! was so small that I could not get into it. It had to be pinned upon me; and thus bebundled, with the dread of cracking my bodice from top to bottom every time I moved, and the utter impossibility of drawing my breath, from the narrow dimensions into which it squeezed me, I went on to play a new part. The consequence was that I acted infamously, and for the first time in my life was horribly imperfect—out myself and putting every body else out. Between every scene my unlucky gown had to be pinned together; and in the laughing scene, it took the hint from my admirable performance, and facetiously grinned in an ecstasy of amusement till it was fairly open behind, displaying, I suppose, the lacing of my stays, like so many teeth, to the admiring gaze of the audience; for, as I was perfectly ignorant of the circumstance, with my usual easy nonchalance, I persisted in turning my back to the folk, in spite of all my father's pulls and pushes, which, as I did not comprehend, I did not by any means second either. —— was at the play, also Dr. ——, also Henry Clay, who was received with cheers and plaudits manifold. Came home in my dress, and went in to show it to Mrs. —— and her mother, who were both in bed, but marvellously edified by my appearance.
Thursday, 20th.
The day was beautifully brilliant, clear, and cold—winter, but winter in dazzling array of sunshine and crystal; blue skies, with light feathery streaks of white clouds running through them; dry, crisp, hard roads, with the delicate rime tipping all the ruts with sparkling jewellery; and the waters fresh, and bright, and curling under the keen breath of the arrow-like wind. After breakfast, —— called. Walked out with him to get a cap and whip for D——. The latter he insisted on making her a present of, and a very pretty one indeed it was, with a delicate ivory handle, and a charming persuading lash. Went in for a short time to Mrs. ——, who entertained herself with letting all my hair down about my ears, and pulling it all manner of ways. At twelve habited, and helped to equip dear D——, who really looked exceedingly nice in her jockey habiliments. Went to the school, where we found —— waiting for us. Mounted and set forth. We rode out to Laurel Hill. The road was not very good, but no mud; and the warm gleesome sunlight fell mellowly over the lovely undulations of the land, with their patches of green cedar trees, and threadbare cloak of leafless woods, through which the little birds were careering merrily, as the reviving sunshine came glowingly down upon the world, like a warm blessing. Passed that bright youth, Mr. ——, on the road, riding very like an ass on horseback. When we reached Laurel Hill, we dismounted, tied up the horses, slacked their girths, and walked first up to that interesting wooden monument, where I inscribed my initials on our first ride thither. Afterwards, —— and I scrambled down the rocks to the river side, which D—— declined doing, 'cause vy?—she'd have had to climb up again. The water was like a broad dazzling river of light, and had a beautiful effect, winding away in brightness that the eye could scarce endure, between its banks, which, contrasted by the sunny stream, and blue transparent sky, appeared perfectly black. As I bent over a fine bluff (as they here call any mass of rock standing isolated), I espied below me a natural rocky arch, overhanging the river, all glittering with pure long diamond icicles. Thither —— convoyed me, and broke off one of these wintry gems for me. It measured about two feet long, and was as thick at the root as my wrist. I never saw any thing so beautiful as these pendant adornments of the silver-fingered ice god. Toiled up to the house again, where, after brushing our habits, we remounted our chargers, and came home. The river was most beautiful towards the bridge that they are building: the unfinished piers of which have a very pretty effect, almost resembling their very opposite, a ruin. The thin pale vapour of the steam-engine, employed in some of the works, rising from the blue water, and rolling its graceful waves far along the dark rocky shore, had a lovely fairy-like look, which even drew forth the admiration of ——, who, from sundry expressions which have occasionally fallen from him, I suspect to be rather well endowed with ideality. Reached home at half-past four. My father dined out. It was past ——'s dinner-time; so we invited him to stay and dine with us. After dinner, we fell somehow or another into a profound theological discussion; —— suddenly proposing for my solution the mysterious doctrine of the inherent sin of our nature, and its accompanying doom, death,—inherited from one man's sin, and one man's punishment. I am not fond of discoursing upon these subjects. 'Tis long since I have arrived at the conviction that the less we suffer our thoughts to dwell upon what is vague and mysterious in our most mysterious faith, and the more we confine our attention and our efforts to that part of it which is practical and clear as the noon-day, the better it will be for our minds here, and our souls hereafter. Surely they are not wise who seek to penetrate the unfathomed counsels of God, whilst their own natures, moral, mental, nay, even physical, have depths beyond the sounding of their plummet line. —— spoke in perfect sincerity and simplicity of the difficulty he found in believing that which was so "hard a saying;" and, as there was not the slightest particle of levity or ridicule in his manner, I spoke as earnestly as I felt and always feel upon this subject,—very strenuously advising him not to strain his comprehension upon matters which baffle human endeavour, which, after all our wanderings and weary explorings, still lead us back to the wide boundless waste of uncertainty; concluding by exhorting him to read his Bible, say his prayers, and go to church if he could,—or, if he could not, at all events to be as good as he could. While we were at tea, young —— and Dr. —— came in. They put me down to the piano, and I continued to sing until past eleven o'clock, when, somebody looking at a watch, there was a universal exclamation of surprise, the piano was shut down, the candles put out, the gentlemen vanished, and I came to bed.
I am sorry to find that I must skip Friday and Saturday, thereby omitting an account of an interesting ball at Mrs. ——'s, where the floors were duly chalked, the music very good, the women very lovely, and where I fell in again with my dear kinsman, whom I love devotedly, and whom I jumped half across a quadrille to greet with extended hands, which must greatly have edified the whole assembly. Likewise I must skip a most interesting account of a second polemical conversation with ——; in the course of which, to my great amazement, he managed to introduce a most vehement abuse of Dr. ——, whose admiration of my singing appears to have troubled him fully as much as the doctrine of original sin,—together with many other things worthy of note, which shall now die in oblivion, and the times return unenlightened to their graves.
Sunday, 23d.
Was only dressed in time to swallow two mouthfuls of breakfast, and get ready for church. —— came to know at what time we would ride, and walked with us to the church door.
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After church, came home,—habited; went and sat with Mrs. —— till half-past one. The villanous servants did not think fit to announce the horses till they had been at the door full half an hour, so that when we started it was near two o'clock. D—— seemed quite at her ease upon her gangling charger, and I had gotten up upon Mr. ——'s big horse, to see what I could make of him. The day was beautifully bright and clear, with a warm blessed sunshine causing the wintry world to smile. We had proceeded more than halfway to Laurel Hill without event, when, driving my heavy-shouldered brute at a bank, instead of lifting up his feet, he thought fit to stumble, fall, and fling me very comfortably off upon the mound. I sprang up neither hurt nor frightened, shook my habit, tightened my girths, and mounted again; when we set off, much refreshed by this little incident, which occasioned a world of mirth and many saucy speeches from my companions to me. At Laurel Hill the master of the house came bowing forth with the utmost courteousness to meet me, expressing his profound sense of the honour I did him in deigning to inhale the air around his abode, and his unspeakable anguish at having been absent when I had so far condescended before. He was a foreigner,—French or Italian, or such like,—which accounts for his civility. Had the horses taken to the stable, and their girths slackened. D—— kept the heights, and —— and I ran, slipped, slid, and scrambled down to the water's edge. The river was frozen over, not, however, strongly enough to bear much, and every jutting rock was hung with pure glittering icicles that shone like jewels in the bright sunshine. Far down the river all was still and lonely, and bright, yet wintry-looking. The flow of the water and its plashing music were still; there was no breath of wind stirring the leafless boughs; the sunlight came down, warm and dazzling upon the silent sparkling world, all clad in its shimmering ice robe: the air was transparent and clear, and the whole scene was perfectly lovely. Taming to re-ascend the rocks, I called aloud to D——, and the distinctest loudest echo answered me. So perfect was the reflection of the sound, that at first I thought some one was mocking me. I ran up a scale as loud, and high, and rapid as I could; and, from among the sunny fields, a voice repeated the threaded notes as clearly, as rapidly, only more softly, with a distinctness that was startling. I never heard an echo that repeated so much of what was sung or said. I stood in perfect enchantment, exercising my voice, and provoking the hidden voice of the air, who answered me with a far-off tone, that seemed as though the mocking spirit fled along the hill tops, repeating my notes with a sweet gleeful tone that filled me with delight. Oh, what must savages think an echo is? How many many lovely and wild imaginations are suggested by that which natural philosophers analyse into mere conformations of earth and undulations of air! At length we joined D——, and walked to the house, where presently appeared the master of the mansion, with cakes, wine, cordial, preserves, or, as Comus hath it, "a table covered with all manner of deliciousness." I was at first a little puzzled by the epithet cordial applied to three goodly-looking decanters full of rosy and golden liquor, and which —— informed me is the invariable refreshment presented to visiters of both sexes who ride or drive up to Laurel Hill. To satisfy my curiosity, I put my lips to some of it, which proved to be no other than liqueur, an indifferent sort of noyau—that which soberest folks in England take but a thimble-full of after dinner, by way of chasse-café, and drunkenest folk would be ashamed to touch in the morning. It seems that it is otherwise here; and, indeed, generally speaking, Americans swallow much more of all sorts of spirituous nauseousness than we do in our country. The men take brandy, in a way that would astound people of any respectability in England, and in this, as well as many other ways, contribute to assist the enervating effects of their climate.[76] Our host waited himself most attentively upon us, and refused all species of remuneration save thanks, which, indeed, he said he owed me for so far honouring him as to stuff his cakes and drink his wine. We mounted again, being refreshed, and, taking leave of this pearl of innkeepers, continued our ride along the banks of the Schuylkill, until we came to Manayunk, a manufacturing place, where they create cottons, and which has the additional advantage of being most lovelily situated upon the banks of the river, backed by rocky heights, where the cedar bushes, with their rich dark tufts, and the fine bold masses of grey granite, together with a hundred little water-courses now hanging from every ridge they used to flow over in brilliant ice pendants, had a most beautiful effect. It was getting late, however, and we pushed on to the bridge; but, lo! when we reached it, it was under repair and impassable. What was to be done? the sun had withdrawn his warm rays from the heavens,—the lower earth was shadowy and dark,—a rich orange light hung over the brow of the ridge of hills on the opposite side of the river, whose current, rapid and strong, flowed darkly between beautiful slabs of granite which lay in its path, and round which the water hurried angrily. What was to be done? To turn back was disheartening,—to go on for the chance of a bridge was also to run the chance of being utterly benighted in paths we knew nothing of, and on horses which were any thing but safe. However, my evident inclination to the latter course prevailed with my companions. We crossed a narrow bridge, and pursued a sort of tow-path between the canal and the river. The glimmering daylight was fading fast from the sky, and the opposite shores of the river were losing their distinctness of outline, when, from between two beautiful bold masses of rock which overhung its entrance, the wooden bridge appeared. I should like to have lingered in this spot till nightfall, but this was by no means the bargain either with my fellow-travellers or my horse. So on we went over the bridge, and, turning to the left, pursued the river's side,—now close down to its gushing fretful waters, hurrying from between the rocky impediments of their path,—now high above its course, in the midst of woods growing to the very edge of the precipitous bank, with rocky ridges rising again above us, crowned with the black-looking tufts of the cedar, jagged with icicles, and from which descended, at every ten yards, a trickling rill, which, smoothed over by the glassy ice, rendered our horses' footing, particularly in the twilight, very insecure. We were in for it; and when that is the case, 'tis vain making lamentations or piteous retrospections: I therefore pushed on, with as much care as I could of Mr. ——'s tumble-down charger, whose headlong motion kept me in agonies, leaving —— to take care of dear D——, whose bones I feared would ach for this adventure most bitterly. The road was perfectly beautiful. Broad masses of shadowy clouds hung in the sky, and were reflected in the waters, together with the pale delicate grey of evening, and the last amber tinge of sunset. We did not reach Philadelphia till it was perfectly dark. To add to my consternation, too, when we asked —— to dine with us, he said that he had an engagement, for which I began to fear this ill-starred ride would have kept him too late.
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I came up to my own room, changed my clothes, and went in to see Mrs. ——.
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She was completely overpowered with laudanum. Her head was declined upon a chair.
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She looked very lovely, with her beautiful head bowed, and her dark eyelashes lying on her wan cheeks. Her features were contracted with suffering. I sat watching her with much heartfelt sadness and interest. I was summoned away, however, to see some gentlemen who were in the drawing-room, whither I adjourned, and where I found Mr. —— and Dr. ——. I was stupid and sleepy, and the gentlemen had the charity not to keep me up, or make me sing.
Monday, 24th, Christmas-eve.
After breakfast, put out clothes for to-night. When I came down, found —— in the drawing-room with my father: paid him his bill, and pottered an immensity. Went to rehearsal,—afterwards paid all manner of cards with poor dear D——, who puffed and panted through the streets in order not to freeze me, which, however, she did not escape.
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After dinner, went and sat with my poor invalid, whom, in spite of her republicanism, I am greatly inclined to like and admire. Remained with her till coffee-time. Went to the theatre: the play was the Merchant of Venice,—my favourite part, Portia. The house was very full: I played so-soish.
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Tuesday, 25th, Christmas-day.
I wish you a merry Christmas, poor child! away from home and friends. Truly, the curse of the old Scriptures has come upon me; my lovers and my acquaintance are far off from me. After breakfast, practised for and hour; went and saw Mrs. ——; drove out shopping; saw —— walking with my father. Came home and wrote journal: went out with D——; bought a rocking-horse for Mrs. ——'s chicks, whose merry voices I shall miss most horribly by and by. Dragged it in to them in the midst of their dinner. Dined at three. After dinner, went and sat with her till coffee-time. When I came into the drawing-room, found a beautiful work-box sent me by that very youthful admirer of mine, Mr. ——. I was a little annoyed at this, but still more so at my father's desiring me to return it to him, which I know will be a terrible mortification to him. Went to the theatre: the house was crammed with men, and very noisy,—a Christmas audience. Play, Macbeth: I only played so-so. Oh, me! these marks in the stream of time, over which it breaks as over a dam, drawing our attention, which without them would even less often note its rapid, rapid current! They do but become halting-posts for our souls, round which gather the memories of days and hours escaped and gone from us for ever.[77]
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Wednesday, 26th.
After breakfast, put out things for theatre. When I came down to the drawing-room, I found a middle-aged gentleman of very respectable appearance sitting with my father. He rose on my coming in, and, after bowing to me, continued his discourse to my father thus:—"Yes, sir, yes; you will find as I tell you, sir, the winter is our profitable theatrical season, sir; so that if any thing should take you to England, you can return again at the beginning of next fall." I modestly withdrew to another end of the room, supposing they were engaged upon business. But my curiosity was presently attracted by the continuation of his discourse. "And recollect, sir, and this lady, your daughter, too, if you please, that what I have said must not on any account be repeated out of this room. I am myself going immediately to England, and from thence direct to Jerusalem!" I stared. "There, sir, is my real name, ——: the card I sent up to you is not my real name. You see, sir, I am an Irishman, that is to say, in fact, I am really a Jew. I am one of those of the tribe of Ephraim who refused to cross the Red Sea: we were not to be humbugged by that damned fellow, Moses,—no, sir, we were not!" Here my heart jumped into my throat, and my eyes nearly out of my head with fright and amazement. "Well," continued the poor madman, "I suppose I may deliver this to the young lady herself;" giving me a small parcel, which I took from him as if I thought it would explode and blow me up. "And now, sir, farewell. Remember remember, my words,—in three years, perhaps, but certainly in ten, He that will come will come, and it's all up with the world, and the children of men!" This most awful announcement was accompanied with a snap of his fingers, and a demi-pirouette. He was then rushing out of the room, leaving his cloak behind him. My father called him back to give it him. He bundled himself into it, exclaimed, "God bless you both! God bless you both!—remember, what I have said requires the profoundest secrecy, as you perceive," and darted out of the room, leaving my father and myself with eyes and mouth wide open, gaping in speechless astonishment. At last I bethought me of opening the little packet the madman had left me. It was a small box, on the cover of which was written, To Miss Kemble, with the compliments of St. George. I then recollected, that some time past I had received some verses, in which love and religion were very crazily blended, signed St. George. But, as I am abundantly furnished with epistles of this sort, I had flung them aside, merely concluding the writer to be gone a short way from his wits. The box contained a most beautiful and curious ornament, something like a Sévigné, highly wrought in gold and enamel, and evidently very costly. I was more confounded than ever, and did not recover from my amazement and fright for a long time. I went in to Mrs. —— to tell her the event. Thence we began talking about young ——'s box; and, upon her advice, I again spoke to my father and obtained his leave not to send it back; so I indited him a thankful epistle. Practised for a short time, and then went to the riding-school. It was quite empty: I put on my cap and skirt, and was sitting, thinking of many things, in the little dressing-room, when I heard the school-door open, and Mr. —— walked straight up to me.
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Dr. —— called to-day. I was quite glad to see him: he gave me all the New York news, and brought with him a gentleman, a friend of his, who nearly made me sick by very deliberately spitting upon the carpet. Mercy on me! I thought I should have jumped off my chair, I was so disgusted. Mr. ——, too, does this constantly.
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After dinner, went and sat with Mrs. ——; was called away to see Mr. ——, whom I thanked for his present.
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Went to the theatre at half-past five. The house was very fair, considering the weather, which was very foul. Play, School for Scandal. They none of them knew their parts, or remembered their business—delightful people, indeed! I played only so-so. —— supped with us. He is a very gentlemanly nice person, and I am told he is extremely amiable.
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He told me sundry steam-boat stories that made my blood curdle; such as, a public brush, a public comb, and a public tooth-brush. Also, of a gentleman who was using his own tooth-brush,—a man who was standing near him said, "I'll trouble you for that article when you've done with it." When he had done with it, the gentleman presented it to him, and on receiving it again, immediately threw it into the river, to the infinite amazement of the borrower, who only exclaimed, "Well, however, you're a queer fellow."[78]
Thursday, 27th.
After breakfast, went to rehearsal. Katharine and Petruchio. After rehearsal, went to the riding-school. It was quite empty, except of Mr. ——, and Mr. ——.
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Came home: found a letter to me from that strange madman. On opening it, it proved a mere envelope, containing a visiting-card with the name St. George upon it. After dinner, wrote journal; went and sat with Mrs. —— till coffee-time. I have had a most dreadful side-ach all day.
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At half-past five, went to the theatre. Play, Much Ado about Nothing; farce, Katharine and Petruchio.
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At the end I was so tired, and so overcome with the side-ach, that I lay down on the floor perfectly done up.
Friday, 28th.
After breakfast, —— called. Settled to ride, if possible, to-morrow. I would give the world for a good shaking. I'm dying of the blue devils: I have no power to rouse myself.
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When —— was gone, sat down to practise. Tried Mrs. Hemans's Messenger Bird, but the words were too solemn and too sad: I sobbed instead of singing, and was a little relieved. Went in to see Mrs. ——. She seemed better; she was en toilette, in a delicate white wrapper, with her fine hair twisted up round her classical head. She is a beautiful person; she is better—an amiable, a sensible, and a pious one; I am very deeply interested by her; I like her extremely. At half-past one, went to the riding-school. I met there a daughter of old Lady ——'s, who introduced herself to me, and asked leave to stay and see me ride, which leave I gave her. The bay pony is, however, fairly ruined. A little wretch not twelve years old had just been riding it: it had fallen from all its paces, and went so lame that I gave up riding, and sat disconsolately enough in the little dressing-closet, looking through a window six inches square, at the blessed mild blue heavens, and longing for wings, till my soul was like to faint.
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After dinner, wrote journal. Went in and sat with Mrs. ——. By the by, that worthy youth, Mr. ——, dined with us. I got rid of some of my vapours by sundry hearty laughs at him. I am sorry to leave Philadelphia on Mrs. ——'s account. I am growing to her. Oh, Lord! how soon, how soon we do this!—how we do cling to every thing in spite of the pitiless wrenches of time and chance! Her dear babies are delightful to me; their laughing voices have power to excite and make me happy,—and when they come dancing to meet me, my heart warms very fondly towards them.
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She amuses me much by her intense anxiety that I should be married. First, she wishes —— would propose to me; then she thinks Mr. ——'s estates in Cuba would be highly acceptable; in short, my single blessedness seems greatly to annoy her, and I believe she attributes every thing evil in life to that same. She seemed surprised, and a little shocked, when I said I would accept death most thankfully in preference to the happiest lot in life,—and so I would—I would. Yet death——. 'Tis strange, that Messenger Bird threw more than a passing gloom over me. If the dead do indeed behold those whom they have loved, with loving eyes and fond remembrance, do not the sorrows, the weariness, the toiling, the despairing of those dear ones rise even into the abodes of peace, and wring the souls of those who thence look down upon the earth, and see the woe and anguish suffered here? Or, if they do not feel,—if, freed from this mortal coil, they forget all they have suffered, all that we yet endure, oh! then what fourfold trash is human love! what vain and miserable straws are all the deep, the dear, the grasping affections twined in our hearts' fibres,—mingled with our blood! How poor are all things,—how beggarly is life! Oh! to think that while we yet are bowed in agony, and mourning over the dead,—while our bereaved hearts are aching, and our straining eyes looking to that heaven, beyond which we think they yet may hear our cries, they yet may see our anguish, the dead, the loved, the mourned, nor see, nor hear; or if they do, look down with cold and careless gaze upon the love that lifts our very souls in desperate yearning towards them. Yet one of the two must surely be: either the other life is like this, a life of pain, though not like this, perhaps, a life of selfishness; or this earth, and time, and all they hold, are a more hollow mockery than even I sometimes dream they are. I will not think any more of it. We went to the theatre at half-past five. Play, Hunchback; after it, Katharine and Petruchio. I thought I should have died of the side-ach,—I was in perfect agony. The people here are more civil and considerate than can be imagined. I sent, yesterday evening, for some water-ice: the confectioner had none; when, lo! to-night he brings me some he has made on purpose for me, which he entreats my acceptance of. I admired a very pretty fan Mrs. —— had in her hand; and at the end of the play she had it sent to my dressing-room;—and these sort of things are done by me, not once, but ten times every day. Nothing can exceed the kindness and attention which has encountered us every where since we have been in this country. I am sure I am bound to remember America and Americans thankfully; for, whatever I may think of their ways, manners, or peculiarities, to me they have shown unmingled good will, and cordial real kindness. Remained up, packing, till two o'clock.