Miscellanea

Then he came softly up to the highest bidder, and whispered, "Take care what you are about, brother, in buying that muslin. It's a short length."

Tale 25.—The Khoja Peeps Into Futurity.

Having need of a stout piece of wood, the Khoja one day decided to cut off a certain branch from a tree that belonged to him, as he perceived that it would serve his purpose.

Taking, therefore, his axe in his hand, and tucking his skirts into his girdle, he climbed the tree, and the branch he desired being firm and convenient, he seated himself upon it, and then began to hack and hew.

As he sat and chopped a man passed by below him, who called out and said, "O stupid man! What are you doing? When the branch is cut through you will certainly fall to the ground."

"Are the decrees of the future less veiled from this man than from me, who am a Khoja?" said Nasr-ed-Deen Effendi to himself, and he made the man no reply, but chopped on.

In a few moments the branch gave way, and the Khoja fell to the ground.

When he recovered himself he jumped up, and ran after the man who had warned him.

"O you fellow!" cried he. "It has happened to me even as you foretold. At the moment when the branch was cut through I fell to the ground. Now, therefore, since the future is open to thee, I beseech thee to tell me the day of my death."

"This madness is greater than the other," replied the man. "The day of death is among the hidden counsels of the Most High."

But the Khoja held him by the gown and continued to urge him, saying, "You told me when I should fall from the tree, and it came to pass to the moment. Tell me now how long I have to live." And as he would not release him, but kept crying, "How much time have I left?" the man lost patience, and said, "O fool! there is no more time left to thee. The days of the years of thy life are numbered."

"Then I am dead, lo I am dead!" said the Khoja, and he lay down, and stiffened himself, and did not move.

By and by his neighbours came and stood at his head, and having observed him, they brought a bier and laid him on it, saying, "Let us take him to his own house."

Now in the way thither there was in the road a boggy place, which it was difficult to pass, and the bearers of the bier stood still and consulted, saying, "Which way shall we go?"

And they hesitated so long that the Khoja, becoming impatient, raised his head from the bier, and said, "That's the way I used to go myself, when I was alive."

Tale 26.—The Two Moons.

On a certain day when the Khoja went to Sur-Hissar he saw a group of persons looking at the new moon.

"What extraordinary people the men of this place must be!" said he, "In our country the moon may be seen as large as a plate, and no one troubles his head about it, and here people stare at it when it is only a quarter the size."

Tale 27.—The Khoja Preaching.

One of the Khoja's duties—as a religious teacher—was to preach to the people. But once upon a time he became very lazy about this, and was always seeking an excuse to shorten or omit his sermons.

On a certain day about this time he mounted into the pulpit, and looking down on the congregation assembled to listen to him, he stretched forth his hands and cried, "Ah, Believers! what shall I say to you?"

And the men beat upon their breasts, and replied with one voice, "We do not know, most holy Khoja! we do not know."

"Oh, if you don't know—" said the Khoja indignantly, and gathering his robe about him, he quitted the pulpit without another word.

The men looked at each other in dismay, for the Khoja was a very popular preacher.

The following week the Khoja got again into the pulpit, from which he could see a larger assembly than before.

"O ye Muslims!" he began, "what am I to say—"

But before the words were fairly out of his mouth the congregation cried out with one voice, "We know, good Khoja! We know!"

"Oh, if you know—" said the Khoja sarcastically, and shrugging his shoulders, and lifting his eyebrows, he left the place as one who feels that he can be of no further use.

"This is worse than before," said the Muslims in despair. But after a while they took counsel, and said, "Let him come once more, and we will not lose our sermon this time. If he asks the same question we will reply that some of us know, but that some of us do not know."

So when the Khoja next appeared before the congregation, and after he had cried as before, "O Brethren! do ye know what I am about to say?" they answered, "Some of us know, but some of us do not know."

Tale 28.—The Khoja and the Horsemen.

One day when Khoja Effendi was crossing a certain desert plain a troop of horsemen suddenly appeared riding towards him.

"No doubt these are Bedawee robbers," thought the Khoja, "who will kill me without remorse for the sake of the Cadi's ferejeh which I wear." And in much alarm he hastened towards a cemetery which he had perceived to be near. Here he quickly stripped off his clothes, and, having hidden them, crept naked into an empty tomb and lay down.

But the horsemen pursued after him, and by and by they came into the cemetery, and one of them peeped into the tomb and saw the Khoja.

"Here is the man we saw!" cried the horseman; and he said to the Khoja, "What are you lying there for, and where are your clothes?"

"The dead have no possessions, O Bedawee!" replied the Khoja. "I am buried here. If you saw me on the plain as I used to appear in life, without doubt you are one of those who can see ghosts and apparitions."

Tale 29.—The Ox Trespassing.

One day Khoja Effendi, repairing to a piece of ground which belonged to him, found that a strange ox had got into the enclosure. The Khoja took a thick stick to beat it with, but the beast, seeing him coming, ran away and escaped.

Next week the Khoja met a Turk driving the ox, which was harnessed to a waggon.

Thereupon the Khoja took a stick in his hand, and, running after the ox, belaboured it soundly. "O man!" cried the Turk, "what are you beating my beast for?"

"Hold your tongue, you fool," said the Khoja, "and don't meddle with what doesn't concern you. The ox knows well enough."

Tale 30.—The Khoja's Camel.

The next time Khoja Effendi was obliged to take a journey he resolved to accompany a caravan for protection.

Now the Khoja had lately become possessed of a valuable camel, and he said to himself, "I will ride my camel instead of going on foot; the journey will then be a pleasure, and I shall not be fatigued." So he mounted the camel and set forth.

But as he was riding with the caravan the camel stumbled, and the Khoja was thrown off and severely hurt. The people of the caravan coming to his assistance found that he was stunned, but after a while they succeeded in restoring him.

When the Khoja came to his senses he tore his clothes, and cried in great rage and indignation, "O Muslims! you do not know what care I have taken of this camel, and this is how I am rewarded! Will no one kill it for me? It has done its best to kill me."

But his friends said, "Be appeased, most worthy Effendi, we could not kill your valuable camel."

"O benefactors!" replied the Khoja, "since you desire the brute's life it must be spared. But it shall have no home with me. I am about to drive it into the desert, where it may stumble to its heart's content."

So the Khoja drove the camel away; but before he did so he tore the furniture and trappings furiously from its back, crying, "I won't leave you a rag, you ungrateful beast!"

And he pursued his journey on foot, carrying the camel's furniture as best as he might.

Tale 31.—An Open Question.

"What are you doing here?" said the gardener.

The Khoja was confounded, and not being able to find a good excuse, he said, "A very strong wind blew during the night. Having driven me a long way, it blew me here."

"Oh," said the gardener; "but who plucked these herbs which I see in your hands?"

"The wind was so very strong," answered the Khoja, "that when it blew me into this place I clutched with both hands at the first things I could lay hold of, lest it should drive me further. And so they remain in my grasp."

"Oh," said the gardener; "but who put these into the sack, I wonder?"

"That is just what puzzles me," the Khoja replied; "I was thinking about it when you came in."

Tale 32.—The Spurting Fountain.

One summer's day the Khoja had come a long way, and was very hot and thirsty. By and by he perceived a fountain, of which the pipe was stopped up with a piece of wood.

"Now I shall quench my thirst," said the Khoja, and he pulled out the stopper, on which the water rushed out with vehement force over the Khoja's head, and drenched him in a moment.

"Ah!" cried the Khoja angrily, "it's because of your running so madly that they have stuck that stick into you, I suppose."

Tale 33.—Well-meant Soup.

One day as the Khoja was returning home he met a party of students walking together.

"Good-evening, Effendis!" said he. "Pray come home with me, and we will have some soup."

The students did not think twice about accepting the invitation, and they followed the Khoja home to his house.

"Pray be seated," said the Khoja, and when they had seated themselves he went to the upper room. "Wife," said he, "I have brought home some guests. Let us give them a good bowl of soup."

"O Effendi!" cried the wife, "is there any butter in the house? Is there any rice? Have you brought anything home for me to make it of, that you ask for soup?"

"Give me the soup-bowl," said the Khoja. Then taking the empty bowl in his hand he returned to the students.

"O Effendis!" said he, "be good enough, I beseech you, to take the will for the deed. You are indeed most welcome, and if there had been butter or rice, or anything else in our house, you would have had excellent soup out of this very bowl."

Tale 34.—The Khoja and the Ten Blind Men.

Once upon a time Khoja Nasr-ed-Deen, wandering by the banks of a river, came to a certain ford near which he seated himself to rest.

By and by came ten blind men, who were desirous of crossing the river, and they agreed with the Khoja that he should help them across for the payment of one penny each.

The Khoja accordingly exerted himself to the utmost of his power, and he got nine of the blind men safely across; but as he was helping the tenth, the man lost his footing, and in spite of the Khoja's efforts the river overpowered him, and bore him away.

Thereupon the nine blind men on the opposite shore set up a lamentable wail, crying, "What has happened, O Khoja?"

"One penny less to pay than you expected," said the Khoja.

Tale 35.—The End of the World.

Now Khoja Nasr-ed-Deen Effendi had a lamb which he brought up and fattened with much care.

At last one day came one of them and said, "O Khoja! to-morrow is the end of the world. What will you do with this lamb on the last day? We may as well eat it this evening."

"If it be so, let us do as you say," replied the Khoja, for he thought that the man was in earnest. So they lighted the fire and roasted the lamb, and had an excellent feast. But the Khoja perceived that they had played a trick upon him.

By and by his friends went to some little distance to play games together, but the Khoja would not accompany them, so they left their upper garments in his charge and departed to their amusements.

When they were gone the Khoja took the clothes and put them on to the fire where the lamb had been roasted, and burnt them all.

After a while the friends returned and found their robes burnt to ashes.

"O Khoja!" they cried, "who has burnt our clothes? Alas, alas! what shall we do?"

"Never mind," said the Khoja, "to-morrow the world comes to an end, you know. You would not have wanted them for long."

Tale 36.—The Dog on the Tomb.

One day the Khoja was wandering among the tombs. As he strolled along he perceived a dog lying upon a grave-stone.

Indignant at this profanation of a tomb, the Khoja took a stout stick and made up his mind to chastise the intruder. But the dog, who saw what was coming, got up and prepared to fly at him.

The Khoja never ran any unnecessary risk. When he perceived that the dog was about to attack him, and that he would have the worst of it, he lowered his stick.

"Pray don't disturb yourself," said he; "I give in."

Tale 37.—The Khoja and the Mullas.

Once upon a time the Khoja, riding on his donkey, was proceeding to a certain place to give public instruction, when he was followed by several law-students, who walked behind him.

Perceiving this, the Khoja dismounted, and got up again with his face to the donkey's tail.

"O Khoja!" cried the Mullas, "why do you ride backwards?"

Tale 38.—The Students and the Khoja's Wife.

Khoja Nasr-ed-Deen Effendi met a party of students who were walking together.

"Allow me to join you, worthy Effendis," said he, "and if it is agreeable to you we will proceed to my house."

"With the greatest possible pleasure," replied all the students, and the Khoja, beguiling the way with smart sayings and agreeable compliments, led them to the door of his dwelling.

"Be good enough to wait an instant," said the Khoja, and the students waited whilst the Khoja entered his house, where—being in a mischievous mood—he said to his wife, "O wife, go down and send those men away who are hanging about the door. If they want me, say that I have not come home."

So the woman went down and said, "The Khoja has not come home, gentlemen."

"What are you talking about?" cried the students; "he came home with us."

"He's not at home, I tell you," said the Khoja's wife.

"We know that he is," said the students.

"He's not," repeated the woman.

"He is," reiterated the students.

Tale 39.—The Khoja and His Guest.

One day a man came to the Khoja and became his guest for the night.

When they had had supper they lay down to sleep.

After a while the light went out; but the Khoja was lazy, and pretended not to observe it, for he did not want to get up.

"Khoja! Khoja!" cried the guest.

"What's the matter?" said the Khoja.

"Don't you see that the light's gone out?" said the guest.

"I see nothing," said the Khoja.

"It's pitch dark," complained the guest: "do get up and see if you have a candle in the house."

"You must be mad," replied the Khoja; "am I a cat? If it is really as dark as you say how can I possibly see whether I have got any or not?"

Tale 40.—The Wise Donkey.

Once upon a time the Khoja was smoking in his garden, when a certain man came to borrow his donkey.

Now this man was cruel to animals, therefore the Khoja did not like to lend him his beast; but as he was also a man of some consideration, the Khoja hesitated to refuse point blank.

"O Effendi!" said he, "I will gladly lend you my donkey, but he is a very wise animal, and knows what is about to befall him. If he foresees good luck for this journey all will be well, and you could not have a better beast. But if he foresees evil he will be of no use, and I should be ashamed to offer him to you."

"Be good enough to inquire of him," said the borrower.

Thereupon the Khoja departed on pretence of taking counsel with his donkey. But he only smoked another pipe in his garden, and then returned to the man, who was anxiously awaiting him, and whom he saluted with all possible politeness, saying—

"May it be far from you, most worthy Effendi, ever to experience such misfortune as my wise donkey foresees on this occasion!"

"What does he foresee?" inquired the borrower.

"Broken knees, sore ribs, aching bones, long marches, and short meals," said the Khoja.

Then the man looked foolish, and sneaked away without reply.

But the Khoja went back to his pipe.

Tale 41.—The Khoja's Horse.

Once upon a time the Khoja was travelling in company with a caravan, when they halted for the night at a certain place, and all the horses were tied up together.

Next morning the Khoja could not for the life of him remember which was his own horse, and he was much afraid of being cheated if he confessed this to the rest.

So, as they were all coming out, he seized his bow and arrow, and aimed among the horses at random.

"Don't shoot!" cried the men; "what is the matter?"

"I am desperate," replied the Khoja; "I am determined to kill somebody's horse, so let every one look to his own."

Laughing at the Khoja's folly, each man untied his own horse as quickly as possible, and took it away.

Then the Khoja knew that the one left was his own.

He at once proceeded to mount, but putting his right foot into the stirrup, he came round with his face to the tail.

"What makes you get up backwards, Khoja?" said his friends.

"It is not I who am in the wrong," said the Khoja, "but the horse that is left-handed."

Tale 42.—The Khoja on the Bey's Horse.

On a certain occasion Khoja Nasr-ed-Deen went to see the Bey, and the Bey invited him to go out hunting.

The Khoja agreed, but when they were about to start he found that he had been mounted on a horse which would not move out of a snail's pace. He said nothing, however, for it is not well to be too quick in seeing affronts.

By and by it began to rain heavily. The Bey and the rest of the party galloped off with all speed towards shelter, and the Khoja was left in the lurch.

By and by the rain ceased, and the Khoja dressed himself and went leisurely home. When he reached the Bey's palace all the guests were assembled, and presently the Bey perceived him and cried out, "Why, here is the worthy Khoja! And—how extraordinary!—his clothes are not as wet as ours."

"Why do you not praise the horse on which you mounted me?" answered the Khoja; "it carried me through the storm without a single thread of my clothes being wet."

"They must have made a mistake about the horses," thought the Bey to himself, and he invited the Khoja to go hunting on the following day.

The Khoja accepted, and when the time came he was mounted on the horse which the Bey had ridden the day before, and the Bey seated himself on that which had carried the Khoja with dry clothes through the shower.

By and by it began to rain; every one rode off as usual, and this time the Khoja among them.

The Bey, however, could not induce his horse to stir out of a foot's pace, and when he arrived at his palace he was drenched to the skin.

"Wretched man!" he cried to the Khoja, "is it not through you that I was induced to ride this useless horse?"

"Most eminent Bey," replied the Khoja, "the beast has treated you no worse than he served me. But perhaps your Eminence did not think of taking off your clothes and sitting on them?"

Tale 43.—The Khoja's Donkey brays to Good Purpose.

One day the Khoja dismounted at the door of a shop, and threw his woollen pelisse on the donkey's back till he should return. He then went in to buy sweetmeats.

In a few minutes there passed a man, who snatched the woollen pelisse from the donkey's back, and went off with it. At this moment the donkey began to bray.

"O bawl away!" cried the Khoja, who had come out just in time to see his pelisse disappear; "much good that will do."

But as it happened, when the man heard the noise he was afraid of being caught, and, throwing the pelisse back on to the donkey, he ran away as hard as he could.

Tale 44.—The Khoja's Left Leg.

During one very hot season there was a scarcity of water in the city.

One day, the Khoja was performing his religious ablutions: he washed himself all over with the exception of his left leg, but before that could be washed the water was all used up.

When the Khoja began to recite the customary prayers he stood on one leg like a goose.

"O Khoja Effendi!" cried the people, "why do you pray standing on your right leg?"

"I could not pray on my left leg," said the Khoja; "it has not performed the appointed ablutions."

Tale 45.—"Figs Would Be More Acceptable."

Nasr-ed-Deen Effendi had some plums, of which he resolved to make a present to the Bey. He therefore took three of them, and putting them on a fine tray, he carried them into the royal presence, and duly offered them for the Bey's acceptance.

Being in a good humour, the Bey took the present in good part, and gave the Khoja several pence in return.

After some days the Khoja thought he would take something else to the Bey, and having some fine large beetroots, he set off as before.

On his way to the palace he met a man, who saluted him.

"What are you doing with all those beetroots?" said he.

"I am about to present them to the Bey," replied the Khoja.

"Figs would be more acceptable, I should think," said the man.

The Khoja pursued his journey, but as he went the man's words troubled him—"Figs would be more acceptable."

At last he perceived a fig-tree by the roadside, so, throwing away all the beetroots, he put two or three figs in their place, and having arrived at the palace, he presented them to the Bey.

But this time the Bey was not in a good humour.

"What madman is this," he cried, "who mocks me by the gift of a few worthless figs? Throw them at his head and drive him away!"

So they pelted the Khoja with his figs, and drove him out. But as he ran, instead of cursing his ill luck, the Khoja gave thanks for his good fortune.

"This is indeed madness," cried the servants of the Bey; "for what, O Khoja, do you return thanks, after this ignominious treatment?"

Tale 46.—Timur and the One-legged Geese.

One day the Khoja caused a goose to be cooked. He was about to present it to the King.

When it was nicely done he set off with it, but on the road he became very hungry. If the smell of it were to be trusted it was a most delicious bird! At last the Khoja could resist no longer, and he tore off a leg and ate it with much relish.

On arriving in the royal presence he placed the goose before Timur the King, who, when he had examined the Khoja's gift, was exceedingly annoyed.

"This Khoja is deriding me!" said he. And then in a voice of thunder he demanded, "Where is the other leg?"

As it happened there were a number of geese at the fountain, and they were all standing on one leg.

The King could not help laughing, but he called to his drummers and said, "March towards yonder fountain, and lay your drumsticks well about your drums."

The drummers forthwith began to drum, and they rattled away so heartily that all the geese put down their legs and ran off in alarm.

"O Khoja!" cried Timur, "how is this? All your geese have become two-legged!"

"It is the effect of your Majesty's wonderful drumsticks," replied the Khoja. "If you were to eat one of them, you yourself would undoubtedly become four-legged."

Tale 47.—The Khoja Rewards the Frogs.

Khoja Nasr-ed-Deen Effendi had been riding his donkey for some miles. It was very hot, and the Khoja dismounted to ease his beast. At this moment they came within sight of a pond, and the donkey smelling the water set off towards it as hard as he could canter.

The side of the pond was very steep, and in its haste the donkey would probably have fallen in, but that the frogs set up such a terrific croaking at its approach that the beast, in alarm, turned sharply round, and was caught by its master.

The Khoja was not wanting in grateful and liberal feelings.

"Well done, my little pond-birds!" said he, throwing a handful of coins into the water. "Divide that among you to buy sweetmeats with."

Tale 48.—The Khoja reproaches his Cock.

Once upon a time the Khoja was carrying his fowls in a cage to the city for sale.

As he went along he began to feel sorry for them.

"O my soul!" said he, "these poor fowls are sadly imprisoned. I will let them go a little." So he opened the cage, and the birds scrambled out. One ran one way, and another another; but the Khoja contrived to keep up with the cock, which he drove before him with his stick, the poor bird waddling hither and thither, and fluttering from side to side with distress and indecision pitiable to behold.

The poor cock made no reply, but waddled on with hoarse cries and flapping wings.

"You're a poor prophet!" said the Khoja. "You know that it is morning in the middle of the night: how is it you could not foresee that you were to be driven to market? Thus—and thus!" And turning him at every corner by which he would escape, the Khoja drove the distracted cock into the city.

Tale 49.—Hare-soup.

One day there came a man from the village who made the Khoja a present of a hare.

The Khoja brought him in, treating him with all honour and hospitality, and gave him some rich and excellent soup.

In a week's time the man called again; but the Khoja had forgotten him, and said, "Who are you?"

"I am the man who brought the hare," he replied. The Khoja entertained him as before, though the soup was not quite so rich.

After a few days came some men who desired to be guests to the Khoja.

"Who are you?" said he.

"We are neighbours of the man who brought the hare," said they.

This time the soup was certainly thin, but that did not hinder the arrival of some fresh guests in a very few days.

"Who are you?" said the Khoja.

"We are neighbours of the neighbours of the man who brought the hare," was the reply.

"You are welcome," said their host; and he set a bowl of clear water before them.

"What is this, O Khoja?" cried the men.

"It is soup of soup of soup of the hare-soup," answered the Khoja.

Tale 50.—The Khoja out Fishing.

One day the Khoja accompanied some men who were going a-fishing, and he became much excited in watching the sport.

Suddenly, as they cast the net into the sea, the Khoja threw himself into it.

"What can you be thinking of, Effendi?" cried the fishermen.

"I forgot," said the Khoja; "I was thinking I was a fish."

Tale 51.—A Desire Satisfied.

Nasr-ed-Deen Effendi had an old cow with horns so exceedingly broad that one could certainly sit between them if he had a mind to do so.

"I should very much like to try," the Khoja kept thinking; "I should exceedingly like to sit for once between those horns."

The notion haunted him, and he kept saying to himself, "I certainly should like it, just for once."

One day the cow came before the house, and after a while lay down.

"The opportunity has arrived," cried the Khoja, and running out, he seated himself between the cow's horns. "It is just as I thought," said he; but as he spoke the cow got up, and tossed the Khoja violently to the ground.

The Khoja was stunned, and when his wife hastened to the spot she found him lying senseless. After some time he opened his eyes, and perceived his wife weeping near him.

"O wife!" said the Khoja, "weep not; I am not less fortunate than other men. I have suffered for it, but I have had my desire."

Tale 52.—The Khoja and the Incompetent Barber.

On one occasion the Khoja was shaved by a most incompetent barber. At every stroke the man cut his head with the razor, and kept sticking on bits of cotton to stop the bleeding.

At last the Khoja lost patience.

"That will do," said he, jumping up: "you've sown cotton on half my head, I'll keep the other half for flax;" and he ran out of the shop with his head half shaved.

(Freely adapted from the German.)

It is true that the young princess had a fairy godmother—a distant cousin of the deceased queen—but the king could not endure that any one but himself should have a voice in the management of his child, and the fairy godmother, who was accustomed to the utmost deference to her opinions, very soon quitted the court in a huff, and left the king as supreme in the nursery as he was in the council-chamber.