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Love and Freindship [sic]

Chapter 44: THE FIRST ACT OF A COMEDY
By Jane Austen
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About This Book

A collection of early, mostly epistolary pieces that parody sentimental fiction and other formal genres, blending melodrama, ironic exaggeration, and playful experimentation. Short letter-narratives stage overwrought lovers, improbable misfortunes, and performative virtue, while an unfinished epistolary novel extends domestic incident and social exchange. Parodic historical sketches recast the national past with comic bias, and brief plays, essays, and travel letters widen the satirical focus. The work alternates exuberant parody and touches of genuine feeling, showcasing an emergent comic voice and the beginnings of narrative technique across compact, varied forms.

THE FIRST ACT OF A COMEDY

Characters

PopgunMaria
CharlesPistolletta
PostilionHostess
Chorus of ploughboysCook
andand
StrephonChloe

SCENE—AN INN

Enter Hostess, Charles, Maria, and Cook.

Hostess to Maria
If the gentry in the Lion should want beds, shew them number 9.

Maria
Yes Mistress.—exit Maria

Hostess to Cook
If their Honours in the Moon ask for the bill of fare, give it them.

Cook
I will, I will. exit Cook.

Hostess to Charles
If their Ladyships in the Sun ring their Bell—answer it.

Charles
Yes Madam. exeunt Severally.

SCENE CHANGES TO THE MOON, and discovers Popgun and Pistoletta.

Pistoletta
Pray papa how far is it to London?

Popgun
My Girl, my Darling, my favourite of all my Children, who art the picture of thy poor Mother who died two months ago, with whom I am going to Town to marry to Strephon, and to whom I mean to bequeath my whole Estate, it wants seven Miles.

SCENE CHANGES TO THE SUN—

Enter Chloe and a chorus of ploughboys.

Chloe
Where am I? At Hounslow.—Where go I? To London—. What to do? To be married—. Unto whom? Unto Strephon. Who is he? A Youth. Then I will sing a song.

SONG

I go to Town
And when I come down,
I shall be married to Streephon.*
And that to me will be fun.

[* Note the two e’s]

Chorus

Be fun, be fun, be fun,
And that to me will be fun.

Enter Cook—

Cook
Here is the bill of fare.

Chloe reads
2 Ducks, a leg of beef, a stinking partridge, and a tart.—I will have the leg of beef and the partridge.

Exit Cook.

And now I will sing another song.

SONG

I am going to have my dinner,
After which I shan’t be thinner,
I wish I had here Strephon
For he would carve the partridge if it should be a tough one.

Chorus

Tough one, tough one, tough one
For he would carve the partridge if it
Should be a tough one.

Exit Chloe and Chorus.—

SCENE CHANGES TO THE INSIDE OF THE LION.

Enter Strephon and Postilion.

Streph:)
You drove me from Staines to this place, from whence I mean to go to Town to marry Chloe. How much is your due?

Post:
Eighteen pence.

Streph:
Alas, my freind, I have but a bad guinea with which I mean to support myself in Town. But I will pawn to you an undirected Letter that I received from Chloe.

Post:
Sir, I accept your offer.

END OF THE FIRST ACT.