INTRODUCTION

Children, although you might expect
My manners to be quite correct
(For since I fancy I can teach,
I ought to practice what I preach),
'Tis true that I have often braved
My mother's wrath, and misbehaved!
And almost every single rule
I broke, before I went to school!
For that is how I learned the way
To teach you etiquette to-day.
So when you chance to take a look
At all the maxims in the book,
You'll see that most of them are true,
I found them out, and so will you,
For if you are as GOOP derided,
You may perhaps reform, as I did!

Little Goops are marking

On the window pane;

I forbid, in vain!

Noses, when they're greasy,

Leave a smooch so easy!

Rub it out again!

I shall have to scold them,

For I've often told them,

Kindly, to refrain!

NELL THE NIBBLER

She ate some chocolate drops at 1,

At 2, she thought she'd take

A little jelly and a bun;

At 3, some frosted cake.

At 6, she didn't feel quite right,

And didn't care for dinner.

She said she had no appetite,

With so much Goop-food in her!

A PUZZLE

There are about a thousand things

I'm not allowed to do;

Most everything I'm fondest of

I'm told is wrong—are you?

They say, "Please don't do that, my child!"

They say, "You mustn't, dear!"

I hope sometime I'll learn what's right,

For now it seems so queer!

FRANKNESS

When you are talking, I expect
You'd better hold your head erect!
Please look me squarely in the eye
Unless you're telling me a lie.
For if you crouch and look askance,
Regarding me with sidelong glance,
I'll think it is a Goop I see
Who is afraid to look at me!

THE DUTY OF THE STRONG

"Won't you walk a little farther?"

Said a Goop to his Papa;

"It is really quite delightful,

And we haven't travelled far;

Wont you walk a little farther,

There's a house I'd like to see!

Won't you walk a little farther,

Till we reach that cherry-tree?"

"Won't you carry me? I'm tired!"

Whined a Goop to his Papa;

"And my feet are sore and weary,

And we've gone so very far!

Won't you carry me? I'm tired!

And I can't walk back alone!

Won't you carry me? I'm tired!"

And the Goop began to groan.

PIANO TORTURE

Pianos are considered toys

By Goops, and naughty girls and boys;

They pound upon the keys,

They lift the cover up, on top,

To see the little jiggers hop,

And both the pedals squeeze!

But instruments so rich and fine

(Especially if they're not mine)

I ought to treat with care;

So when my elder sister plays

She'll find it is in tune always,

Nor injured anywhere!

AT TABLE

Why is it Goops must always wish
To touch each apple on the dish?
Why do they never neatly fold
Their napkins until they are told?
Why do they play with food, and bite
Such awful mouthfuls? Is it right?
Why do they tilt back in their chairs?
Because they're Goops! So no one cares!

HOW TO EAT SOUP

Whenever you are eating soup
Remember not to be a Goop!
And if you think to say this rhyme,
Perhaps 'twill help you every time:

Like little boats that put to sea,
I push my spoon AWAY from me;
I do not tilt my dish, nor scrape
The last few drops, like hungry ape!

Like little boats, that, almost filled,
Come back without their cargoes spilled,
My spoon sails gently to my lips,
Unloading from the SIDE, like ships.

Dear little seed, queer little seed,

Tucked into bed in the garden,

Why don't you grow? Why, don't you know

Baby is asking your pardon?

Out, little seed! Sprout, little seed!

Baby did wrong without knowing!

Hoping for you, groping for you,

To see if you really were growing.

Break, little seed! Wake, little seed!

Baby will watch and not harm you.

Everything's bright, everything's right,

Nothing is here to alarm you.

Dress, little seed! Yes, little seed,

Fold your green leaflets around you;

There, little seed! Fair little seed,

Baby's so glad he has found you!

IN THE STREET

Peelings on the sidewalk,

Apple-cores and all,

Kick them in the gutter;

Save some one a fall!

Barrel hoops, glass, and cans,

And wires in the street,

Kick them in the gutter;

You'll save some horse's feet!

BOOK-MANNERS

If you scribble on your books,
How disgustable it looks!
Here a word, and there a scrawl,
Silly pictures over all!
Take a paper, or a slate,
If you want to decorate!

POOR MOTHER!

Oh! Isn't it shocking!

Just look at your stocking!

Just look at your brand new boots!

Your waist is all torn

And your trousers are worn—

Just look at the holes in your suits!

Your father is working

All day, without shirking,

To pay for the clothes that you wear;

Your mother is mending

All day, and attending

To you, with the kindest of care.

And so, while you're playing,

Think of father, who's paying,

And mother, who's working so hard;

While you kneel on your knees,

Or climb up the trees,

Or make your mud pies in the yard!

CHEATING

I thought I saw a little Goop

Who didn't pay his fare;

I looked again; the passengers

Were gazing at him, there.

"They think that he's a thief!" I said;

"I wonder does he care?"

GOOP! GOOP! GOOP!

Goop! Goop! Goop!

I wish you'd wash your face!

Goop! Goop! Goop!

Your hands are a disgrace!

Goop! Goop! Goop!

Put things back in their place!

I wish you were polite,

Instead of a

Goop! Goop! Goop!

PICKING and STEALING

When you are fetching bread, I trust

You never nibble at the crust

When in the kitchen, do you linger

And pinch the cookies with your finger?

Or do you peck the frosted cake?

Don't do it, please, for Mother's sake!

LOYALTY

Mother's found your mischief out!

What are you going to do?

Cry and sulk, or kick and shout?

Tell your mother all about

Brother's mischief, too?

It is the Goops, who have no shame,

Who say, "'Twas some one else to blame!"