CHAPTER XXXII.
COMFORT FOR A DISCOURAGED HOUSEKEEPER.
There is no doubt of the fact, that American housekeepers have far greater trials and difficulties to meet than those of any other nation. And it is probable that many of those who may read over the methods of thrift and economy adopted by some of the best housekeepers in our land, and detailed in this work, will with a sigh exclaim, that it is impossible for them even to attempt any such plans.
Others may be stimulated by the advice and examples presented, and may start off with much hope and courage, to carry out a plan of great excellence and appropriateness, and, after trying a while, will become discouraged by the thousand obstacles in their way, and give up in despair.
A still greater number will like their own way best, and think it is folly to attempt to change.
For those who wish they could become systematic, neat, and thorough housekeepers, and would like to follow out successfully the suggestions found in this work, and for those who have tried, or will try, and find themselves baffled and discouraged, these words of comfort are offered.
Perhaps you find yourself encompassed by such sort of trials as these: Your house is inconvenient, or destitute of those facilities for doing work well which you need, and you can not command the means to supply these deficiencies. Your domestics are so imperfectly qualified that they never can do any thing just right, unless you stand by and attend to every thing yourself, and you can not be present in parlor, nursery, and kitchen all at once. Perhaps you are frequently left without any cook, or without a chamber-maid, and sometimes without any hands but your own to do the work, and there is constant jostling and change from this cause. And perhaps you can not get supplies, either from garden or market, such as you need, and all your calculations fail in that direction.
And perhaps your children are sickly, and rob you of rest by night, or your health is so poor that you feel no energy or spirits to make exertions. And perhaps you never have had any training in domestic affairs, and can not understand how to work yourself, nor how to direct others. And when you go for aid to experienced housekeepers, or cookery-books, you are met by such sort of directions as these: “Take a pinch of this, and a little of that, and considerable of the other, and cook them till they are done about right.” And when you can not succeed in following such indefinite instructions, you find your neighbors and husband wondering how it is that, when you have one, two, or three domestics, there should be so much difficulty about housekeeping, and such constant trouble, and miscalculation, and mistake. And then, perhaps, you lose your patience and your temper, and blame others, and others blame you, and so every thing seems to be in a snarl.
Now the first thing to be said for your comfort is, that you really have great trials to meet; trials that entitle you to pity and sympathy, while it is the fault of others more than your own that you are in this very painful and difficult situation. You have been as cruelly treated as the Israelites were by Pharaoh, when he demanded bricks without furnishing the means to make them.
You are like a young, inexperienced lad who is required to superintend all the complicated machinery of a manufactory which he never was trained to understand, and on penalty of losing reputation, health, and all he values most.
Neither your parents, teachers, or husband have trained you for the place you fill, nor furnished you with the knowledge or assistance needed to enable you to meet all the complicated and untried duties of your lot. A young woman who has never had the care of a child, never done house-work, never learned the numberless processes that are indispensable to keep domestic affairs in regular order, never done any thing but attend to books, drawing, and music at school, and visiting and company after she left school—such an one is as unprepared to take charge of a nursery, kitchen, and family establishment, as she is to take charge of a man-of-war. And the chief blame rests with those who placed her so unprepared in such trying circumstances. Therefore, you have a right to feel that a large part of these evils are more your misfortune than your fault, and that they entitle you to sympathy rather than blame.
The next word of comfort is, the assurance that you can do every one of your duties, and do them well, and the following is the method by which you can do it. In the first place, make up your mind that it never is your duty to do any thing more than you can, or in any better manner than the best you can. And whenever you have done the best you can, you have done well; and it is all that man should require, and certainly all that your heavenly Father does require.
The next thing is, for you to make out an inventory of all the things that need to be done in your whole establishment. Then calculate what things you find you can not do, and strike them off the list, as what are not among your duties. Of those that remain, select a certain number that you think you can do exactly as they need to be done, and among these be sure that you put the making of good bread. This every housekeeper can do, if she will only determine to do it.
Make a selection of certain things that you will persevere in having done as well as they can be done, and let these be only so many as you feel sure you can succeed in attempting. Then make up your mind that all the rest must go along as they do, until you get more time, strength, and experience, to increase the list of things that you determine shall always be well done.
By this course you will have the comfort of feeling that in some respects you are as good a housekeeper as you can be, while there will be a cheering progress in gaining on all that portion of your affairs that are left at loose ends. You will be able to measure a gradual advance, and be encouraged by success. Many housekeepers fail entirely by expecting to do every thing well at first, when neither their knowledge or strength is adequate, and so they fail everywhere, and finally give up in despair.
Are you not only a housekeeper, but a mother? Oh, sacred and beautiful name! how many cares and responsibilities are associated with it! And how many elevating and sublime anticipations and hopes are given to inspire and to cheer! You are training young minds whose plastic texture will receive and retain every impression you make; who will imitate your feelings, tastes, habits, and opinions; and who will transmit what they receive from you to their children, to pass again to the next generation, and then to the next, until a whole nation may possibly receive its character and destiny from your hands! No imperial queen ever stood in a more sublime and responsible position than you now occupy in the eye of Him who reads the end from the beginning, and who is appointing all the trials and discipline of your lot, not for purposes which are visible to your limited ken, but in view of all the consequences that are to result from the character which you form, and are to transmit to your posterity!
And you who never are to bear a mother’s name, but must toil for the children of others with little earthly honor or reward, remember that the blessed Lord “took upon himself the form of a servant;” that he came “not to be ministered to, but to minister;” that those who voluntarily take the lowest place are most likely to stand highest at last; that all sincere service is accepted and precious; and that our labors in this life are to bear their fruits through everlasting ages.
Remember that you have a Father in heaven who sympathizes in all your cares, pities your griefs, makes allowances for your defects, and is endeavoring by trials, as well as by blessings, to fit you for the right fulfillment of your high and holy calling.
But the heaviest care and sorrow that ever oppress a woman who, as housekeeper, has the control of children and servants, are her responsibilities as to the eternal destiny of those guided by her teachings and example. Our cruel war took thousands of our noblest youth to terrible sufferings in prisons and battle-fields, and to a torturing death. Multitudes of these sacrificed their all to save their country as really as did our Lord when he suffered for the whole world. And yet many of these martyred heroes gave no evidence of that change which their bereaved parents were trained to believe could alone save their beloved ones from everlasting misery. How many mothers have hid in silent anguish this never-healed wound—this crushing sorrow!
The most available remedy for such distress is much that is suggested in Chapters XXV. and XXVIII.; and the following queries may aid in obtaining the true teachings of the Bible on these momentous questions:
Are the definitions given in those chapters of the words right, righteous, love, faith, and repentance, in reference to future eternal safety, sustained by common use and by our dictionaries? What texts illustrate the distinction between right as to motives, or intention and right as to resulting consequences?
What texts show that wrong actions, owing to mistaken opinions as to what is right, do not necessarily destroy evidence of a righteous or virtuous character?
What texts show that the righteous character which secures eternal safety consists, not chiefly in emotional love to God, but rather in a controlling principle of obedience to his will, as manifested in both his natural and revealed laws?
What texts show that at some future period (it may be millions of ages hence) there will be a final separation of the righteous and the wicked?
Are there any texts which show that in the intervening ages there will be no improvement of character for those who fail in this life? and are there any which show that there may be for some, if not for all?
Are there any texts which show that the character of every human being is fixed at death?
Are there any texts which show that some of mankind will be forever sinful, and forever separated from the righteous?
Are there any texts which show that all mankind will finally become righteous, and thus forever happy?
When all the texts in the Bible on these questions are collected and arranged, when applying the rules of interpretation, these considerations are to be noticed:
1. That the word “Hades,” in many cases, is translated “Hell,” when its proper translation is “the place of departed spirits.” The story of Dives and Lazarus, and of the repentant thief, can be properly explained only by ascertaining the meaning the Jews attached to the words Hades and Paradise; for Christ, of course, expected them to be thus understood.
Again, the meaning of many texts depends on the subject before the mind of the speaker. Thus when Christ replied to the question, “Are there few that be saved?” did he refer to all beings in the whole universe, or to the present world, and to that present time when “the righteous” were comparatively a small portion of mankind?
Again much that relates to the spirit-world can not be fully taught or comprehended. St. Paul says that, when caught up into the third heaven, he saw, not, as in our translation, things not “lawful” to utter, but, in the original Greek, “impossible” to utter.
Again, the results thus gained from the Bible should be considered in connection with the analogies of nature and God’s providence in regard to the continued development of mind and character, which in this life has so short and imperfect a period, and in most cases so many and great disadvantages.
In completing such an investigation, much time and mental effort may be required, but is there any employment of time and intellect so important as this end?
In offering these suggestions, the author may refer to her own extended observation of the results of religious educational training in the family, as witnessed in the diverse sects with which she has mingled, whether Catholic, Protestant, or Jewish; for she counts excellent and intelligent friends in all.
She finds all united in the belief of a future life in which the character formed in this life controls the eternal well-being; so that those who are trained to truth, justice, and mercy will be forever happier than those who grow up in sin and wickedness.
She finds that the right education of children and servants is more and more an object of care and effort; and that, as the consequence, the world is growing better rather than worse.
And finally, she rejoices in the increasingly open avenues to useful and remunerating occupations for women, enabling them to establish homes of their own, where, if not as the natural mother, yet as a Christ-mother, they may take in neglected ones, and train future mothers, teachers, and missionaries for the world.