San Francisco, Jan. 29th.
To Editor New York Newspaper where Truth is oftenly found on shrines & Virtue sets in very comfortable rocking-chair.
Dearest Sir—Japanese Schoolboys does not addict therselves to gleeful laugh of mirth, because some Noble Thought might escape away never to be catched. What say American songer, Hon. Seth Lowell, about almanac:
“What is so scarce as a day in June?”
Answer is: A Noble Thought is more scarcer!
And yet this morning-time I was uttering several gleeful screams which was unavoidable to dodge. Editorial of newspaper-print say, “Hon. Jo-uncle Cannon must be voted for because of face which have close shave to that of Hon. Abraham Lincoln.” Then I was to blame for them mirthfulness which almost-so cause race-riot in Japanese section.
It has become fashionable in this kingdom, Mr. Editor, for candidates wishing to become President to resemble Hon. Abraham Lincoln so closely as possible to. This is frequently difficult. Hon. Cannon is like Hon. Lincoln to roots of whiskers, but them foliage does not indicate very much about what is going on inside of soul. Difference between Hon. Lincoln and Hon. Cannon is difference between high-thinking and high-tariff. Resemblance of them two great Statesmen is only chin-deep. I. Anazuma, Japanese barber, say-how that expressions of Hon. Fairbanks & Hon. Hughes could be changed by trimming to make look-like of Hon. Lincoln. I am alarmed to think. Perhaps-so that famous globe-racer, Hon. Taft, might be also arranged over in some way, but would he not lose considerable solid Japanese vote in doing thus? I am amazed to reply.
Maybe it would be more human-natural for candidates wishing to enjoy election to hire from some costumer following masquerade:
Hon. Cannon disguised as Abraham Lincoln.
Hon. Taft disguised as Bismarck.
Hon. Hughes disguised as Viscount Aoki.
Hon. Cortelyou disguised as John Drew.
Hon. Bryan disguised as Elbert Hubbard.
Hon. Fairbanks disguised as Uriah Keep.
Them costumes might be payed for by Campaign Contributions, but will they? Wall Street regard bribing as sinful during depression of hard times.
Before leaving off from Tokyo for these Uniteds State I was considerably weeped over by my Rev. Grandfather, Japanese of elderly principles who say-so to me, “Togo, you are going to that wild kingdom of America which is very full of savage Christians. Do not go to Indiana because Indians is found there.”
“I am disgusted to think,” I commute. “What shall I do in this America so as not to disgrace my long row of ancestors?”
“Find yourself some Ideal,” corrode Hon. Grandfather. “Make pickout of some famous American what you can live up to them. Select to be like George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, or E. H. Harriman. Thank you to choose.”
So I leave that dear ancestor to his rice-cake, tea-drunk, hara-kiri and other old-fashion Japanese customs and take Nippon Maru-boat for America. When I arrive to wharf I meet Cousin Nogi and enquire to know.
“Should Japanese Boy imitate performances of Hon. E. H. Harriman in order to become immediately immortal?”
“Too dangerous to do!” indicate this Nogi with American eye-wink. “Hon. Harriman is now being regulated by law.”
“How about Hon. Washington and Hon. Lincoln to copy for famous career?” I magnetize for emotion.
“Hon. Washington could not tell a lie, while Hon. Lincoln was celebrated for gleeful anecdotes. Therefore Lincoln was most ablest man of them two. Also because of early struggly of career he was noble example for all Japanese Schoolboys enjoying poverty for American education.”
Then Cousin Nogi, who is very addicted to paragraphs of Hon. Ida M. Tarbell, tell me following history of early Lincoln:
“When Hon. Abe Lincoln enjoy seven years of oldness,” carouse this Nogi, “he desire to be President of these Uniteds State which was then a republick by government.
“‘How can you manage to be this President and yet work on farm?’ his Rev. Mother enquire to know.
“‘By running odd-jobs before times & book-study afterwards,’ molest this youthful enthusiasm with smiling expression.
“So with immediate quickness he obtain job of employment mowing grass, keeping books and running elevator for neighbouring farmer. He also tilled some soil for people. When not doing this he was studying ‘How to Be President,’ a book by George Washington who was then enjoying pension for oldness.
“In book-studies & job-duties Hon. Lincoln spend 24 hours daily. Balance of time was devoted to recreations, sleep & other idleness of amusement. This continual drudgery of employment teach that Lincoln many useful things,” conduce Nogi at expiration of this history.
“Ah yes!” I collapse, “it teach him to sympathize for them Negroes who was also enjoying slavery.”
I am natural to ask question: Was it good thing to request them Negroes to stop slaving? I have required for reply of several Japanese about this Negro Problemb, but they are unamerous to reply, “We do not know any such coloured acquaintances, thank you!” And they are proud about it. I wrote letter of this Question to Hon. Booker Washington who answered by sending C. O. D. “How I Quit Being One,” a delightful volume full of adjectives. How to know about Negro Question then?
I at last become acquaintance of Hon. J. Fortesque Smith, Negro-coloured gentleman who does mop-work at saloon of Hon. Strunsky who runs it. If all Negroes is like this Smith it must be a talented race. So filled of expression is his performances on Edison phonograph! With such raring pathos do he execute that famous negro melody, “Cheerful Widow Waltz” from them rubber disks! By hour I admire harmonious noise of Hon. Smith and that talented machine—then pretty soonly came around Hon. Strunsky with angry Irish voice to command more purchase of beer or get-out.
At last, Mr. Editor, I go around to grand opera of Williams & Walker, and there continue study of Negro Problemb. I was very intelligent about this until Hon. Johnson collapsed into raggle-time sing-songing entitled “Sus-a-OO, Lu-Lu, I-a want-a you too!” Suddenly I discover my feets performing jiu jitsu with therselves under seat. I rebuke them quietly, but they continue to misbehave until, at finally, they strike dark clergyman in ankle-bone and I am retired from that opera house after considerable race-riot.
O surely, it is wrong for that Africa to teach them diseases to Europe & Asia! And yet that raggle-time coon-singing is a species of chorus which shoots a long distance into my soul. I am very earnest about this dark-coloured harmony which comes with such splandid spasms through the shoes expressing comic emotions as it does so. Could you send me name and address of some talented Hon. Coon who would furnish tune, rimes, jokes, etc., for following poetical thought? For this he will receive ½ of what he gets.
COMIC THOUGHT SUITABLE FOR COON SONG OR SOME OTHER HYMN
In a soon letter of the future I wish to tell you how about one new party of politicks which the Japanese Thinking Society (of which I am a membership) is preparing to begin. This new Party of Politicks, I am hopeful to believe, is more better than Republican and Democratic parties of present. Anyhow, it is not any worser.
All well here with exception of J. Furo who is dead.
Hoping you are the same,
Yours truly,
Hashimura Togo.
S. P.—Tell me to know this: Of what State is Hon. Leslie M. Shaw the favourite son of? H. T.