San Francisco, February 23rd.
To postoffice of New York Newspaper to be found there by Editor.
Dear Sir: I will not vote for President this time, thank you, because your Emperor, Mr. Roosevelt, will not run to get it. Therefore I am neglectful about all other Candidates.
Little Annie Anazuma, eight-years-age, daughter of I. Anazuma, Japanese barber, come to me with childish inquisitive.
“Tell me one truth, Uncle Togo,” she deploy. “Is it possible to think that Japanese Boy will some day be President of this respectable kingdom?”
“Hardy so—and yet maybe,” I addict with deceptive expression.
“So happy to think!” negotiate this infant enthusiasm, with fond smiling. “Then how must he go to it to become such a President?”
“He must firstly obtain consent of Hon. Roosevelt, who probably would not give it,” I dictate because I am aware it might be so.
“Are it customary for Presidents to select with voice name of some gentleman what would be less disgusting to him for next King of America?” require this Infant Prodigal, who are too ingrown of brain for enjoy mere doll-play.
“Ah, sure yes!” I explode. “If gentleman what have been in White House 4 years do not know a good President when he see him, who would?”
“When inexperienced gentleman are called by White House to take job he must enjoy great agony trying to study Constitution, boat-building, Tuskagee, & other racing problembs necessary to encumbrance of office,” she say-it.
“That are still customary,” I report.
“Who commence to originate this merciful custom?” demand little Annie.
“Because you are childish I make education for you. Pres. Roosevelt done it.”
“So happy to know!” digest this Japanese child. “He is great Emperor of America—therefore he will last forever.”
“So sorry to reply,” I disgust. “Hon. Pres. Roosevelt will soon stop doing it.”
“Tell me to know, Uncle Togo,” examine this difficult infant. “Is not Emperors made to last considerable length?”
“In responsible kingdoms, yes-so—but in America, no-so. Here Kings is elected for 4 years to discouridge them.”
“These white-coloured foreigners is too hard answers for children to know,” say little Annie Anazuma running away for play-doll amusement.
I say these lectures to Little Annie with great pleasure to be telling something to somebody what believes it. But then come brain-thoughts which bring enjoyment of fierce pangs. What to do with America when Emperor Roosevelt has took himself from it? I enquire for answer.
I beg you to do it as request, Mr. Editor. Please have your printer put some words on editorial page asking Hon. Roosevelt to continue once more term as Emperor of this Republic. I enclose cash of 50c. to pay for your expense of writing, etc. Thank you so many!
Honest to truth, I am aggregated with anger to have Mr. Emperor Roosevelt dictate, “No thank you, not for three-times running!” Why so does he stop being King just at instant when all-national people is enjoying that American performance? It will be sad for my heart to see some private person occupying public career of Hon. Roosevelt when he gets through sitting on it.
What decry Julius Cæsar about being elected too much for Republican party of Rome? “One good term deserves another,” he command, and Mr. Brutus was pleased to be there with stabbing-knife. But this is different subject from what about it.
Now it is historical knowledge that Pres. Roosevelt is ignorant about fear. What does frighten him, then, about this Third Term business affair? Because Hon. Geo. Washington said not do it? So ridicule for great man to think! Hon. Roosevelt is not afraid of Hon. Washington. Then go ahead, Mr. Roosevelt, please! Continue terming for several more administrations.
Whenever I think of some private gentleman being public President of U. S. I spill tear-drop from sadness. Mere human person like Hon. Taft is large enough to entirely fill throne with himself but he can not fill it with that marvellous activity of Roosevelt.
Hon. Jenny Bryan, so I read by news-prints, has went out for duck-shoot and also hoping to slew some bears. This show how sadly he long for President. But nothing to do! Mr. Jenny is too quiet Democrat for election. He must murder something or make elopement with somebody’s grandmother to get photo in newspaper any more. Then American persons will remember he is alive and nominate him for another defeat.
In what administration was Hon. Bryan President of these Uniteds State? I ask these ignorant question because Hon. Bryan happened before I arrived here.
Time is passed, Mr. Editor, for American gentleman to be President by merely being so. Prince Albert cutaway and sky-scrape eye-brow with patriotic noise from stump are decomposed from modern politics, thank you. Successful candidate for America must not only stand on stump for speech—he must use stump for downside-up gymnasticks employing heels for passionate gestures. If candidate can not do nothing else he must be owner of Trust or some other respectable business.
Whenever I have look-at some American gentleman behaviour strange and queer in publick, then I enjoy suspicion, “That person is expecting for nomination to President!”
Because this. When gentleman require to be notice by Delegates of Convention he must perform something queer in publicity. Sometime he take too much cocktail, sometime too much buttermilk—drink depending on religious training. Then all newspapers go to his doorway and ask for photo, childhood and name of party by which he prefers to be runned. Pretty soonly this candidate is celebrated name in all mouths. After this he may be elected, which is too difficult to think about, thank you!
By last week I seen Yoni Sadekachi, wealthy and influential Japanese greenhouse, enjoying phenomenal cataclyptic spasm of fits on street corner. Large crowd was present including three American reporters. Next morning following headline in all American newspaper:
JAPANESE SPASM OF FITS!!!
HON. YONI SADEKACHI ENJOYS ONE AND
GAINS LARGE MERIT OF JAPANESE
VOTERS PRESENT.
WILL HE BE NOMINATION FOR PRESIDENT?
WE ASK TO KNOW
Pretty soonly news-children scream announcement all over this America. Political man see this and report. “Yes, please, this Hon. Yoni will make very happy candidate for Republican party with fusion of Japanese Socialists. It will be pleasant to mention him if everything else fails.”
This is to show, Mr. Editor, how dangerous it is to encourage talented Japanese in this kingdom.
One Japanese poem, please, for your printer to practise on:
SILENCE OF NEXT ADMINISTRATION
Therefore, Mr. Editor, I leave it to you. Silence is not best sweetest quality for energetic kingdom like this. Please fix Hon. Roosevelt to stay on chair for remainder of generation. For if he is removed panick of loneliness will assassinate Japanese Boy.
Hoping you will fix it by me,
Yours truly,
Hashimura Togo.
S. P.—I have obtained legitimate job of table-waiting at Fujiyama Restaurant where my mail will get to. H. Sunigawa, Prop., is one very patriotic gentleman who works as Japanese Spy when not employed.
H. T.