(pushes him into cupboard, R. Business, he not liking to go in. Rap again.)
Meet me beneath the haunted tree to-morrow.
Gen. B. Adieu!
Coq. Pray go!
Gen. B. This parting’s such sweet sorrow.
(He goes into cupboard, crush of broken glass heard. He puts his head out again.)
I’ve sat upon your glasses!
Coq. Take it easy.
My absence won’t be long.
Gen. B. (Sniffs about cupboard.) Your scents are cheesy.
(Exit into cupboard. She runs to door and opens it. Enter Capt. Pounce. She curtseys, and looks down demurely. He comes front, twirling his moustache.)
Capt. P. So this is where you live, child, is it, weally?
You’re up amongst the clouds here.
Coq. Yes, Sir, nearly.
Capt. P. (Gallantly) For such a chewub quite a pwoper place.
(Aside.) Upon my word, a vewy pwetty face!
(Looks out of window at R.)
And what a view! All twees and sheep in flocks,
And wolling waves awound those wugged wocks.
(She is standing by him as he speaks the last words. He puts arm round her waist.)
Coq. That’s not a “wugged wock.” Don’t let it trouble you,
But have you such a thing as a spare W?
Capt. T. Oh, weally, pon my life, you’re vewy pwetty.
Coq. I thank you kindly, Sir.
Capt. P. And weally witty.
Yes. If I’d got some place to which to cawwy you,
Upon my word I’d weally like to mawwy you.
Coq. (Aside) The darling! He’s a man a girl can love.
Capt. T. (Looking on ground.) I fear I’ve lost it now.
Coq. Your heart?
Capt. P. My glove.
(Loud sneezing from cupboard.)
What’s that?
Coq. The ginger beer has burst a bottle.
Capt. P. It sounded vewy like a human thwottle!
(Rap heard at door.)
Coq. Ah, here’s mamma! quick, hide in this, now, see!
(Puts him into barrel. Business.)
To-morrow meet me by the haunted tree.
(Throws cloth over top of barrel.)
I’ll have such fun to-morrow for an hour.
Capt. P. (Rising.) Look here, I say, this bawwel’s full of flour!
(She runs to him, forces him back and puts coverlet on again. Rap again. She goes to door and opens it.)
(Enter Rooster the Audacious, a big bundle of papers tied with red tape, under his arm.)
Roos. Miss Coquettina, is your Ma’ within?
(Pulls out enormous watch from fob pocket.)
I’ve twenty minutes left to woo and win.
Coq. To woo and win! Upon my word that’s funny!
Rooster. Business is business, Miss, and time is money.
All night I sat up on affairs of State.
I had to shave the King at half-past eight.
At nine to black his boots and brush his hair.
By ten, as President, I took the chair
Of the Society for Reforming Cats—
R. S. R. C. At twelve I sat on “Hats.”
Coq. Hats!
Roos. Yes, and hatters, ’twas a much felt question.
At one I had some lunch, and—indigestion.
At two I had to meet a deputation—
“Was it, or was it not, good for the nation
That folks should be allowed beef with their mustard,”
It was a serious matter.
Coq. Were you flustered?
Roos. Oh, not at all, I said—If they could get it.
At two ’twas going on.
Coq. So’s time.
Roos. Well, let it!
Till eight—three meetings; a foundation stone.
Then dressed the King for dinner; had my own.
Came here to pop the question—Will you wed?
I must get back to put the King to bed.
Say yes or no.
Coq. You’d better ask mamma.
(Rap at door.)
Not now! Some other time!
Roos. Yes! Now!
Coq. No!
Roos. Bah!
Coq. She may be angry. Get beneath the table.
Please. To oblige me. (loud rap.)
Roos. Well, if I am able.
(Gets under table.) I must confess I feel how ill you treat me.
Coq. To-morrow, by the haunted tree you’ll meet me.
(Goes to door and open it. Enter G. King. She curtseys. He chucks her under chin.)
Gnome King. Well, lass, your pretty face I’ve long been missing.
You’ve got a kiss I hope—
Coq. (Coquettishly.) It’s always kissing.
Just like a man! He always misses kisses.
G. King. It’s very hard a man can’t kiss his misses.
I’ll have your little head chopped off, Miss! Pray
Don’t make me angry! One! two! three! Away!
Coq. Well, if you must, you must then; Take it, There!
(She turns back of head to him as he is about to kiss her.)
What did it taste of eh Sir?
G. King. Hay? No! Hare!
Coq. Of course! It’s all my own.
G. King. Oh, game you’re making!
Coq. Oh, not at all, Sir, I don’t go hay raking.
G. King. A kiss I’ll have!
(Runs after her, catches her, and is going to kiss her, when loud rap is heard at door.)
Coq. Mamma!
G. King. I’d like to choke her.
Coq. Dear me! She’s awful with the kitchen poker!
You’d better hide, Sir.
G. King. Where? (Runs to cupboard.)
Coq. No, no! (he runs towards barrel.)
Not there! (He runs to table.)
I have it! Here! pretend to be a chair.
(She takes cover off chair and puts it over him with arms extended so that he looks like a chair.)
There! Now you’re safe, you need’nt now be daunted.
Meet me to-morrow by the tree that’s haunted.
(Goes to door, opens it and looks out.)
What! no one here? how strange! who can it be?
Perhaps I’d better go outside and see.
(Goes outside. The “Fairy of the Forest” steps in and closes door.)
Fairy. Ah, Coquettina! oh, you naughty child!
In spite of all I’ve said, you will be wild.
All right, Miss, I have such a rod in pickle!
But first these gentlemen in here I’ll tickle.
(Blows out candle. Stage darkens. She goes to cupboard and raps gently, then to barrel, then to table, then to chair, and steps to back of stage. All four come out and grope in the dark, avoiding each other. They speak in whispers.)
Gen. B. Here, Coquettina!
Capt. T. Deawest!
Rooster. Where are you?
King. Come to my arms, my Coquettina, do!
(They all get into a circle in front of stage, each holding a hand of the other. The fairy laughs, claps her hands, and fairies enter with lanterns hung at the end of their wands. Stage lights up. Quick curtain.)
SCENE III.
THE FOREST DELL.
Haunted tree C. at back. A large rock at R. of tree, upon which Noodle is seated.
Noodle, (Sneezing.)
I’ve got a frightful cold. My Ms and Bs
Are all mixed up, likewise my Ls and Ds.
That Gnome King there, Oh, isn’t he a beauty!
Because, he said, I ran away from duty.
Fixed me by some enchantment to this stone,
And here he’s left me ever since, alone.
(Takes bottle from pocket.)
Strolling the other day upon the sand, I
Found this. B. R. A. N. D. Y. spells brandy.
It isn’t bad, though how did it come here?
There’s been a shipwreck, that is very clear.
The country’s full of geese, too, it’s absurd!
Which ever way I turned I found a bird,
All dressed in sailor’s jackets, caps and things,
With spy glasses stuck underneath their wings.
(Enter Mona L. running.)
Mona. There, I’ve escaped them! Now to find the shore,
I don’t think they will catch me any more.
(Moves toward tree.)
It must be this way, I can scent the sea.
Ah! Who are you, sir, under that old tree.
Noo. Don’t be afraid, fair maid, I cannot harm you;
Glued to this stone these tones need not alarm you.
I can’t get up (tries to rise.)
Mona. Why not?
Noo. The Gnome has tied me.
Mona. You have a story. Tell me.
Noo. Sit beside me.
(Mona sits on rock other side of tree.)
Long years ago I was a boy.
Mona. How strange!
Noo. A little tiny boy, so high.
Mona. A change!
Noo. I had an uncle, and I was a prince.
My father died. He seized the throne.
(Mona starts,) You wince.
Mona. Oh not at all. Go on! I’ve heard a tale.
Like yours before. It’s very like a whale.
Noo. My tail! there’s more behind. He then seized me
And shipped me off, a little boy, to sea.
For many years I’ve wandered as a sailor,
And earned my salt as cook on board a whaler.
Shipwrecked upon this most unkindly shore,
I’ve lived a wretched life ten years or more.
The manikins who live down there below,
Took me, and made me giant in a show:
“Walk up! walk up! just going to begin.”
(imitates Showman.)
That’s what they used to say to bring folks in—
“This giant is all real, no sawdust here!”
Mona. Made you a giant, did they. That was queer.
Noo. “There’s no deception, gents! no pads or straw!”
And then they’d pinch my legs to make me roar.
Stick pins into my calves.
Mona. Oh, that was cruel.
Noo. And if I would’t act they’d stop my gruel.
Well, now I’ve joined the army, serve the nation.
That means long drills, stiff collars and starvation.
I’ll make a raft or boat, and get away,
So sure as my name’s Noodle, miss, some day.
Mona. What name?
Noo. Why, Noodle.
Mona. Noodle?
Noo. Why not Noodle?
Mona. You have a brother?
Noo. Which his name is Doodle.
(Tries to rise.)
Say, have you seen him? Is my brother here?
Mona. He is.
Noo. And I can’t leave my stony ‘cheer.’
Mona. I’ll go and seek him. (Exit R.)
Noo. Stay! She’s gone. What joy!
I havn’t seen my brother since a boy.
(Enter Doodle hurriedly, L.)
Doodle. I’ve lost my mermaid! (Sees Noodle.) Ha! Pray who are you?
Noo. (Aside.) Is this my brother? Is your name, Sir, Doo—?
Doo. It’s Noodle! (Is going to rush towards him, but stops short suddenly.)
Come though, this won’t do I say,
We mustn’t take things in this easy way.
Although perchance we may have had the same aunt.
There may perhaps, Sir, be another “Claimant.”
I’d like to ask a question.
Noo. Ask a dozen.
Doo. Pray, had your nurse, Sir, in the Guards a “cousin?”
Noo. ’Tis strange, but true.
Doo. ’Tis well! When you were able
You kicked you poor old pa beneath the table?
(Noodle nods.)
Say, did you once, upon your nurse’s lap,
By chance capsize a teaspoonful of pap?
Noo. I did! I did! The circumstance pecoolia,
I now recall it. Which her name was Julia.
Doo. Did you like sugar on your bread and butter?
(Noodle nods.)
Used you to play at marbles in the gutter?
Noo. I must confess it.
Doo. Now I think upon it.
Had you a bouncing B. once in your Bonnet.
Noo. I had! I have! In fact, as I’m alive,
Not one bee only but a perfect hive.
Doo. Have you on your left arm a strawberry mark?
Noo. A perfect bed! You’d see them in the dark.
’Tis he! ’tis he! My feelings I can’t smother;
Come to my arms my lengthy long lost brother!
(Noodle tries to rise but cannot.)
Why don’t you rise?
Noo. I can’t, the Gnome King’s bound me.
I should have died down here if you’d not found me.
Doo. What’s to be done? (Trunk of tree opens, and discovers the Fairy of the Forest.)
Fairy. Sprinkle him thrice, sprinkle him thrice,
With the water that trickles
And trickles and trickles
Down from the mountain
Here to the fountain.
Sprinkle and say,
One, two, three and away,
One, two, three and away.
(Trunk of tree closes again.)
Doo. Ah, here’s the fountain, look!
(Runs off, R., and returns with water in the palm of his hand. Throws it over Noodle.)
One, two, three and away! (Noodle springs up. He limps. The brothers embrace.)
Noo. I’m stiff as that old tree.
Enter Mona R., carrying large gold key.
Mona. You’ve found him, see! Look here! I’ve brought this key,
Key to the diamond mountain. Come! be quick:
We’ll play that dear old dwarf there such a trick.
Doo. We’ll build a raft; with diamonds fill each sack;
Set sail before he knows—
Noo. And not come back.
But where’s your crew?
Doo. My crew? Oh there’s the rub,
I hav’nt got a crew to sail a tub.
A set of geese! (Trunk of tree opens and shows Fairy of the Forest.)
Fairy. Sprinkle thrice, sprinkle thrice.
And your geese, in half a trice
Will disappear, and on the land,
Four and forty sailors stand.
(Trunk of tree closes.)
Doo. A friend in need’s a friend indeed they say. Madam, we thank you. Come, friends, let’s away.
Noo. Let’s to the mountain; there our sacks we’ll fill. And get good fortune from a monstrous ill.
(Exeunt, R., Trunk of tree opens. Fairy of the Forest descends, and comes forward.)
Fairy. So far so good. Those captives stirred my pity,
And Maiden Mona is so good and pretty.
I hate that Gnome; he is so tough and tarty. (looks off.)
Here’s naughty Coquettina and her party.
I’ll sprinkle magic water on them all,
And where they stand they’ll stay until I call.
(She returns into tree, which closes. Enter L. Coquettina hurriedly. She looks back as she enters.)
Coq. What fun! they’re coming all together here.
I’ll hide behind this tree. (Trunk opens, Fairy appears and sprinkles her. She stops instantly.)
Fairy. You’ll not, my dear.
(Trunk closes. Enter R. and L. King, Rooster, General Bounce and Capt. Pounce. Different entrances. Music soft and staccato. As they advance to centre, they see each other.)
All. Hallo!
(Fairy appears; sprinkles them. They stop short and each retains the position of the moment, Lime light. Scene closes in with cavern, same as scene 1st, only opening at back closed in. Several sailors cross the stage from L. to R., carrying sacks on their backs. Noodle and Doodle bring up the rear, each carrying a sack. They come front.)
Doo. There! That’s the last, the raft won’t carry more.
And now set sail, and quit this unkind shore.
Where’s Mona? (Enter Mona, R.)
Mona. Here. Please, dear, before we go,
I wish to say good-bye to friends below.
Doo. I’m not a fish!
Mona. It’s done quite easily,
We’ll sink this cavern down below the sea.
(Enter L. King, Rooster, General Bounce, Capt. Pounce, Coquettina.)
G. King. Mind your own business, Miss, leave mine alone.
I have a charm will turn you all to stone.
(Makes passes in the air. Enter L. Fairy.)
Fairy. If you’re not good you’ll get another sprinkle.
G. King. I’d rather be a lobster or a winkle.
Mona. Then here’s your key. Remember, don’t be cruel.
Noo. And feed your army. Give your giants gruel.
Mona. We’re going down. D’ye feel the motion?
Doo. Well!
It’s easy as a lift in some hotel.
(All give a slight jump as though the bottom had been reached.)
Mona. We’re there at last. Now let the water in.
Don’t be afraid, you will not wet your skin.
(Scene at back and sides gradually opens to soft music, and shows the)
Mermaid’s Haunt.
(Coralina descends in a coral car at back. Mermaids R. and L.)
Coquettina. This is my home. Good-bye, dear friends, to-night,
And don’t forget your little Mermaid quite.
Fairy of the Forest. The bottom of the sea! It’s like a dream.
Coq. You’ve no society down here.
Mona. The very cream.
Coq. Perhaps it’s iced. I’m sure its very chilly.
Gen. Bounce. It’s all cold cream, of course, you little silly!
Mona. I hope you’re all content.
Noodle. Well, I don’t know.
Poor Coquettina here—
Doodle. Pray, where’s her beau?
(Coquettina, turns to Captain Pounce.)
Captain P. Ah! Weally sowwy! Can’t be done I fear,
When my superior officer is here.
(She turns to General Bounce.)
Gen. B. Well! Hem! The situation’s most unpleasant,
But as for matrimony!—not at present.
Our friend here will oblige. Come, Rooster, say!
(She turns to Rooster.)
Rooster. Too busy, now. Pray call another day.
Coq. Oh! very well! I’m sure that I don’t care.
I’ll join the “Ladies Club.” They’ve no men there!
G. King. A gnome’s un homme for all that. Here’s my key.
C. flat’s found often down below the C.
One thing I know, if once I get above,
No man shall say the Gnome is crossed in love.
Gen. B. A soldier’s duty lies in drill and glory,
But as for love, well, that’s another story.
Capt. P. Well, weally! Take things easy is my motto:
But fancy catching shwimps here in a gwotto!
(Pretends to catch Shrimp swimming past.)
Doodle. (Putting his am round Mona’s waist.)
Though strange, a mermaid’s heart I hold in hand!
My geese are changed to sailors; there they stand.
We’ve found the diamond mine—
Noo. And filled each sack.
Doo. And as for uncle (Turning up Coat cuffs.)
Noo. Wait till we get back!
Mona. Since all things wrong are now at last made right,
We only have a wish you all good-night.
(Red and green lights.)
Coralina.
Fairy of the Forest.
General Bounce. Captain Pounce.
Gnome King. Rooster.
Mona. Coquettina.
Doodle. Noodle.
Curtain.