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Miss Lulu Bett

Chapter 7: Scene ii
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Credits: The Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https: //www. pgdp. net (This file was produced from images generously made available by The Internet Archive) was awarded by Columbia University in June, 1921, the prize of $1, 000 established by Joseph Pulitzer for “The American original play, performed in New York, which shall best represent the educational value and power of the stage in raising the standard of good morals, good taste and good manners. ”

[Monona runs a swift circle and returns to her attitude of listener.]

Cornish

Pardon me—this is Miss Bett, isn’t it?

Lulu

I—Lulu Bett, yes.

Cornish

I had the pleasure of meeting you the night I was here for supper.

Lulu

I didn’t think you’d remember.

Cornish

Don’t you think I’d remember that meat pie?

Lulu

Oh, yes. The meat pie. You might remember the meat pie.

[Exit, carrying plates.]

Cornish

What in the dickens did I say that for?

Ina

Oh, Lulu likes it. She’s a wonderful cook. I don’t know what we should do without her.

Dwight

A most exemplary woman is Lulu.

Ina

That’s eggsemplary, Dwightie.

Dwight

My darling little dictionary.

Di

Mama, Mr. Cornish and I have promised to go back to help Jenny.

Ina

How nice! And Mr. Cornish, do let us see you oftener.

Dwight

Yes, yes, Cornish. Drop in. Any time, you know.

Cornish

I’ll be glad to come. I do get pretty lonesome evenings.

[Enter Lulu, clearing table.]

I eat out around. I guess that’s why your cooking made such an impression on me, Miss Lulu.

Lulu

Yes. Yes. I s’pose it would take something like that….

Cornish

Oh, no, no! I didn’t mean—you mustn’t think I meant—What’d I say that for?

Lulu

Don’t mind. They always say that to me.

[Exit with dishes.]

Di

Come on, Mr. Cornish. Jenny’ll be waiting. Monona, let go of me!

Monona

I don’t want you!

Dwight

Early, darling, early! Get her back here early, Mr. Cornish.

Cornish

Oh, I’ll have her back here as soon as ever she’ll come—well, ah—I mean….

Di

Good-by Dwight and Ina!

[Exit Di and Cornish.]

Dwight

Nice fellow, nice fellow. Don’t know whether he’ll make a go of his piano store, but he’s studying law evenings.

Ina

But we don’t know anything about him, Dwight. A stranger so.

Dwight

On the contrary I know a great deal about him. I know that he has a little inheritance coming to him.

Ina

An inheritance—really? I thought he was from a good family.

Dwight

My mercenary little pussy.

Ina

Well, if he comes here so very much you know what we may expect.

Dwight

What may we expect?

Ina

He’ll fall in love with Di. And a young girl is awfully flattered when a good-looking older man pays her attention. Haven’t you noticed that?

Dwight

How women generalize! My dear Ina, I have other matters to notice.

Ina

Monona. Stop listening! Run about and play.

[Monona runs her circle and returns.]

Well, look at that clock. It’s almost your bedtime, anyway.

[Enter Lulu.]

Monona

No.

Ina

It certainly is.

Monona

That clock’s wrong. Papa said so.

Ina

Mama says bedtime. In ten minutes.

Monona

I won’t go all night.

Dwight

Daughter, daughter, daughter….

Monona

I won’t go for a week.

[Dwight sees on clock shelf a letter.]

Ina

Oh, Dwight! It came this morning. I forgot.

Lulu

I forgot too. And I laid it up there.

Dwight

Isn’t it understood that my mail can’t wait like this?

Lulu

I know. I’m sorry. But you hardly ever get a letter.

Dwight

Of course pressing matters go to my office. Still my mail should have more careful—

[He reads.]

Now! What do you think I have to tell you?

Ina

Oh, Dwightie! Something nice?

Dwight

That depends. I’ll like it. So’ll Lulu. It’s company.

Monona

I hope they bring me something decent.

Ina

Oh, Dwight, who?

Dwight

My brother, from Oregon.

Ina

Ninian coming here?

Dwight

Some day next week. He don’t know what a charmer Lulu is or he’d come quicker.

Ina

Dwight, it’s been years since you’ve seen him.

Dwight

Nineteen—twenty. Must be twenty.

Ina

And he’s never seen me.

Dwight

Nor Lulu.

Ina

And think where he’s been. South America—Mexico—Panama and all. We must put it in the paper.

Mrs. Bett

Who’s coming? Why don’t you say who’s coming? You all act so dumb.

Lulu

It’s Dwight’s brother, mother. His brother from Oregon.

Mrs. Bett

Never heard of him.

Lulu

[Taking photograph from shelf.]

That one, mother. You’ve dusted his picture lots of times.

Mrs. Bett

That? Got to have him around long?

Dwight

I don’t know. Wait till he sees Lulu. I expect when he sees Lulu you can’t drive him away. He’s going to take one look at Lulu and settle down here for life. He’s going to think Lulu is—

Lulu

I—think the tea must be steeped now.

[Exit.]

Dwight

He’s going to think Lulu is a stunner—a stunner….

[The clock strikes. Monona shrieks.]

Is the progeny hurt?

Ina

Bedtime. Now, Monona, be mama’s nice little lady…. Monona, quiet, pettie, quiet….

[Lulu enters with tea and toast.]

Lulu, won’t you take her to bed? You know Dwight and I are going to Study Club.

Lulu

There, mother. Yes. I’ll take her to bed. Come, Monona. And stop that noise instantly.

[Monona stops. As they cross Dwight spies the tulip on Lulu’s gown.]

Dwight

Lulu. One moment. You picked the flower on the plant?

Lulu

Yes. I—picked it.

Dwight

She buys a hothouse plant and then ruins it!

Lulu

I—I—

[She draws Monona swiftly left; exeunt; the door slams.]

Dwight

What a pity Lulu hasn’t your manners, pettie.

Mrs. Bett

What do you care? She’s got yours.

Dwight

Mother Bett! Fare thee well.

Mrs. Bett

How do you stand him? The lump!

Ina

Mama dear, now drink your tea. Good-night, sweetie.

Mrs. Bett

You needn’t think I forgot about the platter, because I ain’t. Of all the extravagant doin’s, courtin’ the poorhouse—

[Exeunt Dwight and Ina. Mrs. Bett continues to look after them, her lips moving. At door appears Bobby.]

Bobby

Where’s Mr. Deacon?

Mrs. Bett

Gone, thank the Lord!

Bobby

I’ve got the grass cut.

Mrs. Bett

You act like it was a trick.

Bobby

Is—is everybody gone?

Mrs. Bett

Who’s this you’re talkin’ to?

Bobby

Yes, well, I meant—I guess I’ll go now.

[Enter Di.]

Di

Well, Bobby Larkin. Are you cutting grass in the dining room?

Bobby

No, ma’am, I was not cutting grass in the dining room.

[Enter Lulu, collects her mother’s dishes, folds cloth and watches.]

Di

I used to think you were pretty nice, but I don’t like you any more.

Bobby

Yes you used to! Is that why you made fun of me all the time?

Di

I had to. They all were teasing me about you.

Bobby

They were? Teasing you about me?

Di

I had to make them stop so I teased you. I never wanted to.

Bobby

Well, I never thought it was anything like that.

Di

Of course you didn’t. I—wanted to tell you.

Bobby

You wanted—

Di

Of course I did. You must go now—they’re hearing us.

Bobby

Say—

Di

Good-night. Go the back way, Bobby—you nice thing.

[Exit Bobby.]

Aunt Lulu, give me the cookies, please, and the apples. Mr. Cornish is on the front porch … mama and papa won’t be home till late, will they?

Lulu

I don’t think so.

Di

Well, I’ll see to the hall light. Don’t you bother. Good-night.

Lulu

Good-night, Di.

[Exit Di.]

Mrs. Bett

My land! How she wiggles and chitters.

Lulu

Mother, could you hear them? Di and Bobby Larkin?

Mrs. Bett

Mother hears a-plenty.

Lulu

How easy she done it … got him right over … how did she do that?

Mrs. Bett

Di wiggles and chitters.

Lulu

It was just the other day I taught her to sew … I wonder if Ina knows.

Mrs. Bett

What’s the use of you findin’ fault with Inie? Where’d you been if she hadn’t married I’d like to know?… What say? … eh? … I’m goin’ to bed…. You always was jealous of Inie.

[Exit Mrs. Bett.]

[Lulu crosses to shelf, takes down photograph of Ninian Deacon, holds it, looks at it.]

CURTAIN

Same set. Late afternoon. A week later. The table is cleared of dishes, and has an oilcloth cover. Bobby is discovered outside the window, on whose sill Di is sitting.

Bobby

So you despise me for cutting grass?

Di

No, I don’t. But if you’re going to be a great man why don’t you get started at it?

Bobby

I am started at it—inside. But it don’t earn me a cent yet.

Di

Bobby, Bobby! I know you’re great now, don’t you ever think I don’t, but I want everybody else to know.

Bobby

Di, when you said that it sounded just like a—a you know.

Di

Like what?

Bobby

Like a wife. Gee, what a word that is!

Di

Isn’t it? It’s ever so much more exciting word than husband.

[Enter Lulu, followed by Monona. Lulu carries bowl, pan of apples, paring knife. Monona carries basket of apples and a towel. As Lulu rattles dishes, Di turns, sees Lulu. Bobby disappears from window.]

Di

There’s never any privacy in this house.

[Exit Di.]

Lulu

Hurry, Monona, I must make the pies before I get dinner. Now wipe every one.

Monona

What for?

Lulu

To make the pies.

Monona

What do you want to make pies for?

Lulu

To eat.

Monona

What do you want to eat for?

Lulu

To grow strong—and even sensible.

Monona

It’s no fun asking you a string of questions. You never get mad. Mama gets good and mad. So does papa.

Lulu

Then why do you ask them questions?

Monona

Oh, I like to get them going.

Lulu

Monona!

Monona

I told mama I didn’t pass, just so I could hear her.

Lulu

Why, Monona!

Monona

Then when I told her I did pass, she did it again. When she’s mad she makes awful funny faces.

Lulu

You love her, don’t you, Monona?

Monona

I love her best when there’s company. If there was always company, I’d always love her. Isn’t she sweet before Uncle Ninian though?

Lulu

I—I don’t know. Monona, you mustn’t talk so.

Monona

He’s been here a week and mama hasn’t been cross once. Want to know what he said about you?

Lulu

I—did he—did he say anything about me?

Monona