Everything that the child experiences exerts an influence upon his future. It suggests a tendency to thought or action. Once the thought or act is indulged in, it has started the formation of habit. One act will not create a habit, but one act will tend to induce the child to act again in the same manner rather than go contrary to it or to vary the method. Repeated action forms a habit, for habit is defined as a tendency of the mind to do again what it has done before.
Habits, of course, vary in their strength, but you must realize the importance of the fact that the first repetitions are the important factors, because they are the habit's beginning. If the child's tendency is wrong do not delay changing it. Tomorrow may be too late. There is no certain age at which child training should begin. It is never too soon. The earlier you begin the easier it will be, and the more pleasure and satisfaction you will derive from your children.
The story is told of an anxious parent who went with a six-year child to the Bishop. The mother told at great length of the difficulty she was having with the child and asked what the proper age was to begin training him. The Bishop's reply was: "My dear woman, you are six years late."
Parents who procrastinate or delay correcting wrong tendencies and instilling right ones because "the child is too young to know better," or "it's too soon to train him yet," will awaken to find that they have formed a wrong habit and that the child will soon be trying to train and rule them.
There is no method of child training as helpful as that of Suggestion. Inducing the child by directly spoken words to think and believe that he is, and that he does, what you wish him to be and to do. This is known as Direct Suggestion. This is the most difficult form to use, as it may arouse antagonism, in which case no favorable result will be secured. It is better to postpone the use of Direct Suggestion until some time when you can sit down quietly and talk to the child, holding him in your lap and first preparing his mind by story or quiet talk of positive and constructive nature. Then make the Direct Suggestion in a clear, definite statement. Do not stop to argue or to impress the suggestion by moralizing. Prepare the soil of the child's mind, plant the seed (the Direct Suggestion), cover it over and leave it to germinate there. You do this by once clearly stating the ideal and then passing on to some other talk or story. Do not allow the child to argue the statement of the Suggestion. This is fatal to its germination. Have him in a passive mood in which he is listening to all that you say, and after you have given the Direct Suggestion and planted the seed, pass on to something else before he starts a train of contrary thoughts in his mind.
If he resists and denies your statement before you can lead his mind on, the soil was not properly prepared. Do not be discouraged, try again. Never be discouraged or give up, if you expect to gain results by the use of Suggestion.
After you have succeeded in planting this seed-thought in the child's mind, cultivate it. Do not neglect it, but return to it and emphasize the thought at another time, and gradually induce him to think of it in a positive manner. Tell an imaginary story which depicts the positive side of your seed-thought, and let him know it is of him you are thinking.
Always be positive—never negative. Always state the thing you want as it now is. Make it present tense—not even future. In suggestion there is no place for don't, can't or any other negative statement. Do not refer to the negative condition which you are striving to overcome. Do not say, "Your headache is better." Leave out the headache and say only, "You are better." A transitory term as—is becoming, or a future term as—you will be, or a questionable effort as—try to do, should not be used. Make your statement always positive, present tense, and completed. As for example: "This is mama's big, strong boy." "My boy always tells the truth." "My boy is strong and he is always kind." "John is a gentleman, he is kind to his sister." "Sarah loves her kitty and is kind and gentle with it."
The story of the Scotch wife will illustrate the effect of making negative statements. The husband was starting off on Saturday night to the village. John had a weakness, and knowing this the wife stood on the doorstep calling after him, "John, don't go near the saloon." "John, don't go near the saloon." "John, don't go near the saloon." With the best of intentions she kept repeating this as long as she could make him hear. John needed help, but if you will stop to think a moment you will see that the wife had continuously impressed upon his mind "the saloon," and, true to her fears, John returned home at a very late hour and in a sad condition.
Suggestion to be of value must get beyond the critical and analytical activity of the conscious mind and become placed in the sub-conscious. If the conscious mind denies the statement, either audibly or to itself, the sub-conscious is not influenced. The most profitable time to plant these positive seed-thoughts is just before the child "drops off to sleep."
The sub-conscious mind, which is influenced by the suggestion, never rests. It is the mind which controls the breathing, heart beat and other "sub-conscious action" of the body. It is working all the night through. If you fall asleep thinking in happy anticipation of some pleasure tomorrow you will awaken in the same happy, buoyant condition of mind. Often you have to think a moment to ascertain the reason for your happy mental condition, then you remember, "This is the day of the picnic." This shows how the sub-conscious has retained all through the night the thought which was placed there just before the conscious mind sleeps.
Take advantage of this fact and strive to place a positive, constructive thought upon the sub-conscious mind of your child just before sleep. It will be held and built into character and physical development all through the night.
Indirect Suggestion
This method is usually most effective because it is applied at times and in a manner which tends to overcome any tendency to negative influence of the conscious mind. All have seen the pitifully bashful child whose mother takes every opportunity to tell the visitors, in the child's hearing, how bashful she is. To the child she says: "My, you are the most bashful child I ever saw." The former statement made to the visitor, is a negative indirect suggestion; the latter, the statement to the child, is negative Direct Suggestion. Both of these tend to increase the child's bashfulness. They will never overcome it.
Indirect Positive Suggestions
Two parents are sitting in a living room talking; the child is playing in the next room, or even on the floor of this one. Without paying any attention and with the apparent intention of the child not hearing, the mother, in an undertone, says to the father: "Have you noticed how improved Sarah is of late; she is kind and thoughtful of her kitty, she loves it more and is so kind and gentle with it?" Father replies: "Isn't that nice; she is a dear, kind, gentle child." The parents go on talking about other things not noticing the little girl.
If you were where you could observe you would see the child stop her play at the mention of her name, listening intently, and thinking about what has been said. Most likely she would find her kitty and come back loving it and demonstrating the result of mother's suggestion.
This indirect method of sowing seed-thoughts is most effective, and will correct errors and form right habits and character, much more rapidly than correction, argument, or punishment. The possibilities of the use of suggestions in child training are limitless. There are many cases where miraculous results have been secured by intelligent, devoted mothers.
In the matter of health and overcoming of detrimental habits there is no greater power than that of positive Suggestion intelligently used. Every up-to-date and thoroughly progressive physician realizes the power of the positive thought over the human body. During the epidemic of Influenza which swept through the Army Camps where the boys were being trained for overseas service, all the available ministers were called into a large hospital to minister to the sick and dying. Before being allowed to go among the sick soldiers they were gathered together and given a talk by one of the head surgeons. One of the instructions was this: In all talking with the sick there must not, under any circumstances, be any mention or reference to death, the possibility of death, or of any condition after death. Every thought and word must be of health, recovery and what they are going to do after recovery. This must be followed in conversation, letter writing for the sick, and in prayer with them. This is an example of the modern acceptance of the value of positive suggestion in cases of sickness.
In matters of Child Training it is of the utmost value. Dr. Stanley Krebbs, in his book, "The Law of Suggestion," which every parent should read, tells many interesting examples of its use. "A little girl had formed the habit of telling lies in order to attract attention. When this fact was learned it was made the key of her recovery. It was lodged in her mind that her lies caused people to avoid her, to dislike her; but that if she were truthful she would make people like her, would make friends and attract a great deal more attention than in any other way. Simple! but successful."
Quoting again from Dr. Krebbs, "Take an extreme case, Belford Russell Lawrence, the boy criminal, testified at twelve years of age, that among other things, his mother had often said to neighbors, referring to him: 'That devil will hang yet.'
"As a general rule children are what their elders expect them to be.
"As a general rule we adults are what our fellows expect us to be."
The story is told of a boy who was no student and hated school, he even disliked to read. One time when there were guests at dinner there arose a discussion of a certain point of history. The boy had just studied this fact in school and was able to set the entire group right. On several occasions later his mother repeated this fact to friends, in the boy's hearing, always ending with the statement: "You know Johnny is quite a historian." Up to that time he had had no interest in the study, but believing that others considered him an authority on the subject he got busy and studied up on it. He afterward became a historian and a professor in one of the large universities. He just had to make good, to keep up with his mother's expectation, and he did.
Take every opportunity to tell others about the good points of your children and the characteristics that you want them to have. Do this when the children can hear you. Tell it to others and the child will not disappoint you.
The subject should be studied by every parent. There is no attempt made to cover it in these pages, but merely to give a hint of its possibilities in the hope that the parent will learn to use this power constructively and wisely.