San Francisco, June 15th.
To Editor New York Newspaper which are a good advertising and spiritualistick medium about proper subjecks, but must not mention pat. medicines because of doped results.
Asteamed Sir—It are not merely Japanese alone which is surprised & excited over Rep National Convention meeting in Chicago. All-coloured persons is stimulated by it including Hon. Strunsky, Irish salooner by corner.
“It will be very august assembly,” corrode Hon. Strunsky by beer-glass.
“It will be June assembly in newspapers,” I devote. I am suspicious of something humoristick by American eye-wink from that Strunsky.
“Them Rep National Convention will be like a whale-fish,” he persume.
“Why will it be so whalish by nature?” I ask to know.
“Because of,” he-say. “It will be very large, very cool and full of spouts.”
“Are it not wrong politick for Republicans to be so fishy?” I am next to require, but Hon. Strunsky become busy with intemperate customers.
Newspaper reading of press makes all Japanese Boys feverish of mind about such Conventions which are representative and something else. Presidents is manufactured & pulled apart by such a Conventions. Are it not instructiverus for Japanese Boys to learn how to do such things with Presidents? So we have such a Convention for ourselves & trade pretty numberous thoughts to-gether in dine-room of Patriots of Japan Board & Lodging. Many ideas are burst by this.
Bunkio Saguchi, Japanese taylor, sound keynote to say,
“I represent a violent Tafty sentiment; therefore I should be interrupted by cheers.”
This are arranged from all.
“I make an emotion,” discourse this Bunkio, “that Hon. Taft be named by exclamation.”
“We are eager to make Tafty exclamations,” rotate F. Matsu, “but Hon. Roosevelt must be nominated first by request.”
“Hon. Nox are more safely Pennsylvanian to vote for,” erupt W. Furo who are a humourist because of his lame mind.
Arthur Kickahajama, missionary boy, say-so, “Tarified statesmen must stand patsy, resulting in pius victory for Jo-uncle Cannon. He are a splandid Lincoln Republican because of.”
“Because of which?” transfer Nogi.
“Because of sentimental whiskers,” dally Arthur.
“You are a Favourite Son,” say Nogi, who is expert in mean curses.
More insults is enjoyed. Then there is hits followed by jiu jitsu. Chair furniture is smashy to window including text-book & Japanese break-a-brack. Intermission by Police.
Japanese Boys Rep Convention adjurned sine diet.
“O what is so scarce as a day in June?” require to know Hon. Seth Lowell, American poeter. Answer to this is, “Republican Convention in June are still more scarcer.” It will of surely be a nice weather-condition for Chicago in June to have all them assorted minds going assimulusly in middle of Lake Shore. All sections of Chicago, which are not already occupied by Mayor Busse, will be full of Hon. W. Taft. Flags bunted everywhere with thrills. Patriotism enjoyed by all.
“Loyal sons of same fairish land parading under banner of the Nice Old Party with placards to show how harmonious they feel”
Since great World’s Fire of 1898 Hon. Chicago have not saw anything outside of Hon. Stockyards so beautiful & talented. If you got some kind of brain, Mr. Editor, imagine with it! Imagine 992 desperate statesmen which has all signed the pledge to vote for something, then approach together for purpose. Could eye-flash be omitted, could heart-sob be out, could speeching with voice be neglected for such occasion? Answer is, No! Put imaginative opera-glass on them great Congregation. East & West, North and some sections of South, hit together in firm bond of union with common devotion of patriotick thought, “Let us see Chicago and go home!” Loyal Sons of same fairish land parading under banner of the Nice Old Party with following placards to show how harmonious they feel:
“We Want Teddy.”
“We Don’t.”
“Hon. Fairbanks is Tall & Fair.”
“Hon. Nox is Short & Ugly.”
“Hon. Cannon is a Big Boom.”
“Hon. Cannon Are a False Report.”
“We Want Senator Forker.”
“We Want Rockefeller—But We Can’t Have Him.”
“A Close Shave for Gov. Hughes.”
“Hon. Taft Will Put Down the Trusts.”
“Hon. Cannon Will Put Them Down More Gently.”
“Roosevelt Forever!”
“It Looks That Way.”
Mr. Editor, if you can imagine them things it will not be necessary for you to buy ticket to Chicago. And yet them Convention will be a great service to see because so much of. Every State in this Hon. Union will be misrepresented by some great man or another. Oftenly two or three statesmen will do this. Brains will enjoy fatigue from enormous Thought. Prominent druggers of Chicago will get some permits to sell headache powders to Delegates before & after speeches. When nothing else seem important the Hon. Band will play Star Spangly Banner (national tune) and Hon. Delegates will play Poker (national game). Excitement will never lax.
Little Annie Anazuma, eight-year-aged daughter of I. Anazuma, Japanese barber, are excited about them Convention because she have a conventional mind.
“I read by papers, Uncle Togo,” she-say, “that Republican Convention will spend $3,000 for music.”
“Musical chins is expensive,” I deploy.
“Tell me to know, Uncle Togo,” she submit, “what are a Temporarial Chairman about which so much reading is done of lately?”
“A Temporarial Chairman are a musician hired to toot key-note for such a Convention,” I arrange.
“What will be key-note of Republican Convention?” require that childish Japanese.
“You are too young to imagine,” I collapse. “There must be 47 key-notes to please all variety of Republicans.”
“Such a chairman should be a brass band,” signify little Annie.
I am silent for reply.
“Why are Senator Borrows called ‘Julius Cæsar’?” are next question for that infant mind.
“Julius Cæsar are name of antique Statesman who was stabbed,” I berate.
“Will Hon. Borrows enjoy such a stabbing?” she talk off.
“Possibly never,” I derange. “Hon. Borrows will resume Hon. Chair as a very much instructed Delegate. He are instructed to look patriotick, but not to act too nervous about it. He must not do nothing to stampede them Convention. A room full of Delegates are like a yard full of mule-horses. They are shy about sudden noises. They have animal natures. They are very anxious to enjoy a stampede. If Hon. Temp. Chairman say ‘Roosevelt!’ of sudden with voice, then such kick-over, snort, hoof-tramp, squeal & panderonium might ensue that Hon. Roosevelt might be nominated before Hon. Fire Dept. could burst in & put out enthusiasm of with wet hoses. Temp. Chairman must arouse Republicans in soothing sort of way. He are allowed to mention patriots of Bunko Hill; but about San Juan Hill nothing to said. American Colonial History are nice thing for such occasions.
“‘Patriots & Senator Penrose,’ would be quiet sort of beginning. ‘What happen on bleak New English coast by several centuries of past-time? Hon. Plymouth Rock was discover by boat Mayflower.’
“(‘Several cheers for Presidential Yacht!’ outcry California Delegate with stampeding motion of thumbs.)
“‘Pilgrim Parents grew that Rock and we can prove it,’ delude that Hon. Temp, ‘and Republican Party are deliciously like them Plymouth Rock, emblem of free & brave, beautiful American ideal covered with moss and in garments green indistinct in the twilight. Quotation from Longfellow——’
“(‘Our ticket, Fairbanks & Longfellow!’ say voice from Indiana.)
“‘Plymouth Rock have stood stationary for 1,000’s of year and refused to move itself for nothing or nobody. That are a very dignified lesson for Republican Party to stand on.’
“(‘Banzai for Cannon & Fort!’ decry voice with New Jersey accent.)
“‘Plymouth Rock are a silent tribute of strength. One safely sane Republican President should be such a silent tribute. What say Hon. Dan Webster about Presidential candidates? He-say, “A roaring stone pleases no boss.” Therefore let us do nice job by Republican faith, a faith what is builded on stones of ancestors and rocks of Wall Street.’
“(Faint shrieking of ‘Teddy!’ from uninstructed Arizona delegate. Stampede repressed by fire-drill.)”
“Are Hon. Cæsar choice of Administration?” enquire little Annie.
“So sorry to reply,” I dement. “Hon. Beverage are more sweethearted to Hon. Administration, but patriotick Senators say he are too intemperate with talk.”
“Prohibition Republicans is opposed to all Beverages,” abrogate little Annie, resuming doll-play of childhood.
Hon. Taft got back shortly ago from Panama Canal where he was sent to study Republican Majority. He are now nervous about a trip to Philippine Islands where he is anxious not to be needed till after Convention have got through with him. Hon. Taft do not seek no nomination, but he are willing to occupy address where he can be found if looked for. Philippine Islands is too distant for such modesty. If duty called Hon. Taft to such farness away, I bet my bootware he would hear duty making race-riot in Chicago during middle of June.
Hon. Taft are largest Policyholder in Roosevelt Insurance Society. He will be nominate so easily that it appear deceptive. I know because I am aware. I am sometimes full of rejoice that I have not got a ticket for that Hon. Convention because it would be a tired thing to set for 5-day race in them Convention Hall to hear something happen what you know is arranged in advance.
Mr. Editor, newspaper-press of all-coloured politicks has enjoyed considerable agony about White Shadow of Administration hovvering over them Convention.
I presume of my knowledge that Hon. Roosevelt are setting in them Light House at Washington suffering from pains in laughing-bone. He hear them Malefactors nervously chattering teeth about III Term, he are conscious about excitement from Subsidized persons which looks over shoulders for fearful of More of It; he are aware of very solidified O-Hio curses with instructions to Look Out.
But Hon. Roosevelt, setting in barber-chair at Light House, are smoking smoke and carving on deathly end of Big Club following instructions,
“To be Preserved in Alcohol until Needed in 1912.”
“You have been President once and ½,” say Jacob Riis from press chair.
“Of sure I have,” say Hon. Pres., “and I gave American audiences a very nice performance.”
“Every good performance deserve an encore,” admire Hon. Riis.
“I have been hunting them for several year,” say Hon. Roosevelt for parlayzed expression of thought. “And many of them are still alive & savage.”
“What you speak of,” enquire Hon. Riis, “them Trusts?”
“No,” renig Hon. Roosevelt, “them Bears.”
“What else to do when all is over?” require Hon. Jake.
“I shall go to Wales and hunt rabbits.”
“Why such distances away?” derange him.
“Wales is nice country for rests. In Wales they do not know a rebate from a rabbit.”
After this is loud scratching from pencils.
Hoping you will send me a free wire telegraf if Hon. Roosevelt gets elected by mistake,
Yours truly,
Hashimura Togo.